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Wrestling With Hollywood; Coming November 12
Topic Started: Nov 1 2004, 08:43 PM (247 Views)
Lucas
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[align=center]See The Greatest Ensemble Cast Ever Put Together!

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WRESTLING WITH HOLLYWOOD

starring

Paul Walker
Spike Jonze
Gretchen Mol
Britney Spears
Bob Saget
Jenna Jameson
Lloyd Kaufman
Pauly Shore
Richard Simmons
Fred Durst
Christian
Edge
Jim Ross
Big Show
Rob Van Dam
Rhyno
Steve Austin
Scott Hall
Trish Stratus


directed by
Spike Jonze


IN THEATRES NOVEMBER 12
[/align]
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COMING 10.06.06

Hollywood
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Mattricks
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HTG RESIDENT HIPPY
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It's about damn time Richard Simmons got his props!
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Your Hero
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Did you let Pedro cast this?
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Dante
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Is Rich Simm the new Will Shat?
Hollywood
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Mick Foley?
Hollywood the Game is awesome.
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Lucas
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Lucas Hollywood stands in front of a podium. An American flag hangs in the backdrop.

LUCAS HOLLYWOOD
Greetings to all my fans all over the world and especially to those in the USH. You know, these last couple of days have been real crazy with the election and all, which is why Hollywood wanted to address his legions of fans.

People of the United States of Hollywood, we must not let our differences come between us for you see there is a far greater evil in the world than George Bush. This evil, I speak of, has manifested itself in the form of a man. This man poses a great threat to our fine sovereign nation of the United States of Hollywood. At this time of need I ask that Republicans, Democrats, and the miscellaneous people who don’t matter to please unite and join the fight against this global threat.

Hollywood is a uniter not a divider, I want to bring everyone into an orgy of togetherness so we may combat the devil himself, one Mr. Tom Hanks.

Tom Hanks is evil and here’s why. Tom Hanks enjoys pushing old ladies down flights of stairs for his own amusement. Tom Hanks sacrifices virgins in his satanic rituals. Tom Hanks invented reality TV.

Those facts speak for themselves folks, is this the kind of man you want your children idolizing?

You want to stick it to Hanks and his macho head games? You want to show Tom Hanks that he’s no longer the bigshot he thinks he is? Well here’s how you do it.

On November 12, go and see Wrestling With Hollywood, it’s the film that Tom Hanks doesn’t want you to see. In fact, to really stick it to Tom Hanks, I suggest seeing it over and over. Hollywood alone can’t defeat this monster, but together we shall overcome, together we shall topple the evil that is Tom Hanks, and together we shall elect Hollywood as the greatest actor of all time.

The sound of people cheering is piped in at the conclusion of Hollywood’s speech. The “Star Spangled Banner” plays as we fade to a black screen with the following text.

PAID FOR BY THE HANKS HATERS OF HOLLYWOOD

WRESTLING WITH HOLLYWOOD

IN THEATRES

NOVEMBER 12[/align]
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Hollywood
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That was quite possibly the most original ad I have seen thus far in this game. I hope the movie's as good as the ad campaign.
The Children of the Revolution
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Lucas
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[align=center]WRESTLING WITH HOLLYWOOD

A man with long blonde hair stands in a dark room. His back is turned to the camera. Is it Lucas Hollywood? The blonde haired man turns around and we see that it’s…

Posted Image

CHRIS JERICHO!

Piped in sounds of a crowd cheering can be heard throughout dark room as Jericho stands and admires the reception he’s getting. After a minute or so, Jericho raises his hand and the “crowd” instantly quiets down.

CHRIS JERICHO
Greetings! It is I, the Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah, the man who fronts the greatest rock band in the world, it is I, Chris Jericho!

The piped in sound of a crowd cheering is played again.

CHRIS JERICHO
Ah, listen to all my Jericholics cheering for their hero, it’s a beautiful thing. Now speaking of beautiful things, I’d like to talk about Wrestling With Hollywood. The film is magnificent, I laughed, I cried, I rode an emotional roller coaster the likes I haven’t ridden since the days of whipping Stinko Malenko’s ass. Ah, those were the good ol’ days.

Jericho stands and stares into space as he reminisces about all the good times he had in WCW. After a few seconds he snaps back into reality.

CHRIS JERICHO
Back to the film. The best part about it is the closing credits. Why, you ask? Simple, Fozzy, the greatest rock band in the world, performs the song “Happenstance” during the credits. That’s right folks, you get five minutes of pure musical bliss as me and the boys take you on a mystical journey that is sure to rock your world.

Lucas Hollywood walks onto the set and stands by Jericho.

LUCAS HOLLYWOOD
The hell you doing? You’re supposed to pimp the movie not your lame ass cover band.

CHRIS JERICHO
Whoa, whoa, whoa, you do not talk to Y2J like that you simple-minded jackass, I’m...

Before Jericho gets to finish we see a steel chair lightly tap the back of his head. Jericho sells the hit as if he was hit by a freight train. Holding the chair and smiling innocently is Hollywood’s wife, Sarah Flamenco [Gretchen Mol]. Hollywood grabs the camera and pulls it close to his face.

LUCAS HOLLYWOOD
You see! You see what happens when you mess with Hollywood? There can only be one blonde haired pretty boy in the world and that pretty boy is me. To all of you who accuse me of ripping Jericho off, I say where’s your hero now, huh? Face facts, Hollywood is and always was the originator never the duplicator. You’re looking at something special here folks, so prepare yourselves cause on November 12, Hollywood takes over.

The camera pans away and we see Chris Jericho bleeding from the forehead.

LUCAS HOLLYWOOD
Oh, for Pete’s sake! She hit you in the back of the head you moron!

Hollywood shakes his head in disbelief as he storms off the set. The camera turns back to Chris Jericho who’s sitting up with a confused look on his face. Realizing the camera is on him, Jericho gives a thumbs up as the blood trickles down his forehead.

CHRIS JERICHO
Watch Wrestling With Hollywood, November 12 for the closing credits featuring Fozzy. It’s the only part of the movie that’s any good.

Sarah once again swings the chair and lightly taps it against Jericho’s head. Jericho drops to the ground. Sarah flips the chair over and we see “BUZZ VOTE NOW” written on it in white text, which is somewhat obscured by various smears of Jericho’s blood.

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IN THEATRES NOVEMBER 12
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Hollywood
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Lucas
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[align=center]WRESTLING WITH HOLLYWOOD

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Hollywood sits on a large chair that resembles a throne. His wife, Sarah stands at his side brushing his long blonde hair.

LUCAS HOLLYWOOD
Good evening and welcome to “Hollywood’s Five Steps to Becoming a Sex Symbol in Some Weird Foreign Country”, also known as HFSBSSSWFC. Now as some of you may have noticed, Hollywood has become the sexiest man in Bulgaria. I don’t even know where Bulgaria is or what language they speak there, probably Bulgarianese or something, but what I do know is that the people there love Hollywood.

So how do you, the everyday Joe, become a sex symbol and have tons and tons of women after you? I’ll reveal the secrets tonight.

Number five. Show women the proper respect they reserve. For example, women don’t like to be called bitches, they prefer to be referred to as ho’s. Ain’t that right, ho?

SARAH FLAMENCO
That’s right, baby.

LUCAS HOLLYWOOD
See what I mean?

Number four. Have sexual relations with as many women as you can. Everyone knows that beautiful people don’t get STD’s so don’t worry about it. If a woman sees that other women find you desirable than she’ll want a piece of your sexy self. Women are jealous creatures who always want what another woman has, use this to your advantage.

Number three. Never admit you don’t know something. Women find confident guys sexy so act like you possess all the knowledge in the universe. For example, if your girl’s car breaks down, you have to fix it even if you don’t know the difference between a carburetor and a steering wheel. If you concede to the fact that you don’t know how to do something than your woman will leave you for the guy who does, she’ll go off and bang the car mechanic while you’ll be at home playing with your dipstick.

Number two. Grow your hair long and dye it blonde. Women can’t resist guys with long blonde hair, it’s a scientific fact. If you look like Quasimodo don’t sweat it cause some long golden locks will instantly transform you from a hideous beast to a sexy beast. Bald guys, I suggest investing in a wig, just make sure the hair do of said wig is current. Mullets never were or will be sexy.

And the number one step to becoming a sex symbol is that you must see Wrestling With Hollywood on November 12. Hell, bring your girl and Hollywood guarantees you’ll be getting some action later that night. Remember, ladies love Hollywood. Aside from the loving you’ll get from your woman, you’ll also see Hollywood in action and pick up the various intricate details that make up Hollywood’s sexiness.

Hollywood picks up a bottle of champagne off a nearby cart and pours himself a glass. Hollywood raises his glass in the air.

LUCAS HOLLYWOOD
Here’s to Wrestling With Hollywood becoming the number one film in the theatres this week. Also, here’s to me on my journey in becoming bigger and greater than that jackass, Tom Hanks.

Hollywood takes a drink as we fade out.

IN THEATRES

NOVEMBER 12

BUZZ VOTING IS OPEN


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Hollywood
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Lucas
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GO SEE IT NOW!
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Hollywood
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