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Limericks
Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 09:07 AM (34,839 Views)
caissier
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waiting4atickle

Yesterday, 10:44 PM IP: 86.28.198.150 ยท Post #3467








Posts:6,484Group:MembersMember#12Joined:Jul 11, 2011



There was an old hero called Ajax
who certainly lived life to the max
His fighting was mythic
His muscles terrythic
From the years he'd spent building haystacks.


Now they're gunning for poor old Brock


Edited by caissier, Sep 18 2012, 09:08 AM.
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Caro

Hardship abounded in days of yore,
They had to walk barefoot on th'floor
With soles like leather
No matter the weather
They set out with a hiss and a roar.

A snake and a lion met up
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Norm Deplume
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A snake and a lion met up
And shared a cool beer in a cup
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dai Cottomy
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A snake and a lion met up
And shared a cool beer in a cup
The snake said: "cheers, mate"
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waiting4atickle
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A snake and a lion met up
And shared a cool beer in a cup
The snake said: "cheers, mate"
And slid off the plate

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dai Cottomy
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A snake and a lion met up
And shared a cool beer in a cup
The snake said: "cheers, mate"
And slid off the plate
The lion ate the snake and said: "I'm fed up"

Nature is red in tooth and claw
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Caro

Nature is red in tooth and claw
Subject to its own special law
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Norm Deplume
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Nature is red in tooth and claw
Subject to its own special law
No 'ifs' and no 'buts'
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waiting4atickle
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Nature is red in tooth and claw
Subject to its own special law
No 'ifs' and no 'buts'
It's all blood and guts

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Mobson
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Nature is red in tooth and claw
Subject to its own special law
No 'ifs' and no 'buts'
It's all blood and guts
Without even the use of a saw
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Mobson
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Young Stuart's on a sticky wicket
Edited by Mobson, Jul 13 2013, 04:19 AM.
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Caro

Young Stuart's on a sticky wicket
He walked not when he did nick it
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Mobson
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Young Stuart's on a sticky wicket
He walked not when he did nick it
The debates that ensued
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Norm Deplume
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Young Stuart's on a sticky wicket
He walked not when he did nick it
The debates that ensued
Were bordering on "rude"
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waiting4atickle
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Young Stuart's on a sticky wicket
He walked not when he did nick it
The debates that ensued
Were bordering on "rude"
By Gilchrist! It just isn't cricket!


You won't catch a golfer not walking

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Mobson
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You won't catch a golfer not walking
Nor will he do very much talking
Edited by Mobson, Jul 16 2013, 12:13 AM.
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tafkaj

You won't catch a golfer not walking
Nor will he do very much talking
He'll polish his ball
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Mobson
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You won't catch a golfer not walking
Nor will he do very much talking
He'll polish his ball
In no time at all
Edited by Mobson, Jul 16 2013, 02:39 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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You won't catch a golfer not walking
Nor will he do very much talking
He'll polish his ball
In no time at all
Then back to the day job,---stalking



When windy, your hit your balls low
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Mobson
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When windy, you hit your balls low
Ensuring they travel fast and so
Edited by Mobson, Jul 17 2013, 02:36 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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When windy, you hit your balls low
Ensuring they travel fast and so
They stay close to the ground
Edited by Norm Deplume, Jul 18 2013, 01:52 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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When windy, you hit your balls low
Ensuring they travel fast and so
They stay close to the ground
Often never to be found
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Caro

When windy, you hit your balls low
Ensuring they travel fast and so
They stay close to the ground
Often never to be found
Till the groundsman starts to mow.


I'm off to the auction today
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Norm Deplume
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I'm off to the auction today
but first a practise on eBay
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Norm Deplume
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Blank
Edited by Norm Deplume, Jul 21 2013, 11:51 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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I'm off to the auction today
but first a practise on eBay
I've been to the viewing
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waiting4atickle
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I'm off to the auction today
but first a practise on eBay
I've been to the viewing
There wasn't much doing

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Mobson
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I'm off to the auction today
but first a practise on eBay
I've been to the viewing
There wasn't much doing
So nothing more to say....*


*Accept probably one of our most boring attempts! <erm> must be the heat <comet>
Edited by Mobson, Jul 22 2013, 11:15 AM.
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Mobson
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What a feeble attempt at a limerick
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Norm Deplume
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What a feeble attempt at a limerick
Coulda been writ by a country hick
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waiting4atickle
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What a feeble attempt at a limerick
Coulda been writ by a country hick
We need to get smoking
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becky sharp
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What a feeble attempt at a limerick
Coulda been writ by a country hick
We need to get smoking
With no more joking
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waiting4atickle
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What a feeble attempt at a limerick
Coulda been writ by a country hick
We need to get smoking
With no more joking
'Bout John Thomas or Willy or Dick.


Let's show them a clean pair of heels




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Rikiiboy
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Let's show them a clean pair of heels
And waggle like a couple of seals
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Caro

Let's show them a clean pair of heels
And waggle like a couple of seals
Have we feet or just tails?
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Mobson
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Let's show them a clean pair of heels
And waggle like a couple of seals
Have we feet or just tails?
Cos if all else fails
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waiting4atickle
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Let's show them a clean pair of heels
And waggle like a couple of seals
Have we feet or just tails?
Cos if all else fails
We'll have to drink stout at O'Neill's.


Chilled stout is a terrible thing

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Mobson
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Chilled stout is a terrible thing
No happiness does it bring
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Norm Deplume
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Chilled stout is a terrible thing
No happiness does it bring
It's like ice cream on toast
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waiting4atickle
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Chilled stout is a terrible thing
No happiness does it bring
It's like ice cream on toast
A cold day at the coast

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Norm Deplume
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Chilled stout is a terrible thing
No happiness does it bring
It's like ice cream on toast
A cold day at the coast
Or a 'night on the town,' without bling





Alf Smith is a tailor in Cheam
Edited by Norm Deplume, Jul 26 2013, 04:43 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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Alf Smith is a tailor in Cheam
Who had an incredible dream

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Mobson
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Alf Smith is a tailor in Cheam
Who had an incredible dream
To create a zoot suit
Edited by Mobson, Jul 26 2013, 07:10 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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Alf Smith is a tailor in Cheam
Who had an incredible dream
To create a zoot suit
Made out of root fruit

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Mobson
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Alf Smith is a tailor in Cheam
Who had an incredible dream
To create a zoot suit
Made out of root fruit
But it all came apart at the seam
Edited by Mobson, Jul 27 2013, 08:22 AM.
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Mobson
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It's been mighty hot all this week
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Caro

It's been mighty hot all this week
With sun like a isle that is Greek
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Mobson
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It's been mighty hot all this week
With sun like a isle that is Greek
but it's all change tomorrow
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Norm Deplume
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It's been mighty hot all this week
With sun like a isle that is Greek
but it's all change tomorrow
To bring us great sorrow
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Mobson
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It's been mighty hot all this week
With sun like a isle that is Greek
but it's all change tomorrow
To bring us great sorrow
And back to a heatwave next week
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Mobson
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Tell me why I hate Mondays goes the song
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Norm Deplume
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Tell me why I hate Mondays goes the song
Because the week until Friday is so long
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Mobson
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Tell me why I hate Mondays goes the song
Because the week until Friday is so long
.......................
If it were shorter
..........................................................
Edited by Mobson, Jul 30 2013, 02:28 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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Tell me why I hate Mondays goes the song
Because the week until Friday is so long
I'd stick to water
If it were shorter
..........................................................
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Mobson
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Tell me why I hate Mondays goes the song
Because the week until Friday is so long
I'd stick to water
If it were shorter
Somehow it's all gone a bit Pete Tong
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Mobson
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A decrepit old gas man named Peter
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Norm Deplume
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A decrepit old gas man named Peter
Called to fix my hot water heater
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Norm Deplume
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A decrepit old gas man named Peter
Called to fix my hot water heater
He bodged it up proper
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waiting4atickle
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A decrepit old gas man named Peter
Called to fix my hot water heater
He bodged it up proper
And then came a cropper

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Mobson
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A decrepit old gas man named Peter
Called to fix my hot water heater
He bodged it up proper
And then came a cropper
His body's now resting in peat - er!
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Mobson
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What happened to Rita meter-maid?
Edited by Mobson, Aug 2 2013, 12:26 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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What happened to Rita meter-maid?
It's said she was drunk and got laid!
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tafkaj

What happened to Rita meter-maid?
It's said she was drunk and got laid!
But Lennon said: "No!"
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waiting4atickle
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What happened to Rita meter-maid?
It's said she was drunk and got laid!
But Lennon said: "No!"
(Although first he said "O!")

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Mobson
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What happened to Rita meter-maid?
It's said she was drunk and got laid!
But Lennon said: "No!"
(Although first he said "O!")
No news of her then I'm afraid
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Mobson
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There once was a sculptor named Phideous
Edited by Mobson, Aug 5 2013, 10:05 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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There once was a sculptor named Phideous
Whose statues, quite frankly, were hideous
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Mobson
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There once was a sculptor named Phideous
Whose statues, quite frankly, were hideous
With no Bonhams to sell 'em
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Norm Deplume
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There once was a sculptor named Phideous
Whose statues, quite frankly, were hideous
With no Bonhams to sell 'em
Took a big hammer and fell 'em
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dai Cottomy
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There once was a sculptor named Phideous
Whose statues, quite frankly, were hideous
With no Bonhams to sell 'em
Took a big hammer and fell 'em
For reasons that were rather invidious


A costume designer called Mabel
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waiting4atickle
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A costume designer called Mabel
Took a cloth that was spread on't table

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Norm Deplume
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A costume designer called Mabel
Took a cloth that was spread on't table
It was all white and lacy
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dai Cottomy
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A costume designer called Mabel
Took a cloth that was spread on't table
It was all white and lacy
Made a dress that was racy
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Norm Deplume
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A costume designer called Mabel
Took a cloth that was spread on't table
It was all white and lacy
Made a dress that was racy
But did not have a designer's label




A motor car buff called Ricardo
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Mobson
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A motor car buff called Ricardo
designed a prototype like Leonardo
Edited by Mobson, Aug 7 2013, 10:12 PM.
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tafkaj

A motor car buff called Ricardo
Designed a prototype like Leonardo,
But, just like his sketches,
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waiting4atickle
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A motor car buff called Ricardo
Designed a prototype like Leonardo,
But, just like his sketches,
The vision outstretches

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Caro

A motor car buff called Ricardo
Designed a prototype like Leonardo,
But, just like his sketches,
The vision outstretches
And seems just a test of bravado.

There once was a boy, Joe by name
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dai Cottomy
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There once was a boy, Joe by name
Who happened one day upon an old flame
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Caro

There once was a boy, Joe by name
Who happened one day upon an old flame
They married next day
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Mobson
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There once was a boy, Joe by name
Who happened one day upon an old flame
They married next day
Rolled lots in the hay
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waiting4atickle
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There once was a boy, Joe by name
Who happened one day upon an old flame
They married next day
Rolled lots in the hay
And set fire to the barn - what a shame!


A mustachioed man from Montrose

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Caro

A mustachioed man from Montrose
Tried hard for a way to enclose
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Mobson
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A mustachioed man from Montrose
Tried hard for a way to enclose
Gold for cash
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dai Cottomy
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A mustachioed man from Montrose
Tried hard for a way to enclose
Gold for cash
To cut a dash
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Norm Deplume
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A mustachioed man from Montrose
Tried hard for a way to enclose
Gold for cash
To cut a dash
But when it came to the crunch, he just froze


A Gentleman who was very well heeled
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waiting4atickle
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A Gentleman who was very well heeled
Lost his shoes in a newly-ploughed field

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Caro

A Gentleman who was very well heeled
Lost his shoes in a newly-ploughed field
He scampered bare-foot
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Mobson
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Caro
Aug 14 2013, 01:08 AM
A Gentleman who was very well heeled
Lost his shoes in a newly-ploughed field
He scampered bare-foot
Till he found an old boot
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Mobson
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A Gentleman who was very well heeled
Lost his shoes in a newly-ploughed field
He scampered bare-foot
Till he found an old boot
Edited by Mobson, Aug 14 2013, 01:57 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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A Gentleman who was very well heeled
Lost his shoes in a newly-ploughed field
He scampered bare-foot
Till he found an old boot,
Fell in love and their future was sealed







At a ball down in Stratford-on-Avon


Edited by Norm Deplume, Aug 14 2013, 01:53 PM.
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Mobson
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At a ball down in Stratford-on-Avon
Attended by Countryfile's John Craven
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waiting4atickle
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At a ball down in Stratford-on-Avon
Attended by Countryfile's John Craven
Late arrivals were called

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Norm Deplume
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At a ball down in Stratford-on-Avon
Attended by Countryfile's John Craven
Late arrivals were called
By a chap who was bald
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dai Cottomy
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At a ball down in Stratford-on-Avon
Attended by Countryfile's John Craven
Late arrivals were called
By a chap who was bald
And on top of his head sat a raven


The guests tried their best not to comment
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Norm Deplume
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The guests tried their best not to comment
It was clear as the day, he was 'bent'
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Norm Deplume
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The guests tried their best not to comment
It was clear as the day, he was 'bent'
His wrist was so limp
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Mobson
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The guests tried their best not to comment
It was clear as the day, he was 'bent'
His wrist was so limp
He looked such a wimp
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dai Cottomy
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The guests tried their best not to comment
It was clear as the day, he was 'bent'
His wrist was so limp
He looked such a wimp
He's a Member of Parliament


A publican named Joe Kilbride
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Mobson
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A publican named Joe Kilbride
Under his counter, a gun did he hide
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Norm Deplume
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A publican named Joe Kilbride
Under his counter, a gun did he hide
A pre-war Smith and Wesson
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