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Limericks
Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 09:07 AM (34,814 Views)
caissier
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waiting4atickle

Yesterday, 10:44 PM IP: 86.28.198.150 ยท Post #3467








Posts:6,484Group:MembersMember#12Joined:Jul 11, 2011



There was an old hero called Ajax
who certainly lived life to the max
His fighting was mythic
His muscles terrythic
From the years he'd spent building haystacks.


Now they're gunning for poor old Brock


Edited by caissier, Sep 18 2012, 09:08 AM.
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waiting4atickle
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There once was an Easter bunny
Chocolate put fear in her tummy
And the mad March hare

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May-Cee

There once was an Easter bunny
Chocolate put fear in her tummy
And the mad March hare
Made a point that was fair
"Why do they pick on us, Mummy?"




Not too fond of meat but love pork
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Rikiiboy
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Not too fond of meat but love pork
When it's tenderly cooked to the fork
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Mobson
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Not too fond of meat but love pork
When it's tenderly cooked to the fork
It melts in the mouth
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dai Cottomy
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Not too fond of meat but love pork
When it's tenderly cooked to the fork
It melts in the mouth
Makes its way down south
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May-Cee

Not too fond of meat but love pork
When it's tenderly cooked to the fork
It melts in the mouth
Makes its way down south
I'm easily pleased, being a dork


In Dublin, big Easter Parade
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Mobson
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Feels like there's something missing from this opening line so I've added words! <whistles>


In Dublin, at the big Easter Parade
I saw a man kissing a young maid
Edited by Mobson, Apr 3 2018, 11:27 AM.
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waiting4atickle
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One of the rare occasions when May-Cee conforms with limerick convention and you go and change it, Mobs. <steam>

I'm gonna change it some more.


At the Dublin Easter Parade
I saw a man kiss a young maid
An Irish uprising

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Mobson
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Ooooooh you devil you! <devi>;;

At the Dublin Easter Parade
I saw a man kiss a young maid
An Irish uprising
Considered chastising
Edited by Mobson, Apr 3 2018, 11:08 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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At the Dublin Easter Parade
I saw a man kiss a young maid
An Irish uprising
Considered chastising
With a slap round the face, I'm afraid.


Magnolias are starting to bloom


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dai Cottomy
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Magnolias are starting to bloom
Daffodils bedecking my room
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Caro

Magnolias are starting to bloom
Daffodils bedecking my room
It must be your spring [not here: it's autumn, though we have had lovely summery weathery, changing today, just in time for my son coming from England for about two weeks]
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Douglas
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Magnolias are starting to bloom
Daffodils bedecking my room
It must be your spring
Just hear the birds sing
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waiting4atickle
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Magnolias are starting to bloom
Daffodils bedecking my room
It must be your spring
Just hear the birds sing
All these things will help lift the gloom.


A green-fingered fellow from Kew

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Mobson
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A green-fingered fellow from Kew
Whose name nobody really knew
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waiting4atickle
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A green-fingered fellow from Kew
Whose name nobody really knew
Was made to wear gloves

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dai Cottomy
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A green-fingered fellow from Kew
Whose name nobody really knew
Was made to wear gloves
When handling doves
Edited by dai Cottomy, Apr 7 2018, 06:01 PM.
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Caro

A green-fingered fellow from Kew
Whose name nobody really knew
Was made to wear gloves
When handling doves
His choice was a beautiful blue.

A spiteful young woman of Nice
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Douglas
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A spiteful young woman of Nice
Was charged with 'breach of the peace'
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Mobson
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A spiteful young woman of Nice
Was charged with 'breach of the peace'
She cursed and blasphemed
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Douglas
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A spiteful young woman of Nice
Was charged with 'breach of the peace'
She cursed and blasphemed
She bellowed and screamed
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dai Cottomy
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A spiteful young woman of Nice
Was charged with 'breach of the peace'
She cursed and blasphemed
She bellowed and screamed
Until her father shouted"cease!"


Whereupon she started to cry
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Mobson
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Whereupon she started to cry
Proclaiming she wanted to die
Edited by Mobson, Apr 9 2018, 06:46 PM.
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Douglas
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Whereupon she started to cry
Proclaiming she wanted to die
But after a while
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waiting4atickle
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Whereupon she started to cry
Proclaiming she wanted to die
But after a while
She started to smile

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dai Cottomy
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Whereupon she started to cry
Proclaiming she wanted to die
But after a while
She started to smile
Allowing her teardrops to dry
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dai Cottomy
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A handsome young chap from the West
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Caro

A handsome young chap from the West
Would strut and display his fine chest
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May-Cee

A handsome young chap from the West
Would strut and display his fine chest
A dead ringer for Dean
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Douglas
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A handsome young chap from the West
Would strut and display his fine chest
A dead ringer for Dean
(Who on earth do you mean?)
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May-Cee

A handsome young chap from the West
Would strut and display his fine chest
A dead ringer for Dean
(Who on earth do you mean?)
James - keep up with the rest!


I myself have a bit of Moreau*


It's true; we share the full-lipped feature where our mouth goes down at the edge, and makes us look moody when we're actually happy.
Me and Jeanne; what can you do?
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waiting4atickle
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I myself have a bit of Moreau
Which I'm planning to auction, although

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dai Cottomy
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I myself have a bit of Moreau
Which I'm planning to auction, although
She's been dead for a while
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Douglas
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I myself have a bit of Moreau
Which I'm planning to auction, although
She's been dead for a while
But she really had style
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May-Cee

I myself have a bit of Moreau
Which I'm planning to auction, although
She's been dead for a while
But she really had style
In Paris, the chic girl to go


I'm really more Velma, "Scooby-Doo"
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Mobson
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I'm really more Velma, "Scooby-Doo"
More Double Dutch than Kanga-roo
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Caro

I'm really more Velma, "Scooby-Doo"
More Double Dutch than Kanga-roo
A bit of a comic
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Douglas
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I'm really more Velma, "Scooby-Doo"
More Double Dutch than Kanga-roo
A bit of a comic
In need of a tonic
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waiting4atickle
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I'm really more Velma, "Scooby-Doo"
More Double Dutch than Kanga-roo
A bit of a comic
In need of a tonic
I think I'll opt for a vindaloo.


There was an old woman of Wapping

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Mobson
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There was an old woman of Wapping
With a penchant for internet shopping

Edited by Mobson, Apr 21 2018, 03:22 AM.
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Douglas
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There was an old woman of Wapping
With a penchant for internet shopping
She preferred her lap-top
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dai Cottomy
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There was an old woman of Wapping
With a penchant for internet shopping
She preferred her lap-top
To the local poiund shop
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Douglas
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There was an old woman of Wapping
With a penchant for internet shopping
She preferred her lap-top
To the local pound shop
I don't think she'll ever be stopping.

An indigent cleric from Ealing
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Mobson
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An indigent cleric from Ealing
Tried making himself more appealing
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waiting4atickle
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An indigent cleric from Ealing
Tried making himself more appealing
By wearing a hat

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Douglas
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An indigent cleric from Ealing
Tried making himself more appealing
By wearing a hat
And a flashy cravat
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dai Cottomy
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An indigent cleric from Ealing
Tried making himself more appealing
By wearing a hat
And a flashy cravat
As on his bike he went freewheeling

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dai Cottomy
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A gentleman farmer from Leigh
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waiting4atickle
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A gentleman farmer from Leigh
(Near Manchester, not Leigh-on-Sea)

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Douglas
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A gentleman farmer from Leigh
(Near Manchester, not Leigh-on-Sea)
Grew acres of sprouts
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Mobson
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A gentleman farmer from Leigh
(Near Manchester, not Leigh-on-Sea)
Grew acres of sprouts
Along with doubts
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Caro

A gentleman farmer from Leigh
(Near Manchester, not Leigh-on-Sea)
Grew acres of sprouts
Along with doubts
But the cash from them gave him much glee.

A young girl who suffered from hives







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Mobson
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A young girl who suffered from hives
Brought on by an allergy to chives
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Douglas
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A young girl who suffered from hives
Brought on by an allergy to chives
When offered a diet
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dai Cottomy
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A young girl who suffered from hives
Brought on by an allergy to chives
When offered a diet
She said "Oh,be quiet!"
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Mobson
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A young girl who suffered from hives
Brought on by an allergy to chives
When offered a diet
She said "Oh,be quiet!"
"Don't interfere in other peoples lives"
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Mobson
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There was an old man from Peru
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waiting4atickle
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There was an old man from Peru
Who climbed mountains to look at the view


(Grace-3 is in Peru at the moment)

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dai Cottomy
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There was an old man from Peru
Who climbed mountains to look at the view
But all he could see
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Mobson
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Grace-3...that's cool ticks...

There was an old man from Peru
Who climbed mountains to look at the view
But all he could see
From his tiny teepee
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dai Cottomy
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There was an old man from Peru
Who climbed mountains to look at the view
But all he could see
From his tiny teepee
Was a flock of pink cockatoo


A deep sea diver from Norwich


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Mobson
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A deep sea diver from Norwich
Stayed healthy eating porridge
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Douglas
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A deep sea diver from Norwich
Stayed healthy eating porridge
He made it with salt
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Mobson
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A deep sea diver from Norwich
Stayed healthy eating porridge
He made it with salt
T'was how he was taught
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dai Cottomy
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A deep sea diver from Norwich
Stayed healthy eating porridge
He made it with salt
T'was how he was taught
Also it's better than forage







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Mobson
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Waiting for a line Dai...
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dai Cottomy
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I think that I'm a lucky guy
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Douglas
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I think that I'm a lucky guy
Not just 'cos I'm called 'dai'
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Mobson
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I think that I'm a lucky guy
Not just 'cos I'm called 'dai'
Life's been good
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dai Cottomy
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I think that I'm a lucky guy
Not just 'cos I'm called 'dai'
Life's been good
(I'd better touch wood)
Edited by dai Cottomy, May 2 2018, 05:17 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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I think that I'm a lucky guy
Not just 'cos I'm called 'dai'
Life's been good
(I'd better touch wood)
Now I'm off for a pint 'cos I'm dry
Edited by dai Cottomy, May 2 2018, 05:17 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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A pusillaminous person from Deal
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Caro

A pusillaminous person from Deal
Was afraid to go out for a meal
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Mobson
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A pusillaminous person from Deal
Was afraid to go out for a meal
So he never ate out
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dai Cottomy
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A pusillaminous person from Deal
Was afraid to go out for a meal
So he never ate out
Lived on turnips and stout
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Douglas
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A pusillaminous person from Deal
Was afraid to go out for a meal
So he never ate out
Lived on turnips and stout
Even though that was hardly ideal.


There was an old man from Devizes
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Mobson
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There was an old man from Devizes
Who was having to attend the Assizes
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Caro

There was an old man from Devizes
Who was having to attend the Assizes
He travelled the route
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Mobson
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There was an old man from Devizes
Who was having to attend the Assizes
He travelled the route
Whilst playing his flute
Edited by Mobson, May 7 2018, 09:13 AM.
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Caro

There was an old man from Devizes
Who was having to attend the Assizes
He travelled the route
Whilst playing his flute
"But I've gone off the road," he relizes. (realises)

A lady obsessed by romance

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Douglas
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A lady obsessed by romance
Was trying her luck while in France
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waiting4atickle
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A lady obsessed by romance
Was trying her luck while in France
She met a trendsetter

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Douglas
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A lady obsessed by romance
Was trying her luck while in France
She met a trendsetter
Who thought he knew better
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Mobson
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A lady obsessed by romance
Was trying her luck while in France
She met a trendsetter
Who thought he knew better
But she threw him completely off balance!
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Mobson
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When Helene gave birth to quads
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dai Cottomy
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Mobson
May 9 2018, 01:48 PM
When Helene gave birth to quads

When Helene gave birth to quads
The first thing she said was"ye gods!"
Edited by dai Cottomy, May 9 2018, 04:56 PM.
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Douglas
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When Helene gave birth to quads
The first thing she said was"ye gods!"
"If it had only been two
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Mobson
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When Helene gave birth to quads
The first thing she said was"ye gods!"
"If it had only been two
I'd know what to do"
Edited by Mobson, May 9 2018, 06:06 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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When Helene gave birth to quads
The first thing she said was"ye gods!"
"If it had only been two
I'd know what to do
But with four I don't fancy the odds."


The midwife was all in a tizzy

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Caro

The midwife was all in a tizzy
Her life was incredibly busy
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Douglas
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The midwife was all in a tizzy
Her life was incredibly busy
What with this one and that
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dai Cottomy
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The midwife was all in a tizzy
Her life was incredibly busy
What with this one and that
She put on her hat
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Douglas
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The midwife was all in a tizzy
Her life was incredibly busy
What with this one and that
She put on her hat
And said that the stress made her dizzy.

As she cycled away on her bike
Edited by Douglas, May 10 2018, 03:42 PM.
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Mobson
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As she cycled away on her bike
She knew she was in for a hike
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Douglas
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As she cycled away on her bike
She knew she was in for a hike
The hills were so steep
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dai Cottomy
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As she cycled away on her bike
She knew she was in for a hike
The hills were so steep
She began to weep
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Douglas
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As she cycled away on her bike
She knew she was in for a hike
The hills were so steep
She began to weep
For her feelings had turned to dislike.

She decided she'd buy a wee car
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Caro

She decided she'd buy a wee car
That would take her both nearby and far
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Mobson
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She decided she'd buy a wee car
That would take her both nearby and far
A driving test first
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Douglas
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She decided she'd buy a wee car
That would take her both nearby and far
A driving test first
But then a tyre burst
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