Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Add Reply
Limericks
Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 09:07 AM (34,818 Views)
caissier
Member Avatar
Administrator
waiting4atickle

Yesterday, 10:44 PM IP: 86.28.198.150 ยท Post #3467








Posts:6,484Group:MembersMember#12Joined:Jul 11, 2011



There was an old hero called Ajax
who certainly lived life to the max
His fighting was mythic
His muscles terrythic
From the years he'd spent building haystacks.


Now they're gunning for poor old Brock


Edited by caissier, Sep 18 2012, 09:08 AM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Replies:
May-Cee

A limerick writer from Cork
One day was stalking a stork
The bird, not the Club
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

A limerick writer from Cork
One day was stalking a stork
The bird, not the Club
Nor even the pub
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

A limerick writer from Cork
One day was stalking a stork
The bird, not the Club
Nor even the pub
He traced it to a basement in York

Overjoyed, he wrote home to his wife


Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

Overjoyed, he wrote home to his wife
'Twas the happiest day of his life
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

Overjoyed, he wrote home to his wife
'Twas the happiest day of his life
He said "The marriage is over"
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

Overjoyed, he wrote home to his wife
'Twas the happiest day of his life
He said "The marriage is over.
"I can now be a rover "




















Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

Overjoyed, he wrote home to his wife
'Twas the happiest day of his life
He said "The marriage is over"
"I can now be a rover"
"And there's this wee piece of skirt I met in Fife"


That's Scotland for youse, all kirks and kinks
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


That's Scotland for youse, all kirks and kinks
And swingers in tweeds out there on the links

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

That's Scotland for youse, all kirks and kinks
And swingers in tweeds out there on the links
Shouldn't scoff, fellow Celt
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


That's Scotland for youse, all kirks and kinks
And swingers in tweeds out there on the links
Shouldn't scoff, fellow Celt
So no blows 'neath the belt

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

That's Scotland for youse, all kirks and kinks
And swingers in tweeds out there on the links
Shouldn't scoff, fellow Celt
So no blows 'neath the belt
A Bushmills, just to clear the image, methinks


Didn't mean to, booked my fourth trip to the Argentine
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


Didn't mean to, booked my fourth trip to the Argentine
That's a lot of syllables in one line

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

Didn't mean to, booked my fourth trip to the Argentine
That's a lot of syllables in one line
If didn't mean, why do?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

Didn't mean to, booked my fourth trip to the Argentine
That's a lot of syllables in one line
If didn't mean, why do?
Mum's benign ghost, that's who
I keep drawn to a land I feel is partly mine

(You're right, Tick - the scansion was all over the place with that one!)


Been reading Clive James, my Sat paper treat
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


Been reading Clive James, my Sat paper treat
Isn't he dead yet? Life must be too sweet

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

Been reading Clive James, my Sat paper treat
Isn't he dead yet? Life must be too sweet
New drugs keep him going
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


Been reading Clive James, my Sat paper treat
Isn't he dead yet? Life must be too sweet
New drugs keep him going
And the toing and froing

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

Been reading Clive James, my Sat paper treat
Isn't he dead yet? Life must be too sweet
New drugs keep him going
And the toing and froing
The most humane fella to come from Fleet Street


I've done some stints with the London press
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

I've done some stints with the London press
Guarniad, Telegraph or Daily Express?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

I've done some stints with the London press
Guarniad, Telegraph or Daily Express?
You got a hole in one...
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

I've done some stints with the London press
Guarniad, Telegraph or Daily Express?
You got a hole in one...
Oh good! Then not the Sun?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

I've done some stints with the London press
Guarniad, Telegraph or Daily Express?
You got a hole in one...
Oh good! Then not the Sun?
Was offered Page Three but was wearing a dress


Dublin today, my debut of a polka-dot skirt
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

Dublin today, my debut of a polka-dot skirt,
I must really confess I'm a bit of a flirt,
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

Dublin today, my debut of a polka-dot skirt,
I must really confess I'm a bit of a flirt,
I think you've pulled, Miss
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

Dublin today, my debut of a polka-dot skirt
I must really confess I'm a bit of a flirt
I think you've pulled, Miss
With a Croke Park kiss?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

Dublin today, my debut of a polka-dot skirt
I must really confess I'm a bit of a flirt
I think you've pulled, Miss
With a Croke Park kiss?
Far be it from me to dish the dirt

Humour is good in these troubled times
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

Humour is good in these troubled times
When we get it here it's served up in rhymes
Edited by Douglas, Jun 20 2017, 02:54 PM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

Humour is good in these troubled times
When we get it here it's served up in rhymes
Let's not forget those poor souls
For whom the bell tolls
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

Humour is good in these troubled times
When we get it here it's served up in rhymes
Let's not forget those poor souls
For whom the bell tolls
For misfortune and possibly crimes


A chimney sweep from Ponders End
Edited by dai Cottomy, Jun 23 2017, 10:36 AM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


A chimney sweep from Ponders End
Had a thingumabob that he could bend

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

A chimney sweep from Ponders End
Had a thingumabob that he could bend
There was no need to boast
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


A chimney sweep from Ponders End
Had a thingumabob that he could bend
There was no need to boast
It was obvious to most

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

A chimney sweep from Ponders End
Had a thingumabob that he could bend
There was no need to boast
It was obvious to most
It enabled him to set a trend

When it's hot, I don't do very much



Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

When it's hot, I don't do very much
With my lover, it's just a kiss and a touch
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


When it's hot, I don't do very much
With my lover, it's just a kiss and a touch
But when winter sets in

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

When it's hot, I don't do very much
With my lover, it's just a kiss and a touch
But when winter sets in
It's then I begin
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

When it's hot, I don't do very much
With my lover, it's just a kiss and a touch
But when winter sets in
It's then I begin
And once started, I can't get enough


All this rudeness from a good Catholic girl
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

All this rudeness from a good Catholic girl
Doctor Dai allows your wants to unfurl
Edited by dai Cottomy, Jun 25 2017, 12:29 PM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

All this rudeness from a good Catholic girl
Doctor Dai allows your wants to unfurl
Should I lie on your couch?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

All this rudeness from a good Catholic girl
Doctor Dai allows your wants to unfurl
Should I lie on your couch?
There the truth you should vouch
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


All this rudeness from a good Catholic girl
Doctor Dai allows your wants to unfurl
Should I lie on your couch?
There the truth you should vouch,
Part your lips and show me your pearl.


So Ramadan's over at last



Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

So Ramadan's over at last
Its time to partake of breakfast
Edited by dai Cottomy, Jun 26 2017, 10:03 AM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

So Ramadan's over at last
Its time to partake of breakfast
We can eat all the day
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

So Ramadan's over at last
It's time to partake of breakfast
We can eat all day
And ration the pray
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

So Ramadan's over at last
It's time to partake of breakfast
We can eat all day
And ration the pray
I prithee go and get me some repast (The Taming of the Shrew)









Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

A sweet little maid from Cadiz
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


A sweet little maid from Cadiz
Got herself in a bit of a tizz

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

A sweet little maid from Cadiz
Got herself in a bit of a tizz
She made her mum despair
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

A sweet little maid from Cadiz
Got herself in a bit of a tizz
She made her mum despair
When she dried her hair
With a hoover, making it frizz

Jake was a boxer from Harrow

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

Jake was a boxer from Harrow
Who courted a lassie from Barrow
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Caro

Jake was a boxer from Harrow
Who courted a lassie from Barrow
He hugged her so hard
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

Jake was a boxer from Harrow
Who courted a lassie from Barrow
He hugged her so hard
She waved a red card
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

Jake was a boxer from Harrow
Who courted a lassie from Barrow
He hugged her so hard
She waved a red card
He'd crushed her bones to the marrow.

There was a young lass from Dalmilling

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

There was a young lass from Dalmilling
And what she wouldn't do for a shilling...
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

There was a young lass from Dalmilling
And what she wouldn't do for a shilling...
Well, sad to relate
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

There was a young lass from Dalmilling
And what she wouldn't do for a shilling...
Well, sad to relate
She tried to ice skate
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

There was a young lass from Dalmilling
And what she wouldn't do for a shilling...
Well, sad to relate
She tried to ice skate
But she found falling down to be chilling.

An elderly gent from Milngavie
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

An elderly gent from Milngavie
Had a wife a wee bit too gabby
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

May-Cee,
I must confess to setting a trap to see who would fall into it.
I'm sorry to say it was you.
"Milngavie" is pronounced "Milguy" in Kelvinside and "Mulguy" elsewhere.
Were you to say she was "a wee bit too shy", your line would rhyme.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

An elderly gent from Milngavie
Had a wife a wee bit too sly
Much like a fella I know...
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


An elderly gent from Milngavie
Had a wife a wee bit too sly
Much like a fella I know...
Burlington Bertie from Bow

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Caro

An elderly gent from Milngavie
Had a wife a wee bit too sly
Much like a fella I know...
Burlington Bertie from Bow
Or Iago in Shakespeare, a spy.

[I don't usually add to an unknown British placename, not wanting to be mocked. The Britons have no idea of phonetics, I find.]

There once was a house on the Thames [I think everyone knows how Thames is pronounced]
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

There once was a house on the Thames
In a style which good taste condemns
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar

There once was a house on the Thames
In a style which good taste condemns
Being pseudo baroque
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

There once was a house on the Thames
In a style which good taste condemns
Being pseudo baroque
In truth, what a crock!
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar

There once was a house on the Thames
In a style which good taste condemns
Being pseudo baroque
In truth, what a crock!
And the least of its architectural gems!
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar

When Willie proposed marriage to Meg
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

When Willie proposed marriage to Meg
He did it while eating an egg
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


When Willie proposed marriage to Meg
He did it while eating an egg
But Oh! the disgrace

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

When Willie proposed marriage to Meg
He did it while eating an egg
But Oh! the disgrace
'Twas all over the place
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Caro

When Willie proposed marriage to Meg
He did it while eating an egg
But Oh! the disgrace
'Twas all over the place
All he could do then was beg.

So Meg then was forced to forgive

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

So Meg then was forced to forgive
She believed in live and let live
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

So Meg then was forced to forgive
She believed in live and let live
But not live with Willie
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

So Meg then was forced to forgive
She believed in live and let live
But not live with Willie
Who's a bit silly
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

So Meg then was forced to forgive
She believed in live and let live
But not live with Willie
Who's a bit silly
Not to mention an out-and-out spiv.

There was an old man from Dunblane
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

There was an old man from Dunblane
Loved Westerns, his fave was "Shane"
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar

There was an old man from Dunblane
Loved Westerns, his fave was "Shane"
Which he watched all the time
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

There was an old man from Dunblane
Loved Westerns, his fave was "Shane"
Which he watched all the time
'Cos he thought it sublime
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

here was an old man from Dunblane
Loved Westerns, his fave was "Shane"
Which he watched all the time
'Cos he thought it sublime
Then he saw it again and again

My favourite film's Casablanca
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

My favourite film's Casablanca
Once saw it on a plane to Sri Lanka
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

My favourite film's Casablanca
Once saw it on a plane to Sri Lanka
When we got to Colombo
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

My favourite film's Casablanca
Once saw it on a plane to Sri Lanka
When we got to Colombo
I met Dalton Trumbo
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

My favourite film's Casablanca
Once saw it on a plane to Sri Lanka
When we got to Colombo
I met Dalton Trumbo
Who was with his girlfriend, Bianca

An ageing rock star named Benny

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

An ageing rock star named Benny
Thought to put on a gig at Kilkenny
Edited by Douglas, Aug 7 2017, 11:49 AM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

An ageing rock star named Benny
Thought to put on a gig at Kilkenny
But no drugs or booze




* Kilkenny is my dad's home town. I live in Dublin but Kilkenny is the county I cheer on in all the Gaelic sports.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

An ageing rock star named Benny
Thought to put on a gig at Kilkenny
But no drugs or booze
And old rockers a-snooze
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

An ageing rock star named Benny
Thought to put on a gig at Kilkenny
But no drugs or booze
And old rockers a-snooze
But groupies are still two a penny!


She wouldn't like that last gag, Germaine Greer
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

She wouldn't like that last gag, Germaine Greer
Her reaction would be quite severe
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
May-Cee

She wouldn't like that last gag, Germaine Greer
Her reaction would be quite severe
But she's a good-natured sport
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

She wouldn't like that last gag, Germaine Greer
Her reaction would be quite severe
But she's a good-natured sport
She'll not take you to court
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

She wouldn't like that last gag, Germaine Greer
Her reaction would be quite severe
But she's a good-natured sport
She'll not take you to court
If you promise to buy her a beer


Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

An eccentric old person from Harrow
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

An eccentric old person from Harrow
Would sleep curled up in a barrow
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

An eccentric old person from Harrow
Would sleep curled up in a barrow
When he awoke
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

An eccentric old person from Harrow
Would sleep curled up in a barrow
When he awoke
He found, as a joke,
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

An eccentric old person from Harrow
Would sleep curled up in a barrow
When he awoke
He found, as a joke,
He was nursing a vegetable marrow

His Worship the Mayor of East Cheam
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

His Worship the Mayor of East Cheam
Had a fondness for peaches and cream
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Caro

His Worship the Mayor of East Cheam
Had a fondness for peaches and cream
He filled up his plate
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Douglas
Member Avatar

His Worship the Mayor of East Cheam
Had a fondness for peaches and cream
He filled up his plate
But then had to wait
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

His Worship the Mayor of East Cheam
Had a fondness for peaches and cream
He filled up his plate
But then had to wait
So long for a spoon that he started to scream

I've decided to go on a cruise
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
Go to Next Page
« Previous Topic · Mornington Crescent · Next Topic »
Add Reply