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Clerihews
Topic Started: Oct 19 2012, 12:47 PM (13,160 Views)
rumbaba
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The Prince of Wales
often regales
Government ministers with his buffoonery
exposing himself to the risk of lampoonery
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rumbaba
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<ok>
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Rikiiboy
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Jeremy Clarkson
N..... gaff will nark some
Asking for forgiveness
To get out of the mess.
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tafkaj

Rikiiboy
Apr 29 2014, 08:46 PM
Vince Cable
Is unstable
And defending royal mail sale price
With gonads in vice.

Vince Cable
Has proven he's able
To imitate Gordon Brown -
He does a very good impression of a financially illiterate clown.
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tafkaj

Rikiiboy
May 2 2014, 06:01 AM
Jeremy Clarkson
N..... gaff will nark some
Asking for forgiveness
To get out of the mess.
I'm no particular fan of Clarkson (nor Top Gear, for that matter), but in the past I've often defended his journalistic style on the basis of it being a kind of via negativa approach - by the responses of others to him does he thus reveal their own characters.

His puerile apology for the latest bit of trumped-up controversy, however, reveals just what a dimwitted arse he really is. He's not racist - I don't think that can be doubted - and he's probably not truly sexist either, but in all his 50-odd years on this planet he doesn't seem to have worked out what was good and what was bad in his past and done anything to correct the bad. Most of us go through life wondering how we 'got here', as it were, and trying not to perpetuate the worst bits in the next generation. Clarkson, etc., appears to have been happy to just make £millions from the licence fee payer (without ever revealing the cost to them of doing so - the BBC refuse to reveal the Top Gear budget) and to remain in the adolescent emptiness that one might expect from a 13-year-old who can't be bothered to work at school.
Edited by tafkaj, May 10 2014, 12:43 PM.
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waiting4atickle
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Maxwell Frank Clifford
Is a man with whom many have differed.
For their views he didn't give tuppence:
How good to see him get his comeuppance.

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Rikiiboy
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Ryan Giggs
Is no Mr Bigs
As black cat team
Get the cream...
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tafkaj

David Cameron
Will continute to hammer on
Miliband's door
'Til he's in politics no more.
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Rikiiboy
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Louis van Gaal
Will have his back to the wall
And considered a turd
If they finish lower than third.

Ryan Giggs
Should be looking for digs
'cause if Van Gaal's strong
He won't be there long?
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Rikiiboy
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The wally with the brolly?
Good golly
He's just had a slap
From the juicy Redknapp....
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Rikiiboy
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Nigel Farage?
I'm in charge!
The other three parties?
Were stuffed me hearties!

Nick Clegg?
Rotten egg
Nick how was it?
I've lost my deposit?

Ed Milliband?
It went as planned?
You Kipped while voting was done
And simple? Nigel won!

Dave Cameron?
He'll just stammer on
His European stance?
Now? No chance.
Edited by Rikiiboy, May 26 2014, 07:11 AM.
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Rikiiboy
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Nick Clegg
He has come down a peg
He's no longer bubbling
It's all very troubling.
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tafkaj

Nick Clegg
Will soon have to beg
To remain in post -
I think he's probably toast.
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Rikiiboy
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Blair and Bush
Still hush hush
Chilcot inquiry
Not very fiery....
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rumbaba
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King Juan Carlos of Spain
Is ending his reign
He hopes his abdication
Will be good for the nation
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waiting4atickle
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Juan Carlos Alfonso Víctor María de Borbón y Borbón-Dos Sicilias
Is a Spanish pater familias.
He has been the King of Spain awhiles,
But is now making way for Ashley Giles.

(Ashley Giles, former England off-spinner, was known, perhaps ironically, as 'The King of Spin'. During his benefit year for Warwickshire, promotional mugs were produced which were meant to have that as the legend - but the manufacturers made a mistake...)

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rumbaba
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Nice one Tick <ok>
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Mobson
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<ok> <wink>
Edited by Mobson, Jun 3 2014, 06:57 AM.
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dai Cottomy
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<ok> One for the archives.
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rumbaba
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<tiphat> Yes, Tick a Clerihew classic that I will shamelessly steal and put on facebook, along with a picture of said mug. :)
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tafkaj

Prince Giuseppe Tomasi di Lampedusa
(No relation to John Tusa)
Would turn in his grave
If he could see how visitors to his beautiful island behave.
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waiting4atickle
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Good one, Taf. <ok>

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waiting4atickle
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rumbaba
Jun 3 2014, 12:13 PM
<tiphat> Yes, Tick a Clerihew classic that I will shamelessly steal and put on facebook, along with a picture of said mug. :)

Where did you find the picture, Rum? The only one that came up on google images bears the peculiar legend "Kind of Spain".

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rumbaba
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Er, right enough Tick, that'll teach me to wear my glasses
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tafkaj

waiting4atickle
Jun 3 2014, 04:27 PM

Good one, Taf. <ok>

waiting4atickle
Isn't quite so fickle
As I once thought -
Clearly friendship CAN be bought.
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rumbaba
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Janet Street-Porter
fancies herself as a TV reporter
but I can say with absolute veracity
that I don't fancy her in any capacity
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tafkaj

Janet Street-Porter
Is an electrician's daughter,
Which might explain
Why she causes so much pain.
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dai Cottomy
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Angelina Jolie
Has been made a Dame - Golly!
But it's not about
Her delectable pout.
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Rikiiboy
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Roy Hodgson
Is that a new dodge son?
What's more?
Rooney has four legs,but still couldn't score!
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tafkaj

Angelina Jolie
Is now almost holy:
Poor old Brad
Will think he's been had.
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rumbaba
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Phil Neville
doesn''t need a Breville
he will soon be toast
and his P45 is in the post
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tafkaj

Wazza,
Just like Gazza,
Might burst into tears
If England exit early, as everyone fears.
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rumbaba
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Phil Neville
doesn't make entry level
in the punditry stakes
he is no great shakes
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rumbaba
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The Spanish Team
lived the football dream
but for the 2014 World Cup
it's time to wake up
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Rikiiboy
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Steven Gerrard
Caught off guard
With back head head on
And England are gone....
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Rikiiboy
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Gerrard and co
Off you go
Twenty fourteen
Now a has been...
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tafkaj

Costa Rica
You'd think would be weaker
Than Oxlade-Chamberlain's knee -
Tomorrow we'll see.
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Rikiiboy
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Daniel Sturridge
Doesn't lack courage
But his game wavers
Cus he needs to go to specsavers.
Edited by Rikiiboy, Jun 24 2014, 06:46 PM.
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Rikiiboy
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Giorgio Chiellini
He caused quite a scene he
Had quite a fright
After Suarez vampire bite.
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Rikiiboy
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Poor Brazil
Boy do they feel ill
As seven one whacking
Sends 'em packing!
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waiting4atickle
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Luiz Felipe Scolari:
His team ain't no Ferrari.
Beaten six goals clear
By a German machine that didn't get past third gear.

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rumbaba
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Arjen Robben
was weaving and bobbin'
and the Dutch were thrivin'
on his duckin' and divin'

Arjen Robben
is weepin' and sobbin'
his penalty was cool
but life can be Krul

Arjen Robben
didn't get a lob in
or a decent shot
sorry mate, that's yer lot
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rumbaba
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Tim Krul
acted the fool
which was crudely effective
but, against Argentina,the Dutch penalty strategy was defective
Edited by rumbaba, Jul 14 2014, 12:27 PM.
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rumbaba
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Louis Van Gaal,
now the Dutch are out, shall
think about what he can do
to revitalise Man U
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rumbaba
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Big Phil Scolari
won't last till January
in his present position, which is thought by various
commentators to be quite precarious
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rumbaba
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Robin van Persie
was shown no mercy
by the Argentinians
who put paid to his world cup shenanigans
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rumbaba
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Adrian Chiles
is the worst football pundit by miles
well, apart from Phil Neville
who failed miserably on every level
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rumbaba
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Thierry Henry
exhibits bon homie
but I can't take seriously a felly
that wears a cardigan on the telly
Edited by rumbaba, Jul 10 2014, 12:49 PM.
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rumbaba
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Robert Peston
doesn't sound like he comes from Preston
his strangualted diction
is stranger than fiction
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rumbaba
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Ron Vlaar
isn't a penalty star
but at least he was willing
to go first, unlike his teammates, but the result was less than thrilling
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Rikiiboy
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<star> man rum!

Louis Suarez
I like it he says (sez)
One big bite and WOW!
I'm at Barcelona now!
Edited by Rikiiboy, Jul 11 2014, 07:00 PM.
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rumbaba
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Lionel Messi
I must confess he,
IMO, didn't merit the golden ball
that really was not a good call
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rumbaba
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Alan Hansen
has had his swansong
as a TV pundit
your milionaire lifestyle Alan, now who's going to fund it?
Edited by rumbaba, Jul 14 2014, 08:16 PM.
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Rikiiboy
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William Hague
He 's got the plague
Dave's in the s**t
He 's made to quit?
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Rikiiboy
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David Cameron
Goes for glamour on
Cabinet reshuffle
Causing kerfuffle.
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rumbaba
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Michael Gove
has been given the shove
from education
which is good for the nation
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Rikiiboy
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Liz Truss
Gets on Cameron's bus
As no one old survives
New night of long knives.

Ken Clarke
The fizzled spark
Relegated to the back
Out of the craic.
Edited by Rikiiboy, Jul 15 2014, 08:55 AM.
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Rikiiboy
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Michael Gove
Who many loath
Was defeated of course
By a Trojan horse.

Theresa May
Some say
Can now play
With Gove out the way?
Edited by Rikiiboy, Jul 16 2014, 07:40 AM.
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rumbaba
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Theresa May
looked dishevelled and grey
and when Keith Vaz pushed her, she was slow
to answer 'yes or no'
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Rikiiboy
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David Cameron
Goes for glamour on
His 2015 selection
Of Dave's angels for election.
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rumbaba
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Theresa May
has has had her day
she may scheme and plot
but I think Theresa May, not
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Rikiiboy
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Michael Gove
Was in a fix by Jove
He was stuck in the bog
Filling in the captain's log?
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rumbaba
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Michael Gove
I wish somebody would shove
your head down the pan
you have probably guessed I'm not a fan

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tafkaj

Vladimir Putin
Loves a bit of shootin';
But he doesn't like to admit it
When, the target, he's hit it.
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Rikiiboy
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Ed Milliband?
He does look rather bland
"I do look like Wallace,not a PM in waiting"
No wonder Cameron's already celebrating!
Edited by Rikiiboy, Jul 26 2014, 07:59 AM.
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tafkaj

Ecclestone, Bernie,
With the money he can earn, he
Can pay off the law -
Not an option available to the poor.
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Rikiiboy
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Van Gaal
Learns to snarl
As Swansea loss
Rocks new boss.
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Rikiiboy
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Manchester united
Left unexcited
As two games played
Equals one point paid. (LOL!)
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Rikiiboy
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Salmond v Darling
Once again they end up snarling
Will Scottish law and order
Finally close our border? <steam>
Edited by Rikiiboy, Aug 26 2014, 05:49 AM.
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Rikiiboy
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Louis Van Gaal and Ryan Giggs
No longer the bigwigs
As M K Dons
Stuff four past the useless ones.
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Rikiiboy
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Shaun Wright
Is squirming alright
He knows there's no excuse
For any form of child abuse!

Shaun Wright
Thinks he's up for the fight
But, it was his Labour party connection
That won him his commissioners election!
Edited by Rikiiboy, Aug 28 2014, 08:28 AM.
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rumbaba
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Douglas Carswell
was a tory MP for a spell
but now he has jumped ship
to join UKIP

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Rikiiboy
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Cameron,Clegg and Milliband
Went to Scotland to make a stand
Salmond simply stood and mocked
The three amigos still look shell shocked!
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rumbaba
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Nick Clegg
hasn't a leg
(in the credibility stakes) to stand on
and neither has Milliband or Cameron
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Rikiiboy
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Oscar Pistorious
Is victorious
With murder verdict override
He's only charged with culpable homicide.
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waiting4atickle
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Oscar Leonard Carl Pistorius
Has become exceedingly notorious.
Not for the blades on which he runs,
But the reckless way he uses guns.

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Rikiiboy
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U 2
Who the feck are you?
No longer cool
Gone, with Apple removal tool.
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rumbaba
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<laugh> <ok>
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Rikiiboy
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Shaun wright
Put up a fight
Now that's all past
He's gone at last!
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rumbaba
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Gordon Brown
went to Glasgow Town
and made a speech that was 'barnstorming'
did it work? We'll find out in the morning
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Rikiiboy
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Alex Salmond?
Of him, some are fond
If he wins he has planned
To change from Scots to Salmond's land.
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rumbaba
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Alistair Darling
tried to win by snarling
then Cameron, Miliband and Clegg
changed tack and decided to beg
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Rikiiboy
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Justin Welby
Just may well be
An ordinary sod
Who doesn't believe in god?


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Rikiiboy
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Dennis Waterman
You know you ought to man
Get a makeup fix
When you leave new tricks.
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rumbaba
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I thought I would reprise this old one

Alex Salmond
doesn't look like an almond
but
Nigel Farage does look like some kind of nut
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Rikiiboy
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Louis Van Gaal
Has got some gall
He's up and jumping
With Leicester's five three thumping.
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Rikiiboy
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David Cameron
Didn't enamour "one"
After gossiping that
He had her "purring"like a cat.
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Rikiiboy
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George Clooney
Is over the moon he
Says goodbye to bachelor life
And takes Amal alamuddin as wife.
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Rikiiboy
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Hans Christian Anderson
Your memory panders on
As the tory conference will strive
To keep your fairy tales alive!

http://www.economicshelp.org/blog/334/uk-economy/uk-national-debt/
Edited by Rikiiboy, Nov 23 2014, 12:00 AM.
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Rikiiboy
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Ian Duncan Smith?
Takes the fruit gives us the pith
But you can spend your new benefits card
In the workhouse yard?
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Rikiiboy
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Lord Freud
Had best avoid
The disabled quick
Before he gets attacked with a walking stick!
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Rikiiboy
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Jeremy Clarkson
You're in the dark son
Your heart must be bleeding
After being nicked for speeding!
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Rikiiboy
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Darek Fidyka
Shouted eureka!
With scientists showing
How nasal stem cells got his paralised legs going.
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Rikiiboy
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Ed Milliband
Is tight fisted,we understand
As it makes no sense
To give a beggar just two pence.
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Rikiiboy
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Virgin galactic
Last flight trajic
As desert crash
Ends hope of space bash.


Fiona Woolf
Can't bridge the gulf
As Lord Brittan link
Kicks up a stink.
Edited by Rikiiboy, Oct 31 2014, 10:19 PM.
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Rikiiboy
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Norman Baker
Wanted to get May and shake her
Because he understood
He was a cookoo walking through mud.
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dai Cottomy
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Theresa May
Had her say
The choices she made
Didn't quite make the grade
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Rikiiboy
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Mark Reckless
Not so feckless
In deafeating Dave
With UKip's tidal wave.

Emily Thornberry
Accused of snobbery
Forced to resign
Over England ensign.
Edited by Rikiiboy, Nov 21 2014, 07:09 AM.
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Rikiiboy
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Nigel Farage
He's in charge
Tory lead slip
As punters vote for UKIP.
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Rikiiboy
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Bob Geldof
Should've selled off
That band aid song
Before the pong!
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Rikiiboy
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Lewis Hamilton
2014 champion
Winning as good as it can get
With Nicole kissing his helmet! <devi>;;
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