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| Stop, Rant Thing!; A whole lot of words straight from the mouths of Zack Evermore and James Whitman | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 13 2011, 02:01 PM (223 Views) | |
| Slice | Nov 13 2011, 02:01 PM Post #1 |
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Has-Been
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![]() BOOOOOOM! Could you calm down, please? Welcome to "STOP! Rant Thing!", The first ever edition! Snap!!! I'm Zack Evermore, and with me is my trainer and pal... James Whitman. James DEATHTRAP Whitman! Yeah that too. Man, I wish I had a nickname. A moniker, if you will. That sounds so holy. It sounds like "monk" AND "nun", without actually sounding like them at all. AND monastery. Words are fun. DUDE! We should totally open up a monastery-themed nightclub called Moniker! That might offend some people. Nah, DOUG! We'd keep it super cool. Like you know, the monk chanting stuff, that'd be the music. All wide open spaces, candles... Basically it'd be like one of those places far off in the mountains. So... nothing like a night club at all. NOW you're catchin' on, Jimmyboy! Alright, you wanna tell me what this pod is ABOUT now? Hell if I know, we just talk. So... You dragged me out of my new house in LA to do a pod about nothing? Man, I feel like Seinfeld. Riiiight. Anyways, how's it feel to be in MWE, fool? You said after the last time that you wouldn't go back, if i remember correctly. James, if we all kept to our words from stuff we said a long time ago, everybody would be astronauts and princesses. The truth is, times change, situations change, people change... Change is the only constant? Change and Regular Show being awesome. A grown-ass man watching cartoons. M, m, m. So sad. Shut up you porcupinelicker! Anyways, I'm already two billion times happier with this new MWE. No backstage politics spilling out so far, decent pay, they gave me my own show- Speaking of which, I hate to break it to you but in the age of the internet, getting a podcast isn't that impressive. It is if it's hosted on one of the most popular wrestling feds' site! Dude, come on. I know you're biased against MWE- Well, you know what they did to David. Grudges ain't good for your heart, SON! Shut up, sellout. You shut up, trappy! Hey you should release a special DeathTrap branded napkin, call it the Trapkin! Frickin' sweet. Limited edition. First ten orders get a free- - A free Trapperkeeper? Or a Traptitude test. A Trapple? Deathtrap brand apples. I can dig it. ANYWAYS, let's try to maintain some semblance of a point to this 'cast. Awwww... What's your opinion on the new MWE management? Well they all seem really nice. You say that about everyone, Zack. Yeah but that's only because it's true. I wish I were simpleminded like you. Simpleminded by CHOICE. Keep telling yourself that. Besides, I don't see the point in being negative all the time. The world is fruckin' negative enough, man. Dip into the cosmic positivity, dude. You know sometimes I swear I think you were abducted and raped by little green aliens when you were younger. That... is so wrong. And they jizzed positivityjuice in you. …On soooo many levels and dimensions. Seriously, you sound like a walking self-help book. I don't know how Anderson hasn't murdered you yet. ...Who? Your bodyguard? Whom you've known for like 6 months now...? OH! Bellington the third! See, and shit like that. His name is freakin’ Will Anderson! Not Belarus, belly, Russian hour, Allan the Panda- But you've know me for like, half my life, and you've never killed me. That I know of... That's different. I've had to deal with David's iffy mental status since we were young as fuck. I was there when his first girlfriend killed herself. I've seen and lived through fucked up stuff... Belly has too. Yeah but not like that, not complex, gray area crap. His shit is straightforward. War, political chaos, revolutions left and right... Sounds like the old MWE. Heh. Heh. Yeah but that sort of thing. Which makes it even more of a miracle that he hasn't separated your head from your body yet. Nah man. At first, I didn’t like the idea of you getting me a babysitter. But I gotta admit, the big lug grew on me. We BONDED. And I know that TinkerBell is a cool dude. He wouldn't hurt me. His patience is just mindboggling, is all. Whatever, flinchie. So, on a lighter note... you wanna tell the good listeners why you don't swear? Hey! It's the first episode! Let's not divulge too much personal info AIGHT? Sigh. Alright, you wanna talk about your upcoming match then? Hmmmm.... Nah. Are we literally just gonna talk shit? Well not literally. Don't be gross. Sometimes I wonder why I bother. Hey! That reminds me; for those of you who were watching my recent video and are confizzlefied by the abrupt cut-out, I apologize. It was explained to me by MWE staff as some sort of technical difficulty... But? But... Someone on the inside told me they don't think it was an accident. Go on. This source tells me some people in MWE decided it'd be best not to show my little outburst in a respected franchise... Well you DID scare that poor girl senseless! YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DID! Anyways rest assured I'll have the whole clip up somewhere for you to see, 'cause I want people to know the real me, the WHOLE me, not just what certain people want them to see. They grow up so fast. Speaking of realness, whatever happened to your Carnage run, the EGO faction and all that? Well ZACK, what happened was that Carnage management started changing my matches. One minute I'm booked against Matsuda, he complains to management, bam! Next thing I know I’m undercard. We went in there with the intention of taking over; we quickly realized there wasn't really anything TO take over. They have some ironclad power to choose their top wrestlers, meaning I could wrestle 200 matches, win every single one, and still get 0 respect. So, at that point, it was just like, is this worth it? ... Well, was it?! You're an idiot. So you're saying you left CW because of the way they treated you and NOT because of the injury you suffered at that max guy's hands? Well yeah, that kind of helped too. Did it hurt? Wh- what are you, twelve?! I lacerated my knee! ... So then... Yes, right? I hate you. That's fine, we can cut that out. Speaking of cutting, let's end this thing. Fine you party pooper! Well dear listener, thanks for your time- And patience- And we'll be seeing you next time, with some special guests and rousing topics! It's gonna be sick! Ill! Dope! INSANE!!!!! …STOP, RANT THING! |
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