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Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 09:07 AM (34,834 Views)
caissier
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waiting4atickle

Yesterday, 10:44 PM IP: 86.28.198.150 ยท Post #3467








Posts:6,484Group:MembersMember#12Joined:Jul 11, 2011



There was an old hero called Ajax
who certainly lived life to the max
His fighting was mythic
His muscles terrythic
From the years he'd spent building haystacks.


Now they're gunning for poor old Brock


Edited by caissier, Sep 18 2012, 09:08 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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She spanked him and whipped him most strongly
Dressed up in a thing that was thongly
He wriggled and screamed
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waiting4atickle
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She spanked him and whipped him most strongly
Dressed up in a thing that was thongly
He wriggled and screamed
It was more than he'd dreamed

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Norm Deplume
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She spanked him and whipped him most strongly
Dressed up in a thing that was thongly
He wriggled and screamed
It was more than he'd dreamed
Until she struck where his dingly was dongly



A young Nannie from smart Upper Cheam
Edited by Norm Deplume, Feb 3 2014, 11:39 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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A young Nannie from smart Upper Cheam
Living out her most passionate dream
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tafkaj

A young Nannie from smart Upper Cheam
Living out her most passionate dream;
She bought lots of butter
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Norm Deplume
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A young Nannie from smart Upper Cheam
Living out her most passionate dream;
She bought lots of butter
Was quietly heard to mutter
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dai Cottomy
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A young Nannie from smart Upper Cheam
Living out her most passionate dream;
She bought lots of butter
Was quietly heard to mutter
"In Upper Cheam, no one can hear you scream"


Two brawny lads from West Wickham
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Norm Deplume
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Two brawny lads from West Wickham
Were chased by a cop trying to Nickham
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waiting4atickle
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Two brawny lads from West Wickham
Were chased by a cop trying to Nickham
Down Letsby Avenue

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dai Cottomy
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Two brawny lads from West Wickham
Were chased by a cop trying to Nickham
Down Letsby Avenue
To some other venue
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tafkaj

Two brawny lads from West Wickham
Were chased by a cop trying to Nickham
Down Letsby Avenue
To some other venue
Where, once caught, they let them lick 'em.

******************************************

My God! It's the size of a house!
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dai Cottomy
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"My God! It's the size of a house!"
Said a flea when it caught sight of a mouse
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Norm Deplume
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"My God! It's the size of a house!"
Said a flea when it caught sight of a mouse
But the mouse took fright
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waiting4atickle
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"My God! It's the size of a house!"
Said a flea when it caught sight of a mouse
But the mouse took fright
Of the flea in full flight

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dai Cottomy
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"My God! It's the size of a house!"
Said a flea when it caught sight of a mouse
But the mouse took fright
Of the flea in full flight
And waltzed off to the music of Strauss


I wish I could dance the Fandango
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Norm Deplume
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I wish I could dance the Fandango
Or the Argentinian Tango
Edited by Norm Deplume, Feb 6 2014, 07:04 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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I wish I could dance the Fandango
Or the Argentinian Tango
But I've two left feet
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Norm Deplume
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I wish I could dance the Fandango
Or the Argentinian Tango
But I've two left feet
Just like lumps of meat
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dai Cottomy
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I wish I could dance the Fandango
Or the Argentinian Tango
But I've two left feet
Just like lumps of meat
And a nose that resembles a mango


A portly greengrocer from Filey
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waiting4atickle
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A portly greengrocer from Filey
Who was living the life of Riley

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Norm Deplume
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A portly greengrocer from Filey
Who was living the life of Riley
Drove off in his Rolls
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tafkaj

A portly greengrocer from Filey
Who was living the life of Riley
Drove off in his Rolls
Without paying the tolls
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Norm Deplume
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A portly greengrocer from Filey
Who was living the life of Riley
Drove off in his Rolls
Without paying the tolls
And was not thought of very highly



He was sighted in Stockton-on-Tees
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dai Cottomy
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He was sighted in Stockton-on-Tees
He said " good grief, I think I've got fleas!"
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Norm Deplume
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He was sighted in Stockton-on-Tees
He said " good grief, I think I've got fleas!"
He stripped-off his shirt
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waiting4atickle
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He was sighted in Stockton-on-Tees
He said " good grief, I think I've got fleas!"
He stripped-off his shirt
And started to flirt

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dai Cottomy
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He was sighted in Stockton-on-Tees
He said " good grief, I think I've got fleas!"
He stripped-off his shirt
And started to flirt
By going down on his hands and knees



She responded by turning her back
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waiting4atickle
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She responded by turning her back
And letting her shoulders go slack
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Norm Deplume
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She responded by turning her back
And letting her shoulders go slack
He thought "Hey! She's a goer"
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waiting4atickle
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She responded by turning her back
And letting her shoulders go slack
He thought "Hey! She's a goer"
But she's gone to Samoa

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Norm Deplume
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She responded by turning her back
And letting her shoulders go slack
He thought "Hey! She's a goer"
But she's gone to Samoa
I know! Cos I helped her to pack



A marathon runner from Keele
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tafkaj

A marathon runner from Keele
Cheated by using a wheel
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waiting4atickle
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A marathon runner from Keele
Cheated by using a wheel
So although he came first

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Mobson
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A marathon runner from Keele
Cheated by using a wheel
So although he came first
His bubble quickly burst

Edited by Mobson, Feb 12 2014, 12:36 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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A marathon runner from Keele
Cheated by using a wheel
So although he came first
His bubble quickly burst
And so he was soon brought to heel


A banker who resided in Kent
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Mobson
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A banker who resided in Kent
A death threat letter was sent
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dai Cottomy
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A banker who resided in Kent
A death threat letter was sent
His bonus he gave
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Norm Deplume
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A banker who resided in Kent
A death threat letter was sent
His bonus he gave
To a thug, name of Dave
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dai Cottomy
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A banker who resided in Kent
A death threat letter was sent
His bonus he gave
To a thug, name of Dave
Just to prove that he wasn't bent


A farmer who suffered with gout

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waiting4atickle
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A farmer who suffered with gout
Insisted he could not go out

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dai Cottomy
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A farmer who suffered with gout
Insisted he could not go out
When he heard his sheep bleat
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Norm Deplume
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A farmer who suffered with gout
Insisted he could not go out
When he heard his sheep bleat
He was very discreet
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dai Cottomy
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A farmer who suffered with gout
Insisted he could not go out
When he heard his sheep bleat
He was very discreet
And gave it a pint of milk stout

A burly policeman from Devon


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Norm Deplume
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A burly policeman from Devon
On the beat at a quarter past eleven
Edited by Norm Deplume, Feb 16 2014, 01:59 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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A burly policeman from Devon
On the beat at a quarter past eleven
Went to question a man
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dai Cottomy
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A burly policeman from Devon
On the beat at a quarter past eleven
Went to question a man
Driving a white van
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Norm Deplume
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A burly policeman from Devon
On the beat at a quarter past eleven
Went to question a man
Driving a white van
A nineteen forty six "Austin seven"




He stopped him for illegal parking
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dai Cottomy
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He stopped him for illegal parking
In a street with yellow line marking
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Norm Deplume
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He stopped him for illegal parking
In a street with yellow line marking
The "stuff" in the van
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waiting4atickle
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He stopped him for illegal parking
In a street with yellow line marking
The "stuff" in the van
Came from Afghanistan

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dai Cottomy
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He stopped him for illegal parking
In a street with yellow line marking
The "stuff" in the van
Came from Afghanistan
And he's off to sell it in Barking


They tell me it does you no harm
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Caro

They tell me it does you no harm
To pickle your pork on a farm
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Norm Deplume
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They tell me it does you no harm
To pickle your pork on a farm
In brine and fresh spice
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Caro

They tell me it does you no harm
To pickle your pork on a farm
In brine and fresh spice
To serve up with rice
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dai Cottomy
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They tell me it does you no harm
To pickle your pork on a farm
In brine and fresh spice
To serve up with rice
One portion will add to your charm


A young market gardener from Gissing


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Norm Deplume
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A young market gardener from Gissing
Owned a snake that would not stop hissing
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tafkaj

A young market gardener from Gissing
Owned a snake that would not stop hissing
A puncture repair kit
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dai Cottomy
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A young market gardener from Gissing
Owned a snake that would not stop hissing
A puncture repair kit
Shut it up for a bit
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Norm Deplume
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A young market gardener from Gissing
Owned a snake that would not stop hissing
A puncture repair kit
Shut it up for a bit
Which gave the young man time for kissing.


Milford Haven, in Pembroke, South Wales
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dai Cottomy
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Milford Haven, in Pembroke, South Wales
Is the place to buy edible snails
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Caro

Milford Haven, in Pembroke, South Wales
Is the place to buy edible snails
Add butter to taste
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dai Cottomy
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Milford Haven, in Pembroke, South Wales
Is the place to buy edible snails
Add butter to taste
There's minimal waste
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tafkaj

Milford Haven, in Pembroke, South Wales
Is the place to buy edible snails
Add butter to taste
There's minimal waste
Cos the shells are scooped up by the whales.

***********************************************

I know it's not proper, but, hey,
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Norm Deplume
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I know it's not proper, but, hey,
I just really must have my say
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tafkaj

I know it's not proper, but, hey,
I just really must have my say
'Bout the state of the trains
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Norm Deplume
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I know it's not proper, but, hey,
I just really must have my say
'Bout the state of the trains
From London to Staines
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dai Cottomy
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I know it's not proper, but, hey,
I just really must have my say
'Bout the state of the trains
From London to Staines
And the planes from Heathrow to Bombay (yes I know it's Mumbai now)


Apart from the strong smell of cooking
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Norm Deplume
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Apart from the strong smell of cooking
He was shabby and not too good looking
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Caro

Apart from the strong smell of cooking
He was shabby and not too good looking
So he lived on his own
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Norm Deplume
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Apart from the strong smell of cooking
He was shabby and not too good looking
So he lived on his own
Where the lawn was not mown
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dai Cottomy
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Apart from the strong smell of cooking
He was shabby and not too good looking
So he lived on his own
Where the lawn was not mown
And a carer needed booking

A retired barber from Kerry
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Norm Deplume
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A retired barber from Kerry
Was on board the Mersey Ferry
Edited by Norm Deplume, Feb 27 2014, 10:35 AM.
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tafkaj

A retired barber from Kerry
Was on board the Mersey Ferry
With Macca and John
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Norm Deplume
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A retired barber from Kerry
Was on board the Mersey Ferry
With Macca and John
Then Ringo got on
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tafkaj

A retired barber from Kerry
Was on board the Mersey Ferry
With Macca and John
Then Ringo got on
But George had run off with Chuck Berry.

******************************************

"Pardon my French," said the dame
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Norm Deplume
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"Pardon my French," said the dame
"Holy Cow! We are wearing the same"
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Caro

"Pardon my French," said the dame
"Holy Cow! We are wearing the same."
"Mon dieu. It is so."
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tafkaj

"Pardon my French," said the dame
"Holy Cow! We are wearing the same."
"Mon dieu. It is so."
"Mein Gott! I must go!"
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Norm Deplume
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"Pardon my French," said the dame
"Holy Cow! We are wearing the same."
"Mon dieu. It is so."
"Mein Gott! I must go!"
I'll bet their all sorry they came



The redheaded girl on the bus
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dai Cottomy
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"Pardon my French," said the dame
"Holy Cow! We are wearing the same."
"Mon dieu. It is so."
"Mein Gott! I must go!"
To which I replied "Je vous aime"


A bearded young man from Karachi



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Norm Deplume
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We'll go with yours dai.

A bearded young man from Karachi
And a Hungarian cop name of Karszy
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Caro

A bearded young man from Karachi
And a Hungarian cop name of Karszy,
Met Rouge on the bus
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Norm Deplume
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A bearded young man from Karachi
And a Hungarian cop name of Karszy,
Met Rouge on the bus
Without any fuss
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tafkaj

A bearded young man from Karachi
And a Hungarian cop name of Karszy,
Met Rouge on the bus
Without any fuss,
Though his manner was overly starchy.

************************************

"It's going to explode!"
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Norm Deplume
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"It's going to explode!"

Not a particularly good first line for a Limerick, Taf!
Edited by Norm Deplume, Mar 8 2014, 04:34 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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Taf, I'll try a new start line and perhaps we can work your line into the theme



The crash occurred at the Crossroad
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tafkaj

[Hmm - I must have cut'n'pasted the wrong line ... Sorry.]

The crash occurred at the Crossroad,
'Twixt Ratty and old Mr Toad
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Norm Deplume
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The crash occurred at the Crossroad,
'Twixt Ratty and old Mr Toad
They both blamed each other
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Mobson
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The crash occurred at the Crossroad,
'Twixt Ratty and old Mr Toad
They both blamed each other
and Toad blamed his mother
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Norm Deplume
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The crash occurred at the Crossroad,
'Twixt Ratty and old Mr Toad
They both blamed each other
and Toad blamed his mother
For not teaching the Highway Code.




The first time ever I saw your face
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Mobson
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The first time ever I saw your face
I just knew you were called Grace
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waiting4atickle
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The first time ever I saw your face
I just knew that you were called Grace
One, Two or Three

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Norm Deplume
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The first time ever I saw your face
I just knew that you were called Grace
One, Two or Three
Don't know, you tell me
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tafkaj

The first time ever I saw your face
I just knew that you were called Grace
One, Two or Three -
Don't know, you tell me -
Oh no! Not again with the mace!!

******************************************

I tell you, I've never seen Jaws
Edited by tafkaj, Mar 15 2014, 01:18 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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I tell you, I've never seen Jaws
Is that a fact? You are a lost cause
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Mobson
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I tell you, I've never seen Jaws
Is that a fact? You are a lost cause
You're behind by four

Edited by Mobson, Mar 17 2014, 07:01 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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I tell you, I've never seen Jaws
Is that a fact? You are a lost cause
You're behind by four
And possibly more
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Mobson
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I tell you, I've never seen Jaws
Is that a fact? You are a lost cause
You're behind by four
And possibly more
The original's best, the rest have serious flaws...
Edited by Mobson, Mar 17 2014, 11:44 AM.
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Mobson
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The last of two fat ladies has died
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tafkaj

The last of two fat ladies has died
And the mourning is now nationwide
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