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Jak Ciero
Tweet Topic Started: Aug 3 2010, 08:14 PM (211 Views)
littlebinlove Aug 3 2010, 08:14 PM Post #1

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Habbo Name: littlebinlove
Rp Combat: Hit/Imaple/Skin/Muscle/Bone/Etc
Name: Jak Ciero
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Height: 5' 9'
Weight: 154 pounds
Abilites: Charge , Fast , Archery , Swordsmanship
Weaknesses: Hates Spiders, Magic owns on him. Has a bad temper. Hes fast but doesn't have a lot of defenses.



Info: When Jak was 13 he was disowned for a murder he never even did. Once he was 14 he joined a Band of Thieves in order to make a living. As a thief he stole food and Money to make a living. Once the law Enforcement caught up with him....He killed the Band Leader and disappeared. Once he was 21 he joined the soldiers. He lives a quiet life in the Kingdom. He carries a Leather Breast Plate and a Iron Spear. He also is known to have a bad temper. He is cousins with Mark Ciero.
History:
When he was 10 he witnessed alot of deaths. His friends and family were killing each other. So he got together with Mark and planned to run away. His parents found out and disowned him. (look above). Once he was in the BOT he ended up meeting a long lost cousin who was killed by bandits by getting hit by an arrow in the back and getting paralyzed. So once he went into the city, He lived up as a outcast. He lived with Mark in his Cabin until he found his calling.....Being a soldier. After his first war he was promoted to Footman. He later started to begin his service in the city.

History (Alot of Detail) ((SCREAMING HAWK YA NOOB)):
Jak was the child to Jim and Mary Ciero. Who were the citizens of the city Magalorion (I made this up so STFU). It was torn apart by war that lasted almost a century. He saw Neighbors killing each other. Once he was tied up in a murder that never was commited by him......He got disowned and the Law Enforcements never saw him again. So he changed his name to Jak Ciero. And he commited a Robbery for survival. (More to be added)
Edited by littlebinlove, Aug 4 2010, 11:10 PM.
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Bradley Aug 3 2010, 08:42 PM Post #2

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even though im not an opinionator, nothing against but bio could be a tad more in-depth and more better honestly
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ScreamingHawk Aug 3 2010, 08:53 PM Post #3

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Jul 30, 2010
4/10

Issue
 
Lacking a lot of things, I can't really quote the section because this bio is anorexic the weight is underweight, the height is mega short shorter, unless that's what you want.


Reason & Issue
 

The reason for this bio being a low score is just pure pathetic, I see the only way you fixing this is by adding more to your history, adding an inventory. This has to be like the smallest, rushed bio I have ever seen. Here's a sum up of what you need. And the weakness is too weak to be a weakness, If you add another were fine.

+ Inventory.
+ Longer History.
+ [OPTIONAL] Change Weight & Height.
+ [OPTIONAL] Picture.
+ Another Weakness, a good one.


Till Fixed, I totally disapprove of this bio
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