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Short and Sweet: the MST
Topic Started: Jul 15 2008, 03:59 PM (550 Views)
jules14
Member Avatar
(Wo)man on a Mission
Disclaimer: Boromir, Morgoth, Uruk-hai, Nazgul, and anything else having to do with Middle-Earth all belong to Tolkien and some belong also to New Line Cinema. Boris the Nazgul belongs to Araiona Dubois; I asked her for permission to use the name and character, but haven’t gotten a message from her. Chesterfield the Uruk-hai and Jules belong to me. “MST3K” belongs to Best Brains Inc. This story used to be on fanfiction.net, but it was deleted; I remember neither the author’s name nor the title.


THEME SONG:

In the not-too-distant future
Next Friday A.D.
There lived a girl named Jules
Not too different from you or me.
She wrote a new fanfic every week,
A very happy and contented geek.
But Morgoth was feeling bored one day,
So he trapped her in the Void, and he sent her far away!


JULES: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

I’ll send her awful fanfics (ooh ooh!)
The worst I can find! (la la la!)
She’ll have to sit and read them all
And I’ll monitor her mind.
Now keep in mind Jules can’t control
When the fanfics begin or end (la la la!)
She’ll have to keep her sanity
With the help of some brand-new friends!


DAILY ROLL CALL!

BOROMIR! (I’M ALIVE!)
BORIS! (SHIRE…BAGGINS!)
CHESTERFIELD! (MANFLESSSSSH!)
JUUUUUUUULES! (FUCK YOU!)

If you’re wondering how they all got there
And other useless facts (la la la!)
Just keep in mind it’s all a joke
You should really just relax—

For Mystery Fanfic Theater 4000!



Jules sat happily watching “The Fellowship of the Ring”. Never mind that ever since reading “The Silmarillion”, she had gotten to be something of a diehard Tolkien geek; she still liked the movies, especially the first. No Morgoth calling, nobody to bother her…how could it get any better than this?

“Hey, Jules, I’m done borrowing your Harry Potter book!”

Oh, damn; she shouldn’t have thought it. With a sigh, Jules grabbed the remote and switched off the TV just as Chesterfield entered the room.

It was too late; Chesterfield had seen her watching something on TV. The same tired argument was about to start again.

“What were you watching?”

“Nothing, nothing!” Jules answered a bit too quickly. “Just set the book down on the coffee table for now; I’ll bring it back to my room later.”

Her efforts to change the subject were useless. Chesterfield wasn’t going away. “You know, sometime I’m gonna FORCE you to show me what you’re watching that the rest of us can’t see.”

“Oh, and just how do you plan to do that?”

“By eating you, of course!” replied the Uruk-hai promptly. “You’re damn lucky I haven’t eaten you by now, you know…”

Jules rolled her eyes and turned to face him. “Okay, number one: you’d be damn ungrateful if you did, after I rescued you long ago from that cave in Iraq. Number two: you said you don’t like to eat grouchy people, because they’re too bitter or sour. And number three: how many times do I have to tell you that this movie is INAPPROPRIATE? It’s for humans only, do you hear me? HUMANS ONLY.”

“Well, yeah, but you never show it to Boromir, and he’s a human.” Chesterfield argued.

“Boromir was DEAD for about six thousand years before Morgoth put him in training for this!” Jules said in exasperation.

“And plus, my life hasn’t been exactly the best, you know,” Chesterfield continued. “It’s bad enough you had to give me this stupid name. It’s bad enough that you never let me catch any human prey when we were back on earth, but…”

“Shut up!” snarled Jules, jumping up from her seat. “You’re STILL not watching the movie! And, thanks to you, I’m not either, because now it’s time for Morgoth’s call!”

That shut Chesterfield up. He followed Jules to the main room, where Boris and Boromir were waiting, both looking a little nervous.

“He hasn’t called yet?” inquired Jules of Boromir.

“No. Perhaps we missed him.” As Boromir spoke, the palantir-like globe lit up and revealed Morgoth, who was laughing with an air of triumph.

"I like to call this story, 'Short and Sweet,'" he announced, before he laughed again. His image faded from the globe.

For a while, there was silence, before Jules gulped and said, “That ain’t good.”

The lights started flashing just then. “We’ve got fanfic sign!” yelled Jules, as she and her companions ran through the six doors into the theater.


There’s a girl in the city of Denver Colorado.

BORIS: Wow! Really?! Everywhere else, there are only boys!

She longs for adventure and fun.

JULES (deadpan): So she decides to go jump off Mount McKinley without a parachute.

She wants to balle evil,

BOROMIR (pause): What?

not with words, but with swords and arrows.

CHESTERFIELD: Oh, it’s all about physical strength, isn’t it? Brains simply don’t matter.

Her name is Morgan.

JULES: The plot thickens!
BORIS: The crowd goes wild!


“I love this book!” exclaimed Morgan.

JULES (as Morgan): Before, I thought “cock” only referred to a rooster!

“What book is that, honey?” asked Morgan’s mom, Sydney.

BORIS: Along with her brother Canberra, her sister Tasmania, and her dog Melbourne.
CHESTERFIELD: Wonder if anyone will recognize the pattern here…


“I bet it’s one of those stupid Lord of the Ring books again,” sneered Morgan’s brother, Cambro.

JULES: Cambot? Canberra?
CHESTERFIELD: Does everybody in this family have stupid names?


“They aren’t stupid! They’re wonderful.

CHESTERFIELD: No, actually, they’re not; how many people do you find named Cambro and Sydney? None? And why do you think that is?
BORIS: Um…I think they’re talking about the books, not the names.
CHESTERFIELD: Oh.


I did some reaserch about elves, dwarves, hobbits, humans, and all the other things in the stories.

JULES: Uh…Ents.
BOROMIR: All the other “things”? You mean the Valar and Maiar and Silmarils and palantiri and Istari and trees and rocks and flowers and towers and…
JULES: Okay, Boromir, we get the point: she was too general in saying “things”.


Of out all of them, I would want to be an elf,” said Morgan.

BOROMIR: “’Cause then I could get all the words out of order I want!”

“Why?” asked Cambro. “Do you like Santa and all his reindeer.”

ALL: Hahaha…funny…right…we get it…

“No way! Elves are as tall as normal people but they live forever.

JULES: WRONG! They’re actually TALLER than normal people.

They’re the wisest thing on Middle Earth,

BORIS: “Wisest thing?”
CHESTERFIELD: Oh, man, what a vocabulary!


that’s where the story takes place,” said Morgan.

JULES: NO DUH.

“Duh,” comented Cambro.

ALL (aghast): Good Lord…

“But my favorite thing about elves is that they never physically age. So you could look 16 but be 1016!

CHESTERFIELD: “This way, I wouldn’t have to pay for plastic surgery!”

Isn’t that cool!” exclaimed Morgan.

ALL: No, not really…nope…

“It’s all right,” mumbled Cambro.

BORIS (as Cambro, muttering): It’s all right…it’s stupid…duh-huh…

“I think that’s great, hon,” said Mom. “Now, if you two don’t hurry, you’re going to miss the but.

JULES: Remember, Cambro, if you don’t guide your cock carefully, you ARE going to miss the butt.
BORIS: Or if you drop your cigarettes.


You don’t want to be late on your last day of school.”

JULES (as Morgan): Oh, right; I don’t want to miss the opportunity to sing, “No more pencils, no more books, no more teachers’ dirty looks!”

Morgan looked at her watch, eyes big.

ALL: ZERO HOUR!!!

“Oh, shoot!” shouted Morgan.

BORIS: Oh, gosh, flip, poo, and darn it!

Cambro and her raced out the door.

JULES: They both slammed right into the screen door and fell backwards onto the floor. Sydney started laughing hysterically.

One day, 1 ½ years ago, Mogan

BOROMIR: Who?!

missed the bus and she had to walk 3 miles uphill to get to school.

CHESTERFIELD: In a snowstorm, barefoot, with no car, no electricity, no coat…damn you kids of today!

After that day Morgan never missed the bus again.

*applause*
JULES: Well, HALLELUJAH!!!
BORIS: Okay, seriously; what in Sauron’s name is this story about?
BOROMIR: Oh, that’s easy! It’s about a girl who reads a book…and never misses the bus…forget it; you’ve got me.


“How was your last day of school?” asked Mom.

BORIS (as Morgan): Well, I missed the song, but I got there just in time for the textbook bonfire!

“It was great! We went hiking on this trail and saw tons of animals!” said Cambro.

JULES: “Britney got torn to pieces by a wolf! It was awesome!”

“What about you, Morgan?” asked Mom.

BORIS (as Morgan): I just TOLD you! Weren’t you listening? Geez, Mom!

“The calss got to go to that huge amusement park,” said Morgan.

CHESTERFIELD: “You know, that huge amusement park; I don’t even know the name of it, since the author hasn’t bothered to do her research on Denver, Colorado!”

“That sounds like so much fun,” said Mom, trying to sound enthoosyastic.

JULES (drama teacher): Okay, kids; remember, be ENTHOOOOO-SY-ASSSTIC!!!

Morgan’s mom hated thrill rides.

BORIS: Okay, everyone, take note of that: MORGAN’S MOM HATES THRILL RIDES. It’s probably going to be an important plot point later.

“it would have been if someone remembered to fill out the field trip permition slip,” Morgan said, trying to hold back tears.

BORIS: “Well, ONE person would have remembered, if only you had…oh, you’re indirectly stating that I forgot to fill it out, of course…”

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry,” appoligized Mom.

CHESTERFIELD: Geez; there’s a word misspelled in every sentence here.

“It’s fine. I’m going up to my room,” said a hurt Morgan. She ran up to her room and started crying for and hour.

JULES (as Morgan): Wah! Nobody loves me; Mom didn’t let me go to the amusement park! Never mind the children starving to death in Africa or the dying soldiers in Iraq; MOM DIDN’T LET ME GO TO THE AMUSEMENT PARK!!!
BOROMIR: Would it be worth praying to Eru that she gets beaten and raped by Uruk-hai in the next sentence?


When Morgan stopped crying, she began reading one of her “Lord of the Rings” books.

BORIS (as Morgan): Let’s see…what does Elrond say about parents who forget to sign their kids’ permission slips to amusement parks?

“If only I could live a life like you.

CHESTERFIELD: “Being chased by Ringwraiths must be just like a giant roller coaster ride!”

No moms who forget field trip permision slips.

JULES (French accent): La permision du jour! Bon appetit!

No pestering borthers.

BOROMIR: All right, it’s either “brothers” or “bothers”; either one could make perfect sense.

No bed times. No homework. Lots of archery and swordfighting. What could be better.

*Silence. Dead silence*
BOROMIR: So…let me get this straight. She would trade in a few inconveniences like a forgetful mother, homework, an early bedtime, and an irritating brother for the wonderful opportunity to be homeless and starving in the wilderness, chased by monsters, and thrown headlong into a war.
CHESTERFIELD: Oh, the impeccable logic and priorities of preteen girls.
*Jules and Boris are still speechless*


I wish I could go to your world,” sighed Morgan.

JULES (Mike Nelson): Oh, wish in one hand and crap in the other, and see which piles up first!

“Your wish is my command, unfortunately.”

ALL: Huh? What the…?

Morgan quickly turned around and there stood a chubby lady with two small wings, and a pink, white, and blue dress.

JULES: Hey, it’s Rosie O’Donnell!
BORIS: With wings, and dressed like a little girl!


“Who are you?” asked a very startled Morgan.
“I’m a fairy godmother, but you can call me Pixie,” said the lady.

JULES: Is this turning into a Disney/Tolkien crossover?
OTHERS: Who’s Tolkien?
JULES: Argh!


“Why are you here?” aked Morgan,

ALL: Ooch, ouch, ohhhhh…

who was beginning to ease up.

JULES (driving instructor): Now, ease up on those brakes…good, good…

“You said you wanted to go to Middle Earth and shoot people with arrows?

BORIS: “Well, tough luck, you stupid little tart; it’s time to face reality!”

Cool! When do we get started,” said a very happy Morgan.

CHESTERFIELD: Oh, wait, it’s Morgan that’s speaking…WAIIIIT a minute…
BOROMIR: Why would the fairy want to go to Middle Earth?
JULES: O-kay…moving on…


“You’re not going to pinch yourself and tell yourself to wake up?” asked Paris.

BORIS: All right, this is not funny anymore; who are all these new characters that keep popping up out of nowhere?
JULES (groan): Oh, great, next we’ll probably have Hilary and Britney and Jessica and Justin showing up.


“No.”
“well, then, let’s get stated. First, your name.

BOROMIR: “You seem to be the only member of your family with a semi-normal name; how on earth did that happen?”

Morgan just isn’t enough.

JULES (groan): Oh, DON’T say that…she’s probably going to give one of those incredibly long Mary Sueish names!

Do you have a new one?” asked Pixie, who was looking at a clipboard that apeared out of thin air.
“I’ll be…Morgan of Mt. Doom.”

*Laughter*
BOROMIR: Now, WHY does that name seem so fitting? Hmmm…
JULES (hopefully): Ashes to ashes…


“Now a name like that need some powers. How about it?”

ALL: ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!

“I’ll have emortal life,

BORIS: Yeah, whatever that is…

always be a kid, breath fire,

JULES: So…she wants to be Gamera. Or Kenny. Or…a cross between the two.
CHESTERFIELD: Ugh…


and I’ll be a good guy, or in this case, good girl.”

BORIS (frustrated): Yeesh, why can’t we ever read about somebody on Sauron’s side?!
JULES: Well, there ARE Sauron Sues…
BORIS (quickly): I was just kidding!


“Right. Who will you fall in love with?”

JULES: Hey, let’s make a bet on this! I bet it’s Legolas!
CHESTERFIELD: Ditto.
BORIS: Ditto.
BOROMIR: Ditto.


“No thanks.”

JULES: Ha! I was…huh?!

“You have to. Plus if I seal this deal, I get bumped up to Tooth Fairy.

CHESTERFIELD: “The current Tooth Fairy was fired for being found in a compromising position with Santa Claus.”
JULES (scowl): Oh, horrible images…thanks, Chesterfield.


So, it says you like elves. I can give you Legolas or Elrond.”

BOROMIR: But what about Haldir, or Elladan, or Elrohir, or Fingolfin, or Maedhros, or…
JULES (snort): Oh, yeah, right; like the author even knows who the last two are.


“Huh?”
“Or if you want a dwarf, I can give you Gimli.”

BORIS: Oh, Sauron, not another “Gimli/You” fic!
CHESTERFIELD: Calm down; this story’s rated PG-13…isn’t it?


“What?”
“Just pick one!” Pixie was getting frustrated.

JULES: Uh, oh…
BORIS: Yeah; don’t mess with Rosie O’Donnell when she’s frustrated.
CHESTERFIELD: She might…insult you on TV or something…(mock shiver)


“I doesn’t mean anything. You don

CHESTERFIELD: Okay, the whole second half of the sentence has mysteriously disappeared. Great.

“How come?”

BOROMIR: “Well, damn, I don’t know; the last half of the bloody sentence is gone! You tell me!”

“It’s the same in the “Black Stallion” series, “Harry Potter” series, and the “Goosebumps” series. You have to fall in love with someone.”

JULES: Hey, “Black Stallion” and “Goosebumps”; those were on my third-grade reading list!
BOROMIR: How old is the author supposed to be? For that matter, how old is the Mary Sue supposed to be?


“Fine. Fine. I’ll choose….Legolas.”

JULES: Oh, shit; I would have won the bet if you guys hadn’t guessed the same as me!
*Much grumbling*


“Good. Now, spin around and say your name 6 times.”

BORIS: I have just one word: WHY?

“Okay. Whatevery

CHESTERFIELD (singsong): What-EVVERRRRRYYYYY!!!

organ of Mt. Doom. Morgan of…” Morgan was cut short by Pixie.

JULES (as Pixie): Look, I was joking; I didn’t think you’d actually DO it…

“Sorry. Close your eyes, too.”

BOROMIR (Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka): Make a wish…count to three…
JULES & BORIS (singing): Come with meeeeeeee, and you’ll beeeeeee…in a wooooorrrrllldd of pure imagin-ation…


“Fine. Morgan of Mt. Doom. Morgan of Mt. Doom. Morgan of Mt. Doom. Morgan of Mount Doom. Morgan of Mount Doom. Morgan of Mount Doom!”

*Pause*
CHESTERFIELD: She…actually typed it out.
JULES: Wow, that is sad.
BOROMIR: Dear Iluvatar.
BORIS: Yep.


When Morgan was done, she opened her eyes and found she was in a forest.

CHESTERFIELD (groan): Again?! What’s the matter? Too good to land in the Dead Marshes?

Morgan turned around and saw 10 beautiful horses.

JULES (singing): All the pretty little horses…

3 brown ones she named Larry, Mo, and Currly.

BORIS: “Currly”? Isn’t that a song by Christina Aguilera?
JULES: That’s “Dirrrty”, Boris.


Morgan’s a big “3 Studges” fan.

CHESTERFIELD: Pretty shocking; from the names, I would have guessed she was a “Three Stooges” fan.
JULES: What ARE the “3 Studges” anyway?


A dark orange one she named Sunset. A black one Morgan named Lizard,

BOROMIR: Why? Just…why?
JULES: I think we’ll be asking that question a lot throughout this thing.


and 5 white ones she named

BORIS: Good Sauron! Is it THAT hard to type out the words for “three” and “five”?

Onion, Cyber, Mary Poppins, Silver, and White Wing. Morgan decided to ride Lizard.

CHESTERFIELD: And the crowd went wild.

Then, Morgan hear people talking. She guessed 100 feet away.

JULES (kid’s book): See Morgan. See Morgan hear people talking. See people. See people 100 feet away. See…
BOROMIR: All right, that’s enough.


“That sounds like a dwarf. I bet it’s Gimle,” wispered Morgan.

BORIS: Little do people know that Gimli had a twin brother whose name was Gimle!

“Look here. Hobbit tracks!” said another voice.

CHESTERFIELD: “And hobbit scat!”

“Tracks. Ranger. Aragorn,” Morgan figured out.

JULES (as Morgan): Tracks…Ranger…Aragorn…computing…wait for it…
CHESTERFIELD: I think I can actually see her brain straining to grasp these facts.


“Shh. I see something moving. Over there,” said a third voice.

JULES: “I hate commas. And semicolons. And talking in long sentences.”

“Seeing. Elf. Legolas. The group of Gimli, Aragorn, and Legolas. Of course!” said Morgan.

BORIS: “Two plus two really DOES equal four!”
JULES: “I’m really doing it; I am ACTUALLY DOING SCIENCE!”


But she relized she had been too loud because after Morgan was done talked,

JULES (Southern accent): I done talked to y’all, sugar.

she heard the sound of an arrow being lowded in a bow.

BORIS: Oh, man, how illiterate can you get?
CHESTERFIELD: You “lowd” a gun; you don’t “lowd” a bow.


“Rise beast!” yelled Gimli.

*Laughter and clapping*
JULES: “Mary Sue” equals “beasts”…that’s great.


Morgan slowly stood up.

BOROMIR (as Morgan): Ouch…arthritis.

“What is your name? Do you work for Sauraman?” ask Gimli.

CHESTERFIELD: Hey, it’s a hybrid cross between Sauron and Saruman!

“My name is Morgan. Morgan of Mt. Doom and I do not work for Sauraman,” said Morgan confedently.

JULES (Princeton): “He fired me for being too depressing on the phone.”

“Please, forgive me Morgan of Mt. Doom. I did not know it was you.” Said Gimli, quite taken aback.

*All are quite taken aback*

“That’s okay. Do you want to use my horses?”

BORIS: “I have a part-time job as a horse-walker!”

“That you. We’d enjoy that very much,” said Aragorn.

“Whatever. Aragorn, you can have Onion. Gimli, you’ll ride Mo. He’s my smallest horse. Legolas, you ride White Wing.

JULES: Hey…who died and made her queen?!
BOROMIR: “Why should we follow your orders, you foul dwimmerlaik?”


If we hurry, we might be able to catch up with Pippin and Merry,” Morgan was quite enjoying being the leader for once.

BOROMIR: And in doing so, wreaking more havoc on Middle-Earth than Sauron EVER could!

One everyone got on their horses, Morgan remembered a small little detail.

CHESTERFIELD: She wasn’t supposed to be here!
JULES: They weren’t supposed to catch up with Pippin and Merry!


She didn’t know how to ride a horse!

*Laughter and applause*
BOROMIR: Oh, that’s rich; it’s a Mary Sue that suddenly got trapped by the power of logic!
BORIS: This is the part where she falls off and breaks her neck.


It’s fine. I won’t let you fall,” said a voice in Morgan’s head.

JULES: Well, if she’s hearing voices in her head, she’s probably fallen already…

“Who is it?” Morgan asked.

BOROMIR: Your conscience.
CHESTERFIELD: Your second personality.


It’s Lizard. Now hop on. You won’t fall,” replied Lizard.

BORIS: Of course, I didn’t say anything about not throwing you…(cough)

I didn’t know I could talk to animals psycically.

JULES: Um…you’re not, smart one; you’re communicating telepathically…you know, WITH YOUR THOUGHTS.
CHESTERFIELD: No, I’m pretty sure that’s supposed to be “psychically,” not “physically.”
JULES: Whatever; it’s still unreadable.


That wasn’t one of my powers. Cool!” said Morgan.

BOROMIR: Hot!
BORIS: Room-temperature!


Call it a freebee,” said Lizard.

CHESTERFIELD: Oh, great; time for some freebee golf.

When Morgan got on Lizard, she asked the Trio if they knew where the bad creatures were headed.

BORIS: Oh, the “Trio”?
CHESTERFIELD: Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli ARE the three tenors!


Don’t worry. We know the way,” said Liard in Morgan’s head.

JULES (as Morgan): I didn’t ASK you, “Liard”. Shut up.

“They smell so bad that it’s easy for us to track them.

BOROMIR (sigh): If it was THAT easy, they would have caught Merry and Pippin days ago.
CHESTERFIELD: Hmmm…they probably all had colds.


As for fighting, you can breath fire, remember.”

JULES: So why hasn’t she burned her surroundings to a crisp by now?

“Right,” then to everyone, she said, “let’s move it!”

BORIS (as Aragorn): Say “please”.
CHESTERFIELD (as Gimli): Not so fast; we stopped for a ten-minute bathroom break.


“Move what?” asked Aragorn.

JULES: “Your fat ass; you’re right in my damn light.”

“Never mind,” replied Morgan. “Now, the way we’re going, it will take us 2 days to get to that tree 20 ft. over there.”

BOROMIR: And on horseback? My Eru, that is pathetic.
CHESTERFIELD: I think she was just stating indirectly that they were moving too slow.
BOROMIR: Oh.


When the group finally got started,

BORIS: After a nap and a few rounds of poker…

Aragorn insisted that they go at a walk so they could look for tracks,

JULES: Hmmm, catching a train WOULD be a better idea than tracking orcs on horseback…if there were trains in Middle-Earth.

but Morgan told him the horses could smell the beasts and if they go fast they could cat up with them.

CHESTERFIELD (as Aragorn): Yes, THANK YOU, random preteen girl; of course YOU would know better than ME…
BOROMIR: Bitterly sarcastic Aragorn, ladies and gentlemen.


Morgan led the way, which she enjoyed entirely.

JULES (sniff): Bossy, imperious little bitch.

Although, Morgan didn’t enjoy going so fast on a horse but she trusted Lizard.

BORIS (snicker): Famous last words…
BOROMIR: Suddenly, Lizard decided to betray her trust.


All of a sudden, Lizard stopped.

CHESTERFIELD: And, for some strange reason, lifted her tail.

“What is it?” asked Morgan without relizing she’d said that aloud.

JULES: I’ve gotta go, you tactless little snot! Geez; do you have to broadcast it to everyone?!

“Something in the air,” replied Lizard.

BORIS (as Morgan): Oh, yeah, it REALLY stinks…and it’s coming from you, Lizard!

“Legolas, can you see anything?”

BOROMIR (as Legolas): No, I’ve been riding with a blindfold on for the last two hours. Good Eru, do you have to ask such stupid questions?

Morgan knew that since Legolas is an elf, he has great vision. Better than humans, hobbits, and dwarves.

JULES: Well, unless those humans, hobbits, and dwarves wear thick glasses.

“They are about a leage away.

ALL (Sir Bedevere): MY LIEGE!

It will take us a day and a night to catch up to them.

BORIS: Yeah, ‘cause Legolas is an expert mathematician too…
JULES (as Legolas, nerd voice): So if we take the square root of sixty-three and divide it by the cosine of pi…


I don’t think to horses can do it,” said Legolas.

CHESTERFIELD: “But THREE or FIFTY horses might do it.”
BOROMIR: I don’t think that’s what the author meant; she used the wrong “two”.


Don’t worry. Us horses, we can o it,” said Lizard.

BORIS: Yeah? Well, I can a it!
CHESTERFIELD: I can m it!
BOROMIR: I can z it!
JULES (announcer): “Sesame Street” was brought to you today by the letter…


“The horses can make it,” said Morgan, and they galloped on.

BOROMIR: And…wait. This is the end?!
CHESTERFIELD: Well, Morgoth was right in saying that it was short.
JULES: O-kay…seriously; what the HELL was this thing supposed to be about?
BORIS: Got me.
*all exit the theater*



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