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Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 12:55 PM (26,600 Views)
dai Cottomy
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waiting4atickle Yesterday, 1:36 PM Post #2792



It's awful, the lies that we tell
And maybe we'll all go to Hell
So always tell the Truth
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tafkaj

It's awful, the lies that we tell,
And maybe we'll all go to Hell;
So always tell the Truth
---------------------------
And all manner of things shall be well.
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waiting4atickle
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It's awful, the lies that we tell,
And maybe we'll all go to Hell;
So always tell the Truth
And drink the best vermouth
And all manner of things shall be well.



---------------------------
---------------------------
She took off her top
------------------
---------------------------


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Mobson
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When the acrobat got caught in the wire
---------------------------
She took off her top
------------------
---------------------------
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dai Cottomy
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When the acrobat got caught in the wire
---------------------------
She took off her top
------------------
And the clown went berserk with desire
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Norm Deplume
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When the acrobat got caught in the wire
---------------------------
She took off her top
Her boobs went flip-flop
And the clown went berserk with desire
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Caro

When the acrobat got caught in the wire
And things looked a little bit dire
She took off her top
Her boobs went flip-flop
And the clown went berserk with desire


----------------------------------
----------------------------------
With lust in his heart
-----------------
----------------------------------
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Norm Deplume
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----------------------------------
----------------------------------
With lust in his heart
could not help, but to fart
----------------------------------

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Mobson
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oh dear - the fart appears again! <comet>


The Clown, usually a cheerful fella,
--------------------------------------------
With lust in his heart
could not help, but to fart
--------------------------------------------
Edited by Mobson, Sep 21 2012, 08:44 AM.
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tafkaj

The Clown, usually a cheerful fella,
--------------------------------------------
With lust in his heart
Could not help, but to fart
The tune of a song by Paul Weller
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dai Cottomy
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The Clown, usually a cheerful fella,
Loved the trapezist called Isabella
With lust in his heart
Could not help, but to fart
The tune of a song by Paul Weller


She rejected his advances
--------------------------
----------------
----------------
--------------------------



Edited by dai Cottomy, Sep 21 2012, 11:51 AM.
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waiting4atickle
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She rejected his advances
--------------------------
----------------
And burst into tears
--------------------------

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Norm Deplume
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She rejected his advances
--------------------------
----------------
----------------
She could not afford to take chances


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dai Cottomy
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She rejected his advances
--------------------------
Then had a few beers
and burst into tears
She could not afford to take chances
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Caro

She rejected his advances
But gave him sly wee glances
Then had a few beers
and burst into tears
She could not afford to take chances


The babe born on Sunday is Peter
---------------------------------
--------------------
--------------------
----------------------------------

[I don't think I have told you about my new grandson. He is now six days old.)
Edited by Caro, Sep 21 2012, 09:54 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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The babe born on Sunday is Peter
---------------------------------
--------------------
--------------------
I'm convinced they don't come any sweeter

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waiting4atickle
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The babe born on Sunday is Peter (Congratulations, Caro <bubbly> )
Let us wet his head with a litre <cheers!>
--------------------
--------------------
I'm convinced they don't come any sweeter

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Norm Deplume
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The babe born on Sunday is Peter (Congratulations, Caro )
Let us wet his head with a litre
He's cuddly and cute
------------------
I'm convinced they don't come any sweeter

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Norm Deplume
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The babe born on Sunday is Peter (Congratulations, Caro )
Let us wet his head with a litre
He's cuddly and cute
And a real Choochy-Beaut
I'm convinced they don't come any sweeter



My babies are middle-aged now
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waiting4atickle
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My babies are middle-aged now
And well-versed in the ways of the Tao
-----------------------
-----------------------
---------------------------------------


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Norm Deplume
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My babies are middle-aged now
And well-versed in the ways of the Tao
They stay on their course
-----------------------
---------------------------------------

Edited by Norm Deplume, Sep 24 2012, 12:41 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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My babies are middle-aged now
And well-versed in the ways of the Tao
They stay on their course
And show no remorse
---------------------------------------

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Caro

My babies are middle-aged now
And well-versed in the ways of the Tao
They stay on their course
And show no remorse
Not even when talking of Mao.


My elbow was kicked by a calf
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dai Cottomy
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My elbow was kicked by a calf
Yes it hurt, I forbid you to laugh
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waiting4atickle
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My elbow was kicked by a calf
Yes it hurt, I forbid you to laugh
---------------------
And called it a cow
-------------------------------

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Caro

My elbow was kicked by a calf
Yes it hurt, I forbid you to laugh
I shouted "Ow, Ow",
And called it a cow
-------------------------------

(It certainly did hurt and still does if I hold my arm the wrong way or try to lift anything.)
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Norm Deplume
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My elbow was kicked by a calf
Yes it hurt, I forbid you to laugh
I shouted "Ow, Ow",
And called it a cow
Then went home and laid in a balf


...................................................
The water was soothing and warm
.....................
....................
..............................................
Edited by Norm Deplume, Sep 25 2012, 01:57 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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So I soaked in the bath at "Chez Norm"
The water was soothing and warm
....................
....................
..............................................
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Mobson
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So I soaked in the bath at "Chez Norm"
The water was soothing and warm
........................................
Will he come scrub my back?
.........................................................
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Norm Deplume
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So I soaked in the bath at "Chez Norm"
The water was soothing and warm
........................................
Will he come scrub my back?
"Course I will, B'fore I go to my dorm"
Edited by Norm Deplume, Sep 25 2012, 08:55 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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Rhyme's gone a bit astray there, Norm
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Norm Deplume
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Corrected Dai, with my apologies.
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Caro

So I soaked in the bath at "Chez Norm"
The water was soothing and warm
But I missed my good Jack.
Will he come scrub my back?
"Course I will, B'fore I go to my dorm."



----------------------------
----------------------------
They're yellow and bright
-----------------
----------------------------


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Norm Deplume
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Went shopping , down in the Mall
----------------------------
They're yellow and bright
-----------------
----------------------------
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waiting4atickle
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Went shopping , down in the Mall
----------------------------
They're yellow and bright
-----------------
In fact, they are simply too small.

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Norm Deplume
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Went shopping , down in the Mall
Bought trousers, thought they were a ball
they're yellow and bright
-----------------
In fact, they are simply too small.

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waiting4atickle
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Went shopping , down in the Mall
Bought trousers, thought they were a ball
they're yellow and bright
But seem a bit tight -
In fact, they are simply too small.



---------------------------------
---------------------------------
Maybe this time I'll win
------------------
---------------------------------

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Norm Deplume
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The darts team were honing their arrows
---------------------------------
Maybe this time I'll win
------------------
---------------------------------

Edited by Norm Deplume, Sep 26 2012, 05:49 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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The darts team were honing their arrows
And plucking the feathers from sparrows
Maybe this time I'll win
------------------
---------------------------------

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Caro

Went shopping , down in the Mall
----------------------------
They're yellow and bright
So tiny and light
In fact, they are simply too small.
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waiting4atickle
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<whistles>

(Whistling up a Norm.)


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Mobson
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The darts team were honing their arrows
And plucking the feathers from sparrows
Maybe this time I'll win
fuelled up with a gin
---------------------------------
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dai Cottomy
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The darts team were honing their arrows
And plucking the feathers from sparrows
Maybe this time I'll win
fuelled up with a gin
Then I'll go and water my marrows


You need to stay alert in this game
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Norm Deplume
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You need to stay alert in this game
....................................................
......................
.....................
Or the buggers will put you to shame
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waiting4atickle
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You need to stay alert in this game
....................................................
......................
And keep your eyes peeled
Or the buggers will put you to shame

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Caro

You need to stay alert in this game
Or a Norm they'll be so quick to claim
......................
And keep your eyes peeled
Or the buggers will put you to shame
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Norm Deplume
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You need to stay alert in this game
Or a Norm they'll be so quick to claim
Be first on the field
And keep your eyes peeled
Or the buggers will put you to shame



It's Harvest with all the crops ripe











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waiting4atickle
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It's Harvest with all the crops ripe
----------------------------
-----------------
-----------------
But there's ice on the overflow pipe.

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dai Cottomy
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It's Harvest with all the crops ripe
I've got onions to go with the tripe
-----------------
-----------------
But there's ice on the overflow pipe.
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tafkaj

It's Harvest, with all the crops ripe -
I've got onions to go with the tripe,
And parsnips for stew
-----------------
But there's ice on the overflow pipe.
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dai Cottomy
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It's Harvest, with all the crops ripe -
I've got onions to go with the tripe,
And parsnips for stew
And blackberries too
But there's ice on the overflow pipe


My doc says that I need a flu jab
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Mobson
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My doc says that I need a flu jab
..............................................
...........
...........
Then I'll treat myself to a kebab
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Norm Deplume
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My doc says that I need a flu jab
To get one, they'll have to fight flab
...........
...........
Then I'll treat myself to a kebab
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dai Cottomy
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My doc says that I need a flu jab
To get one, they'll have to fight flab
I'll just get on my bike
...........
Then I'll treat myself to a kebab
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Norm Deplume
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My doc says that I need a flu jab
To get one, they'll have to fight flab
I'll just get on my bike
And I'll bravely endure that spike
Then I'll treat myself to a kebab



I've had my flu jab,. Didn't hurt!
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Mobson
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<ok> had mine on Thurs! <wink>


I've had my flu jab,. Didn't hurt!
Hardly had time to remove my shirt
Edited by Mobson, Sep 29 2012, 07:28 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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I've had my flu jab,. Didn't hurt!
Hardly had time to remove my shirt
The nurse held my hand
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Mobson
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I've had my flu jab,. Didn't hurt!
Hardly had time to remove my shirt
The nurse held my hand
after tightening a band
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dai Cottomy
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I've had my flu jab,. Didn't hurt!
Hardly had time to remove my shirt
The nurse held my hand
after tightening a band
Then we had one minute to flirt

My dentist's a lively young chap
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Norm Deplume
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My dentist's a lively young chap
..................................................
...................
................
But boy, how he does love to yap
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Norm Deplume
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My dentist's a lively young chap
When he's working, he sits on your lap
...................
................
But boy, how he does love to yap
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dai Cottomy
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My dentist's a lively young chap
He's very good at filling the gap
...................
................
But boy, how he does love to yap
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waiting4atickle
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My dentist's a lively young chap
He's very good at filling the gap
...................
May give you a thrill
But boy, how he does love to yap
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Mobson
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My dentist's a lively young chap
He's very good at filling the gap
What he does with his drill
May give you a thrill
But boy, how he does love to yap
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Mobson
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His dental nurse Suzie is fun
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dai Cottomy
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His dental nurse Suzie is fun
She does her hair up in a bun
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Mobson
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His dental nurse Suzie is fun
She does her hair up in a bun
..........................
Shows how to floss
............................................
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Caro

His dental nurse Suzie is fun
She does her hair up in a bun
..........................
Shows how to floss,
Now of fillings I hope to have none.
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dai Cottomy
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His dental nurse Suzie is fun
She does her hair up in a bun
Looks like Kate Moss
Shows how to floss,
Now of fillings I hope to have none.


As I went for a stroll in the park
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Norm Deplume
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As I went for a stroll in the park
In the lake, there appeared a large shark
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dai Cottomy
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As I went for a stroll in the park
In the lake, there appeared a large shark
I tossed it some bread
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Norm Deplume
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As I went for a stroll in the park
In the lake, there appeared a large shark
I tossed it some bread
But it just shook its head
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Norm Deplume
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As I went for a stroll in the park
In the lake, there appeared a large shark
I tossed it some bread
But it just shook its head
And said, "Oy mate, You 'avin a lark"


A crafty young man from Northampton
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dai Cottomy
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A crafty young man from Northampton
Thought he'd make a meal out of plankton
--------------------------------
--------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------
Edited by dai Cottomy, Oct 4 2012, 02:22 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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A crafty young man from Northampton
Thought he'd make a meal out of plankton
He topped and tailed 'em
--------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------
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dai Cottomy
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A crafty young man from Northampton
Thought he'd make a meal out of plankton
He topped and tailed 'em
Then packed and mailed 'em
-----------------------------------------
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Caro

A crafty young man from Northampton
Thought he'd make a meal out of plankton
He topped and tailed 'em
Then packed and mailed 'em
As quick as he could to Jean Shrampton.


-------------------------------
Took liberties with names here and there
------------------
------------------
-------------------------------
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dai Cottomy
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Dear rhymesters you'd better beware
Took liberties with names here and there
------------------
------------------
-------------------------------
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Caro

Dear rhymesters you'd better beware
Took liberties with names here and there
------------------
------------------
But in limericks everything is fair.
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waiting4atickle
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Dear rhymesters you'd better beware
Took liberties with names here and there
------------------
And such sentiments vile
But in limericks everything is fair.
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Norm Deplume
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Dear rhymesters you'd better beware
Took liberties with names here and there
Simply lacking in style
And such sentiments vile
But in limericks everything is fair.


The Green-eyed Goddess of Wigan






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waiting4atickle
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The Green-eyed Goddess of Wigan
Had a chip on her shoulder - a big 'un
-----------------------
-----------------------
-------------------------------------
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dai Cottomy
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The Green-eyed Goddess of Wigan
Had a chip on her shoulder - a big 'un
She felt too bulky
-----------------------
-------------------------------------
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waiting4atickle
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The Green-eyed Goddess of Wigan
Had a chip on her shoulder - a big 'un
She felt too bulky
Which made her quite sulky
-------------------------------------

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Rikiiboy
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The Green-eyed Goddess of Wigan
Had a chip on her shoulder - a big 'un
She felt too bulky
Which made her quite sulky
When wedged in her Renault Megane.

A silly old biddy from Reading
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waiting4atickle
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A silly old biddy from Reading
Unaware of the lies she was spreading
----------------
----------------
---------------------------

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dai Cottomy
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A silly old biddy from Reading
Unaware of the lies she was spreading
By posting on Twitter
----------------
---------------------------

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Mobson
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A silly old biddy from Reading
Unaware of the lies she was spreading
By posting on Twitter
----------------
by naming who her neighbour was bedding
Edited by Mobson, Oct 8 2012, 11:23 PM.
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Caro

A silly old biddy from Reading
Unaware of the lies she was spreading
By posting on Twitter
She had them a-jitter
by naming who her neighbour was bedding


----------------------------------
----------------------------------
-------------------
Were all gobbled up
----------------------------------
Edited by Caro, Oct 9 2012, 05:31 AM.
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Mobson
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The affair was an uproarious scandal
----------------------------------
-------------------
Were all gobbled up
----------------------------------
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dai Cottomy
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The affair was an uproarious scandal
It made me fly off the handle
-------------------
Were all gobbled up
----------------------------------
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waiting4atickle
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The affair was an uproarious scandal
It made me fly off the handle
The eggs in their cup
Were all gobbled up
----------------------------------

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Mobson
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The affair was an uproarious scandal
It made me fly off the handle
The eggs in their cup
Were all gobbled up
By those notorious Aussies, Nancy Vandal!
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Mobson
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They were the Hard Axe To Follow
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waiting4atickle
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Your knowledge of Australian punk bands is a revelation, Mobs.

They were the Hard Axe To Follow
When performing at the Apollo
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--------------------
------------------------------


Edited by waiting4atickle, Oct 9 2012, 10:40 PM.
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Mobson
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<haloa> Gotta keep it interesting ticks!....love a bit of Aussie Punk action - just look at their band names.... <cool>

Fox Trotsky (Mike Foxall) - guitar/vocals
JJ La Moore (Jeff Moore) - guitar/bass
Bombshell/Tommy Lee Turnip/Mr. Shit/So Cal Snuffel (Dean Bakota)
Marcus "Rolfe" Rolfe - bass/vocals
Jason Jasonn Beers (Jay Whalley) - bass/vocals
Tess/Lickerov Finetesticals/T.Force/T-Bone/T-Banger/T-Burger/T-Man/T-Bag/T-Shirt (Robert Tickle) - trombone/keys
Gilli Pepper (Gillian Kilgour) - sax/vocals
Telaviv Skywalker (Genevieve Murray) - trumpet/vocals
Poofy Arse Bogun (Anna Helme) - sax



They were the Hard Axe To Follow
When performing at the Apollo
--------------------
Quite partial to rock
------------------------------
Edited by Mobson, Oct 10 2012, 09:30 AM.
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Caro

They were the Hard Axe To Follow
When performing at the Apollo
--------------------
Quite partial to rock
But their sound was, on the whole, hollow.
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Schrodinger's Cat
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They were the Hard Axe To Follow
When performing at the Apollo
Their drummer called Jock
Quite partial to rock
But their sound was, on the whole, hollow.
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Schrodinger's Cat
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---------------------------------
Whilst nibbling on a swede
--------------------
--------------------
----------------------------------
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waiting4atickle
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----------------------------------
----------------------------------
Whilst nibbling on a swede
My nose started to bleed
----------------------------------

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