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Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 09:07 AM (34,810 Views)
caissier
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waiting4atickle

Yesterday, 10:44 PM IP: 86.28.198.150 ยท Post #3467








Posts:6,484Group:MembersMember#12Joined:Jul 11, 2011



There was an old hero called Ajax
who certainly lived life to the max
His fighting was mythic
His muscles terrythic
From the years he'd spent building haystacks.


Now they're gunning for poor old Brock


Edited by caissier, Sep 18 2012, 09:08 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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Now they're gunning for poor old Brock
His life isn't worth an old sock
........................
..........................
.......................................................
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tafkaj

Now they're gunning for poor old Brock -
His life isn't worth an old sock;
........................
But damn you, Brian May,
.......................................................
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dai Cottomy
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Now they're gunning for poor old Brock -
His life isn't worth an old sock;
He infects cows, they say
But damn you, Brian May,
.......................................................
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dai Cottomy
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Now they're gunning for poor old Brock -
His life isn't worth an old sock;
He infects cows, they say
But damn you, Brian May,
You're wearing my second best frock


Mr. Toad was a lively old fellow
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waiting4atickle
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Mr. Toad was a lively old fellow
And played a mean tune on his cello

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Mobson
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Mr. Toad was a lively old fellow
And played a mean tune on his cello
he puffed up with pride
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dai Cottomy
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Mr. Toad was a lively old fellow
And played a mean tune on his cello
he puffed up with pride
When he went for a ride
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Caro

Mr. Toad was a lively old fellow
And played a mean tune on his cello
he puffed up with pride
When he went for a ride
And let out a great boastful bellow.


But pride comes before a great fall
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Norm Deplume
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But pride comes before a great fall
And fall he did, off a high wall
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Mobson
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But pride comes before a great fall
And fall he did, off a high wall
His body all broken
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Norm Deplume
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But pride comes before a great fall
And fall he did, off a high wall
His body all broken
but he's got his gift token
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Mobson
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But pride comes before a great fall
And fall he did, off a high wall
His body all broken
but he's got his gift token
to help redecorate Toad Hall!


************************

Once again he's a lively old fellow
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Caro

Once again he's a lively old fellow
And for a while his friends feel all mellow
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Mobson
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Once again he's a lively old fellow
And for a while his friends feel all mellow
but Toad is distressed
Edited by Mobson, Sep 21 2012, 08:47 AM.
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waiting4atickle
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Once again he's a lively old fellow
And for a while his friends feel all mellow
but Toad is distressed
As is easily guessed

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Caro

Once again he's a lively old fellow
And for a while his friends feel all mellow
but Toad is distressed
The weasels make jest
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tafkaj

Once again he's a lively old fellow,
And for a while his friends feel all mellow;
But Toad is distressed,
The weasels make jest
Of his belly that wobbles like jello.

******************************************

Andrew Mitchell's an important man
-----------------------------------------
------------------------------
------------------------------
-----------------------------------------
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dai Cottomy
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Andrew Mitchell's an important man
Although I can't say that I'm a fan
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Caro

Andrew Mitchell's an important man
Although I can't say that I'm a fan
He let loose with his tongue




[My sympathies here are with Mr Mitchell (who I hadn't heard of before this fracas) - most irritating to be forbidden to do something you've done lots of times before, by what often seem to be jumped-up officials using their authority. Not the best timing, though.]
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Mobson
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Had two incidents yesterday with my train pass and my bus pass! Both times was told I could not use them on their transport! Bollocks is what I should have said....Balderdash is what I actually said! ....(love Rumpold for that!)


Andrew Mitchell's an important man
Although I can't say that I'm a fan
He let loose with his tongue
He's sure to be hung
Edited by Mobson, Sep 22 2012, 09:35 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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Andrew Mitchell's an important man
Although I can't say that I'm a fan
He let loose with his tongue
He's sure to be hung
Or at least get a bicycle ban


By nature MP's are obtuse
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waiting4atickle
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By nature MP's are obtuse
So voters all say "What's the use?"

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Norm Deplume
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By nature MP's are obtuse
So voters all say "What's the use?"
We voted in hope
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waiting4atickle
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By nature MP's are obtuse
So voters all say "What's the use?"
We voted in hope
That it wasn't soft soap

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Caro

By nature MP's are obtuse
So voters all say "What's the use?"
We voted in hope
That it wasn't soft soap
Or worse still, a load of abuse.


We had fish 'n' chips for our tea


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Norm Deplume
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We had fish 'n' chips for our tea
Yes please, salt 'n vinegar for me
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waiting4atickle
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We had fish 'n' chips for our tea
Yes please, salt 'n vinegar for me
Don't forget mushy peas

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Mobson
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We had fish 'n' chips for our tea
Yes please, salt 'n vinegar for me
Don't forget mushy peas
They're sure to please
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Caro

We had fish 'n' chips for our tea
Yes please, salt 'n vinegar for me
Don't forget mushy peas
They're sure to please
But not available here in NZ. [pronounced with a US 'z' which no one ever does]
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waiting4atickle
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There seems to be something missing

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dai Cottomy
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There seems to be something missing
Caro's busily reminiscing
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Norm Deplume
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There seems to be something missing
Caro's busily reminiscing
About zeezes and zeds
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waiting4atickle
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There seems to be something missing
Caro's busily reminiscing
About zeezes and zeds
And big feather beds

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Norm Deplume
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There seems to be something missing
Caro's busily reminiscing
About zeezes and zeds
And big feather beds
LOOK OUT! There's a snake and it's hissing..... <yikes>




A call to my wife made it clear
Edited by Norm Deplume, Sep 25 2012, 02:05 PM.
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tafkaj

Now they're gunning for poor old Brock
And Brian May's now taking stock
Edited by tafkaj, Sep 25 2012, 02:29 PM.
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Mobson
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A call to my wife made it clear
Things will be different next year
Edited by Mobson, Sep 25 2012, 06:14 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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You're doing a 'Norm' Taf! (#36)
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Caro

A call to my wife made it clear
Things will be different next year
No drinking all day
Edited by Caro, Sep 25 2012, 11:38 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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A call to my wife made it clear
Things will be different next year
No drinking all day
All work and no play
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madfor4

A
Edited by madfor4, Sep 26 2012, 10:29 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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A call to my wife made it clear
Things will be different next year
No drinking all day
All work and no play
She's making me pay very dear!




A kilted young man from Argyle
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waiting4atickle
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A kilted young man from Argyle
Had a knack for raising a smile

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Mobson
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A kilted young man from Argyle
Had a knack for raising a smile
By raising his kilt
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waiting4atickle
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A kilted young man from Argyle
Had a knack for raising a smile
By raising his kilt
Which he used to the hilt

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Mobson
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A kilted young man from Argyle
Had a knack for raising a smile
By raising his kilt
Which he used to the hilt
his beam shone a quart of a mile!
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Mobson
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The girls came from Perth and Kirkcaldy >>>pronounced.... http://www.scottish-places.info/sounds/s143.wav
Edited by Mobson, Sep 27 2012, 08:13 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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The girls came from Perth and Kirkcaldy
The were cheap, common and bawdy
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dai Cottomy
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The girls came from Perth and Kirkcaldy
They were cheap, common and bawdy
But they had hearts of gold
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dai Cottomy
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<star>
Edited by dai Cottomy, Sep 27 2012, 09:40 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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The girls came from Perth and Kirkcaldy
They were cheap, common and bawdy
But they had hearts of gold
And were swiftly paroled

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Caro

The girls came from Perth and Kirkcaldy
They were cheap, common and bawdy
But they had hearts of gold
And were swiftly paroled
To enjoy a bold life with Geordie.


In Britain they say Worchestershire is Wooster [and even Wooster isn't pronounced like booster or rooster]
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Norm Deplume
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Caro,
The corect spelling is Worcester and Worcestershire with the 'o' pronounced as in woman


English is a funny old lingo!

Ghoti = Fish
.......gh as in cough
.......o as in women
.......ti as in motion
George Bernard Shaw
Edited by Norm Deplume, Sep 28 2012, 10:53 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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In Britain they say Worcester is Wooster
A crackin' town, even a Buster...North of England pronunciation
Edited by Norm Deplume, Sep 28 2012, 10:54 AM.
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waiting4atickle
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In Britain they say Worcester is Wooster
A crackin' town, even a Buster...North of England pronunciation
But natives of Derby

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dai Cottomy
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In Britain they say Worcester is Wooster
A crackin' town, even a Buster...North of England pronunciation
But natives of Derby
Whence came Bob Larbey (he came from Clapham actually)
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tafkaj

In Britain they say Worcester is Wooster,
A crackin' town, even a Buster;
But natives of Derby,
Whence came Bob Larbey,
Can't buy books from Simon & Schuster.

*******************************************

'And You & I', a song by Yes,
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dai Cottomy
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'And You & I', a song by Yes,
Affects me in ways I can't express
--------------------
--------------------
----------------------------
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Caro

'And You & I', a song by Yes,
Affects me in ways I can't express
Nor me: I don't know it [which is a shame by the few moments I heard on youtube, but it's a bit long for my attention span]
--------------------
----------------------------

(My Lea and Perrins bottle calls it Worcestershire sauce and that is pronounced Wooster, so the longer word could have left in, with the 'h' taken out.)
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Norm Deplume
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'And You & I', a song by Yes,
Affects me in ways I can't express
Nor me: I don't know it [which is a shame by the few moments I heard on youtube, but it's a bit long for my attention span]
--------------------
Not to my taste, must confess
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dai Cottomy
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'And You & I', a song by Yes,
Affects me in ways I can't express
Nor me: I don't know it
You can't whistle to it
Not to my taste, I must confess


Pop music ain't what it used to be
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Norm Deplume
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Pop music ain't what it used to be
Most is in the single chord of 'C'
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waiting4atickle
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Pop music ain't what it used to be
Most is in the single chord of 'C'
And as for limericks

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dai Cottomy
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Pop music ain't what it used to be
Most is in the single chord of 'C'
And as for limericks
Better than some lyrics

Edited by dai Cottomy, Oct 1 2012, 11:15 AM.
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Caro

Pop music ain't what it used to be
Most is in the single chord of 'C'
And as for limericks
Better than some lyrics
But not for the rhythm; that's twee.


The dinner tonight was smoked fish


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dai Cottomy
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The dinner tonight was smoked fish
Served up in a Clarice Cliff dish


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waiting4atickle
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The dinner tonight was smoked fish
Served up in a Clarice Cliff dish
Then we smoked a cigar

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dai Cottomy
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The dinner tonight was smoked fish
Served up in a Clarice Cliff dish
Then we smoked a cigar
Propped up at the bar

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Norm Deplume
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The dinner tonight was smoked fish
Served up in a Clarice Cliff dish
Then we smoked a cigar
Propped up at the bar
For what else could a poor man wish?



The silence was getting me down
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waiting4atickle
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The silence was getting me down
So I went for a pint at The Crown

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Mobson
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The silence was getting me down
So I went for a pint at The Crown
The noise was sublime
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waiting4atickle
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The silence was getting me down
So I went for a pint at The Crown
The noise was sublime
But when they called "Time"

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Caro

The silence was getting me down
So I went for a pint at The Crown
The noise was sublime
But when they called "Time"
I headed quick fast into town.


And there the bars open all night
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Norm Deplume
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And there the bars open all night
.............................................
................
.............
That's plenty of time to get 'tight'
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dai Cottomy
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And there the bars open all night
About midnight's the time for a fight
................
.............
That's plenty of time to get 'tight'
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Norm Deplume
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And there the bars open all night
About midnight's the time for a fight
Around half past two
.............
That's plenty of time to get 'tight'
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Norm Deplume
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And there the bars open all night
About midnight's the time for a fight
Around half past two
They put on a fresh brew...
So that's plenty of time to get 'tight'



It's Autumn with the nights drawing in
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dai Cottomy
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It's Autumn with the nights drawing in
I'll spend most of the time pouring gin
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waiting4atickle
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It's Autumn with the nights drawing in
I'll spend most of the time pouring gin.
If we run out of tonic

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Caro

It's Autumn with the nights drawing in
I'll spend most of the time pouring gin.
If we run out of tonic
I'll just start on Kronic [synthetic cannaboid, don't know if this is a universal name]
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dai Cottomy
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It's Autumn with the nights drawing in
I'll spend most of the time pouring gin.
If we run out of tonic
I'll just start on Kronic [synthetic cannaboid, don't know if this is a universal name]
And end up in the loony bin


Needless to say, I'm just jesting
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Caro

Needless to say, I'm just jesting
And your sense of outrage I'm testing
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waiting4atickle
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Needless to say, I'm just jesting
And your sense of outrage I'm testing
If you think I'm too rude

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dai Cottomy
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Needless to say, I'm just jesting
And your sense of outrage I'm testing
If you think I'm too rude
You're just an old prude

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waiting4atickle
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Needless to say, I'm just jesting
And your sense of outrage I'm testing
If you think I'm too rude
You're just an old prude
Or you've misconstrued what I'm suggesting.


Some folk get the wrong end of the stick

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dai Cottomy
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Some folk get the wrong end of the stick
When they think someone's taking the mick

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waiting4atickle
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Some folk get the wrong end of the stick
When they think someone's taking the mick
As if anyone would
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Rikiiboy
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Some folk get the wrong end of the stick
When they think someone's taking the mick
As if anyone would
Behave and be good
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dai Cottomy
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Some folk get the wrong end of the stick
When they think someone's taking the mick
As if anyone would
Behave and be good
Or you're bound to get hit with a brick.

A chap in the Bible called Jonah


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Mobson
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A chap in the Bible called Jonah
made no mention of his enormous boner .... ... it is after the watershed! ;)

Edited by Mobson, Oct 8 2012, 11:20 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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A chap in the Bible called Jonah
Perhaps liable to the odd boner


You should be ashamed of yourself, Mobs - that doesn't scan!

A chap in the Bible called Jonah
Made no mention of his massive boner
When courting a whale

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Mobson
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<laugh> <laugh> Nope!! ...not after reading today's One Liners!!!

A chap in the Bible called Jonah
Made no mention of his massive boner
When courting a whale
he went rather pale
Edited by Mobson, Oct 8 2012, 11:54 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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A chap in the Bible called Jonah
Made no mention of his massive boner
When courting a whale
he went rather pale
And became a marine organ donor.


There was a young man from Athlone

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Caro

There was a young man from Athlone
Who did nothing but grumble and groan [I am assuming pronunciation is going with spelling]
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Mobson
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waiting4atickle
Oct 8 2012, 11:55 PM

A chap in the Bible called Jonah
Made no mention of his massive boner
When courting a whale
he went rather pale
And became a marine organ donor.
<wink> good line ticks! <star>



There was a young man from Athlone
Who did nothing but grumble and groan
His wife said 'Buck Up'




Edited by Mobson, Oct 9 2012, 07:34 AM.
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becky sharp
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There was a young man from Athlone
Who did nothing but grumble and groan
His wife said 'Buck Up'
'You miserable pup'
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Mobson
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There was a young man from Athlone
Who did nothing but grumble and groan
His wife said "Buck Up"
"You miserable pup"
"Or you'll end up completely alone"
Edited by Mobson, Oct 9 2012, 07:52 AM.
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Mobson
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A lady who does hair in the Tooting Road
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Norm Deplume
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A lady who does hair in the Tooting Road
Was accused of doing strange things to a toad
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waiting4atickle
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Mobson
Oct 9 2012, 07:51 AM
There was a young man from Athlone
Who did nothing but grumble and groan
His wife said "Buck Up"
"You miserable pup"
"Or you'll end up completely alone"

<crikey> That one makes sense. It's not very interesting, but it makes sense.


A lady who does hair in the Tooting Road
Was accused of doing strange things to a toad
With a frog in her throat

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