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| Ninja Blood Explosion: ... ... well...; The Black Birds | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 25 2017, 08:06 PM (30 Views) | |
| Minister Wighty | May 25 2017, 08:06 PM Post #1 |
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Opossum Queen of FIW
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We open up on a hallway in the as-of-yet-unannounced arena. Rebel and Hikou seem to have formed a line with Lucifer Goatfuck in the lead. Rebel has a cookie sheet and a lead pipe, and is banging them together to create a terrible din. Hikou has brought an air guitar and a chugging riff. "CUNT! CUUUUNT cunt-cunt CUNT!" Oh, and they are marching. "CUNTY CUNTY CUNT! It's between my legs an' I don't shave it much... CUNT!" She continues to bang, yelling in a half-assed sing-song voice as loudly and as shrill as her voice will allow. The nasal nature of it helps. "CUNNY CUNNY CUNT-CUNT! BITCHY PUSS-FART-FUCK." This may be the most mature promo I've ever written. "SHAE-LIN RICH-LEN'S IS FULL OF BATS! CUUUUUUUNT~! The word makes her sick an' that means it's bad. CUUUUUUUUUNT~!" Here, she begins speaking in a similar manner to a train's chugging wheels and tooting whistle. "Cunty-cunty-cunty-cunty-cunty-cunty-cunty-cunty... CUNT! CUUUUUUNTTT!" The line stops, and it's Hikou's turn: he girds his loins for a "Cunt?" Well, that was underwhelming. Better luck next time? Rebel finishes her singing and clanging (both very similar in sound), tossing the pipe and sheet to the ground. "Paper. Fucking. Tigers." She folds her arms and raises an eyebrow. "Or... dragons. Wolves? You guys sure are a lot of animals..." Rebel shakes her head. "Point is... for as big a game as you talk, for as much as you yell, and scream, and threaten, and literally throw rocks at effigies of your opponents... you can't take a fuckin' four-letter word." What was that word again? I seem to have forgotten. "We even been in jolly 'ol London town! That word's like a synonym for "mate" here. I sure as fuck didn't mean it that way, but as hard as you took it I could've accidentally ran "cake n' taters" together an' your wife would be on the floor bleedin' from the hollow point of vocabulary I put in her pillowy chest." "[That's if she ain't already activated MIRROR FORCE and shot her shrink with it.]" Are we still doing the Yu-Gi-Oh thing? I don't mind if we are, but if we're not, someone better tell Hikou. "[But hey! There's always friendly fire when you're fighting a war. Especially when you're the only motherfuckers fighting that fucking war.]" "Throughout the week I heard some wise shit… very wise indeed. Came from an unlikely set o' sources, too… but wisdom often does. Lemme recite it for ya, in subtitles so you get the drift… I'ma paraphrase to get my point across real good." She stands up straight and clears her throat, smiling as she begins to talk in her native tongue. ["You've tried everything you can think of to minimize any perception of our abilities, and why? Because you two, who go on and on about your past accomplishments like they're all you got left in life, can't accept the fact that you've lost to the two people everyone thinks are nothing more than drunken idiots. Because you're worried that if you two admit that we're every damn bit as good as we've always said we are, you're gonna to lose credibility with… what, each other? Your doctor friend? Because maybe… just maybe… you realize that you're not as good as you think you are, after all?"] This… sounds strangely familiar... "You some fuckin' Predators. Black Metal is Music of Fuckheads, you Bait-Eating BAAAAAKAAAAAA~!" ["But just 'cuz the Beta Wolves decide to arrogantly dismiss us, decide that they have to parade their so-called self-righteousness every time they open their mouths... well, lemme word it like this; we don't give a fuck about what you did a couple of months ago, because constantly having to remind people that you did this, that, an' the next thing does not make you an alpha. In fact, having to constantly go on about those past successes shows a hell of a lot of insecurity on your parts."] I mean… it's a point. People who live in glass houses… ["I'm gonna give you two advice that I know full well you won't listen to, but I believe you'd be best served taking heed of; what you need to do is drop the fucking arrogance. Because if you go into this match dismissing us like you have for your entire careers (which has not had the best results for you, contrary to what those titles you oh-so-briefly held would have you believe) we and those other teams will fucking tear you two apart. After all, it's not like Clay an' Caleb ain't got somethin' to prove. Ain't like everybody else don't want the titles. You don't win a multi-team match by only beatin' ONE team. Ain't how that shit works! You don't get to win by hyper-focusing on us, or the Crew. That's when Valiente Dark sneaks up from behind and schoolboys your ass!"] "Yah~! Right in th' ASS~!" We were veering off message before Hikou's interjection. Rebel clears her throat; back to the point. ["The second thing you two need to realize is that you're gonna have no excuses for losing to us this time. Or the Crew. Or the Bad Bread. ] It's time to switch rails. ["You want to judge us for giving a shit an' calling you out on your shit while being drunk an' disorderly? Fuck you. I didn't say I was better than you two*; I only called you what you are. Two self-important windbags who use seventy-five words when ten would do. Who can't take a joke, won't give an inch, REFUSE to consider they might not be everything they pretend they are, and wither at the word CUNT"] There's a little passion in her eyes. As far as I've ever seen, that's not really a good thing. ["This is our life. Our career. we will not let the two of you dictate what we should do with it. We are the ones in control, not you. Not your bipolar wife. Nobody. You don't like it?"] Rebel doesn't finish the sentence, instead just waving them off with a dismissive flap of her hand. "I ain't pretendin' I got some higher purpose behind me. No god, big G or little g. No devil. No fans. Ninja Blood an entity unto themselves, yeah? We drink beer 'cuz we want to. We fight 'cuz we want to. I like blood 'cuz I like blood an' Hikou likes fuckin' 'cuz…" "'Cause fuck you, 'at's why." Hikou is all fingers and tongue. "There's a place for both of us in this fed, Gustav David Dickhead. I mighta got tired of fightin' you two weeks before Rise of a Legend or anything like it, but we smash heads to smash heads. You hotheads wanna end our careers, disappoint my unborn children--" Rebel snorks at that. "[Or my maybe bastards.]" Cartoon shrug. He wraps up, but you never know. Sorry, where were we? "Threatenin' murder. You backed away from it awful fast with Lucifer… just as fast as a goat at the edge of a cliff, which I'm given to understand is what you an the missus call 'foreplay'. One minute you brag about your goat leather tchotchke, the next it's "Oh I love the goats! I'm a friend of the goats! I hang out with goats all the time! I saved a goat from a burning building!", an' then we're on to 'if you two fucks don't toe the line, live your lives how we tell you an' let us win this match, we will fucking end you.'" Hikou fakes surprise. It's like having one of the Richlens in the room with him. Rebel shrugs her shoulders. "I dunno about where you come from, but I hear that phrase it sounds like a man has more Chris Benoit in his brain than he has Bob Holly." Another shrug. The tone has gotten awfully serious, here… ["Lemme make my point fuckin' CRYSTAL for you, Gus-and-Guswife. We scream, shout, an' get loud 'cuz it's fun. We say stupid shit 'cuz stupid shit's cool. We get drunk, pick up strange, and take selfies with fans in bars because that kinda shit gets us off. You two take this shit too seriously. We call you the Beta Wolves? It keeps getting' under your skin months after the fact. I call your wife a cunt? You pitch a wobbly in a field while your wife has to go to therapy on A Very Special Episode of Angry White People Theatre. I mention off-hand we might beat you… I say your name, I talk the least amount of shit… we say we're tired of hearing you spout the same shit every week… an' I can see every vein in your forehead fighting to escape your body. I can watch your face turn red as Shaelin's hair an' the cracks form in your teeth as you grit 'em."] Paints a picture, doesn't it? ["Fact of the matter is, you keep sayin' the same shit 'cuz you don't listen to the shit you say in the first place. It's words first, thinkin' later. A decent philosophy if I ever heard one, but somehow it never turns out as stupid for me as it does for you. Even that goat leather thing was your brain catchin' up with your mouth an' realizin' the depth of the hole you dug yourself. Own up to it, stop bein' such a fuckass, an' maybe people wouldn't talk so much shit about you."] "['Cause really, we got better things to do. You beat us, beat them, beat those other fucks. Fucking hell, man. Beat yourself off once in a fucking while. And if you do...]" A deep breath in. "DON'T FUCKIN' TELL US!" Quick switch back to the mother tongue. "[We don't give a shit. You beat us; and as much as you wanna hang that shit on just Rebel, it was us. We don't forget that shit, even without you cackling like fucking hyenas about it for the next ten thousand years.]" Another new animal metaphor. "[But you know what else we don't forget? Leaving you flopping in a pool of y'own blood. Lapping it up and fuckin'] LOVING IT." "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!" "[SRS BSNS, stick up the ass] TWATS [might'a won that day, but blood and steel is NINJA TOWN, BAY BEE. Plan your little plans and scheme your little schemes...]" From their hand gestures, Hikou possibly means masturbating; although Rebel mimes having a penis and Hikou a vagina, because... Moving on. "[And while you're setting all that shit up, someone - and I reallyfuckinghopeitsus - is gonna stand on your stupid hyena fuck faces. Same goes for Mizery. Same goes for Vally. Same goes for Yuki. Same goes for Caleb. Same goes for Lee. Same goes for Krueger...]" He leers into the camera. "[Who might'a been to a Panopticon** before, but he ain't been to NINJA TOWN before, and I tell you what Caleb Claudel,] in NINJA TOWN you Pay You Fucking Bills!!!" I say, is that an allusion to something Caleb said to Harley? Anyhow, Hikou and Rebel are getting close enough to smell their breath through the screen. "Blood or Gold we take it alllll..." Fade..? "CUNTS!!!" [size0]* She means the quality of their character, she quite clearly said the "Vegas odds" would put them at the top of the stack before dismissing that theory due to the chaos of the match. ** At least, that's what the subtitles read. Gods below only know what he actually said. |
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| ratedgdr | May 26 2017, 12:43 AM Post #2 |
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Superstar
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So you've decided that trying to repeat our words and continuing to go on about a threat that exists only in your heads while swearing like the ignorant fools that you are is supposed to disprove anything we said. No, you only are proving me right. *Guess who? And she's chosen to set up shop in the middle of the ring.* If you actually have an original thought in your head, let me know so the Vatican can declare it a miracle. All I really have to do to shoot down your rant is point out that we are the ones who won in the end, just like the good guys are supposed to do. And it will trigger you to rant again, because it still sticks in your throat that we proved ourselves to be better. And you don't like that thought, do you? *We should know the answer by now.* Being willfully ignorant like you are really is an awful idea. But by all means, keep doing it. Makes our job easier. I'd feel sorry for you but you don't deserve it. You know, for someone who makes a lot of insisting that we have nothing but empty threats, you make an awful lot of them yourselves . The old saying is right: Hypocrisy isn't just an awesome death metal band from Sweden. You're not going to do anything to us, NBE. And we are not the target you insist we are. Actually, there are likely more people gunning for your asses, which would be the only time anyone's going to go for your ass, Rebel. *And now a "not sorry" shrug.* I get that you don't respect us, and that's fine. We've had to deal with that problem for years. But the thing you need to understand is that sooner or later, everyone has to admit that we've earned their respect. Saturday won't be the first time and it won't be the last. And after Saturday, you'll follow their example. We'll get you to respect us. *And there's that patented Shaelin Marie Richlen smile.* Trust me. We will. *A wink at the camera, and We fade.* |
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