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Hobbies; Come share!
Topic Started: May 26 2012, 06:46 PM (736 Views)
Scruff 815
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The Arbiter
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Will read when I have time. This might take a couple of weeks, but I'll get there eventually ;)
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Deadpool Psycko
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The Meta
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Part 2 is up and running!

http://adyingbreed126.livejournal.com/3031.html


@ Scruff - Not trying to push ya but they're not long. A couple paragraphs but enticement for you to read will be the references :)
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PINK MIST PER0
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The Librarian
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Bookmarked and on my reading list now.. ;)

Honestly I've been working on something myself the past couple of months and several of the guys on the social have cameos as well...

Too self conscious to have anyone read it right now except Joshua...

Maybe will post eventually? :blush:
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Deadpool Psycko
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:cheer: :wub: :cloud9:
Thanks! That means a bunch truthfully.


I was VERY self conscious of my stuff, especially since the first thing I did was very tongue and cheek. Engaged turned out that way but it wound up having a great flow up until the final entry.

:nervous:

This, I've got some great outlines and stuff I had really wanted to do in Engaged.

JUST DO IT!!! If you feel you've got something, all you need is one person to like it. One person can cause a snowball effect. Besides, you'll never know unless you get it out there. :soapbox: :soapbox: :soapbox:
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OnyxTech
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Deadpool Psycko
Jun 26 2012, 09:34 PM
:cheer: :wub: :cloud9:
Thanks! That means a bunch truthfully.


I was VERY self conscious of my stuff, especially since the first thing I did was very tongue and cheek. Engaged turned out that way but it wound up having a great flow up until the final entry.

:nervous:

This, I've got some great outlines and stuff I had really wanted to do in Engaged.

JUST DO IT!!! If you feel you've got something, all you need is one person to like it. One person can cause a snowball effect. Besides, you'll never know unless you get it out there. :soapbox: :soapbox: :soapbox:
Will the crazy Elites be in this story? :nervous:
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ASLANS R0AR
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Spartan Pops
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Deadpool Psycko
Jun 26 2012, 05:01 PM
Part 2 is up and running!

http://adyingbreed126.livejournal.com/3031.html


@ Scruff - Not trying to push ya but they're not long. A couple paragraphs but enticement for you to read will be the references :)
good work, Psycko! You definitely have a gift for engaging the imagination with a scene. Keep it up!
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Braythor
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Dumped Scruff's mum
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I started reading the stuff you've linked to, Deadpool. Not got through it all cos am short on time. Liking the build of ideas behind it. I like to write too, I even wrote a book (which is here, though I don't really use that site now).

Couple of pointers I would give:
- don't switch tenses
- use less adjectives and adverbs

I will try and get round to reading the rest this week. If you really want, I could break out my writer's cap and give you a full critique. PM me if you'd like me to do this. Or I can give some more brief comments on what's good and what needs improvement. Or I can just read it and post a :thumbup:
Edited by Braythor, Jun 26 2012, 10:36 PM.
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Deadpool Psycko
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@Aslan - "You have a gift for engaging the imagination with a scene."

that's my favorite thing to hear bc I've heard it many times, different ways :) I just build it in my head and am able to replay it as I saw it. Much appreciated but more happy I could find a good reference.

@Onyx - From the last story? Doubtful as this is a different universe from Engaged. Don't worry tho, I have some surprises.

@Braythor- I just might take you up on that. For the time though, it's certainly not professionally written. The whole thing is just my rough draft. I'd like to finish and get your full critique. Understand its,shall we say unorthodox but that's bc its my personal amateur touch. I do like that its not professional yet. Ya'no? It's like, fully mine but that's just weird Ol' me talking. I appreciate the offer above all. I'm always down for improvement ;)
Edited by Deadpool Psycko, Jun 27 2012, 12:55 AM.
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OnyxTech
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Deadpool Psycko
Jun 27 2012, 12:49 AM
@Onyx - From the last story? Doubtful as this is a different universe from Engaged. Don't worry tho, I have some surprises.

I am relieved, anxious and saddened at the same time. Is that possible?
Edited by OnyxTech, Jun 27 2012, 01:30 AM.
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Deadpool Psycko
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You just did it...so I guess so.
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crazybydefault
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@Deadpool: Bookmarked for my reading list! :)
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PhoenixVakarian
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Deadpool Psycko
Jun 26 2012, 05:01 PM
That is AWSOME, i love how you incorperated all my 50 million gamertags in there :thumbup: :bag:

i really enjoyed the second draft, i liked the ifrst one too, but i dunno, i think the second was just more fast-paced, made me want to read on more, and at a quicker pace.

Me and Aslan are Famous YAY!!!! when i heard we had cameos, i thought we were the two spartans at first XD but yeah, that is awsome DP, thanks for making me part of your halo story, cant wait for the next part now :) :cheer:
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ASLANS R0AR
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PhoenixVakarian
Jun 27 2012, 03:54 PM
Deadpool Psycko
Jun 26 2012, 05:01 PM
That is AWSOME, i love how you incorperated all my 50 million gamertags in there :thumbup: :bag:

i really enjoyed the second draft, i liked the ifrst one too, but i dunno, i think the second was just more fast-paced, made me want to read on more, and at a quicker pace.

Me and Aslan are Famous YAY!!!! when i heard we had cameos, i thought we were the two spartans at first XD but yeah, that is awsome DP, thanks for making me part of your halo story, cant wait for the next part now :) :cheer:
I agree with LC! I feel immortalized and such. I wasn't sure how I'd feel about being in it; at first I thought, "Oh no, I bet I'm going to be this Jackal getting his face ripped off . . ." but you did a great job fitting us in and making it even more interesting, Deadpool.
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Deadpool Psycko
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PhoenixVakarian
Jun 27 2012, 03:54 PM
Deadpool Psycko
Jun 26 2012, 05:01 PM
That is AWSOME, i love how you incorperated all my 50 million gamertags in there :thumbup: :bag:

i really enjoyed the second draft, i liked the ifrst one too, but i dunno, i think the second was just more fast-paced, made me want to read on more, and at a quicker pace.

Me and Aslan are Famous YAY!!!! when i heard we had cameos, i thought we were the two spartans at first XD but yeah, that is awsome DP, thanks for making me part of your halo story, cant wait for the next part now :) :cheer:
At a medium pace????

Posted Image


I love getting creative with peoples names/usernames/etc and finding elements to stick 'em too. I just thought of something for your Rocket Launcher quote too :eek:

Your initial thought is my biggest dilemma too. I want everyone I include to be more or less a star, or as you put it immortalized. During Engaged, I told people I'd include them if I could and of course EVERYONE wanted to be a Spartan. It's just not interesting with 20 some odd Spartans running around.

My first story about a zombie apocalypse had a bunch of characters based off site-friends. They loved it b/c "I knew how to pin down their unique personalities on paper" but it was also my first real project. Since then, I try to space out characters if I have a lot of 'em or I just create a good reference. Just about everyone that posts regularly will get some sort of nod so nobody really feels left out.

But it's not about that, it's just about keeping the readers entertained. Once I'm done with this story, I'm most likely going to see how and where Braythor can give me some pointers. Otherwise, this is just my Style for the time and so long as the majority doesn't "Hate" it, they'll keep on coming!
:grouphug1:
Edited by Deadpool Psycko, Jun 27 2012, 04:27 PM.
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PhoenixVakarian
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what i meant was that it was more action based so in your head, you read it quicker :s

My rocket launcher quote comes from doing resident evil 5 on co-op professional ;)
Edited by PhoenixVakarian, Jun 27 2012, 06:02 PM.
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OnyxTech
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@Deadpool Not everyone is up for being a super amazing AI :)


Also I'm thinking of getting back into photography, I used to love it.
Edited by OnyxTech, Jun 27 2012, 07:31 PM.
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Scruff 815
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The Arbiter
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Thoughts:

Deadpool - quality. Personally I prefer numbers to be written in word form rather than as actual numbers, particularly for single digits, and this part:

"'Have they been hunting us? How?!'

The Jackal thought nervously. "

I'd have written as "'Have they been hunting us? How?!’ The Jackal thought nervously" - the break between the lines as it is makes it look as if the two sentences aren't conected to each other, though I notice you did do this in the second part! But these are minor criticisms. I love the idea of going back to Reach post-glassing, the story's well-paced, and I really can't complain about a TWSS joke at the end :D

Braythor - I want to read your book. And I want to know why you're not trying to make a career out of it ;)

LC - in terms of what I'd like to see, just my opinion but I'd be more interested in seeing 'new' things rather than straight copies of pre-existing characters. Not new game characters or anything; but new situations for pre-existing characters could be very cool. For example a freeze-frame of a fight between Ezio Auditore and Bayonetta, a gunfight between Garrus and an Elite, etc. Failing that, pictures of DOA girls in skimpy clothes are always welcome :hj:
Edited by Scruff 815, Jun 29 2012, 03:16 PM.
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Deadpool Psycko
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Scruff 815
Jun 29 2012, 03:15 PM
Thoughts:

Deadpool - quality. Personally I prefer numbers to be written in word form rather than as actual numbers, particularly for single digits, and this part:

"'Have they been hunting us? How?!'

The Jackal thought nervously. "

I'd have written as "'Have they been hunting us? How?!’ The Jackal thought nervously" - the break between the lines as it is makes it look as if the two sentences aren't conected to each other, though I notice you did do this in the second part! But these are minor criticisms. I love the idea of going back to Reach post-glassing, the story's well-paced, and I really can't complain about a TWSS joke at the end :D

Braythor - I want to read your book. And I want to know why you're not trying to make a career out of it ;)

LC - in terms of what I'd like to see, just my opinion but I'd be more interested in seeing 'new' things rather than straight copies of pre-existing characters. Not new game characters or anything; but new situations for pre-existing characters could be very cool. For example a freeze-frame of a fight between Ezio Auditore and Bayonetta, a gunfight between Garrus and an Elite, etc. Failing that, pictures of DOA girls in skimpy clothes are always welcome :hj:
Constructive criticism is always welcome. I honestly used to look at stuff like what Braythor said and sneer but A) It's still keeping people entertained B) I've learned that things can always be better to suit more audiences and C) It never hurts to try.

It's weird to describe but that's how it's portrayed in my head. Kind of like flipping from frame to frame...I guess. It's just my current style. Crude, yes but it's what I'm comfortable with at the moment. Eventually I'll start writing more professionally in that area but so long as it doesn't stop the reader from reading, go with the flow.

Again, I do appreciate the thoughts :thumbup:

I've got a knack for writing scenarios and pacing. Plus, I picked up the fun habit of writing awesome cliffhangers and references.

In my Zombie story, I had a portly friend, who is actually one of my treasured webernet pals (his wife is the one I shaved my head for when she went through her cancer treatments) and I had written him this awesome scenario where he "had to eat his family to save them". Weird and sick but they all ate it up (pun very much intended). It was such a great part of the story and everyone kept begging me to write the next part and asking if he was going to come back. I did bring him back and actually twisted the story by the end to be a record found from one of our pals who was in journalism. That one was written out more like a movie script but they loved it's flow and as I said, I have a gift for putting that final line or paragraph in that has the reader just pining for MOAR!!!

I can half selfishly admit that I started the writing b/c I wanted myself as an epic character...but I found that giving other people their spotlight is just as much if not more fun. It's similar to my "no-pants-dances" with the lady-folk. Sure, I like stuff that feels good but the other persons reaction sometimes is just as big a payoff :eek:
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Deadpool Psycko
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http://adyingbreed126.livejournal.com/3103.html


Part 3

This one lulls a bit but it'll pay off ;)
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OnyxTech
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Good chapter Deadpool, nice nod to the older days at the end.
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