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Heaviest Element; Science discovery
Topic Started: Tuesday 9-03-2010, 06:43 (100 Views)
Nightjar
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HEAVIEST ELEMENT YET KNOWN TO SCIENCE DISCOVERED


MONASH UNIVERSITY LABORATORY HAS NOW IDENTIFIED

WITH CERTAINTY THE HEAVIEST ELEMENT KNOWN TO SCIENCE.


THE NEW ELEMENT, PELOSIUM (PL), HAS ONE NEUTRON, 25 ASSISTANT NEUTRONS, 88

DEPUTY NEUTRONS, AND 198 ASSISTANT DEPUTY NEUTRONS, GIVING IT AN ATOMIC

MASS OF 312.


THESE 312 PARTICLES ARE HELD TOGETHER BY FORCES CALLED MORONS, WHICH ARE

SURROUNDED BY VAST QUANTITIES OF LEPTON-LIKE PARTICLES CALLED PEONS.


PELOSIUM IS INERT, AND HAS NO CHARGE AND NO MAGNETISM. NEVERTHELESS, IT CAN

BE DETECTED BECAUSE IT IMPEDES EVERY REACTION WITH WHICH IT COMES INTO

CONTACT. A TINY AMOUNT OF PELOSIUM CAN CAUSE A REACTION THAT WOULD NORMALLY

TAKE LESS THAN A SECOND, TO TAKE FROM 4 DAYS TO 4 YEARS TO COMPLETE.


PELOSIUM HAS A NORMAL HALF-LIFE OF 2 YEARS. IT DOES NOT DECAY, BUT INSTEAD

UNDERGOES A BIENNIAL REORGANIZATION IN WHICH A PORTION OF THE ASSISTANT

NEUTRONS AND DEPUTY NEUTRONS EXCHANGE PLACES. PELOSIUM MASS WILL INCREASE

OVER TIME, SINCE EACH REORGANIZATION WILL PROMOTE MANY MORONS TO BECOME

ISODOPES.


THIS CHARACTERISTIC OF MORON PROMOTION LEADS SOME SCIENTISTS TO BELIEVE

THAT PELOSIUM IS FORMED WHENEVER MORONS REACH A CRITICAL CONCENTRATION.

THIS HYPOTHETICAL QUANTITY IS REFERRED TO AS CRITICAL MORASS.


WHEN CATALYZED WITH MONEY, PELOSIUM BECOMES SENATORIUM, AN ELEMENT THAT

RADIATES JUST AS MUCH ENERGY AS PELOSIUM SINCE IT HAS HALF AS MANY PEONS

BUT TWICE AS MANY MORONS.


--------------------



ABBOTT ADMINISTRATION RECOGNIZES KEVIN RUDD

WE'VE JUST HEARD THAT THE ABBOTT ADMINISTRATION WILL BE HONORING THE PRIME MINISTER OF AUSTRALIA NAMING THE GAP BETWEEN THE TECTONIC

PLATES BENEATH THE PILBARA AFTER HIM.


THE AREA WILL NOW OFFICIALLY BE REFERRED TO AS "RUDD'S FAULT."
Good luck & safe travels
Peter


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"Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life."
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davsgold
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Yes Peter, got a good laugh out of that lot. But I think that its not to far from the truth.

cheers dave
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Dognug
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Ha Ha..... Good one! :D
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