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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 12:55 PM (26,606 Views) | |
| dai Cottomy | Sep 18 2012, 12:55 PM Post #1 |
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waiting4atickle Yesterday, 1:36 PM Post #2792 It's awful, the lies that we tell And maybe we'll all go to Hell So always tell the Truth |
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| dai Cottomy | Aug 3 2016, 09:29 PM Post #2001 |
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I'm a good cook, so my friends say The ones who've survived anyway -------------- -------------- I won first prize with my soufflé |
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| waiting4atickle | Aug 4 2016, 12:03 AM Post #2002 |
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I'm a good cook, so my friends say The ones who've survived anyway I don't like to boast -------------- I won first prize with my soufflé |
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| Mobson | Aug 6 2016, 03:40 AM Post #2003 |
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I'm a good cook, so my friends say The ones who've survived anyway I don't like to boast But as well as a roast I won first prize with my soufflé My puddings are a real treat Edited by Mobson, Aug 6 2016, 01:52 PM.
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| dai Cottomy | Aug 9 2016, 07:41 PM Post #2004 |
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My puddings are a real treat Especially when fruity and sweet ------------------- ------------------- ---------------------------------- Edited by dai Cottomy, Aug 9 2016, 07:49 PM.
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| Douglas | Aug 12 2016, 12:39 PM Post #2005 |
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My puddings are a real treat Especially when fruity and sweet But when bitter and tart ------------------- ---------------------------------- Edited by Douglas, Aug 12 2016, 12:43 PM.
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| dai Cottomy | Aug 12 2016, 04:32 PM Post #2006 |
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My puddings are a real treat Especially when fruity and sweet But when bitter and tart ------------------- Why not try something else to eat? |
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| Douglas | Aug 13 2016, 09:46 AM Post #2007 |
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My puddings are a real treat Especially when fruity and sweet But when bitter and tart, I've sure lost the art. Why not try something else to eat? Last night, at the Charity Ball, -------------------------------- ----------------------- ----------------------- -------------------------------- Edited by Douglas, Aug 13 2016, 09:49 AM.
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| Douglas | Aug 13 2016, 01:58 PM Post #2008 |
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Last night, at the Charity Ball, I stood all alone by the wall. ----------------------- ----------------------- -------------------------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Aug 13 2016, 04:28 PM Post #2009 |
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Last night, at the Charity Ball, I stood all alone by the wall. A girl asked me to dance ----------------------- -------------------------------- |
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| Douglas | Aug 13 2016, 04:55 PM Post #2010 |
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Last night, at the Charity Ball, I stood all alone by the wall. A girl asked me to dance I leapt at the chance -------------------------------- |
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| Douglas | Aug 13 2016, 05:08 PM Post #2011 |
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Last night, at the Charity Ball, I stood all alone by the wall. A girl asked me to dance I leapt at the chance. We left after twice round the hall !!! Last night, by the light of the moon, -------------------------------- ----------------------- ----------------------- -------------------------------- Edited by Douglas, Aug 13 2016, 05:09 PM.
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| dai Cottomy | Aug 14 2016, 02:08 PM Post #2012 |
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Last night, by the light of the moon, I looked up and saw a red balloon ----------------------- ----------------------- -------------------------------- |
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| Douglas | Aug 14 2016, 09:44 PM Post #2013 |
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Last night, by the light of the moon, I looked up and saw a red balloon 'Twas so big and round ----------------------- -------------------------------- |
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| Douglas | Aug 16 2016, 05:54 PM Post #2014 |
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Last night, by the light of the moon, I looked up and saw a red balloon 'Twas so big and round But it made not a sound -------------------------------- |
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| Douglas | Aug 18 2016, 09:24 AM Post #2015 |
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Last night, by the light of the moon, I looked up and saw a red balloon 'Twas so big and round But it made not a sound As it drifted away to Troon. There once was a singer called Stewart Edited by Douglas, Aug 18 2016, 09:27 AM.
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| dai Cottomy | Aug 18 2016, 10:46 AM Post #2016 |
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There once was a singer called Stewart Whose vocal sounds sometimes do hurt |
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| Douglas | Aug 18 2016, 03:39 PM Post #2017 |
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There once was a singer called Stewart Whose vocal sounds sometimes do hurt So they sent him away |
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| dai Cottomy | Aug 18 2016, 08:06 PM Post #2018 |
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There once was a singer called Stewart Whose vocal sounds sometimes do hurt So they sent him away To Guantánamo Bay |
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| Douglas | Aug 18 2016, 09:11 PM Post #2019 |
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There once was a singer called Stewart Whose vocal sounds sometimes do hurt So they sent him away To Guantánamo Bay Where they used him to practice some new art. I longed for a life free of care |
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| dai Cottomy | Aug 19 2016, 01:02 PM Post #2020 |
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I longed for a life free of care So I decided to cut off my hair -------------------------- -------------------------- ---------------------------------- Edited by dai Cottomy, Aug 19 2016, 01:03 PM.
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| Douglas | Aug 19 2016, 01:24 PM Post #2021 |
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I longed for a life free of care So I decided to cut off my hair And just wear a wig --------------------- ---------------------------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Aug 19 2016, 02:24 PM Post #2022 |
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I longed for a life free of care So I decided to cut off my hair And just wear a wig While dancing a jig ----------------------------------- |
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| Douglas | Aug 19 2016, 02:48 PM Post #2023 |
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I longed for a life free of care So I decided to cut off my hair And just wear a wig While dancing a jig. I always make sure I've a spare. One day, on my way to the bank, ----------------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Aug 19 2016, 06:36 PM Post #2024 |
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One day, on my way to the bank, I got hit on the head by a plank ------------------------- ------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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| Douglas | Aug 19 2016, 09:28 PM Post #2025 |
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One day, on my way to the bank, I got hit on the head by a plank. It knocked me out cold ------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Aug 20 2016, 12:42 PM Post #2026 |
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One day, on my way to the bank, I got hit on the head by a plank. It knocked me out cold Let the story unfold ----------------------------------------- |
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| Douglas | Aug 20 2016, 04:35 PM Post #2027 |
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One day, on my way to the bank, I got hit on the head by a plank. It knocked me out cold Let the story unfold It seems it was done as a prank. I think there's only thee and me ------------------------------------- --------------------------- --------------------------- ------------------------------------- Edited by Douglas, Aug 20 2016, 05:17 PM.
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| dai Cottomy | Aug 22 2016, 04:52 PM Post #2028 |
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I think there's only thee and me ------------------------------------- --------------------------- --------------------------- Move along there, there's nothing to see |
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| Douglas | Aug 22 2016, 05:32 PM Post #2029 |
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I think there's only thee and me But wait ! There's he and she --------------------------- --------------------------- Move along there, there's nothing to see |
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| waiting4atickle | Aug 22 2016, 05:45 PM Post #2030 |
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I think there's only thee and me But wait ! There's he and she They may be imposters --------------------------- Move along there, there's nothing to see |
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| Douglas | Aug 22 2016, 10:16 PM Post #2031 |
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I think there's only thee and me But wait ! There's he and she They may be imposters But the image it fosters ! Move along there, there's nothing to see. There was a young man called Colquhoun ------------------------------------- --------------------------- --------------------------- ------------------------------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Aug 23 2016, 01:29 AM Post #2032 |
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There was a young man called Colquhoun Who could play tunes on his teeth with a spoon --------------------------- --------------------------- ------------------------------------- |
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| Douglas | Aug 23 2016, 10:30 AM Post #2033 |
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There was a young man called Colquhoun Who could play tunes on his teeth with a spoon Both Schubert and Liszt --------------------------- ------------------------------------- |
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| waiting4atickle | Aug 23 2016, 02:43 PM Post #2034 |
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There was a young man called Colquhoun Who could play tunes on his teeth with a spoon Both Schubert and Liszt And, when he was pissed, ------------------------------------- |
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| Douglas | Aug 23 2016, 03:52 PM Post #2035 |
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There was a young man called Colquhoun Who could play tunes on his teeth with a spoon Both Schubert and Liszt And, when he was pissed, He'd try to play the bassoon. There was a young fellow from Staines ----------------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- --------------------------------------- Edited by Douglas, Aug 23 2016, 03:54 PM.
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| dai Cottomy | Aug 23 2016, 04:34 PM Post #2036 |
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There was a young fellow from Staines Who liked being tied up in chains ------------------------- ------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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| Douglas | Aug 23 2016, 07:06 PM Post #2037 |
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There was a young fellow from Staines Who liked being tied up in chains ------------------------- ------------------------- And paid her a quid for her pains. |
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| waiting4atickle | Aug 23 2016, 11:52 PM Post #2038 |
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There was a young fellow from Staines Who liked being tied up in chains He asked a young lass ------------------------- And paid her a quid for her pains. |
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| dai Cottomy | Aug 24 2016, 12:00 PM Post #2039 |
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There was a young fellow from Staines Who liked being tied up in chains He asked a young lass Who happened to pass And paid her a quid for her pains. A stockbroker from Surrey named Jones |
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| Douglas | Aug 24 2016, 12:11 PM Post #2040 |
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A stockbroker from Surrey named Jones Was told that he had kidney stones ---------------------- ---------------------- -------------------------------------- |
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| waiting4atickle | Aug 24 2016, 12:22 PM Post #2041 |
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A stockbroker from Surrey named Jones Was told that he had kidney stones ---------------------- ---------------------- She said, in the most dulcet tones. |
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| Douglas | Aug 24 2016, 12:40 PM Post #2042 |
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A stockbroker from Surrey named Jones Was told that he had kidney stones ---------------------- "They'll only get worse" She said, in the most dulcet tones. |
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| waiting4atickle | Aug 24 2016, 10:31 PM Post #2043 |
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A stockbroker from Surrey named Jones Was told that he had kidney stones When he spoke to the nurse, "They'll only get worse" She said, in the most dulcet tones. ---------------------------- ---------------------------- -------------- But, believe it or not, ---------------------------- |
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| Douglas | Aug 24 2016, 10:45 PM Post #2044 |
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There was an old fellow from Fife ---------------------------- -------------- But, believe it or not, ---------------------------- |
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| waiting4atickle | Aug 24 2016, 10:56 PM Post #2045 |
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There was an old fellow from Fife ---------------------------- -------------- But, believe it or not, He was having the time of his life. |
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| Douglas | Aug 24 2016, 10:59 PM Post #2046 |
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There was an old fellow from Fife Who had an obstreperous wife -------------- But, believe it or not, He was having the time of his life. |
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| Douglas | Aug 26 2016, 12:36 PM Post #2047 |
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There was an old fellow from Fife Who had an obstreperous wife She called him a clot But, believe it or not, He was having the time of his life. One night, while out on the spree ---------------------------- ---------------- ---------------- ---------------------------- |
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| Caro | Aug 27 2016, 08:07 AM Post #2048 |
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One night, while out on the spree ---------------------------- ---------------- ---------------- And I at last could break free. |
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| dai Cottomy | Aug 27 2016, 10:17 AM Post #2049 |
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One night, while out on the spree I drank two bottles of Chablis ---------------- ---------------- And I at last could break free. |
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| Douglas | Aug 27 2016, 05:59 PM Post #2050 |
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One night, while out on the spree I drank two bottles of Chablis Then a bottle of Beaune ---------------- And I at last could break free. |
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| dai Cottomy | Aug 29 2016, 01:13 PM Post #2051 |
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One night, while out on the spree I drank two bottles of Chablis Then a bottle of Beaune Whilst on the 'phone And I at last could break free. An appalling old man from The Wirral ----------------------------------------- -------------------------- -------------------------- ----------------------------------------- Edited by dai Cottomy, Aug 29 2016, 01:15 PM.
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| Douglas | Aug 29 2016, 02:12 PM Post #2052 |
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An appalling old man from The Wirral Took a young lassie out for a whirl -------------------------- -------------------------- ----------------------------------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Aug 29 2016, 04:57 PM Post #2053 |
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An appalling old man from The Wirral Took a young lassie out for a whirl He said: "close your eyes" -------------------------- ----------------------------------------- |
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| Douglas | Aug 29 2016, 08:32 PM Post #2054 |
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An appalling old man from The Wirral Took a young lassie out for a whirl He said: "close your eyes" As he fondled her thighs ----------------------------------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Aug 30 2016, 11:03 AM Post #2055 |
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An appalling old man from The Wirral Took a young lassie out for a whirl He said: "close your eyes" As he fondled her thighs And got bitten by her pet squirrel A sweet little old lady from Brent -------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ---------------------------- -------------------------------------- Edited by dai Cottomy, Aug 30 2016, 11:05 AM.
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| Douglas | Aug 30 2016, 12:41 PM Post #2056 |
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A sweet little old lady from Brent Decided to sleep in a tent ---------------------------- ---------------------------- -------------------------------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Aug 30 2016, 01:21 PM Post #2057 |
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A sweet little old lady from Brent Decided to sleep in a tent In the wee small hours ---------------------------- -------------------------------------- |
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| Douglas | Aug 30 2016, 01:52 PM Post #2058 |
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A sweet little old lady from Brent Decided to sleep in a tent In the wee small hours Some violent showers -------------------------------------- |
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| Caro | Aug 31 2016, 10:29 PM Post #2059 |
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A sweet little old lady from Brent Decided to sleep in a tent In the wee small hours Some violent showers Made her seek out houses for lent. --------------------------- Today we are going to town ------------------ ------------------ --------------------------- Edited by Caro, Aug 31 2016, 10:30 PM.
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| Douglas | Aug 31 2016, 10:40 PM Post #2060 |
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I have an old friend called Brown. Today we are going to town ------------------ ------------------ --------------------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Sep 1 2016, 12:18 PM Post #2061 |
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I have an old friend called Brown. Today we are going to town ------------------ ------------------ At our age it's best to sit down |
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| Douglas | Sep 1 2016, 02:07 PM Post #2062 |
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I have an old friend called Brown. Today we are going to town ------------------ Though we're no that fu' At our age it's best to sit down |
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| dai Cottomy | Sep 1 2016, 09:38 PM Post #2063 |
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I have an old friend called Brown. Today we are going to town For a pint of brew (that's the best I can do) Though we're no that fu' At our age it's best to sit down An old gent who suffered from gout |
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| Douglas | Sep 1 2016, 10:37 PM Post #2064 |
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An old gent who suffered from gout Was prone to the drinking of stout ------------------------ ------------------------ --------------------------------------- |
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| Caro | Sep 3 2016, 02:18 AM Post #2065 |
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An old gent who suffered from gout Was prone to the drinking of stout ------------------------ He cried out, "Oh my!" --------------------------------------- |
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| Douglas | Sep 3 2016, 11:20 AM Post #2066 |
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An old gent who suffered from gout Was prone to the drinking of stout But when feeling dry, He cried out, "Oh my!" --------------------------------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Sep 4 2016, 12:54 AM Post #2067 |
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An old gent who suffered from gout Was prone to the drinking of stout But when feeling dry, He cried out, "Oh my! I think I'm about to conk out" A middle aged spinster from Reading |
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| Douglas | Sep 4 2016, 01:01 AM Post #2068 |
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A middle aged spinster from Reading Took the greatest of care with her bedding --------------------------------- --------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------ Edited by Douglas, Sep 4 2016, 01:04 AM.
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| dai Cottomy | Sep 4 2016, 11:28 AM Post #2069 |
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A middle aged spinster from Reading Took the greatest of care with her bedding --------------------------------- --------------------------------- The other she saved for her wedding |
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| Caro | Sep 5 2016, 04:52 AM Post #2070 |
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A middle aged spinster from Reading Took the greatest of care with her bedding --------------------------------- So she took one sheet off The other she saved for her wedding |
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| Douglas | Sep 5 2016, 10:45 PM Post #2071 |
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A middle aged spinster from Reading Took the greatest of care with her bedding She would marry a toff So she took one sheet off The other she saved for her wedding There was an old man called Dalziel ---------------------------------------- -------------------------- -------------------------- ---------------------------------------- Edited by Douglas, Sep 5 2016, 10:46 PM.
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| dai Cottomy | Sep 6 2016, 02:01 AM Post #2072 |
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There was an old man called Dalziel ---------------------------------------- His mate's name was Menzies -------------------------- ---------------------------------------- |
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| Douglas | Sep 6 2016, 10:49 AM Post #2073 |
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There was an old man called Dalziel --------------------------------------- His mate's name was Menzies Who asked what this thing is ---------------------------------------- Edited by Douglas, Sep 6 2016, 10:51 AM.
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| Caro | Sep 6 2016, 10:15 PM Post #2074 |
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There was an old man called Dalziel --------------------------------------- His mate's name was Menzies Who asked what this thing is And was told it was merely to kneel. (In New Zealand both Menzies and Dalziel are pronounced as they are spelt.) |
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| Douglas | Sep 6 2016, 10:57 PM Post #2075 |
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There was an old man called Dalziel Who feared he was destined for Hell His mate's name was Menzies Who asked what this thing is And was told it was merely to kneel. (In New Zealand both Menzies and Dalziel are pronounced as they are spelt.) There was a young fellow from Yoker ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------- ---------------------------- ----------------------------------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Sep 7 2016, 08:42 AM Post #2076 |
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There was a young fellow from Yoker Who won a fortune at poker ---------------------------- ---------------------------- ---------------------------------------- |
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| Douglas | Sep 7 2016, 09:35 AM Post #2077 |
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There was a young fellow from Yoker Who won a fortune at poker ---------------------------- ---------------------------- So he ended up as a stoker. |
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| dai Cottomy | Sep 8 2016, 10:27 AM Post #2078 |
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There was a young fellow from Yoker Who won a fortune at poker Then lost the whole lot ---------------------------- So he ended up as a stoker. |
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| Douglas | Sep 8 2016, 11:27 AM Post #2079 |
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There was a young fellow from Yoker Who won a fortune at poker Then lost the whole lot, Believe it or not, So he ended up as a stoker. There was a young man from Darjeeling ---------------------------------------- -------------------------------- -------------------------------- -------------------------------------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Sep 8 2016, 01:06 PM Post #2080 |
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There was a young man from Darjeeling Whose nose was perpetually peeling -------------------------------- -------------------------------- -------------------------------------------- |
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| Douglas | Sep 8 2016, 01:12 PM Post #2081 |
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There was a young man from Darjeeling Whose nose was perpetually peeling -------------------------------- -------------------------------- Which gave him a curious feeling. |
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| dai Cottomy | Sep 9 2016, 11:32 AM Post #2082 |
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There was a young man from Darjeeling Whose nose was perpetually peeling with a flick of the wrist -------------------------------- Which gave him a curious feeling. |
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| Douglas | Sep 9 2016, 12:17 PM Post #2083 |
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There was a young man from Darjeeling Whose nose was perpetually peeling with a flick of the wrist It fell on his chest Which gave him a curious feeling. One beautiful morning in June --------------------------------- ------------------------ ------------------------ --------------------------------- |
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| waiting4atickle | Sep 9 2016, 11:03 PM Post #2084 |
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One beautiful morning in June --------------------------------- ------------------------ ------------------------ And the dish ran away with the spoon. |
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| Douglas | Sep 10 2016, 12:35 AM Post #2085 |
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One beautiful morning in June, When paying a visit to Troon, ------------------------ ------------------------ And the dish ran away with the spoon. |
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| waiting4atickle | Sep 10 2016, 03:45 PM Post #2086 |
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One beautiful morning in June, When paying a visit to Troon, I reached for my brassie ------------------------ And the dish ran away with the spoon. |
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| Douglas | Sep 10 2016, 05:28 PM Post #2087 |
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One beautiful morning in June, When paying a visit to Troon, I reached for my brassie Then fell for a lassie And the dish ran away with the spoon. When playing a round on the course, -------------------------------- ----------------------- ----------------------- -------------------------------- Edited by Douglas, Sep 10 2016, 05:29 PM.
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| waiting4atickle | Sep 10 2016, 06:03 PM Post #2088 |
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When playing a round on the course, It's best to stay out of the gorse ----------------------- ----------------------- -------------------------------- |
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| Douglas | Sep 10 2016, 06:28 PM Post #2089 |
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When playing a round on the course, It's best to stay out of the gorse ----------------------- ----------------------- It just will give you cause for remorse |
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| waiting4atickle | Sep 10 2016, 11:33 PM Post #2090 |
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When playing a round on the course, It's best to stay out of the gorse Which is prickly and thorny ----------------------- It just will give you cause for remorse |
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| Caro | Sep 11 2016, 12:07 AM Post #2091 |
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When playing a round on the course, It's best to stay out of the gorse Which is prickly and thorny And what might sound corny It will just give you cause for remorse. ----------------------------- ----------------------------- She galloped along ------------------- ----------------------------- |
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| Douglas | Sep 11 2016, 12:13 AM Post #2092 |
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----------------------------- ----------------------------- She galloped along As she sang an old song ----------------------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Sep 11 2016, 01:11 AM Post #2093 |
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----------------------------- ----------------------------- She galloped along As she sang an old song The words of which were rather coarse |
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| Douglas | Sep 11 2016, 01:18 AM Post #2094 |
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----------------------------- When mounted upon her fine horse She galloped along As she sang an old song The words of which were rather coarse |
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| dai Cottomy | Sep 11 2016, 12:52 PM Post #2095 |
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One day in a fit of remorse When mounted upon her fine horse She galloped along As she sang an old song The words of which were rather coarse The lady of course was Godiva |
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| Douglas | Sep 11 2016, 02:46 PM Post #2096 |
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The lady of course was Godiva. T'was all for a bet of a fiver ------------------------ ------------------------ -------------------------------- Edited by Douglas, Sep 11 2016, 02:49 PM.
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| dai Cottomy | Sep 11 2016, 03:30 PM Post #2097 |
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The lady of course was Godiva. T'was all for a bet of a fiver ------------------------ ------------------------ "After that I need a reviver" |
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| waiting4atickle | Sep 11 2016, 04:15 PM Post #2098 |
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The lady of course was Godiva. T'was all for a bet of a fiver ------------------------ And Tom heard her say, "After that I need a reviver" |
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| Douglas | Sep 11 2016, 04:43 PM Post #2099 |
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The lady of course was Godiva. T'was all for a bet of a fiver But it took her all day And Tom heard her say, "After that I need a reviver" There was an old fellow from Luton ------------------------------------- --------------------------- --------------------------- -------------------------------------- |
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| waiting4atickle | Sep 11 2016, 06:15 PM Post #2100 |
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There was an old fellow from Luton ------------------------------------- --------------------------- --------------------------- And now he's allergic to gluten. |
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7:03 AM Jul 13