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10 commandments for guitar players
Topic Started: Jan 12 2012, 11:33 PM (146 Views)
rumbaba
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Who could doubt that the Captain was a genius? RUMBABA


Captain Beefheart's 10 Commandments of Guitar Playing

1. Listen to the birds.
That's where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren't going anywhere.

2. Your guitar is not really a guitar Your guitar is a divining rod.
Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one.

3. Practice in front of a bush
Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush dosen't shake, eat another piece of bread.

4. Walk with the devil
Old Delta blues players referred to guitar amplifiers as the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you're bringing over from the other side. Electricity attracts devils and demons. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.

5. If you're guilty of thinking, you're out
If your brain is part of the process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.

6. Never point your guitar at anyone
Your instrument has more clout than lightning. Just hit a big chord then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.

7. Always carry a church key
That's your key-man clause. Like One String Sam. He's one. He was a Detroit street musician who played in the fifties on a homemade instrument. His song "I Need a Hundred Dollars" is warm pie. Another key to the church is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin' Wolf's guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty-making you want to look up her dress the whole time to see how he's doing it.

8. Don't wipe the sweat off your instrument
You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.

9. Keep your guitar in a dark place
When you're not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don't play your guitar for more than a day, be sure you put a saucer of water in with it.

10. You gotta have a hood for your engine
Keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house, the hot air can't escape. Even a lima bean has to have a piece of wet paper around it to make it grow.



Edited by rumbaba, Jan 12 2012, 11:34 PM.
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chris crossing
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Aye, Captain!

11. On the wolf-howling night of the full fat moon, hit that long lunar note and let it float...

Cheers, rum
<magic>
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rumbaba
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I always practice in front of a bush <ninja> RUMBABA
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May-Cee

This reminds me of Kurt Vonnegut's equally eccentric Rules Of Writing.

"Never use a semi-colon", he advised; though, as you might have noticed, I'm very fond of 'em.
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Aware-Adult


Rules of guitar playing - pah! The only thing worth using is to “learn your instrument - and then forget it, and just play the music”. <violin>

Why exclude the semi-colon? It is a useful technique for continuing on a point; which can be expanded upon, or equally, moving onto a separate but related point.

I enjoyed John Humphrey’s irritation at dumbing-down punctuation on those apostrophes. It’s simple enough to learn. So learn it; and then forget it and just communicate.

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chris crossing
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rum
 
I always practice in front of a bush

Good man - nice work if you can get it!

Reminds me of this (ah, the late 70s...):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNR3xqrWjgA
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