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Can things get any worse? (From Tower Grounds)
Topic Started: Mar 20 2005, 04:18 AM (223 Views)
Cayana Alhi
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Retired Green Sister
Kicking a stone as she walked Cayana felt awful. The day had just felt so horrible. She had started with early this morning having lost two novices, one had decided to leave the towers instead of going on to be accepted, and the second was lost in her last arch. I hate those bloody arches! She thought to herself and put her hands on the railing and looked out over the city and beyond.

The city. That only reminded her of yet an other bad thing. Apparently Radgar had snook out into the city again and gotten attacked again, but just to tweak things up a bit he had gotten Mother in the line of fire! Cayana leaned on her hands and looked down. It was a long way down. People down in the garden looked no larger then grains of sand. She was standing on the Tower roof. People rarely came here, it had been used as a garden once, but it wasn't used any more. Had Cayana been in a better mood she might have had thoughts of letting the novices revive it. But then again if she had been in a better mood she hadn't been up here. People rarely came here, and Cayana with them. She had been here a few times though, the first time when a former friend of hers had jumped, thinking she could fly. Cayana was now standing at the spot where her friend had jumped off. Insanity rarely shows before it's to late... Cayana thought to herself. She sure needed something to liven her up now. But she couldn't think of anything, and after the free day she didn't want to leave the Tower grounds either. She would have gone to Radgar, if she hadn't known about the attack, she was to afraid of loosing her control and start yelling at him for having snook out again. It made her scared to think about what could happen if he kept doing that. I won't let him die. I can't let him....

On the way up Cayana had bumped into Gemena. The other green had sensed her mood and hadn't chatted for all to long. Still the older woman just couldn't help but to say. "Are you really sure that Radgar is a good guy to keep seeing, considering all the attack..." Cayanas look had cut her off had the woman persisted to continue on her lecturing Cayana would have slapped the woman then and there no matter who was watching. Now what would that have looked like? She thought with a sigh. Such a thing would have earned her a trip to Sapphira in no time, and probably her position as Mistress of Novices considering her mood and the lack of control. Thankfully Gemena hadn't kept on, but left Cayana be. She knew very well where Cayana was heading. She had had to go get Cayana here a few times after that novice had jumped.
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Bio :: Talent: Healing
Bonded to Radgar al'Exander</center>
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Radgar
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Dedicated / Senior Member, Lost during the War
Radgar left the Amrylins office in a hurry after the questioning. He knew exactly where he was going though, he had to find Cayana. She would most likely not be happy with him about all this, nor will she be happy with him for a while after he tells her the truth about himself. Walking through the hallways he made his way quickly her office knocking on the door he walked in and took a look around. He saw that no one was there so he decided to go to the green halls. He wasn't sure if she'd be there but it was the only other place he had known to look. If she was not there he would probably wander the white tower until he found her. He caught himself wondering if Mother knew about him and Cayana then realized it didn't really matter. He looked down the hallway leading to Cayana's room. There were quite a number of people in it who were looking at him as if he was a foreign object. Shrugging it off he started forward towards Cayanas door. When he got there he put his hand on the handle and started to push the door open.

"You won't find her there boy." An woman said behind him. Turning Radgar found himself looking into Gemenas eyes. He bowed slightly too her and said with his politest voice, "Thank you Aes Sedai, would you know where I can find Cayana Sedai?" The Aes Sedai raised an eyebrow and studied him in silence. "Yes I know where she is, but first," She paused, "You must know this. You are no good for her, the way you are going you will both be dead in a month. To be blunt, you are not needed here, Cayana on the other hand is the mistress of novices she must not be harmed. You will stop seeing her." She said the last part with the full authority of her title clearly painted on her voice. Radgars fists had clenched half way through the speech and had to take deep calming breathes until he calmed his anger enough not to explode. "Have you ever been in love Aes Sedai?" He asked her but carried on before she could answer, "Love knows no danger, so if you would be so kind as to point me in her direction?" He spoke with his anger seething out in his voice which caused him a glare that would turn his blood to ice, had it not already been done.

"She is at the top of the tower Boy" She said coldly, "Watch how you speak to Aes Sedai in the future" she continued straining to keep her anger in check. Bowing a mock bow he took off with out saying another word. Enough had already been said he would not talk to her again unless absolutely necessary. Walking quickly he soon got lost having never been to the top of the tower. Finally stopping a passing Aes Sedai he asked her how to get there giving her a reasonable reason for wanting to go there. Finally after a time she decided to tell him and he was on his way. Walking up the narrow steps he finally came out on the top of the tower. The wind was strong but he ignored it. He looked out at the most beautiful sight his eyes had ever seen. Dragonmount in the back ground with the sun reflecting off its peak. The love of his life leaning out looking down at the city with her hair flying back with the wind. His heart nearly stopped as he looked on at her. Walking slowly up to her he wrapped his arms around her leaning his head up against hers. Speaking into her ear he said just loud enough for her to hear. "I love you." She turned in his hands and faced him her face a mix of emotions. Looking into her eyes he kissed her softly on the lips and waited for her to respond. This would not be fun for either of them.
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Bio
In my youth a made a vow that I forever now must fight.
Though the Dark One has his grip around me,
My heart beats free.
My punishment is for all to see
The mark of the Dark One on my soul
As I strain to fight for the light
And prove my worth to the Creator.
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Cayana Alhi
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Retired Green Sister
In a way Cayana hoped no one would ever fly. Leave flying to the birds, it's what they do best. Of course that was as silly as telling people to leave swimming to the fishes, but still it was how Cayana felt. To many jumped off of high buildings getting themselves killed or at least hurt. To many. The wind lifted her hair again, making it fly behind her. Had she not already been leaning against her hands she would have had to take a step back. Feeling wind this strong did make Cayana understand how one could want to fly. How many times hadn't she felt like she was being lifted up by this wind?

Standing there she suddenly felt someone wrap his strong arms around her. The sleeves where black and the voice telling her he loved her told her who it was as clearly as if she had already seen him, it was Radgar. She turned around and looked up at him, but before she could do anything he kissed her. After the kiss she just hugged him tight and hid her face in his shoulder. "Light, you scared me Radgar...." She told him. "Why do you keep sneaking out into the city?" She looked up. Her emotions where constantly changing, and she didn't at all discipline herself into looking serene like usual. She didn't have the control for that right now. "Why can't you just stay inside the walls of the Towers?" She was happy to see him, relieved that he was alright, but scared, angry and sad at what had happened. She just couldn't decide which she should feel, which was right to feel and which was things she felt just because she loved him. "I'm used to having my freedom," He told her wiping a tear from her cheek, "I will not leave the Tower again I swear to you this." She hugged him tighter again. For the first time she felt as if she didn't know if he was really speaking the truth. He had sworn, but knowing how they met, knowing what had passed since then and now with Mother.... "Are you alright? I hope she didn't hurt you?" Cayana was a bit worried still. She wondered what Mother had thought of Radgar, about what had happened in town. She wondered what kinds of questions Radgar had been asked and forced to answer. Knowing Mother to be a former Red the woman certainly had no fear of using what ever means she deemed necessary. "I am fine, no one can hurt me" He said winking showing her the joke in his words. An other tear fell from her eyes when he said that. She was afraid that she one day would loose him and him joking about it wouldn't make it better now.

She turned a little again and looked out over the city, and Dragonmount. "The first time I ever came up here was when a friend of mine had died." She told Radgar, "She had jumped from this very spot, thinking she knew how to fly." She took a deep breath. "It was just a few weeks after she had been raised to Accepted." Letting out the last of her breath she looked up at Radgar once more. "I'm guessing Gemena told you where I was... What ever she said to you, don't pay any mind to it. She's as swift to judge as a white cloak and as silly as a novice at times." Grimacing slightly she added. "She's a good teacher though, and a good Aes Sedai when she sets her mind to it." Cayana leaned her head against Radgars shoulder and relaxed slightly. She needed him here now, to feel this closeness. The fear was slowly sipping away from her.
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Bio :: Talent: Healing
Bonded to Radgar al'Exander</center>
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Radgar
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Dedicated / Senior Member, Lost during the War
Radgar looked into her eyes and understood her fear, he was scared every day, scared he would die, scared she would die, but mostly scared of not seeing her again. She hugged him tightly and he hugged her back having her in his arms seemed to sooth his mind. She spoke to him asking why he had left the tower and why he went into the city. "I'm used to having my freedom," He told her wiping a tear from her cheek, "I will not leave the Tower again I swear to you this." He hated seeing her like this he resolved himself and look out over the city. It was quite beautiful in the sun light. "Are you alright? I hope she didn't hurt you?" she asked him after a moment. Closing his eyes he opened them and looked into her eyes. "I am fine, No one can hurt me." He said winking to show the joke in his words. A tear fell from her eye once again and he lifted his hand to catch it and wipe it from her face gently. Every time he saw her crying his soul (or what was left of it) cried with her. He felt empty inside, he realized that he felt more pain and fear when he saw her cry than almost any wound he had ever had. It didn't match the pain of loosing Vivian, but he suspected if he lost Cayana, he would die his heart would stop he would no longer have a reason to live.

"The first time I ever came up here was when a friend of mine had died. She had jumped from this very spot, thinking she knew how to fly." She took a deep breath. "It was just a few weeks after she had been raised to Accepted. I'm guessing Gemena told you where I was... What ever she said to you, don't pay any mind to it. She's as swift to judge as a white cloak and as silly as a novice at times. She's a good teacher though, and a good Aes Sedai when she sets her mind to it." Radgar nodded to her and looked out over the city and mountain with her. "I'm sorry," He said holding her tightly, "About your friend." He paused for a moment letting the silence rush by them, "Gemela did speak to me," He said slowly and let it drop. He had no need for her and she had none for him, he didn't want to talk about her at the moment he would just get angry.

"Cayana" He said turning her around and looking deeply into her eyes, "My love for you is as deep as this Tower his tall" He said those words meaning everyone of them. He thought about how to continue, if he wanted to continue. She will hate me part of him said to himself, She needs to know though Another part said. He kept bouncing back and forth for a small length of time before deciding she must know. "Will you love me no matter what?" he asked her looking away from her and off to the mountain. Fear filled him then knowing that he would loose her when he told her his past, his real past.
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Bio
In my youth a made a vow that I forever now must fight.
Though the Dark One has his grip around me,
My heart beats free.
My punishment is for all to see
The mark of the Dark One on my soul
As I strain to fight for the light
And prove my worth to the Creator.
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Cayana Alhi
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Retired Green Sister
He held her tight just the way she needed right now. He told her he was sorry about her friend and that Gemena had indeed talked to him. He then said something that was obvious that something bad would follow. "Cayana. My love for you is as deep as this Tower his tall." After a short silence he added, "Will you love me no matter what?" The fear that she had lost just came rushing back, but still she forced herself to stay calm. She could just be scaring herself. He could be wanting to reassure himself just because she hadn't actually answered him when he came up here. "I love you with all my heart Radgar, you know I do." She looked into his eyes searching for what it was that was making him so afraid. But he wasn't looking at her, he was staring at Dragonmount and fear was the only thing she could feel from him now.

Smiling gently he leaned down and kissed her softly, braking the kiss he said looking into her eyes, "I have something to tell you, though," He said looking at the ground, "I'm scared to." She let her hand touch his cheek. "Everyone is afraid sometimes." The fear was going away from her again. Men always had a problem saying they where afraid, but it was no reason for asking her if she'd love him no matter what. She had shown him before that fear wasn't wrong to her. Closing his eyes he made all her fears and worries come back yet again, "I'm scared... I'm scared what I'll tell you will cause me to loose your love." She shook her head, kissed his lips and just said. "What is it that you are so afraid to tell me?" He still had his eyes closed and said "I haven't told you everything about my past..." She didn't quite understand. All she felt was confusion and fear along with love for Radgar. What is it that's so important that he hasn't told me? He had never liked talking about his past. So much hurt and other things in his past had made her think it was because of that. But obviously that wasn't true. What was it he was going to tell her now?
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Bio :: Talent: Healing
Bonded to Radgar al'Exander</center>
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Radgar
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Dedicated / Senior Member, Lost during the War
"I love you with all my heart Radgar, you know I do." He listened to her say that causing him to loose some of his fear. But he remembered soon what he was about to tell her and that fear came running back to him. Smiling weakly at her he looked into her eyes and kissed her gently. "I have something to tell you, though," He said shifting his gaze to the ground, "I'm scared to." She let her hand touch his cheek and he closed his eyes enjoying the feel of her hand against his cheek. "Everyone is afraid sometimes." she said to him reassuringly as she reached up and kissed him. He returned the kiss with his eyes closed scared to look into hers. When she broke the kiss he carried on, "I'm scared... I'm scared what I'll tell you will cause me to loose your love."

"What is it that you are so afraid to tell me?" she said to him. He kept his eyes closed and said "I haven't told you everything about my past..." He was silent a moment waiting for her to reply but she didn't opening his eyes he stared into hers, how am i going to do this? he asked himself and decided to start from the beginning. "Vivian was killed by white cloaks when they came into the village to clense it of the shadow. They hung her..." He paused collecting himself, "I lost myself and when I woke up everything was gone only ash remained. I had channeled, Isha..." He paused agian, "Was there when I awoke, my pain was still thriving inside me. He offered me help and explained why she died I was stupid with my pain and believed him. I forsook the light." He wasn't watching her scared that he would see what he feared as he spoke, "I was a darkfriend." he carried on telling her little bits and pieces leaving out things that he would not think about. He eventually got to where he abandoned the shadow. He explained to her about the girl and everything that went on that night, and why he came to the tower. He hadn't realized it until he stopped talking, but tears were streaming down his face, caused by painful memories and fear. She had to know... He thought to himself reassuringly, She had too! "I will always love you, no matter what you think of me now. If you wish me to die a darkfriend I will not fight it."
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Bio
In my youth a made a vow that I forever now must fight.
Though the Dark One has his grip around me,
My heart beats free.
My punishment is for all to see
The mark of the Dark One on my soul
As I strain to fight for the light
And prove my worth to the Creator.
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Cayana Alhi
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Retired Green Sister
The silence hung between them and eventually he started speaking. Telling her what he felt he must. "Vivian was killed by white cloaks when they came into the village to clense it of the shadow. They hung her..." Cayana was sure this wasn't it. She had no love of white cloaks. She wouldn't mind killing them if they stood in her way. "I lost myself and when I woke up everything was gone only ash remained. I had channeled, Isha..." It was hard for him to speak and Cayana understood him completely. But the further he got in his story the worse she felt. Her heart felt heavy and she didn't even notice when she started to shake. Shivering not only with the cold wind, but with her feelings inside. He was crying now, and so was she. When he said the last he almost tore her heart out with it. "I will always love you, no matter what you think of me now. If you wish me to die a darkfriend I will not fight it."

She stepped aside, looking away. "Tell me this is a cruel joke...." She whispered, but it was mostly downed out by the wind. A darkfriend? But he couldn't be, he killed them, saved her, saved Mother! Isha wouldn't want him dead if he was one of them.... "I was a darkfriend." It echoed inside of her, she wasn't afraid now, she just felt so broken apart and lost that she didn't have the sanity to feel fear. "If you're one of them, why are you here?" She asked him. Swallowing hard too fight the tears that where already running down her cheeks. She hugged herself, standing not all to far from Radgar, but still far enough to avoid him hugging her again. "I was one of them, I will never be again..." She had troubles believing that. Part of her upbringing, all she stood for and believed in was that there was a well defined line between the Light and the Dark. He was breaking that, her entire foundation. She couldn't believe him a darkfriend. Not for a moment. But still that was exactly what he was telling her he had once been. She had given her heart to someone who had forsaken the light, and now tried to come back from the Dark. "I..." She shook her head slowly. Things just didn't want to sink in. "I..." She looked up at him. "h... you... I...." She looked away, feeling so helpless, so hurt. "Please leave before I do something stupid..." She told him. Closing her eyes hard and suppressing her own sobs.

She heard him take a step forward, but he didn't touch her. Instead he only said: "I will always love you Cayana, even if you no longer love me..." He then turned and walked away. As soon as he was gone she let herself fall to her knees. Crying, hitting the wall in front of her until she bled. How could I be such a fool? How could he ever have done that? Over an over the thoughts went though her mind. More and more she felt lost in the world as her foundation kept crumbling down, leaving only dust. He was a former Darkfriend. Not quite a friend of the light but he had promised to stay by her side. How much was the promise of a darkfriend worth? How much was the oath, of someone who would not stay true to either, worth? She sat up there for hours before she managed to calm herself down. She was supposed to have a class this evening, but she would be canceling that now. She was in no state to teach, no state to punish anyone. She just got up, and returned to her rooms, sent a servant to notify her students and went to bed. What was she to do?
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Bonded to Radgar al'Exander</center>
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