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Limericks
Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 09:07 AM (34,833 Views)
caissier
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waiting4atickle

Yesterday, 10:44 PM IP: 86.28.198.150 ยท Post #3467








Posts:6,484Group:MembersMember#12Joined:Jul 11, 2011



There was an old hero called Ajax
who certainly lived life to the max
His fighting was mythic
His muscles terrythic
From the years he'd spent building haystacks.


Now they're gunning for poor old Brock


Edited by caissier, Sep 18 2012, 09:08 AM.
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Mobson
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The last of two fat ladies has died
And the mourning is now nationwide
they'll be riding the skies
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dai Cottomy
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The last of two fat ladies has died
And the mourning is now nationwide
they'll be riding the skies
With two portions of fries
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tafkaj

The last of two fat ladies has died
And the mourning is now nationwide
They'll be riding the skies
With two portions of fries
On a bike with a car on the side.

***************************************

I love bees but don't like the wasp
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Mobson
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I love bees but don't like the wasp
who lands upon my little knosp
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Norm Deplume
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I love bees but don't like the wasp
who lands upon my little knosp
My little knosp gets very tender
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waiting4atickle
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I thought this was meant to be a limerick thread. <brickwall>

I love bees but don't like the wasp
who lands upon my little knosp
Which gets very tender
When put in the blender

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Norm Deplume
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Don't you start Tick or I'll report you to 'Age Concern'
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Mobson
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<whistles> Blame it on Taf for ending the first line with a word that doesn't rhyme! <doh>
Edited by Mobson, Mar 22 2014, 08:45 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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I love bees but don't like the wasp
who lands upon my little knosp
Which gets very tender
When put in the blender
And I have to go to the hosp'



Please start these odd odes with a rhyme
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Mobson
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Please start these odd odes with a rhyme
Beating out to the rhythm of time
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Caro

Please start these odd odes with a rhyme
Beating out to the rhythm of time
The scheme is so clear
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Mobson
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Please start these odd odes with a rhyme
Beating out to the rhythm of time
The scheme is so clear
Tho' not for all, I fear
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Norm Deplume
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Please start these odd odes with a rhyme
Beating out to the rhythm of time
The scheme is so clear
Tho' not for all, I fear
The ridiculous is not so sublime


The old ferry from Dover was late
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Mobson
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The old ferry from Dover was late
The passengers were in'fer a wait
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Caro

The old ferry from Dover was late
The passengers were in'fer a wait
The French said, "ooh, la"
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Mobson
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The old ferry from Dover was late
The passengers were in'fer a wait
The French said, "ooh, la"
As they stood at the bar
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tafkaj

Norm Deplume
Mar 22 2014, 03:34 PM
... Please start these odd odes with a rhyme
[Impossible - it's up to those following the first line to create the rhyme ... <scribe> <doff> <applause> ]

The old ferry from Dover was late
The passengers were in'fer a wait
The French said, "ooh, la"
As they stood at the bar
And laughed as it spewed forth its freight.

********************************************

Who knows if the Russians'll invade?
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Norm Deplume
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Impossible - it's up to those following the first line to create the rhyme ... <scribe> <doff> <applause> ]


Pedant!
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Norm Deplume
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Who knows if the Russians'll invade?
With their tanks and their infantry brigade
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Norm Deplume
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Who knows if the Russians'll invade?
With their tanks and their infantry brigade
Hidden-faced bullies
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dai Cottomy
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Who knows if the Russians'll invade?
With their tanks and their infantry brigade
Hidden-faced bullies
Dressed in khaki woollies
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tafkaj

Who knows if the Russians'll invade?
With their tanks and their infantry brigade
Hidden-faced bullies
Dressed in khaki woollies -
They're now on their way to Cricklade!

--------------------------------------------------

If someone is knocking your door
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dai Cottomy
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If someone is knocking your door
It may be the neighborhood bore
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tafkaj

If someone is knocking your door
It may be the neighborhood bore
If so, take your rifle



[Gotta go - tata! <seeya> ]
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Norm Deplume
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If someone is knocking your door
It may be the neighborhood bore
If so, take your rifle
But leave me the trifle

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Mobson
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If someone is knocking your door
It may be the neighborhood bore
If so, take your rifle
But leave me the trifle
I ain't gonna stand for it no more
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Mobson
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When troubles seem to come thick'nfast
Edited by Mobson, Mar 31 2014, 09:33 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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When troubles seem to come thick'n fast
I remember good times in the past
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Norm Deplume
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When troubles seem to come thick'n fast
I remember good times in the past
Xmas day, New Year's Eve
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tafkaj

When troubles seem to come thick'n fast
I remember good times in the past
Xmas day, New Year's Eve
And my Death Row reprieve
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Norm Deplume
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When troubles seem to come thick'n fast
I remember good times in the past
Xmas day, New Year's Eve
And my Death Row reprieve
I just wish all those 'good times' would last

By far, the best thing about Gerry
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Mobson
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By far, the best thing about Gerry
Aside from being incredibly merry
Edited by Mobson, Apr 1 2014, 05:50 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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By far, the best thing about Gerry
Aside from being incredibly merry
Is the way his nose glows

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dai Cottomy
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By far, the best thing about Gerry
Aside from being incredibly merry
Is the way his nose glows
Like a luminous rose
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Caro

By far, the best thing about Gerry
Aside from being incredibly merry
Is the way his nose glows
Like a luminous rose
Or a beautiful great big straw-berry.


The worst of this man is his lisp





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Mobson
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The worst of this man is his lisp
His diction's uncertain, not crisp
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waiting4atickle
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The worst of this man is his lisp
His diction's uncertain, not crisp
He'll thay thath not tho

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Norm Deplume
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The worst of this man is his lisp
His diction's uncertain, not crisp
He'll thay thath not tho
In a tone full of woe
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Norm Deplume
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The worst of this man is his lisp
His diction's uncertain, not crisp
He'll thay thath not tho
In a tone full of woe
It'th a shame that he'th jutht a thmall withp


The desert was bathed in full moonlight
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Caro

The desert was bathed in full moonlight
It made such a wonderful sight
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dai Cottomy
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The desert was bathed in full moonlight
It made such a wonderful sight
No sound could be heard
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Norm Deplume
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The desert was bathed in full moonlight
It made such a wonderful sight
No sound could be heard
'cept the song of a bird
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tafkaj

The desert was bathed in full moonlight
It made such a wonderful sight
No sound could be heard
'cept the song of a bird
'Bout the owl and the cat with a spoon - g'night!

**********************************************

Don't take it the wrong way, you fool!
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Norm Deplume
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"Don't take it the wrong way, you fool"!
Said the teacher to Patrick O'Toole
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dai Cottomy
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"Don't take it the wrong way, you fool"!
Said the teacher to Patrick O'Toole
Who consumed a large rum
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Mobson
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"Don't take it the wrong way, you fool"!
Said the teacher to Patrick O'Toole
Who consumed a large rum
Whilst beating a drum
Edited by Mobson, Apr 5 2014, 04:53 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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"Don't take it the wrong way, you fool"!
Said the teacher to Patrick O'Toole
Who consumed a large rum
Whilst beating a drum
Then, fully clothed, jumped into the pool


We had no idea what he'd do next
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Mobson
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We had no idea what he'd do next
'Cos we hadn't yet written the text
Edited by Mobson, Apr 5 2014, 07:26 PM.
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Caro

We had no idea what he'd do next
'Cos we hadn't yet written the text
We thought, "Would he drown?"
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dai Cottomy
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We had no idea what he'd do next
'Cos we hadn't yet written the text
We thought, "Would he drown?"
(He was upside down)
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Norm Deplume
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We had no idea what he'd do next
'Cos we hadn't yet written the text
We thought, "Would he drown?"
(He was upside down)
He didn't, but got very vexed


The next thing he did was to pant
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dai Cottomy
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The next thing he did was to pant
And all his beliefs began to recant
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Norm Deplume
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The next thing he did was to pant
And all his beliefs began to recant
He stood in the shower
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waiting4atickle
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The next thing he did was to pant
And all his beliefs began to recant
He stood in the shower
For more than an hour

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dai Cottomy
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The next thing he did was to pant
And all his beliefs began to recant
He stood in the shower
For more than an hour
In a pose that was far from elegant


The shower went from hot to stone cold
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waiting4atickle
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The shower went from hot to stone cold
His nipples were standing out bold

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Mobson
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The shower went from hot to stone cold
His nipples were standing out bold
Clean and exhilarated
Edited by Mobson, Apr 8 2014, 03:53 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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The shower went from hot to stone cold
His nipples were standing out bold
Clean and exhilarated
Scrubbed and depilated
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Mobson
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The shower went from hot to stone cold
His nipples were standing out bold
Clean and exhilarated
Scrubbed and depilated
In every crook, cranny and fold
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Mobson
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Taking only one hour out of his day
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dai Cottomy
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Taking only one hour out of his day
He stopped work in order to play
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Norm Deplume
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Taking only one hour out of his day
He stopped work in order to play
Edited by Norm Deplume, Apr 8 2014, 10:50 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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Taking only one hour out of his day
He stopped work in order to play
On his old saxophone
And his brand new trombone
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Norm Deplume
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Taking only one hour out of his day
He stopped work in order to play
On his old saxophone
And his brand new trombone
From the songbook of dear Doris Day.


A trumpeter blew a wrong note
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Mobson
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A trumpeter blew a wrong note
So the bandleader jumped down his throat
Edited by Mobson, Apr 8 2014, 12:20 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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A trumpeter blew a wrong note
So the bandleader jumped down his throat
The drummer went mad
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dai Cottomy
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A trumpeter blew a wrong note
So the bandleader jumped down his throat
The drummer went mad
And shouted "egad!"
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Norm Deplume
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A trumpeter blew a wrong note
So the bandleader jumped down his throat
The drummer went mad
And shouted "egad!"
As he stood there and took off his coat.



The tall alto-sax player stayed cool
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Mobson
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The tall alto-sax player stayed cool
he just stood and stared like a mule
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Norm Deplume
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The tall alto-sax player stayed cool
he just stood and stared like a mule
A trombonist flapped
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dai Cottomy
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The tall alto-sax player stayed cool
he just stood and stared like a mule
A trombonist flapped
The percussionist tapped
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Norm Deplume
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The tall alto-sax player stayed cool
he just stood and stared like a mule
A trombonist flapped
The percussionist tapped
And the trumpeter said "I'm a fool"


A old lady from Dublin called Bridget
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dai Cottomy
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A old lady from Dublin called Bridget
Was known as a compulsive fidget
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Caro

A old lady from Dublin called Bridget
Was known as a compulsive fidget
She twiddled her thumbs [Do you ever twiddle anything else?]
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dai Cottomy
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A old lady from Dublin called Bridget
Was known as a compulsive fidget
She twiddled her thumbs [Do you ever twiddle anything else?]
To the sound of the drums


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Caro

A old lady from Dublin called Bridget
Was known as a compulsive fidget
She twiddled her thumbs [Do you ever twiddle anything else?]
To the sound of the drums
Did I mention she was sized like a midget?


The Duke and the Duchess of Cambridge
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dai Cottomy
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The Duke and the Duchess of Cambridge
Caught Prince George raiding Great Granny's fridge
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Mobson
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The Duke and the Duchess of Cambridge
Caught Prince George raiding Great Granny's fridge
The fridge it was bare
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Norm Deplume
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The Duke and the Duchess of Cambridge
Caught Prince George raiding Great Granny's fridge
The fridge it was bare
But George didn't care
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waiting4atickle
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The Duke and the Duchess of Cambridge
Caught Prince George raiding Great Granny's fridge
The fridge it was bare
But George didn't care
He'd just sunk a bottle of Stoneyridge.


When your diary's all over the news

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Norm Deplume
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When your diary's all over the news
And you're late in paying your dues
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tafkaj

When your diary's all over the news
And you're late in paying your dues,
Take comfort in drink
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Norm Deplume
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When your diary's all over the news
And you're late in paying your dues,
Take comfort in drink
Until elephants are pink
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dai Cottomy
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When your diary's all over the news
And you're late in paying your dues,
Take comfort in drink
Until elephants are pink
And then you'll start singing the blues


A blues singer from Nashville called Dan


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Mobson
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A blues singer from Nashville called Dan
Was stalked by Peggy-Sue, a young fan
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Norm Deplume
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A blues singer from Nashville called Dan
Was stalked by Peggy-Sue, a young fan
Up hill and down dale
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Mobson
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A blues singer from Nashville called Dan
Was stalked by Peggy-Sue, a young fan
Up hill and down dale
Following her fav male
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Norm Deplume
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A blues singer from Nashville called Dan
Was stalked by Peggy-Sue, a young fan
Up hill and down dale
Following her fav male
We-ell, he was a rather nice young man.


In Dundee a man grew a long beard
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waiting4atickle
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In Dundee a man grew a long beard
Which he thought would make him revered

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tafkaj

In Dundee a man grew a long beard
Which he thought would make him revered,
But th'opposite was true
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Mobson
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In Dundee a man grew a long beard
Which he thought would make him revered,
But th'opposite was true
It just wouldn't do
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dai Cottomy
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In Dundee a man grew a long beard
Which he thought would make him revered,
But th'opposite was true
It just wouldn't do
So he took the plunge and had it sheared.


After a while he then grew a 'tache
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Norm Deplume
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After a while he then grew a 'tache
Just to try to make himself 'flash'
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tafkaj

After a while he then grew a 'tache
Just to try to make himself 'flash'
But, like the floor cleaner,
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Norm Deplume
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After a while he then grew a 'tache
Just to try to make himself 'flash'
But, like the floor cleaner,
(As used by maid, Nina)
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Norm Deplume
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After a while he then grew a 'tache
Just to try to make himself 'flash'
But, like the floor cleaner,
(As used by maid, Nina)
He did not make much of a splash.



A female violinist from Bow
........................................
........................
............................
.............................................
Edited by Norm Deplume, Apr 17 2014, 09:00 AM.
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Mobson
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A female violinist from Bow
Dropped a priceless Strad on her toe
........................
............................
.............................................
Edited by Mobson, Apr 18 2014, 12:47 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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A female violinist from Bow
Dropped a priceless Strad on her toe
She screamed, loud and clear
............................
.............................................
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Caro

A female violinist from Bow
Dropped a priceless Strad on her toe
She screamed, loud and clear -
It had cost her quite dear -
.............................................
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tafkaj

A female violinist from Bow
Dropped a priceless Strad on her toe
She screamed, loud and clear -
It had cost her quite dear -
They're twenty-five million a throw.

******************************************

Jupiter, high in the sky,
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