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Clerihews
Topic Started: Oct 19 2012, 12:47 PM (13,156 Views)
rumbaba
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The Prince of Wales
often regales
Government ministers with his buffoonery
exposing himself to the risk of lampoonery
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tafkaj

Jimmy Savile
Wouldn't cavil
That his actions were appalling -
I hear Beelzebub calling.
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dai Cottomy
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Golden voiced Charlotte Green
Is often heard but never seen
Alas the Beeb she's soon to depart
Taking with her a large lump of my heart
Edited by dai Cottomy, Oct 24 2012, 12:24 PM.
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tafkaj

[Glad to hear the infarction's going to be cleared, dai! <laugh> ]

George Entwistle
Will write an epistle
One day to explain how management 'works' at the BBC,
Which seem to be not at all to me.
Edited by tafkaj, Oct 26 2012, 11:15 AM.
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waiting4atickle
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Auguste Rodin
Was a working-class man
With artistic pretensions
And thought in three dimensions.

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waiting4atickle
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Without prejudice...

Mark Clattenburg
Isn't very fond of Battenberg,
But says it's all right
As long as the marzipan's white.


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tafkaj

Vicky Pepperdine
Is like a very fine wine;
She gets better with age,
Though that comment might fill her with rage.
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Rikiiboy
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City trader Kweku Adoboli
Gambled with USB's lolly
Now that foolish turd
Is doing seven years bird.
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tafkaj

Rapha Benitez
Never wears a fez;
But his reception at The Bridge
Means his bonce might be assaulted with a fridge.
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dai Cottomy
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Mark Carney
Enjoys a good barney
He'll waste no pity
On the wide boys who mucked up the City
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Norm Deplume
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Sylvio Berlusconi
What a pile of baloney
if the Italians vote for him
Then they are extremely dim
Edited by Norm Deplume, Dec 8 2012, 06:26 PM.
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rumbaba
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His Holiness The Pope
is at the end of his rope
he has had to dip into his secret stash
because now, in The Vatican, he has to pay cash
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dai Cottomy
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Justin Welby
Who the hell he?
The new Archbishop of Canterbury
Would like you to join him for a glass of sherry
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tafkaj

Lindsay Sandiford,
Unlike Gloria Hunniford,
Broke Balinese law
In the hope of no longer being poor.
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rumbaba
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Not sure how 'law' rhymes with 'poor' Taf, but I'm Scottish :(
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rumbaba
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Silvio Berlusconi
talked a lot of baloney
about Mussolini
indicating that his brain is teeny weeny
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waiting4atickle
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rumbaba
Jan 23 2013, 10:33 AM
Not sure how 'law' rhymes with 'poor' Taf, but I'm Scottish :(

Well enough for a clerihew, that's for sure. But then, you Scots do like to roll your 'R's. <laugh>

"Anyway, a clerihew consists of a pair of irregular rhyming couplets - and the more far-fetched the rhymes, the better - where the first line consists, at least for the most part, in someone's name."


Edited by waiting4atickle, Jan 30 2013, 01:17 AM.
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tafkaj

Oscar Pistorius
Used to be glorious;
He's now shot his bolt -
Or, rather, his girlfriend - the dolt!
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rumbaba
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Cardinal Keith O'Brien
should have been tryin'
to serve his Lord and Saviour
instead of indulging in inappropriate behaviour
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rumbaba
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Muriel Spark
got dressed in the dark
which explains her wearing purple with red
but not putting her pants on her head
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tafkaj

John Lennon
Would inhale xenon;
This practice yields
Such results as Strawberry Fields.
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rumbaba
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Sebastian Vettel
is no longer addressed as 'Petal'
by Mark Webber, his team mate,
who is now consumed with hate
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tafkaj

Jeremy Paxman
Should pay more tax, man;
I'm told that Eddie Mair
Is a better payer.
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rumbaba
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Boris Johnson
is blond, like Gloria Swanson
and, as well as being a total jerk,
is also a nasty piece of work
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tafkaj

Michael Cockerell,
If you play him at soccer,'ll
Kick you to shreds -
That's how he messes with politicians' heads.
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rumbaba
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James Herbert
was fond of sherbert
his fans said 'good on yer'
when he published his books, in the horror genre
Edited by rumbaba, Apr 2 2013, 10:11 AM.
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rumbaba
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Paulo di Canio
said, in a statement read out on the radio,
that he was a facist
but not a racist
Edited by rumbaba, Apr 2 2013, 10:10 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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Of this bloke di Canio
I'm not a great fan, you know,
When he was quite teeny
He had a tremendous crush on Benito Mussolini
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rumbaba
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Benito Mussolini
was a bit of a meanie
who went from being the leader of his nation
to hanging upside down in Milan at a petrol station
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dai Cottomy
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His son-in law, Count Ciano
Was a dab hand on the piano
When he wed the Duce's daughter
He played a medley by Cole Porter
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rumbaba
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Count Ciano
played Musolini's favourite songs on the piano
because, if he didn't, he knew
'I'll get a kick out of you'
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tafkaj

Barack Obama
Could be a farmer;
He could dig up the White House lawn
And plant it with much-needed corn.
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dai Cottomy
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Goodbye Margaret Hilda Thatcher
There was no one around to match'er
She set the miners free from their toil
And paid them off with the proceeds of North Sea oil



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tafkaj

Rolf Harris
Has a favourite spud - Maris
Piper; but I'm not sure if they serve them fried
Inside.
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rumbaba
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Margaret Thatcher
was not like Teri Hatcher,
who was Superman's side-kick
and didn't get on my wick
Edited by rumbaba, Apr 17 2013, 02:29 PM.
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rumbaba
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Margaret Thatcher,
when at Education, was known as 'The milk snatcher'
At school, when she was around, her classmates sighed
'Oh no, it's Snobby Roberts', even then she was despised

Edited by rumbaba, Apr 17 2013, 03:10 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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Margaret Hilda Thatcher
Achieved international stature.
She was only a grocer's daughter,
But presidents came to court her.

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rumbaba
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Muriel Spark
used to go to the park
and sit under a tree
where she wrote poetry

The Sam Clarks
are bright sparks
I would like to go to Moro ( https://mororestaurant.wordpress.com/ )
tomorrow


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rumbaba
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The conjurer Paul Daniels
drinks coffee made from granules
his wife, and assistant, Debbie McGee
prefers to drink a cup of tea

William Roache
likes to travel by coach
cos he thinks the buses might be brimmin'
with vulnerable young women

Joe Corrie
I'm ever so sorry
I came to your work very late
long after you died in 1968

My friend, Tbone Duffy
would like to be like Buffy
the Vampire Slayer, destroying creatures that are sinister
like Ian Duncan Smith, the works and pensions minister

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rumbaba
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David Starkey
is obnoxious and sarky
he doesn't make me laugh
he's a twat and a half

David Starkey
Misses the mark, he
Thinks he is smart
But in fact is a tedious and malicious old fart

David Starkey
erected a marquee
and invited a gent
to share his camping intent
Edited by rumbaba, May 3 2013, 02:55 PM.
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dai Cottomy
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Yeah! Victoria Coren
She's no Sofia Loren
But although quite young
Gave Starkey a lash with her tongue
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rumbaba
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Norman Lamont
won't eat a croissant
on account of it bein'
too European
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Rikiiboy
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So what's all that noise
Boos for David Moyes
A six year contract
Or maybe get sacked <laugh>
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Rikiiboy
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Wigan are sitting pretty
Nicking the cup from city
Mancini's a bit of a flop
Now will he get the chop?
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Rikiiboy
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Bye bye Mancini
Helllo Pellegrini
Will he be best
To give Moysey a test? <erm>
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rumbaba
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Michael Gove,
all his life has strove
to sound posh
but talks tosh
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rumbaba
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David Cameron
is getting a hammerin'
from his anti-Europe back-benchers
who are gnashing their dentures



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rumbaba
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Nigel Farage
had to face barrage
of angry Scots
in Edinburgh, which upset him lots
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dai Cottomy
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Michael Gove
is a curious cove
learning by rote
floats his boat
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rumbaba
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Michael Gove
's face turned mauve
from a blocked sinus
when the teachers' Union awarded him an E minus
Edited by rumbaba, May 20 2013, 10:29 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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Accident-prone George Michael
Should buy a bi-cycle
Or read the Highway Code
Before he hits the road

The star was hospitalised following an accident on the M1 which saw him tumbling out of his car at 70mph. Of course, it's not the first time he's had a mishap involving a motor vehicle …
Edited by dai Cottomy, May 21 2013, 12:34 PM.
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rumbaba
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Yes, I heards about that. One Newspaper headline had 'Scrape me up before you go slow'
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rumbaba
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Sergio Garcia
may have damaged his career
by offering Tiger Woods finger-lickin'
fried chicken

Edited by rumbaba, May 23 2013, 12:36 PM.
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rumbaba
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Bonnie Tyler,
you might want to file her
under 'showbiz schmoozer'
or 'Eurovision loser'
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rumbaba
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Nigel Farage
likes a saus-age
and will eat English ones fit to burst
but will not touch a German bratwurst

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tafkaj

Nigel Farage
Has a car in's garage
That looks like a Rover
But is actually a Toyota.
Edited by tafkaj, Jun 8 2013, 11:20 AM.
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rumbaba
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Nigel Farage
has a manifesto that is a collage
of rubbish collected from the gutters
and his UKIP candidates are an assorted bunch of nutters
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rumbaba
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Nigel Farage
'quelle domage'
he has a French-sounding name
what a shame
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dai Cottomy
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Nigel Farage
Built a Garage
For storing the carriage
He used for his marriage
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rumbaba
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Nigel Farage
est tout 'Le Rage'
....................
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dai Cottomy
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rumbaba
May 30 2013, 11:11 AM
Nigel Farage
est tout 'Le Rage'
....................
Et sur cette page
Nous rendons hommage

FIN
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rumbaba
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Igor Stravinsky
collaborated with Nijinsky
to produce 'The Rite of Spring'
a controversial, Russian ballet thing
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rumbaba
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Igor Stravinsky
didn't have relations with Monika Lewinski
Bill Clinton did though
which came as a bit of a blow
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rumbaba
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Nigel Farage
doesn't eat potage
neither would he stoop
to eating French onion soup



Nigel Farage
uses onion and sage
to make his stuffing
or so he says, but he could be bluffing



Nigel Farage
wears a rosette and a badge
but when he says 'UKIP' everyone thinks
'it's time to have forty winks'

Edited by rumbaba, May 31 2013, 10:55 AM.
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rumbaba
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Nigel Farage
has trouble with his wattage
which means that, just like him,
his lights are a bit dim
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dai Cottomy
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You're on a roll there, Rum <ok>
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rumbaba
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Out of control, Dai <laugh>

It became a bit of a challenge to squeeze more and more out of Nigel Farage, so they become ever more inventive (or desperate) as I scrape through the bottom of the barrel. I need to move on to someone else <erm>
Edited by rumbaba, May 31 2013, 12:41 PM.
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rumbaba
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Lou Reed
was in need
of a new liver
and had a transplant: well, I never!
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rumbaba
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Lou Reed
had need
of a new liver and I'm thinking,
like George Best, he'll now be able to carry on with his driinking
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tafkaj

Lou Reed
Was in pain when he weed;
He now wees at leisure
With a great deal of pleasure.
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dai Cottomy
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When asked about the health of Prince Phil
The Queen replied: "he ain't ill"
When the surgeon arrived with his crew
The Prince said: "and what do you do?"
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rumbaba
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Simon Cowell
Had need of a towel
And flew into a rage
When, on the ' Britain's Got Talent' live final , some girl shelled him from the stage

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=Mnm3HdpmFr0&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DMnm3HdpmFr0
Edited by rumbaba, Jun 9 2013, 03:59 PM.
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rumbaba
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Nice one Dai BTW <ok>
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rumbaba
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http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/06/11/michael-gove-tells-diane-abbott-he-loves-her_n_3420715.html

Michael Gove
said he was in love
with Diane Abbott
an unlikely traditional-education zealot



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dai Cottomy
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Nelson Mandela
Is a doughty old fella
Day after day
He keeps the Grim Reaper at bay

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rumbaba
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Nigel Farage
likes savoy cabbage
but I very much doubt
if he'd touch a Brussels sprout

Nigal Farage
indulged in badinage
on QT once more
but I wish they would show him the door
Edited by rumbaba, Jun 14 2013, 07:56 AM.
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rumbaba
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Tony Blair
is rumoured to have had an affair
with Wendi Deng Murdoch
but it could all just be talk
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tafkaj

Tony Blair?
Had an affair?
Could be -
Just look at Cherie!
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Rikiiboy
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I'm taking my hat off now
To give sir Andy Murray a bow
Although he's not knighted yet
He soon will be I'd bet.

(a revised version for the sensei rumbaba:
Sir Andy Murray here's a bow
I'm taking my hat off now
Although he's not knighted yet
He soon will be I'd bet)
Edited by Rikiiboy, Jul 8 2013, 12:19 PM.
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rumbaba
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Not strictly a Clerihew Rikii (I've been told off on other boards for subverting the form and don't care :) ) as the first line should be 'Andy Murray' but I like it <ok>

Andy Murray
should go out for a curry
and a few beers
to relax after all that blood , sweat and tears
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dai Cottomy
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Andy Murray
Was in a hurry
To make Djokovic
Slightly less rich
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waiting4atickle
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Andy Murray
Would surely prefer a McFlurry.
That final was gruelling
So he needs something cooling.

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waiting4atickle
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Andy Murray
Has a house in Surrey
Where he spends part of the summer
'Cause commuting from Dunblane to Wimbledon is a bummer.

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rumbaba
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On fire, Tick <ok> This could outdo Nigel Farage <laugh>
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Rikiiboy
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Andy Murray's Wimbledon commotion
After Ivan Lendl's devotion
With no Englishman in it
It just took a good Jock to win it.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/8094716.stm
Edited by Rikiiboy, Jul 9 2013, 04:10 AM.
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rumbaba
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Jock o' vic lost though :)
Edited by rumbaba, Jul 9 2013, 10:25 AM.
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Rikiiboy
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Paul Gascoigne if you're reading this
You must get yourself of the drink?
Only one in ten alcoholics succeed
So give it up now or die in need.
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dai Cottomy
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Rupert Murdoch
The Newspaper Moloch
Was heard to mumble
"I'm not really humble."
Edited by dai Cottomy, Jul 10 2013, 01:00 AM.
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rumbaba
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Moloch, I'm impressed <ok>

I have an album by Memphis band Moloch, othertwise I wouldn't know what it meant :)
Edited by rumbaba, Jul 10 2013, 12:50 PM.
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Rikiiboy
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William Hague
Wasn't being vague
With his diatribe
And stupid woman jibe. <whistles>
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rumbaba
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Alan Titchmarsh
is a challenge because, apart from 'harsh'
nothing rhymes withh his name
which is a shame :(
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Rikiiboy
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Stuart Hall
how the mighty fall
Now he's in nick
Abusing his wick?

Stuart Hall
It's the reviewer's call
To lengthen his sentence
Will increase repentance.
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Rikiiboy
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Denis MacShane
Had better explain
His expenses games
With fraudulent claims.
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Rikiiboy
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Michael Gove
By jove
Parliament can stick it's pay rise
Where the sun doesn't rise.

George Osborne
Yawn yawn
No need for tax rises
All lies,his.
Edited by Rikiiboy, Jul 11 2013, 09:02 PM.
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rumbaba
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<laugh> <ok>
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dai Cottomy
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The Beeb's DG, Tony Hall
Is far from having a ball
He is thoroughly browned off
With all the wallowing in the trough
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rumbaba
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Hugh Mosby Joaquin
hasn't made a token
post for a while,
which is a shame because I liked his style

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rumbaba
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Mobson
wasn't married to Richard Jobson
it was Mariella Frostrup, when he was the singer with the Skids
but it didn't last: they were only kids
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Rikiiboy
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Edward Snowden
Will be an oldun
When he's caught
Leaving Moscow airport.
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Rikiiboy
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Mohamed Morsi
Well of course he
Will soon be let go
But not as pharoah.
Edited by Rikiiboy, Jul 14 2013, 08:49 AM.
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