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Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 12:55 PM (26,613 Views)
dai Cottomy
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waiting4atickle Yesterday, 1:36 PM Post #2792



It's awful, the lies that we tell
And maybe we'll all go to Hell
So always tell the Truth
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Norm Deplume
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.................................................
For the start of a Happy New Year
Just 3 days past
'Twas almost my last !!!
.................................................
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Mobson
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We're supposed to be full of good cheer
For the start of a Happy New Year
Just 3 days past
...................................
.................................................
Edited by Mobson, Jan 5 2014, 05:14 PM.
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chocster

We're supposed to be full of good cheer
For the start of a Happy New Year
Just 3 days past
I was aghast
Edited by chocster, Jan 5 2014, 11:16 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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We're supposed to be full of good cheer
For the start of a Happy New Year
Just 3 days past
I was aghast
To find Santa drinking my beer



The weather is wet and quite frightful
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tafkaj

[Assuming a first line, again ... !]

The weather is wet and quite frightful
-------------------------------------------
---------------------------
---------------------------
But his forecasts are always insightful.
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Norm Deplume
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[Assuming a first line, again ... !]--------------------------YES





The weather is wet and quite frightful
And hardly what we'd call delightful
---------------------------
---------------------------
But his forecasts are always insightful.
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chocster

The weather is wet and quite frightful
And hardly what we'd call delightful
-------------------------
The bookies flooded
But his forecasts are always insightful.
Edited by chocster, Jan 8 2014, 01:31 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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The weather is wet and quite frightful
And hardly what we'd call delightful
The ground is all muddied
The bookies flooded
But his forecasts are always insightful.




We're due for a spell of cold weather
Edited by Norm Deplume, Jan 11 2014, 11:17 AM.
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tafkaj

[Yet another first line, is it Norm ... ?!! <violin> ]

We're due for a spell of cold weather
------------------------------------------
----------------------------------
----------------------------------
But won't be much good for the leather.
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Norm Deplume
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If it's not somewhere in the middle of dotted lines then it's OBVIOUSLY the FIRST LINE taf... <devi>;;
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dai Cottomy
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We're due for a spell of cold weather
I shall then reach the end of my tether
----------------------------------
----------------------------------
But won't be much good for the leather.
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Norm Deplume
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We're due for a spell of cold weather
I shall then reach the end of my tether
----------------------------------
Though I've donned my string vest
But won't be much good for the leather.
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tafkaj

We're due for a spell of cold weather
I shall then reach the end of my tether
I'm facing the west
Though I've donned my string vest
But won't be much good for the leather.

*********************************************

[This is how it's done, Norm ... ]

--------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------
But when he remembered
--------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------

[Just throw as a bone! ;) ]
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Norm Deplume
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<scared>


Is that a PEDANT I see before me?????
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chocster

--------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------
But when he remembered
What left was all furred
--------------------------------------------------
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tafkaj

Norm Deplume
Jan 14 2014, 04:28 PM
<scared>


Is that a PEDANT I see before me?????
I'm not sure - which way are you facing ... ? <laugh>


While cleaning his favourite kettle
--------------------------------------------------
But when he remembered
What was left was all furred
--------------------------------------------------
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Norm Deplume
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While cleaning his favourite kettle
Our man was in very fine fettle
But when he remembered
What was left was all furred
--------------------------------------------------
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Caro

While cleaning his favourite kettle
Our man was in very fine fettle
But when he remembered
What was left was all furred
It was a real test of his mettle.


-------------------------------
They say they're not used in the States
--------------------
--------------------
-------------------------------
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Norm Deplume
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-------------------------------
They say they're not used in the States
--------------------
--------------------
They wrapped them and put them in crates
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tafkaj

-------------------------------
They say they're not used in the States
Unlike in Britain
--------------------
They wrapped them and put them in crates
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Norm Deplume
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Although they're in desperate straits
They say they're not used in the States
Unlike in Britain
--------------------
They wrapped them and put them in crates

Edited by Norm Deplume, Jan 18 2014, 03:53 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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Although they're in desperate straits
They say they're not used in the States
Unlike in Britain
Where, so it's written,
They wrapped them and put them in crates


------------------------------
------------------------------
------------------
Then his trousers fell down
------------------------------


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Caro

------------------------------
------------------------------
------------------
Then his trousers fell down
And all was revealed in a flash.
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Norm Deplume
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The bank's ATM ran out of cash
------------------------------
------------------
Then his trousers fell down
And all was revealed in a flash.
Edited by Norm Deplume, Jan 21 2014, 11:14 AM.
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tafkaj

The bank's ATM ran out of cash
------------------------------
He spotted the clown
Then his trousers fell down
And all was revealed in a flash.
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chocster

The bank's ATM ran out of cash
Oddly to the circus he did dash
He spotted the clown
Then his trousers fell down
And all was revealed in a flash.


Unveiled were a pair of blue Y-fronts
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Norm Deplume
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Unveiled were a pair of blue Y-fronts
.....................................................
.......................
...........................
When he started doing his trick stunts
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chocster

Unveiled were a pair of blue Y-fronts
.....................................................
.......................
Abracadabra
When he started doing his trick stunts
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Norm Deplume
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Unveiled were a pair of blue Y-fronts
On a pallid-skinned youth with the grunts.
.......................
Abracadabra
When he started doing his trick stunts
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tafkaj

Unveiled were a pair of blue Y-fronts
On a pallid-skinned youth with the grunts.
He squealed like a zebra:
"Abracadabra"
When he started doing his trick stunts.

*********************************************

-----------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------
But don't let him fool you
----------------------------------
-----------------------------------------
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Norm Deplume
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His magic,...much like Tommy Cooper
-----------------------------------------
But don't let him fool you
----------------------------------
-----------------------------------
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chocster

His magic,...much like Tommy Cooper
Couldn't be described as super duper
But don't let him fool you
----------------------------------
-------------------
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waiting4atickle
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His magic,...much like Tommy Cooper
Couldn't be described as super duper
But don't let him fool you
----------------------------------
He was really a paratrooper.

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Norm Deplume
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His magic,...much like Tommy Cooper
Couldn't be described as super duper
But don't let him fool you
It was only too true
He was really a paratrooper.



A plumber in Chorlton-cum-Hardy
Edited by Norm Deplume, Jan 30 2014, 12:00 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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A plumber in Chorlton-cum-Hardy
Was so fat,his friends called him Lardy
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Norm Deplume
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A plumber in Chorlton-cum-Hardy
Was so fat, his friends called him Lardy
......................
While fixing a tap
...................................................
Edited by Norm Deplume, Jan 30 2014, 05:03 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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A plumber in Chorlton-cum-Hardy
Was so fat, his friends called him Lardy
He'd chew a cheese bap
While fixing a tap
...................................................

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Caro

A plumber in Chorlton-cum-Hardy
Was so fat, his friends called him Lardy
He'd chew a cheese bap
While fixing a tap
And never could quite fit his cardy.


------------------------------------
"Great catch" the man has just shouted
----------------------
----------------------
------------------------------------
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Norm Deplume
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------------------------------------
"Great catch" the man has just shouted
----------------------
----------------------
A fine team that cannot be doubted
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Norm Deplume
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The runs had been clearly counted
"Great catch" the man has just shouted
----------------------
----------------------
A fine team that cannot be doubted
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Norm Deplume
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The runs had been clearly counted
"Great catch" the man has just shouted
Their last man had gone
----------------------
A fine team that cannot be doubted
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tafkaj

The runs had been clearly counted
"Great catch" the man has just shouted
Their last man had gone
The Ashes were won -
A fine team that cannot be doubted.

********************************************

----------------------------------------------
But call me if I've got it wrong
------------------------------------
------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------
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Norm Deplume
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I don't think the journey's too long
But call me if I've got it wrong
------------------------------------
------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------
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chocster

I don't think the journey's too long
But call me if I've got it wrong
------------------------------------
-------------------------
At least a verse of Rama Lama Ding Dong
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Norm Deplume
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Rhythm, Chocs-----RHYTHM ! ! ! !
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chocster

I don't think the journey's too long
But call me if I've got it wrong
------------------------------------
-------------------------
Hail Mary and Rama Lama Ding Dong
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Norm Deplume
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I don't think the journey's too long
But call me if I've got it wrong
Your not answering my calls
-------------------------
Hail Mary and Rama Lama Ding Dong
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dai Cottomy
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I don't think the journey's too long
But call me if I've got it wrong
Your not answering my calls
I'll be washing my smalls
Hail Mary and Rama Lama Ding Dong

---------------------------------
---------------------------------
--------------------------
It's too good to miss
---------------------------------
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Norm Deplume
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The Parade was the best ever seen
---------------------------------
--------------------------
It's too good to miss
---------------------------------
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tafkaj

The Parade was the best ever seen
By Philip and H.M. The Queen
--------------------------
It's too good to miss
---------------------------------
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dai Cottomy
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The Parade was the best ever seen
By Philip and H.M. The Queen
She blew us a kiss
It's too good to miss
---------------------------------
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waiting4atickle
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The Parade was the best ever seen
By Philip and H.M. The Queen
She blew us a kiss
It's too good to miss
Then drove off in a big limousine.


-----------------------------
-----------------------------
But the water kept rising
-------------------
-----------------------------

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Mobson
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<star> <ok>




-----------------------------
-----------------------------
But the water kept rising
The locals surprising
-----------------------------

Edited by Mobson, Feb 12 2014, 12:45 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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-----------------------------
I turned off the taps in the bath
But the water kept rising
The locals surprising
-----------------------------
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dai Cottomy
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The rain inundated my path
I turned off the taps in the bath
But the water kept rising
The locals surprising
-----------------------------
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Mobson
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The rain inundated my path
I turned off the taps in the bath
But the water kept rising
The locals surprising
but making none of them laugh!
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Mobson
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They're finding it difficult in Slough
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dai Cottomy
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They're finding it difficult in Slough
--------------------------------
--------------------------
--------------------------
They're all getting sloshed in The Plough
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Norm Deplume
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They're finding it difficult in Slough
Most families are using their dhow
--------------------------
--------------------------
They're all getting sloshed in The Plough
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dai Cottomy
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They're finding it difficult in Slough
Most families are using their dhow
--------------------------
But they're British and so
They're all getting sloshed in The Plough
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waiting4atickle
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They're finding it difficult in Slough
Most families are using their dhow
They don't have much dough
But they're British and so
They're all getting sloshed in The Plough


----------------------------------
----------------------------------
Although a bright spark
---------------------
----------------------------------


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dai Cottomy
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----------------------------------
Didn't know how to mend a fuse
Although a bright spark
---------------------
----------------------------------
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Norm Deplume
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----------------------------------
Didn't know how to mend a fuse
Although a bright spark
---------------------
But you can't 'win 'em all' and you lose
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Norm Deplume
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A sailor quite partial to booze
Didn't know how to mend a fuse
Although a bright spark
---------------------
But you can't 'win 'em all' and you lose
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dai Cottomy
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A sailor quite partial to booze
Didn't know how to mend a fuse
Although a bright spark
He's still in the dark
But you can't 'win 'em all' and you lose


A lively young lad from Devizes
------------------------------
---------------------
---------------------
------------------------------
Edited by dai Cottomy, Feb 14 2014, 05:41 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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A lively young lad from Devizes
------------------------------
---------------------
---------------------
He was adept at winning big prizes
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Norm Deplume
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A lively young lad from Devizes
------------------------------
At a "Miss World" event
---------------------
He was adept at winning big prizes
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dai Cottomy
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A lively young lad from Devizes
Had girlfriends of all different sizes
At a "Miss World" event
---------------------
He was adept at winning big prizes
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Norm Deplume
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A lively young lad from Devizes
Had girlfriends of all different sizes
At a "Miss World" event
Which took place in Ghent
His 'ladies' took all the big prizes


It's a pity about Nicky the Nark
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dai Cottomy
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It's a pity about Nicky the Nark
He misbehaved in St.James's Park
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Norm Deplume
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It's a pity about Nicky the Nark
He misbehaved in St.James's Park
By cavorting about
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waiting4atickle
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It's a pity about Nicky the Nark
He misbehaved in St.James's Park
By cavorting about
Wearing nary a clout

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dai Cottomy
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It's a pity about Nicky the Nark
He misbehaved in St.James's Park
By cavorting about
Wearing nary a clout
Causing all of the dogs to bark

Sometimes I feel in need of strong drink
-------------------------------------
---------------------------
---------------------------
-------------------------------------


Edited by dai Cottomy, Feb 20 2014, 12:53 AM.
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Caro

Sometimes I feel in need of strong drink
-------------------------------------
---------------------------
---------------------------
Now either I'll swim or I'll sink.
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waiting4atickle
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Sometimes I feel in need of strong drink
Tho' not as often as people think
---------------------------
---------------------------
Now either I'll swim or I'll sink.

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dai Cottomy
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Sometimes I feel in need of strong drink
Tho' not as often as people think
---------------------------
Makes the whole world my pal
Now either I'll swim or I'll sink.
Edited by dai Cottomy, Feb 20 2014, 10:52 AM.
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tafkaj

Sometimes I feel in need of strong drink
Tho' not as often as people think
Gin & tonic (low cal)
Makes the whole world my pal
Now either I'll swim or I'll sink.

*****************************************

--------------------------------------
--------------------------------------
But, hating loud noises,
------------------------------
--------------------------------------
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Norm Deplume
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--------------------------------------
--------------------------------------
But, hating loud noises,
------------------------------
She went on a binge with the girls


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dai Cottomy
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Stay awhile as my story unfurls
------------------------------
But, hating loud noises,
----------------------
She went on a binge with the girls
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tafkaj

Stay awhile as my story unfurls
'Bout the lass who strong 'buse often hurls;
But, hating loud noises,
----------------------
She went on a binge with the girls
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Norm Deplume
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Stay awhile as my story unfurls
'Bout the lass who strong 'buse often hurls;
But, hating loud noises,
She loved soothing voices
So she went on a binge with the girls
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


As the father of quadtruplet boys
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Caro

As the father of quadruplet boys
-------------------------------
----------------------
----------------------
"I wanted twice, not four times the joys."

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Norm Deplume
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As the father of quadruplet boys
'twas a struggle to afford all their toys
----------------------
----------------------
"I wanted twice, not four times the joys."



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tafkaj

As the father of quadruplet boys
'twas a struggle to afford all their toys
But, for my sins,
----------------------
"I wanted twice, not four times the joys."
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dai Cottomy
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As the father of quadruplet boys
'twas a struggle to afford all their toys
But, for my sins,
I then fathered twins
"I wanted twice, not four times the joys."


Half a dozen was the final score


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Norm Deplume
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Half a dozen was the final score
Two white, two black and two more
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tafkaj

Half a dozen was the final score
Two white, two black and two more
-------------------------
-------------------------
But I wonder what those two are for?

[BTW, "half a dozen was" NOT "the final score" - that was twenty. :$ ]
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Norm Deplume
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Half a dozen was the final score
Two white, two black and two more
-------------------------
Always game for a fight
But I wonder what those two are for?
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Caro

Half a dozen was the final score
Two white, two black and two more
-------------------------
Always game for a fight
But I wonder what those two are for?
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Caro

Half a dozen was the final score
Two white, two black and two more
I hit the black, then the white
Always game for a fight
But I wonder what those two are for?

---------------------------------
Now flooding has followed the quakes
----------------------
----------------------
---------------------------------
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Norm Deplume
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---------------------------------
Now flooding has followed the quakes
----------------------
----------------------
With my dish full of Kellog's Corn Flakes

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tafkaj

The fields have become massive lakes,
Now flooding has followed the quakes
----------------------
----------------------
With my dish full of Kellog's Corn Flakes
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dai Cottomy
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The fields have become massive lakes,
Now flooding has followed the quakes
----------------------
A mug of hot tea
With my dish full of Kellog's Corn Flakes
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tafkaj

The fields have become massive lakes,
Now flooding has followed the quakes
But I'm drinking, you see,
A mug of hot tea
With my dish full of Kellog's Corn Flakes

**********************************************

---------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------
Now the sun has appeared
---------------------------------
---------------------------------------------
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dai Cottomy
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---------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------
Now the sun has appeared
I'll shave off my beard
---------------------------------------------
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Norm Deplume
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---------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------
Now the sun has appeared
I'll shave off my beard
And look Springtime full in the face
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tafkaj

I'd taken to wearing black lace
---------------------------------------------
Now the sun has appeared
I'll shave off my beard
And look Springtime full in the face
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Norm Deplume
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I'd taken to wearing black lace
But don't know if I'm up to the pace
Now the sun has appeared
I'll shave off my beard
And look Springtime full in the face



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Norm Deplume
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My days of wine and roses are past
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Mobson
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My days of wine and roses are past
.................................................
It's no use crying
...........................
..................................................
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