| Dear Diary...; Tear's private journal ~Keep Out~ | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 7 2012, 12:53 AM (35 Views) | |
| Melodist | Mar 7 2012, 12:53 AM Post #1 |
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Dear Diary, I love Jade. That certainly shouldn't be news. We've been a couple for a year and a half, and we are engaged to be married. I love him. Why, exactly, well, that's more complicated. The things I love about him now are things I didn't really see in him before. The way he acts when flustered, realizing that he does, at times, get flustered, the sweetness in everything we do together, and the gentleness. It hard to believe I would ever call him gentle, but he is, and strangely fragile. And I love him for it. But, all this, I didn't know when I confessed that night too drunk to not blurt it out. I am grateful I did, so many wonderful things have come of it, but, I don't know why. Part of me fears that it was the influence of that strange woman and her strange town lingering on. Perhaps it was a simple teenage crush, though I loathe to admit it. I don't know why, still, why I chose him over Luke. While I know now that Luke was not for me, no, that's not true. He isn't for me now. I did love him then, for a long time. Luke was easy to fall for, I suppose. He was sweet beneath the rough spoiled exterior, and he cared for me in time. I know now that it was a burst, though, a flare, a flash, a spark that was never going to catch flame. But Jade... He was still the Colonel, the aloof, the distant, the forever far away one who was always, always at arms length even when he was standing right next to you. He was an enigma, a mystery, strange, un-knowable, and now I know him so well I can't imagine how I didn't see it all. There was something there , some spark of friendship that could light something more. And then, that town! I don't remember it clearly, it was a blur, and yet, I still recall the feel of his lips on mine that first time. In that moment, I knew I loved him. And, I suspected, he had feelings for me. I suppose I had thought once or twice before that, surely, as a man, he was attracted to the female form, certainly one capable as my own. Or perhaps he thought of himself in a paternal light in regard to me. Perhaps that was how I saw him as well, the father I had never had. And they say a girl's first love is her father... I don't even know what I am saying now. I need to clear my head, perhaps take a bath... |
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4:37 AM Jul 11
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4:37 AM Jul 11