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Public/ Social Skills
Topic Started: Sep 10 2012, 09:00 PM (1,060 Views)
SkittleE
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Ich Bin Grammar Nazi.

I think my parents just kind of gave up after the fourth kid.

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fantanoice
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Chain Chomp
Well, in my case I went from somebody who would get anxiety attacks from the thought of conversation and eventually grew into a reasonably confident speaker. Here is my story:


I used to be the quietest, shyest person ever during primary school. I would get anxiety attacks and would want to cry whenever I had to speak to anyone. As you can probably tell, I essentially had no friends and nobody I could really depend on. I had one close friend who left the school at the end of Grade 3 and I never heard from again, and I had another friend who during Grade 5 got into a group with some other girls and bullied me for shitsngiggles (but now I find out she's poor, a slut, didn't finish high school and has a kid, trollololol).

Suffice to say, when I went to a high school that nobody else from my primary school went to. Things didn't really change instantly. The first two years (Year 7 and 8) were basically the same as high school - no real friends and people bullying me simply because I was an easy target. I had grown out of wanting to cry from conversations - and frankly I dearly wanted them, but I was still reasonably shy and didn't really know how to initiate a conversation. I did meet a select few nice people during that time, but I never hung out with them in case I felt like I was invading their personal space. Most recesses I would basically spend hiding in the toilets just so I wouldn't have to face anyone (like that scene from Mean Girls, but without the eating-of-food in there).

Eventually it got to Year 9 and I got speaking to one member of the 'select few nice people I've met' club and got into a conversation with her friends - and they were totally cool with it. It was a new thing for me, seeing as essentially every other group conversation I had with anyone up to that point had involved subtle suggestions of them wanting me to leave so they could say what they really wanted to. So, the next day I bumped into them again and had another chat. And the next day. Eventually it was a daily thing to have conversations with this group and, dare I say it, I actually had some damn friends.

This basically continued through the rest of high school. Eventually that came to a close and I went to Uni. One of the first things I noticed was that at Uni (or at least in my course), everybody speaks to everyone. There were no cliques, no gossip, just people wanting to learn and socialise. Also, doing a games degree, I basically got pinned in a course with people I had an obvious thing-in-common with. This made speaking to 'new' people a lot easier because even though I may not have been the best at initiating conversations, I always had a fall back.

Then came the next step, which was getting a job. I went through about three years of on-off interviews. They key is to be honest, but honest in a way that makes you sound like somebody they want. It's basically just knowing what to say at the right time - in other words - using social skills appropriately. I remember for my current job they actually asked me questions that were relevant to technical skills which I was a little surprised by because a lot of places only do those strange psychology-like questions and the "Are you a team player?" bullcrap ones. I remember they had me try to explain a database and off the top of my head I went with some kind of RPG ability system (fire abilities, water abilities, characters, etc). In hindsight I'm a little surprised I got the job with an answer like that (they're not a games company at all), but hey, I guess they liked me. XD They even said they generally hire on personality, so getting the job after that made me kinda giddy in a, "People out there actually like me!"-kind of way.

Probably the most recent thing I've hurdled over is speaking on the phone. No joke, I had the biggest fear of speaking on telephones until earlier this year. I was always paranoid that I would mess up my words or run out of things to say. Whenever I had to make a call I would write down exactly what I had to say before making it, even if it was just to order a pizza. I got over this by, funnily enough, using the telephone. Communication is a pretty important thing at my work and we all work on different floors, states, and sometimes even countries. When you need to immediately contact someone, the telephone just works. After the first few times and not really having any awkward situations, I just got used to it and didn't really fear it at all.


So I guess in a nutshell, I got confidence in speaking by speaking. It wasn't an easy road but I'm proud of the growth I've made in that respect. I guess my best advice for anybody struggling with shyness is to just gradually talk a little more. Also find people who like you and you feel at ease with talking to, because they'll ease the process a bit. I know finding people is hard and you don't really know if they like you until after you've met, but it's just another challenge, I guess. I suggest if you're going to look for people then find where people like you congregate (eg: a games convention, pop culture shop, etc).

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Social skills are super easy to fake, just ask the person you are taking to a lot of questions. This makes them feel important when talking to you. Eventually a question will hit a topic you know something about and you can talk about that.

That's not faking, those are actual social skills. XD

Also that reminded me of this:
http://youtu.be/k0xgjUhEG3U
Edited by fantanoice, Sep 12 2012, 11:12 AM.
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FKCoffee
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Bob-omb
I guess I have alright social skills. I mean, I'm shy and everything (even though I'm way social when I get to know you), but when I have to talk to people I can do it. I always just talk with people the way I'd want to be talked to. They seem to respond well enough to it.
Edited by FKCoffee, Sep 12 2012, 11:58 AM.
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Undead M
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I suppose the reason I'm pretty good with people was because was the first child, as well as grandchild, on both sides of the family. I do not have any older siblings or cousins, so once they started being born I was the one who had to deal with them because they looked up to me. XD
Edited by Undead M, Sep 12 2012, 07:26 PM.
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wolfenflautist0994
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Buzzy Beetle
I used to have pretty bad social skills. I could still do a bit better, but I used to stutter and stammer like nobody's business. It was hard for me to get what I wanted to say said because I just wasn't used to that kind of interaction. Also, I was a very timid person. What's strange is that I think that something just clicked when I graduated high school. Don't ask me what it was because I don't even know. I can interact with people pretty well, even if they're complete strangers. I still seem to be pretty quiet, though. It's just when it's a short little comment, I don't stutter like I used to. I say what I have on my mind, and it turns out all right.

As for my ex...well...he reminds me of how I was. He stammers and stutters when trying to talk to people. At least I think he does still. The last time I talked to him in person was a few weekends ago. I believe that he was the same as he was when we were together. It's sad to think that that was how I was. I'm so glad that I grew out of it, and all it takes is thinking about what you're gonna say before you say it. Don't just trip over your words like that. Just pause, think, and then speak. I've found it to be much easier. It also isn't nearly as embarrassing if at all.
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Logan18
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I used to be really shy and basically only stick to talking to my friends. But starting my freshman year my social skills have improved every year. I'm also a lot more confident with the ladies! ;)
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Evil Taco
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Boo
I used to be pretty shy. I really didn't have to many friends up until middle school, then I started to to become more social into high school. Now you can't shut me up. :P
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Shady Death
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My social skills have improved ten fold since middle school, although they're still not amazing. My public skills however are atrocious as ever, I choke when answering a math question.
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Boss
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(●_>●)!

I used to be a really anti-social person in elementary. I really only had one friend.
I got better in middle school, but I still only had like a few people to talk to.
And apparently I stopped giving a fuck in high school and am probably one of the most confident people I know. I have wayyyyyyy more friends than I did back then.
I enjoy presenting and talking in front of people now.
So yeah everything worked out in the end.
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Super Bowser Bros.
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Ring of Fire
I'm starting to wonder why people start becoming less shy when they get older.



At my school just about everybody stays the same as they did in Elementary.
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Yeshua
you've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?
Personally, I was pretty shy up until maybe around 8th grade, then in high school I became a bit more social, but once college started I became a lot more anti-social and cynical.
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fantanoice
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Chain Chomp
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Sep 15 2012, 08:28 PM
I'm starting to wonder why people start becoming less shy when they get older.



At my school just about everybody stays the same as they did in Elementary.
I'm pretty sure it comes down to the fact that the more you speak to people, the easier it gets and the more confident you feel doing it. In addition to that, the more confident you are speaking to people, the more you do it.

Exponential growth.
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Demon_skeith
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The one who pawns you!
I'm sadly shy and don't got many social skills, not sure why.

I do better online than offline.
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wolfenflautist0994
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Buzzy Beetle
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Sep 15 2012, 08:28 PM
I'm starting to wonder why people start becoming less shy when they get older.



At my school just about everybody stays the same as they did in Elementary.
You'll see a change within the next couple of years or so. You'll be surprised at how people change so much in such a short amount of time.
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Rick
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Im really decently social, except for one thing: Girls

I dont fucking understand it. Im not afraid to talk to them, or even ask them out. I just always get fucking rejected for no reason and it pisses me off.
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