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Respect the Crocodile; Tomorrow...
Topic Started: Sep 15 2005, 09:34 PM (222 Views)
mbroderick
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Get a Life
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
INT. - SECURE COMPOUND - EVENING
An older woman (in her late fifties or sixties) stands in front of the fireplace holding a glass of Wild Turkey. She is ANITA.

[align=center]ANITA
We mourn the loss and honor the life of this great man, this revolutionary, by going outside and shooting his ashes out of a cannon, as were his dying wishes. If anyone is planning on trying vainly to imitate my dear husband, I please ask that you reconsider. You’ll never be able to do it and if you try, you’re just going to end up sounding like a fool. No matter how well you describe your flamboyantly painted convertible, or how hard you try to make your poorly constructed similes and metaphors not run together, you’ll never be like him. No one ever will.
(beat)
Now if you'll be kind enough to join me for drinks on the Terrace.[/align]

BEGIN SONG: 'THE WIZARD' by Black Sabbath

[align=center]BULLETPROOF PICTURES PRESENTS[/align]

We see an outstretched arm firing a silenced pistol several times.

[align=right]CUT TO:[/align]

We see a Mercedes rumbling down a dusty backstreet as the back door opens and a body tumbles out.

[align=center]A MARK BRODERICK PRODUCTION[/align]

We see ducks crossing a road at night.

[align=right]CUT TO:[/align]

We see a man running across the roof of a hotel.

[align=center]EDWARD NORTON[/align]

INT. - BAR
LUTHER is sitting at a dingy bar drinking a beer.

[align=center]LUTHER
You know, that might have been more psychologically damaging if that had been the first time I’d been propositioned by a very drunk woman wearing only a trench coat.[/align]

[align=center]JOHN TURTURRO[/align]

We see to whom LUTHER was talking.

[align=center]MILES
You know, I've experienced a lot of things in my life, but I have to be honest, there’s nothing like onion rings to brighten a man’s spirits.

IN A FERNANDO MEIRELLES FILM[/align]

INT. - KITCHEN

A CLOSE UP on MILES' face. Sweat is beaded on his forehead. We pull back very quickly to see that his face is pressed against the sink garbage disposal. His wife, NORA (Mary-Louise Parker), is standing in the kitchen looking at him incredulously.

[align=center]NORA
Honey? What are you doing?

MILES' pulls his face away from the sink and looks at her, surprised that she's there.

MILES
Oh, hi. I was….spitting…in the garbage disposal.[/align]

[align=center]TOMORROW…[/align]

EXT. - POOLSIDE
A scary-looking Colombian wearing a white bathrobe and plentiful silver jewelry lies in a lounge chair by a very surburban pool surrounded by well-manicured gardens. This is MIGUEL. LUTHER stands to address him.

[align=center]MIGUEL
I hope you're about to tell me good news. I’m in the mood for good news right now. [/align]

[align=center]YOU MUST…[/align]

EXT. - 7/11 PARKING LOT - NIGHT

LUTHER drags a fat guy by his collar towards a Chevy Impala.

[align=center]FAT GUY
I gotta bad neck!

LUTHER
Shut up.[/align]

[align=center]RESPECT[/align]

We see MILES, covered in sweat, wielding a wooden staff viciously.

[align=center]THE[/align]

We see TIM (Jason Staham), fanning out several hundred dollar bills in front of his face.

[align=center]CROCODILE[/align]

We see LUTHER carrying a shotgun as he ducks under a lowering garage door.

The view fades to black.

END SONG: 'THE WIZARD' by Black Sabbath

[align=center]Posted Image[/align]
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Sureshot
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This is looking like a fun read. Good luck, Mr Brod.
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Random_FX
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Director
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
This is really intriguing. You've certainly got me guessing as to quite what this movie is about... I've heard some things on the grapevine and its all good :)
[align=center]RANDOM ART MEDIA
Most definitely open

CATALYST STUDIOS
Accepting submissions[/align]
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mbroderick
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Get a Life
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[align=center]IN THEATERS NOW!!![/align]

And if you hadn't heard about the sweet deal:

I'm offering $3 million extra (that is in addition to normal review pay) to anyone who reads and reviews my movie in time for the review to be posted by BlackSmith on the Critic's Corner.

I'm offering the same $3 million extra to anyone who reviews my movie and has never reviewed before (regardless of when you send in the review).

And for those of you who don't meet the above things, I'm offering $2 million extra to anyone who has a review of the movie posted on the Critic's Corner and $1 million for a simple two or three sentence response on The Non-Critic's Corner.
Fake Movie Reviews
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mbroderick
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Get a Life
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[align=center]DON'T READ THE REVIEWS!! THEY GIVE AWAY TOO MUCH!! INSTEAD READ THESE SNIPPETS!! THEN SEE THE MOVIE!! I LOVE EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!![/align]

"I was laughing constantly and having a good time…the stream of consciousness humor is hysterical and the dialogue is brilliant, right up until the end." - FSKessler (75/100)

"I found the film to be an extremely well-written, tight-paced, surreal thriller that left me wondering on more than one occasion what was going to happen next…this kind of film doesn’t turn up often; a film with so many pleasing twists and original turns that you really don’t know what will happen before the end credits turn up. Casting was perfect, and the posters are beautiful…. now if only he can get this film really made!" - Hand (85/100)

"Overall, this movie is a refreshingly different an original work of fiction. The action is faultless, the dialogue superb, and the characters interesting… I can honestly recommend this rough diamond that, once polished, could be a real gem." - Random FX (79/100)

"The film was basically about morals. Who in the hell wants to see morals?" - Donovan Daniels (60/100)

"Crazed and cool, hilarious and exhilirating, full of comic brilliance and borderline cruel jabs at real life and HTG releases... the fifth Crocodile is swimming in our waters...Crocodile Five is my favorite HTG movie...Mixed with randomness that is truly a thing of beauty (like a vampire who... dammit, can't spoil it), Crocodile Five sets the benchmark for all comedies in the future of HTG... should be covered up in gold trophies at the next awards ceremony." - Bryan Bishop (100/100, yeah he went a little overboard but that's his style)

"Three words: WTF. Well, an amusing WTF, at that..." -mc48, (thumbs sideways)

"Will there be a sequel to this film? Hard to say at this point. Would I want to see a sequel? I'm not sure if there is room for one, the way it ended, but it is definately a style of writing and directing I'd love to see again. Mbroderick has done his job and entertained a critic, something not easily done." - Sydias (85/100)

"I felt so much sympathy for the beast in that moment – more than I did for the numerous people that Luther had kidnapped and dispatched along the way." - Random FX (79/100)

"Here is the reason we still go to the cinemas." - Hand (85/100)


[align=center]Current Overall Critical Average: 81

That means: GO SEE IT! FORM YOUR OWN OPINION! BRING THAT AVERAGE UP OR DOWN! MAKE SOME SERIOUS CASH MONEY![/align]


I am still offering $2 million to anyone who has a review published on the Critic's Corner and $3 million to anyone who has never written a review before and writes one for this. There's cash money to be made so go out and make it!
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BB
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The Writing Machine
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So when do I get my bribe?
Hollywood the Game is awesome.
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mbroderick
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Get a Life
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INT. - BASEMENT
The scene begins with a shot of a dark staircase from the bottom of the stairs. The door opens at the top of the staircase and light seeps into the room. The figure in the door begins to walk down the stairs. It is MILES (John Turturro) followed by ALEX, his son, MAXINE, his daughter, and NORA, his wife (Mary-Louise Parker), bringing up the rear. They are all carrying their most valued possessions. As the door swings shut behind NORA, MILES turns on his flashlight. NORA and ALEX do the same. They reach the bottom of the stairs.

[align=center]ALEX
Dad, where are we going?

MILES
Alex, I'm only going to say this once more. We’re going to live underneath the surface of the Earth.[/align]


[align=center]Edward Norton
John Turturro
Mary Louise-Parker
Sean Bean
Luis Guzman
Penelope Cruz
Chazz Palmintieri
Jason Statham
Bobby Cannavale
Diedrich Bader
and Velvet Revolver

in a Fernando Meirelles Film

See the movie that even that sourpuss jgraham is giving a 70

Crocodile Five. One Day Left to Read and Vote.[/align]
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mbroderick
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Get a Life
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Crocodile Five will be leaving theaters sometime in the next several weeks. My offer regarding reviews is still in effect. If you send in a review I'll give you $2 million. If you've never sent in a review before and you send in one for Crocodile Five I'll give you $3 million. And as an extra incentive, the next person who sends in a review for it, I'll give $4 million. So I know you were the first respond to the offer, send me a copy at mbroderick271@yahoo.com
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