| The Junk Drawer v2.0; Caution: Not suitable for ANYONE | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 27 2011, 08:24 AM (954 Views) | |
| aardvark spleen | Aug 18 2011, 04:57 PM Post #21 |
aaaaaasphinctersayswhat?
|
Random thoughts stolen from the interwebs: had to repost these: - I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. -More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me. -Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. -I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter? -Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk. -That's enough, Nickelback. -I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. -Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with? -Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft. -There is a great need for sarcasm font. -Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it. -I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it. -How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? -I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. - I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. -The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text. - A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it. - LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say". - I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. - Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying. - Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart". - How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said? - I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers! - Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies" -What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other? - While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and i nstinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart. - MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. - Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. - I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water. -Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. -I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. - Bad decisions make good stories -Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do! - Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year? -If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible. -Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem.... -You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day. -Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection. -There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. -I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. - "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever. -I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?' -I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? - I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. -When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking. -I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes. -Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles... - As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. -Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. -It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood. -I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. -Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it. -Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time... -My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that? -It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text. -I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit. -I think the freezer deserves a light as well. -I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay. |
 |
 
|
| aardvark spleen | Aug 21 2011, 01:31 AM Post #22 |
|
aaaaaasphinctersayswhat?
|
Cass, do a J before reading. Mind = Blown. Disclaimer and first fact: I have personally verified the credibility of everything below If you put a piece of paper on a table and then made a dot on it with the tip of a pencil that you could easily conceptualize the size of our galaxy. He went on to say that we should imagine the dot on the paper is the sun and that the ENTIRE UNITED STATES is the size of our galaxy. John Tyler, 10th president of the U.S., born 1790, has 2 currently living grandsons. Aldous Huxley was George Orwell's high school French teacher. A neutron star (what remains after a Super Nova) is so dense that a portion of it the size of a sugar cube would weigh as much as all of humanity, or more than all the cars in the United States. All the helium on earth when it formed has been lost to space. What we have today is all the result of the radioactive alpha decay. The summit of Mount Everest is approximately 5 miles above sea level and the Mariana Trench (which is the deepest point in earth's crust) is approximately 6 miles below sea level. Hence, the entire surface of the earth has a vertical range of about 11 miles (less than the length of Manhattan). This might seem a large span of altitude, but in fact, the earth is so smooth that, if it was actually shrunk to the size of a globe, you could run your fingers over its surface and would not be able to distinguish between mountains, valleys, and oceans because the ridges of your fingerprints would exceed their surface variance. If a billiard ball was expanded to the size of the earth the imperfections would be higher than Everest and deeper than the Mariana Trench. If a billiard ball was expanded to the size of the earth, the atmosphere would be as thick as the condensation on the ball if you were to breathe on it. Number of bridges that cross the Amazon: Zero. There's enough water in Lake Superior to cover all of North and South America with one foot of water. The pyramids were as old to the ancient Romans as the Collosseum is to us. Armadillos always give birth to quadruplets. Butterflies don’t pee. They drink enough liquid for subsistence. Any extra is emitted as a pure water mist from their abdomens. Another Butterfly fact: When a caterpillar goes into it's cocoon, it releases enzymes that break down it's entire body into a gooey substance. All of it, including it's vital organs are dissolved. The butterfly is then built from this substance. A mantis shrimp can punch at a speed of 50 mph, despite being underwater. It can crack through 4 inches of glass. Magnetar, essentially a giant iron ball in space that has magnetic forces so strong that the surface ripples. They're only about 10-20 miles in diameter but they have more mass than the sun. Pirates often used eye patches to quickly adjust going from top deck during the day to below deck since there wasn't much, if any, lighting below deck. By the time you notice a smell, your brain has already been activated by the small a half second earlier: a lag that is much longer than for any of your other senses. A strawberry is not actually a berry, but a banana is. If the female clownfish is removed from its group, such as by death, one of the largest and most dominant males will become a female. Only 2% of the cones in your eyes see blue. This is why blue neon signs are blurry. St. John's, Halifax is closer to London, England than to Vancouver. Crocodiles have no finite lifespan that we know of. Disease is what usually gets them. On a log scale, a piece of floating dust is halfway between the size of the earth and a proton. There is a star over a billion times larger than our sun. The number of possible ways to arrange a 52 card deck is about the number of atoms in the galaxy. As a corollary, a good shuffle will result in a deck configuration that has never ever existed before. The 850 billion dollar bank bailout is greater than the entire 50 year running budget of NASA Pistachio nuts can spontaneously combust Measured from base to summit, Mauna Kea in Hawaii is the tallest mountain on Earth, 1350 meters taller than Mt. Everest. As an oblate spheroid, Earth is widest at its equator. Chimborazo is just one degree south of Earth's equator and at that location it is 6,384 kilometers from Earth's center or about 2 kilometers farther from Earth's center than Mount Everest. You are more likely to die in the next 30 minutes than to win the Lottery Charlie Chaplin himself participated to a Charlie Chaplin look-a-like contest and lost. A single sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. That means that a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1,587.5TB In almost all cases when an object gets colder it gets denser, but not when water turns to ice. Ice forms a crystal lattice that is less dense than water which is why ice floats. If this didn't happen we would not be here. When colder temperatures came in during winter since the top most layer of bodies of water is exposed to the colder temperatures it freezes first, and then insulates the bottom. if ice sank instead of floating the entire lake would freeze instead of just the top layer, and all the fish + plants that live in the lakes would die. Ice floating is critical to most ecosystems of the earth. Ohio is the only US state whose name contains no letters found in the word 'mackerel'. In Dutch, "Vader" means father. There are more slaves today than any other time in history. Most people have an above average number of limbs. |
|
|
|
| Poguemahone365 | Aug 21 2011, 03:23 AM Post #23 |
Dirty Irish Pervert, Ohhhh yyyyeeeeahhhhh!
|
Well holy shit. |
|
|
|
| aardvark spleen | Aug 22 2011, 09:13 AM Post #24 |
|
aaaaaasphinctersayswhat?
|
   
Edited by aardvark spleen, Aug 22 2011, 09:19 AM.
|
|
|
|
| Fog Dweller | Aug 22 2011, 10:21 AM Post #25 |
Official RiB morale booster oh and NOOOOOOOOOOOO
|
|
|
|
|
| aardvark spleen | Aug 24 2011, 10:13 PM Post #26 |
|
aaaaaasphinctersayswhat?
|
     
|
|
|
|
| Fog Dweller | Aug 26 2011, 09:46 AM Post #27 |
|
Official RiB morale booster oh and NOOOOOOOOOOOO
|
Dude, that was a good read!!!! Took me like 10 minutes... lolololol Do a J..... BAHHHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA That I did James, that I did. |
|
|
|
| aardvark spleen | Aug 30 2011, 12:18 AM Post #28 |
|
aaaaaasphinctersayswhat?
|
|
|
|
|
| aardvark spleen | Aug 31 2011, 10:17 PM Post #29 |
|
aaaaaasphinctersayswhat?
|
http://www.iamhelenkeller.com/ |
|
|
|
| aardvark spleen | Sep 8 2011, 08:57 AM Post #30 |
|
aaaaaasphinctersayswhat?
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
 ZetaBoards gives you all the tools to create a successful discussion community. Learn More · Register for Free |
|
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · Off Topic · Next Topic » |
11:42 AM Jul 13