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Limericks
Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 09:07 AM (34,828 Views)
caissier
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waiting4atickle

Yesterday, 10:44 PM IP: 86.28.198.150 ยท Post #3467








Posts:6,484Group:MembersMember#12Joined:Jul 11, 2011



There was an old hero called Ajax
who certainly lived life to the max
His fighting was mythic
His muscles terrythic
From the years he'd spent building haystacks.


Now they're gunning for poor old Brock


Edited by caissier, Sep 18 2012, 09:08 AM.
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Mobson
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A rush for Charlie's first issue today
Edited by Mobson, Jan 14 2015, 10:04 AM.
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waiting4atickle
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A rush for Charlie's first issue today
Don't worry, there's millions more on the way

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Mobson
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A rush for Charlie's first issue today
Don't worry, there's millions more on the way
Mohammed offended?
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dai Cottomy
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A rush for Charlie's first issue today
Don't worry, there's millions more on the way
Mohammed offended?
Sanity Suspended?
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Mobson
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A rush for Charlie's first issue today
Don't worry, there's millions more on the way
Mohammed offended?
Sanity Suspended?
No! Just Hebdo having it's say
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Mobson
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<rose> Darling Deidre's gone to Soap Heaven
Edited by Mobson, Jan 20 2015, 08:04 AM.
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Caro

Darling Deidre's gone to Soap Heaven
Is that in the sky or perhaps Devon?
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Mobson
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Darling Deidre's gone to Soap Heaven
Is that in the sky or perhaps Devon?
With accolades galore
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dai Cottomy
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Darling Deidre's gone to Soap Heaven
Is that in the sky or perhaps Devon?
With accolades galore
We'll see her no more
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Mobson
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Darling Deidre's gone to Soap Heaven
Is that in the sky or perhaps Devon?
With accolades galore
We'll see her no more
As the Angels will surely beckon
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Mobson
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Our Norm loved a good limerick
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waiting4atickle
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Our Norm loved a good limerick
Perhaps the ones here made him sick

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Mobson
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Our Norm loved a good limerick
Perhaps the ones here made him sick
What an outrageous idea!
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dai Cottomy
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Our Norm loved a good limerick
Perhaps the ones here made him sick
What an outrageous idea!
But let's be quite clear
He was a stout hearted old stick.

A ditsy young maiden from Peckham


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waiting4atickle
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A ditsy young maiden from Peckham
Took out her hooters to check 'em

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Mobson
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A ditsy young maiden from Peckham
Took out her hooters to check 'em
To her dismay

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dai Cottomy
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A ditsy young maiden from Peckham
Took out her hooters to check 'em
To her dismay
This brazen display

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Mobson
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A ditsy young maiden from Peckham
Took out her hooters to check 'em
To her dismay
This brazen display
Made her master yearn so to deck 'em
Edited by Mobson, Feb 22 2015, 01:59 PM.
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Mobson
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Will Eddie unite with Oscar tonight?
Edited by Mobson, Feb 22 2015, 03:31 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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Will Eddie unite with Oscar tonight?
Or will he just fade out of sight?
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Mobson
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Will Eddie unite with Oscar tonight?
Or will he just fade out of sight?
No chance of that
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waiting4atickle
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Will Eddie unite with Oscar tonight?
Or will he just fade out of sight?
No chance of that
Well, I'll eat my hat

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dai Cottomy
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Will Eddie unite with Oscar tonight?
Or will he just fade out of sight?
No chance of that
Well, I'll eat my hat
Our home-grown film critic was right


A lion tamer from Crouch End
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Mobson
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A lion tamer from Crouch End
His life in the cage did defend
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Mobson
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Break for a favourite Limerick from John Cooper Clark at the BBC6 Music festival 2015...

2 ugly sisters from Fordham
Took a walk one day out of boredom
On the way back a sex maniac
Jumps out of bush and ignored them

"Everybody loves a limerick" says JCC

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/44gljjxYcDsKdvW2YSbgpvh/bbc-6-music-festival-by-day-punk-poetry-and-spoken-word
Edited by Mobson, Mar 3 2015, 05:24 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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A lion tamer from Crouch End
His life in the cage did defend
He said, with a quip,

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Mobson
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A lion tamer from Crouch End
His life in the cage did defend
He said, with a quip,
And a crack of a whip,
Edited by Mobson, Mar 5 2015, 08:24 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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A lion tamer from Crouch End
His life in the cage did defend
He said, with a quip,
And a crack of a whip,
"That's for eating my lady friend"


The lion took the rebuke rather well
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Mobson
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The lion took the rebuke rather well
Or so far as the lion tamer could tell
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dai Cottomy
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The lion took the rebuke rather well
Or so far as the lion tamer could tell
because after his shout
It spat bits of her out
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Caro

The lion took the rebuke rather well
Or so far as the lion tamer could tell
because after his shout
It spat bits of her out
And then lay right down for a spell.

The tamer laid out all those bits
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Mobson
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The tamer laid out all those bits
Like one of those Meccano kits
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Caro

The tamer laid out all those bits
Like one of those Meccano kits
He tried them for size
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Mobson
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The tamer laid out all those bits
Like one of those Meccano kits
He tried them for size
Then came to realise
Edited by Mobson, Mar 16 2015, 01:19 AM.
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Caro

The tamer laid out all those bits
Like one of those Meccano kits
He tried them for size
Then came to realise
No good would e'er come from those spits.


There once was a lady of Spain
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dai Cottomy
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There once was a lady of Spain
Who fell into a very large drain
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Mobson
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There once was a lady of Spain
Who fell into a very large drain
With her legs poking out
Edited by Mobson, Mar 17 2015, 04:50 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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There once was a lady of Spain
Who fell into a very large drain
With her legs poking out
She let out a shout
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waiting4atickle
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There once was a lady of Spain
Who fell into a very large drain
With her legs poking out
She let out a shout
As the grate squashed her varicose vein.


One's legs can be troublesome things

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Caro

One's legs can be troublesome things
Just ask those who've danced highland flings
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dai Cottomy
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One's legs can be troublesome things
Just ask those who've danced highland flings
If one's short and one's long
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Mobson
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One's legs can be troublesome things
Just ask those who've danced highland flings
If one's short and one's long
No matter what the song
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dai Cottomy
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One's legs can be troublesome things
Just ask those who've danced highland flings
If one's short and one's long
No matter what the song
't ain't over 'til the fat lady sings


A very thin lady from Crewe
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waiting4atickle
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A very thin lady from Crewe
Fell in love with a wandering Jew

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dai Cottomy
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A very thin lady from Crewe
Fell in love with a wandering Jew
They married in haste
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Mobson
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A very thin lady from Crewe
Fell in love with a wandering Jew
They married in haste
Tho' considered bad taste
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dai Cottomy
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A very thin lady from Crewe
Fell in love with a wandering Jew
They married in haste
Tho' considered bad taste
The bridegroom sang Foggy Foggy Dew


A very fat bank clerk from Margate
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Mobson
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A very fat bank clerk from Margate
Drank Ale at the Dove inn in Dargate
Edited by Mobson, Mar 31 2015, 02:31 PM.
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Caro

A very fat bank clerk from Margate
Drank ale at the Dove Inn in Dargate
He waddled back out
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Mobson
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A very fat bank clerk from Margate
Drank ale at the Dove Inn in Dargate
He waddled back out
With a pint of black stout
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Caro

A very fat bank clerk from Margate
Drank ale at the Dove Inn in Dargate
He waddled back out
With a pint of black stout
And flew back to Sheffield and Fargate.

A lovely young lass, Mary Jean,
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dai Cottomy
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A lovely young lass, Mary Jean,
Was a whiz on the sewing machine
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Mobson
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A lovely young lass, Mary Jean,
Was a whiz on the sewing machine
With garments imperious
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dai Cottomy
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A lovely young lass, Mary Jean,
Was a whiz on the sewing machine
With garments imperious
And clients delerious
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dai Cottomy
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A lovely young lass, Mary Jean,
Was a whiz on the sewing machine
With garments imperious
And clients delirious
She made clothes that were fit for a queen


There was a young man from Kentucky
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Mobson
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There was a young man from Kentucky
Who when gambling was extremely lucky
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dai Cottomy
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There was a young man from Kentucky
Who when gambling was extremely lucky
He once won ten grand
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dai Cottomy
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There was a young man from Kentucky
Who when gambling was extremely lucky
He once won ten grand
With a good poker hand
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Caro

There was a young man from Kentucky
Who when gambling was extremely lucky
He once won ten grand
With a good poker hand
And said, "Well, there you are ducky."

With the duck-shooting season upon us
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dai Cottomy
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With the duck-shooting season upon us
A good shotgun is a useful bonus
Edited by dai Cottomy, Apr 21 2015, 02:02 PM.
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Mobson
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With the duck-shooting season upon us
A good shotgun is a useful bonus
No fun for the duck
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dai Cottomy
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With the duck-shooting season upon us
A good shotgun is a useful bonus
No fun for the duck
Who's right out of luck
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Mobson
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With the duck-shooting season upon us
A good shotgun is a useful bonus
No fun for the duck
Who's right out of luck
For the Shooter who's really non-plus
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Mobson
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I was thinking of old Norm today
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Caro

I was thinking of old Norm today
It's sad that he's passed right away
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Mobson
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I was thinking of old Norm today
It's sad that he's passed right away
He was a character for sure
Edited by Mobson, Jun 9 2015, 11:27 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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I was thinking of old Norm today
It's sad that he's passed right away
He was a character for sure
His kind are getting fewer
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Caro

I was thinking of old Norm today
It's sad that he's passed right away
He was a character for sure
His kind are getting fewer
We lose one or two every day.

Let's cheer up and think of some thrills
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dai Cottomy
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Let's cheer up and think of some thrills
Like climbing those blue remembered hills
Edited by dai Cottomy, Jun 14 2015, 01:24 PM.
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Caro

Let's cheer up and think of some thrills
Like climbing those blue remembered hills
Up, up and away

[Actually, the thought of climbing any hills is not a thrill for me, but something to be avoided at all costs!]
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dai Cottomy
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Let's cheer up and think of some thrills
Like climbing those blue remembered hills
Up, up and away
I'll go there some day

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waiting4atickle
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Let's cheer up and think of some thrills
Like climbing those blue remembered hills
Up, up and away
I'll go there some day
And let somebody else pay the bills.


If you go to the royal regatta

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dai Cottomy
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If you go to the royal regatta
You will hear lots of inane chatter
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Mobson
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If you go to the royal regatta
You will hear lots of inane chatter
Far better stay away
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dai Cottomy
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If you go to the royal regatta
You will hear lots of inane chatter
Far better stay away
And spend the rest of the day
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Mobson
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If you go to the royal regatta
You will hear lots of inane chatter
Far better stay away
And spend the rest of the day
With yer pals having a natter
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Caro

But where's your next line, Mobson?
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Mobson
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The Lords are in hot water again
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dai Cottomy
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The Lords are in hot water again
Lond Sewel has gone down the drain
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Mobson
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The Lords are in hot water again
Lord Sewel has gone down the drain
Exposed by the Sun
Edited by Mobson, Jul 30 2015, 03:34 AM.
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Rikiiboy
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The Lords are in hot water again
Lord Sewel has gone down the drain
Exposed by the Sun
On page three with a nun
Edited by Rikiiboy, Jul 30 2015, 04:13 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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The Lords are in hot water again
Lord Sewel has gone down the drain
Exposed by the Sun
On page three with a nun
discussing the delights of cocaine


A habitual drunkard called Ken
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Caro

A habitual drunkard called Ken
Sat morose and downcast in his den
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Mobson
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A habitual drunkard called Ken
Sat morose and downcast in his den
How he longed for a drink
Edited by Mobson, Aug 2 2015, 02:23 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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A habitual drunkard called Ken
Sat morose and downcast in his den
How he longed for a drink
And not having to think
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Caro

A habitual drunkard called Ken
Sat morose and downcast in his den
How he longed for a drink
And not having to think
How he'd recently split up from Ben.

But Ben was enjoying his life
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Mobson
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But Ben was enjoying his life
Without the need for a 'wife'
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Rikiiboy
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But Ben was enjoying his life
Without the need for a 'wife'
He'd make do and mend
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dai Cottomy
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But Ben was enjoying his life
Without the need for a 'wife'
He'd make do and mend
Get a four legged friend
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Mobson
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But Ben was enjoying his life
Without the need for a 'wife'
He'd make do and mend
Get a four legged friend
And live in a bungalow in Fyffe
Edited by Mobson, Aug 6 2015, 11:30 PM.
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Mobson
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Ken pined for his long lost friend
Edited by Mobson, Aug 6 2015, 11:31 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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Ken pined for his long lost friend
And went looking for him in Southend

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Mobson
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Ken pined for his long lost friend
And went looking for him in Southend
But Ben was in Fyffe
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dai Cottomy
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Ken pined for his long lost friend
And went looking for him in Southend
But Ben was in Fyffe
Having the time of his life
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Rikiiboy
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Ken pined for his long lost friend
And went looking for him in Southend
But Ben was in Fyffe
Having the time of his life
While Ken played with his big end.

So the wolves are all out for Ted Heath
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waiting4atickle
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So the wolves are all out for Ted Heath
They covet his wonderful teeth

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dai Cottomy
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So the wolves are all out for Ted Heath
They covet his wonderful teeth
He hated Mrs. T....
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Mobson
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So the wolves are all out for Ted Heath
They covet his wonderful teeth
He hated Mrs. T....
So derisive of he!
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Caro

So the wolves are all out for Ted Heath
They covet his wonderful teeth
He hated Mrs. T....
So derisive of he!
But what fame will he bequeath?

The public are dead keen on judging
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Mobson
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The public are dead keen on judging
Those people who seem to be fudging
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