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Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 09:07 AM (34,819 Views)
caissier
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waiting4atickle

Yesterday, 10:44 PM IP: 86.28.198.150 ยท Post #3467








Posts:6,484Group:MembersMember#12Joined:Jul 11, 2011



There was an old hero called Ajax
who certainly lived life to the max
His fighting was mythic
His muscles terrythic
From the years he'd spent building haystacks.


Now they're gunning for poor old Brock


Edited by caissier, Sep 18 2012, 09:08 AM.
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May-Cee

Though Irish, I've never been fond of stew
I'd much rather have some strong brew
Who's been telling these tales?
And airing my fondness for ales?
Hard to admit it but I reckon it's true


In Belfast, "on the brew" means "on the dole"
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dai Cottomy
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In Belfast, "on the brew" means "on the dole"
Financially, you're in a black hole
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Caro

In Belfast, "on the brew" means "on the dole"
Financially, you're in a black hole
You've got not much dough
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Douglas
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In Belfast, "on the brew" means "on the dole"
Financially, you're in a black hole
You've got not much dough
And your spirits are low
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May-Cee

In Belfast, "on the brew" means "on the dole"
Financially, you're in a black hole
You've got not much dough
And your spirits are low
I guess it's back to me dancing round that pole


Actually, words-wise, "brew" really means Bureau
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waiting4atickle
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Actually, words-wise, "brew" really means Bureau
That seems a trifle obscure, no?

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May-Cee

Actually, words-wise, "brew" really means Bureau
That seems a trifle obscure, no?
Not in Ireland and Scotland
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May-Cee

Actually, words-wise, "brew" really means Bureau
That seems a trifle obscure, no?
Not in Ireland and Scotland
With a different shorthand
It's the way we pronounce the word, don't you know?


A pricey new collar, my cat won't wear the bell
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dai Cottomy
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A pricey new collar, my cat won't wear the bell
If I put it upon her, she miaows like hell

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May-Cee

A pricey new collar, my cat won't wear the bell
If I put it upon her, she miaows like hell
Nica says "bells are so last year"
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dai Cottomy
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A pricey new collar, my cat won't wear the bell
If I put it upon her, she miaows like hell
Nica says "bells are so last year,
Choose another bit of gear"
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May-Cee

A pricey new collar, my cat won't wear the bell
If I put it upon her, she miaows like hell
Nica says "bells are so last year,
Choose another bit of gear"
Any youse wanna fussy cat, I'm here to sell


I see your election is up on the go
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Caro

I see your election is up on the go
The prospects for lost Labour are low
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May-Cee

I see your election is up on the go
The prospects for lost Labour are low
Best leave it to the Brits
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waiting4atickle
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I see your election is up on the go
The prospects for lost Labour are low
Best leave it to the Brits
To make of themselves tits

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dai Cottomy
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I see your election is up on the go
The prospects for lost Labour are low
Best leave it to the Brits
To make of themselves tits
They prefer to go with the flow

A lady doctor from Prestatyn
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Douglas
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A lady doctor from Prestatyn
Would address her patients in Latin
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Caro

A lady doctor from Prestatyn
Would address her patients in Latin
They'd look so bemused
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dai Cottomy
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A lady doctor from Prestatyn
Would address her patients in Latin
They'd look so bemused
At the language she used
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May-Cee

A lady doctor from Prestatyn
Would address her patients in Latin
They'd look so bemused
At the language she used
With her bills she always adds the VAT in


Yesterday a rare day when sport gives pleasure
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Douglas
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Yesterday a rare day when sport gives pleasure
To one and all, in equal measure
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May-Cee

Yesterday a rare day when sport gives pleasure
To one and all, in equal measure
I wouldn't say that to a Hull fan
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Caro

Yesterday a rare day when sport gives pleasure
To one and all, in equal measure
I wouldn't say that to a Hull fan
He might be a dull man
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May-Cee

Yesterday a rare day when sport gives pleasure
To one and all, in equal measure
I wouldn't say that to a Hull fan
He might be a dull man
He can enjoy the second league at his leisure


Pros and cons, this working from home lark
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dai Cottomy
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Pros and cons, this working from home lark
Isn't exactly a walk in the park
Edited by dai Cottomy, May 16 2017, 12:39 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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Pros and cons, this working from home lark
Isn't exactly a walk in the park
So many distractions

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Douglas
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Pros and cons, this working from home lark
Isn't exactly a walk in the park
So many distractions
And other attractions
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dai Cottomy
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Pros and cons, this working from home lark
Isn't exactly a walk in the park
So many distractions
And other attractions
To prevent you from leaving your mark

I'm not too keen on the human race
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Douglas
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I'm not too keen on the human race.
It doesn't seem to know its place
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dai Cottomy
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I'm not too keen on the human race.
It doesn't seem to know its place
They get everywhere
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Caro

I'm not too keen on the human race.
It doesn't seem to know its place
They get everywhere
And don't seem to care
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dai Cottomy
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I'm not too keen on the human race.
It doesn't seem to know its place
They get everywhere
And don't seem to care
There goes one now - what a disgrace!

A deep sea diver called Bertie
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Caro

A deep sea diver called Bertie
Felt old when he reached nearly thirty
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dai Cottomy
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A deep sea diver called Bertie
Felt old when he reached nearly thirty
His wife said "Hey, Bert"
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May-Cee

A deep sea diver called Bertie
Felt old when he reached nearly thirty
His wife said "Hey, Bert"
"Surely my bum is still pert?"
So it's obvious they got down and dirty


Sorry - I'm after doing it again!


The gift of the gab can often be a curse
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dai Cottomy
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The gift of the gab can often be a curse
Stony silence is probably worse
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waiting4atickle
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The gift of the gab can often be a curse
Stony silence is probably worse
Somewhere in between

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Caro

The gift of the gab can often be a curse
Stony silence is probably worse
Somewhere in between
It's all quite serene
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dai Cottomy
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The gift of the gab can often be a curse
Stony silence is probably worse
Somewhere in between
It's all quite serene
When it's put into Petrarchian verse

The once was a man from Devises
Edited by dai Cottomy, May 19 2017, 12:31 PM.
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Douglas
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The once was a man from Devises
Who was charged at the local assizes
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May-Cee

There once was a man from Devises
Who was charged at the local assizes
He pleaded mild derangement
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dai Cottomy
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There once was a man from Devizes
Who was charged at the local assizes
He pleaded mild derangement
Counsel made an arrangement
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May-Cee

There once was a man from Devizes
Who was charged at the local assizes
He pleaded mild derangement
Counsel made an arrangement
In truth he's as compos mentis as I is


First time ever, I've just hired a chimney sweep
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Douglas
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First time ever, I've just hired a chimney sweep
Though his prices do seem very steep
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May-Cee

First time ever, I've just hired a chimney sweep
Though his prices do seem very steep
New house, pricey shock
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Douglas
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First time ever, I've just hired a chimney sweep
Though his prices do seem very steep
New house, pricey shock
But the chimney's a-block
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dai Cottomy
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First time ever, I've just hired a chimney sweep
Though his prices do seem very steep
New house, pricey shock
But the chimney's a-block
It's enough to make anyone weep


I've taken to painting the house
Edited by dai Cottomy, May 21 2017, 12:54 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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I've taken to painting the house
While listening to waltzes by Strauss

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Douglas
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I've taken to painting the house
While listening to waltzes by Strauss
I keep time with my brush
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dai Cottomy
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I've taken to painting the house
While listening to waltzes by Strauss
I keep time with my brush
There's no need to rush
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Douglas
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I've taken to painting the house
While listening to waltzes by Strauss
I keep time with my brush
There's no need to rush
It gets me away from my spouse.

One day, as I walked down the lane
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dai Cottomy
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One day, as I walked down the lane
I suddenly fell down a drain
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May-Cee

One day, as I walked down the lane
I suddenly fell down a drain
Luckily the CCTV
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Douglas
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One day, as I walked down the lane
I suddenly fell down a drain
Luckily the CCTV
Got a recording of me
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Caro

One day, as I walked down the lane
I suddenly fell down a drain
Luckily the CCTV
Got a recording of me
And helped by way of a chain.

I once saw a fox on the road
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dai Cottomy
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I once saw a fox on the road
It was trying to swallow a toad
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Douglas
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I once saw a fox on the road
It was trying to swallow a toad
It stuck in his throat
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dai Cottomy
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I once saw a fox on the road
It was trying to swallow a toad
It stuck in his throat
Then along came a stoat
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Douglas
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I once saw a fox on the road
It was trying to swallow a toad
It stuck in his throat
Then along came a stoat
And relieved the fox of his load.

A fox and her cubs live next door
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dai Cottomy
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A fox and her cubs live next door
They set up house under the floor
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Douglas
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A fox and her cubs live next door
They set up house under the floor
Of my neighbour's shed
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waiting4atickle
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A fox and her cubs live next door
They set up house under the floor
Of my neighbour's shed
While he was in bed

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dai Cottomy
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A fox and her cubs live next door
They set up house under the floor
Of my neighbour's shed
While he was in bed
Unaware of the stoat in the drawer

A rent collector from Harrow

Edited by dai Cottomy, May 27 2017, 01:23 PM.
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May-Cee

A rent collector from Harrow
Missed her old life back in Jarrow
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dai Cottomy
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A rent collector from Harrow
Missed her old life back in Jarrow
She went back one day
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waiting4atickle
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A rent collector from Harrow
Missed her old life back in Jarrow
She went back one day
And decided to stay

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dai Cottomy
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A rent collector from Harrow
Missed her old life back in Jarrow
She went back one day
And decided to stay
And stick to the straight and narrow


A driving instructor from Cheam
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waiting4atickle
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A driving instructor from Cheam
Awoke from a terrible dream

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Mobson
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A driving instructor from Cheam
Awoke from a terrible dream
On an F1 track
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dai Cottomy
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A driving instructor from Cheam
Awoke from a terrible dream
On an F1 track
He heard a loud crack
Edited by dai Cottomy, May 30 2017, 02:21 PM.
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May-Cee

A driving instructor from Cheam
Awoke from a terrible dream
On an F1 track
He heard a loud crack
Before bed, no more crackers and cream


Before slumber I like a good romance
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dai Cottomy
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Before slumber I like a good romance
But before that, I like to dance
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May-Cee

Before slumber I like a good romance
But before that, I like to dance
I was thinking of books
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waiting4atickle
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Before slumber I like a good romance
But before that, I like to dance
I was thinking of books
Like ones by Helen Brooks

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May-Cee

Before slumber I like a good romance
But before that, I like to dance
I was thinking of books
Like ones by Helen Brooks
But I won't say no to a man with no pants


That was saucy, I'll confess to my Priest
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Douglas
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That was saucy, I'll confess to my Priest
But I'll just tell him the least
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dai Cottomy
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That was saucy, I'll confess to my Priest
But I'll just tell him the least
Don't want to bare my soul
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May-Cee

That was saucy, I'll confess to my Priest
But I'll just tell him the least
Don't want to bare my soul
For religious folderol
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dai Cottomy
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That was saucy, I'll confess to my Priest
But I'll just tell him the least
Don't want to bare my soul
For religious folderol
A taste is as good as a feast

Cleopatra was Queen of the Nile


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Douglas
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Cleopatra was Queen of the Nile.
She dressed in the greatest of style
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dai Cottomy
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Cleopatra was Queen of the Nile.
She dressed in the greatest of style
Mark Antony said:
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Douglas
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Cleopatra was Queen of the Nile.
She dressed in the greatest of style
Mark Antony said:
"Let's get into bed."
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waiting4atickle
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Cleopatra was Queen of the Nile.
She dressed in the greatest of style
Mark Antony said:
"Let's get into bed."
"I've a snake that will make you smile."


A wily snake charmer from Cairo

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dai Cottomy
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A neat conclusion, Tick


A wily snake charmer from Cairo
Had an asp that looked like a Biro
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Douglas
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A wily snake charmer from Cairo
Had an asp that looked like a Biro
When picked up to write
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waiting4atickle
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A wily snake charmer from Cairo
Had an asp that looked like a Biro
When picked up to write
It didn't half bite


(Thanks for your kind words, Dai. I'm all there with my cough drops.)

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dai Cottomy
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A wily snake charmer from Cairo
Had an asp that looked like a Biro
When picked up to write
It didn't half bite
His chances of survival were zero

Two jolly dustmen from Dorking



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waiting4atickle
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Two jolly dustmen from Dorking
Got all the residents talking

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Douglas
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Two jolly dustmen from Dorking
Got all the residents talking.
When they came for the bins
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waiting4atickle
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Two jolly dustmen from Dorking
Got all the residents talking.
When they came for the bins
In fishnets and sequins

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Douglas
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Two jolly dustmen from Dorking
Got all the residents talking.
When they came for the bins
In fishnets and sequins.
What a curious way of working !

The election result's a surprise
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waiting4atickle
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The election result's a surprise
And May lead to some compromise

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May-Cee

The election result's a surprise
And May lead to some compromise
But the DUP!
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Douglas
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The election result's a surprise
And May lead to some compromise
But the DUP!
As you will see
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May-Cee

The election result's a surprise
And May lead to some compromise
But the DUP!
As you will see
She's so desperate she'll try on for size


Just written my first notes for an album sleeve
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Douglas
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Just written my first notes for an album sleeve
You'll find that my comments are hard to believe
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May-Cee

Just written my first notes for an album sleeve
You'll find that my comments are hard to believe
It's Euros in the bank
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Douglas
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Just written my first notes for an album sleeve
You'll find that my comments are hard to believe
It's Euros in the bank
And I know who to thank
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waiting4atickle
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Just written my first notes for an album sleeve
You'll find that my comments are hard to believe
It's Euros in the bank
And I know who to thank
Ah, the magic a few words can weave.


A limerick writer from Cork

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Douglas
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A limerick writer from Cork
One day was stalking a stork
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