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Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 12:55 PM (26,603 Views)
dai Cottomy
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waiting4atickle Yesterday, 1:36 PM Post #2792



It's awful, the lies that we tell
And maybe we'll all go to Hell
So always tell the Truth
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Caro

There was once a surgeon called Miles
Who developed a bad case of piles
-----------------
Effected a cure
Which filled the practitioner's files.
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Douglas
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There was once a surgeon called Miles
Who developed a bad case of piles
A colleague, McClure,
Effected a cure
Which filled the practitioner's files.

There was a young fellow from Kent
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waiting4atickle
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There was a young fellow from Kent
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But, alas, all the money was spent.

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Caro

There was a young fellow from Kent
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He found his old purse
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But, alas, all the money was spent.
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dai Cottomy
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There was a young fellow from Kent
Who had problems paying his rent
He found his old purse
------------------------------
But, alas, all the money was spent.

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Douglas
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There was a young fellow from Kent
Who had problems paying his rent
He found his old purse,
A gift from his nurse,
But, alas, all the money was spent.

There was an old fellow called Fred
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dai Cottomy
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There was an old fellow called Fred
Whose weakness was smoking in bed
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Caro

There was an old fellow called Fred
Whose weakness was smoking in bed
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It went up in flames
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Douglas
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There was an old fellow called Fred
Whose weakness was smoking in bed
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It went up in flames
And now the poor fellow is dead.
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dai Cottomy
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There was an old fellow called Fred
Whose weakness was smoking in bed
While playing some games
It went up in flames
And now the poor fellow is dead.


An elderly Rabbi called Sam
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waiting4atickle
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An elderly Rabbi called Sam
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And gave thanks to the great I AM.

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dai Cottomy
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An elderly Rabbi called Sam
Got told off for eating some spam
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And gave thanks to the great I AM.
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waiting4atickle
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An elderly Rabbi called Sam
Got told off for eating some spam
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Then fried up some fritters
And gave thanks to the great I AM.

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Douglas
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An elderly Rabbi called Sam
Got told off for eating some spam
He'd a fit of the jitters
Then fried up some fritters
And gave thanks to the great I AM.

There was a young fellow from Dover
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dai Cottomy
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There was a young fellow from Dover
Who sported a yellow pullover
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Douglas
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There was a young fellow from Dover
Who sported a yellow pullover
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Pursued by a large dog called Rover.
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dai Cottomy
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There was a young fellow from Dover
Who sported a yellow pullover
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He went for a run
Pursued by a large dog called Rover.
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Douglas
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There was a young fellow from Dover
Who sported a yellow pullover
At the rise of the sun
He went for a run
Pursued by a large dog called Rover.

There was an old man from Rangoon
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dai Cottomy
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There was an old man from Rangoon
Who took to his bed in the monsoon
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Douglas
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There was an old man from Rangoon
Who took to his bed in the monsoon
When the river arose
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dai Cottomy
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There was an old man from Rangoon
Who took to his bed in the monsoon
When the river arose
And reached to his nose
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Mobson
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There was an old man from Rangoon
Who took to his bed in the monsoon
When the river arose
And reached to his nose
He was saved by a passing baboon
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Mobson
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..................................................
..................................................
To avoid the passing debris
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..................................................
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Caro

..................................................
With such a big mess it was hard
To avoid the passing debris
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..................................................
Edited by Caro, Apr 17 2017, 11:15 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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A bomb went off in my yard
With such a big mess it was hard
To avoid the passing debris
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..................................................
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Douglas
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A bomb went off in my yard
With such a big mess it was hard
To avoid the passing debris
......................................
You never must let up your guard.
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dai Cottomy
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I took the liberty in the interests of metrical pattern to edit line 3


A bomb went off in my yard
With such a big mess it was hard
To avoid the debris
I think you'll agree
You never must let up your guard.


An ancient saggar maker from Stoke
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Douglas
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An ancient saggar maker from Stoke
Was a really remarkable bloke
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dai Cottomy
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An ancient saggar maker from Stoke
Was a really remarkable bloke
When making a pot
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Douglas
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An ancient saggar maker from Stoke
Was a really remarkable bloke
When making a pot
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He thought it a wonderful joke
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dai Cottomy
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An ancient saggar maker from Stoke
Was a really remarkable bloke
When making a pot
He got very hot
He thought it a wonderful joke


There was a young lady named Rose
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Edited by dai Cottomy, Apr 27 2017, 09:42 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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There was a young lady named Rose
Who liked to remove all her clothes
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dai Cottomy
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There was a young lady named Rose
Who liked to remove all her clothes
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And Adopted an Artistic Pose
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Douglas
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There was a young lady named Rose
Who liked to remove all her clothes
One day, for a lark
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And Adopted an Artistic Pose
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dai Cottomy
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There was a young lady named Rose
Who liked to remove all her clothes
One day, for a lark
She stripped in the park
And adopted an artistic pose


After a while, a crowd gathered there
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Edited by dai Cottomy, Apr 28 2017, 04:09 PM.
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Douglas
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After a while, a crowd gathered there
Amazed to see a figure so bare
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waiting4atickle
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After a while, a crowd gathered there
Amazed to see a figure so bare
A dog bared its teeth
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Douglas
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After a while, a crowd gathered there
Amazed to see a figure so bare
A dog bared its teeth
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She escaped with a minute to spare.
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Caro

After a while, a crowd gathered there
Amazed to see a figure so bare
A dog bared its teeth
Showed urges beneath
She escaped with a minute to spare.

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It flew like a bird
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dai Cottomy
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It flew like a bird
It looked quite absurd
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waiting4atickle
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It flew like a bird
It looked quite absurd
When it landed in a gorse thicket.

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Caro

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I loved it when I could kick it
It flew like a bird
It looked quite absurd
When it landed in a gorse thicket.
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waiting4atickle
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I once had a bear, you can't lick it
I loved it when I could kick it
It flew like a bird
It looked quite absurd
When it landed in a gorse thicket.


The nurse said I shouldn't do that
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dai Cottomy
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The nurse said I shouldn't do that
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It wouldn't get better
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Douglas
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The nurse said I shouldn't do that
If I did I'd be sure to get fat
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It wouldn't get better
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waiting4atickle
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The nurse said I shouldn't do that
If I did I'd be sure to get fat
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It wouldn't get better
Or if it did she'd eat her hat.

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dai Cottomy
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The nurse said I shouldn't do that
If I did I'd be sure to get fat
And if I let her
It wouldn't get better
Or if it did she'd eat her hat.

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They danced by the light of the moon
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Caro

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'Twere dark, so with glee
They danced by the light of the moon
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Douglas
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They went down to the sea
T'were dark, so with glee
They danced by the light of the moon
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dai Cottomy
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Two lovers were humming a tune
They went down to the sea
T'were dark, so with glee
They danced by the light of the moon
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Douglas
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On a fine summer evening in June
Two lovers were humming a tune
They went down to the sea
T'were dark, so with glee
They danced by the light of the moon.

When out on the campaign trail
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dai Cottomy
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When out on the campaign trail
Be sure to take plenty of ale
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Caro

When out on the campaign trail
Be sure to take plenty of ale
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And make some mistakes
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dai Cottomy
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When out on the campaign trail
Be sure to take plenty of ale
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And make some mistakes
Then apologise by email
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Caro

When out on the campaign trail
Be sure to take plenty of ale
Trip over some rakes
And make some mistakes
Then apologise by email.

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If it goes then you don't need to fix it.
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dai Cottomy
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To make cement, you've got to mix it
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If it goes then you don't need to fix it.
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waiting4atickle
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To make cement, you've got to mix it
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But why take the trouble?
If it goes then you don't need to fix it.

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Douglas
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To make cement, you've got to mix it
----------------------------
It may crumble to rubble
But why take the trouble?
If it goes then you don't need to fix it.
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dai Cottomy
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To make cement, you've got to mix it
The foreman sticks in his finger and licks it
It may crumble to rubble
But why take the trouble?
If it goes then you don't need to fix it.


A fortune teller from Brighton
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Caro

A fortune teller from Brighton
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He got some things wrong
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dai Cottomy
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A fortune teller from Brighton
Found it hard to sleep with the light on
He got some things wrong
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Douglas
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A fortune teller from Brighton
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He got some things wrong
------------------
And suddenly found he'd a fight on.
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dai Cottomy
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A fortune teller from Brighton
Found it hard to sleep with the light on
He got some things wrong
He then heard the gong
And suddenly found he'd a fight on

Two pretty maids from Three Bridges
Edited by dai Cottomy, May 20 2017, 11:47 AM.
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Douglas
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Two pretty maids from Three Bridges
Kept the oddest of things in their fridges
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Edited by Douglas, May 21 2017, 10:12 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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Two pretty maids from Three Bridges
Kept the oddest of things in their fridges
On the top rack
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Douglas
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Two pretty maids from Three Bridges
Kept the oddest of things in their fridges
On the top rack
There's a packet of crack
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dai Cottomy
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Two pretty maids from Three Bridges
Kept the oddest of things in their fridges
On the top rack
There's a packet of crack
And a plateful of sun dried midges


A hedge fund accountant from Woking
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Douglas
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A hedge fund accountant from Woking
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So he ended up with a soaking
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dai Cottomy
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A hedge fund accountant from Woking
Whose doctor told him to stop smoking
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--------------------------
So he ended up with a soaking
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Douglas
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A hedge fund accountant from Woking
Whose doctor told him to stop smoking
--------------------------
He got caught in the rain
So he ended up with a soaking
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dai Cottomy
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A hedge fund accountant from Woking
Whose doctor told him to stop smoking
Strolling down the lane
He got caught in the rain
So he ended up with a soaking

Nest day he woke up feeling ill
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Douglas
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Nest day he woke up feeling ill
It was clear that he'd caught a chill
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dai Cottomy
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Next day he woke up feeling ill
It was clear that he'd caught a chill
He tried sweating it out
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Edited by dai Cottomy, Jun 13 2017, 03:46 PM.
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Douglas
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Next day he woke up feeling ill
It was clear that he'd caught a chill
He tried sweating it out
With whisky and stout
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dai Cottomy
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Next day he woke up feeling ill
It was clear that he'd caught a chill
He tried sweating it out
With whisky and stout
And said "I think I'll move to Brazil"

An aged professor from Hove
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Douglas
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An aged professor from Hove
Was cooking a stew on his stove
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waiting4atickle
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An aged professor from Hove
Was cooking a stew on his stove
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But wished he'd not swallowed the clove.

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dai Cottomy
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An aged professor from Hove
Was cooking a stew on his stove
He gave it a stir
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But wished he'd not swallowed the clove.
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dai Cottomy
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An aged professor from Hove
Was cooking a stew on his stove
He gave it a stir
And scraped off the fur
But wished he'd not swallowed the clove.
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dai Cottomy
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A would-be magician from Ealing
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waiting4atickle
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A would-be magician from Ealing
Was prosecuted for stealing
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Douglas
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A would-be magician from Ealing
Was prosecuted for stealing
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So his counsel now is appealing.
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dai Cottomy
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A would-be magician from Ealing
Was prosecuted for stealing
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From a reluctant miss
So his counsel now is appealing.
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Douglas
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A would-be magician from Ealing
Was prosecuted for stealing
An unwelcome kiss
From a reluctant miss
So his counsel now is appealing.

A dashing young fellow from Coniston
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dai Cottomy
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A dashing young fellow from Coniston
Was known by his friends as 'Honest John'
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Douglas
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A dashing young fellow from Coniston
Was known by his friends as 'Honest John'
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And so in the end he was sat upon.
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dai Cottomy
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A dashing young fellow from Coniston
Was known by his friends as 'Honest John'
----------------------------
He'd sooner die
And so in the end he was sat upon.
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dai Cottomy
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A dashing young fellow from Coniston
Was known by his friends as 'Honest John'
Rather than lie
He'd sooner die
And so in the end he was sat upon.

A minicab driver from Deal
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Douglas
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A minicab driver from Deal
Was found to be drunk at the wheel
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waiting4atickle
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A minicab driver from Deal
Was found to be drunk at the wheel
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But he got it back on appeal.

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Mobson
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A minicab driver from Deal
Was found to be drunk at the wheel
His Licence revoked
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But he got it back on appeal.

Edited by Mobson, Jul 23 2017, 07:19 AM.
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Caro

A minicab driver from Deal
Was found to be drunk at the wheel
His licence revoked
"I'm stuffed," he then joked
But he got it back on appeal.

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She then did a bunk
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Douglas
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She then did a bunk
With the loot in her trunk
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Mobson
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Mona worked as a getaway driver
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She then did a bunk
With the loot in her trunk
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Douglas
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Mona worked as a getaway driver
----------------------------
She then did a bunk
With the loot in her trunk
But, alas, it was worth only a fiver.
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dai Cottomy
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Mona worked as a getaway driver
It made her feel more aliver
She then did a bunk
With the loot in her trunk
But, alas, it was worth only a fiver.

Before that, she drove two ton trucks
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Edited by dai Cottomy, Aug 6 2017, 01:09 PM.
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Mobson
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Before that, she drove two-ton trucks
For which she earned megabucks
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Douglas
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Before that, she drove two-ton trucks
For which she earned megabucks
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To which she responded "It sucks!"
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Mobson
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Before that, she drove two-ton trucks
For which she earned megabucks
On her quest to find love
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To which she responded "It sucks!"
Edited by Mobson, Aug 18 2017, 05:03 AM.
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Caro

Before that, she drove two-ton trucks
For which she earned megabucks
On her quest to find love
A chap passed on a fine glove
To which she responded "It sucks!"

There was a young boy, name of Jack
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