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Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 12:55 PM (26,607 Views)
dai Cottomy
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waiting4atickle Yesterday, 1:36 PM Post #2792



It's awful, the lies that we tell
And maybe we'll all go to Hell
So always tell the Truth
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Mobson
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His embarrassment knew no bounds
Edited by Mobson, Aug 18 2015, 06:12 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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His embarrassment knew no bounds
He let forth several strangled sounds
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Mobson
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His embarrassment knew no bounds
He let forth several strangled sounds
......
......
Then he leapt off the cliff and drowns
Edited by Mobson, Aug 21 2015, 09:28 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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His embarrassment knew no bounds
He let forth several strangled sounds
And quick as a flash
......
Then he leapt off the cliff and drowns
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dai Cottomy
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His embarrassment knew no bounds
He let forth several strangled sounds
And quick as a flash
He ate sausage and mash
Then he leapt off the cliff and drowns

A mini-cab driver from Brighton
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Mobson
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A mini-cab driver from Brighton
............................................
........
........
All his passengers did frighten
Edited by Mobson, Aug 23 2015, 11:37 PM.
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Reg Chronotis

A mini-cab driver from Brighton
When cornering, said "That's a tight 'un!"
........
........
All his passengers did frighten
Edited by Reg Chronotis, Aug 26 2015, 12:18 AM.
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Mobson
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Reg Chronotis
Aug 26 2015, 12:14 AM
A mini-cab driver from Brighton
When cornering, said "That's a tight 'un!
........
........
All his passengers he did frighten


Hi Reg...I've added 'he' to my last line... ;)
Edited by Mobson, Aug 26 2015, 01:28 PM.
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Mobson
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A mini-cab driver from Brighton
When cornering, said "That's a tight 'un!
He careered, he swerved
........
All his passengers he did frighten
Edited by Mobson, Aug 26 2015, 01:28 PM.
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Reg Chronotis

A mini-cab driver from Brighton
When cornering, said "That's a tight 'un!
He careered, he swerved
He seemed quite unnerved
All his passengers he did frighten


............................................
When she suddenly shuddered and froze
..........................
..........................
............................................
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Mobson
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............................................
When she suddenly shuddered and froze
..........................
..........................
Panic over, she started to wiggle her toes
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Reg Chronotis

Aunt Cecilia was cutting a rose
When she suddenly shuddered and froze
..........................
..........................
Panic over, she started to wiggle her toes
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Mobson
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Aunt Cecilia was cutting a rose
When she suddenly shuddered and froze
Nearly cutting off her thumb
..........................
Panic over, she started to wiggle her toes
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dai Cottomy
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Aunt Cecilia was cutting a rose
When she suddenly shuddered and froze
Nearly cutting off her thumb
Then coming over all numb
Panic over, she started to wiggle her toes


She decided to build a brick wall
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waiting4atickle
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She decided to build a brick wall
But pride often goes 'fore a fall
....................
....................
........................................

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Reg Chronotis

She decided to build a brick wall
But pride often goes 'fore a fall.
Though 'twas not she who fell
....................
........................................
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waiting4atickle
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She decided to build a brick wall
But pride often goes 'fore a fall.
Though 'twas not she who fell
'Twas a twerp in a shell
........................................
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dai Cottomy
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She decided to build a brick wall
But pride often goes 'fore a fall.
Though 'twas not she who fell
'Twas a twerp in a shell
Who thought it was the Royal Albert Hall


A retired stock broker from Devon
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waiting4atickle
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A retired stock broker from Devon
...............................
...............
...............
Still makes money 24/7.

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dai Cottomy
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A retired stock broker from Devon
Died, and went straight up to heaven
..................
..................
Still makes money 24/7.
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waiting4atickle
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A retired stock broker from Devon
Died, and went straight up to heaven
..................
But his portfolio
Still makes money 24/7.

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dai Cottomy
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A retired stock broker from Devon
Died, and went straight up to heaven
Cause of death, polio
But his portfolio
Still makes money 24/7.


A chiropodist named Arthur Blake
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waiting4atickle
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A chiropodist named Arthur Blake
Was dismayed when his hands 'gan to shake
.....................
.....................
.......................................

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dai Cottomy
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A chiropodist named Arthur Blake
Was dismayed when his hands 'gan to shake
When he cut off a toe
.....................
.......................................
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waiting4atickle
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A chiropodist named Arthur Blake
Was dismayed when his hands 'gan to shake
When he cut off a toe
The blood started to flow
.......................................

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dai Cottomy
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A chiropodist named Arthur Blake
Was dismayed when his hands 'gan to shake
When he cut off a toe
The blood started to flow
He cried "oops, what a silly mistake!"


Octavia lived in Seattle

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dai Cottomy
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Octavia lived in Seattle
................................
.........................
.........................
And a herd of Jersey cattle
Edited by dai Cottomy, Oct 20 2015, 04:19 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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Octavia lived in Seattle
And dreamed about Simon Rattle
.........................
.........................
And a herd of Jersey cattle
Edited by waiting4atickle, Oct 20 2015, 09:59 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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Octavia lived in Seattle
And dreamed about Simon Rattle
Playing poker she won
.........................
And a herd of Jersey cattle
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Mobson
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Octavia lived in Seattle
And dreamed about Simon Rattle
Playing poker she won
A baton from her son
And a herd of Jersey cattle


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


She decided to seek him in Berlin
Edited by Mobson, Nov 18 2015, 10:12 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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She decided to seek him in Berlin
So she set off with her violin
............................
............................
.............................................
Edited by dai Cottomy, Nov 19 2015, 10:48 PM.
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Mobson
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She decided to seek him in Berlin
So she set off with her violin
............................
Her dream came to fruition
.............................................
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dai Cottomy
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She decided to seek him in Berlin
So she set off with her violin
With expert tuition
Her dream came to fruition <violin>
.............................................
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Mobson
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She decided to seek him in Berlin
So she set off with her violin
With expert tuition
Her dream came to fruition
And Reader, she's now married him! <violin>


Of course that last bits not true!
Edited by Mobson, Nov 30 2015, 03:37 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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Of course that last bit's not true!
------------------------------------
------------------------
------------------------
So don't let us get into a stew
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Reg Chronotis

Of course that last bit's not true!
------------------------------------
------------------------
But it's good for a laugh,
So don't let us get into a stew.
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dai Cottomy
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Of course that last bit's not true!
Whoever thought so hasn't a clue
------------------------
But it's good for a laugh,
So don't let us get into a stew.
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Reg Chronotis

Of course that last bit's not true!
Whoever thought so hasn't a clue
Too fantastic by half,
But it's good for a laugh,
So don't let us get into a stew.


While stewing some apples for a pie,
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dai Cottomy
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While stewing some apples for a pie,
Something peculiar caught my eye
-------------------------------
-------------------------------
------------------------------------------
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Mobson
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While stewing some apples for a pie,
Something peculiar caught my eye
So just for a laugh
-------------------------------
------------------------------------------
Edited by Mobson, Dec 25 2015, 05:08 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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While stewing some apples for a pie,
Something peculiar caught my eye
So just for a laugh
I took a photograph
------------------------------------------
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Mobson
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While stewing some apples for a pie,
Something peculiar caught my eye
So just for a laugh
I took a photograph
Which made me laugh till I cry



********************************


The Queen is about to take to the air



Edited by Mobson, Dec 25 2015, 02:58 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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The Queen is about to take to the air
After munching a chocolate éclair
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Mobson
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The Queen is about to take to the air
After munching a chocolate éclair
..............................
Ensuring teeth flossed
...................................................
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dai Cottomy
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The Queen is about to take to the air
After munching a chocolate éclair
With all fingers crossed
Ensuring teeth flossed
...................................................
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Mobson
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The Queen is about to take to the air
After munching a chocolate éclair
With all fingers crossed
Ensuring teeth flossed
She commences with her glazed stare
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Mobson
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Two days to go till New Year
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Reg Chronotis

Two days to go till New Year
................................
.....................
.....................
Now it seems we have missed it. Oh dear!
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dai Cottomy
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Two days to go till New Year
I vowed to give up drinking beer
.....................
.....................
Now it seems we have missed it. Oh dear
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waiting4atickle
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Two days to go till New Year
I vowed to give up drinking beer
Then I thought, "What the heck!"
.....................
Now it seems we have missed it. Oh dear

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dai Cottomy
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Two days to go till New Year
I vowed to give up drinking beer
Then I thought, "What the heck!
Let's stick out my neck"
Now it seems we have missed it. Oh dear



I thought I'd try brewing my own
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waiting4atickle
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I thought I'd try brewing my own
-------------------------------
---------------
---------------
You should have heard everyone groan.

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dai Cottomy
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I thought I'd try brewing my own
All my pals I started to phone
---------------
---------------
You should have heard everyone groan.
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waiting4atickle
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I thought I'd try brewing my own
All my pals I started to phone
I bought all the kit
---------------
You should have heard everyone groan.

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dai Cottomy
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I thought I'd try brewing my own
All my pals I started to phone
I bought all the kit
But made a mess of it
You should have heard everyone groan.


A pub landlord decided to try



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Mobson
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A pub landlord decided to try
A gimmick to entice passers-by
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Mobson
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A pub landlord decided to try
A gimmick to entice passers-by
............................
With a pole dancing bear
............................................
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dai Cottomy
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A pub landlord decided to try
A gimmick to entice passers-by
----------------------
With a pole dancing bear
And a pig who could actually fly
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Mobson
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A pub landlord decided to try
A gimmick to entice passers-by
A bearded lady called Clare
With a pole dancing bear
And a pig who could actually fly
Edited by Mobson, Jan 23 2016, 02:19 AM.
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Mobson
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Although the landlady wasn't too keen
Edited by Mobson, Jan 23 2016, 02:21 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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Although the landlady wasn't too keen
She was anxious not to seem mean
------------------------------
------------------------------
------------------------------------------
Edited by dai Cottomy, Feb 13 2016, 06:04 PM.
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Mobson
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Although the landlady wasn't too keen
She was anxious not to seem mean
------------------------------
but the landlord had erred
--------------------------------------------
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dai Cottomy
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Although the landlady wasn't too keen
She was anxious not to seem mean
------------------------------
but the landlord had erred
And his comment was rather obscene
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Mobson
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Although the landlady wasn't too keen
She was anxious not to seem mean
Ignoring what had occurred
But the landlord had erred
And his comment was rather obscene



.......................................................
Nearly time for the annual Spring Clean
................
................
........................................................
Edited by Mobson, Feb 17 2016, 09:39 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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.......................................................
Nearly time for the annual Spring Clean
So pick up your mop
................
........................................................
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Mobson
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.......................................................
Nearly time for the annual Spring Clean
So pick up your mop
Soaked with water and slop
.......................................................
Edited by Mobson, Mar 10 2016, 03:06 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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.......................................................
Nearly time for the annual Spring Clean
So pick up your mop
Soaked with water and slop
And clean off the stains of nicotine
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Mobson
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The first day of Spring must mean
Nearly time for the annual Spring Clean
So pick up your mop
Soaked with water and slop
And clean off the stains of nicotine
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Mobson
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...........................................
Book that break in the sun
........
........
.........................................
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dai Cottomy
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Mobs I hope you will forgive the liberty, but I added a couple of syllables to line two



.........................................
Time to book that break in the sun
------
........
We're only here once so have fun
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Mobson
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<ok>

Now the holiday season's begun
Time to book that break in the sun
------
........
We're only here once so have fun
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dai Cottomy
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Now the holiday season's begun
Time to book that break in the sun
Barbados or Greece?
........
We're only here once so have fun
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Mobson
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Now the holiday season's begun
Time to book that break in the sun
Barbados or Greece?
Or maybe Tunis
We're only here once so have fun
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Mobson
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The music shops of Denmark Street
Edited by Mobson, Mar 22 2016, 07:34 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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The music shops of Denmark Street
Where pop musicians used to meet
----------------------------
----------------------------
----------------------------------------
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waiting4atickle
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The music shops of Denmark Street
Where pop musicians used to meet
Are closing one by one
----------------------------
----------------------------------------


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dai Cottomy
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The music shops of Denmark Street
Where pop musicians used to meet
Are closing one by one
And soon there will be none
----------------------------------------
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Mobson
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The music shops of Denmark Street
Where pop musicians used to meet
Are closing one by one
And soon there will be none
No soul, No music, No beat <cool>
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Mobson
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The man who brought jihad to Britain
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waiting4atickle
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The man who brought jihad to Britain
Deserves to have his balls bitten
-------------
-------------
-----------------------------

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dai Cottomy
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The man who brought jihad to Britain
Deserves to have his balls bitten
-------------
-------------
And fed to an oversized kitten
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waiting4atickle
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The man who brought jihad to Britain
Deserves to have his balls bitten
By a British bulldog
-------------
And fed to an oversized kitten

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dai Cottomy
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The man who brought jihad to Britain
Deserves to have his balls bitten
By a British bulldog
Tenderised with a log
And fed to an oversized kitten


A sturdy young chap from Penzance
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Mobson
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A sturdy young chap from Penzance
Had a penchant for snazzy pants
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dai Cottomy
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A sturdy young chap from Penzance
Had a penchant for snazzy pants
Some were green with red spots
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Mobson
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A sturdy young chap from Penzance
Had a penchant for snazzy pants
Some were green with red spots
Others patterned with dots
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dai Cottomy
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A sturdy young chap from Penzance
Had a penchant for snazzy pants
Some were green with red spots
Others patterned with dots
That were really a swarm of red ants



A winsome young maiden from Kerry

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Mobson
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A winsome young maiden from Kerry
Eyed a young lad with which to make merry
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dai Cottomy
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A winsome young maiden from Kerry
Eyed a young lad with which to make merry
--------------------------------
--------------------------------
She discovered that she'd lost her cherry
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waiting4atickle
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A winsome young maiden from Kerry
Eyed a young lad with which to make merry
--------------------------------
With a Bakewell tart
She discovered that she'd lost her cherry

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dai Cottomy
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A winsome young maiden from Kerry
Eyed a young lad with which to make merry
After she melted his heart
With a Bakewell tart
She discovered that she'd lost her cherry


A plain clothes detective named Stan


.
Edited by dai Cottomy, May 19 2016, 10:27 PM.
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Mobson
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A plain clothes detective named Stan
....................................................
Of guns he was no fan
...............................
....................................................
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dai Cottomy
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A slight alteration to make it a bit more limerickish, Mobs


A plain clothes detective named Stan
Of guns he was never a fan
................................
................................
He drove off in a furniture van
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Caro

A plain clothes detective named Stan
Of guns he was never a fan
................................
But then in a rage
He drove off in a furniture van
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dai Cottomy
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A plain clothes detective named Stan
Of guns he was never a fan
Because of his age
But then in a rage
He drove off in a furniture van

My favourite fish is the hake

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waiting4atickle
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My favourite fish is the hake
But you won't catch them in the lake
-----------
-----------
---------------------

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dai Cottomy
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My favourite fish is the hake
But you won't catch them in the lake
They prefer the ocean
------------------
-------------------------------------
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Douglas
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My favourite fish is the hake
But you won't catch them in the lake
They prefer the ocean
But make a commotion
-------------------------------------
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dai Cottomy
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My favourite fish is the hake
But you won't catch them in the lake
They prefer the ocean
But make a commotion
If you put them in the oven to bake


I'm a good cook, so my friends say
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waiting4atickle
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<laugh>

I'm a good cook, so my friends say
The ones who've survived anyway
--------------
--------------
------------------------------

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