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Clerihews
Topic Started: Oct 19 2012, 12:47 PM (13,161 Views)
rumbaba
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The Prince of Wales
often regales
Government ministers with his buffoonery
exposing himself to the risk of lampoonery
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Rikiiboy
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Stuart Broad
Gets Ozzy hoard
As five wickets falls
To his super balls. <mrdickybird>
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Rikiiboy
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Paul Flowers
Taking police station showers
But... he' s not such a dope
And not dropping his soap.
Edited by Rikiiboy, Nov 22 2013, 11:22 AM.
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tafkaj

[I'd have thought that's one of the very activities he would be engaging in, Rikii!]

Michael Clarke
Likes a lark;
"Break yer arm" ... ?
Next time you're in England, cobber, I wouldn't venture into Birmingham's Australian Bar - you might find that you come to not a little harm!

Jonathan Trott
Is, apparently, not
Not very well -
And, in any case, those gobby Aussies don't 'alf smell.
Edited by tafkaj, Nov 30 2013, 12:37 PM.
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Rikiiboy
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Jimmy White
Very nearly,might
Got to six finals for snooker cup
But always came runner up.

Charles Saatchi
Has got such a stash he
Loses a million a year
on assisstant's gear.

Herbie Hide
Locked up inside
Feeling a heel
After failed cocaine deal.

Black Friday
ASDA buy day
Brings discount deals
And shopper squeals.
Edited by Rikiiboy, Nov 29 2013, 08:01 PM.
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tafkaj

Nigella Lawson
Got caught up with some whoreson
Drug peddler,
Which turned her into a money meddler.
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Rikiiboy
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Sharon Osbourne
Slackness gorn?
Was very frightened
But had vagina tightened.

Rev Pat Storey
Gets all the glory
As first woman bishop
To join mother ship.
Edited by Rikiiboy, Nov 30 2013, 04:02 PM.
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Rikiiboy
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Theresa May
Foiled again we say
As Iza Muazu
Is back to haunt you.
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Rikiiboy
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David Cameron
Doesn't enamour one
With yes please
In league with the Chinese.
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Rikiiboy
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Tony Daley ( as has been kindly pointed out by Tafjaj,it's not Tony but Tom.)
So they say he
Bats both ways
And,wants our praise.


( CORRECT! I do apologise Taf,I am a Villia fan too,so I should flippin'know better,still dyslexia comes to us all,innit. ) <nickclegg>
Edited by Rikiiboy, Dec 3 2013, 04:38 PM.
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tafkaj

Tony Daley
Used to playee
For Aston Villa;
He never dived off a ten-metre pillar.
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Rikiiboy
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Nigella Lawson
Has had her claws on
Plenty cocaine
She admits again?
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rumbaba
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Tom Daley
announced gaily
he no longer wants to pretend
that he doesn't have a boyfriend
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Rikiiboy
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Boris Johnson
His brain has gone son
He gives his brain a rest
After failing IQ test.

Boris Johnson
What you on son
Did your daddy waste his cash
With edumicated trash?
Edited by Rikiiboy, Dec 4 2013, 11:16 PM.
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Rikiiboy
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Boxer the horse
Went to the knacker of course
George Osborne he forgot to mention
It'll soon be seventy to get your pension..
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Rikiiboy
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Ed Balls
Busts his smalls
Goes red in the face
Putting Osborne in his place?
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Rikiiboy
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Nelson Mandela
Tata,freedom seller
The king of unification
For a rainbow nation.
Edited by Rikiiboy, Dec 5 2013, 11:21 PM.
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tafkaj

Neslon Mandela,
A hell of a fella;
It's grossly unfair
That we're now only left with the likes of Blair.
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Rikiiboy
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David Moyes
What's all that noise?
Ohh! it's the toon army
0-1 and they're going barmy.

David Moyes
Loses poise
But after 41 year wait
Newcastle feel great.
Edited by Rikiiboy, Dec 7 2013, 04:36 PM.
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rumbaba
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Sam Allerdyce,
it's not very nice
to be facing the drop
maybe you should get the chop
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tafkaj

Tulisa Contostavlos,
If jailed, would be no great loss;
I you deal in cocaine
You must be insane.
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rumbaba
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Len Goodman
is a roast beef and Yorkshire pud man
but Abbey Clancy
prefers something more fancy
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Rikiiboy
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Her majesty the Queen
Causes quite a scene
With furious reaction
To nut pilfering distraction.

Alan Watts
We hope he rots
ASDA carpark killer
Gets five years in chiller.

John Terry
Feels extra merry
As bargain hunter
Is poundworld punter...
Edited by Rikiiboy, Dec 12 2013, 05:56 PM.
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tafkaj

Abby Clancy
Is quite dancey,
But Peter Crouch
Just lies on the couch.
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rumbaba
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AVB
can't seem to see
that a three year plan
is no good if, in the meantime, your team is going down the pan

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tafkaj

AVB
Reminds me
Of a minister
Who, promoted way beyond his capabilities, comes across as somewhat sinister.
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Rikiiboy
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Ronnie Biggs
Checks out his digs
It's funeral clobber
For great train robber....
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rumbaba
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Miley Cyrus
looks like she's is suffering from a virus
with her alarming jerking
which she calls 'twerking'
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Rikiiboy
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Ian Watkins
Lost prophet begins
A long 35 years
To hide from his peers.
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Rikiiboy
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Malky Mackay
It's time to up and away
Resign get your bags packed
Or just wait to be sacked?

David Cameron
Uses no posh grammar on
Getting right down and murky
With his xmas Ed Balls turkey...

Edited by Rikiiboy, Dec 19 2013, 08:56 PM.
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Rikiiboy
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Tonight from the Apollo
Brings plenty of sorrow
As night on the town
Brings the roof down....

Kieth Vaz
Getting aerated as
GP's aid drug habits
With prescription tablets....
Edited by Rikiiboy, Dec 20 2013, 07:22 AM.
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rumbaba
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Malky MacKay
bye bye
Mr Tan
is a very hard man
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rumbaba
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The Grillos
should have used their company credit cards to buy soap powder and brillos
instead they were buying luxury goods. Francesca said that Nigella allowed 'er - why?
because she wanted to keep her powder dry
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waiting4atickle
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Vincent Tan
May be a successful businessman,
But when it comes to football
He knows bugger all.

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Rikiiboy
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Graeme Swann
Yep! he's gone
"Up their own backsides"
His former mates he derides....
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tafkaj

Santa Claus
Doesn't use doors,
Preferring instead
Chimneys and a suit of red
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dai Cottomy
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Mikhail Kalashnikov
From his perch has dropped off
He never liked to mention
How many people were killed by his invention
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tafkaj

Mikhails Kalashnikov
And Baryshnikov,
Both great Russian exports,
But both engendering very different thoughts.
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Rikiiboy
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David Moyes
Throws down his toys
Stamps his feet
And blames Webb for defeat...
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Rikiiboy
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Nick Griffin
Has wings clippin'
No politics to disrupt
As he's declared bankrupt.
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tafkaj

Michael Clarke
Has played off the park
Alastair Cook's team,
Who should now return to Cheam.
Edited by tafkaj, Jan 4 2014, 12:41 PM.
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Rikiiboy
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Theo Walcott
World cup hopes shot
Knee injury pest
Means six months rest.
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tafkaj

Theo Walcott,
He is not
All he should be,
Because of his injured knee.
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Rikiiboy
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David Moyes
Fails with big boys
Blaming referees
As he feels the squeeze.
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rumbaba
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David Moyes
throws his toys
out of the pram and blames the match officials' lack of proficiency
for his team's deficiency
Edited by rumbaba, Jan 10 2014, 11:28 AM.
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Rikiiboy
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Sam Allardyce
Has gonads in vice
As Man C six nil hammering
Leaves him stammering
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Rikiiboy
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Chris Smalling
Costume appalling
Using too much aplomb
Dressed as a bomb.
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Rikiiboy
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David Moyes
Stop that noise
His barrage
gets FA misconduct charge.
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tafkaj

Benedict Cumberbatch
Might hurt his lumber, natch;
He's a flexible actor,
So injury might become a factor.
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Rikiiboy
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Ariel Sharon
Has finally gone
Loved by a few
And well hated too.
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Rikiiboy
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Mikhail Kalashnikov
Feared his weapon going off
And spent years up to the hilt
Wracked with guilt. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-25709371
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rumbaba
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Francois Hollande
is very fond
of having affairs
but, in France, nobody cares
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tafkaj

[That's what they'd have us believe, rum, but it ain't true - they LAP it up!]


Lt Columbo
Brooked no mumbo-jumbo;
He'd solve any crime
Given enough time.
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rumbaba
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Maybe Taf but I needed something to rhyme with 'affairs' :)

Bernard Levin
died and went to Heaven
but got kicked out, the silly sod
for constantly arguing with God
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dai Cottomy
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Jeremy Paxman
Likes to to play axe man
He no longer looks weird
Having shaved off his beard
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tafkaj

Michaela Tabb
Could work in my lab
Any time she likes -
But I'd never get any work done - YIKES! <yikes>
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Rikiiboy
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Screaming Lord Sutch
He taught them so much
The monster raving loony party
Are now in number ten me hearty.
Edited by Rikiiboy, Jan 20 2014, 07:55 AM.
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Rikiiboy
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Lord Rennard
He's a card?
Suspended by the Lib Dems
For that which they condemns.
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Rikiiboy
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Nick Clegg
Blows his keg
As groping peer
Begins to leer.
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Rikiiboy
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David Beckham
Goes to Peckham
And his course is
Only fools and horses.


Bridget Harris
Protects her 'Arri's
If groping peer
Gets too near.
Edited by Rikiiboy, Jan 21 2014, 10:01 AM.
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tafkaj

Lord Rennard
Thinks he's hard
For groping policy nerds
And gorgeous Lib-Dem birds ...

[Oh - did I say that out loud ... ?]
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rumbaba
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Nick Clegg
has a face-covered in egg
from trying to tackle
the latest Lib Dem debacle
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rumbaba
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Lord Rennard
Thinks he's Elmore Leonard
but he is nowhere near as cool
he's just a sad, pervy old fool
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Rikiiboy
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Dave Lee Travis
Liked to have his
Quick fondle of breasts
A reporter protests.
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Rikiiboy
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Man united
Unexcited
Moyes pain
Sunderland gain.

David Moyes
No more ploys
As fans scatter
He Sends for Mata.

Jose Mourinho
He no gringo
He feel no wrench
Selling player who don't make bench?
Edited by Rikiiboy, Jan 23 2014, 12:11 AM.
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Rikiiboy
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Mike Hancock
What a shock?
Misconduct towards a female ?
His name tells the tale.
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tafkaj

Juan Mata,
Mad as a hatter -
Why leave Chelsea
To join poor old Moyesy?
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Rikiiboy
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Ed Balls
Higher tax income calls
New fifty P rate OK
For those earning over one fifty K?

Francois Hollande
Has got a new blonde
Trierweiler split
Wont hurt a bit.
Edited by Rikiiboy, Jan 25 2014, 06:31 PM.
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Rikiiboy
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DJ Travis
Says he didn't have his
Wicked way
No matter what those women say.

Ed Balls
No crystal balls
As name calling joke
Makes him choke.
Edited by Rikiiboy, Jan 30 2014, 02:59 PM.
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Rikiiboy
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and another suffering from the bucket/bouquet syndrome?

Michael Gove
Heavens above
What a shame?
He can't pronounce his own name.
Edited by Rikiiboy, Feb 2 2014, 09:23 AM.
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waiting4atickle
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Michael Gove
Seems a very odd cove.
Is he a governor
Or just a Job's comforter?

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Rikiiboy
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William Roache
Beyond reproach
As five women claiming rapes
Taste sour grapes.
Edited by Rikiiboy, Feb 6 2014, 05:17 PM.
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Rikiiboy
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Bob Crow
Eastender I know
Ticket office defender
And BJ offender.

PC Mike Baillon
Proves that an assail on
Old pensioner's range rover
Pays 430 grand hand over.

Kieth Wallace,plebgate
Today heard his fate
For telling a porkie pie
Will in nick for twelve months lie.

Edited by Rikiiboy, Feb 6 2014, 05:03 PM.
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rumbaba
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David Starkey
is unpleasant and narky
to audience, panel and chair
I wonder why he's there?
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tafkaj

Keith Wallis
Joined the police (Irish pronunciation!)
To bring down a government -
Now he's enjoying a year's internment.
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Rikiiboy
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Mark Harper
Should've been sharper
Employing an illegal cleaner
Is a misdemeanour.
Edited by Rikiiboy, Feb 8 2014, 04:21 PM.
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Rikiiboy
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Dave Lee Travis
Did not have his
Wicked way
So the jurors say.
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Rikiiboy
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John Bercow
Please stop it now!
Of yobbery and public school twittishness
Let's have a whole lot less.
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dai Cottomy
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Bank Chief Mark Carney
Doesn't give us blarney
He tells it like it is
'Cos a financial wiz is what he is
Edited by dai Cottomy, Feb 19 2014, 10:48 AM.
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rumbaba
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Doc Wu
I will meet you
and your daughter on Saturday
When I go to see your play
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Rikiiboy
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Arsene Wenger
Feeling tender
As Bayern Munich
Makes him sick.
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Rikiiboy
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Mr Blair
Back in media stare
As Rebekah Brooks
More guilty looks?
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dai Cottomy
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Re: Tony Blair
Let's be fair
The advice that she got
Wasn't worth a lot
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tafkaj

"Re: Tony Blair
Let's be fair" ... ?
No -
GO!
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Rikiiboy
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Alan Pardew
You lump of lard you
Sent off for the sin
Of butting in?
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Rikiiboy
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Oscar Pistorius
Is now notorious
The athlete on springs
In court now sings?
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tafkaj

Alan Pardew -
So, you think you're hard, d'you?
Use your head
Before you end up dead.
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Rikiiboy
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Clarissa Dickson Wright
Used to like to get tight
No pudding or main course
Just plenty of the sauce.
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tafkaj

Clarissa Dickson Wright
Has said her last 'Goodnight';
Perhaps we can now all concentrate
On losing weight.
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Rikiiboy
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Maria Miller
Tax chiller
An enormous distraction
And resignation action.
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Caro

The little Prince George
With his parents forge
A trip to NZ
Where he's feted, fondled and fed.
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Rikiiboy
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David Moyes
Brings others joys
And brand new hope
Now Man U has a dope.
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tafkaj

Caro
Has a perspective narrow;
She's posting on here
Even though two future kings are near!
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Rikiiboy
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David Moyes
Now full of joys
After Man U sacking
Compensation's cracking!
Edited by Rikiiboy, Apr 22 2014, 08:56 AM.
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tafkaj

Cyril Smith
Created the myth
Of being a cheery chappy
That kept the Lib-dem leadership happy.
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Rikiiboy
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Stephen Gerrard?
Well... he fell hard
Then Chelsea stole
The opening goal.

HS 2
I'm anti are you?
It's like turning the clocks back
Transport,on a fixed track?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-27184269
Edited by Rikiiboy, Apr 28 2014, 07:21 AM.
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Rikiiboy
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Anne Maguire
Didn't get to retire
Murdered on the job
By a mindless yob?
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rumbaba
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Nigel Farage
will need to wear camouflage
and a tin hat
it he goes back to Scotland, where everybody thinks he's a twat
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tafkaj

Anne Maguire
Lit the fire
Of learning in kids, giving them the bug -
Well, in all except for one useless, mindless thug.
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Rikiiboy
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Vince Cable
Is unstable
And defending royal mail sale price
With gonads in vice.

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dai Cottomy
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Dear old Jezza Paxman
He's a bit of an axe man
We'll really miss the sight
Of him presenting Newsnight
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