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Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 12:55 PM (26,608 Views)
dai Cottomy
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waiting4atickle Yesterday, 1:36 PM Post #2792



It's awful, the lies that we tell
And maybe we'll all go to Hell
So always tell the Truth
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dai Cottomy
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We're under computer attack
Some bastards are trying to hack
It must be those "guests"
--------------------
----------------------------------
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Caro

We're under computer attack
Some bastards are trying to hack
Our nice little site
--------------------
----------------------------------
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dai Cottomy
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We're under computer attack
Some bastards are trying to hack
Our nice little site
is suff'ring from blight
----------------------------------


We're under computer attack
Some bastards are trying to hack
It must be those "guests"
They're nothing but pests
----------------------------------

Edited by dai Cottomy, Dec 7 2014, 10:30 PM.
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Mobson
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We're under computer attack
Some bastards are trying to hack
It must be those "guests"
They're nothing but pests
Whose identity it's impossible to crack
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Mobson
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we're all getting too busy to post
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dai Cottomy
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we're all getting too busy to post
Not a thing about which to boast
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waiting4atickle
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We're all getting too busy to post
Not a thing about which to boast
There's funerals to plan
----------------------
---------------------------------

Edited by waiting4atickle, Dec 14 2014, 01:25 AM.
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Mobson
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We're all getting too busy to post
Not a thing about which to boast
There's funerals to plan
And divorce from a man
---------------------------------
Edited by Mobson, Dec 14 2014, 03:38 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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We're all getting too busy to post
Not a thing about which to boast
There's funerals to plan
And divorce from a man
Then a fifteen pound turkey to roast


I've written my letter to Santa




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rumbaba
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I've written my letter to Santa
requesting two dozen bottles of Fanta
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Mobson
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I've written my letter to Santa
requesting two dozen bottles of Fanta
.......
.......
Ensuring lots of food, drink and banter
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waiting4atickle
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I've written my letter to Santa
requesting two dozen bottles of Fanta
I hope he does the biz
.......
Ensuring lots of food, drink and banter

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Mobson
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I've written my letter to Santa
requesting two dozen bottles of Fanta
I hope he does the biz
With that amount of fizz
Ensuring lots of food, drink and banter

********************************


Can't wait for a new year to start
Edited by Mobson, Dec 18 2014, 09:14 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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Can't wait for a new year to start
I've decided to study Descartes
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Mobson
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Can't wait for a new year to start
Some news I'm longing to impart
.......
.......
I've decided to study Descartes
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dai Cottomy
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Can't wait for a new year to start
Some news I'm longing to impart
I'm giving up work
It's sent me berserk
I've decided to study Descartes


It's time to plan New Year resolutions
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Mobson
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It's time to plan New Year resolutions
.....................................................
........
........
Let's hear some of your contributions
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Caro

It's time to plan New Year resolutions
While I sit and do my ablutions
........
........
Let's hear some of your contributions
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Mobson
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It's time to plan New Year resolutions
While I sit and do my ablutions
Whatever they are
........
Let's hear some of your contributions
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dai Cottomy
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It's time to plan New Year resolutions
While I sit and do my ablutions
Whatever they are
However bizarre
.......Let's hear some of your contributions


A manic depressive from Fife
--------------------------------
----------------------
----------------------
--------------------------------


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Mobson
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A manic depressive from Fife
--------------------------------
----------------------
----------------------
In her hand she was branding a knife!
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dai Cottomy
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A manic depressive from Fife
Declared she was fed up with life
----------------------
----------------------
In her hand she was branding a knife!
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Mobson
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A manic depressive from Fife
Declared she was fed up with life
----------------------
She went on to her roof
In her hand she was branding a knife!
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dai Cottomy
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A manic depressive from Fife
Declared she was fed up with life
For a bit of a spoof
She went on to her roof
In her hand she was branding a knife! (she brandished a knife)


She shouted like someone possessed


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Mobson
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<ok> changed

A manic depressive from Fife
Declared she was fed up with life
For a bit of a spoof
She went on to her roof
In her hand she brandished a knife


She shouted like someone possessed
But we all really should've guessed
.........
.........
..................................................


Edited by Mobson, Jan 12 2015, 12:04 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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She shouted like someone possessed
But we all really should've guessed
.........
.........
She plunged the knife into her chest
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Mobson
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She shouted like someone possessed
But we all really should've guessed
........................
Determined to die
She plunged the knife into her chest
Edited by Mobson, Jan 14 2015, 09:23 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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She shouted like someone possessed
But we all really should've guessed
With a soulful sigh,
Determined to die,
She plunged the knife into her chest *

* Don't worry folks, she recovered and is living happily with her husband and three children in Boise, Idaho


There once lived a Vegan called Pete
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Mobson
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dai Cottomy
Jan 17 2015, 11:56 AM
She shouted like someone possessed
But we all really should've guessed
With a soulful sigh,
Determined to die,
She plunged the knife into her chest *

* Don't worry folks, she recovered and is living happily with her husband and three children in Boise, Idaho
Ahhh, along with the Nuts! .... http://local.hobbyfarms.com/Growing_Nut_Trees_Boise_ID-p1730349-Boise_ID.html
Edited by Mobson, Jan 17 2015, 12:18 PM.
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Mobson
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There once lived a Vegan called Pete
....................................................
Revolted by dairy
.......................
....................................................
Edited by Mobson, Jan 17 2015, 12:21 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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There once lived a Vegan called Pete
Who couldn't eat anything sweet
Revolted by dairy
.......................
....................................................
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Mobson
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There once lived a Vegan called Pete
Who couldn't eat anything sweet
Revolted by dairy
Meat he found scary
....................................................
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dai Cottomy
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There once lived a Vegan called Pete
Who couldn't eat anything sweet
Revolted by dairy
Meat he found scary
He was seldom if ever replete



A miserly farmer from Perth
-------------------------------
-------------------
-------------------
-------------------------------
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Mobson
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A miserly farmer from Perth
Had a wife about to give birth
-------------------
-------------------
-------------------------------
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waiting4atickle
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dai Cottomy
Jan 22 2015, 04:15 PM
There once lived a Vegan called Pete
Who couldn't eat anything sweet
Revolted by dairy
Meat he found scary
He was seldom if ever replete.

Nicely finished, Dai.


A miserly farmer from Perth
Had a wife about to give birth
-------------------
-------------------
But he still found no reason for mirth.

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dai Cottomy
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waiting4atickle
Jan 22 2015, 07:10 PM

Nicely finished, Dai.

Thanks, Tick


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Mobson
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A miserly farmer from Perth
Had a wife about to give birth
He wanted a heir
-------------------
But he still found no reason for mirth.
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dai Cottomy
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A miserly farmer from Perth
Had a wife about to give birth
He wanted a heir
She gave him a pair
But he still found no reason for mirth.


A jovial innkeeper from Harrow
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waiting4atickle
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A jovial innkeeper from Harrow
Tried to keep on the straight and narrow
-------------------------
-------------------------
-------------------------------------------

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dai Cottomy
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A jovial innkeeper from Harrow
Tried to keep on the straight and narrow
But from the path he strayed
-------------------------
-------------------------------------------
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waiting4atickle
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A jovial innkeeper from Harrow
Tried to keep on the straight and narrow
But from the path he strayed
And his patrons, dismayed,
-------------------------------------------

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dai Cottomy
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A jovial innkeeper from Harrow
Tried to keep on the straight and narrow
But from the path he strayed
And his patrons, dismayed,
Now he runs a whelk stall in Jarrow


A lofty young lad from Land's End
Edited by dai Cottomy, Jan 26 2015, 12:43 PM.
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Caro

A lofty young lad from Land's End
--------------------------------
------------------
------------------
And had gallons of money to spend.
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dai Cottomy
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A lofty young lad from Land's End
Thought he was going round the bend
------------------
------------------
And had gallons of money to spend.
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Mobson
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A lofty young lad from Land's End
Thought he was going round the bend
After discovering oil
------------------
And had gallons of money to spend.
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dai Cottomy
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A lofty young lad from Land's End
Thought he was going round the bend
After discovering oil
He went off the boil
And had gallons of money to spend.


Identical twins from Kentucky

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waiting4atickle
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Identical twins from Kentucky
Each thought that the other was yucky
-----------------
-----------------
--------------------------

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Mobson
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Identical twins from Kentucky
Each thought that the other was yucky
-----------------
-----------------
Turns out neither of them was plucky
Edited by Mobson, Mar 10 2015, 09:05 AM.
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Mobson
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Identical twins from Kentucky
Each thought that the other was yucky
They hated each other
-----------------
Turns out neither of them was plucky
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dai Cottomy
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Identical twins from Kentucky
Each thought that the other was yucky
They hated each other
And also their mother
Turns out neither of them was plucky


An insurance salesman from Brum
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Mobson
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An insurance salesman from Brum
Paid insurance on the life his mum
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Caro

An insurance salesman from Brum
Paid insurance on the life of his mum
---------------
And she was a goner
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Mobson
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An insurance salesman from Brum
Paid insurance on the life of his mum
But these he did dishonour
And she was a goner
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dai Cottomy
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An insurance salesman from Brum
Paid insurance on the life of his mum
But these he did dishonour
And she was a goner
Losing out on a very large sum


An annoying young man from The Hague
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Mobson
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An annoying young man from The Hague
..........................................................
.....
.....
Unaware that he carried the plague
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dai Cottomy
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An annoying young man from The Hague
Had a manner decidedly vague
......................................
......................................
Unaware that he carried the plague
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Mobson
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An annoying young man from The Hague
Had a manner decidedly vague
He boarded a train
......................................
Unaware that he carried the plague
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dai Cottomy
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An annoying young man from The Hague
Had a manner decidedly vague
He boarded a train
That was headed for Spain
Unaware that he carried the plague


A trio of drunks from Saint Louis
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Mobson
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A trio of drunks from Saint Louis
..............................................
High on Rye
.................
..............................................
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dai Cottomy
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A trio of drunks from Saint Louis
Worked for a gangster called Hughie
High on Rye
.................
..............................................
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Mobson
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A trio of drunks from Saint Louis
Worked for a gangster called Hughie
High on Rye
Destined to die
..............................................
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dai Cottomy
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A trio of drunks from Saint Louis
Worked for a gangster called Hughie
High on Rye
Destined to die
Through eating an excess of chop suey


A gorgeous pole dancer from Otley
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Mobson
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A gorgeous pole dancer from Otley
.................................................
..........
..........
Her audience, a crew that were motley
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Caro

A gorgeous pole dancer from Otley
.................................................
..........
And charmed quite to bits
Her audience, a crew that were motley.
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dai Cottomy
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A gorgeous pole dancer from Otley
Performed her act briskly and hotly
..........
And charmed quite to bits
Her audience, a crew that were motley
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Caro

A gorgeous pole dancer from Otley
Performed her act briskly and hotly
Still using her wits
And charmed quite to bits
Her audience, a crew that were motley


--------------------------------
--------------------------------
-----------------
If only 'twere true
--------------------------------
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Mobson
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--------------------------------
He told her he loved her today
-----------------
If only 'twere true
--------------------------------
Edited by Mobson, Apr 9 2015, 08:25 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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She told him he seemed far away
He told her he loved her today
-----------------
If only 'twere true
--------------------------------
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Mobson
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She told him he seemed far away
He told her he loved her today
Oh what should she do?
If only 'twere true
--------------------------------
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dai Cottomy
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She told him he seemed far away
He told her he loved her today
Oh what should she do?
If only 'twere true
They'd planned to get married in May



May came, and they stood at the altar
------------------------------------------
-----------------------------
-----------------------------
-----------------------------------------
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Mobson
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May came, and they stood at the altar
------------------------------------------
-----------------------------
-----------------------------
But he fled to the Strait of Gibraltar
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dai Cottomy
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May came, and they stood at the altar
Came the the vows he started to falter
-----------------------------
-----------------------------
But he fled to the Strait of Gibraltar
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Caro

May came, and they stood at the altar
Came the the vows he started to falter
-----------------------------
With her eyes she did plead
But he fled to the Strait of Gibraltar
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dai Cottomy
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May came, and they stood at the altar
Came the the vows he started to falter
Her heart started to bleed
With her eyes she did plead
But he fled to the Strait of Gibraltar


That's the end of this sorrowful tale
----------------------------------------
------------------------
------------------------
--------------------------------------

Edited by dai Cottomy, Apr 14 2015, 10:20 AM.
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Caro

That's the end of this sorrowful tale
Let's get on with the story of Braille
------------------------
------------------------
--------------------------------------
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Mobson
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That's the end of this sorrowful tale
Let's get on with the story of Braille
------------------------
What a marvelous invention
-------------------------------------------
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Mobson
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That's the end of this sorrowful tale
Let's get on with the story of Braille
------------------------
What a marvelous invention
-------------------------------------------
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dai Cottomy
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That's the end of this sorrowful tale
Let's get on with the story of Braille
May I just mention
What a marvelous invention
-------------------------------------------
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Mobson
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That's the end of this sorrowful tale
Let's get on with the story of Braille
May I just mention
What a marvelous invention
Allowing blind folks to read without fail
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Mobson
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To see where the $10m went
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dai Cottomy
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To see where the $10m went
And how, and on what it was spent
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Mobson
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To see where the $10m went
And how, and on what it was spent
..........
..........
To show who was innocent or bent
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Caro

To see where the $10m went
And how, and on what it was spent
They set up a commission
..........
To show who was innocent or bent

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dai Cottomy
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To see where the $10m went
And how, and on what it was spent
They set up a commission
With a searching deposition
To show who was innocent or bent


A financial advisor from Strood
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Caro

A financial advisor from Strood
-----------------------------
------------------
------------------
Was left alone sadly to brood.

[I am assuming the pronunciation of Strood; it's probably really Strid or something.]
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dai Cottomy
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A financial advisor from Strood
had a manner exceedingly rude
------------------
------------------
Was left alone sadly to brood.
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Caro

A financial advisor from Strood
had a manner exceedingly rude
With one step too far
--------------
Was left alone sadly to brood.
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dai Cottomy
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A financial advisor from Strood
had a manner exceedingly rude
With one step too far
When thrown out of a bar
Was left alone sadly to brood.


A shepherd who lived on the hills



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waiting4atickle
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A shepherd who lived on the hills
Had an odd way of getting his thrills
--------------
--------------
--------------------------------

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Mobson
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A shepherd who lived on the hills
Had an odd way of getting his thrills
--------------
--------------
Trying to save as many as he kills
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waiting4atickle
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A shepherd who lived on the hills
Had an odd way of getting his thrills
He took great delight
--------------
Trying to save as many as he kills

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dai Cottomy
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A shepherd who lived on the hills
Had an odd way of getting his thrills
He took great delight
In starting a fight
Trying to save as many as he kills


A hospital porter called Fred
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Mobson
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A hospital porter called Fred
........................................
.......
.......
His job was to 'porter' the dead
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dai Cottomy
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A hospital porter called Fred
Gave the patients a feeling of dread
.......
.......
His job was to 'porter' the dead
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Mobson
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A hospital porter called Fred
Gave the patients a feeling of dread
When he came near
.......
His job was to 'porter' the dead
Edited by Mobson, Aug 2 2015, 02:28 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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A hospital porter called Fred
Gave the patients a feeling of dread
When he came near
With a disturbing leer
His job was to 'porter' the dead


A delightful young person from Crewe
Edited by dai Cottomy, Aug 2 2015, 12:46 PM.
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Mobson
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A delightful young person from Crewe
................
....
....
Finding himself in a bit of a stew
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Caro

A delightful young person from Crewe
Approached a young lady in blue
....
....
Finding himself in a bit of a stew
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dai Cottomy
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A delightful young person from Crewe
Approached a young lady in blue
He winked his left eye
....
Finding himself in a bit of a stew

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Mobson
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A delightful young person from Crewe
Approached a young lady in blue
He winked his left eye
As he undid his fly
Finding himself in a bit of a stew
Edited by Mobson, Aug 18 2015, 06:01 AM.
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