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Limericks
Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 09:07 AM (34,823 Views)
caissier
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waiting4atickle

Yesterday, 10:44 PM IP: 86.28.198.150 · Post #3467








Posts:6,484Group:MembersMember#12Joined:Jul 11, 2011



There was an old hero called Ajax
who certainly lived life to the max
His fighting was mythic
His muscles terrythic
From the years he'd spent building haystacks.


Now they're gunning for poor old Brock


Edited by caissier, Sep 18 2012, 09:08 AM.
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May-Cee

Out my window I see green, white and gold
They're all colours that speak of the cold
It's the National flag
Of which I brag
A wee bit too much so I'm told


I think this will be my last post
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Mobson
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I think this will be my last post
Said Jasper the Douche Bag ghost
Edited by Mobson, Oct 7 2016, 11:02 PM.
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May-Cee

I think this will be my last post
Said Jasper the Douche Bog ghost
I was in a bad mood
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May-Cee

Ooops - start again.

I think this will be my last post
Said Jasper the Douche Bag ghost
I was in a bad mood
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Caro

I think this will be my last post
Said Jasper the Douche Bag ghost
I was in a bad mood
So I sat and I stewed
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May-Cee

I think this will be my last post
Said Jasper the Douche Bag ghost
I was in a bad mood
So I sat and stewed
Solved the problem with some nice tea and toast


The awkward sister tomorrow for lunch
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dai Cottomy
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The awkward sister tomorrow for lunch
When she goes, she's like "jellied eels!, thanks a bunch"

Edited by dai Cottomy, Oct 8 2016, 06:36 PM.
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May-Cee

The awkward sister tomorrow for lunch
When she goes, she's like "jellied eels!, thanks a bunch"
I sound a bit catty
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Caro

The awkward sister tomorrow for lunch
When she goes, she's like "jellied eels!, thanks a bunch"
I sound a bit catty
She seems a bit batty
Edited by Caro, Oct 8 2016, 08:13 PM.
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Douglas
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The awkward sister tomorrow for lunch
When she goes, she's like "jellied eels!, thanks a bunch"
I sound a bit catty
She seems a bit batty
But she's family when it comes to the crunch.

I'm feeling replete after dinner
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May-Cee

I'm feeling replete after dinner
Scotch Broth is always a winner
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dai Cottomy
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I'm feeling replete after dinner
Scotch Broth is always a winner
But the leg of mutton
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Caro

I'm feeling replete after dinner
Scotch Broth is always a winner
But the leg of mutton
Makes me a glutton
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Douglas
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I'm feeling replete after dinner
Scotch Broth is always a winner
But the leg of mutton
Makes me a glutton
In fact, I'm a terrible sinner.

Near Colchester, one sunny day
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dai Cottomy
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Near Colchester, one sunny day
I happened to see an affray
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Douglas
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Near Colchester, one sunny day
I happened to see an affray
A man and his brother
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May-Cee

Near Colchester, one sunny day
I happened to see an affray
A man and his brother
Had to run for cover
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Mobson
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Near Colchester, one sunny day
I happened to see an affray
A man and his brother
Had to run for cover
From a bull that had got clean away
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Mobson
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My canapés defy convention
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Douglas
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My canapés defy convention.
They are my unique invention
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Caro

My canapés defy convention.
They are my unique invention
They combine sweet and sour
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Douglas
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My canapés defy convention.
They are my unique invention
They combine sweet and sour
And give me the power
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Mobson
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My canapés defy convention.
They are my unique invention
They combine sweet and sour
And give me the power
Which is my very intention!
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Mobson
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Meringues can be tricky to master
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dai Cottomy
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Meringues can be tricky to master
Especially when made out of plaster
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Douglas
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Meringues can be tricky to master
Especially when made out of plaster
If you bite those, you'll know
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Douglas
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( I gather it is rude not to give someone else a turn, but I can't resist this.)

Meringues can be tricky to master
Especially when made out of plaster
If you bite those, you'll know
That they're only for show
And you'll suffer a dental disaster.

If anyone cares to dissent
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dai Cottomy
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<laugh>

If anyone cares to dissent
you're forgiven because you're a gent
Edited by dai Cottomy, Oct 12 2016, 01:23 PM.
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Mobson
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<laugh> <laugh> so glad you got carried away with 'my meringues' Douglas <seeya>


If anyone cares to dissent
you're forgiven because you're a Gent
The Old School I'll be bound
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Douglas
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If anyone cares to dissent
You're forgiven because you're a Gent
The Old School I'll be bound
With your judgement so sound
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May-Cee

If anyone cares to dissent
You're forgiven because you're a Gent
The Old School I'll be bound
With your judgement I'll be bound
My endorsement as a sister Celt


Being Irish, who cares about rhyme
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May-Cee

Ooops!
Try again!

If anyone cares to dissent
You're forgiven because you're a Gent
The Old School I'll be bound
With your judgement so sound
My endorsement as a sister Celt


Being Irish, who cares about rhyme
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waiting4atickle
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Being Irish, who cares about rhyme
We've got Guinness and Murphy's and Beamish

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Caro

Being Irish, who cares about rhyme
We've got Guinness and Murphy's and Beamish
I'll add this line now
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Douglas
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Being Irish, who cares about rhyme
We've got Guinness and Murphy's and Beamish
I'll add this line now
For I can't tell how
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dai Cottomy
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Being Irish, who cares about rhyme
We've got Guinness and Murphy's and Beamish
I'll add this line now
For I can't tell how
All this is making me feel squeamish

The Limerick's not like a sonnet



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May-Cee

The Limerick's not like a sonnet
It's within the rules to con it
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Douglas
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The Limerick's not like a sonnet
It's within the rules to con it
They're sometimes obscene
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May-Cee

The Limerick's not like a sonnet
It's within the rules to con it
They're sometimes obscene
Yet can be quite clean
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waiting4atickle
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The Limerick's not like a sonnet
It's within the rules to con it
They're sometimes obscene
Yet can be quite clean
In which case you'll wish you'd foregone it.

I'm reminded of the classic...

The limerick is furtive and mean;
You must keep her in close quarantine,
Or she sneaks to the slums
And promptly becomes
Disorderly, drunk, and obscene.


A candidate, out on the stump,

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Mobson
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A candidate, out on the stump
Landed an opponent a thump
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Douglas
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A candidate, out on the stump
Landed an opponent a thump.
He fell on his face
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Mobson
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A candidate, out on the stump
Landed an opponent a thump.
He fell on his face
Much to his disgrace
Edited by Mobson, Oct 14 2016, 11:35 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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A candidate, out on the stump
Landed an opponent a thump.
He fell on his face
Much to his disgrace
And to his dismay, heard the last trump


There once was a sailor called Abel

Edited by dai Cottomy, Oct 14 2016, 12:14 PM.
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Douglas
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There once was a sailor called Abel
Who courted a lassie called Mabel
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waiting4atickle
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There once was a sailor called Abel
Who courted a lassie called Mabel
He offered her rum

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dai Cottomy
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There once was a sailor called Abel
Who courted a lassie called Mabel
He offered her rum
And a glimpse of his tum
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Douglas
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There once was a sailor called Abel
Who courted a lassie called Mabel
He offered her rum
And a glimpse of his tum
As he danced on the chart-room table.

An upper-class toff from Harrow
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May-Cee

An upper-class toff from Harrow
Wed a working-class lass from Jarrow
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dai Cottomy
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An upper-class toff from Harrow
Wed a working-class lass from Jarrow
They had a son called Pete
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Douglas
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An upper-class toff from Harrow
Wed a working-class lass from Jarrow
They had a son called Pete
Who was somewhat effete
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May-Cee

An upper-class toff from Harrow
Wed a working-class lass from Jarrow
They had a son called Pete
Who was somewhat effete
But sexually as straight as an arrow


I see it's Cyber Security Month
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waiting4atickle
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I see it's Cyber Security Month
But I can't make a rhyme, I'm a dunce

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Douglas
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I see it's Cyber Security Month
But I can't make a rhyme, I'm a dunce
But the thought of these hackers
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Caro

I see it's Cyber Security Month
But I can't make a rhyme, I'm a dunce
But the thought of these hackers
Make me quite crackers
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dai Cottomy
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I see it's Cyber Security Month
But I can't make a rhyme, I'm a dunce
But the thought of these hackers
Make me quite crackers
And I lithp when I try to thay 'onthe'

Some people have very strange habits
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Douglas
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Some people have very strange habits.
They fuss over hamsters and rabbits
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May-Cee

Some people have very strange habits
They fuss over hamsters and rabbits
Ach sure it's harmless fun
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Douglas
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Some people have very strange habits
They fuss over hamsters and rabbits
Ach sure it's harmless fun
But it doesn't suit evryune
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Mobson
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Some people have very strange habits
They fuss over hamsters and rabbits
Ach sure it's harmless fun
But it doesn't suit everyone
Who like to play with strange gadgets
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Mobson
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I'm making a Halloween costume
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Douglas
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I'm making a Halloween costume
With an ever so exciting perfume
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May-Cee

I'm making a Halloween costume
With an ever so exciting perfume
I like both mask and musk
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Douglas
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I'm making a Halloween costume
With an ever so exciting perfume
I like both mask and musk
When I creep out at dusk
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Mobson
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I'm making a Halloween costume
With an ever so exciting perfume
I like both mask and musk
When I creep out at dusk
A vampiric creature to assume...😈👻🙀
Edited by Mobson, Oct 18 2016, 02:10 AM.
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Mobson
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The Olympians are coming to Town
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Caro

The Olympians are coming to Town
They come in all colours - black, white and brown
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waiting4atickle
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The Olympians are coming to Town
They come in all colours - black, white and brown
But their favourite is gold

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Douglas
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The Olympians are coming to Town
They come in all colours - black, white and brown
But their favourite is gold
(We don't need to be told)
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Mobson
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The Olympians are coming to Town
They come in all colours - black, white and brown
But their favourite is gold
(We don't need to be told)
No need to dress up, it's sport, so dress down...
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Mobson
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Calm down it's just a gorilla
Edited by Mobson, Oct 20 2016, 08:29 PM.
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Douglas
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Calm down it's just a gorilla
And it's far, far away in Manila
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Caro

Calm down it's just a gorilla
And it's far, far away in Manila
But it's big, and it's bad
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Douglas
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Calm down it's just a gorilla
And it's far, far away in Manila
But it's big, and it's bad
So I'm ever so glad
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dai Cottomy
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Calm down it's just a gorilla
And it's far, far away in Manila
But it's big, and it's bad
So I'm ever so glad
That I'm flying to Anguilla

There once was a bell ringer from Bow
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Douglas
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There once was a bell ringer from Bow
Whose morals were ever so low
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dai Cottomy
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There once was a bell ringer from Bow
Whose morals were ever so low
His favourite motto
Edited by dai Cottomy, Oct 21 2016, 12:08 PM.
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Douglas
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There once was a bell ringer from Bow
Whose morals were ever so low
His favourite motto
Was "Never get blotto"
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May-Cee

There once was a bell ringer from Bow
Whose morals were ever so low
His favourite motto
Was "Never get blotto"
"Or lose your account in Savile Row"


Guess what, my new house number is One
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Douglas
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Guess what, my new house number is One
It's a venue for laughter and fun
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May-Cee

Guess what, my new house number is One
It's a venue for laughter and fun
The packing's a chore
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Douglas
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Guess what, my new house number is One
It's a venue for laughter and fun
The packing's a chore
In fact, it's a bore
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May-Cee

Guess what, my new house number is One
It's a venue for laughter and fun
The packing's a chore
In fact, it's a bore
At my age, last ever move, I'm done


When I move in, it's the last of the smokes
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waiting4atickle
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When I move in, it's the last of the smokes
No, really, I mean it, 'sno hoax

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dai Cottomy
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When I move in, it's the last of the smokes
No, really, I mean it, 'sno hoax
I'll start chewing gum
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May-Cee

When I move in, it's the last of the smokes
No, really, I mean it, 'sno hoax
I'll start chewing gum
Or drink medicinal rum
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Douglas
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When I move in, it's the last of the smokes
No, really, I mean it, 'sno hoax
I'll start chewing gum
Or drink medicinal rum
When mixed with occasional Cokes.

When I first got the key of its door,
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dai Cottomy
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When I first got the key of its door,
I'm talking Room Five Hundred and Four
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May-Cee

When I first got the key of its door,
I'm talking Room Five Hundred and Four
It was a coming of age
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Caro

When I first got the key of its door,
I'm talking Room Five Hundred and Four
It was a coming of age
A truly new page
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Douglas
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When I first got the key of its door,
I'm talking Room Five Hundred and Four
It was a coming of age
A truly new page
But I'm not going to tell any more.

There was a young lass from Dunoon
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waiting4atickle
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There was a young lass from Dunoon
Who wanted to go to the moon

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Douglas
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There was a young lass from Dunoon
Who wanted to go to the moon
But 'twas much too far
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May-Cee

There was a young lass from Dunoon
Who wanted to go to the moon
But 'twas much too far
Even a DeLorean car
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Douglas
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There was a young lass from Dunoon
Who wanted to go to the moon
But 'twas much too far
Even a DeLorean car
So she had to settle for Troon.

She met a young fellow in Troon
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waiting4atickle
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She met a young fellow in Troon
Who said he would give her the moon


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Douglas
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She met a young fellow in Troon
Who said he would give her the moon
But he took her to Ayr
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waiting4atickle
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She met a young fellow in Troon
Who said he would give her the moon
But he took her to Ayr
And abandoned her there

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Douglas
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She met a young fellow in Troon
Who said he would give her the moon
But he took her to Ayr
And abandoned her there
So she drowned herself in the Doon

There was a young lad from Dalmilling
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Mobson
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There was a young lad from Dalmilling
Who had a penchant for killing
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