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Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 12:55 PM (26,616 Views)
dai Cottomy
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waiting4atickle Yesterday, 1:36 PM Post #2792



It's awful, the lies that we tell
And maybe we'll all go to Hell
So always tell the Truth
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Rikiiboy
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"Full steam ahead!" said the skipper
Looking directly at Rita the Stripper
She took him at his word
And the last thing we heard
She fell victim to old Jack the Ripper.

-----------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
So who told you to let go?
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Mobson
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--------------------------------
--------------------------------
He climbed to the top
-------------
So who told you to let go?
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Norm Deplume
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The yachts crew decided to row
--------------------------------
He climbed to the top
-------------
So who told you to let go?
Edited by Norm Deplume, Aug 1 2013, 03:45 PM.
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Mobson
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<hug> Norm - we finished that one and Rikiiboy's put up a new line in 1001....
Edited by Mobson, Aug 1 2013, 03:36 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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The yachts crew decided to row
Then one climbed the mainmast, quite slow
He climbed to the top
-------------
So who told you to let go?
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tafkaj

The yachts crew decided to row
Then one climbed the mainmast, quite slow
He climbed to the top
But then started to drop -
"So who told you to let go?"

************************************************

-------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
He's easily fooled
-----------------------------
-------------------------------------------
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Norm Deplume
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He was tricked into buying a Timeshare
-------------------------------------------
He's easily fooled
-----------------------------
-------------------------------------------
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tafkaj

He was tricked into buying a Timeshare,
A word f'rwhich he couldn't find a rhyme fair;
He's easily fooled
-----------------------------
-------------------------------------------
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Mobson
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He was tricked into buying a Timeshare,
A word f'rwhich he couldn't find a rhyme fair;
He's easily fooled
--------------------
But he's condemned to keeping it for ever
Edited by Mobson, Aug 5 2013, 10:15 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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He was tricked into buying a Timeshare,
A word f'rwhich he couldn't find a rhyme fair;
He's easily fooled
And poorly tooled
But he's condemned to keeping it for ever



I yearn to return to Sorrento
.
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dai Cottomy
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I yearn to return to Sorrento
It's nicer than the last place I went to
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Norm Deplume
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I yearn to return to Sorrento
It's nicer than the last place I went to
Gelato Suprema
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Mobson
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I yearn to return to Sorrento
It's nicer than the last place I went to
Gelato Suprema
is a nicer icer creama
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Norm Deplume
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I yearn to return to Sorrento
It's nicer than the last place I went to
Gelato Suprema
is a nicer icer creama
So who do I pay my car rent to?




Palm Springs is a place worth a visit
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Mobson
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Palm Springs is a place worth a visit
..................................................
............
............
'Tho its not as good as Las Vegas is it
Edited by Mobson, Aug 7 2013, 11:53 PM.
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Caro

Palm Springs is a place worth a visit
..................................................
Just hire a resort
............
'Tho its not as good as Las Vegas is it
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dai Cottomy
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Palm Springs is a place worth a visit
If you're round that way,try not to miss it
Just hire a resort
............
'Tho its not as good as Las Vegas is it
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tafkaj

Palm Springs is a place worth a visit
If you're round that way,try not to miss it
Just hire a resort
ANd a comely escort -
'Tho its not as good as Las Vegas is it?

*********************************************

-------------------------------------------
By turning on th'extractor fan
-----------------------------
-----------------------------
-------------------------------------------
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Mobson
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Trying to cool down my overheated nan
By turning on th'extractor fan
-----------------------------
-----------------------------
-------------------------------------------
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Norm Deplume
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Trying to cool down my overheated nan
By turning on th'extractor fan
-----------------------------
-----------------------------
Had to call the refrigerator man

Edited by Norm Deplume, Aug 13 2013, 04:26 PM.
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Mobson
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Trying to cool down my overheated nan
By turning on th'extractor fan
I shoved 'er in fridge
-----------------------------
Had to call the refrigerator man
Edited by Mobson, Aug 14 2013, 01:38 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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Trying to cool down my overheated nan
By turning on th'extractor fan
I shoved 'er in fridge
Where she was bitten by a midge
Had to call the refrigerator man



The refrigerator man was called Roger
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waiting4atickle
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The refrigerator man was called Roger
A crusty, curmudgeonly old codger
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Caro

The refrigerator man was called Roger
A crusty, curmudgeonly old codger
-----------------
-----------------
But at least not a dishonest dodger.
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Norm Deplume
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The refrigerator man was called Roger
A crusty, curmudgeonly old codger
His 'tool-kit' lacked tools
-----------------
But at least not a dishonest dodger.
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dai Cottomy
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The refrigerator man was called Roger
A crusty, curmudgeonly old codger
His 'tool-kit' lacked tools
For cleaning out pools
But at least not a dishonest dodger.


One day while mending a freezer
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Norm Deplume
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One day while mending a freezer
.................................................
...................
...................
By heck! What a silly old geyser
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Caro

One day while mending a freezer
.................................................
The water poured out
...................
By heck! What a silly old geyser
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Mobson
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One day while mending a freezer
.................................................
The water poured out
Help! he didn't shout out
By heck! What a silly old geyser
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dai Cottomy
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One day while mending a freezer
He was dressed as Julius Caesar
The water poured out
Help! he didn't shout out
By heck! What a silly old geyser


An accountant who hailed from Berlin
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Mobson
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An accountant who hailed from Berlin
Made no money so was incredibly thin
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Norm Deplume
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An accountant who hailed from Berlin
Made no money so was incredibly thin
Out of sheer desperation
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Norm Deplume
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An accountant who hailed from Berlin
Made no money so was incredibly thin
Out of sheer desperation
Gave in to temptation
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Mobson
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An accountant who hailed from Berlin
Made no money so was incredibly thin
Out of sheer desperation
Gave in to temptation
And stole rubbish out of a bin...

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

..........................................
...........................................
Decided he'd had enough
..................................
.................................................
Edited by Mobson, Aug 17 2013, 02:03 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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..........................................
...........................................
Decided he'd had enough
He emptied his navel of fluff
.................................................
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Mobson
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No luck with gambling or the Lotto
...........................................
Decided he'd had enough
He emptied his navel of fluff
.................................................
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Norm Deplume
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No luck with gambling or the Lotto
...........................................
Decided he'd had enough
He emptied his navel of fluff
And off he went and got himself blotto
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Rikiiboy
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No luck with gambling or the Lotto
And know when to give in's his motto
Decided he'd had enough
He emptied his navel of fluff
And off he went and got himself blotto.




-------------------------------------
--------------------------------------
--------------------------
--------------------------
That'll teach you to kick me.
Edited by Rikiiboy, Aug 20 2013, 11:07 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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-------------------------------------
I thought at the time you might trick me
--------------------------
--------------------------
That'll teach you to kick me.
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Mobson
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PC Plod - that'll teach you to nick me
I thought at the time you might trick me
--------------------------
--------------------------
That'll teach you to kick me.
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Norm Deplume
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PC Plod - that'll teach you to nick me
I thought at the time you might trick me
I know who you are
--------------------------
That'll teach you to kick me.
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Norm Deplume
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PC Plod - that'll teach you to nick me
I thought at the time you might trick me
I know who you are
and the make of your car
That'll teach you to kick me.


.......................................
...........................................
The game was a mess
..............................
.............................................
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Rikiiboy
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When the ref' showed Wally a red card
...........................................
The game was a mess
..............................
.............................................
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waiting4atickle
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When the ref' showed Wally a red card
...........................................
The game was a mess
And I'll give you one guess
.............................................

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Mobson
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When the ref' showed Wally a red card
...........................................
The game was a mess
And I'll give you one guess
In protest, his clothes Wally did discard
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Norm Deplume
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When the ref' showed Wally a red card
He came across as being quite hard
The game was a mess
And I'll give you one guess
In protest, his clothes Wally did discard


The flowers were a cascade of colour
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Mobson
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The flowers were a cascade of colour
..................................................
.........
.........
My attire couldn't be any duller
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Norm Deplume
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The flowers were a cascade of colour
Anything but a bland shade of pallor..... :wub:
.........
.........
My attire couldn't be any duller
Edited by Norm Deplume, Aug 30 2013, 05:27 PM.
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tafkaj

The flowers were a cascade of colour
Anything but a bland shade of pallor..... :wub:
From yellow to red
.........
My attire couldn't be any duller
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Norm Deplume
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The flowers were a cascade of colour
Anything but a bland shade of pallor..... :wub:
From yellow to red
Was it something I said?
My attire couldn't be any duller

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Norm Deplume
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"IN CASE OF DISASTER,BREAK GLASS"
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Mobson
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"IN CASE OF DISASTER, BREAK GLASS"
.........................................................
............
............
Don't turn an Emergency into a Farce...
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tafkaj

"IN CASE OF DISASTER, BREAK GLASS
WITH A KICK OR A SWING OF YOUR ARSE!"
............
............
Don't turn an Emergency into a Farce...
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Norm Deplume
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"IN CASE OF DISASTER, BREAK GLASS
WITH A KICK OR A SWING OF YOUR ARSE!"
Please do it now
............
Don't turn an Emergency into a Farce...

Edited by Norm Deplume, Sep 3 2013, 04:44 PM.
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Mobson
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"IN CASE OF DISASTER, BREAK GLASS
WITH A KICK OR A SWING OF YOUR ARSE!"
Please do it now
Any way, any how
Don't turn an Emergency into a Farce...
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Mobson
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Firefighter Fred was a burly old cuss


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dai Cottomy
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Firefighter Fred was a burly old cuss
He never sought to kick up a fuss
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Norm Deplume
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Firefighter Fred was a burly old cuss
He never sought to kick up a fuss
Out of character one day
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dai Cottomy
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Firefighter Fred was a burly old cuss
He never sought to kick up a fuss
Out of character one day
He was heard to say:
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Mobson
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Firefighter Fred was a burly old cuss
He never sought to kick up a fuss
Out of character one day
He was heard to say:
Wish I'd learned to drive a bus
Edited by Mobson, Sep 5 2013, 05:49 PM.
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Mobson
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Stinky Stan was a smooth operator
.................................................
........................
........................
..........................................
Edited by Mobson, Sep 5 2013, 05:51 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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Stinky Stan was a smooth operator
.................................................
........................
........................
"I am off out but I'll see you later"
Edited by Norm Deplume, Sep 5 2013, 06:36 PM.
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Mobson
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Stinky Stan was a smooth operator
An excellent criminal calculator
........................
........................
"I am off out but I'll see you later"
Edited by Mobson, Sep 6 2013, 11:49 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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Stinky Stan was a smooth operator
An excellent criminal calculator
When caught in the act
........................
"I am off out but I'll see you later"
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tafkaj

Stinky Stan was a smooth operator,
An excellent criminal calculator;
When caught in the act,
He'd say, with some tact:
"I am off out but I'll see you later."

********************************************

--------------------------------------------
And cardamom's just not my thing
------------------------------
------------------------------
--------------------------------------------
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Mobson
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The ghost chilli will definitely sting
And cardamom's just not my thing
------------------------------
------------------------------
--------------------------------------------
Edited by Mobson, Sep 7 2013, 01:44 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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The ghost chilli will definitely sting
And cardamom's just not my thing
------------------------------
------------------------------
I'll just deck myself out with my bling
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Norm Deplume
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The ghost chilli will definitely sting
And cardamom's just not my thing
------------------------------
And so, now and then
I'll just deck myself out with my bling
Edited by Norm Deplume, Sep 7 2013, 03:17 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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The ghost chilli will definitely sting
And cardamom's just not my thing
I've practised my Zen
And so, now and then
I'll just deck myself out with my bling



A chap with a girlfriend named Polly
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Mobson
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A chap with a girlfriend named Polly
Once defended her using his brolly
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Norm Deplume
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A chap with a girlfriend named Polly
Once defended her using his brolly
He jabbed the sharp end
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Mobson
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A chap with a girlfriend named Polly
Once defended her using his brolly
He jabbed the sharp end
...................................
T'was a nutter who'd gone off his trolley
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Norm Deplume
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A chap with a girlfriend named Polly
Once defended her using his brolly
He jabbed the sharp end
Where the sun would not bend
T'was a nutter who'd gone off his trolley

A friendly girl sailor called Lindy
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dai Cottomy
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A friendly girl sailor called Lindy
Had a boy friend from Rawalpindi
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waiting4atickle
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A friendly girl sailor called Lindy
Had a boy friend from Rawalpindi
--------------
--------------
Because he was simply too windy.

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dai Cottomy
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A friendly girl sailor called Lindy
Had a boy friend from Rawalpindi
He cooked her a curry
--------------
Because he was simply too windy.
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Norm Deplume
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A friendly girl sailor called Lindy
Had a boy friend from Rawalpindi
He cooked her a curry
But just could not hurry
Because he was simply too windy.


A cheeky young floozy from Staines
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Mobson
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A cheeky young floozy from Staines
...................................................
................
................
Seeking out men who owned their own planes
Edited by Mobson, Sep 13 2013, 11:23 AM.
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tafkaj

A cheeky young floozy from Staines
Was said to dry-cure monkey brains
................
................
Seeking out men who owned their own planes
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Norm Deplume
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A cheeky young floozy from Staines
Was said to dry-cure monkey brains
Then scattered them afar
................
Seeking out men who owned their own planes
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Mobson
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A cheeky young floozy from Staines
Was said to dry-cure monkey brains
Then scattered them afar
She then went to America
Seeking out men who owned their own planes
Edited by Mobson, Sep 16 2013, 01:53 PM.
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Mobson
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Fearful of avoiding attachment
Edited by Mobson, Sep 16 2013, 03:36 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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fearful of avoiding attachment
I looked up what "a good catch" meant
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tafkaj

Fearful of avoiding attachment,
I looked up what "a good catch" meant;
----------------------------
With a flyfishing rod
---------------------------------------------
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dai Cottomy
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Fearful of avoiding attachment,
I looked up what "a good catch" meant;
It wasn't a cod
With a flyfishing rod
---------------------------------------------
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tafkaj

Fearful of avoiding attachment,
I looked up what "a good catch" meant;
It wasn't a cod
With a flyfishing rod
But a trout with a sense of detachment.

********************************************

-------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------
So, naturally, it fell
--------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------
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waiting4atickle
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-------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------
So, naturally, it fell
To the man with the bell
-------------------------------------------------

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dai Cottomy
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oops, sorry tick


I looked round to see who had muttered
--------------------------------------
So, naturally, it fell
To the man with the bell
--------------------------------------
Edited by dai Cottomy, Sep 22 2013, 11:12 AM.
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waiting4atickle
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What happened to my line?

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dai Cottomy
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I looked round to see who had muttered
--------------------------------------
So, naturally, it fell
To the man with the bell
--------------------------------------
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Mobson
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I looked round to see who had muttered
--------------------------------------
So, naturally, it fell
To the man with the bell
Who wasn't mute but clearly stuttered
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Norm Deplume
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I looked round to see who had muttered
The obscene phrase that was uttered
So, naturally, it fell
To the man with the bell
Who wasn't mute but clearly stuttered




..................................................
Can't be sure but I think it went well
..................
................
..................................................
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Mobson
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..................................................
Can't be sure but I think it went well
..................
................
Although there was a very strange smell
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tafkaj

Had a meeting wi' Old Nick down in Hell -
Can't be sure but I think it went well
..................
................
Although there was a very strange smell
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Mobson
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Had a meeting wi' Old Nick down in Hell -
Can't be sure but I think it went well
We wheeled and we dealed
................
Although there was a very strange smell
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dai Cottomy
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Had a meeting wi' Old Nick down in Hell -
Can't be sure but I think it went well
We wheeled and we dealed
Our friendship we sealed
Although there was a very strange smell


I looked down, saw my trousers were burning
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Norm Deplume
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I looked down, saw my trousers were burning
It was right where I get that strange yearning
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Mobson
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I looked down, saw my trousers were burning
It was right where I get that strange yearning
...............
...............
T'was then that my stomach started churning




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Norm Deplume
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I looked down, saw my trousers were burning
It was right where I get that strange yearning
I looked down and saw
...............
T'was then that my stomach started churning


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Mobson
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I looked down, saw my trousers were burning
It was right where I get that strange yearning
I looked down and saw
A horrendous great claw
T'was then that my stomach started churning
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