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Limericks
Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 09:07 AM (34,837 Views)
caissier
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waiting4atickle

Yesterday, 10:44 PM IP: 86.28.198.150 ยท Post #3467








Posts:6,484Group:MembersMember#12Joined:Jul 11, 2011



There was an old hero called Ajax
who certainly lived life to the max
His fighting was mythic
His muscles terrythic
From the years he'd spent building haystacks.


Now they're gunning for poor old Brock


Edited by caissier, Sep 18 2012, 09:08 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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Although it gets cold in the Arctic
The ambience is fairly cathartic
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Mobson
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Although it gets cold in the Arctic
The ambience is fairly cathartic
Tho' frostbite's a worry
Edited by Mobson, Sep 21 2013, 01:47 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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Although it gets cold in the Arctic
There's a chance that you'll need a cathartic
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waiting4atickle
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Although it gets cold in the Arctic
The ambience is fairly cathartic
Tho' frostbite's a worry
When you eat a McFlurry

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dai Cottomy
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Although it gets cold in the Arctic
The ambience is fairly cathartic
Tho' frostbite's a worry
When you eat a McFlurry
You can do things that are anarchic


It's so much better at the Equator
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Mobson
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"It's so much better at the Equator"
Recounted my mater and pater
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Norm Deplume
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"It's so much better at the Equator"
Recounted my mater and pater
It's warm, for a start
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Mobson
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"It's so much better at the Equator"
Recounted my mater and pater
It's warm, for a start
So good for the heart
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dai Cottomy
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"It's so much better at the Equator"
Recounted my mater and pater
It's warm, for a start
So good for the heart
"I'll see you later, alligator"


There was once a lonely crocodile

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Mobson
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There was once a lonely crocodile
The last survivor of the Nile
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tafkaj

There was once a lonely crocodile
The last survivor of the Nile,
Because global warming
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Mobson
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There was once a lonely crocodile
The last survivor of the Nile,
Because global warming
With no sign of reforming
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dai Cottomy
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There was once a lonely crocodile
The last survivor of the Nile,
Because global warming
With no sign of reforming
Is what gave him that beguiling smile


A full figured female from Bury
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Norm Deplume
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A full figured female from Bury
Who never did nowt in a hurry...(local accent)
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Mobson
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A full figured female from Bury
Who never did nowt in a hurry
Did a Charity run
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Norm Deplume
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A full figured female from Bury
Who never did nowt in a hurry
Did a Charity run
For a bit of fun
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dai Cottomy
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A full figured female from Bury
Who never did nowt in a hurry
Did a Charity run
For a bit of fun
Then sat down to a very hot curry


I wonder why all pussy cats purr
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Mobson
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I wonder why all pussy cats purr
And meow and look so demur
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Norm Deplume
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I wonder why all pussy cats purr
And meow and look so demur
Is it contempt for all humans?
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waiting4atickle
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I wonder why all pussy cats purr
And meow and look so demur
Is it contempt for all humans?
Or the way that this limerick scans?
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dai Cottomy
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I wonder why all pussy cats purr
And meow and look so demur
Is it contempt for all humans?
Or the way that this limerick scans?
So I'll try and avoid flying fur

I once owned a tame cockatoo
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Mobson
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I once owned a tame cockatoo
Who'd one eye yellow, one blue
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Norm Deplume
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I once owned a tame cockatoo
Who'd one eye yellow, one blue
It talked with a lisp
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waiting4atickle
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I once owned a tame cockatoo
Who'd one eye yellow, one blue
It talked with a lisp
And ate the odd crisp

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Norm Deplume
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once owned a tame cockatoo
Who'd one eye yellow, one blue
It talked with a lisp
And ate the odd crisp
Laid an egg and yelled "COCKADOODLE DOO"!



A three-legged man in North Devon
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waiting4atickle
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A three-legged man in North Devon
Had toes numb'ring more than eleven

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Mobson
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A three-legged man in North Devon
Had toes numb'ring more than eleven
Yet thumbs he had none


Edited by Mobson, Oct 3 2013, 03:16 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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A three-legged man in North Devon
Had toes numb'ring more than eleven
Yet thumbs he had none
Well, perhaps just the one
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Mobson
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A three-legged man in North Devon
Had toes numb'ring more than eleven
Yet thumbs he had none
Well, perhaps just the one
And fingers numb'ring less than seven


.................since we're into the grotesque ..................


A two-headed woman from Kentucky


Edited by Mobson, Oct 3 2013, 06:51 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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A two-headed woman from Kentucky
Was thought, by her friends, to be lucky
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waiting4atickle
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A two-headed woman from Kentucky
Was thought, by her friends, to be lucky
But, caught in two minds

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tafkaj

A two-headed woman from Kentucky
Was thought, by her friends, to be lucky
But, caught in two minds,
With matching behinds,
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Norm Deplume
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A two-headed woman from Kentucky
Was thought, by her friends, to be lucky
But, caught in two minds,
With matching behinds,
Now! Now! Don't let's start getting mucky.



It was time for the start of the dig
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Mobson
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It was time for the start of the dig
Looking for sus scrofa or ancient pig
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Norm Deplume
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It was time for the start of the dig
Looking for sus scrofa or ancient pig
With paint brush and hoe
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dai Cottomy
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It was time for the start of the dig
Looking for sus scrofa or ancient pig
With paint brush and hoe
We go with the flow
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tafkaj

It was time for the start of the dig
Looking for sus scrofa or ancient pig
With paint brush and hoe
We go with the flow
And lunch at the Truffle & Wig.

****************************************

"See how they run," says the song
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Norm Deplume
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"See how they run," says the song
But Lady Madonna was long gone
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waiting4atickle
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"See how they run," says the song
But Lady Madonna was long gone
Couldn't pay the rent

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Norm Deplume
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"See how they run," says the song
But Lady Madonna was long gone
Couldn't pay the rent
(Not to mention, she's bent)
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dai Cottomy
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"See how they run," says the song
But Lady Madonna was long gone
Couldn't pay the rent
(Not to mention, she's bent)
She moved in with her boyfriend, King Kong


There on the top of the Empire State

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Mobson
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There on the top of the Empire State
King Kong was holding his mate
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Norm Deplume
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There on the top of the Empire State
King Kong was holding his mate
One hand holding the tower
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Norm Deplume
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There on the top of the Empire State
King Kong was holding his mate
One hand holding the tower
Holding on with such power
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Mobson
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There on the top of the Empire State
King Kong was holding his mate
One hand holding the tower
Holding on with such power
Completely unaware of his fate
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Mobson
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The weather is dark and fright'ning
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Norm Deplume
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The weather is dark and fright'ning
A
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Norm Deplume
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The weather is dark and fright'ning
A precursor of thunder and lightning
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waiting4atickle
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The weather is dark and fright'ning
A precursor of thunder and lightning
But be of good cheer
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Norm Deplume
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The weather is dark and fright'ning
A precursor of thunder and lightning
But be of good cheer
Let's break-out the beer
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waiting4atickle
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The weather is dark and fright'ning
A precursor of thunder and lightning
But be of good cheer
Let's break-out the beer
'Fore you know it, things will be bright'ning.


I lost it a long time ago

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dai Cottomy
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I lost it a long time ago
My virginity if you must know
------------------
------------------
---------------------------
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waiting4atickle
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I lost it a long time ago
My virginity if you must know
I remember the night


We don't need the dashes in this one, dai - they're used for the Any Line is Available thread (if people remember).

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Mobson
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"People"..don't you mean NORM, TAF, DAI AND ME!...not forgetting Caro but she's on a European tour!
Edited by Mobson, Oct 15 2013, 02:15 PM.
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tafkaj

waiting4atickle
Oct 14 2013, 10:53 PM

I lost it a long time ago
My virginity if you must know
I remember the night


We don't need the dashes in this one, dai - they're used for the Any Line is Available thread (if people remember).

["See how they run," says the song
But Lady Madonna was long gone ...

I was thinking of Three Blind Mice! <laugh> ]


***********************************

I lost it a long time ago
My virginity if you must know
I remember the night
When I went from pure white
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Mobson
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I lost it a long time ago
My virginity if you must know
I remember the night
When I went from pure white
to as black as the well trodden snow
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Mobson
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Those days they do seem like a dream
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waiting4atickle
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Those days they do seem like a dream
When I followed a winning team

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Mobson
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Those days they do seem like a dream
When I followed a winning team
Oh what gay days
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Norm Deplume
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Those days they do seem like a dream
When I followed a winning team
Oh what gay days
(If you'll pardon the phrase)
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tafkaj

Those days they do seem like a dream
When I followed a winning team
Oh what gay days
(If you'll pardon the phrase) -
I've thought of a new meaning for "cream"!

******************************

And now it is time to go home
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dai Cottomy
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And now it is time to go home
I've decided no more shall I roam
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waiting4atickle
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And now it is time to go home
I've decided no more shall I roam
And be a go-getter

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dai Cottomy
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And now it is time to go home
I've decided no more shall I roam
And be a go-getter
Staying put's better
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tafkaj

And now it is time to go home
I've decided no more shall I roam
And be a go-getter
Staying put's better -
I'll protect myself with styrofoam.

*******************************

I drove my new car int'a wall



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Mobson
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I drove my new car int'a wall
Trying to avoid a kid's ball
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Norm Deplume
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I drove my new car int'a wall
Trying to avoid a kid's ball
The kid mocked my driving
Edited by Norm Deplume, Oct 26 2013, 10:59 AM.
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tafkaj

I drove my new car int'a wall
Trying to avoid a kid's ball;
The kid mocked my driving -
Youth sarcasm's thriving -
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Mobson
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I drove my new car int'a wall
Trying to avoid a kid's ball;
The kid mocked my driving
Youth sarcasm's thriving ... ... ...yay! good line <ninja>
Not now, 'fraid he's had a bad fall!
Edited by Mobson, Oct 29 2013, 10:31 AM.
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Mobson
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The kid pushed me 'over the edge'..
Edited by Mobson, Oct 29 2013, 10:35 AM.
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waiting4atickle
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The kid pushed me 'over the edge'..
I took out my old pitching wedge

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tafkaj

The kid pushed me 'over the edge'..
I took out my old pitching wedge
And took off the cover
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Mobson
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The kid pushed me 'over the edge'..
I took out my old pitching wedge
And took off the cover
O'er his head it did hover
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dai Cottomy
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The kid pushed me 'over the edge'..
I took out my old pitching wedge
And took off the cover
He yelled for his muvva
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Norm Deplume
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The kid pushed me 'over the edge'..
I took out my old pitching wedge
And took off the cover
He yelled for his muvva
Ran home, jumping over his hedge




It's a good thing I'm not fond of pears
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Mobson
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It's a good thing I'm not fond of pears
or any fruit that is covered in hairs
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dai Cottomy
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It's a good thing I'm not fond of pears
or any fruit that is covered in hairs
I like a nice plum
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tafkaj

It's a good thing I'm not fond of pears
Or any fruit that is covered in hairs
I like a nice plum
With brandy or rum
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Mobson
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It's a good thing I'm not fond of pears
Or any fruit that is covered in hairs
I like a nice plum
With brandy or rum
Not too much or I'll n'er get upstairs
Edited by Mobson, Nov 4 2013, 11:27 PM.
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Mobson
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Tomorrow belongs to dear old Guy
Edited by Mobson, Nov 4 2013, 11:35 PM.
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tafkaj

Tomorrow belongs to dear old Guy -
Today, you mean ... What the ... ? (*Sigh*)
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Norm Deplume
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Tomorrow belongs to dear old Guy -
Today, you mean ... What the ... ? (*Sigh*)
I hope it doesn't rain
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dai Cottomy
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Tomorrow belongs to dear old Guy -
Today, you mean ... What the ... ? (*Sigh*)
I hope it doesn't rain
(Got it wrong again)
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Mobson
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Tomorrow belongs to dear old Guy -
Today, you mean ... What the ... ? (*Sigh*)
I hope it doesn't rain
(Got it wrong again)
Well it's over now so live and let die
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Mobson
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As Fanny was poaching her haddock
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Norm Deplume
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As Fanny was poaching her haddock
Johnny stayed out in the paddock
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dai Cottomy
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As Fanny was poaching her haddock
Johnny stayed out in the paddock
Downed a large whisky
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Norm Deplume
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As Fanny was poaching her haddock
Johnny stayed out in the paddock
Downed a large whisky
Started to feel frisky
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tafkaj

As Fanny was poaching her haddock
Johnny stayed out in the paddock
Downed a large whisky
Started to feel frisky -
His response can best be called ad hoc.

***********************************************

And, talking of cooks, Mary Berry
Edited by tafkaj, Nov 12 2013, 03:16 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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And, talking of cooks, Mary Berry
Was carefully peeling her cherry
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Mobson
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hey! what's a 'repsonse' - another word I've never heard of <seeya>


And, talking of cooks, Mary Berry
Was carefully peeling her cherry
A difficult task
Edited by Mobson, Nov 11 2013, 10:09 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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And, talking of cooks, Mary Berry
Was carefully peeling her cherry
A difficult task
Involving a mask
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Norm Deplume
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And, talking of cooks, Mary Berry
Was carefully peeling her cherry
A difficult task
Involving a mask
On the deck of a cross channel ferry


The ferry had sailed out of Dover
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Mobson
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The ferry had sailed out of Dover
After having a much needed makeover
Edited by Mobson, Nov 11 2013, 02:39 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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The ferry had sailed out of Dover
After having a much needed makeover
But half way across
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Mobson
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..
Edited by Mobson, Nov 12 2013, 10:58 PM.
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Mobson
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The ferry had sailed out of Dover
After having a much needed makeover
But half way across
Huge waves they did toss
Edited by Mobson, Nov 11 2013, 05:16 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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The ferry had sailed out of Dover
After having a much needed makeover
But half way across
Huge waves they did toss
Retuned to dock. No more the Sea Rover.




The team travelled up hill and down dale
Edited by Norm Deplume, Nov 12 2013, 12:43 PM.
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tafkaj

Mobson
Nov 11 2013, 10:08 AM
hey! what's a 'repsonse' - another word I've never heard of <seeya>
[You should get that dislexia seen to, Mobs ... <whistles> ]

The team travelled up hill and down dale
To find an old yacht they could sail
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Norm Deplume
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The team travelled up hill and down dale
To find an old yacht they could sail
Went from Brighton to Hull
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