Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Add Reply
any line is available
Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 12:55 PM (26,625 Views)
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

waiting4atickle Yesterday, 1:36 PM Post #2792



It's awful, the lies that we tell
And maybe we'll all go to Hell
So always tell the Truth
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Replies:
Mobson
Member Avatar

When an adorable rabbit like me
----------------------------------
Whilst nibbling on a swede
My nose started to bleed
----------------------------------
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Norm Deplume
Member Avatar

When an adorable rabbit like me
----------------------------------
Whilst nibbling on a swede
My nose started to bleed
And I desperately needed a pee
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

When an adorable rabbit like me
Gets the urge to climb up a tree
Whilst nibbling on a swede
My nose started to bleed
And I desperately needed a pee


It's really no joke being a stoat

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


It's really no joke being a stoat
-----------------------------
------------------
------------------
If only he'd stayed on the boat.

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

It's really no joke being a stoat
If you have problems staying afloat
------------------
------------------
If only he'd stayed on the boat.

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Caro

It's really no joke being a stoat
If you have problems staying afloat
------------------
Swam hard but futilely
If only he'd stayed on the boat.


[I don't know about being a stoat, but it's certainly no joke having stoats - perhaps the worst predator on native animals we have here.)
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

It's really no joke being a stoat
If you have problems staying afloat
I had one called Smiley
Swam hard but futilely
If only he'd stayed on the boat.

His favourite dish was stewed vole



Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Caro

His favourite dish was stewed vole
---------------------------------
------------------
------------------
But he choked when he fancied dog roll.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar

His favourite dish was stewed vole
or an escalope of filleted mole
------------------
------------------
But he choked when he fancied dog roll.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Caro

His favourite dish was stewed vole
or an escalope of filleted mole
------------------
And gobbled it down
But he choked when he fancied dog roll.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


This is just too horrible to contemplate.



Edited by waiting4atickle, Oct 12 2012, 12:50 PM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

His favourite dish was stewed vole
or an escalope of filleted mole
He cooked it 'til brown
And gobbled it down
But he choked when he fancied dog roll.

Mother Nature's red in tooth and claw
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Norm Deplume
Member Avatar

Mother Nature's red in tooth and claw
Such is life, when it's there in the raw
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


Mother Nature's red in tooth and claw
Such is life, when it's there in the raw
But this virtual world
-----------------
---------------------------------



Edited by waiting4atickle, Oct 12 2012, 06:48 PM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar

Mother Nature's red in tooth and claw
Such is life, when it's there in the raw
But this virtual world
Has consistently unfurled
---------------------------------
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Caro

I don't think our limericks are to be contemplated, w4at. Laughed at, mocked, corrected, sighed over, but hardly the subject of contemplation. Just go with the flow...

Mother Nature's red in tooth and claw
Such is life, when it's there in the raw
But this virtual world
Has consistently unfurled
A taste for the maw with the jaw.


We'll eat only veges and fruit

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


We'll eat only veges and fruit
And maybe the odd bamboo shoot
-----------------
-----------------
---------------------------

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Caro

We'll eat only veges and fruit
And maybe the odd bamboo shoot
No blood and no guts
-----------------
---------------------------
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

We'll eat only veges and fruit
And maybe the odd bamboo shoot
No blood and no guts
Just mung beans and nuts
---------------------------
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


We'll eat only veges and fruit
And maybe the odd bamboo shoot
No blood and no guts
Just mung beans and nuts
I dread to think how we'll all toot!


I sit and contemplate these lines
---------------------------------
-------------------
-------------------
---------------------------------

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

I sit and contemplate these lines
And my will to live slowly declines
-------------------
-------------------
---------------------------------
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


I sit and contemplate these lines
And my will to live slowly declines <laugh>
-------------------
-------------------
And seek the comfort of the vines.

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Caro

I sit and contemplate these lines
And my will to live slowly declines [that's very funny, Dai, thanks]
-------------------
-------------------
With no scansion and only poor rhymes.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Caro

Oh, two at a time. So much for not appreciating the limericks.

I sit and contemplate these lines
And my will to live slowly declines <laugh>
I'll stare at the sky
-------------------
And seek the comfort of the vines.

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


Two at a time here, Caro, but none at a time on the Limericks thread. <whistles>


I sit and contemplate these lines
And my will to live slowly declines <laugh>
I'll stare at the sky,
Heave a weary sigh
And seek the comfort of the vines.


There was an old vintner from Wales
------------------------------
-----------------
-----------------
------------------------------

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Norm Deplume
Member Avatar

There was an old vintner from Wales
He was lauded through valleys and dales
-----------------
-----------------
------------------------------

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

There was an old vintner from Wales
He was lauded through valleys and dales
The plonk that he made
-----------------
------------------------------
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Norm Deplume
Member Avatar

There was an old vintner from Wales
He was lauded through valleys and dales
The plonk that he made
-----------------
Which was better than all those Welsh ales
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


There was an old vintner from Wales
He was lauded through valleys and dales
The plonk that he made
Tasted like lemonade -
Which was better than all those Welsh ales



------------------------------------
------------------------------------
----------------------
----------------------
But you can't beat a good pint of Brains.



Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

I quite like the brew made by the Danes
------------------------------------
----------------------
----------------------
But you can't beat a good pint of Brains.


Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


I quite like the brew made by the Danes
Some rum drinks are made from sugar canes
----------------------
----------------------
But you can't beat a good pint of Brains.

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Norm Deplume
Member Avatar

I quite like the brew made by the Danes
Though in Cardiff, it's poured down the drains
----------------------
----------------------
But you can't beat a good pint of Brains.

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


You're norming again, Norm. :D




Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Norm Deplume
Member Avatar

I'm Normin' again Tick!!!...Please ignore
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Norm Deplume
Member Avatar

I quite like the brew made by the Danes
Some rum drinks are made from sugar canes
But they make one quite 'pooky'
----------------------
But you can't beat a good pint of Brains.

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


I quite like the brew made by the Danes
Some rum drinks are made from sugar canes
But they make one quite 'pooky'
Wychwood ales are right spooky
But you can't beat a good pint of Brains.


----------------------------------
Who used to work down on the farm
-------------------
-------------------
----------------------------------

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Caro

----------------------------------
Who used to work down on the farm
-------------------
-------------------
And managed to come to no harm.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Norm Deplume
Member Avatar


A donkey, so tranquil and calm
Who used to work down on the farm
-------------------
-------------------
And managed to come to no harm.

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Norm Deplume
Member Avatar

A donkey, so tranquil and calm
Who used to work down on the farm
Got frisky one day,
Had a roll in the hay
And managed to come to no harm.


A political chap from The Hague

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

A political chap from The Hague
By Tourettes was constantly plagued

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


A political chap from The Hague
By Tourettes was constantly plagued
---------------------
---------------------
With a tumbler or two of Laphroaig

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Caro

A political chap from The Hague
By Tourettes was constantly plagued
---------------------
And calmed himself down
With a tumbler or two of Laphroaig
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


A political chap from The Hague
By Tourettes was constantly plagued
So he played Jackson Browne
And calmed himself down
With a tumbler or two of Laphroaig.



------------------------------
------------------------------
---------------------
On the isle of Islay
------------------------------

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Norm Deplume
Member Avatar

------------------------------
------------------------------
had words with a tiler
On the isle of Islay
------------------------------
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Norm Deplume
Member Avatar

------------------------------
------------------------------
had words with a tiler
On the isle of Islay
And upset a proctor from Bute
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Caro

A fellow with skills on the flute
------------------------------
Had words with a tiler
On the isle of Islay
And upset a proctor from Bute
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

A fellow with skills on the flute
Was also a dab hand on the lute
Had words with a tiler
On the isle of Islay
And upset a proctor from Bute


A flugelhorn player from Dorset


Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar

A flugelhorn player from Dorset
wore a tight, restrictive corset
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

A flugelhorn player from Dorset
wore a tight, restrictive corset
-----------------------------
She risked sudden death
--------------------------------------
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar

A flugelhorn player from Dorset
wore a tight, restrictive corset
At the conductor's behest
She risked sudden death
--------------------------------------
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

A flugelhorn player from Dorset
wore a tight, restrictive corset
At the conductor's behest
She risked sudden death
She hadn't enough puff left to force it.


Whenever I feel like a drink


Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


Whenever I feel like a drink
I wander to the kitchen sink
--------------------
--------------------
----------------------------


Edited by waiting4atickle, Oct 16 2012, 01:02 PM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
tafkaj

Whenever I feel like a drink
I wander to the kitchen sink
--------------------
But whiskey on th'rocks
----------------------------
Edited by tafkaj, Oct 16 2012, 01:35 PM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar

Whenever I feel like a drink
I wander to the kitchen sink
A bundle of shakes'n'shocks
But whiskey on th'rocks
---------------------------
Edited by Mobson, Oct 16 2012, 03:30 PM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Norm Deplume
Member Avatar

Whenever I feel like a drink
I wander to the kitchen sink
A bundle of shakes'n'shocks
But whiskey on th'rocks
Once again I feel "in-the-pink"



................................................
I always add wine when I'm cooking
......................
......................
...............................................
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


As long as there's nobody looking
I always add wine when I'm cooking
......................
......................
...............................................

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Caro

As long as there's nobody looking
I always add wine when I'm cooking
......................
......................
And hope from a cop there's no booking.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar

As long as there's nobody looking
I always add wine when I'm cooking
Just enough to add punch
......................
And hope from a cop there's no booking.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Norm Deplume
Member Avatar

As long as there's nobody looking
I always add wine when I'm cooking
Just enough to add punch
Only for dinner, not lunch
And hope from a cop there's no booking.




A corpulant butcher from Dorking
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


A corpulant butcher from Dorking
----------------------------
--------------------
--------------------
No wonder the people were gawking!

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar

A corpulant butcher from Dorking
Sold meat so delicious to put a fork in
--------------------
--------------------
No wonder the people were gawking!
Edited by Mobson, Oct 17 2012, 03:58 PM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Norm Deplume
Member Avatar

A corpulant butcher from Dorking
Sold meat so delicious to put a fork in
His sweetbreads were to die for
--------------------
No wonder the people were gawking!
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

A corpulant butcher from Dorking
Sold meat so delicious to put a fork in
His sweetbreads were to die for
And his meatballs to sigh for
No wonder the people were gawking


Bill Brown was a baker from Bury
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


Bill Brown was a baker from Bury
Who drooled o'er a Bakewell tart's cherry
---------------------
---------------------
---------------------------------

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar

Bill Brown was a baker from Bury
Who drooled o'er a Bakewell tart's cherry
.................................
Her real name was Pam
---------------------
---------------------------------
Edited by Mobson, Oct 18 2012, 07:59 AM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


Bill Brown was a baker from Bury
Who drooled o'er a Bakewell tart's cherry
Her real name was Pam
And she told him to scram
---------------------------------

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

Bill Brown was a baker from Bury
Who drooled o'er a Bakewell tart's cherry
Her real name was Pam
And she told him to scram
'Cos he'd contracted dysentery.


Big Betty was a prison warder
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar

Big Betty was a prison warder
Men shook as she gave them an order
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Caro

Big Betty was a prison warder
Men shook as she gave them an order
------------------
And gave them that look
-----------------------------------
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


Big Betty was a prison warder
Men shook as she gave them an order
If she picked on a crook
And gave them that look
-----------------------------------

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

Big Betty was a prison warder
Men shook as she gave them an order
If she picked on a crook
And gave them that look
The brave ones went over and pawed 'er


I don't think I'd like being in jail
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
tafkaj

[Taking the initiative ... :$ ]

I might be e'en slower than a snail
-------------------------------------------------
----------------------
----------------------
I don't think I'd like being in jail.


Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar

I might be e'en slower than a snail
meticulously leaving a trail
----------------------
----------------------
I don't think I'd like being in jail.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


I might be e'en slower than a snail
meticulously leaving a trail
----------------------
But nevertheless
I don't think I'd like being in jail.

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

I might be e'en slower than a snail
meticulously leaving a trail
Of rancid slimyness
But nevertheless
I don't think I'd like being in jail.


The girl of his dreams was called Bess
-----------------------------------------------
----------------------------
----------------------------
-----------------------------------------------



Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


The girl of his dreams was called Bess
She appeared there in states of undress
----------------------------
----------------------------
-----------------------------------------------

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar

The girl of his dreams was called Bess
She appeared there in states of undress
.......................................
Whilst beckoning him come
-----------------------------------------------
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

The girl of his dreams was called Bess
She appeared there in states of undress
She whispered: "keep mum"
Whilst beckoning him come
-----------------------------------------------
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar

The girl of his dreams was called Bess
She appeared there in states of undress
She whispered: "keep mum"
Whilst beckoning him come
Forcing him all his desires to confess
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar

The Trade Unions are marching today
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
tafkaj

[Oh, fer Chrissakes!!]

The Trade Unions are marching today
-------------------------------------------
---------------------------------
---------------------------------
In an idiosyncratic way.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

The Trade Unions are marching today
----------------------------------------------
Something to do with the cuts
---------------------------------
In an idiosyncratic way.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Norm Deplume
Member Avatar

The Trade Unions are marching today
It's a pity that they didn't just go away
Something to do with the cuts
---------------------------------
In an idiosyncratic way.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


The Trade Unions are marching today
It's a pity that they didn't just go away
Something to do with the cuts
At least they've got up off their butts
In an idiosyncratic way.

(I assume the normal rules of scansion were suspended for that one.)


----------------------------------
----------------------------------
--------------------
--------------------
Because there's a bee in his bonnet.

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar





Whilst composing a lovestruck sonnet
.....................................................
..............
..............
Because there's a bee in his bonnet




Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

Whilst composing a lovestruck sonnet
Though nothing too histrionic
................................
................................
Because there's a bee in his bonnet

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar

Whilst composing a lovestruck sonnet
Though nothing too histrionic
Shakespeare cleared his throat
................................
Because there's a bee in his bonnet
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Norm Deplume
Member Avatar

Whilst composing a lovestruck sonnet
Though nothing too histrionic
Shakespeare cleared his throat
Though never a quote
Because there's a bee in his bonnet



There's snow on the way by the weekend
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


There's snow on the way by the weekend
But no need to go off at the deep end
----------------------
----------------------
--------------------------------------

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

There's snow on the way by the weekend
But no need to go off at the deep end
Just fasten your skis
----------------------
--------------------------------------

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


There's snow on the way by the weekend
But no need to go off at the deep end
Just fasten your skis
And gird up your knees
-------------------------------------

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar

There's snow on the way by the weekend
But no need to go off at the deep end
Just fasten your skis
And gird up your knees
Trying not to fall at the first bend


***************************

My friends say I'm "fraffly well spoken"
...................................................
...............
...............
...................................................
Edited by Mobson, Oct 23 2012, 07:57 AM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Norm Deplume
Member Avatar

My friends say I'm "fraffly well spoken"
Gerraway! They've got to be jokin'
.............
...............
...................................................
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
tafkaj

My friends say I'm "fraffly well spoken"
Gerraway! They've got to be jokin'
.............
...............
As a working class gal, I'm a token.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


My friends say I'm "fraffly well spoken"
Gerraway! They've got to be jokin'
When I say my 'R's
...............
As a working class gal, I'm a token.

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Norm Deplume
Member Avatar


My friends say I'm "fraffly well spoken"
Gerraway! They've got to be jokin'
When I say my 'R's
All I hear are "AAAH's"
As a working class gal, I'm a token.



My working class roots, let me down






Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Norm Deplume
Member Avatar

My working class roots, let me down
I'm walking around with a frown
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mobson
Member Avatar

My working class roots, let me down
I'm walking around with a frown
..........................
Must get a face lift
..............................................
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dai Cottomy
Member Avatar

My working class roots, let me down
I'm walking around with a frown
To get it to shift
Must get a face lift
..............................................
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
waiting4atickle
Member Avatar


My working class roots, let me down
I'm walking around with a frown
To get it to shift
Must get a face lift
Or go out for a night on the town.


There was a young man from Dun Laoghaire
--------------------------------
----------------
----------------
--------------------------------

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
Go to Next Page
« Previous Topic · Mornington Crescent · Next Topic »
Add Reply