| Clerihews | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Oct 19 2012, 12:47 PM (13,158 Views) | |
| rumbaba | Oct 19 2012, 12:47 PM Post #1 |
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The Prince of Wales often regales Government ministers with his buffoonery exposing himself to the risk of lampoonery |
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| tafkaj | Oct 23 2012, 02:25 PM Post #2 |
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Jimmy Savile Wouldn't cavil That his actions were appalling - I hear Beelzebub calling. |
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| dai Cottomy | Oct 24 2012, 12:20 PM Post #3 |
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Golden voiced Charlotte Green Is often heard but never seen Alas the Beeb she's soon to depart Taking with her a large lump of my heart Edited by dai Cottomy, Oct 24 2012, 12:24 PM.
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| tafkaj | Oct 26 2012, 11:14 AM Post #4 |
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[Glad to hear the infarction's going to be cleared, dai! ]George Entwistle Will write an epistle One day to explain how management 'works' at the BBC, Which seem to be not at all to me. Edited by tafkaj, Oct 26 2012, 11:15 AM.
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| waiting4atickle | Nov 12 2012, 02:40 PM Post #5 |
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Auguste Rodin Was a working-class man With artistic pretensions And thought in three dimensions. |
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| waiting4atickle | Nov 13 2012, 10:33 PM Post #6 |
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Without prejudice... Mark Clattenburg Isn't very fond of Battenberg, But says it's all right As long as the marzipan's white. |
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| tafkaj | Nov 20 2012, 03:28 PM Post #7 |
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Vicky Pepperdine Is like a very fine wine; She gets better with age, Though that comment might fill her with rage. |
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| Rikiiboy | Nov 20 2012, 09:13 PM Post #8 |
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City trader Kweku Adoboli Gambled with USB's lolly Now that foolish turd Is doing seven years bird. |
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| tafkaj | Dec 1 2012, 01:29 PM Post #9 |
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Rapha Benitez Never wears a fez; But his reception at The Bridge Means his bonce might be assaulted with a fridge. |
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| dai Cottomy | Dec 1 2012, 09:17 PM Post #10 |
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Mark Carney Enjoys a good barney He'll waste no pity On the wide boys who mucked up the City |
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| Norm Deplume | Dec 8 2012, 06:24 PM Post #11 |
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Sylvio Berlusconi What a pile of baloney if the Italians vote for him Then they are extremely dim Edited by Norm Deplume, Dec 8 2012, 06:26 PM.
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| rumbaba | Jan 4 2013, 01:16 PM Post #12 |
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His Holiness The Pope is at the end of his rope he has had to dip into his secret stash because now, in The Vatican, he has to pay cash |
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| dai Cottomy | Jan 5 2013, 01:15 AM Post #13 |
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Justin Welby Who the hell he? The new Archbishop of Canterbury Would like you to join him for a glass of sherry |
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| tafkaj | Jan 22 2013, 02:52 PM Post #14 |
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Lindsay Sandiford, Unlike Gloria Hunniford, Broke Balinese law In the hope of no longer being poor. |
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| rumbaba | Jan 23 2013, 10:33 AM Post #15 |
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Not sure how 'law' rhymes with 'poor' Taf, but I'm Scottish
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| rumbaba | Jan 29 2013, 04:24 PM Post #16 |
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Silvio Berlusconi talked a lot of baloney about Mussolini indicating that his brain is teeny weeny |
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| waiting4atickle | Jan 29 2013, 05:46 PM Post #17 |
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Well enough for a clerihew, that's for sure. But then, you Scots do like to roll your 'R's. "Anyway, a clerihew consists of a pair of irregular rhyming couplets - and the more far-fetched the rhymes, the better - where the first line consists, at least for the most part, in someone's name." Edited by waiting4atickle, Jan 30 2013, 01:17 AM.
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| tafkaj | Feb 19 2013, 03:14 PM Post #18 |
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Oscar Pistorius Used to be glorious; He's now shot his bolt - Or, rather, his girlfriend - the dolt! |
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| rumbaba | Feb 25 2013, 04:27 PM Post #19 |
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Cardinal Keith O'Brien should have been tryin' to serve his Lord and Saviour instead of indulging in inappropriate behaviour |
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| rumbaba | Mar 25 2013, 04:22 PM Post #20 |
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Muriel Spark got dressed in the dark which explains her wearing purple with red but not putting her pants on her head |
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| tafkaj | Mar 26 2013, 02:34 PM Post #21 |
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John Lennon Would inhale xenon; This practice yields Such results as Strawberry Fields. |
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| rumbaba | Mar 26 2013, 02:42 PM Post #22 |
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Sebastian Vettel is no longer addressed as 'Petal' by Mark Webber, his team mate, who is now consumed with hate |
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| tafkaj | Mar 26 2013, 02:55 PM Post #23 |
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Jeremy Paxman Should pay more tax, man; I'm told that Eddie Mair Is a better payer. |
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| rumbaba | Mar 26 2013, 02:57 PM Post #24 |
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Boris Johnson is blond, like Gloria Swanson and, as well as being a total jerk, is also a nasty piece of work |
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| tafkaj | Mar 26 2013, 03:05 PM Post #25 |
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Michael Cockerell, If you play him at soccer,'ll Kick you to shreds - That's how he messes with politicians' heads. |
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| rumbaba | Mar 26 2013, 03:48 PM Post #26 |
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James Herbert was fond of sherbert his fans said 'good on yer' when he published his books, in the horror genre Edited by rumbaba, Apr 2 2013, 10:11 AM.
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| rumbaba | Apr 2 2013, 10:09 AM Post #27 |
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Paulo di Canio said, in a statement read out on the radio, that he was a facist but not a racist Edited by rumbaba, Apr 2 2013, 10:10 AM.
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| dai Cottomy | Apr 2 2013, 10:50 AM Post #28 |
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Of this bloke di Canio I'm not a great fan, you know, When he was quite teeny He had a tremendous crush on Benito Mussolini |
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| rumbaba | Apr 2 2013, 03:01 PM Post #29 |
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Benito Mussolini was a bit of a meanie who went from being the leader of his nation to hanging upside down in Milan at a petrol station |
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| dai Cottomy | Apr 2 2013, 03:43 PM Post #30 |
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His son-in law, Count Ciano Was a dab hand on the piano When he wed the Duce's daughter He played a medley by Cole Porter |
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| rumbaba | Apr 3 2013, 11:28 AM Post #31 |
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Count Ciano played Musolini's favourite songs on the piano because, if he didn't, he knew 'I'll get a kick out of you' |
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| tafkaj | Apr 6 2013, 11:23 AM Post #32 |
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Barack Obama Could be a farmer; He could dig up the White House lawn And plant it with much-needed corn. |
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| dai Cottomy | Apr 10 2013, 12:11 PM Post #33 |
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Goodbye Margaret Hilda Thatcher There was no one around to match'er She set the miners free from their toil And paid them off with the proceeds of North Sea oil |
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| tafkaj | Apr 16 2013, 02:20 PM Post #34 |
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Rolf Harris Has a favourite spud - Maris Piper; but I'm not sure if they serve them fried Inside. |
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| rumbaba | Apr 17 2013, 08:16 AM Post #35 |
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Margaret Thatcher was not like Teri Hatcher, who was Superman's side-kick and didn't get on my wick Edited by rumbaba, Apr 17 2013, 02:29 PM.
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| rumbaba | Apr 17 2013, 02:42 PM Post #36 |
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Margaret Thatcher, when at Education, was known as 'The milk snatcher' At school, when she was around, her classmates sighed 'Oh no, it's Snobby Roberts', even then she was despised Edited by rumbaba, Apr 17 2013, 03:10 PM.
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| waiting4atickle | Apr 19 2013, 12:16 AM Post #37 |
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Margaret Hilda Thatcher Achieved international stature. She was only a grocer's daughter, But presidents came to court her. |
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| rumbaba | May 1 2013, 10:53 AM Post #38 |
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Muriel Spark used to go to the park and sit under a tree where she wrote poetry The Sam Clarks are bright sparks I would like to go to Moro ( https://mororestaurant.wordpress.com/ ) tomorrow |
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| rumbaba | May 2 2013, 02:12 PM Post #39 |
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The conjurer Paul Daniels drinks coffee made from granules his wife, and assistant, Debbie McGee prefers to drink a cup of tea William Roache likes to travel by coach cos he thinks the buses might be brimmin' with vulnerable young women Joe Corrie I'm ever so sorry I came to your work very late long after you died in 1968 My friend, Tbone Duffy would like to be like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, destroying creatures that are sinister like Ian Duncan Smith, the works and pensions minister |
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| rumbaba | May 3 2013, 02:53 PM Post #40 |
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David Starkey is obnoxious and sarky he doesn't make me laugh he's a twat and a half David Starkey Misses the mark, he Thinks he is smart But in fact is a tedious and malicious old fart David Starkey erected a marquee and invited a gent to share his camping intent Edited by rumbaba, May 3 2013, 02:55 PM.
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| dai Cottomy | May 3 2013, 03:27 PM Post #41 |
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Yeah! Victoria Coren She's no Sofia Loren But although quite young Gave Starkey a lash with her tongue |
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| rumbaba | May 10 2013, 10:34 AM Post #42 |
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Norman Lamont won't eat a croissant on account of it bein' too European |
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| Rikiiboy | May 10 2013, 03:46 PM Post #43 |
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So what's all that noise Boos for David Moyes A six year contract Or maybe get sacked
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| Rikiiboy | May 11 2013, 07:11 PM Post #44 |
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Wigan are sitting pretty Nicking the cup from city Mancini's a bit of a flop Now will he get the chop? |
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| Rikiiboy | May 12 2013, 03:33 PM Post #45 |
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Bye bye Mancini Helllo Pellegrini Will he be best To give Moysey a test?
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| rumbaba | May 14 2013, 08:32 AM Post #46 |
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Michael Gove, all his life has strove to sound posh but talks tosh |
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| rumbaba | May 14 2013, 10:34 AM Post #47 |
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David Cameron is getting a hammerin' from his anti-Europe back-benchers who are gnashing their dentures |
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| rumbaba | May 17 2013, 02:20 PM Post #48 |
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Nigel Farage had to face barrage of angry Scots in Edinburgh, which upset him lots |
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| dai Cottomy | May 18 2013, 05:28 PM Post #49 |
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Michael Gove is a curious cove learning by rote floats his boat |
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| rumbaba | May 20 2013, 10:29 AM Post #50 |
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Michael Gove 's face turned mauve from a blocked sinus when the teachers' Union awarded him an E minus Edited by rumbaba, May 20 2013, 10:29 AM.
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| dai Cottomy | May 21 2013, 12:13 PM Post #51 |
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Accident-prone George Michael Should buy a bi-cycle Or read the Highway Code Before he hits the road The star was hospitalised following an accident on the M1 which saw him tumbling out of his car at 70mph. Of course, it's not the first time he's had a mishap involving a motor vehicle … Edited by dai Cottomy, May 21 2013, 12:34 PM.
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| rumbaba | May 21 2013, 12:19 PM Post #52 |
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Yes, I heards about that. One Newspaper headline had 'Scrape me up before you go slow' |
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| rumbaba | May 23 2013, 11:24 AM Post #53 |
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Sergio Garcia may have damaged his career by offering Tiger Woods finger-lickin' fried chicken Edited by rumbaba, May 23 2013, 12:36 PM.
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| rumbaba | May 23 2013, 01:39 PM Post #54 |
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Bonnie Tyler, you might want to file her under 'showbiz schmoozer' or 'Eurovision loser' |
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| rumbaba | May 24 2013, 09:15 AM Post #55 |
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Nigel Farage likes a saus-age and will eat English ones fit to burst but will not touch a German bratwurst |
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| tafkaj | May 28 2013, 01:22 PM Post #56 |
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Nigel Farage Has a car in's garage That looks like a Rover But is actually a Toyota. Edited by tafkaj, Jun 8 2013, 11:20 AM.
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| rumbaba | May 30 2013, 08:22 AM Post #57 |
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Nigel Farage has a manifesto that is a collage of rubbish collected from the gutters and his UKIP candidates are an assorted bunch of nutters |
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| rumbaba | May 30 2013, 10:05 AM Post #58 |
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Nigel Farage 'quelle domage' he has a French-sounding name what a shame |
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| dai Cottomy | May 30 2013, 10:56 AM Post #59 |
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Nigel Farage Built a Garage For storing the carriage He used for his marriage |
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| rumbaba | May 30 2013, 11:11 AM Post #60 |
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Nigel Farage est tout 'Le Rage' .................... |
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| dai Cottomy | May 30 2013, 11:28 AM Post #61 |
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Et sur cette page Nous rendons hommage FIN |
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| rumbaba | May 31 2013, 08:34 AM Post #62 |
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Igor Stravinsky collaborated with Nijinsky to produce 'The Rite of Spring' a controversial, Russian ballet thing |
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| rumbaba | May 31 2013, 08:35 AM Post #63 |
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Igor Stravinsky didn't have relations with Monika Lewinski Bill Clinton did though which came as a bit of a blow |
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| rumbaba | May 31 2013, 10:44 AM Post #64 |
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Nigel Farage doesn't eat potage neither would he stoop to eating French onion soup Nigel Farage uses onion and sage to make his stuffing or so he says, but he could be bluffing Nigel Farage wears a rosette and a badge but when he says 'UKIP' everyone thinks 'it's time to have forty winks' Edited by rumbaba, May 31 2013, 10:55 AM.
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| rumbaba | May 31 2013, 11:12 AM Post #65 |
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Nigel Farage has trouble with his wattage which means that, just like him, his lights are a bit dim |
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| dai Cottomy | May 31 2013, 11:20 AM Post #66 |
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You're on a roll there, Rum
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| rumbaba | May 31 2013, 12:38 PM Post #67 |
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Out of control, Dai It became a bit of a challenge to squeeze more and more out of Nigel Farage, so they become ever more inventive (or desperate) as I scrape through the bottom of the barrel. I need to move on to someone else
Edited by rumbaba, May 31 2013, 12:41 PM.
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| rumbaba | Jun 6 2013, 01:06 PM Post #68 |
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Lou Reed was in need of a new liver and had a transplant: well, I never! |
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| rumbaba | Jun 7 2013, 10:54 AM Post #69 |
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Lou Reed had need of a new liver and I'm thinking, like George Best, he'll now be able to carry on with his driinking |
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| tafkaj | Jun 8 2013, 11:22 AM Post #70 |
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Lou Reed Was in pain when he weed; He now wees at leisure With a great deal of pleasure. |
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| dai Cottomy | Jun 8 2013, 04:40 PM Post #71 |
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When asked about the health of Prince Phil The Queen replied: "he ain't ill" When the surgeon arrived with his crew The Prince said: "and what do you do?" |
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| rumbaba | Jun 9 2013, 03:58 PM Post #72 |
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Simon Cowell Had need of a towel And flew into a rage When, on the ' Britain's Got Talent' live final , some girl shelled him from the stage http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=Mnm3HdpmFr0&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DMnm3HdpmFr0 Edited by rumbaba, Jun 9 2013, 03:59 PM.
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| rumbaba | Jun 9 2013, 04:01 PM Post #73 |
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Nice one Dai BTW
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| rumbaba | Jun 12 2013, 02:37 PM Post #74 |
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http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/06/11/michael-gove-tells-diane-abbott-he-loves-her_n_3420715.html Michael Gove said he was in love with Diane Abbott an unlikely traditional-education zealot |
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| dai Cottomy | Jun 12 2013, 03:33 PM Post #75 |
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Nelson Mandela Is a doughty old fella Day after day He keeps the Grim Reaper at bay |
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| rumbaba | Jun 14 2013, 07:55 AM Post #76 |
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Nigel Farage likes savoy cabbage but I very much doubt if he'd touch a Brussels sprout Nigal Farage indulged in badinage on QT once more but I wish they would show him the door Edited by rumbaba, Jun 14 2013, 07:56 AM.
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| rumbaba | Jun 15 2013, 04:57 PM Post #77 |
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Tony Blair is rumoured to have had an affair with Wendi Deng Murdoch but it could all just be talk |
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| tafkaj | Jun 22 2013, 12:50 PM Post #78 |
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Tony Blair? Had an affair? Could be - Just look at Cherie! |
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| Rikiiboy | Jul 8 2013, 09:37 AM Post #79 |
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I'm taking my hat off now To give sir Andy Murray a bow Although he's not knighted yet He soon will be I'd bet. (a revised version for the sensei rumbaba: Sir Andy Murray here's a bow I'm taking my hat off now Although he's not knighted yet He soon will be I'd bet) Edited by Rikiiboy, Jul 8 2013, 12:19 PM.
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| rumbaba | Jul 8 2013, 09:48 AM Post #80 |
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Not strictly a Clerihew Rikii (I've been told off on other boards for subverting the form and don't care ) as the first line should be 'Andy Murray' but I like it ![]() Andy Murray should go out for a curry and a few beers to relax after all that blood , sweat and tears |
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| dai Cottomy | Jul 8 2013, 01:32 PM Post #81 |
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Andy Murray Was in a hurry To make Djokovic Slightly less rich |
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| waiting4atickle | Jul 8 2013, 01:32 PM Post #82 |
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Andy Murray Would surely prefer a McFlurry. That final was gruelling So he needs something cooling. |
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| waiting4atickle | Jul 8 2013, 07:15 PM Post #83 |
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Andy Murray Has a house in Surrey Where he spends part of the summer 'Cause commuting from Dunblane to Wimbledon is a bummer. |
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| rumbaba | Jul 8 2013, 10:52 PM Post #84 |
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On fire, Tick This could outdo Nigel Farage
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| Rikiiboy | Jul 9 2013, 02:22 AM Post #85 |
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Andy Murray's Wimbledon commotion After Ivan Lendl's devotion With no Englishman in it It just took a good Jock to win it. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/8094716.stm Edited by Rikiiboy, Jul 9 2013, 04:10 AM.
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| rumbaba | Jul 9 2013, 10:24 AM Post #86 |
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Jock o' vic lost though
Edited by rumbaba, Jul 9 2013, 10:25 AM.
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| Rikiiboy | Jul 9 2013, 08:23 PM Post #87 |
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Paul Gascoigne if you're reading this You must get yourself of the drink? Only one in ten alcoholics succeed So give it up now or die in need. |
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| dai Cottomy | Jul 10 2013, 01:00 AM Post #88 |
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Rupert Murdoch The Newspaper Moloch Was heard to mumble "I'm not really humble." Edited by dai Cottomy, Jul 10 2013, 01:00 AM.
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| rumbaba | Jul 10 2013, 12:50 PM Post #89 |
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Moloch, I'm impressed ![]() I have an album by Memphis band Moloch, othertwise I wouldn't know what it meant
Edited by rumbaba, Jul 10 2013, 12:50 PM.
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| Rikiiboy | Jul 10 2013, 07:17 PM Post #90 |
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William Hague Wasn't being vague With his diatribe And stupid woman jibe.
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| rumbaba | Jul 11 2013, 01:48 PM Post #91 |
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Alan Titchmarsh is a challenge because, apart from 'harsh' nothing rhymes withh his name which is a shame
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| Rikiiboy | Jul 11 2013, 03:42 PM Post #92 |
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Stuart Hall how the mighty fall Now he's in nick Abusing his wick? Stuart Hall It's the reviewer's call To lengthen his sentence Will increase repentance. |
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| Rikiiboy | Jul 11 2013, 03:55 PM Post #93 |
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Denis MacShane Had better explain His expenses games With fraudulent claims. |
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| Rikiiboy | Jul 11 2013, 08:14 PM Post #94 |
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Michael Gove By jove Parliament can stick it's pay rise Where the sun doesn't rise. George Osborne Yawn yawn No need for tax rises All lies,his. Edited by Rikiiboy, Jul 11 2013, 09:02 PM.
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| rumbaba | Jul 11 2013, 08:17 PM Post #95 |
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| dai Cottomy | Jul 11 2013, 08:41 PM Post #96 |
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The Beeb's DG, Tony Hall Is far from having a ball He is thoroughly browned off With all the wallowing in the trough |
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| rumbaba | Jul 12 2013, 10:51 AM Post #97 |
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Hugh Mosby Joaquin hasn't made a token post for a while, which is a shame because I liked his style |
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| rumbaba | Jul 12 2013, 12:38 PM Post #98 |
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Mobson wasn't married to Richard Jobson it was Mariella Frostrup, when he was the singer with the Skids but it didn't last: they were only kids |
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| Rikiiboy | Jul 12 2013, 04:56 PM Post #99 |
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Edward Snowden Will be an oldun When he's caught Leaving Moscow airport. |
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| Rikiiboy | Jul 12 2013, 09:15 PM Post #100 |
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Mohamed Morsi Well of course he Will soon be let go But not as pharoah. Edited by Rikiiboy, Jul 14 2013, 08:49 AM.
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) as the first line should be 'Andy Murray' but I like it

7:02 AM Jul 13