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Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 12:55 PM (26,609 Views)
dai Cottomy
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waiting4atickle Yesterday, 1:36 PM Post #2792



It's awful, the lies that we tell
And maybe we'll all go to Hell
So always tell the Truth
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Norm Deplume
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For Dave, it's a rock or a hard place
For Michael Gove it's hard to save face
A shuffle too far?
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waiting4atickle
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For Dave, it's a rock or a hard place
For Michael Gove it's hard to save face
A shuffle too far?
-----------------
There's no doubt it will end in disgrace.

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dai Cottomy
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For Dave, it's a rock or a hard place
For Michael Gove it's hard to save face
A shuffle too far?
William Hague - au revoir!
There's no doubt it will end in disgrace.


And as for that old war-horse, Ken Clarke
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Mobson
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And as for that old war-horse, Ken Clarke
...........................................................
.........
.........
No wonder his belly's bigger than his bark
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Norm Deplume
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And as for that old war-horse, Ken Clarke
Loves his jazz in the clubs, after dark
.........
.........
No wonder his belly's bigger than his bark
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Mobson
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And as for that old war-horse, Ken Clarke
Loves his jazz in the clubs, after dark,
A true bon viveur
.........
No wonder his belly's bigger than his bark
Edited by Mobson, Jul 23 2014, 06:27 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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And as for that old war-horse, Ken Clarke
Loves his jazz in the clubs, after dark,
A true bon viveur
With a dodgy liver?
No wonder his belly's bigger than his bark



On a stage in a field in Kings Lynn
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dai Cottomy
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On a stage in a field in Kings Lynn
Two actors are consuming pink gin
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Norm Deplume
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On a stage in a field in Kings Lynn
Two actors are consuming pink gin
One says to the other,
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Norm Deplume
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On a stage in a field in Kings Lynn
Two actors are consuming pink gin
One says to the other,
..............................
Or is that committing a sin?
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Mobson
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On a stage in a field in Kings Lynn
Two actors are consuming pink gin
One says to the other,
I fancy your mother
Or is that committing a sin?
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Mobson
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"Why you runnin' away?" said the cop
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Norm Deplume
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"Why you runnin' away?" said the cop
.....................................................
.......................
...........................
Well, that was a bit over the top
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dai Cottomy
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"Why you runnin' away?" said the cop
As he grabbed my arm, making me stop
.......................
...........................
Well, that was a bit over the top
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Norm Deplume
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"Why you runnin' away?" said the cop
As he grabbed my arm, making me stop
I answered "Don't know"
...........................
Well, that was a bit over the top
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dai Cottomy
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"Why you runnin' away?" said the cop
As he grabbed my arm, making me stop
I answered "Don't know"
He wouldn't let go
Well, that was a bit over the top


He said "do you fancy a drink?"
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Caro

He said "do you fancy a drink?"
----------------------------
-------------
-------------
It caused a bit of a stink.
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Norm Deplume
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He said "do you fancy a drink?"
"No thanks, I'll end up in the clink"
-------------
-------------
It caused a bit of a stink.
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Mobson
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He said "do you fancy a drink?"
"No thanks, I'll end up in the clink"
So he lit up a spliff
-------------
It caused a bit of a stink.
Edited by Mobson, Aug 5 2014, 03:27 AM.
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tafkaj

He said "do you fancy a drink?"
"No thanks, I'll end up in the clink"
So he lit up a spliff
And, just like a stiff,
It caused a bit of a stink.

***************************************

--------------------------------------
But never on Thursdays", he lied
-----------------------------
-----------------------------
--------------------------------------

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dai Cottomy
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You always seem to be pie-eyed
"But never on Thursdays", he lied
-----------------------------
-----------------------------
--------------------------------------
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Norm Deplume
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You always seem to be pie-eyed
"But never on Thursdays", he lied
-----------------------------
-----------------------------
For the rest of the week. Woe betide!
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Mobson
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You always seem to be pie-eyed
"But never on Thursdays", he lied
On that day I abstain
-----------------------------
For the rest of the week. Woe betide!
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dai Cottomy
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You always seem to be pie-eyed
"But never on Thursdays", he lied
"On that day I abstain
It's a bit of a pain
For the rest of the week. Woe betide!"


Love, they say, makes the world go round

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Mobson
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Love, they say, makes the world go round
.........................................................
.......
.......
But that's not what I've generally found
Edited by Mobson, Aug 10 2014, 08:26 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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Love, they say, makes the world go round
It makes you heart flutter and pound
.......
.......
But that's not what I've generally found
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Mobson
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Love, they say, makes the world go round
It makes you heart flutter and pound
It's all consuming
.......
But that's not what I've generally found
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Norm Deplume
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Love, they say, makes the world go round
It makes you heart flutter and pound
It's all consuming
The brain is zooming
But that's not what I've generally found


Always slept in his shirt, did our Len
Edited by Norm Deplume, Aug 12 2014, 11:21 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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Always slept in his shirt, did our Len
And made a loud noise like a hen
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Mobson
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Always slept in his shirt, did our Len
And made a loud noise like a hen
.......
......
Nothing like the noise made by our Ken
Edited by Mobson, Aug 14 2014, 12:25 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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Always slept in his shirt, did our Len
And made a loud noise like a hen
.......
Like a horse with a cart
Nothing like the noise made by Ken
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Mobson
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Always slept in his shirt, did our Len
And made a loud noise like a hen
He'd stop and he'd start
Like a horse with a cart
Nothing like the noise made by our Ken
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Mobson
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Our Ken in his sleep he did roar
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dai Cottomy
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Our Ken in his sleep he did roar
'Twas the sound of a love-stricken boar
----------------------------
----------------------------
-------------------------------------------
Edited by dai Cottomy, Aug 14 2014, 06:00 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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Our Ken in his sleep he did roar
'Twas the sound of a love-stricken boar
----------------------------
A thump from his wife
-------------------------------------------
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Mobson
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Our Ken in his sleep he did roar
'Twas the sound of a love-stricken boar
----------------------------
A thump from his wife
Sent him flying out the bed to the floor
Edited by Mobson, Aug 14 2014, 09:30 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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Our Ken in his sleep he did roar
'Twas the sound of a love-stricken boar
Like a threat to his life,
A thump from his wife
Sent him flying out the bed to the floor


My digital doo-dah ain't working
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dai Cottomy
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My digital doo-dah ain't working
The whatsit is constantly jerking
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Mobson
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My digital doo-dah ain't working
The whatsit is constantly jerking
...........
...........
Just like Miley Cyrus's twerking
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Norm Deplume
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My digital doo-dah ain't working
The whatsit is constantly jerking
It keeps going "ping"
...........
Just like Miley Cyrus's twerking
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Norm Deplume
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My digital doo-dah ain't working
The whatsit is constantly jerking
It keeps going "ping"
The bloody stupid thing
Just like Miley Cyrus's twerking


I went for a walk with my dog
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Caro

I went for a walk with my dog
----------------------------
He eyed every honey
--------------
----------------------------
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Norm Deplume
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I went for a walk with my dog
----------------------------
He eyed every honey
--------------
He thought that my leg was a bog!
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waiting4atickle
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I went for a walk with my dog
----------------------------
He eyed every honey
But what was less funny
He thought that my leg was a bog!

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Mobson
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I went for a walk with my dog
It was all a bit of a flog
He eyed every honey
But what was less funny
He thought that my leg was a bog!
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Mobson
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"There's nowt so queer as folk"
.................................................
..........
..........
....................................................
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Norm Deplume
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"There's nowt so queer as folk"
.................................................
..........
..........
It's because of the albumen, not the yolk
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Mobson
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"There's nowt so queer as folk"
In Yorkshire's often heard spoke
..........
..........
It's because of the albumen, not the yolk
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dai Cottomy
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"There's nowt so queer as folk"
In Yorkshire's often heard spoke
If you're forced to beg
Grandma to suck an egg
It's because of the albumen, not the yolk


This limerick's been dormant too long
-----------------------------------------
------------------------------
-------------------------------
-----------------------------------------
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waiting4atickle
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This limerick's been dormant too long
And now it is starting to pong
------------------------------
-------------------------------
-----------------------------------------

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Mobson
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This limerick's been dormant too long
And now it is starting to pong
------------------------------
-------------------------------
But it's at an end now, ding-dong
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dai Cottomy
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This limerick's been dormant too long
And now it is starting to pong
Sometimes it is best
-------------------------------
But it's at an end now, ding-dong
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Mobson
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This limerick's been dormant too long
And now it is starting to pong
Sometimes it is best
To give it a rest
But it's at an end now, ding-dong
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Mobson
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I don't want this Summer to end
Edited by Mobson, Sep 8 2014, 07:35 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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I don't want this Summer to end
Cold weather drives me right round the bend
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Mobson
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I don't want this Summer to end
I consider this season a friend
..................
..................
Cold weather drives me right round the bend
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waiting4atickle
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I don't want this Summer to end
I consider this season a friend
..................
But soon there'll be ice
Cold weather drives me right round the bend

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dai Cottomy
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I don't want this Summer to end
I consider this season a friend
It's been very nice
But soon there'll be ice
Cold weather drives me right round the bend


I'm going to start knitting wool mittens
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Mobson
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I'm going to start knitting wool mittens
.......................................................
the simplest protection
.............................
.....................................................
Edited by Mobson, Sep 24 2014, 08:19 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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I'm going to start knitting wool mittens
Made from the fur of snow white kittens
the simplest protection
.............................
.....................................................
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Mobson
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I'm going to start knitting wool mittens
Made from the fur of snow white kittens
the simplest protection
prevents frostbite infection
.....................................................
Edited by Mobson, Sep 30 2014, 10:55 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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I'm going to start knitting wool mittens
Made from the fur of snow white kittens
the simplest protection
prevents frostbite infection
Or being pecked by disgruntled bitterns

Autumn is fruitful and mellow
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tafkaj

Autumn is fruitful and mellow
---------------------------------
----------------------------
----------------------------
But left with a hearty: "Hello!"
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dai Cottomy
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Autumn is fruitful and mellow
Leaves all going red or yellow
----------------------------
----------------------------
But left with a hearty: "Hello!"
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Mobson
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Autumn is fruitful and mellow
Leaves all going red or yellow
It made us all smile
----------------------------
But left with a hearty: "Hello!"
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dai Cottomy
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Autumn is fruitful and mellow
Leaves all going red or yellow
It made us all smile
For a little while
But left with a hearty: "Hello!"


Will next year be the year of UKIP?

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Mobson
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Will next year be the year of UKIP?
...............................................
.......
.......
To prevent it tightening it's grip
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waiting4atickle
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Will next year be the year of UKIP?
Or was Thursday merely a blip?
.......
.......
To prevent it tightening it's grip

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Mobson
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Will next year be the year of UKIP?
Or was Thursday merely a blip?
A breakaway faction
.......
To prevent it tightening it's grip
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Caro

Will next year be the year of UKIP?
Or was Thursday merely a blip?
A breakaway faction
Let's hope with no traction
To prevent it tightening it's grip


Elections provide odd results [Our one means we are having yet another Labour leader vote after a disastrous election night count.]
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---------------------------
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dai Cottomy
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Elections provide odd results
Comments please, (avoiding insults)
--------------
--------------
---------------------------
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waiting4atickle
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Elections provide odd results
Comments please, (avoiding insults)
--------------
--------------
But at least we don't use catapults.

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Mobson
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Elections provide odd results
Comments please, (avoiding insults)
A tick in a box
--------------
But at least we don't use catapults.
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waiting4atickle
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Elections provide odd results
Comments please, (avoiding insults)
A tick in a box
To elect some old crocks
But at least we don't use catapults.


-----------------------------
-----------------------------
------------------
------------------
But I'm not very partial to fish.

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Mobson
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Oh What to cook today, what dish
-----------------------------
------------------
------------------
But I'm not very partial to fish.
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dai Cottomy
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Oh What to cook today, what dish
Would you choose as your final wish?
------------------
------------------
But I'm not very partial to fish.
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Mobson
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Oh What to cook today, what dish
Would you choose as your final wish?
The last thing on your lips
------------------
But I'm not very partial to fish.
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dai Cottomy
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Oh What to cook today, what dish
Would you choose as your final wish?
The last thing on your lips
Is a portion of chips
But I'm not very partial to fish.


A nice cup of tea in the morning
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Mobson
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A nice cup of tea in the morning
..............................................
Darjeeling or Assam
...........................
...............................................

Edited by Mobson, Oct 22 2014, 07:59 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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A nice cup of tea in the morning
May get spilt unless you stop yawning.
Darjeeling or Assam
...........................
...............................................
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dai Cottomy
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A nice cup of tea in the morning
May get spilt unless you stop yawning.
Darjeeling or Assam
With buttered toast and jam
...............................................
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Mobson
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A nice cup of tea in the morning
May get spilt unless you stop yawning
Darjeeling or Assam
With buttered toast and jam
Just as a new day is dawning
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Mobson
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The undercover cop, his lover and their son
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waiting4atickle
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The undercover cop, his lover and their son
---------------------------
-----------------
-----------------
And proved himself a son of a gun.

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Caro

The undercover cop, his lover and their son
Took off to have some fun
-----------------
-----------------
And proved himself a son of a gun.
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dai Cottomy
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The undercover cop, his lover and their son
Took off to have some fun
But the plan hit a snag
-----------------
And proved himself a son of a gun.
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Mobson
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The undercover cop, his lover and their son
Took off to have some fun
But the plan hit a snag
Until the son stole a Jag
And proved himself a son of a gun.
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Mobson
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.........................................................
.........................................................
causing such a commotion
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Mobson
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.........................................................
.........................................................
causing such a commotion
for getting such a promotion
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dai Cottomy
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A noisy young fellow from Woking
...............................................
causing such a commotion
for getting such a promotion
...............................................
...............................................
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Caro

A noisy young fellow from Woking
Did brilliantly well with his broking
Causing such a commotion
For getting such a promotion
...............................................
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Mobson
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A noisy young fellow from Woking
Did brilliantly well with his broking
Causing such a commotion
For getting such a promotion
And his bank account heavily stoking!
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Mobson
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Black Friday's a crazy idea
Edited by Mobson, Dec 3 2014, 10:33 AM.
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waiting4atickle
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Black Friday's a crazy idea
But it shifts lots of crap, so I hear


Posted Image

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dai Cottomy
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Black Friday's a crazy idea
But it shifts lots of crap, so I hear
Keeping cash flowing

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Mobson
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<laugh> Brilliant from Tesco ticks!


Black Friday's a crazy idea
But it shifts lots of crap, so I hear
Keeping cash flowing
All the while knowing
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dai Cottomy
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Black Friday's a crazy idea
But it shifts lots of crap, so I hear
Keeping cash flowing
All the while knowing
It contributes toward Christmas cheer


We're under computer attack
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dai Cottomy
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Black Friday's a crazy idea
But it shifts lots of crap, so I hear
Keeping cash flowing
All the while knowing
It contributes toward Christmas cheer


We're under computer attack
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dai Cottomy
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Black Friday's a crazy idea
But it shifts lots of crap, so I hear
Keeping cash flowing
All the while knowing
It contributes toward Christmas cheer


We're under computer attack
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waiting4atickle
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We're under computer attack
Some bastards are trying to hack
--------------------
--------------------
----------------------------------

Edited by waiting4atickle, Dec 6 2014, 08:19 PM.
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