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| There Are Ways; Part Three: After Larkhall | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 11 2010, 06:48 AM (5,622 Views) | |
| mlbach | Sep 11 2010, 06:48 AM Post #1 |
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Keys for the handcuffs!
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Disclaimer: Shed Productions made the characters, wrote the original stories, and have full copyright to them. We are using these characters simply for non-profit, entertainment value. The same goes for any other known copyrighted character/storyline where a cross over fiction is written. I am happy to accept feedback openly by readers. (BOARD NOTE we would recommend if any length i.e. more than a couple of points, it is done privately away from the story itself). Chapter 1 In the three and a half years since Nikki won her appeal and left Larkhall prison, she and Helen were rarely apart except when either of them had to work. They hadn't set out to live a life joined at the hip, but even the first night it seemed the most natural thing in the world for Nikki to come home to Helen's flat, and to stay for breakfast the next morning, spend the morning talking and then have lunch, talk some more and then it was time for tea, until finally night had come again and Nikki didn't want to leave anymore than Helen wanted her to. Helen hadn't yet been offered a job and she wasn't digging very deeply to get one, so in the weeks that followed they were free to spend as much time together as they chose. On one occasion Helen gently suggested to Nikki that she might want to find her own place, or possibly stay at Monica Lindsay's half-way house for a time. Nikki misunderstood Helen's reason for suggesting it, which was to give Nikki a chance to find her own way, apart from Helen, and chivalrously began making arrangements to move to Monica's. When Helen found her morosely gathering her things together and assured Nikki that she didn't want her to leave, her relief was so great that Helen never mentioned it again. Very early on Helen began taking Nikki grocery shopping with her, and trips that had previously taken Helen a half hour to complete turned into two or three hour expeditions. After years of bland prison food and having little choice in what she could eat, Nikki was initially paralyzed by the nearly endless variety in types of food available. The first time they went into a grocery, Nikki stopped dead and looked around dazedly. Helen waited quietly, a gentle hand on Nikki's arm. "Bloody hell," muttered Nikki. "I'd forgotten what these places were like." Helen tried to be patient those first few trips, while Nikki obsessively read product labels and ingredient lists, comparing various brands. Helen would invariably end up saying, "Well, I usually buy this one." and Nikki would immediately capitulate. Doing that gave Helen a twinge of guilt, but it certainly saved a lot of time. Helen finally got the bright idea of having them split up at the door and take separate baskets. Helen gathered biscuits, tea and other dry goods, leaving Nikki to get the produce, cheese, meat and fish, and fresh-baked bread--all items that she could see, touch and smell. With her experience with her veg patch and her willingness to chat up the green grocers, Nikki was able to find out what was in season and pick the freshest items in the bins. After Helen got her job at Crowshall, an open prison, and began working full-time, Nikki started shopping for produce at local farmer's markets, because it was direct from the growers and that much fresher. She called around to find shops that carried pasture raised chickens and eggs, beef and lamb, and tapped into a network of buying clubs. She also redid the garden, turning all of the annual flower beds into vegetable plots, greatly reducing the number of perennials and planting small fruits and asparagus instead, and planting grapes, kiwis and espaliered fruit trees along the walls. As a final touch she tore down the potting shed and erected a small greenhouse. The first time she served Helen fresh salad greens in the dead of winter, the expression on Nikki's face was so smug that Helen had to laugh, then repented immediately when that expression turned sheepish. It was only Nikki's insistence that the greens had to be eaten right away while they were still at their peak of freshness that kept Helen from comforting her as completely as she would have liked. Nikki taught herself to bake bread and from there slowly expanded her cooking repertoire, until Helen found herself coming home every day to meals cooked from scratch, leaving for work in the mornings after eating a cooked breakfast, and carrying a lunch with a sandwich on fresh-baked bread and a salad made from fresh-picked vegetables. She finally came to the conclusion that Nikki had a full-blown food obsession, but decided not to say anything and just let it run its course. She certainly wasn't going to complain about it--she was beginning to feel quite spoiled. Once Nikki had a routine down in her food acquisition and preparation, she began to feel restless and finally went to see Trish, demanding that she be given some of the work in running Chix. Trish happily gave Nikki back the basic bookkeeping, hiring and firing chores, keeping for herself the day-to-day running of the club. The arrangement suited them both as the tedium of office work bored Trish and the night life no longer held any allure for Nikki now that she had Helen to go home to. The days and weeks that followed passed smoothly with few notable exceptions. The first bump in the road occurred when they celebrated Helen's first birthday after Nikki's release. Helen opened her present, a volume of lesbian erotica. Nikki's happily expectant smile froze when she saw Helen's expression. "What? What's wrong? Don't you like it?" Helen didn't say anything for a long moment, then asked in a small voice, "Nikki, why did you give me this?" "Because...it's your birthday," Nikki fumbled, desperately wanting to give the right answer, the one that would change the stricken look on Helen's face. "Because I love you." "No, why did you give me this ?" "Because you love literature," said Nikki, puzzled. Helen sighed and her face softened. "It's not because you think I need...pointers?" "Oh, my god, no!" exclaimed Nikki. "Is that what you thought?" She embraced Helen's shoulders and buried her face in her hair. "God, you could write a book. You should write a book. You'd be doing the world a favor." It was some time before Helen had a chance to thoroughly examine her present. The second bump came when they learned that Shaz Wiley had died in a fire in the Larkhall library, and that Barbara Hunt, Nikki's closest friend her last year there, had been injured. Nikki raged in the flat and in the garden, wanting to destroy something but unwilling to damage anything of Helen's. Helen watched Nikki's frenzied pacing for as long as she could stand, then left the room to make a phone call. When she returned she tersely asked Nikki to please get in the car and then drove to Monica's. Monica met them outside and told Nikki that she had a chore that needed doing. Nikki sullenly went to the back yard as asked. Monica explained that she need a hole dug--about four feet wide and three feet deep. Nikki stared at her for a moment in disbelief, then grabbed the shovel and started digging savagely, grunting with each shovelful. The grunts became mutters and the mutters became yells. She kept digging until her muscles were screaming and she was exhausted, and the hole was more than twice the size that Monica had asked for. Helen helped Nikki out of the hole and into the house where Monica was waiting in the kitchen with hot tea and biscuits, her three residents watching white-faced from the next room. They'd all heard of Nikki Wade, and Nikki Wade in a despairing rage was beyond anything they'd heard. "I need a wash," she mumbled tiredly. "You can use the sink, dear," said Monica. "Just do your hands. The rest doesn't matter." Nikki washed her hands and forearms, then leaned against the sink, unable to initiate any further action. Helen handed her a towel and Nikki dried her hands and then held the towel limply until Helen took it from her and gently guided her to a stool next to the kitchen counter. "Drink some tea, dear," urged Monica. Nikki obediently took a swallow and looked at Monica in surprise. The tea was liberally laced with cream, sugar, and brandy. She drank the rest of the mug and Monica refilled it. She continued drinking, but more slowly this time. Halfway through her third mug-full Nikki began weeping quietly. Helen rubbed Nikki's shoulders and Monica held her left hand. "Poor Shaz," said Nikki. "Yes," said Helen. "She never had a chance. Not her whole shitting life." "I know." Nikki continued to weep. Helen and Monica looked at each other. Monica said, "She can stay here. As long as she likes." Nikki shook her head. "What is it, Sweetheart?" "Please, let me come home." "Of course, darling. We'll leave whenever you want." Helen smiled an apology to Monica and mouthed, "Thank you." Monica shook her head slightly and said softly, "Least I could do." A few minutes later Nikki took a shuddering breath and staggered to her feet. "'Night, Monica. Thanks." Monica embraced her, "You're welcome, Nikki." "Tell th' kids 'm sorry." "I'm sure they understand." Between Helen and Monica, they got Nikki back out to the car and into the passenger seat. At the flat Helen had to wrestle Nikki inside and into bed by herself. The next day Helen began to tell Nikki everything she remembered about Shaz, including her heart-breaking meeting with the woman whose husband Shaz had poisoned. Nikki then related the stories of Shaz that she remembered: her night-time adventures with Denny, her trials with Al MacKensie and the rest of the Peckham Boot Gang, and eventual triumph. Helen told Nikki some of the same events, as seen from her side of the bars. It was the first time they'd shared memories of Larkhall since Nikki's release. The third, and by far the worst, bump came when Nikki learned that Yvonne Atkins, instead of escaping Larkhall as everyone had thought, had instead died in a forgotten room in a subterranean part of the prison. Where the news of Shaz had made her rage, the news of Yvonne's death made her withdraw completely. She stayed in bed for two days, barely eating. Helen had taken days off work and stayed with her, by turns trying to coax her to eat or drink, and trying to get her to talk. Finally, in desperation, Helen stripped naked, climbed into bed beside her and started making love to her, but Nikki turned away and said "Don't," in a small voice. Helen froze, as if dashed with cold water. She slowly climbed out of bed and put on her robe with shaking hands. This was the first time Nikki had failed to respond to her touch, and the first time Helen was ashamed of having touched her. She was at her wit's end. Raging Nikki, inconsolable Nikki, these she could deal with. Unresponsive Nikki was beyond her. She went to the phone in the other room and entered a nearly forgotten number. After several rings a familiar voice answered. "Helen Stewart! I never expected your name to show up on my caller ID." "I'm sorry, Thomas. I didn't know who else to call. It's Nikki. I'm that worried about her." His humorous, slightly teasing tone immediately became that of a caring professional. "Of course, Helen. What is it?" Helen briefly told him about Yvonne's death and Nikki's response. Thomas listened without comment until after she had finished. "It sounds to me as if she has survivors' guilt." "What can I do?" "You need to get her to talk." Helen made a sound of impatience. "Haven't you been listening? She won't talk to me." "Then you talk to her. About Yvonne. Eventually she should start talking too. If she doesn't--well, call me back. There are medications..." Helen nodded. "Yeah, OK." "And maybe..." "What?" "Did Nikki have any other friends at Larkhall, friends that also knew Yvonne? Someone who'd be available for her to talk to? "God--I'd forgotten! Barbara Hunt! Or maybe it's Barbara Mills, now. She was released months ago. Thank you, Thomas!" She hit the disconnect button and immediately called Monica. "Thank you for coming on such short notice, Barbara. I've been at the end of my tether." "I'm glad you got a hold of me, Helen. I've been wondering how Nikki has been getting on." "Up to now she'd been doing really well, although she had a bad patch last year when she learned about you and Shaz in the fire." "Yes. Poor little Shaz." "And now this thing with Yvonne...I'm really worried, Barbara. I've never seen Nikki like this." "And you say she hasn't been eating?" "Not enough to keep a bird alive." "Well, you go and fix us some tea. And maybe some nice clear soup?" They stopped outside the bedroom door. "She's in here?" Helen nodded. Barbara knocked firmly. "Nikki, dear, it's Barbara. May I come in?" There was no answer. Helen looked at Barbara helplessly. Barbara patted her arm reassuringly. "I'm coming in, dear," Barbara said, and opened the door. Helen headed for the kitchen. Twenty minutes later, Helen knocked softly on the door, balancing a tray on one arm, and a moment later Barbara opened it. Nikki was sitting up in bed now, her face puffy and tear-stained, but she seemed calm. When she saw Helen's face, however, her eyes filled with tears and she put the crumpled tissue she'd been holding up to her face. "God! Should I leave?" Helen asked, distressed. Nikki shook her head and Barbara said, "Let's set the tray up over here." As soon as the tray was out of her hands, Helen stood next to the bed, unsure what to do until Nikki held a hand towards her and sobbed, "Sorry." She immediately sat next to Nikki and embraced her, stroking her hair, "Shh. It's all right. It's my fault. I didn't know what else to do. I was stupid." "No, no. My fault." If Barbara was confused by this exchange she didn't let on, just continued with setting up the tray on the night table. After Nikki had stopped crying and blew her nose, Barbara handed them their tea mugs. "I've been telling Nikki what I remember about Yvonne since she left up until...what we all assumed was her escape. I have no proof, of course, but I'd be willing to bet that Jim Fenner had some part in her death. Despicable man." She rubbed the back of Nikki's hand. "I know he tried to make your life a living hell, Nikki, and once you were gone, he focused all his venom on Yvonne." "Jim bloody Fenner," Helen said bitterly. Her written report of Fenner's sexual assault on her apparently had done no good at all. "You should never have resigned, Helen." Helen froze in shock at the accusation, all the more chilling because of the almost dead quality to Nikki's voice. "Be fair, Nikki," chided Barbara gently. "The man corrupts everything he touches. The two of you were lucky to get out when you did. The only reason I escaped being harassed by him is that I was too old to catch his masculine attention. Thank God!" Helen smiled faintly. "I shouldn't have left either," said Nikki despondently. Helen didn't say anything, remembering what Thomas had told her. "Now you're being ridiculous, Nikki!" exclaimed Barbara. "Why?" cried Nikki. "She was banged up in Larkhall all alone with Jim bloody Fenner and no one to watch her back!" "Well, if you're handing out blame, you'd better put me on the list for not poisoning his tea or his Scotch. God knows I had plenty of chances." At Helen's stunned expression Barbara added dryly, "Oh, yes, it was Mrs. Middle England who said that, and her a vicar's wife, too. Shocking, isn't it?" She held out a bowl and a spoon. "Eat some soup, Nikki," she said, firmly, and to Helen's surprise and relief, Nikki did. Helen and Barbara said good-bye and embraced with genuine affection at the front door. Helen watched Barbara walk down the steps to where the Rev. Henry Mills was waiting patiently in the car. She waved at them and then closed the door. She could hear that Nikki was still in the shower, so she called Thomas back. To her relief the phone was answered by machine and not the man. After the beep she said, "Hello, Thomas. Sorry I hung up on you. I took your advice and called Barbara. She and Nikki talked and Nikki seems much better now. So, thanks a lot." She paused, remembering what Thomas had said to her nearly three years earlier: "...you're not even being honest with yourself." If he hadn't said those words to her and then walked away, she wouldn't now be with the woman showering in the other room. Her eyes filled with tears and she took a deep breath to keep the quaver out of her voice. "Thanks for everything." Helen was clearing the dishes from the night table when she heard the shower shut off. She hesitated, not knowing if she should try to hurry to get the dishes to the kitchen and come back, but in the end she just sat on the bed and waited. Nikki opened the bathroom door, still naked, toweling her hair. Helen glanced away, suddenly shy--this was a woman she nearly tried to rape less than three hours earlier. When Nikki saw her she dropped the towel and sat on the bed beside her, her damp hair falling into her eyes. "Nikki, I'm so ashamed." "I wasn’t angry, Helen." She took Helen's right hand in both of hers. "You needed a way to get through to me." She caressed Helen's palm. “You of all people should know I would understand that. I did some pretty crazy things…” "Nikki,” Helen put her other hand in Nikki’s, “I think we need to start talking about our time at Larkhall. It's going to destroy you if we don't." Nikki dropped her eyes. "Yeah." She shivered slightly. "Well, we don't have to sodding talk about it now!" Helen flared and stood up. "Get dressed! I'll not have you catching your death!" "Right ," smiled Nikki meekly and draped herself with the robe Helen threw at her. "And then get out to the kitchen so I can feed you a proper meal!" "Yes, Helen." That night Nikki wept as Helen cradled her in her arms. "Shh. I'm here." Nikki mumbled something. "What, Sweetheart?" "I'd be dead now if it weren't for you." "Ah, no, love, you mustn't think like that." "No? You know the path I was headed down--causing trouble, getting banged up. If you hadn't turned my head around when you did, I would never have gotten out of Larkhall. Yvonne was the toughest, smartest con I knew, and Fenner still managed to to finish her off. If he'd had any luck at all I'd be dead now, like Yvonne." "Nikki..." Helen held her more closely until Nikki's sobs subsided. "Nikki, you saved my life, too. You saw the real me that no one else saw, that I couldn't even see myself. And you risked a lot to show me to myself." She kissed her and hugged her fiercely. "I don't know if you remember what I said to you just before I took Monica to her appeal..." "Helen, I remember nearly everything you said to me back then." Nikki's words were so matter-of-fact that it took a moment for the full meaning to sink in, and then Helen felt like she couldn't breathe. "I used to replay it over and over again in my head. I still do, sometimes." She looked at Helen's face and saw the wide-eyed, taken-aback look that Nikki loved so well and saw so rarely. She regarded Helen lovingly. "You said, 'Don't think that I condone what you did..., but I am grateful.'" Helen nodded. "So you think we saved each other." She nodded again. "Oh, yes." Nikki snuggled more closely and sighed. "That's all right, then." By the time spring rolled around again, their incessant discussions of Larkhall dwindled from daily, to weekly, and then to whenever a memory came up for either one of them. The high pitch of emotion surrounding the subject gradually subsided. Nikki even considered visiting the Julies, and only decided against it because of the very real possibility of running into Jim Fenner. He'd shown up in the visiting room when Helen had come to visit her, and she didn't want to take that chance. She also started volunteering at Monica's and Barbara's halfway houses. She went often enough to feel of use, but not so often that she ended up feeling like the "Head bloody Prefect," which happened far too easily when the residents were so obviously in awe of her. Once life had settled down again, Nikki slowly became aware that Helen was becoming increasingly preoccupied. Nikki would catch her staring off into space, or sitting with a book but not reading. As usual, Nikki figured out what Helen wanted before Helen even knew herself. One evening she said, "Helen, we need to talk." "Hmmm?" Helen looked up from her book. "I think we should get a dog." "What? Ah, no, they take too much work, and think of the damage it would do to your garden." "Don't you like dogs?" "Oh, I like them well enough when they belong to someone else. Why this sudden interest in gettin' a dog? Are you a dog fancier, then?" "No, but I've read that having a dog is a great way to learn what it's like to have a kid." She paused. "Or we could forget the dog and just go ahead and have the kid." "What, you're thinking you--" "Not me. I believe you once said, 'I wanted kids one day...'" Helen looked off into the distance. "I told you you could still have them." Nikki set a pile of brochures on the kitchen counter. "It's amazing how many fertility clinics there are, just in London alone." She set a small glass of creamy white liquid next to the brochures. "And you'll want to start drinking this stuff. Raw certified Jersey milk from a grass-fed dairy in Cornwall--extra high in Vitamins A and D. Great for the eyes and bone structure." Helen still didn't say anything, but she was looking bemusedly at Nikki now. Nikki delivered her final argument: "At the risk of sounding like a smart-arse, having a kid is a lot of work, and neither one of us is getting any younger." Helen suddenly grinned at her. "Oh, I don't need own a dog to know exactly what it's like to have a kid." She kissed her and picked up the glass. "Cheers, Nikki." |
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| mlbach | Sep 11 2010, 02:43 PM Post #2 |
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Keys for the handcuffs!
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Chapter 2 Helen slammed the album cover shut impatiently. "This is bollocks!" "You don't like any of them either?" Nikki asked, handing her a fresh glass of lemonade. "How can I tell? No photographs, and the descriptions are so vague I wouldn't recognize any of them if I met them on the street." "I think that's the point. They want the donors to be as anonymous as possible." Helen took a large swallow of her drink and glared at the glass. Nikki smiled slightly in sympathy, but made no other move. She knew that now that Helen was on this self-imposed alcohol-free regimen, she would stay on it if it killed her. Nikki positioned herself behind Helen's chair and touched her shoulder lightly. "Come 'ere." Helen leaned back with a sigh and Nikki massaged her neck and shoulders. "It's starting to feel like the whole bloody process is anonymous. And about as romantic as a bloody pelvic exam." Nikki snorted. Helen smiled in spite of herself. "You know what I mean." Nikki concentrated on a particularly tense knot in Helen's right deltoid muscle. "It doesn't have to be that way. I've known of plenty of women who used male friends as donors. Some even fore-go the turkey baster and go au natural." "What? No." Helen shook her head slightly. Nikki said with studied casualness, "What about that doctor at Larkhall--Thomas Waugh? You liked him. I seem to remember you saying, 'Thomas is gorgeous. He's everything you could want in a man.' " Nikki felt the sudden increase in tension throughout Helen's body. Aha, thought Nikki. "I assume that included being good father material. I also remember he had dark hair and brown eyes, like me. The two of you would make very pretty babies." "No, Nikki." Helen leaned forward away from Nikki's ministrations. Nikki knelt beside her chair. "Helen, I'm not the same jealous person I was in Larkhall. You know I'd do anything for you. But I can't give you a baby." Helen caressed her cheek, "Nikki..." "Look, there's plenty of historic precedent. Think of me as...a knight returning from the wars with a battle wound that made me sterile. To produce an heir I'd enlist my brother or my best friend or I'd turn a blind eye when you found a likely prospect." "Nikki," Helen murmured and gently kissed Nikki's eyelids. "I don't ever want you to have to turn a blind eye." "All right, I won't. Eyes wide open--I approve of you doing this. Call Thomas." "God, Nikki," Helen groaned. "Will you. Shut up." With hands and mouth she proceeded to chase any further thought of conversation from Nikki's mind. Nikki woke and when she found that Helen was no longer beside her she stretched lazily, smiling slightly. She became aware of the glow from the light in the other room. She rose quietly and padded softly to the doorway and saw Helen bending over the donor album. Tears filled Nikki's eyes as she watched that beloved face, its brow furrowed in concentration. Nikki silently turned and returned to their bed. Picking up the phone from its cradle, she called Directory Inquiries. When the connection was made, she said quietly, "I'd like the phone listing for Dr. Thomas Waugh, please." "Are you out of your mind?" Thomas's large brown eyes were wide in disbelief. Spaniel eyes, thought Nikki, not for the first time. A corner of her mouth twitched slightly. "Well, you should know. Madwomen were your specialty, as I remember." Thomas straightened abruptly. "I shouldn't have put it like that. It was very unprofessional of me. I apologize." Nikki considered him, her head cocked slightly. His obvious discomfiture was disarming and the fact that he apologized so readily was another point in his favor. She was beginning to understand Helen's attraction to this man. That made her task at once easier and harder. Old, familiar nigglings of jealousy began to stir and she focused on keeping her breathing even and calm. "But why me? Surely there are a million donors out there, and you don't even have to meet the person. You'd never have to worry about them getting involved with your life." "Helen liked you. I know she admired and respected you. She never forgot what you did for Pam Jolly and Shaz Wiley. And Femi." She paused, remembering that awful time. It was after the protest over Femi that Helen had broken up with her--for good, Nikki thought. And it was during that period of estrangement that Helen and Thomas had gotten involved. "I think she loved you a little." Nikki noticed the slight wince in Thomas's eyes and amended grudgingly, "No, that's not true. She loved you more than a little. She wouldn't have gotten involved with you, otherwise." Thomas shifted uncomfortably, seemed about to say something, then subsided. Finally he said, "That still doesn't explain why you want this. I could just, erm, give you the, um, and then the two of you..." his voice trailed off lamely, as his face turned a charming shade of pink. Nikki glanced down at her hands folded in her lap. It was strange to be discussing this at all, with anyone, but stranger still that she could be so matter-of-fact and a doctor be so flustered. It gave her the courage to forge ahead. "It may be that what you suggest is the only way she would accept it. But I know Helen, and I think the whole process is becoming distasteful to her. It's turning what should be an act of love into an impersonal medical procedure. No offense." Thomas made a dismissive gesture. "Oh. None taken." "It would be different if that were the only option. But it's not." Unaccountably tears began to prick her eyes and she blinked rapidly to dispel them. "I believe that beginnings are important--that there is power in them." She rose to her feet and began to pace. "We're talking about starting a new life--a new human being. I think there should be more to it than just co-mingling DNA." She stopped and looked at him. "Will you just say you'll consider it, Dr. Waugh?" Thomas looked at Nikki, and felt a slight jolt to his solar plexus when their eyes met. He now knew in the core of his being what he'd only sensed more than three years earlier, after learning that this woman was his rival for Helen's love: then or now, he didn't stand a chance. Would he have been able to do what Nikki was doing now--find a man Helen had once cared for to father a child he couldn't give her himself? He hoped he would have. He wasn't sure. His respect for Nikki went up yet another notch. He took a deep breath and blew the air out through pursed lips. "I think you should start calling me Thomas, don't you?" He pulled open a desk drawer, "Care for a drink?" |
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| Jane | Sep 11 2010, 11:28 PM Post #3 |
mad about helen
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a new story great and a bit different. if I were nikki I wouldn't let Dr Tom touch Helen with a barge pole! and certainly not with what I think she is sugesting : this will intregue I think, good start |
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| mlbach | Sep 12 2010, 07:27 AM Post #4 |
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Keys for the handcuffs!
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Thanks. Hope I can take you to where I'm going with this. Chapter 3 "I don't bloody believe this!" Helen caught the glance that passed between Nikki and Thomas, which only made her more furious. "The two of you conspiring behind my back...And you!" she rounded on Nikki, "Where do you get off contacting people from my past without consulting me first?" "You did it," replied Nikki blandly. "What?" Helen exclaimed, alarmed. "You called Barbara when I had that bad patch over Yvonne." "That's not the same. She wasn't a former lover." "You contacted a friend who you knew could help me. Like Thomas can help you." Helen rolled her eyes in disbelief, while Thomas looked like he'd much rather be somewhere else. "I think you're feeling a little ganged up on right now, " said Nikki. "Too bloody right!" "So, I can leave while the two of you discuss things..." "Oh, no! You stay here. Thomas and I are leaving." Helen glared at him, her eyes and voice like flint. "I believe you owe me dinner." Thomas looked startled, "What? Oh, right." Even before he had a chance to say anything, Helen had grabbed her bag and moved to the door, holding it open for him, then slamming it shut behind them, cutting Nikki's cheery, "Have fun, you two," in half. In the car Helen sat in agitated silence and finally burst out, "What did you tell her?" "About what?" "About us?" "There is no us." Helen made an angry gutteral sound that was like a roar. Thomas nearly swerved the car. "Did you tell her I called you? Did you tell her that you were the one who broke it off with me?" "Honestly, Helen, none of that even came up...Look, I won't say anything about any of it, if that's what you want." "Good. Don't." Gradually she began to calm down. Finally she said, "Look, Thomas--your offer to help with parenting, it's very generous, but I don't think it's a good idea." "You don't think it's a good idea for your child to have a committed father in its life?" "Christ! Did she talk to you about that, too?" "About what?" Helen didn't answer for a moment, then said somewhat bitterly, "Nikki thinks we've both been damaged by having distant, unsupportive fathers." "Well, that's hardly a new theory. Isn't that one reason a lot of women end up in prison? Oh." He glanced at her uneasily. "No. We didn't talk about that. Directly. I just said that I would like to stay involved. With the parenting. She seemed pleased." Helen looked out the side window. "Ah, Nikki," she said with an exasperated sigh. "She really loves you." She turned on him again, eyes blazing. Her voice was quiet, but her words were so vehement that Thomas flinched, "Oh. I know. Don't doubt for a single moment that I know exactly what I've got. Or that I'd do anything to protect it." Thomas didn't say anything and she turned to the window again. After a long moment she said, "Nikki is like a child, sometimes. I never would have guessed it, the first time I saw her. She was so...fierce, so articulate. But later, when she started...having feelings for me, and I couldn't respond to them, even when I started to have them, too...God, sometimes the look she'd have on her face after I'd given her a bollockin' for..." She shook her head slightly. "It would near break my heart, that look." She cleared her throat. "Shit. I don't know why I'm tellin' you any of this." "I've been told I'm a good listener." She looked at him and smiled slightly. "Yeah. You always were that." She sighed. "Look--I'll accept your offer for the one. But not the other. No way. All right?" He smiled at her, "All right." She sighed again, more deeply. "And the whole thing of you helping to raise the child--let's not make any firm decisions, and we'll see how it goes." "OK, Helen." "I saw Helen today." "Yeah?" Nikki said, glancing at Thomas. She had been surprised when he'd asked her to meet him. "She told me she tested negative. Again. I think she's getting discouraged." "Yeah, well...two months in a row..." "She's beginning to worry that there's something wrong with her." "Bloody hell!" exclaimed Nikki. "Well, it's a good thing she's seeing you instead of some quack who would put her on hormones and god knows what else!" "I think it's time to reconsider your original plan." Nikki leaned back and regarded Thomas. In the past five months he'd done every thing that was necessary, everything that was asked, and more. Three months of clean living and regular exercise had transformed him from the somewhat dissipated and stressed out man she'd visited at his office to the one she remembered from Larkhall. For the past two months, on each of Helen's fertile days during her cycle, he had arrived dutifully at their flat to provide the fresh ejaculate, and then left promptly so that Nikki and Helen could proceed with the turkey baster. Despite the candles, flowers, music and liberal amounts of foreplay, the actual procedure was devoid of romance and not that comfortable. Nikki could only imagine how sterile the act of acquiring the semen was, even though they had fixed up the spare room so Thomas didn't have to use the bathroom. He usually didn't take long, either, so Nikki assumed he closed his eyes and thought of Helen, just as Helen closed her eyes and thought of Nikki. Or did she? The thought crept into the back of Nikki's mind and she sternly told it to leave. I am not jealous. I will not be jealous. "Think she'd go for it this time around?" she asked, somewhat skeptically. "She might. Especially if you tell her a couple things." Nikki raised an eyebrow. "I once had a client--a woman--I'm not naming names--who worked for a warm-blood stud farm. High level dressage horses," he continued, in answer to Nikki's questioning look. "She was very knowledgeable about equine reproductive systems. Obsessive, really. Don't ask," he said when both of Nikki's eyebrows shot up. "Anyway, most of the breeding was done with AI, and they shipped the semen around the world. But apparently, with AI there's a significant failure rate. In those cases, very often, if the mare was healthy--as Helen is--they could get the mare in foal if they used live cover. That's--" "I can guess what it is." Nikki sipped her ale pensively. "Helen must know the statistics. She's been researching--" "And you need to tell her something else. You need to tell her that you'll be there when it happens." "You what?" Nikki set her mug down so abruptly that some of the ale sloshed onto the table. "Jesus! And you wondered if I was out of my mind!" She became peripherally aware that some of the other pub patrons were beginning to stare, and she hurriedly began to mop up the spilled liquid with her napkin. As she did so, Thomas did not speak, and when she looked at him he was regarding her with that damnable compassionate expression that she sometimes, such as now, found so irritating. "What?" "I think I know two things about you." "Yeah? What's that?" "First, judging from your reaction, you've never been to bed with a man. She mopped the spill even more furiously. "Oh, well, you're a bloody genius." "And second, you'll do this for Helen." Nikki sat back, fighting for composure. Thomas continued quietly, "Helen told me the moment she knew that you really loved her, that you weren't just a con with a crush on the Governor." She looked at him in alarm. "Christ--when did she tell you that?" "Over dinner that night. It'd been awhile since she'd had any alcohol in in her system, so the single glass of red wine I prescribed--purely for medicinal purposes--sort of opened the floodgates. Pretty much all she wanted to talk about was you." Nikki couldn't help herself. She asked, almost shyly, "What did she say?" "It was when you saved Monica Lindsay from overdosing on booze and pills. You put yourself at risk to protect Helen's career--even after she had told you there could be nothing between you." "I put Monica at risk, too," she said regretfully. "Your main concern was for Helen, and that over-rode everything else." "Yes." She looked down at the table. "She told me that what you had done reminded her of what Darcy did to save Elizabeth's family from scandal, even when he was convinced there was no hope that they could be together. I agreed." "What? She compared me to Darcy?" She made no effort to hide her dismay. "He was an arrogant prat!" Thomas smiled, "Only until he was transformed by his love for Elizabeth." Nikki scoffed in disbelief. "You're obviously not comfortable in the role of a romantic hero." Nikki rolled her eyes impatiently. "But it helped me to understand her fierce loyalty to you back then--why she resigned as No. 1 rather than risk your appeal." At Nikki's shocked expression, he asked, "You didn't know?" Nikki shook her head and whispered, "Not for sure. She never said." Her eyes welled with tears. "If it had been just her career at stake, she would have fought Jim bloody Fenner to the bitter end." "Oh, God." "Nikki, she wouldn't have regretted it for a moment. But whatever her feelings about becoming pregnant, she'll not jeopardize her relationship with you. She's convinced you'd be jealous if she and I went to bed together." "Unless I were there." "Yes." "And she would never ask me." "No." "Jesus Christ." She sighed in resignation. "You're right--I'll do it. Of course, I'll do it." She stared at the damp spot on the table. "Bloody hell." "What?" "I'm scared," she confessed. At his look, she gestured impatiently, "Not about that. Well, maybe a little. I mean the jealousy thing. If I were in a different room, I could control it. But being right there..." Thomas didn't say anything for a moment. Finally he said, "I think you're expecting too much from yourself. Don't beat yourself up for feeling jealous--it's what you do in response to those feelings that matters more." At Nikki's look of disbelief he said, "OK. I'm going into full psych mode now. Jealousy is mostly fear--fear of the loss of love. The person who has courage isn't the person who doesn't feel fear. In fact, that person is probably pathological. The courageous person feels the fear and still does what is needed." He looked her in the eye. "Which is what you'll do." After a moment Nikki nodded. "You're pretty good at this." "For a man?" "I didn't say that." "You didn't need to." They regarded each other quietly. After a moment Nikki said, "I think it would help with...everything if I had something to take the edge off. I'd rather it not be alcohol, mainly because Helen can't drink right now. And, frankly, I might need so much I'd end up passed out on the floor. No offense." "None taken." "I'm not much into pharmaceuticals, but if that's the only option...Maybe an E...I've been out of the loop since I got out. I don't know where to get anything, anymore. But you're a doctor..." She looked at him hopefully. Thomas leaned forward, his voice almost a whisper, "As it happens, I have a small supply of Spanish weed that I think would be good for all of us to have on the night in question." He paused. Nikki regarded him with surprise. "The only problem is, the one time I gave Helen a puff, she had a coughing fit." Shock and surprise fought with fond amusement on Nikki's face. Amusement won. She leaned forward. "As it happens, I have a friend whose late husband couldn't smoke it either, near the end. And she has a terrific brownie recipe." They leaned back in their chairs. Nikki motioned to the server for the check--she noted with approval that Thomas didn't try to grab it--and after she paid they headed for the door. Out in the car park, they said their goodbyes and headed for their respective cars. Nikki was about to open her car door when she heard Thomas say softly, "Nikki." She turned. "I don't know if it'll help in the jealousy department, but I had no more chance with Helen than George Wickham had with Elizabeth. After Darcy wrote his letter." "Thank you, Thomas" she said, surprised and touched. "But I'd never compare you to Wickham. You're a much better man than he was." Thomas smiled slightly in acknowledgment. Her mouth quirked. "Maybe Bingley." "Thank you!" "Huh?" she looked at him in surprise. Thomas smiled at her without irony. She said, repentantly, "That...was meant to be a joke. I always thought that Bingley was a bit dim." "Maybe. But he was Darcy's dearest friend." He nodded to her, then turned to head for his car. Nikki was uncomfortably aware that she'd just been beaten at her own game. She called after him, "I meant Caroline Bingley!" Thomas waved jauntily without turning back. "'Night, Nikki!" "Cheeky bastard," she muttered, grinning in spite of herself, then called out, "'Night, Thomas." |
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| ali baba | Sep 12 2010, 08:49 AM Post #5 |
G2 landing
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Thanks mlbach for this story. Definitely a different approach, but I like the way you handle it. Good start, I look forward to more.
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| Jane | Sep 12 2010, 01:55 PM Post #6 |
mad about helen
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oh I don't know about this Dr tom might be quotingJane Austen but I think he is more Dr Jekyl and mr Hyde than Wickham! be careful Nikki I think he has an ultermotive!
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| mlbach | Sep 12 2010, 02:26 PM Post #7 |
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Keys for the handcuffs!
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Thanks for both your comments. My next post may be awhile in coming. It'll be a tricky scene, and I want to get it right. |
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| Inamorata | Sep 12 2010, 09:38 PM Post #8 |
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Down the Block
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Wow is this different. It's like they're walking a minefield with the danger of a clinical approach blowing up in the faces.I can't imagine.... but I sure am looking forward to how it plays out. : ) |
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| mlbach | Sep 13 2010, 02:54 PM Post #9 |
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Keys for the handcuffs!
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My mistake--it's the scene after this one that's the tricky one. Chapter 4 "I said no!" "But why, Helen?" Helen's face was like stone. "Is there something you're not telling me?" "Will you just leave off? Oh, I wish to god I'd never agreed to any of this!" She stalked out of the bedroom. Nikki followed behind. "Was he a lousy lover?" "No." "Was he selfish? Only cared about his own orgasms?" Helen heaved a sigh. "No. He was a generous lover. Making love with him was...very pleasant." Nikki grinned. "Well, that's good, right? Way better than Mr. Turkey Baster." "I am not doing it" "But I'll be there." "I'm not letting you do it." "Well, he won't be shagging me ." Helen merely glared stubbornly. "OK, There's definitely something you're not telling me." She looked at Helen intently. After a moment Helen's features quivered slightly. Nikki became concerned. "What is it, darling?" At the tender tone in Nikki's voice, Helen broke down. Nikki put an arm around her, confused and slightly alarmed, "What? What is it?" "Oh, Nikki! I've been letting you believe a lie. I didn't break up with Thomas. He broke it off." "Oh." She waited another moment but when Helen didn't say anything further, she said, slightly puzzled, "Is that all?" "What? You knew?" Helen stepped out of Nikki's embrace. "He promised he wouldn't say...! I'll kill him!" "He didn't say he broke it off, but he did tell me you resigned to safeguard my appeal." She nodded to herself, "It all makes perfect sense." "He had no right to tell you that!" "Yeah? Well, some might say you had no right to keep it from me." They glared at each other for a moment until Helen's face crumpled again. "I didn't want to make you feel obligated to--do something like this." "Sounds like there's plenty of self-sacrifice to go around. Dr. Waugh discovers you have feelings for someone else, and nobly takes himself off. Damn--it's just the sort of thing that I would do. Did do. Shit." "Nikki..." Helen said miserably. A look of dawning realization broke over Nikki's face "You asked him to stay, didn't you?" Helen nodded dumbly. "And he still left. Sean the Prawn would never have done that. Huh. The more I learn about the man, the more I respect him. The bastard." Nikki's words were so incongruous that Helen half laughed. They were in the TV room now. Nikki sat on the divan and gently pulled Helen down beside her. "Helen, if you don't take this chance, I know you'll regret it someday." Helen stayed silent, stroking Nikki's hand absently. "Look, during our time at Larkhall, we rescued each other, but you did a lot more of the rescuing than I did. And that's not counting the times you've come to my rescue since I've been out." "Nikki, this isn't a bloody competition." "You're worried I'll be upset when I see the two of you together--is that it? I am an adult, Helen. I may never have been with a man, but I have a pretty good idea the sorts of things that go on. I do read a lot, you know. And the past few months I've been watching Discovery Channel and Animal Planet. And there were a couple other channels that I watched a few times..." A corner of her mouth quirked, "Though, personally, I think Discovery Channel has better production values..." "Oh, will you be serious?" She started to rise and Nikki caught her hand gently. "Please, Helen." Helen looked down at her and Nikki used the words that she knew gave her an unfair advantage over Helen's objections, but she said them anyway: "Let me be your hero, just once more." Helen sighed in defeat, her words almost a whisper, "Oh, Nicola...!" |
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| Jane22 | Sep 13 2010, 07:27 PM Post #10 |
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G2 landing
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Wondering how this is going to go down. Looking forward to more! |
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| mlbach | Sep 15 2010, 04:50 PM Post #11 |
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Keys for the handcuffs!
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OK. Here goes. Chapter 5 Nikki finished setting up the final salt lamp in the last room in the flat. On, they would provide a glow of light similar to candlelight, without the fire hazard. She sniffed the air with appreciation, smelling the baking chocolate. She gathered up the empty lamp packaging and headed to the kitchen. At the sink, Barbara was finishing washing up most of the dishes, and smiled when she saw Nikki. “I’ve just taken them out of the oven. Once they’ve had a chance to cool, I’ll cut them into single dose-sized pieces.” “Thanks Barbara, you’ve really been a brick. I think you missed your calling as an apothecary.” Barbara chuckled. She glanced sidelong at Nikki. “Nikki, dear, I don’t mean to pry, but, should I be...wishing you a good time tonight?” Nikki grinned ruefully. Barbara had the right to ask since Nikki had let it slip that the recipe needed to be large enough for three people. “Nikki Wade--in all the time I’ve known you, I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you blush.” Nikki bit her lower lip, “I’m not expecting to have a good time. But you can wish us luck.” She looked at Barbara and smiled tentatively. Barbara considered for a moment, then said, “They say it takes a village to raise a child. Maybe sometimes it takes a village to start one, too.” She embraced her, "The very best of luck, Nikki." Nikki came back into the bedroom from using the loo, and paused in the doorway when she heard noises coming from the bed. She had to give Thomas credit—the man had stamina. This was the second?—third?—third time they were at it. Nikki smiled fondly, watching them. Helen was voracious when she was at the peak of her cycle, a fact that Nikki had exploited shamelessly in the past, even suggesting to Helen that she take those days off work so they could enjoy that time together. And since living together caused their cycles to synchronize—well, that was an added bonus. It was strange that she felt no jealousy watching them, just a mild interest in the proceedings, almost as if she were watching the telly, but this was way better than the sad porno channels she watched those few times: nicer lighting, better sets, much better music. The action was pretty tame in comparison, though--what they would call vanilla sex. Nikki briefly wondered if there were any of those tasty vanilla wafers left…she blinked and brought herself back into focus. That final half of a brownie may have been a mistake. Thomas arched his back suddenly with a muffled cry, then sank, exhausted, partway on top of Helen, with one arm and one leg draped across her. Nikki paused a moment to make sure he wasn’t going to move again, then came towards the bed. “Helen…” Helen started suddenly, then looked at Nikki with mild exasperation. “Oh, sorry, I can go…” “No! Please, stay here.” She looked down at Thomas as she held his torso lightly, and made a tsking noise with her tongue against her teeth. “I think I’ve wrung him dry.” “Yeah, poor sod. Rode hard and put up wet.” “What?” “Joke.” She noticed Helen’s poorly concealed restlessness, and guessed at the cause. “He didn’t get you there that time, did he?” “Ah, no. He did try, but...we’ve had other objectives tonight…” she said with an air of mild regret. Nikki leaned towards the head of the bed and grabbed one of the full-length bolsters, while Helen watched. “What're you doin’?” Nikki held one end of the bolster and slowly stroked it along Helen’s neck, under her free arm, along her chest. She started losing focus again and her motions became slower and more deliberate until Helen’s hissed exclamation of “Nikki…!” brought her to again. “Sorry. I’m making a Helen-scented pillow so he’ll have something to hug. Don’t want him to feel completely bereft.” She placed the moistened fabric near his face, then gently lifted his arm and placed that on the bolster. Then she aligned the rest of the bolster along the length of his body, tucking the lower part next to his groin and under his thigh, as Helen slid out from underneath him. Nikki then placed a small pillow under his head and threw a light blanket over him. “Bereft—that’s a sad word.” “Nikki, come on.” “Don’t you want to make love?” “Yeah, but not here.” “Oh, yeah. That might make him feel bereft, too.” “God, Nikki, how many of those things did you eat?” “Just two and a half.” “Just…!” “Two before we started, and then another half awhile later when I started feeling…bereft.” Helen put her hands on either side of Nikki’s face and looked at her intently. Nikki smiled at her. “God, you’re gorgeous.” “Are you feeling all right?” “Oh, yeah. I’m really relaxed right now. I was nervous before, but now I’m…really relaxed.” “OK,” said Helen, uncertainly. Nikki smiled at her again. “I want to make love to you all night long.” Helen came to a decision and took her hand. “So do I,” she said and guided her into the living room, to the couch where they had made love the very first time. Nikki grinned when she saw where she was being taken. She lay back on the couch and smiled at Helen expectantly. Helen made a tiny sound in the back of her throat—a cross between a moan and a whimper--suddenly so overcome with desire she could hardly breathe, as if she hadn’t had any love in weeks, instead of being at it almost constantly for the past two hours. At the sound, Nikki’s eyes widened in anticipation. Helen straddled her, and breathed, “I want you!” Nikki almost gasped when she heard the words that never failed to turn her insides to jelly, and let Helen overmaster her. This was Helen at her most fundamental core, the Helen that no man had ever seen, that no man would ever see. She might be with men, might enjoy having sex with them, but none would ever move to this, would ever touch her emotions this deeply. Nikki marveled that she had ever worried she might lose her to any man, and remembered the words Helen had said to her on the sidewalk outside of Chix—“I want a woman.” Nikki’s last semi-coherent thought, before she gave herself up to the physical sensations washing over her, was, Poor Thomas! You don't know what you're missing! |
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| mlbach | Sep 15 2010, 08:04 PM Post #12 |
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Keys for the handcuffs!
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Chapter 6 Helen came home from work to find Nikki sitting on the edge of the bed, staring pensively at a pregnancy test. “Did you dig that out of the trash?” She rubbed Nikki’s neck fondly and joked, “I didn’t figure you were that sentimental.” She proceeded to take off her work clothes, sighing in relief as she did so. After a few moments she became aware that Nikki hadn’t answered her. She turned to look at her and met Nikki’s gaze. She frowned slightly, “What’s the matter?” “This isn’t your test, Helen.” “What d'you mean?” “It’s mine.” “Nikki! What the fff__!” “Aptly put.” “Nikki, did Thomas--?” Before Helen could launch into full mother tiger mode, Nikki said calmly, “Thomas didn’t make me pregnant, Helen. You did.” “What?!” “When you finally got around to finger-shagging me that night, I was…a little dry…” Helen’s face reddened with embarrassment. “…And so, you…did what you always do…” Helen gasped in horror. “Oh, God, Nikki! I didn’t think!” “Neither did I…Actually, I was incapable of thought at that moment…” Helen sat down abruptly next to Nikki, her face full of remorse. “Oh, Nikki! I’m that sorry!” After considering for a moment, Nikki said, “I’m not sure I am—sorry. I never planned on having kids. Bearing them, I mean. I knew I’d never get pregnant in the usual way, and you know how I am about most medical procedures. But now that I’m actually pregnant, I’m…kinda happy about it.” She grinned wryly, “And when those mommy hormones kick in, I’m sure I’ll be bloody ecstatic.” She reached out her arm and hugged Helen around the shoulders. “Helen! You’re going to be a daddy! A mommy and a daddy!” She nuzzled her cheek against Helen’s shoulder. “Maybe you’ll have a boy and I’ll have a girl so we’ll have one of each!” Helen stared at the small rug next to the bed. “Christ, Nikki! What‘ll we say to Thomas?” |
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| hnindc | Sep 15 2010, 11:45 PM Post #13 |
Down the Block
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Now that was a surprise! I didn't see that coming...cough, cough. Great story. Thanks. |
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| mlbach | Sep 16 2010, 12:48 AM Post #14 |
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Keys for the handcuffs!
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Heh heh. Glad you like it. More to come--probably in a couple days. |
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| Jane | Sep 16 2010, 07:58 AM Post #15 |
mad about helen
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well this is certainly very different, nikki pregnant with dr tom and Helen too! thank goodness I don't think I could stand the thought of him touching Helen again.
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oh I don't know about this Dr tom might be quoting


8:47 AM Jul 11