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Yesel's Tale Aka Sue Alert; Another Sue and a Stu turn up
Topic Started: Aug 26 2008, 10:30 PM (475 Views)
Siany-T
Member Avatar
King of Nothing
Title: Yesel’s Tale Aka Sue Alert!
Author: Siany-T
Genre: MST/Humor/Romance
Rating: T
Text Based On: ‘Yesel’s Tale’ by Larnia
Characters: The Team+1, Jadis, Legolas, Gary-Stu and his daughter Yesel the Trestle Table, Aragorn, Thranduil
Summary: A couple of strange people from a place of D’n’D land come to Mirkwood, oh and guess what Legolas falls in love with the female.
Warnings: OOCness, that’s it I think

Thanks Aria for BETA-ing

Sian stumbled out of her room, straightening her top, and into the living area to see that Susan and Naboo looked equally dishevelled. She glared at Jack, who still looked perfectly fine.

“Don’t you ever sleep?” She muttered angrily, as she took a seat next to him on the sofa.

Jack laughed but before he could answer, or change the subject, the TV screen flared to life and a rather angry Jadis appeared on the screen.

“I have discovered that one of you had a way of escaping the horror of the stories. This will stop, immediately. As I was very angry I have decided to bring in another MSTer. You should all be thankful I am merciful or else I would have given you An Elf’s Love,” Sian let out a small ‘eep.’ “As it is, I am merciful so you will be getting a Sue called 'Yesel's Tale'. Your new MSTer is in the theatre already. Goodbye.”

The screen cut out as the alarm went off. They all ran towards the theatre doors as Sian yelled ‘we got a badfic sign’. When they got inside they saw a tall man standing there, his ears were pointed and when he turned round they saw that his skin tone was slightly green and his eyebrows where more slanted than human ones.

“Mr Spock, welcome to the world of MSTing. You’ll understand eventually, I’m sure.” Sian smiled at him. As they all sat down, “Oh and I’m Sian, that’s Jack, Susan and Naboo.” The screen came on.

Disclaimer: I do not personally own anything of Middle Earth. That includes Mirkwood, Lothlorien, Rivendell, Legolas, Thranduil, Aragorn, Elrond, Elladan, Elrohir, Arwen, Galadriel, or Gandalf.
Sian: Yes, they are part of Middle-Earth so they were included in ‘anything of Middle-earth.’

They are all the property of JRR Tolkien. Likewise I do not own Evermeet. I have borrowed that name from Dungeons And Dragons.
Sian: Oh, please no. She didn’t just say that she was using D’n’D places in Middle-earth?
Jack: She did.
Sian: Oh, it’s bad.


All other names are my creation.

CHAPTER 1 Legolas and Yesel Meet Aka Watch out, there’s a Sue about.
Susan: Why does the name Yesel fill me with dread?
Sian: She’s a Sue. Also it sounds like trestle and trestle tables are bad news.


About 50 years before the adventures of the one ring,
Susan: Capitalize ‘One Ring’.

the elves of Mirkwood were having their yearly competition in honor of their king, Thranduil.
Sian: Just in case you didn’t know.

It was to be an archery contest, and each contestant was secretly hoping that this would be the year that one of them would beat the king’s son Legolas who was the best archer in all of Middle Earth.
Sian: Oh come on. He is a better than average archer, yes. But I wouldn’t say he was the best. I mean what about Haldir?
Jack (Larnia): Cus, like, hes, like, soo not hawt.


One by one the elves took their turns, until finally the only elf remaining was Legolas. He was about to take his shot when a female voice called out, “Is this competition only for the elves of Mirkwood, or may a visitor try her luck?”
Spock: It seems logical to assume that it would be only for elves of Mirkwood, as they are doing it to honor their king.

Legolas wheeled around and beheld a female elf dressed in blue traveling clothes. Her eyes were hazel, and her long brown hair was worn in a plait down her back.
Naboo: Wait. Was that a normal description of a Sue? Without fancy words?
Sian: Appears to be.


She had a sword at her side and carried her bow in her hand. On her back was a quiver of arrows.
Sian: You know, she wouldn’t have actually been carrying weapons. The only female who ever went to war and who ever fought was Eowyn. And she had to do it dressed as a man.
Jack: I spy the sign of a Sue.


She traveled with a male who was dressed in brown traveling garb. He did not appear to be wearing any weapons;
Sian: Whereas a male would have, very likely, had weapons. Also travelling through Mirkwood, undefended, was not a good idea.

instead there was a pack on his back that was filled with books and scrolls. He was smiling indulgently at the girl.
Susan: Wondering whether he can get her to be quiet and stop embarrassing him.

“What about it Legolas,” Thamiel called out. “Should we let her try?” All the other elves smiled.
Sian: They are thinking that she’ll mess up and make them look better.

Legolas smiled and bowed to the girl. She smiled back and dropped him a small curtsy. “Would you care to shoot first Lady,” he asked her. “After you.”
Jack: Sign of the Sue. Letting others go first so her victory seems more impressive.

He smiled at her again, then turned around and readied his shot. There was a general sigh of disappointment and resignation as Legolas once again out shot the other contestants.
Spock: But it is logical to assume that he would, if that is what he normally does.
Sian: You might want to give up on logic, Sue’s don’t use it.


With a smile and wave he turned back to the strange elves. “If you’d still like to shoot, please be my guest.”
Sian (singing): Be our guest, be our guest. Put our service to the test.
Naboo: I thought we told you not to sing.


She turned towards her companion. “By your leave Father.” He nodded. She then turned and bowed to the king. “With your permission King Thranduil.” “Of course Lady.”
Susan: Why doesn’t she just shoot, she has already had permission to shoot. Or is she going to ask everyone if they don’t mind her shooting?

She stepped up and readied her shot. There were absolutely no sounds, as everyone watched with anticipation. There was a loud twang followed a second later by a thwap as the arrow found its mark.
Sian: You know, we might be able to understand this better if you explained what they were shooting at, how Legolas has shown he was the best, how ‘Yesel’ had beaten him ect.

The elves all stared in disbelief. She had done it. The stranger had beaten Legolas. All eyes turned to see how he would handle his defeat.
Jack: If he’s any sort of a gentleman he will accept it gracefully, if he’s like Owen, he’ll have a hissy fit.
Sian: Owen has hissy fits?
Jack: All the time.


He was smiling broadly as he walked towards her. “I have indeed been beaten by a superior archer. Congratulations my Lady. Come; let me present you to my father.”
Jack: There you go, he’s a gentleman.

As the three of them walked to the room from which the king was watching, the other elves disbanded and went back to their everyday tasks.
Susan: So the whole thing of honoring the king is an archery contest and there isn’t even a small ceremony for the winner? Sounds like a very boring event.

Legolas said to the man, “You have a very skilled daughter sir, and I must admit I have never been beaten by one so beautiful.”
Sian: Creep.

“You are most gracious in defeat Prince Legolas,” said the girl, blushing. “You have me at a disadvantage. You know my name. Will you not tell me yours?”
Sian (Rudi Van DiSarzio) : Some call me Billy-Bob, other call me Cillit Bang. Some call me Ropity-Chopity. But you may call me Sue.

Just as she was about to speak they arrived to where the king was waiting.
Jack: Elvis is in the building.

Legolas bowed to his father and said, “Father, I present to you the archer who has bested me, and her father. I have not yet learned their names.” The king smiled as he said
Susan (Thranduil): Son, she is a Sue. You must remove her at once.

“There is no need for introductions my son, for I know these two,
Sian (Thranduil): They are Mary-Sue and Gary-Stu, she turns up a lot. We have to give you things to make you forget her, that’s why you do not know them.

although the last time I saw the girl she was a babe. This is Largolas and his daughter Yesel.”
Naboo: The trestle table.

Legolas gave a small start at hearing a name so close to his own. The king noticed and told him, “Part of your name was given in honor of my old friend.”
Sian: No. It. Wasn’t. Legolas’s name is from Sindarin words laeg, green; and golas, a collection of leaves. Hence why Legolas is sometimes called ‘The Greenleaf’. Thrnaduil probably called him that to honour the wood elves he ruled and also his wife who was likely to have been a wood elf[./B]

To Largolas he said “What brings you so far from Evermeet my friend?”
Jack (Largolas): It’s time for my daughter to become a Sue.

“Research, “said Largolas. “I have recently come into possession of some spells that I have no knowledge of.
Sian: Oh look, he’s a wizard. Now I’m confused.

We stopped first in Rivendell and I conferred with Elrond, and then journeyed here.
Jack (Largolas): Elrond told me I had to get Yesel the Sue away from his sons before they get the Stupid.

We would have been here sooner but we were attacked by Orcs soon after we left Rivendell. If Yesel had not been with me, I would not be here before you now.”
Spock: This story is highly illogical. I am not sure I have read a line of this that makes any sort of logical sense.

He was interrupted by a chuckle from Yesel. “Now Father, tell it like it is. You let me take out a few of them before you drove them off with blinding light.”
Jack: I see another sign of the Sue.
Sian: Which is?
Jack: Modesty.


The other three laughed. Thranduil said, “You picked a good time to arrive. Tonight we’re having a celebration feast,
Sian (Thranduil): We shall be eating Sue, you will be our main course.
*Jack shudders*
Jack: Don’t, memories of those cannibals are still there. I nearly lost the team then.
Sian: Sue’s aren’t proper people, it’s ok.


and now we have more to celebrate. We have old friends who can tell us new stories,
Susan (Yesel): So, like, there was a, like, really scary spider and it, like, messed my hair up. It was, like, totally eww.

plus we have a new archery champion. You are a skilled archer Yesel.” “Thank you King Thranduil,”
Jack: There’s that modesty again.

she said. “There will be time for talk later. Legolas please show our guests to rooms where they may relax and refresh themselves. I will see you both at the feast tonight.”
Sian (Thranduil): When we will give you your special meals, laced with poison!

The three bowed to him as he left.
Sian: And now we can leave. Run!
*Everyone leaves*


Reveiw here
Merlin: Thank you.
Arthur: For what? For lying to my father to save your worthless hide? If you ever put me in that situation again, Merlin, I will clap you irons myself.
Merlin, Series 2


David: Oh and John. My TARDIS... mine. Say sorry.
John: Sorry.
Tonight's the Night: Doctor Who Special


Team Demyx - 'cause that is how I roll!
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Siany-T
Member Avatar
King of Nothing
Thanks to Aria! Oh how much I need her BETA-ing skills.
___________________________________________________

CHAPTER 2 Tour of Mirkwood Aka Sue's can turn even a lispy shaman into a murder fixated maniac.

The team entered the theatre.

Sian: Chapter two, Tour of Mirkwood.
Jack: Oh-oh


“If you would follow me please” said Legolas as he led them down a hall.
Sian: To their death.

As they were walking Legolas asked, “Where is Evermeet? I’ve never heard of it.”
Jack: That’s ‘cause it’s from a different fandom.

“It’s very far away. It took the better part of a year just to reach Rivendell,” Yesel replied. “And are all Evermeet elves
Sian: So they are elves? Then I’m confused. Why is Gary-Stu a wizard then?

as skilled as you in archery,” he queried. “No, there are many that are superior to me.”
Sian: Hey Jack, is that a Sue sign?
Jack: Yep, it’s that good old modesty.


“Don’t let her modesty fool you Legolas.
Jack: Told you.

In Evermeet she is as unrivaled as you are here in Mirkwood.” “Father, you are too biased to say such things,” Yesel said blushing.
Jack: Modesty.
Sian: A different person is speaking. There should be a new paragraph.


With that, they arrived at their rooms. “Yesel, would you like a tour of Mirkwood?”
Naboo (Legolas): I can take you into the woods, where no-one will hear you scream.

“Sure Legolas, that sounds fun.” “I’ll be by in about an hour.”
Sian: New. Paragraph.

He turned and left. Yesel watched his retreat back down the hall. Her gaze was broken when she heard her father laugh. “Do you fancy Legolas my daughter? He seems taken by you.”
Jack (Largolas): As was the plan, you are becoming a Sue my dear.

“Father quit your teasing. He was only being polite to strangers in his land.”
Sian: Ye, ‘cause the fact that Stu-y Boy there was an old friend of Thranduil’s means he is a stranger to the land.

“Perhaps, but I noticed the young prince did not extend his invitation to me, just to you.”
Susan: Maybe because you’d been there before?

Yesel blushed once again. Largolas chuckled at his daughter’s discomfort.
Spock: If he is her father, surely he should have been informing her of his views on her choice of suitor. It would seem only logical.
Sian: One: I mean it, give up on the logic. Two: Sometimes parents do tease their children when their children have crushes, at least human ones do. Vulcans don’t actually get crushes do they?
*Spock raises his left eyebrow*


“Yesel, I haven’t seen you blush this much since Eosred kissed you in front of everyone at the summer festival last year.”
Sian: So she has a love interest already? Or was he just eager? Or where they playing Spin-The-Bottle?

Yesel smiled at her father’s teasing. “Have fun on your tour daughter,” he said as he kissed her on the forehead. “I’ll see you this evening. Come to my room when you are ready to go to the feast, and I will escort you to the hall.” He went into his room. Yesel went into hers to freshen up a bit.
Jack: Gotta look good before you die.

An hour later, she heard a knock on her door. She opened it to find a smiling Legolas. “Are you ready for your tour,” he asked her.
Naboo (Legolas): On which I shall kill you.

“Yes. Let the fun commence,” she replied. She grabbed her bow and tied her sword around her waist.
Sian: She obviously doesn’t trust Legolas.
Jack: She’s right not to, if I were him I’d kill her before I caught the Stupid.


As they were walking down the hall Legolas asked her, “are you as good with that sword as you are with your bow?”
Jack: as she is a Sue, yes and guess what. She’s probably better than Aragorn.
Sian: You know other Lord of the Rings characters?
Jack: Hey I’ve been around a long time, of course I’ve read Lord of the Rings.


“I’d rather use the bow, but the sword is useful.”
Susan: Yes, in close combat the sword would be useful. Considering in close combat it’s hard to shoot your opponent.

“Where did you get it? I’ve never seen one that looks like that before.”
Jack: Oh look, it’s another sign of the Sue. Unusual weapon, probably with a back-story to match.

It was my teacher Geland’s. He bequeathed it to me when he fell in battle.”
*Jack has a smug smile*
Jack: Told you.


“Is he the one who taught you your archery skills?” “No. He believed in actual hand to hand combat. He did not appreciate the delicacy and finesse needed to be an archer.”
Sian (Yesel): it was some other poor soul who had to teach me archery.

They had left the palace and were crossing the courtyard. “Would you like to see the waterfall,” he asked her.
Naboo (Legolas): It’s a great place for your screams not to be heard.
Sian: You’re getting a little scary in your desire to kill this Sue.


“Yes. I would.”
He led her into the forest. “I am greatly impressed with your archery skills Yesel. How did you come to be an archer?”
Susan (Yesel): Well my father, Gary-Stu, decided I had to become a Sue so the first thing he did was get me super trained in weaponry.

“Well, I was never one for sitting still. I never had the patience to become a scholar, and while I love and respect my father, I never wanted to learn magic. When I was young my father gave me a bow. That was the beginning. I learned from some of the greatest fighters in Evermeet.
All (minus Spock): Of course she did!

Luckily I did have some skill, although at first my teacher Silivan thought that I would never become adept at it.
Naboo (Yesel): But I soon showed him.

I’m afraid I had more fun playing tricks on him than I did in learning. At first that is,” she laughed.
Jack: Another sign of the Sue!

“What happened to change that?” “One day he told my father about some prank I had played. That night my father had a talk with me. He told me that he had expected better from me, and that maybe he had been mistaken in taking me on his journeys. That was all I needed to hear, because I loved traveling with him. The next day I went to Silivan and the rest of my teachers and apologized for my actions. I told them I wanted to take their instructions seriously from now on. I did and actually became a skilled warrior. Although I never lost my penchant for tricks,”
Sian: I think we are lucky Elladan and Elrohir aren’t in this, they’d become Fred and George Weasly.

she said as she grinned mischievously. He returned her grin with one of his own. “I’ve been known to pull a few pranks of my own,” he told her.
Sian: No, seems we don’t need Elladan and Elrohir, Legolas has turned into Fred-George.

He stopped. She looked at him. “Close you eyes and give me your hands” “Why?”
Naboo (Legolas): So I can throw you off this handy cliff.
Sian: Seriously, its quiet scary how much you want to kill her.


“Just do it, please” “Alright” She closed her eyes and held out her hands. He grasped them in his and
Naboo: Threw her off a cliff?
Sian: You need counselling, seriously one chapter of a Sue behind you, one that want to sleep with you mind, and you want to kill them all.
Naboo: Is that so wrong?
Sian: Your addiction is yes.


led her a few paces. He let go of her hands and went behind he. He put his hands on her shoulders and
*Sian puts a hand across Naboo’s mouth*
Sian: NO!


turned her a bit. “Now open your eyes,” he instructed her. She did and gasped. In front of her was a waterfall.
Sian: There’s a waterfall in Mirkwood? Wait a moment.
*Screen freezes and changes to Google. Sian taps a few keys studies a map of Mirkwood before nodding slightly*
Sian: Well, there might have been a waterfall there but not close enough to the King’s Hall for them to be without being killed by spiders. Hmm maybe they went too far and spiders will kill them and canon can return.


It was about 15 feet from the top to where it landed in a pool. Sunlight broke through the trees and danced over the water which was a beautiful blue green color. The pool was surrounded by the greenest, softest looking moss that she had ever seen.
Jack: Sounds romantic. This doesn’t bode well for Legolas.

There were several large rocks the jutted out into the pool. Clustered at one end were several bushes filled with pale pink roses.
Jack: Really not boding well for Legolas.

The whole place gave off an air of peaceful serenity. “It’s beautiful Legolas,” she said turning to face him. He smiled at her delight. “This is my most favorite spot in all of Mirkwood. I enjoy coming here to think and relax.”
Naboo: Like thinking how to kill …
*Sian hits him round the back of the head*


“I can see why. I wish I had my harp with me. This would be a great place to be inspired.”
Jack: SIGN OF THE SUE!
Susan: Did you have to yell?


“You play the harp?”
Naboo: Bet she does.

“A little. My mother taught me. When Gresson and I were children we’d sit for hours at a time and listen to her play.
Sian: Please don’t say she sings, please don’t say she sings.

That was the only thing in the world that could get me to sit still for more than 5 minutes.”
Naboo: Hitting her with a mallet would make her sit still.

“Who’s Gresson?” “My younger brother.
*Sian looks at Jack worriedly, hoping it doesn’t remind him too much of Grey*
Jack: Gresson? What kind of name is that? Certainly doesn’t sound very elfin.


Do you have any siblings?”
Sian (Legolas): No, and all the Sue’s round here turn up just to fall in love with me. It’s Elladan and Elrohir who keeping getting new sisters.
Jack (Larnia): Elladan and Elrohir? Who are they? Why would they be mentioned in my story, they aren’t sexy enough?


“No. I’m an only child. Do you have any more siblings?”
Susan: Do you have any interesting dialogue?

“No. It’s just Gresson and me. My parents used to say that they couldn’t handle any more children.
Naboo (Yesel): My parents couldn’t handle any more Sues and Stus.
We didn’t make life easy for them.
Sian (Legolas): That’s because you are a Sue, you don’t make life easy for anyone.


“Is your brother as good as you with a bow?”
Jack (Yesel): No ‘cause I’m the bestest ever!

“No. Gresson’s talents lie elsewhere. He’s a scholar. When we left, he’d just become involved with the master library.
Sian: And what’s the betting that none of this is important?

Is the pool deep enough for swimming?”
Naboo (Legolas): It’s deep enough to drown you in.

“I think so. I’ve never gone in before”
Sian (Legolas): But you can try it, there might be something in there that will eat you.
*Sian smirks at Naboo*


“Well, there’s a first time for everything,” she said as she took off her sword and laid her bow on the ground and dived in.
Jack: Well at least she kept her clothes on.

She swam around for a bit. “Come on in Legolas. The water is fine.”
All: DON’T DO IT!
Sian: Eep, my ears, don’t yell like that. Wait Spock you yelled too.
Spock: It seemed the logical thing to do.


“I don’t think so.” “I understand if you’re scared,” she teased him.
Sian + Jack: Ooh a challenge *laugh.*

“I’m not scared. I just don’t wish to go swimming right now.”
Naboo (Legolas): Especially not with a Sue around.

“Alright, I’ll get out then.”
Naboo: No stay in and drown, please.
Sian: You are seriously going to a therapist after this chapter.


She started to swim over to the shore when she suddenly went under the water.
*All cheer*
Sian: Spock? Spock, are you alright?
Spock: I can’t see the logic in this, unless that girl is dead.


She came back up sputtering. “Help me Legolas. Something has a hold of my leg.”
Sian: No Legolas leave her, let her drown!
Naboo: And I need to see a therapist?
Sian: Yes, you’re worse. Much worse.


She went back under. Legolas dropped his bow on the ground and dived in.
All: No!

He swam over to the last place he had seen her and ducked under the water. He couldn’t see her. He came back up and was going to dive back down when he heard laughter.
Jack (random elf maiden): That Legolas sure is funny, trying to save a Sue.
Sian (whinny elf maiden): I wish he’d try to save me some time.


He turned towards it and saw her standing on the shore. She had her hands on her hips and was laughing at him.
Susan (Yesel): Silly Legolas, I’m a Sue. I can’t drown. I have to die in some noble and heroic way.

“How’d you get there? I thought you were drowning.”
Naboo (Legolas): I was hoping you were drowning.

“I swam under you before you dived under the first time.” “How could you do that to me?”
Sian: ‘Cause she’s evil and she’s turned you into a whinny kid!

“It got you in the water didn’t it,” she said smugly.
Jack (Yesel): But you were supposed to take your top off.

He laughed. “Will you help me out?” “Sure.”
Naboo: Drown her now, drown her now.
Sian: That’s why you need a therapist.


She walked over and gave him her hand. He pulled her back into the water. She came up laughing.
Naboo: Damn.

She swam over to the shore and climbed out again. “Shall we go on my lady?”
Susan: Can we go?
Sian: No this chapter’s no where near finished yet, unfortunately.


“Ok.”
They left the waterfall and climbed the bank beside it. About 150 feet from the top of the waterfall they came upon a bridge.
Naboo (to self): I won’t say it, I won’t say it. Forget it I will *Out loud* Which he pushed her off.

“This is the only way across the river without swimming,” he told her. “What’s on the other side?”
Sian (Legolas): Why don’t you go and see? It won’t kill you; well maybe it won’t, if I’m unlucky.

“Evil. There are giant spiders, and I’ve heard that orcs live over there.”
Jack: Heard? Not know? Like a rumor? Wow, you need to know your kingdom better.

“Do they ever come over on this side?” “Not that I can remember. We tend to leave one another alone.”
Sian (Legolas): except for when we send them our Sues.

“Are you ready to head back to the palace? We’ve been gone for a few hours now.
Sian: Sudden flashbacks to Snow White, he should leave her here and she should join some dwarves, who she will be repulsed by, and so they kill her.

We should have enough time to get back and get ready for the feast tonight.” They headed back towards the palace.
Naboo: And Yesel promptly fell off a cliff.

On the way they passed a circle of violets, each of which was about 5 times the normal size of a violet.
Susan: Big violets? How random.

She knelt down to smell them. She blushed a little when she saw Legolas looking at her.
Jack: Sue sign. Blushing, she’s a Sue. Although we did establish that already, it’s perfectly sure now!

“I love violets. They’re my favorite flower. I’ve never seen violets of this size before. Who grew them?”
Sian (senator guy from The Simpsons): I can blabber on for hours, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap. Seriously that last bit of dialogue sounded like it was said by a five year old.

“No one grew them. They’ve always been there.”
Naboo (Museum voice over guy): Since the dawn of time over sized violets have been growing in the forest known today as Mirkwood.

He helped her up. “Thank you” The continued back to the palace.
Spock: Where some more highly illogical events will happen, no doubt.

In the courtyard they saw two elves practicing with swords.
*All shiver*
Susan: What was that?
Sian: The sense of foreboding. Something Sue-ish is going to happen.


“Do you want to take a turn Yesel? I’d like to see what you can do with that sword,” Legolas said.
Naboo (Legolas): Hopefully you’ll be impaled and die.
*Sian pulls her phone out*
Sian: Hello, Dr Bob? I need you to help my friend get over his unnatural fixation to kill Mary-Sue’s… Ok thanks. Two hours should be fine. See you then.
*Sian puts phone away*
Sian: You know I’m surprised my phone works.


She nodded. ”Alaingath, Nomlas which one of you would like to take on our visitor.”
Sian (Alaingath): Who is she? She looks like a Sue.
Jack (Nomlas): She is a Sue. We don’t want fight her. She’ll make us look like wimps and we might catch The Stupid.


“Not just one, both of them,” she said confidently.
Jack (Astronaut): Houston, we have a sign of the Sue.

They looked at her. She smiled back at them innocently. Legolas gestured to them and said, “The lady must know what she’s doing. Go ahead.”
Naboo: That one doesn’t need me to say it. It really sounds like he wants her to die.

She withdrew her sword and waited for their attack. Alaingath charged right in. Yesel easily sidestepped him and brought her sword up under his and sent it flying.
All: Of course.

Legolas laughed at the look of surprise that was on his face.
Sian: That’s mean.

Nomlas took his time and advanced slowly.
Jack: He’s scared of a girl?
Sian: Remember she’s not just any girl she’s a Sue.


He feinted to one side and when she made to go that way he quickly brought his sword up, and was met by Yesel’s sword. Legolas whistled softly. He hadn’t thought that anyone could move that fast or be that graceful with a sword. He and Alaingath watched as Yesel and Nomlas exchanged thrusts.
Susan: This almost sounds exciting. Almost.

Legolas got the impression that she could end it at any time she wanted to and was just giving Nomlas practice.
Jack: ‘Cause she’s just so nice.

She met his eyes and grinned, and before anyone knew anything she had disarmed Nomlas, and was holding his sword in her other hand.
Sian: Suckered!

Legolas clapped his hands. Yesel held his sword back out to him.
Spock: When did she get Legolas’s sword? It told us she got Nomlas’s sword but not Legolas’s.
Sian: Logic and Sue’s don’t mix. Besides I think Larnia means the Sue handed Nomlas his sword back.


He took it with a bow and said, “Thank you my Lady. I enjoyed that, I have not seen a better swordsman and I have seen Aragorn fight.
Jack: Ha! Who called it? Go me.
Sian: Shut up, bragging doesn’t suit you.
*Jack pouts*
Sian: Not working, no matter how cute or sexy you try to look.


You rival his skill.” He bowed and then him and Alaingath left.
Susan: ‘He and Alaingath left.’ Please try to write properly.

“That was indeed impressive, and Nomlas was right. You do rival Aragorn, and he is the best I’ve ever seen with a sword.”
Jack (Legolas): Well not counting the thousands of Sue’s who have come here before now.

He laughed. “Let’s go inside.” He escorted her to her room. “Thank you for the tour and a wonderful afternoon,” she told him. “I’ll see you tonight at the feast.”
Susan: Well at least she was polite.

She gave him a little kiss on the check and went into her room.
Sian: Talk about forward. Even I wouldn’t do that and I’m a notoriously forward person. All I do is hug people unless I know they like me.

Legolas smiled and started to go to his own room, then stopped and headed back outside.
Naboo (Legolas): Must go and reclaim my manhood by winning a few archery contests.

Yesel took a bath and had just finished dressing when she heard a knock on her door.
Naboo: Please be someone who is going to kill her.

She answered it expecting her father, but instead saw a small child.
Sian: What? There’s a human here? Considering a young elf would have been called an elfling.

The girl smiled, and held out a box. “For you Lady,” she said.
Sian: Place your bets on what you think is inside. I’m going for paint bombing machine.
Jack: One of those boxing gloves.
Susan: Wet confetti so she has to go to the ball covered in funny colours.
Naboo: Flying daggers.
Spock: Something highly illogical no doubt.


Yesel took the box and said, “Who’s it from?”
Sian: Who bets Prince Legolas?
*All raise hands*


“Prince Legolas,” came the response.
Sian: Big surprise. Also it should be something like ‘the girl responded’ or similar. ‘came the response’ isn’t right.

The girl dropped a curtsy and left. Bemused, she closed the door and crossed to the bed. She sat down and opened the box. She removed a wreath of violets
All: Aww.

and a note that read, “Lovely flowers for a lovely lady.
Sian: Cheesy.

I enjoyed the afternoon too.”
Naboo (Legolas’s note): Well the bits of it when I wasn’t with you.

Yesel laughed softly. She took the wreath and went over to the mirror. She brushed out her long hair and placed the wreath on her head.
Jack: No, and I thought she’d put the wreath on her leg.

She gave herself a final once over then left her room and went to her father’s room.
Naboo: On the way she will hopefully be killed by someone.
Sian: Chapter’s over, time for you to see the physiatrist.
*All leave*



Later, when Naboo was with Dr Bob, the others were sitting in the Living Room watching the Lord of the Rings DVD.

“This is the best we can do, for you to learn about Middle Earth,” Sian said from the sofa where she was stretched out, feet on Jack’s lap, a fact he didn’t look too happy about, “you haven’t got time to read the books. Oh and at least it’s the Peter Jackson version. It’s mildly better than the Bakshi version.”

“This does no justice to the books,” Jack said, pushing Sian’s feet off his lap, “how’d you think Naboo is?”

“He should be fine. Dr Bob will hopefully help get over his Mary-Sue killing fixation. I wonder if he will think of staying here at erm, well here, I think we may need him,” Sian pushed herself up so she was sitting and paused the DVD, “we need to name this place. Something like ‘Rooms of Doom’ except not that.”

“What about Tower of Terror?” Susan asked, mildly annoyed at the fact the DVD was paused, she was quiet enjoying watching that tall blonde one who was supposed to be Legolas.

“That’s good but we’re not in a tower,” Jack pointed out.

“Haven’t you looked out of that window there?” Susan asked pointing to the one, small window that was set in the wall beside the TV. Jack, Sian and Spock went over and looked out. When they did they saw that they were indeed in a tower, a way from the ground. It reminded Sian of Rapunzel.

“Well since we are in a tower, Tower of Terror sounds fine,” Sian said lying down and starting the DVD again.
Merlin: Thank you.
Arthur: For what? For lying to my father to save your worthless hide? If you ever put me in that situation again, Merlin, I will clap you irons myself.
Merlin, Series 2


David: Oh and John. My TARDIS... mine. Say sorry.
John: Sorry.
Tonight's the Night: Doctor Who Special


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Chapter 3 Banquet Feast Aka Sue shows her True Sue colours

The team trudge into the theatre. Sian has a mini-weevil in her arms.
Jack: What is that?
Sian: He’s Ionto. A mini-weevil created by someone who can’t spell ‘Ianto’.
Jack: Forget I asked.
Sian: Anyway. Chapter Three, Banquet Feast.


Legolas was sitting and talking with his father and Aragorn,
Sian: No, don’t drag poor Aragorn into this.

who had arrived while he was out with Yesel. Aragorn had just ridden in on his way to Rivendell, and was giving them the news from outside.
Jack (Aragorn): So, three Mary-Sue’s were after me at once, luckily I had my secret weapon, a dwarf, and sent him over to talk to them. They ran away pretty fast after that.

Thranduil had been asking Aragorn a question,
Sian (Thranduil): Really? Well funny you should mention Sues; we have one at the moment. Would you have any ideas on how to rid us of it?

when he heard Legolas draw in his breath.
Jack (Legolas): Shh, father she’s here.

He looked to see what was wrong, and found his son staring at the entrance. He looked and saw that Yesel had just entered on her father’s arm.
Sian: I have an image now of her flying in on it like a witch would on a broom.

Thranduil smiled to himself at his son’s reaction,
Susan (Thranduil): Ahh silly boy, falling for a Sue.

nor was Legolas alone in this.
Spock: What? Legolas was not alone in what? The rest of that sentence was about Thranduil smiling.

Thranduil saw several others staring at her.
Sian (random elf 1): Is that a Sue?
Jack (random elf 2): Yes, and it seems Legolas has fallen in love with it again *sighs*.


As for Legolas, from the moment he saw her, he couldn’t take his eyes off her.
Sian (singing): You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off you.
Everyone else: No signing!


She was beautiful.
*Alarm, that sounds suspiciously like the one at Torchwood that starts if the cog door to the Hub opens, begins in the background*
Sian: Jack, what’s that?
Jack: How’d you know it was me?
*Sian gives him a look*
Jack: Fine, I installed the Torchwood alarm to go off at the sign of a Sue.


The playful girl of this afternoon had been replaced by a polished woman.
Sian: Squeaky clean!

She was wearing a simple gown of iridescent blue. She had left her hair down and her only adornments were the wreath of violets that Legolas had sent her, which she wore in her hair
Jack: You said earlier.

and a teardrop pendant around her neck.
Jack: Generally where you wear pendants.

Largolas guided his daughter towards them.
Sian: Now images of a blind Sue.

When they reached Legolas he stood up so quickly that he lost his balance.
Sian: HEY! Elves aren’t clumsy.

He regained it but not before an amused ripple ran around the room, as all assembled became aware of the young prince’s situation.
Sian (random elf 1): Oh look the Sue made Legolas act OOC.
Jack (random elf 2): Well that’s new *rolls eyes*.


Thranduil looked at Largolas and saw that he was used to his daughter getting this kind of attention, and that he was smiling to himself at Legolas’ actions.
Naboo (Largolas): Note to self: Kill pretty boy who’s after my daughter.

He heard a choked chuckle and saw that Aragorn could hardly contain his laughter.
Susan (Aragorn): Legolas acted OOC, and he’s fallen in love with a Sue. I’m so glad it’s not me.

He was obviously getting a lot of amusement out of Legolas being so flustered. In fact, he was not the only one.
Sian: Jadis is, as Legolas’s OOCness is annoying us.

A lot of people were looking from a slightly blushing Legolas to Yesel to see who was causing their usually self possessed prince to temporarily lose his poise.
Sian (random elf 1): Yep it’s definitely the Sue, look at him blush.
Jack (random elf 2): *sigh* I am getting so tired of all these Sues turning up and doing this to our prince.


Thranduil had never seen his son act this way, but he had to admit to himself that if he had been younger and Yesel had smiled at him like that he probably would have reacted the same way.
Sian: Luckily he didn’t and we are not subjected to a Sue and Thranduil romance, they are worse than Legolas ones, trust me.

As Yesel was seating herself, Thranduil overheard her tell Legolas, “Thank you for the flowers. They were a lovely surprise.”
Naboo: Ours would have been better, at least for us.
Sian: Nice to know your therapy is starting to work.


“They are not near as lovely as their wearer,” he replied.
*Sian digs up some sick bags*
Sian: You might need these.


She turned her head but not before he saw her blush.
After everyone was seated, Thranduil stood up and spoke. “This evening we have much to celebrate. We have visitors from Evermeet, my old friend Largolas and his daughter Yesel.
Sian (random elf 1): Oh dear it seems our king is under the Sues influence too.
Jack (random elf 2): And it seems the Sue has a Stu type father.
Sian (random elf 1): This is bad.


Aragorn has also graced us with his presence tonight.” “Oh great,” a voice broke in.
Susan: That was the Sue, she has to choose who to pursue. I bet Legolas.
Jack: I’m not taking that bet up, it’s a given
.

“Legolas and Aragorn are together again. What kind of pranks can we expect from the two of you this time?”
Spock: None, I presume, as they are grown men.
Sian: No, no, no. Please don’t turn Aragorn and Legolas into Fred and George Weasley
.

“Who us,” they chorused together.
Sian: Too late, Fred and George Weasley are here.

“They have promised me that they will be good, so you won’t have to worry about green horses Eolod.”
Naboo: Green horses?
Sian: Eolod?
Spock: It is all highly illogical.


“You turned horses green,” Yesel asked them.
Susan: Missing question mark.

“Yes we did,” Legolas said with a laugh.
Jack (Legolas): We used to be so immature. But now we have grown up.

“That’s a good start, but I can show you how to do rainbow colored horses.”
Sian: Ahhhhhhh no! My Little Pony flashbacks.

Legolas and Aragorn looked interested. Eolod groaned, and Largolas said, “Yesel, I thought I told you to forget about that after what happened last time.”
*Alarm again*
Jack: She’s going to have pranked Elrond or Galadriel.


“It’s not my fault that Lord Elrond did not see the humor in it.” She shrugged. “At least his sons thought it was a good joke.”
Sian: Ahh yes, Elladan and Elrohir the ‘true’ Fred and George of Middle-Earth.

She held up her hand when Largolas started to say something. “Peace Father. I am sorry it happened
Susan: Not.

and I did apologize, and I promise it will not happen here.”
Naboo: That won’t last.

Thranduil cleared his throat. “Apparently Legolas and Aragorn have found a kindred spirit in Yesel, who has talents other than turning horses multicolored.
*Alarm sounds*
Jack: She has many Sue talents. Remember the sword fight?


We are also celebrating the winner of the archery contest, Yesel.”
*Fake cheers*

Cheers, applause, and laughter accompanied his last remark.
Sian (random elf 1): She’s even got Sue talents.
Jack (random elf 2): I heard she is better than Aragorn in sword fighting. How typical.


The cheers and applause were for her, while the laughter was for Aragorn, who sat with a shocked look on his face.
Susan (Aragorn): Oh no, it’s official. She is a Sue.

He could not believe that someone had actually beaten his friend.
*Alarm sounds*
Sian: Jack, that’s annoying.
Jack: I’ll take it off later. *under breath* maybe.


Legolas just grinned and accepted the good natured ribbing aimed at him.
Sian: I don’t think she mentioned anyone ribbing him. Also, ribbing is a fairly modern term! Legolas wouldn’t have thought of it as ribbing.

Aragorn turned to Yesel and said, “Your skill as an archer must be great indeed if you beat Legolas.”
Jack (Aragorn): Or you’re a Sue.

“Nor is she only skilled at archery my friend,” Legolas told him. “She is also adept at swordplay. She is a match for even you.”
Naboo (Aragorn): No, she isn’t. Really she isn’t. I am unrivalled. Be gone Sue.

Aragorn looked impressed. He knew that Legolas would not make a statement like that lightly. “I would be interested in a demonstration.”
*Ionto growls something*
Sian: Ionto says, ‘is that so he can beat the Sue and then kill her?’ I’m going to say yes.
Jack: You can understand that thing. (Do you want a ? there instead? Wasn’t sure if you were using it as a statement or a question)
*Ionto growls again*
Sian: Hey, be nice about him.
*Cuddles Ionto*
Jack: Now that is freaky.


“Of course. It would be an honor. How about tomorrow,” she told him.
Susan: Question mark, please, question mark.

“That sounds good. I have to ask you, did you actually turn all the horses in Rivendell multicolored?”
Sian (singing): My Little Pony, My Little Pony. You’ll always be in my heart.
All: How many times. No singing!


Yesel laughed. “Yes I did. I had done it to my horse at home
Susan: Why exactly would you do that?

so I decided to do it in Rivendell. I only meant to do it to one, but unfortunately I got carried away and changed all of them.
Sian: What a weird thing to get high of.

In truth though, it was not totally my idea. I had some help with it.”
Jack: Raise your hand if you think it was Elladan and Elrohir.
*Everyone, including Ionto, raises their hand.*


She saw her father frowning at her so she lowered her head and whispered the rest to Legolas and Aragorn.
Naboo: Way to not make it obvious you’re talking about things you shouldn’t be.

Largolas frowned slightly. He guessed that Yesel was recounting her escapade in Rivendell to the other two.
Sian: Actually considering Elven hearing he could probably hear what was being said even if she whisperers.

He sighed. Thranduil looked at him. “I believe my daughter is planting ideas in their heads,” he said as he gestured to the three.
Susan: She’s sowing seeds of discontent among us all.

Thranduil chuckled. “Those two do not need her help to get into mischief.
Sian (Thranduil): For they are Fred and George wannabes.

They can find it well enough on their own. Did she really do that in Rivendell?”
Spock: I find it highly illogical that he would lie about it.

“Yes. From what I gather, Elrond’s twins wanted to play a trick on their cousin visiting from Lothlorien, and Yesel helped them with their plan.
Jack: Told you so.
Sian: Just don’t brag.


They wanted to recolor his horse only,
Susan: I really want to know why people find that amusing.

except she got carried away and did all the horses.
Sian: I’m wondering why she got carried away colouring horses.

The other boy was livid,
Jack: So this was a while ago, when they were still elflings?

the twins and Yesel couldn’t stop laughing and Elrond just seemed resigned to it all.”
Sian: He gets like that if his sons turn into Fred and George.

“He probably was. Between his sons and mine, he has learned to accept it.
Jack (Thranduil): Since none of them seem to have matured in the hundreds of years they have been alive.

I have had all four of them here too and chaos has always abounded.”
Naboo (Thranduil): In fact we’re wondering how this place is still standing.

They both looked as Yesel, Legolas, and Aragorn burst out laughing. Largolas leaned over and whispered something in Thranduil’s ear.
Sian (Largolas): I’m so sorry about her, I didn’t realise she was so much of a Sue; I’ll take her away at once.

He nodded.
Jack (Thranduil): Good, make sure you kill her as well.

Aragorn wiped his eyes. “That sounds like Elladan and Elrohir.
Sian: Or as we like to call them at times like this Fred and George.

They’ve always delighted in giving Eissiang a hard time.
Sian: Hmm, more Elven but he doesn’t exist.

I’m sure Elrond was upset with all of you.”
Susan (Legolas): He certainly was with us.

“I don’t think so. Not really at any rate. Shortly after it happened I was walking down a hall and I heard laughter. I went in because I thought it was one of the twins. Instead, it was Elrond. I backed out before he could see me. Of course I told Elladan and Elrohir.”
Naboo: I bet he was laughing at the sheer idiocy of turning his horses into ‘My Little Ponies’. That and he’s obviously caught The Stupid.

She was interrupted by Thranduil. “Yesel, your father tells me that you play the harp. Will you play for us?”
Sian: I’d rather she didn’t but as long as she doesn’t sing it should be bearable.

“Yes, but I’ll need to go get my harp.” She got up to go but was stopped by a wave from Thranduil. He beckoned to a young servant who came forward bearing her harp.
Jack: He had this planned.

She thanked him then sat down cross legged on the floor.
*Sian starts humming Prince Charming by Adam and the Ants*

“Yesel, if I may make a request,” her father said.
Sian (Largolas): Don’t sing when you play.

She looked up. “Please play that piece you were working on before we left home. I particularly like that one.”
She nodded and started to play.
Sian (singing): Don’t you ever, don’t you ever. Stop being dandy showing me you’re handsome.
*Confused looks*
Sian: What? It’s the words to Prince Charming and this is reminding me of the video.


All conversation died off as all the guests listened to her play. Her music was full of feeling. All those listening felt the peaceful tranquility of a forest, the absolute happiness of being in the arms of a lover, the joy of being with family and friends, the tension right before battle, the fear of nameless shadows, the heartbreak of losing a mate, and the promise of rebirth.
Susan: That’s a weird mixture of emotions and some are complete opposites.

There was no sound at all for a full minute after the last note had faded from the air.
Naboo: Everyone was stunned into silence. Stunned by how AWEFUL she was.

Then as of one accord, everyone stood and started clapping. Larnia gracefully stood up and went back to her seat.
Sian: Oh no she didn’t!
Susan: What?
Sian: She just changed her characters name to her screen name for that sentence!


Legolas was gazing at her admiringly. “You are an accomplished archer, are graceful using a sword, talented with a harp, and your beauty is unsurpassed in this company.
*Alarm goes off*
Susan (Legolas): Therefore we have reached the conclusion that you are a Sue and must die!


Wouldn’t you agree Aragorn?”
Naboo (Aragorn): No, I can recognize the Sue!

“I would indeed,” he replied earnestly. Yesel blushed.
Sian: She does a lot of that.

“You have a glib tongue Legolas and you as well Aragorn. You flatter me needlessly.
Sian: You sure do, she doesn’t deserve your praise.

I do have skill at archery, but it is no more than Legolas’.
Spock: Since you beat him it would be logical to assume you are better than he is.
Sian: Oh dear, you really should let go off that logic.


I play the harp well, but only because it is something I like to do.
Susan: Just because you like doing something doesn’t mean you are good at it, just that you are more likely to learn it.

As for my beauty, it is no more than any in this room. I can not accept a compliment for something I had no hand in creating.
*Alarm*
Jack: Ahh modesty.


Now let us talk about other things. Tell me more of your adventures, both of you.” As the three of them talked, Aragorn was thinking that he had never seen Legolas so enchanted with a girl before,
Jack: Apart from the other Sues.

and that he had probably met his match in her. He smiled to himself. The next few weeks would be interesting.
Sian: Not for us, we have to read this drivel. At least the chapters over. We can go.
*Get up and leave, Sian is carrying Ionto*.
Merlin: Thank you.
Arthur: For what? For lying to my father to save your worthless hide? If you ever put me in that situation again, Merlin, I will clap you irons myself.
Merlin, Series 2


David: Oh and John. My TARDIS... mine. Say sorry.
John: Sorry.
Tonight's the Night: Doctor Who Special


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King of Nothing
A/N - sorry for the rather bad ending to this MST, but this one was really annoying me and I foudn one I'd rather do so I just sort if ended it. Sorry for the bad grammar that may crop up too.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 4 Aragorn, Legolas, and Yesel Play a Trick aka Fred, George and the Sue Play A Trick

The Team enters the theatre; Sian is still cradling Ionto, who looks strangely cute for a weevil.

Jack: Do you have to bring that thing with you? It creeps me out, I normally chase those not watch them be cuddled by strange girls.
Sian (to Ionto): Don’t listen to the mean man, (to Jack) his name is Ionto and yes I do. He gets lonely and he likes you (Ionto nods). Oh and don’t call me strange.
*Sian smacks Jack on the arm*
Susan: What’s this chapter called?
Sian: ‘Aragorn, Legolas, and Yesel Play a Trick’ this doesn’t bode well and it sounds like the title of an Enid Blyton book.


The next day Aragorn, Legolas, and Yesel were out in the courtyard. Legolas was watching Aragon and Yesel spar with each other. They seemed perfectly matched for each other

*Alarm goes off*
Sian: Jack I thought you uninstalled that.
Jack: I changed my mind.


both of them handling their swords gracefully and as an extension of their bodies.

Naboo: Well Aragorn’s was an extension of Yesel’s body as he had stabbed her with it.

He didn’t know which one to root for.

All: Aragorn, she’s a Sue!

It went on for quite a while until suddenly Aragorn stepped away from her, dropped his sword to his side, and bowed to her.

Jack: I highly doubt Aragorn would give up a fight, although I also highly doubt Aragorn would fight a girl so…

“I have more than met my match. I can truly see no way to best you. Legolas did not do you much justice last night,” he said as he shot Legolas an annoyed look.

Susan: Don’t be annoyed with him. He’s caught the Stupid obviously.

Legolas just laughed at him.

Sian (Suified!Legolas): Ha ha, silly Aragorn. Of course Yesel is better than he is.

“I told you that she was a match for you. It’s not my fault if you didn’t believe me.”

Susan: Grow up! You sound about 10.

“I thought you were just being nice, trying to impress her.”

Jack: I’d have thought he was more likely to impress Aragorn by saying Yesel was a match for him.

“Now boys, play nice,”

Sian: Yes, and grow up.

Yesel chided them gently. They smiled and her.

Spock: That sentence is incomplete. Her what? And what did it do?

Aragorn flopped onto a bench. “It sure is warm,” he remarked while wiping his face.

Sian (singing): Feeling hot, hot, hot.
*Everyone else glares*


“I know how we can change that,” Yesel told him.

*Alarm goes off*
Jack: Uh-oh I think there’s planning for a trick.


“How? Winter is still several months away.” “I know my father has weather spells with him. We could use the one for snow.”

Susan: and then, like the little children we sound like, we could have a snowball fight and build snowmen and make snow angels.

Legolas and Aragorn both smiled at once. “It would be a great trick,”

Naboo: Not really, I can do better.

Legolas said. “How would you get it,” Aragorn asked her.

Sian: Using her super Sue powers!

‘I know my father’s in the library doing research.

Susan: Conveniently.

I could just go to his room and look for it.”

Naboo: Or you could do something productive with your time, like throw yourself off a cliff.

“Where would we make it snow?”

Spock: Well logic would say somewhere outside, however this story is highly illogical so I doubt that will be the case.

The three of them mulled it over for a while then Legolas grinned and said, “The great hall.”

Sian: Ye, ‘cause that would be so funny. And end sarcasm.

Yesel clapped her hands together in delight.

Susan: again making her seem like a small child.

Aragorn laughed out loud, causing several elves to look over at him.

Sian (random elf 1): Oh dear, it seems that they are planning a prank.
Jack (random elf 2): The sooner this Sue is gone the better.


One of the elves was Eolod.

Susan: The non-exist elf who has been on the end of one of the pranks. How convenient.

He watched Yesel say something to the other two then get up and leave. He took a close look at the two left then went into the palace to find Thranduil.

Sian: Well he ain’t stupid. He can tell they’re up to something.

Thranduil and Largolas were in the library looking over some old scrolls. When Eolod walked in they looked up. “Excuse the interruption Your Highness,” he began, “But I feel it necessary to inform you that I think Legolas and Aragorn are up to something.”

*Ionto growls something*
Sian: Ionto said ‘they aren’t going to be able to stop them’.


“Is my daughter with them,” Largolas asked. “Umm, she’s out there with them but I don’t thinks she’s involved,” he said, not wanting to offend a visitor.

Susan: Although said visitor already admitted his daughter was liable to pull pranks.

“If she’s with them then she’ll be involved. Knowing my daughter

Sian (singing): Knowing me, knowing you. There is nothing we can do, knowing me, knowing you…
*Ionto bites her hand*
Sian: Ow, fine I’ll shut up.


she’s the one who probably suggested it.”

Sian: Since she’s stole their masculinity already, why not?

He gave Thranduil a rueful look. Thranduil just shook his head and said to Eolod, “We’ll try to find out what’s going on.

Susan: But they won’t. Until it’s too late.

Thank you Eolod.” He bowed and left. Thranduil and Largolas walked out onto the balcony.

Sian: What, are they expect Romeo to turn up and help them? *shudders* Too much Shakespeare.

Below them they saw Aragorn, Legolas and Yesel huddled by the fountain. They were reading a scroll and laughing. Every so often one of them would look around to make sure no one else was near. Thranduil and Largolas exchanged looks.

Sian (Thranduil): You Sue child is influencing my child into doing something silly.
Jack (Largolas): On the contrary, I believe it is your child influencing mine.
Sian (Thranduil): You said yourself earlier she was probably behind it.
Jack (Largolas): I changed my mind.


Unaware of their audience, Aragorn, Legolas, and Yesel were reading over the weather scroll that she had gotten from her father’s room. “Here it is,” Legolas said as he pointed to a spell. It was simply marked “Snow”

Susan: Shouldn’t it have a better title than that? It should tell what exactly it does with snow.

“We’d better copy it so I can get this back to my father’s room before he returns,” Yesel said.

Sian: Well at least they are trying to cover up what they are doing, even though they will be prime suspects later.

Aragorn wrote down the spell, then she

Susan: I do believe Aragorn is a man, therefore ‘she’ is not correct.

took the original back to Largolas’ room. She had just exited when she heard a voice behind her, “Are you looking for something Yesel?”

Jack (Largolas): Like a brain or some sense?

“She whirled around and said,

Susan: why is there speech marks there?

“Yes father. I was looking for you. I haven’t seen you all day.” “I was in the library with Thranduil. Are you up to something my daughter?”

Sian (Largolas): ‘Cause you’re acting awfully suspicious, you never normally care where I am.

“No, father. I just thought you might want to take a walk with me. Legolas showed me some pretty things yesterday, and I’d like to show them to you.”

Sian (Largolas ala Comic Book Guy): Worst. Excuse. Ever.

“Very well. Let me put these scrolls in with my other ones.”

Spock: and while doing so he realized they had been fiddled with. Thus Legolas, Yesel and Aragorn got found out and Yesel was kicked out of Mirkwood forever.

He went into his room and Yesel let out the breath she had been holding. That had been close. He came out and they left the palace. In the courtyard she said, “Hold for a moment, I forgot something that I wanted to tell Legolas.” Her father watched as she ran over to them and whispered something to them.

Susan: I’m sure that would have alerted him to something.

They nodded and she came back. “Shall we Father?” They entered the forest.

Naboo: and a spider ate them both. The end.

Later that evening, Yesel found them in the appointed place just outside the great hall.

Susan: *sigh*, that really should have been capitalized.

They looked at her questioningly. All she had told them earlier was to meet her by the great hall entrance. “My father suspects we’re up to something. He caught me coming out of his room, that’s why I went into the forest with him,” she explained to them.

Jack: Not that it’s going to matter; they’ll get caught in the end.

“Do you still want to do this,” Legolas asked her. “Of course I do. This is going to be good.”

Sian: Yer, ‘cause creating a snowstorm indoors is so amazing.

They went into the hall. Aragorn pulled out the scroll. They three of them looked down at it and read the spell in unison.

Spock: However since none of them were magicians it didn’t work.

As soon as they read the last word the temperature in the room dropped and it started snowing. They laughed until Legolas noticed that it was also snowing out in the hallway. “We forgot to close the door. The spell isn’t contained,” he yelled at them.

Jack: because it’s all fun and games until you snow the hallway too.

They raced to the door and saw that it indeed was snowing in the hallway too. “It’s probably snowing in the whole palace,” Yesel said through her laughter. “We’re going to get into so much trouble for this,”

Sian (sarcastic): Wow, we got a bright one here.

she managed to get out before collapsing to the floor with laughter. Aragorn and Legolas were also laughing. They laughed hysterically for several minutes, and then started to calm down.

Sian: Seriously? That much laughter just for causing a snowstorm inside? I thought, according to this, they were practical joke experts. This would have been trivial to them.

“My father is going to kill me for this,” Legolas said. “Maybe no one will notice,” Aragorn said.

All: *facepalm*

This statement caused them all to crack up again. Yesel scooped up some of the snow and threw it at Legolas, and soon the three of tem were involved in a snowball fight.

Sian: hey look it snowed here as well.
Susan: Let’s have a snowball fight ourselves. It’d be more interesting than this.
*mini snowball fight happens*


“LEGOLAS, ARAGORN, YESEL”

*All are blasted back into their seats, the snow gets blown away too*
Jack: No need to shout so loud.
Sian: Where’s Ionto?
*Ionto crawls out from under the chair, growling*


They looked up and saw a stern looking Largolas and an angry looking Thranduil standing in the door. The composed themselves and went to stand contritely in front of them.

Sian: *singing* O-oh, they’re in trouble. Someone’s come along and they’ve burst their bubble.
*everyone else glares*


“How did you cause this to happen,” Thranduil thundered at them.

Susan: What did question marks ever do to you?

“I used one of my father’s spells, “Yesel told him. “I thought as much,” Largolas muttered. He spoke several words and it stopped snowing, and the temperature rose. Soon all of the snow was gone. There were just a few puddles of water lying around.

Sian: Aww, fun time’s over.

“Thank you Largolas,” Thranduil said, then faced his son again. “How could you do this Legolas?”

Naboo: it’s not like he blew up the place. Which he could have done, as an unfortunate side effect. Magic is a very tricky business.

“Excuse me sir,” Yesel spoke up. “Legolas and Aragorn had nothing to do with it. I’m the one who used the spell. I just told them to meet me here.”

*alarm rings*
Jack: Look at her self-sacrifice. Sign of the Sue.


“Is this true Legolas?” “No Father. We all had a part in this.”

Sian: he’s so honest.
Spock: it seems logical to admit you all had a part in it, instead of getting found out later and being punished more.


“That’s what I figured.” Largolas looked at his daughter. ‘I’m very disappointed in you Yesel. You promised me you would be good, and it only took you one day to break that promise. I expected better from you.” She looked stricken.

Susan (Yesel, whining): But daddy, I was just trying to help the people.

“I’m sorry Father.” She lowered her head but not before he saw the sparkle of tears in her eyes.

Sian: Oh come on. Crying is the oldest trick in the book. I never works for me.

Thranduil spoke again. “As part of your punishment you will clean up every puddle of water in the palace. Aragorn, I think it’s time for you to return home to Rivendell. Legolas I will speak to you later.”

All: Uh-oh.

He turned and left. Largolas looked at Yesel for a moment the said; “Come to my room when you are finished.” She nodded. He left. The three of them looked at one another.

Naboo: When Aragorn and Legolas realized that Yesel was the cause of all their problems and so killed her.

“We’d better get started on the cleanup,” Yesel said as she wiped her eyes. “Are you ok,”

Susan: the question marks, won’t somebody please think of the question marks.

Legolas asked her concernedly. “Yes, I’m fine. I’ve just never seen my father so disappointed in me before.

Spock: So he was more disappointed you created some snow than he was that you dyed some horses? That is highly illogical.

Are you going to be ok? Your father was pretty angry.”

Sian: no, no way. Not the abusive, angry Thranduil.

“He always gets angry at me. I’ll apologize, he’ll give some form of punishment, and it will all blow over. It always does.” He grinned.

Naboo (Legolas): it’s good to be me.

“And what about you Aragorn,” she queried.

Susan: Question marks please. What are these children getting taught in school?

“He practically threw you out of Mirkwood.” Aragorn shrugged. “This won’t be the first time. Thranduil’s probably writing a note to Elrond right now. I can’t wait to tell Elrohir and Elladan about this. They’ll be sorry they missed it.”

Jack: they’re the ‘real’ Fred and George of Middle-Earth.

“It was a good trick wasn’t it,” Yesel said.

All: No.
Susan: and don’t forget to use a question mark.


“One of the best we’ve ever pulled,” Legolas replied. They laughed

Sian (random elf 1): I do believe they have all gone mad.
Jack (random elf 2): I tell you, it’s that Sue. I do hope Thranduil throws her out of Mirkwood now.

as they started to clean up the great hall.

*Susan holds up a ‘Capital Letters are your Friend’ placard*

Largolas and Thranduil were in the common room. “I really must apologize for my daughter’s actions Thranduil.” “Don’t apologize.

Jack (Thranduil): She’s a Sue, we understand. Now I must inform you the punishment is death.

If she hadn’t been here Aragorn and Legolas would have done something on their own. Although, this was particularly creative.”

Sian: ye sure it was.

His lips curved into a smile. “My daughter is nothing if not creative,”

Susan: Not creative is right. I’m afraid the snow was rather uncreative. Although it was more creative than a bucket of something falling on someone.

Largolas replied. “She was quick to accept full responsibility for it. That was impressive.”

Jack: Nah, that’s just because she is a Sue.

“She always has been one to protect her friends, and she has always claimed responsibility for her actions.” He laughed. “I can’t believe they used a snow spell inside.”

Sian: True, it would have made more sense to do it outside.

“This will definitely be one of the more popular and renowned tricks played in this palace,” Thranduil admitted. He sat down at a table and started writing a letter. “I’m letting Elrond know what’s happened. Aragorn might still have a copy of that spell,”

Susan: hmm, somebody has a good idea at last.

he told Largolas. “Are you really going to send him to Rivendell?” “Yes. I always do after one of their tricks.” He started laughing. After a moment Largolas joined in.

Sian (Largolas and Thranduil): Ha-ha our kids are so silly. He he.

It took several hours for them to clean up the palace.

Naboo: must have been some big puddles everywhere.

After they were done they went to Thranduil’s sitting room. Thranduil handed
Aragorn a note. “When you reach Rivendell will you give this to Elrond please?”

Jack (Thranduil): It’s a note warning him that the Sues are on the loose again.

He surveyed the three young people in front of him.

Sian: Young? Hmm, debatable depending on when this set. Still, Legolas wouldn’t be ‘young’ from the apparent time.

“Now then, why made you decide

Susan: I believe the word you meant was ‘what’.

that snow indoors was a good thing.” They looked at each other then Yesel volunteered, “Well, Aragorn said he was hot and I was just trying to help out a friend.”

Naboo: Nice excuse.

Largolas stared at her pointedly, while Thranduil smothered a chuckle.

Spock: that doesn’t sound like the age old king Thranduil is.

“At least it started out that way,” she admitted under her father’s stare. “From there it just skyrocketed

Sian: Not the appropriate term for the time this is set Larnia.

into a prank. I snuck into your room and took the weather scroll. We copied it and I returned the original” “And whose idea was it to do it in the great hall,”

Susan: Capital letters, remember that Great Hall would be capitalized.

Thranduil queried. Legolas stepped forward. “That was my idea father.” “And how did it come to be snowing in the whole palace?” “We forgot to close the door so it wasn’t contained to just one space. Instead it filled the whole space.” “I see. And what do you have to say for yourselves?”

Jack (Legolas): It was all the Sue’s fault.
Sian (Aragorn): We didn’t want to do it, but her Sue influence made us.


“We’re sorry,” they said in unison. “We’ll know better next time,” Yesel added. “Yesel Valmare,

Sian: Valmare? Very Middle-Earth. Not! Sounds more Russian.

there will be no next time,” Largolas said sternly. “Do I make myself clear?” “Yes father,” she said contritely. “Who has the copied spell?” Aragorn pulled it out of his pocket. Thranduil took it and ripped it up.

Susan: that was a clever thing to do, at least the Sue hasn’t ruined his character completely.

”This way you won’t be able to do the same thing in Rivendell. That note lets Elrond know what happened this time.” He disposed of the pieces.

Naboo: on the floor, then set fire to them. This caused a large fire which he threw the Sue on chanting ‘Burn the Witch, burn the Witch’.

“Now to your punishment. Aragorn, you are not welcome in Mirkwood for a month. Legolas, you will do nighttime guard duty for a month. Yesel, with your father’s permission, you will help in the kitchens for a month.”

Sian: What? Aragorn gets banned from Mirkwood for a month whereas the Sue, who only turned up a few days ago and whose father is not the Lord of an important realm, just gets some stupid kitchen duty for a month. Why doesn’t he kick her out instead?

They all nodded. “You may go.” They bowed and left. “That’s now settled. Shall we have a game Largolas?” Largolas nodded and set up the game pieces.

Sian: The end, lets go!

Everyone walked out of the theatre to find that Jadis was on the screen.
“Hello, I have some good news for you. Or at least, reasonably good news,” Jadis said, a sinister smile on her face, “I have been studying your progress with this story. As it is I have found that it is obviously stressing you out very much and you are not being as funny as you could be. Therefore I am terminating this story.”
“Terminating? No more of that stupid Sue? Great,” Sian said, smiling.
“Yes, that story is over. However I have found another story for you to MST. One that you should find, interesting, I shall see you tomorrow. Goodbye,” saying that Jadis disappeared leaving a blank screen.
“Well, as long as it isn’t a Sue we’ll be fine. Now I need some good old fashion therapy. I’m putting Labyrinth on. No-one make too much noise or else,” Sian said before putting the DVD on and settling back on to the couch.
Jack went and sat on the chair opposite the TV, settling down to watch the film too, while Naboo and Spock headed to their rooms to relax in their own way. Susan headed off to the kitchen saying something about needing food after that story.

Reveiws here
Merlin: Thank you.
Arthur: For what? For lying to my father to save your worthless hide? If you ever put me in that situation again, Merlin, I will clap you irons myself.
Merlin, Series 2


David: Oh and John. My TARDIS... mine. Say sorry.
John: Sorry.
Tonight's the Night: Doctor Who Special


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