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A Tale of Two Swords: the Reviews
Topic Started: Jul 13 2008, 08:33 PM (1,002 Views)
jules14
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(Wo)man on a Mission
I must admit, I've gotten a lot less hard on this fic after reading such monstrosities as "Violation of the Evenstar," not to mention the garbage found on Library of Moria.

You can read the story here.
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MackenzieW
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Resident Time Lady
The first time I read this, it took me a few times because I just had to keep going somewhere else. I couldn't take it all at once. But after my curiosity got the better of me and I read "Celebrian," this wasn't so bad afterwards. In fact, it was very humorous--especially your riffs. Excellent job, Jules!

Though I've never made it all the way through your MST of "Violation of the Evenstar." I got sick halfway through.
You are the music while the music lasts--T.S. Eliot

"Stop the damn texting and pick up a book!"--Grandmama, "The Addams Family" (Musical)

"Tomorrow will be better for as long as America keeps alive the ideals of freedom and a better life." —Walt Disney

"I wake in the loneliness of sunrise
When the deep purple heaven turns blue
And start to pray
As I pray each day
That I’ll hear some word from you

I lie in the loneliness of evening
Looking out on a silver-flaked sea
And ask the moon
Oh how soon, how soon
Will my love come home to me"--"Loneliness of Evening," Cinderella


"Thank you, Lord
You have brought us
Safe to shore
Be our strength and protection ever more.
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire"--Heartland, as performed by Celtic Thunder


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jules14
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(Wo)man on a Mission
I agree with you. I realize this fic doesn't follow canon, but at least it rapes canon TASTEFULLY. And there's no gang-rape and humiliation in it.

I should tell you now that "Violation" is not nearly as bad as "Celebrian," though it's a lot LIKE "Celebrian" in many ways. At least Arwen doesn't run away from home to be a sex-slave to the orcs.

Thank you for the review.
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Fishpaste
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Rising Again
Don't give him ideas!
Books contain knowledge. Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Corruption is a crime. Crime never pays. So, if I keep reading, Im gonna go broke!

Proud member of the society for the Protection of Neglected Commas (SPNC)
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Caranthol
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At Journey's End
Ah, I remember enjoying reading this one on lotrfanfiction. Mary A. seriously needs to read "Laws and Customs". "Deeds of lust were seldom", anyone? By the way, did you know that the author have written a sequel to this? I haven't read it, but it seems not to be PWP. After this, though, I doubt anything by the author would be enjoyable.

P.S. Damn lack of sleep! I accidentally posted this first to the actual story thread. Sorry, jules, my bad.
"Ha! Wonnige Glut! Leuchtender Glanz!
Strahlend nun offen steht mir die Straße.
Im Feuer mich baden!"
- Siegfried, Act Three, Scene Two.
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jules14
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(Wo)man on a Mission
That's nothing. Have you read her "Mirkwood Adventures" series? There are three or four stories in it, all over fifty chapters long, all about the author and her beta having kinky sex with Thranduil--without a sign that they're married, by the way. According to Mary A, Thranduil is a horny womanizer who keeps concubines and seduces women of every race. I doubt she has read "Laws and Customs of the Eldar," but if she has, that's even worse.

I think I glanced through the sequel once or twice. It has slightly more of a plot than this one, but not much. Conner basically travels to Lothlorien, has sex with a lot of slutty elf-maids, and--you're going to love this--becomes a border-guard of the realm. I might MST it, but I'm not sure yet.
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Caranthol
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At Journey's End
Fifty chapters of kinky sex? Three times? With Thranduil? I am amazed. I doubt if that version of Thranduil is any better than the usual sadistic-father-Thranduil. The amount of smut in Tolkien fandom is astounding, seeing the nature of Tolkien's work and his world-views.

So Conner is going to be Haldir's colleague? Very believable. Or not. I think I'll read it, just to have some laughs. Maybe it's a bit masochistic, but reading badfics is sometimes very fun. By the way, part of the quality of Mary A.'s writing can be deduced from the way she named her main character. *Start sarcasm* Conner definitely sounds Sindarin, doesn't it?*End sarcasm*
"Ha! Wonnige Glut! Leuchtender Glanz!
Strahlend nun offen steht mir die Straße.
Im Feuer mich baden!"
- Siegfried, Act Three, Scene Two.
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Fishpaste
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Rising Again
A sequel!? How many flames did she get for that story yet she writes a sequel? She is seriously delusional.

It's always quite funny to read the MSTs of these stories, they're so rubbish, it's like shooting fish in a barrel.
Books contain knowledge. Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Corruption is a crime. Crime never pays. So, if I keep reading, Im gonna go broke!

Proud member of the society for the Protection of Neglected Commas (SPNC)
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jules14
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(Wo)man on a Mission
They're almost too easy to spork, aren't they?

When I was asking Mary A for permission to post my MST online, she said that Conner was actually the name of the guy she wrote this fanfic for. Apparently, he requested a fic about himself having sex with elf-ladies, and here's the result. So I guess
Conner can be classified as a self-insert Gary Stu.

The thing is, while Tolkien obviously hated smut, not all of the races in Middle-earth are pure. If these authors have to write porn set in Tolkien's world, they could write plenty about Men or, if they want to be disgusting, about orcs. But no; they have to keep dragging the elves into their disgusting fantasies, just because they think the elves are "lyke totally HAWT!!11"
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~Tio~
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Seer of Visions
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Good work! It's one of the best MST's I read. :) Which was expected. After all, you're the author of the MST for AEL, which is the best one ever!

Great jokes, and I indeed undertand why Morgoth is upset that he didn't have this story with him in battles with elves XD Oh, he would surely win most of them then :)

But, you know... Umm... :unsure:

*builds a barricade to defend herself in case someone gets violent* :ph43r:

if we disregard the awful totally-not-elven behaviour, it's not that bad of a fanfic... To me... :unsure: I even enjoyed it, sort of...

*hides behind the barricade and prepares for death* :ph43r:
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jules14
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(Wo)man on a Mission
Thank you! I agree with you that except for the non-Elven behavior, it wasn't that bad. In fact, it was kind of funny, what with the "sword" euphemism and all. The thing is, though, she could have set it in her own world, instead of Middle-earth, if she wanted to put horny elves in it. But compared to horrors like "Violation of the Evenstar" and "Celebrian," this was great literature.
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Fishpaste
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Rising Again
*snort* Most stories are great litriture compared to those two.
Books contain knowledge. Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Corruption is a crime. Crime never pays. So, if I keep reading, Im gonna go broke!

Proud member of the society for the Protection of Neglected Commas (SPNC)
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Refia
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Paying Tribute to the Past
Except for An Elf's Love, of course, HATI.
[align=center]“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”
[/align]
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Fishpaste
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Rising Again
My mistake, apart from those THREE. Sorry *g*
Books contain knowledge. Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Corruption is a crime. Crime never pays. So, if I keep reading, Im gonna go broke!

Proud member of the society for the Protection of Neglected Commas (SPNC)
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Refia
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Paying Tribute to the Past
No problem mate. ;)
[align=center]“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”
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