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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 12:55 PM (26,623 Views) | |
| dai Cottomy | Sep 18 2012, 12:55 PM Post #1 |
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waiting4atickle Yesterday, 1:36 PM Post #2792 It's awful, the lies that we tell And maybe we'll all go to Hell So always tell the Truth |
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| dai Cottomy | Nov 20 2012, 04:37 PM Post #301 |
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I once had a golden retriever That part-owned the castle of Hever; Where lived Ann Boleyn .............. He loved hunting reprobate beaver* |
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| waiting4atickle | Nov 20 2012, 10:32 PM Post #302 |
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I once had a golden retriever That part-owned the castle of Hever; Where lived Ann Boleyn And her partner in sin - He loved hunting reprobate beaver -------------------------------- -------------------------------- --------------------- And still it kept raining -------------------------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Nov 21 2012, 12:23 AM Post #303 |
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-------------------------------- -------------------------------- I started complaining And still it kept raining -------------------------------- |
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| Mobson | Nov 21 2012, 09:08 AM Post #304 |
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The weather today is simply horrid ................................................. I started complaining And still it kept raining ................................................. |
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| Norm Deplume | Nov 21 2012, 11:53 AM Post #305 |
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The weather today is simply horrid ................................................. I started complaining And still it kept raining Hat 's leaking. Rain 's dripping down forrid |
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| Mobson | Nov 21 2012, 07:30 PM Post #306 |
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The weather today is simply horrid Gales and thunderstorms so torrid I started complaining And still it kept raining Hat's leaking. Rain's dripping down forrid ...................................................... ....................................................... As my hat blew away ............................. ........................................................ Edited by Mobson, Nov 21 2012, 07:37 PM.
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| Norm Deplume | Nov 22 2012, 03:24 PM Post #307 |
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It's windy, around a force four ....................................................... As my hat blew away ............................. ........................................................ |
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| waiting4atickle | Nov 22 2012, 10:24 PM Post #308 |
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It's windy, around a force four But to me it seemed a lot more As my hat blew away ............................. ........................................................ |
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| Norm Deplume | Nov 23 2012, 02:25 PM Post #309 |
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It's windy, around a force four But to me it seemed a lot more As my hat blew away To the far side of the bay ...................................................... |
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| dai Cottomy | Nov 23 2012, 02:53 PM Post #310 |
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It's windy, around a force four But to me it seemed a lot more As my hat blew away To the far side of the bay I set sail for the opposite shore Half way across, the boat sprang a leak |
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| Norm Deplume | Nov 23 2012, 03:55 PM Post #311 |
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Half way across, the boat sprang a leak I thought, "AH! All it needs is a tweak" |
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| Caro | Nov 24 2012, 04:26 AM Post #312 |
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Half way across, the boat sprang a leak I thought, "AH! All it needs is a tweak" ------------------- ------------------- I shouted, "A harbour I seek." |
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| Norm Deplume | Nov 24 2012, 12:21 PM Post #313 |
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Half way across, the boat sprang a leak I thought, "AH! All it needs is a tweak" The tool I got out ------------------- I shouted, "A harbour I seek." |
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| waiting4atickle | Nov 24 2012, 04:21 PM Post #314 |
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Half way across, the boat sprang a leak I thought, "AH! All it needs is a tweak" The tool I got out Was covered in grout - I shouted, "A harbour I seek." The boy stood on the burning deck ------------------------- ----------------- ----------------- ------------------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Nov 24 2012, 07:51 PM Post #315 |
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The boy stood on the burning deck He shouted out:"Oh flippin' 'eck" ----------------- ----------------- ------------------------- |
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| waiting4atickle | Nov 26 2012, 11:26 AM Post #316 |
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The boy stood on the burning deck He shouted out:"Oh flippin' 'eck" ----------------- ----------------- And that was how he broke his neck. |
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| Norm Deplume | Nov 26 2012, 04:20 PM Post #317 |
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The boy stood on the burning deck He shouted out:"Oh flippin' 'eck" The crow's nest fell from top o'mast --------------- And that was how he broke his neck. |
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| waiting4atickle | Nov 27 2012, 12:56 AM Post #318 |
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The boy stood on the burning deck He shouted out:"Oh flippin' 'eck" The crow's nest fell from top o'mast Hitting him on the head quite fast And that was how he broke his neck. ---------------------------------- ---------------------------------- ---------------------- As he polished his boots ---------------------------------- |
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| Norm Deplume | Nov 27 2012, 08:20 PM Post #319 |
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---------------------------------- ---------------------------------- He thought of his roots As he polished his boots ---------------------------------- Edited by Norm Deplume, Nov 28 2012, 11:30 AM.
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| Norm Deplume | Nov 28 2012, 11:32 AM Post #320 |
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A fresh young recruit in the army ---------------------------------- He thought of his roots As he polished his boots ---------------------------------- |
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| Mobson | Nov 28 2012, 11:40 AM Post #321 |
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A fresh young recruit in the army ---------------------------------- He thought of his roots As he polished his boots Wondered "why am I here - I'm barmy!" ---------------------------------- |
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| waiting4atickle | Nov 28 2012, 11:45 PM Post #322 |
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A fresh young recruit in the army Was missing his mother's pastrami. He thought of his roots As he polished his boots Wondered "why am I here - I'm barmy!" ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -------------------- -------------------- Can you blame him for having a beef? |
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| Norm Deplume | Nov 29 2012, 10:43 AM Post #323 |
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Freddie Smiff(2Fs) was fed up to the teef ------------------------------ -------------------- -------------------- Can you blame him for having a beef? |
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| Norm Deplume | Nov 29 2012, 12:43 PM Post #324 |
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Freddie Smiff(2Fs) was fed up to the teef He'd been robbed by a bearded tea leaf -------------------- -------------------- Can you blame him for having a beef? |
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| waiting4atickle | Nov 29 2012, 10:47 PM Post #325 |
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Freddie Smiff(2Fs) was fed up to the teef He'd been robbed by a bearded tea leaf Of all he possessed -------------------- Can you blame him for having a beef? |
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| Norm Deplume | Nov 30 2012, 05:27 PM Post #326 |
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Freddie Smiff(2ffs) was fed up to the teef He'd been robbed by a bearded tea leaf Of all he possessed Including his vest Can you blame him for having a beef? I can't think of anything worse than |
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| Norm Deplume | Dec 1 2012, 12:07 PM Post #327 |
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I can't think of anything worse than A tattood, half naked, short-vest man |
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| tafkaj | Dec 1 2012, 01:06 PM Post #328 |
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I can't think of anything worse than A tattood, half naked, short-vest man; -------------------------- -------------------------- By taking it home in a Jerry can. |
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| dai Cottomy | Dec 1 2012, 10:03 PM Post #329 |
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I can't think of anything worse than A tattood, half naked, short-vest man; Who spends most of his time -------------------------- By taking it home in a Jerry can. |
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| waiting4atickle | Dec 1 2012, 10:32 PM Post #330 |
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I can't think of anything worse than A tattood, half naked, short-vest man; Who spends most of his time Stealing vodka and lime By taking it home in a Jerry can. In the final month of the year ----------------------------- ------------------ ------------------ ----------------------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Dec 2 2012, 11:16 AM Post #331 |
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In the final month of the year I see no good reason to cheer ------------------ ------------------ ----------------------------- |
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| Norm Deplume | Dec 2 2012, 12:31 PM Post #332 |
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In the final month of the year I see no good reason to cheer Come on Dai, "Spirits up" ------------------ ----------------- ................................ |
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| waiting4atickle | Dec 2 2012, 12:42 PM Post #333 |
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In the final month of the year I see no good reason to cheer Come on Dai, "Spirits up" Let's have a stirrup cup ----------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Dec 2 2012, 12:49 PM Post #334 |
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In the final month of the year I see no good reason to cheer Come on Dai, "Spirits up" Let's have a stirrup cup O.K - seeing as we're all here Here's good health to my cyber pals
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| waiting4atickle | Dec 2 2012, 12:57 PM Post #335 |
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Here's good health to my cyber pals (I'd best not call you guys and gals ) |
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| dai Cottomy | Dec 2 2012, 04:01 PM Post #336 |
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Here's good health to my cyber pals (I'd best not call you guys and gals ) ----------------------------------- ----------------------------------- Posting these lines is good for morales Edited by dai Cottomy, Dec 2 2012, 04:07 PM.
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| Norm Deplume | Dec 3 2012, 03:20 PM Post #337 |
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Here's good health to my cyber pals (I'd best not call you guys and gals ) "Bottoms Up" dear friends ----------------------------------- Posting these lines is good for morales |
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| dai Cottomy | Dec 3 2012, 03:49 PM Post #338 |
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Here's good health to my cyber pals (I'd best not call you guys and gals ) "Bottoms Up" dear friends As the elbow ascends Posting these lines is good for morales The phone rang, I picked up and said hello |
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| Norm Deplume | Dec 3 2012, 05:51 PM Post #339 |
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The phone rang, I picked up and said hello The voice on the end was soft and mellow |
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| waiting4atickle | Dec 3 2012, 07:14 PM Post #340 |
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The phone rang, I picked up and said hello The voice on the end was soft and mellow ---------------------- ---------------------- And that's when I heard him start to bellow. |
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| dai Cottomy | Dec 4 2012, 12:43 PM Post #341 |
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The phone rang, I picked up and said hello The voice on the end was soft and mellow He said: is that Fred? ---------------------- And that's when I heard him start to bellow |
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| Mobson | Dec 4 2012, 02:32 PM Post #342 |
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The phone rang, I picked up and said hello The voice on the end was soft and mellow He said: is that Fred? No, Fred's Dead! And that's when I heard him start to bellow *********************************** ............................................ He didn't believe a word I said ............... ............... ............................................. Edited by Mobson, Dec 4 2012, 02:33 PM.
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| Norm Deplume | Dec 4 2012, 07:38 PM Post #343 |
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I told my whole life story to Ted He didn't believe a word I said ............... ............... ............................................. |
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| waiting4atickle | Dec 4 2012, 07:41 PM Post #344 |
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I told my whole life story to Ted He didn't believe a word I said ............... That I drink too much beer ............................................. |
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| Mobson | Dec 4 2012, 09:57 PM Post #345 |
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I told my whole life story to Ted He didn't believe a word I said It was all so very clear That I drink too much beer ............................................. Edited by Mobson, Dec 4 2012, 09:57 PM.
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| Norm Deplume | Dec 5 2012, 04:51 PM Post #346 |
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I told my whole life story to Ted He didn't believe a word I said It was all so very clear That I drink too much beer Oh sod it! I'm going to bed A lascivious young wench from Strathclyde |
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| waiting4atickle | Dec 5 2012, 06:50 PM Post #347 |
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A lascivious young wench from Strathclyde Took Henry, well hench, for a ride -------------------- -------------------- ------------------------------------ |
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| Mobson | Dec 5 2012, 07:30 PM Post #348 |
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A lascivious young wench from Strathclyde Took Henry, well hench, for a ride -------------------- -------------------- She ensnarled him to make her his bride Edited by Mobson, Dec 5 2012, 07:30 PM.
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| dai Cottomy | Dec 5 2012, 07:34 PM Post #349 |
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A lascivious young wench from Strathclyde Took Henry, well hench, for a ride Brandishing her whip -------------------- She ensnarled him to make her his bride |
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| waiting4atickle | Dec 5 2012, 08:01 PM Post #350 |
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Nice word, Mobs. A lascivious young wench from Strathclyde Took Henry, well hench, for a ride Brandishing her whip And a cucumber dip She ensnarled him to make her his bride -------------------------- -------------------------- --------------- And licked all his fingers -------------------------- |
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| Caro | Dec 7 2012, 10:02 AM Post #351 |
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-------------------------- Spread cream all over her titties --------------- And licked all his fingers -------------------------- |
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| waiting4atickle | Dec 7 2012, 11:21 AM Post #352 |
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-------------------------- Spread cream all over her titties --------------- And licked all his fingers Then sang some rather rude ditties. |
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| Mobson | Dec 7 2012, 12:39 PM Post #353 |
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A singer friend of Conway Twitty's Spread cream all over her titties --------------- And licked all his fingers Then sang some rather rude ditties. |
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| Norm Deplume | Dec 7 2012, 03:49 PM Post #354 |
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A singer friend of Conway Twitty's Spread cream all over her titties He was one of the mingers And licked all his fingers Then sang some rather rude ditties. A nimble young thief from South Ealing Edited by Norm Deplume, Dec 7 2012, 03:54 PM.
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| waiting4atickle | Dec 7 2012, 06:27 PM Post #355 |
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A nimble young thief from South Ealing Who wore muslin gloves when out stealing -------------------- -------------------- ---------------------------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Dec 7 2012, 07:59 PM Post #356 |
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A nimble young thief from South Ealing Who wore muslin gloves when out stealing He lifted a purse -------------------- |
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| Hugh Jampton | Dec 7 2012, 08:42 PM Post #357 |
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A nimble young thief from South Ealing Who wore muslin gloves when out stealing He lifted a purse From a corpse in a hearse |
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| Norm Deplume | Dec 8 2012, 04:32 PM Post #358 |
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A nimble young thief from South Ealing Who wore muslin gloves when out stealing He lifted a purse From a corpse in a hearse And went off on his way without feeling I was teaching my Gran to suck eggs |
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| Mobson | Dec 9 2012, 07:40 AM Post #359 |
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I was teaching my Gran to suck eggs .................................................... .......... .......... Which we ended up buying from Greggs. |
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| Caro | Dec 9 2012, 10:11 AM Post #360 |
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I was teaching my Gran to suck eggs And was getting right down to the dregs .......... .......... Which we ended up buying from Greggs. [Why suck eggs anyway? I remember my grandmother doing lots of things, but sucking eggs wasn't one of her obvious skills.] |
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| Norm Deplume | Dec 9 2012, 11:46 AM Post #361 |
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I was teaching my Gran to suck eggs And was getting right down to the dregs There were tears in her eyes .......... Which we ended up buying from Greggs. |
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| Norm Deplume | Dec 9 2012, 04:53 PM Post #362 |
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I was teaching my Gran to suck eggs And was getting right down to the dregs There were tears in her eyes 'Cos she fancied steak pies Which we ended up buying from Greggs. |
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| Norm Deplume | Dec 9 2012, 04:54 PM Post #363 |
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..................................................... The refuse man said, "I can't take that" ......................... ....................... ......................................................... Edited by Norm Deplume, Dec 9 2012, 04:55 PM.
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| dai Cottomy | Dec 9 2012, 05:52 PM Post #364 |
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I wanted to remove a dead cat The refuse man said, "I can't take that" ......................... ....................... ......................................................... |
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| Mobson | Dec 10 2012, 09:24 AM Post #365 |
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I wanted to remove a dead cat The refuse man said, "I can't take that" ......................... ....................... And use its fur coat for a hat! |
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| dai Cottomy | Dec 10 2012, 11:37 AM Post #366 |
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I wanted to remove a dead cat The refuse man said, "I can't take that" ...................... I think that I'll skin it And use its fur coat for a hat! |
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| waiting4atickle | Dec 10 2012, 01:34 PM Post #367 |
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I wanted to remove a dead cat The refuse man said, "I can't take that" So since I can't bin it, I think that I'll skin it And use its fur coat for a hat! ----------------------------- ----------------------------- ----------------- And fell head over heels ----------------------------- |
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| Norm Deplume | Dec 10 2012, 05:47 PM Post #368 |
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A buxom ice skater from Essex ----------------------------- ----------------- And fell head over heels ----------------------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Dec 10 2012, 06:26 PM Post #369 |
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A buxom ice skater from Essex Was advised to indulge in less sex ----------------- And fell head over heels ----------------------------- Edited by dai Cottomy, Dec 10 2012, 06:27 PM.
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| Norm Deplume | Dec 10 2012, 07:18 PM Post #370 |
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A buxom ice skater from Essex Was advised to indulge in less sex She mistook blades for wheels And fell head over heels ----------------------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Dec 11 2012, 01:08 AM Post #371 |
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A buxom ice skater from Essex Was advised to indulge in less sex She mistook blades for wheels And fell head over heels With Matilda, the wife of her ex Together they took off on their bikes |
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| Mobson | Dec 11 2012, 11:08 AM Post #372 |
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Together they took off on their bikes .................................................... .......... ........... Ending up with a threesome at Mike's |
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| Norm Deplume | Dec 11 2012, 02:39 PM Post #373 |
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Together they took off on their bikes Ignoring each other's dislikes .......... ........... Ending up with a threesome at Mike's |
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| waiting4atickle | Dec 11 2012, 03:09 PM Post #374 |
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Together they took off on their bikes Ignoring each other's dislikes When they got saddle-sore ........... Ending up with a threesome at Mike's |
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| dai Cottomy | Dec 11 2012, 03:36 PM Post #375 |
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Together they took off on their bikes Ignoring each other's dislikes When they got saddle-sore And they could take no more Ending up with a threesome at Mike's You may ask how this story concluded |
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| waiting4atickle | Dec 11 2012, 04:07 PM Post #376 |
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You may ask how this story concluded And if anyone was denuded ------------------ ------------------ ------------------------------ |
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| Norm Deplume | Dec 11 2012, 04:54 PM Post #377 |
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You may ask how this story concluded And if anyone was denuded ------------------ ------------------ At the end they were sorely deluded Edited by Norm Deplume, Dec 11 2012, 04:54 PM.
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| Mobson | Dec 12 2012, 11:26 AM Post #378 |
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You may ask how this story concluded And if anyone was denuded ............................ Their passion spent At the end they were sorely deluded Edited by Mobson, Dec 12 2012, 11:27 AM.
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| dai Cottomy | Dec 12 2012, 01:36 PM Post #379 |
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You may ask how this story concluded And if anyone was denuded Did they think to repent Their passion spent At the end they were sorely deluded ---------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------- She said, "Look what I've got" --------------------------------------------- |
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| Norm Deplume | Dec 12 2012, 08:55 PM Post #380 |
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---------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------- She said, "Look what I've got" And off they strolled into the sunset. |
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| Mobson | Dec 12 2012, 11:03 PM Post #381 |
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Stan never fell in love with any girl he'd met ---------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------- She said, "Look what I've got" And off they strolled into the sunset. Edited by Mobson, Dec 12 2012, 11:04 PM.
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| waiting4atickle | Dec 12 2012, 11:35 PM Post #382 |
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Stan never fell in love with any girl he'd met Until he chanced to meet one with her own clarinet* ----------------------------------- She said, "Look what I've got" And off they strolled into the sunset. *If you can't beat 'em, join 'em - that's what I say. |
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| Mobson | Dec 14 2012, 06:23 AM Post #383 |
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*Absolutely! Stan never fell in love with any girl he met Until he chanced to meet one with her own clarinet* She knew her Buffer Crampton was hot She said, "Look what I've got" And off they strolled into the sunset. |
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| Mobson | Dec 14 2012, 06:27 AM Post #384 |
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.................................................. Stan said he preferred playing flute ............. ............. ................................................... |
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| waiting4atickle | Dec 14 2012, 11:55 AM Post #385 |
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Although he liked watching Joe Root Stan said he preferred playing flute ............. ............. ................................................... |
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| Mobson | Dec 14 2012, 12:14 PM Post #386 |
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Although he liked watching Joe Root Stan said he preferred playing flute .................... .................... Tho he did admit Jimmy Anderson's cute Edited by Mobson, Dec 14 2012, 12:14 PM.
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| tafkaj | Dec 14 2012, 12:37 PM Post #387 |
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Although he liked watching Joe Root ![]() Stan said he preferred playing flute Music, not sport, .................... Tho he did admit Jimmy Anderson's cute |
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| dai Cottomy | Dec 14 2012, 04:27 PM Post #388 |
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Although he liked watching Joe Root Stan said he preferred playing flute Music, not sport, Was his usual retort Tho he did admit Jimmy Anderson's cute They call football "the beautiful game" |
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| Norm Deplume | Dec 14 2012, 05:03 PM Post #389 |
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They call football "the beautiful game" To reflect society, that's a shame |
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| Caro | Dec 14 2012, 08:22 PM Post #390 |
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They call football "the beautiful game" To reflect society, that's a shame ------------------- ------------------- And 'gainst rugby it seems rather tame. |
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| tafkaj | Dec 15 2012, 02:10 PM Post #391 |
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They call football "the beautiful game" To reflect society, that's a shame; Beauty, you see, ------------------- And 'gainst rugby it seems rather tame. |
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| waiting4atickle | Dec 15 2012, 08:10 PM Post #392 |
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They call football "the beautiful game" To reflect society, that's a shame; Beauty, you see, Kills by degree And 'gainst rugby it seems rather tame. ---------------------------- ---------------------------- ---------------- ---------------- Now that was a bruising encounter. |
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| Norm Deplume | Dec 15 2012, 08:15 PM Post #393 |
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He suffered an outrageous dismounter ---------------------------- ---------------- ---------------- Now that was a bruising encounter. |
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| Norm Deplume | Dec 17 2012, 12:27 PM Post #394 |
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He suffered an outrageous dismounter There was not a suitable noun fer... The way that he felt ---------------- Now that was a bruising encounter. Edited by Norm Deplume, Dec 17 2012, 12:27 PM.
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| waiting4atickle | Dec 17 2012, 10:29 PM Post #395 |
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He suffered an outrageous dismounter There was not a suitable noun fer... The way that he felt When he met that black belt - Now that was a bruising encounter. A jolly judoka from Jarrow ----------------------------- -------------------- -------------------- ----------------------------- |
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| dai Cottomy | Dec 17 2012, 11:52 PM Post #396 |
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A jolly judoka from Jarrow Had for a pet a house sparrow -------------------- -------------------- ----------------------------- |
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| Mobson | Dec 18 2012, 08:59 AM Post #397 |
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A jolly judoka from Jarrow Had for a pet a house sparrow It didn't do much -------------------- ----------------------------- Edited by Mobson, Dec 18 2012, 08:59 AM.
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| dai Cottomy | Dec 18 2012, 10:47 AM Post #398 |
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A jolly judoka from Jarrow Had for a pet a house sparrow It didn't do much -------------------- Shaped like a vegetable marrow |
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| Mobson | Dec 18 2012, 12:49 PM Post #399 |
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A jolly judoka from Jarrow Had for a pet a house sparrow It didn't do much Tho' nice to touch Shaped like a vegetable marrow |
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| Mobson | Dec 18 2012, 12:50 PM Post #400 |
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O hail the bicycling Hero! .... .... = BW
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= BW

7:03 AM Jul 13