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Topic Started: Sep 18 2012, 12:55 PM (26,621 Views)
dai Cottomy
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waiting4atickle Yesterday, 1:36 PM Post #2792



It's awful, the lies that we tell
And maybe we'll all go to Hell
So always tell the Truth
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Norm Deplume
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When the train came to halt at Meldreth
The town as a whole held its breath
..........................
..........................
Was reciting a scene from Macbeth
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waiting4atickle
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When the train came to halt at Meldreth
The town as a whole held its breath
..........................
While a luvvie on board
Was reciting a scene from Macbeth.

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Norm Deplume
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When the train came to halt at Meldreth
The town as a whole held its breath
The excitement soared
While a luvvie on board
Was reciting a scene from Macbeth.



The next stop was Leamington Spa

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tafkaj

The next stop was Leamington Spa
----------------------------------------
--------------------------
--------------------------
But Warwick was just going too far.
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waiting4atickle
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The next stop was Leamington Spa
Where Warwick called in at the bar
--------------------------
--------------------------
But Warwick was just going too far.

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dai Cottomy
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The next stop was Leamington Spa
Where Warwick called in at the bar
He downed a quick half
--------------------------
But Warwick was just going too far.

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Norm Deplume
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The next stop was Leamington Spa
Where Warwick called in at the bar
He downed a quick half
before 'aving a larf'
But Warwick was just going too far.


A wily young wench from West Wickham
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dai Cottomy
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A wily young wench from West Wickham
Said, "I certainly know how to pick 'em"
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Norm Deplume
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A wily young wench from West Wickham
Said, "I certainly know how to pick 'em"
As she got off the bus
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waiting4atickle
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A wily young wench from West Wickham
Said, "I certainly know how to pick 'em"
As she got off the bus
At the terminus

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Caro

A wily young wench from West Wickham
Said, "I certainly know how to pick 'em"
As she got off the bus
At the terminus
She shouts and she yells and she kick 'em.


-------------------------------
The train then departed for Folkestone
--------------------
--------------------
-------------------------------

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Mobson
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----------------------------------------------
The train then departed for Folkestone
-----------------------------
All the way down to Kent
----------------------------------------------
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tafkaj

He packed up his things in his Gladstone,
The train then departed for Folkestone
-----------------------------
All the way down to Kent
----------------------------------------------
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Mobson
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He packed up his things in his Gladstone,
The train then departed for Folkestone
So exhausted and spent
All the way down to Kent
----------------------------------------------
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dai Cottomy
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He packed up his things in his Gladstone,
The train then departed for Folkestone
So exhausted and spent
All the way down to Kent
Thinking it should have been Godstone


A sturdy young lass from Pratts Bottom
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Norm Deplume
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A sturdy young lass from Pratts Bottom
If you want any nuts then I've got 'em
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Caro

A sturdy young lass from Pratts Bottom
[Said] If you want any nuts then I've got 'em
---------------
---------------
And just tie the ropes and then knot 'em.
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Norm Deplume
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A sturdy young lass from Pratts Bottom
[Said] If you want any nuts then I've got 'em
She'd read "Fifty Shades"
---------------
And just tie the ropes and then knot 'em.










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Caro

A sturdy young lass from Pratts Bottom
[Said] If you want any nuts then I've got 'em
She'd read "Fifty Shades"
Knew to take plaids
And just tie the ropes and then knot 'em.


On a boat off the coast of New Guinea
--------------------------------
--------------------
--------------------
--------------------------------------
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waiting4atickle
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On a boat off the coast of New Guinea
--------------------------------
--------------------
--------------------
And has now grown impossibly skinny.

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dai Cottomy
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On a boat off the coast of New Guinea
I met a sweet girl name of Winnie
--------------------
--------------------
And has now grown impossibly skinny.

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waiting4atickle
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On a boat off the coast of New Guinea
I met a sweet girl name of Winnie
She was so curvaceous
--------------------
And has now grown impossibly skinny.

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dai Cottomy
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On a boat off the coast of New Guinea
I met a sweet girl name of Winnie
She was so curvaceous
Delightfully vivacious
And has now grown impossibly skinny.


I got off the boat at Jacarta
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waiting4atickle
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I got off the boat at Jacarta
-------------------------
---------------
---------------
Goodbye to the old alma mater.

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tafkaj

On a boat off the coast of New Guinea
A horse let out a plaintive whinny
--------------------
--------------------
And has now grown impossibly skinny.
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dai Cottomy
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you didn't turn to the last page, Taf


I got off the boat at Jacarta
And bought her a hand woven garter
---------------
---------------
Goodbye to the old alma mater.

Edited by dai Cottomy, Jan 29 2013, 04:19 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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On a boat off the coast of New Guinea
Was a worried fat lady called Ginny
--------------------
--------------------
And has now grown impossibly skinny.

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Caro

Quote:
 
you didn't turn to the last page, Taf.
And ditto to you, Norm!


I got off the boat at Jacarta
And bought her a hand woven garter
---------------
I'll stay here a while
Goodbye to the old alma mater.
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waiting4atickle
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I got off the boat at Jacarta
And bought her a hand woven garter
Which she wore with a smile
I'll stay here a while
Goodbye to the old alma mater.


---------------------------
---------------------------
----------------
----------------
But none of it made any sense.

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Norm Deplume
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---------------------------
My horse just would not jump the fence
----------------
----------------
But none of it made any sense.

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Mobson
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The first time I knew he was dense
My horse just would not jump the fence
----------------
----------------
But none of it made any sense.
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dai Cottomy
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The first time I knew he was dense
My horse just would not jump the fence
He would just shake his head
----------------
But none of it made any sense
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Norm Deplume
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The first time I knew he was dense
My horse just would not jump the fence
He would just shake his head
Was it something I said?
But none of it made any sense



I had a pet rabbit called Norman
Edited by Norm Deplume, Jan 30 2013, 02:28 PM.
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Mobson
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I had a pet rabbit called Norman
.............................................
.............
.............
From a breeder called Mrs Forman
Edited by Mobson, Jan 30 2013, 02:36 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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I had a pet rabbit called Norman
He came from a line, mainly Morman
.............
.............
From a breeder called Mrs Forman
.
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Mobson
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I had a pet rabbit called Norman
He came from a line, mainly Morman
He had many wives
.............
From a breeder called Mrs Forman
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Caro

I had a pet rabbit called Norman
He came from a line, mainly Morman
He had many wives
With kits birthed in fives
From a breeder called Mrs Forman

Ma Forman took glee and delight
------------------------------
---------------------
---------------------
------------------------------
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waiting4atickle
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Ma Forman took glee and delight
In teaching her boys how to fight
---------------------
---------------------
------------------------------

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tafkaj

dai Cottomy
Jan 29 2013, 04:12 PM
you didn't turn to the last page, Taf
<doh> <doh> <doh> <doh> <doh>

Sorry for spoiling the flow - you'd think I'd have learnt by now, wouldn't you ... ?

Ma Forman took glee and delight
In teaching her boys how to fight
---------------------
---------------------
It certainly beats flying a kite.
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dai Cottomy
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Ma Forman took glee and delight
In teaching her boys how to fight
She fed them on horse
---------------------
It certainly beats flying a kite.
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tafkaj

Ma Forman took glee and delight
In teaching her boys how to fight
She fed them on horse
Bought at Tesco, of course -
It certainly beats flying a kite.

*******************************************

------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------
But men in white suits
---------------------------
------------------------------------------
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Norm Deplume
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Ma Forman took glee and delight
In teaching her boys how to fight
She fed them on horse
That gave them great force
It certainly beats flying a kite.



I quite like the way things are going
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waiting4atickle
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<laugh> <laugh>

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dai Cottomy
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------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------
But men in white suits
And high button boots
------------------------------------------
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waiting4atickle
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------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------
But men in white suits
And high button boots -
I quite like the way things are going.

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Norm Deplume
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Post No 542

May I ask what was wrong with my new 1st line?

Thank you tick for including it
Edited by Norm Deplume, Feb 2 2013, 07:06 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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See post no. 541, Norm.

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Mobson
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In Mens fashion there's no way of knowing
------------------------------------------
But men in white suits
And high button boots -
I quite like the way things are going.

Edited by Mobson, Feb 3 2013, 11:28 AM.
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Norm Deplume
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In Mens fashion there's no way of knowing
Who does the designing and sewing
But men in white suits
And high button boots -
I quite like the way things are going.


How I long once again for my youth

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dai Cottomy
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How I long once again for my youth
Now that I'm getting a bit long in the tooth

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Caro

How I long once again for my youth
Now that I'm getting a bit long in the tooth
-----------------
It's gone for all time
-------------------------------------
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waiting4atickle
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How I long once again for my youth
Now that I'm getting a bit long in the tooth
-----------------
It's gone for all time
To refind it's beyond any sleuth.

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Norm Deplume
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How I long once again for my youth
Now that I'm getting a bit long in the tooth
No reason nor rhyme
It's gone for all time
To refind it's beyond any sleuth.




In our field there's a donkey called Fred

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Mobson
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In our field there's a donkey called Fred
........................................................
............
............
It looks like he's just dropped down dead
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Norm Deplume
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In our field there's a donkey called Fred
To fresh water, he has to be led
............
............
It looks like he's just dropped down dead
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Mobson
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In our field there's a donkey called Fred
To fresh water, he has to be led
He's a stubborn old goat
............
It looks like he's just dropped down dead
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dai Cottomy
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In our field there's a donkey called Fred
To fresh water, he has to be led
He's a stubborn old goat
Unable to float
It looks like he's just dropped down dead


Camels can be quite short- tempered

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waiting4atickle
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Camels can be quite short-tempered
And some people say they're self-centred


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Norm Deplume
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Camels can be quite short-tempered
And some people say they're self-centred
They give me the hump

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waiting4atickle
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Camels can be quite short-tempered
And some people say they're self-centred
They give me the hump
When they go on the stump

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dai Cottomy
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Camels can be quite short-tempered
And some people say they're self-centred
They give me the hump
When they go on the stump
But can be quite tasty when rendered


I like waffles with maple syrup
---------------------------------------
-------------------------
-------------------------
---------------------------------------






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tafkaj

I like waffles with maple syrup
---------------------------------------
-------------------------
-------------------------
With my foot caught up in the stirrup.
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waiting4atickle
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I like waffles with maple syrup
So much they make me start to chirrup
-------------------------
-------------------------
With my foot caught up in the stirrup.

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Mobson
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<laugh> see you've all used the only three words that rhyme!


I like waffles with maple syrup
So much they make me start to chirrup
But then I go riding
-------------------------
With my foot caught up in the stirrup.
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waiting4atickle
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I like waffles with maple syrup
So much they make me start to chirrup
But then I go riding
And find myself sliding
With my foot caught up in the stirrup.


-------------------------------
-------------------------------
-----------------
-----------------
And vanished in a cloud of smoke.

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Mobson
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The Magician was telling a joke
-------------------------------
-----------------
-----------------
And vanished in a cloud of smoke.
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dai Cottomy
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The Magician was telling a joke
The one about the Pope sniffing coke
-----------------
-----------------
And vanished in a cloud of smoke.
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waiting4atickle
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The Magician was telling a joke
The one about the Pope sniffing coke
On reaching the punchline
-----------------
And vanished in a cloud of smoke.

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Norm Deplume
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The Magician was telling a joke
The one about the Pope sniffing coke
On reaching the punchline
He said "Blimey, it's lunchtime!"
and vanished in a cloud of smoke.



Ralph, the juggler, was doing his thing
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waiting4atickle
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Ralph, the juggler, was doing his thing
-----------------------------
------------------
------------------
Then the fat lady started to sing.

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Norm Deplume
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Ralph, the juggler, was doing his thing
His balls, in the air, he did fling
------------------
------------------
Then the fat lady started to sing.

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waiting4atickle
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Ralph, the juggler, was doing his thing
His balls, in the air, he did fling
The crowd got excited
------------------
Then the fat lady started to sing.
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Caro

Ralph, the juggler, was doing his thing
His balls, in the air, he did fling
The crowd got excited
Could not be quieted
Then the fat lady started to sing.

----------------------------
----------------------------
----------------
Said she with a wink
----------------------------
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waiting4atickle
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----------------------------
----------------------------
"He looks pretty in pink"
Said she with a wink
----------------------------

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Mobson
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.......................................................
As Ralph attempted to try a new trick
"He looks pretty in pink"
Said she with a wink
........................................................
Edited by Mobson, Feb 7 2013, 11:55 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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Nobody was as dim as Old Nick
As Ralph attempted to try a new trick
"He looks pretty in pink"
Said she with a wink
........................................................
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Mobson
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Nobody was as dim as Old Nick
As Ralph attempted to try a new trick
"He looks pretty in pink"
Said she with a wink
But Rita, like Old Nick was pretty thick!



*********************************


...............................................
Being colour blind really didn't help
..........
..........
................................................
Edited by Mobson, Feb 8 2013, 12:26 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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...............................................
Being colour blind really didn't help
..........
..........
And they fed him entirely on kelp
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waiting4atickle
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The guide dog was no more than a whelp
Being colour blind really didn't help
..........
..........
And they fed him entirely on kelp

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dai Cottomy
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The guide dog was no more than a whelp
Being colour blind really didn't help
His hearing was bad
..................................
And they fed him entirely on kelp

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tafkaj

The guide dog was no more than a whelp
Being colour blind really didn't help
His hearing was bad,
Like that of his dad,
And they fed him entirely on kelp

**********************************************

When Back In the USSR
---------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------
------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------
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dai Cottomy
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When Back In the USSR
After they got rid of th Czar
------------------------------------
------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------
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Caro

When Back In the USSR
After they got rid of th Czar
------------------------------------
And gave Stalin his head
---------------------------------------------------
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waiting4atickle
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When Back In the USSR
After they got rid of th Czar
They called themselves Red
And gave Stalin his head
------------------------------

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Norm Deplume
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When Back In the USSR
After they got rid of th Czar
They called themselves Red
And gave Stalin his head
And also a super ZIL car

................................................
The blonde lady in red, was a man!
...........................
...........................
................................................
Edited by Norm Deplume, Feb 11 2013, 04:13 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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This is how the whole saga began
The blonde lady in red, was a man!
...........................
...........................
................................................
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waiting4atickle
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This is how the whole saga began
The blonde lady in red, was a man!
...........................
...........................
And was taken away in a van.

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Mobson
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This is how the whole saga began
The blonde lady in red, was a man!
...........................
The granny was a tranny
And was taken away in a van.
Edited by Mobson, Feb 12 2013, 02:48 PM.
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Norm Deplume
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This is how the whole saga began
The blonde lady in red, was a man!
The Fellow's name was Danny
The granny was a tranny
And was taken away in a van.



..............................................
...............................................
..................
..................
And I said "By heck I adore Ya!"
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Mobson
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It's Valentine's day but I'm off to my lawyer
....................................................
..................
..................
And I said "By heck I adore Ya!"
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dai Cottomy
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It's Valentine's day but I'm off to my lawyer
Strangely enough he's called Tom Sawyer
..................
..................
And I said "By heck I adore Ya!"
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tafkaj

<doh>
Edited by tafkaj, Feb 15 2013, 12:17 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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wrong page, Taf :'(
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tafkaj

[Gulp! <doh> <doh> <doh> ]

It's Valentine's day but I'm off to my lawyer
Strangely enough he's called Tom Sawyer
My name's Huck Finn
..................
And I said "By heck I adore Ya!"
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dai Cottomy
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It's Valentine's day but I'm off to my lawyer
Strangely enough he's called Tom Sawyer
My name's Huck Finn
He said: "gimme some skin"...
And I said "By heck I adore Ya!"


We went down to the river together



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tafkaj

We went down to the river together
----------------------------------------
---------------------------------
---------------------------------
And Her Maj said: "Pity 'bout th'weather."
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dai Cottomy
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We went down to the river together
Galloping along like hell for leather
---------------------------------
---------------------------------
And Her Maj said: "Pity 'bout th'weather."
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Mobson
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We went down to the river together
Galloping along like hell for leather
The Regatta had begun
---------------------------------
And Her Maj said: "Pity 'bout th'weather."
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waiting4atickle
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We went down to the river together
Galloping along like hell for leather
The Regatta had begun
I said "Ain't it great, hon?"
And Her Maj said: "Pity 'bout th'weather."


------------------------------
------------------------------
--------------------
--------------------
And that's when we started to row.


Edited by waiting4atickle, Feb 16 2013, 12:38 PM.
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tafkaj

"It's horse, and I thought it was cow"
------------------------------
--------------------
--------------------
And that's when we started to row.
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