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One Liners
Topic Started: Oct 3 2012, 11:32 AM (10,327 Views)
dai Cottomy
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Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
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Douglas
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I've just received my local free paper with the bold headline

ONE IN 8 MUMS STILL SMOKING IN PRGNANCY

It reminded me of this

Do I smoke after intercourse? I don't know. I've never looked.
Edited by Douglas, May 11 2018, 02:12 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. The message is:, “See if you can blow this out.”
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Mobson
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Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age. Victor Hugo.
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May-Cee

A wee PS to my last Brendan Behan one, which I heard on "The Unbelievable Truth" last week:

"Brendan Behan was an alcoholic at 8. Which was unfortunate because the pubs didn't open until 11."

The gag fooled the other panellists, who didn't spot the truth.
I knew that yer man was indeed already an alcoholic at the tender age of eight!

My knowledge of the drinking habits of Dublin hacks is, of course, purely academic, so it is (hic!).
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Mobson
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Of course it is May-See...never in doubt! <cheers!>



Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
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May-Cee

Cheeky, Mobs - but I was asking for it!
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Mobson
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<whistles> Nay Lass...t'was continuing with the theme not meant for you per se! Change of subject!



Let me make this simple, I want to be invited but I don't want to go.... Meghan's Dad, Royal Wedding...could be but only joking
Edited by Mobson, May 18 2018, 10:15 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
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Douglas
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dai Cottomy
May 18 2018, 12:00 PM
Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
There must be a bigamist somewhere.
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Mobson
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A bigamist in the midst!
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Mobson
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What do you call two LibDems in a bath...all of them!


Geoff Norcott, the right-wing comedian
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dai Cottomy
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An admiring drunk to Dorothy Parker: "I simply can’t bear fools"

Parker to drunk: "Apparently your mother did not have the same difficulty."

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Mobson
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Note: "A Star is Born" Dorothy Parker was a screenwriter; she co-wrote A Star is Born with second husband Alan Parker (they were a popular screenwriting team) + Robert Carson; for which they received 'best writing' & best story Oscars for a 1937 film starring Janet Gaynor & Fredric March...it's been remade three times...1954: Judy Garland and James Mason; 1976: Barbara Striesand & Kris Kristofferson; and now in 2018: Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper! Wonder what DP would have thought to that! UK Release date: 5th October (just look at her picture she's looks amazing!)



“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to." ...dorothy parker






Until I read up on her, didn't know she left her estate to Martin Luther King Jr...what a gal!!!
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Edited by Mobson, Jun 8 2018, 09:54 AM.
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waiting4atickle
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"Age before beauty, Mrs Parker." - "And pearls before swine."

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dai Cottomy
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A few more gems from DP:


“There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply
calisthenics with words.”

“One more drink and I’ll be under the host.”

“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”
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Douglas
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Another attributed to DP.

"You can take a whore to culture but you can't make her think."
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Mobson
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<laugh> She'd more than likely get hung out to dry for that one in today's climate! #timesup
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dai Cottomy
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It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.

Woody Allen
Edited by dai Cottomy, Jun 29 2018, 01:40 PM.
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Douglas
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As the manager of an Effluent Treatment Works said:-

It may be sewage to you but it's my bread and butter.
Edited by Douglas, Jun 29 2018, 04:02 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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My IQ test result just came in. I'm really relieved. It's negative.


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