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| Shot at a Lullaby; 2 Attempts | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jun 17 2007, 10:20 PM (132 Views) | |
| Zandyne | Jun 17 2007, 10:20 PM Post #1 |
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DEATHxGAMBLERxQUEEN FTW
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("Clear Night" - First Attempt) Payers drifting in the wind Light beaming from the high skyline Don't mind this sunless time The moon is watching over your sleeping bed Dreaming, Dreaming of fantasies when your eyes shut Sleep soundly little one, the night is your immortal friend The sun's just beyond the horizon* (repeat tune with humming) ("Winter Snow" - Second Attempt) Snowflakes dancing gracefully in the air Watch them, delicate glass butterflies Catch them with a guardian's great care This kind winter sprite's beautiful allies Marvel at the sun that glints off cold wings Fluttering with glee and benevolent joy Spiraling, swirling, glistening aurora rings Each of these tiny goddesses is coy Let these pearl treasures return home For if each child was to keep the little fae Mother earth would feel quietly alone Relinquish her child so she won't fade away I have no idea if this is in the right catagory as this is intended for use in a fanfic I'm writing, but it can easily stand on its own, so I'll just put it here (hopefully that's ok). Ok what this is for is Snowflakes and Specimens, but I have no idea how to write lullabies. I tried listening to some soft-tunes and an UBER music box to try and get something lullaby-esque but I don't know..... Some feedback or suggestions would be great. First one has no rhyme, and second has a A-B-A-B rhyme-scheme (school is out so I don't care what the official name of that sort of poetic writing is called). |
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| Silenthearts | Jun 18 2007, 07:25 PM Post #2 |
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Forum Raper
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i like them. its really beautiful how you write. |
[size=7]I am wedded to calamity, and his name is twilightsown. <3[/size]![]() ![]() <a href='http://eapr-1/@-3@166@' target='_blank'></a> | |
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| Zandyne | Jun 19 2007, 02:46 AM Post #3 |
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DEATHxGAMBLERxQUEEN FTW
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thank you! Out of curiosity, which sounds more like a lullaby? |
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| Ryusuke | Jun 19 2007, 01:14 PM Post #4 |
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Writer/Voice Actor/Confused Phantom
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Those poems are very nice.
:D
Hmm...the first one kinda does. The second one sounds like something one of my characters would say. :lol: j/k Can't really give you a big explanation for it, sorry. O.o It's just how the flow is, I guess. |
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3:55 AM Jul 11