| Florid Flowers; The story that this forum exists for | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 2 2011, 02:25 AM (619 Views) | |
| Gep | May 2 2011, 03:04 AM Post #21 |
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The Almighty Producer
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>>>Insert Name While thinking about your name, you suddenly remember you're wearing a new pair of underwear. That means you still haven't labeled them with your name. You twist around and yank the rear end of you rear end's covering up to reveal the surface of the tag upon which you will write your name. Needless to say, this is all rather arousing due to your currect GENDERTYPE setting. You scribble the name "Timothy Poindexter" onto the tag. Edited by bespectacledLibrarian, May 6 2011, 04:36 AM.
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| Gep | May 2 2011, 03:04 AM Post #22 |
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The Almighty Producer
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>>>Set your gendertype back...AGAIN Due to the immense presence of your now existant boner combined with the wedgie you have recently developed you suddenly realise that your GENDERTYPE must have switched when your GAC blasted you. You find it to be set to UNACCEPTABLY EFFEMINATE. You switch it back to UNFATHOMABLY ASEXUAL again and allow your boner to deflate before doing anything else to avoid poking a hole in your brand new underwear which you just labeled so carefully. In the mean time, you decide to check your other stats as well. STATUS REPORT: APLOMB 314 BOTTLE 17 CHOLER 185 DEFECANCE -34 (APEKIND) You're happy to learn that your APLOMB stat is about where it always is, which is particularly high, probably thanks to the amazing job you did labeling your undergarments. Your BOTTLE stat seems to have taken a hit after the incident with your GAC. As well, your CHOLER has sky rocketed due to the number of shenanegans you have endured today. You'll need to regulate those two stats before you can leave. Your DEFECANCE meter is currently set to APEKIND and has suffered greatly. In fact, this stat has been shovel so far up your ass you probably won't be able to use it for a while. Edited by bespectacledLibrarian, May 6 2011, 04:36 AM.
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| Gep | May 2 2011, 03:05 AM Post #23 |
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The Almighty Producer
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>>>Be the other guy. You are now the other guy. You barely managed to do it on account of this dude's wicked hair job consisting of his THICK POOFY HAIR, GRUFF BEARD, and UNTAMED BODY HAIR. In fact, the only reason you're now this guy is because of the small gap in fortification caused by his UNASSUMINGLY SKIMPY MUSTACHE. You are currently standing just inside your room with the door nearly shut behind you. You can see everything in your room from this angle. Your INTERESTS include PLAYING KEYBOARD and kepping a MOTLEY ASSORTMENT of stuff lying around your room like BAGS OF USEFUL JUNK as well as the STICKY NOTES strewn across your walls. You too enjoy RETRO VIDEO GAMING and like to PLAY BASS every now and then. You notice your closet door is hanging open slightly |
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| Gep | May 2 2011, 03:05 AM Post #24 |
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The Almighty Producer
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>>>Investigate the closet You saunter over towards the closet door. Upon opening it OH GOD WHAT IS THIS DEAD BODY DOING IN HERE? |
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| Gep | May 2 2011, 03:06 AM Post #25 |
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The Almighty Producer
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>>> You chill the fuck out. It's just the fake skeleton you keep in your closet. It must've come off its hook on the inside of the door when you opened it. You hang it back up where it belongs. Inside of the closet you find an assortment of the fancier kind of clothes you own which are hardly worth mentioning since you barely use them. You honestly don't know why you have half of this crap. More importantly, you remember that you keep an assortment of WOODEN SWORDS tucked away in the closet, out of view. You crafted most of them with only a couple having been bought. You decide that you are extremely hip because of this despite the fact that you're well aware of how silly it is. As well, you notice a PAIR OF HANDLE BARS on the closet floor |
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| Gep | May 2 2011, 03:06 AM Post #26 |
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The Almighty Producer
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>>>Ignore the silly attachments for which you hold on to, use the swords and jump around like an idiot. You grab one of your WOODEN SWORDS from within the deepest reach of your closet (about a forearm's length in) and completely revert the little chill session you had only moments ago. You start flipping the fuck out. You remember that you're rather strange. So strange in fact that you cannot simply jump up and down. No, absolutely not. Your BATSHIT meter is hicked up much too far for that. You decide to go crashing out of your bedroom window. |
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| Gep | May 2 2011, 03:06 AM Post #27 |
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The Almighty Producer
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>>>Be the Grass You would absolutely love to be the grass, but you're much too busy getting ready to kiss it hello after jumping out of your window. This task is made slightly difficult by the fact that your room is located on the rear end second floor of your house. In order to safely introduce yourself to the grass, you quickly make use of the SMOKER AND BBQ located on the ground below your window. You spring off of the rigid workshop of a craftsman dealing with the most delicious of crafts in some incredibly flavorful display of what complete BATSHIT is really capable of. You'd say it has a flavor similar to that of a pineapple. You nolonger feel the need to kiss the grass hello, so instead you simply wave at it. Your BATSHIT replenishes itself. |
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| Gep | May 2 2011, 03:06 AM Post #28 |
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The Almighty Producer
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>>>Consider your actions. Since you're already all the way down here on the sloping grassy surface of your backyard, you decide to consider your actions. You begin by considering the fact that there is no reason for you to consider your actions simply because you are now in your backyard. You are perfectly capable of considering your actions anywhere. You quickly dispense of this train of thought and continue considering. You quickly make a mental timeline of what you've done since becoming self aware. You realize for the second time today that you are rather strange. In fact you are quite strange. Your BATSHIT continues to rise. You decide to check just how batshit your BATSHIT is at this point. You check your stats. STATUS REPORT: APLOMB 40 BOTTLE 97 CHOLER 1 DEFECANCE 482+ (BATKIND) Your APLOMB stat is understandably low due to the fact that you're not all that cool. You do manage to maintain a baseline rating of the stat though. Although your BOTTLE stat is moderate, it is preposterous that someone would be able to jump out of a window with this rating. You'd venture to say that it's total batshit to even consider doing something of that caliber with such a mediocre degree of BOTTLE. Actually, your BATSHIT is the only reason why your DEFECANCE stat hasn't been generously applied as a new coating of paint to the outside wall of your house. It's already shockingly high and still climbing. Your CHOLER stat is almost non-existant. You are the most level headed motherfucker ever. Your DEFECANCE stat more than makes up for the shortage however. In fact, your DEFECANCE stat nearly replaces all of your other stats altogether. You realize that this is completely batshit. The base rate for your DEFECANCE increases slightly. You suddenly remember that you left your HANDLE BARS in your room. |
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| Gep | May 2 2011, 03:07 AM Post #29 |
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The Almighty Producer
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>>>Locate the handle bars You decide to retrive your handle bars. You could just jump back up to the window, but you opt instead to simply go in through your house's back door. You reenter your house to find yourself standing in your father's down stairs master bedroom. It is a cozy little niche complete with its own bathroom and a waterbed. It constantly smells like cigarette smoke on account of your father's terrible vice. You casually ignore this room and proceed to the door leading into your basement. It is spacious and unfinished with concrete floors, cinderblock walls, and insulation visibly wedged between the boards above that constitute the floor on which your room is located. You stroll up the basement stairs and exit into the hallway. You promptly proceed to your room and, thusly, to your closet. You find your HANDLE BARS lying right where you remember them. You add your GAME ALL CONTROLLER to your inventory. You wonder what the other guy is doing. |
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| Gep | May 2 2011, 03:07 AM Post #30 |
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The Almighty Producer
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>>>Apply your vast knowledge of the multiverse and save your other friend's life! You suddenly sense that your other friend is in danger. You would love to save them but you're many miles away. The most you can do is abuse your natural talent for reading and navigating the abstract universe around you and everything associated with it. In otherwords, more BATSHIT. You make quick use of your abilities and warp your aid as well as some of your monstrous DEFECANCE stat to your other friend. You do hope they're ok |
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7:23 PM Jul 11