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| Lyra; A You-Sue | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 10 2008, 04:39 AM (343 Views) | |
| MackenzieW | Sep 10 2008, 04:39 AM Post #1 |
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Resident Time Lady
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Title: Guess What? YOU'RE the Sue! Author: MackenzieW Genre: MST/Humor Text based on: "Lyra" by Legolas112890 Characters: The gang, Voldemort, "You/Lyra," Legolas, Elladan, Elrohir, Elrond, Arwen, "Gandalf" Summary: Voldemort gives the gang a "You-Sue," where they are suddenly the Mary Sue who has landed in Middle-earth to find out she is the first child of Elrond and Celebrian, born in the First Age before the first War of the Ring. The gang just wants to know why Legolas112890 keeps changing POVs in a second person narrative. Warnings: Second person, You-Sue, confusion Guess What? YOU'RE the Sue! The Remote Room of Doom was not a happy place. It was painted in various shades of gray with a black rug. The candelabras that lit up the room only cast a dim glow, added with the bluish glow of the television set. The people kept in the room tried to brighten it up—pictures, posters, an assortment of Disney characters—but it was still dismal. The mood in the room was also dour as the residents were in the middle of an epic badfic. Voldemort himself was concerned as it would seem his prisoners were on the verge of insanity. And while that was his ultimate goal, he had planned for it to happen in a few years, not a few stories. So, he decided to throw them a bone and walked into the room. “Attention, prisoners,” he announced. He waited for a response. None came. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE IS NO DOCTOR WHO ON TONIGHT?” Mackenzie was yelling at the television, drowning out Voldemort. He turned off the television. The residents turned to face him and groaned. “Oh, don’t do that. I, being a merciful master, have decided to give you a break from Phantom’s ange.” “Are you sending us somewhere?” Quatre asked, hopefully. “No,” Voldemort said, “but I am sending you a not-as-epic badfic.” They groaned again as he left. The siren went off, shrill and blindingly green. “We’ve got badfic sign!” Mackenzie yelled, scooping up a sleeping Octavius. “We’ll wake the penguin up in the theater.” Everyone settled into their seats, where a grumpy Erik met them. “I got caught by Lucius. He’s now plugged up one of my tunnels,” he said. “I don’t want to be subjected to any more of my character assassination.” “Relax,” Sai said, “we’re not doing that. Though I notice Jareth isn’t joining us for this.” Mac: His loss. Lyra by Legolas112890 Remus: This does not bode well. Excuse Me? Sai: Did someone say something? First off, Your name is Lyra, you are 22 and you live in 2006 Remus: First off, my name isn’t Lyra. Mac: First off, I’m the only 22 years old in the room. Sai: First off, I live in 2008. First off, Your name is Lyra, you are 22 and you live in 2006. Quatre: Uh oh, the author is skipping. Mac: I’ve notice a rash of this in fanfiction lately, repeating the first sentence. Some published authors do it, but it usually a literary technique used to set up something. Here it fails. Also, second person stories are banned on Fanfiction.net. You have kinda wavy blonde hair and it goes down to your waist but you always where Mac: Betas are your friends. your hair up except for formal occasions. You are 5'9" and have sapphire blue eyes. (If there is anything else you need to know just message me) Erik: No. That is just shoddy writing. You live in an small house with your dog Mithril. Mac: I’m a cat person. You are obsessed with Lord of the Rings. Erik: I have been obsessed with many things, and that is not one of them. You have every word memorized and even learned to speak a bit of elvish. Sai: But not enough to capitalize the word. LOTR is your LIFE!! ok, ready to start? All: No. Oh, yeah its Oct. 31 Quatre: No, it’s not. means it is in elvish and This is thoughts All: Huh? Mac: I really need to locate that Suethor decoder-ring. You sit down in front of the TV and sigh. "It is finally 9 no more little kids wanting some candy." Mac: Aww, I like giving out candy and looking at everyone’s costume. Erik: You would. DING-DONG Sai: The witch is dead. "Coming" Who could it be all the kids have surely gone in by now…You open the door to find a man. Mac: Oh my Jonas, it’s Michael Myers! RUN! Remus: You don’t even watch horror films. A gorgeous man in the best costume of Legolas you have seen all night. But there wasn't a kid with him. Isn't he a little old to be trick-or-treating? You think as you say "Can I help you ...?" Yes. I am looking for Lyra Quatre: Why isn’t that in quotes and it’s own paragraph? "How do you know my name" you had said it before it even occurred to you that he had spoken in elvish, no one else you knew could speak elvish. It was so weird! Mac: Like, ohmigod! "Milady everyone knows your name, for you are a princess in middle earth, daughter of Lord Elrond of Rivendell." Mac: Newsflash, Elrond isn’t a king and none of his children are considered “princess” or “prince.” Arwen marries Aragorn and that’s why she’s a queen. he said bowing slightly. You start cracking up and 'Legolas' looks up confused. "Ok, ok I get it, this is a dream isn't it! Remus: I wish. I mean you don't even exist! You are a fictional character!" Mac: New paragraph! "What are you talking about Mac: Question mark. this is not a dream milady! Look how can I prove it to you! Mac: Question mark. This is real!" Erik: Obviously, this girl hasn’t met a grammar book. He whipped out his swords and gave you a small cut on your hand, and then healed it, right before your eyes! Quatre: Call me crazy, I’m pretty sure that Legolas does not have crazy magical healing powers. This can't be a dream when he cut me it hurt and I bled. You can't get hurt in dreams... Mac: No, you can’t feel pain in dreams but you can get hurt. Erik: Did you feel any pain? OMG IT IS REAL Mac: OMG I feel my IQ dropping. Sai: E equals M…something something. You almost screamed you don't know what’s going on. This is real but it can't be LOTR is fictional! Remus: Apparently so are full stops! And yet here was Legolas in your living room, telling you that you are a princess and there was no doubt that he was real. Octavius: Okay, where’s the hidden camera? Come on, there’s got to be a hidden camera. You shook your head forcefully trying to think clearly. It was all just too much! You fainted on hte spot. Octavius: One…two…three…ding ding ding! Mac: Of course she faints. They always do. When you woke up you were in the middle of a forest. Instead of you blue jeans and t-shirt, Mac: Some costume. Erik: Of course you also enjoy dressing up. You probably wear 18th century outfits too. Mac: Sadly, only once. I went as Betsy Ross one year and it was a borrowed costume. If I could, I’d get one to wear every year. But I want to go as a flapper this year. Erik: I hate you. you were in brown boots, brown pants, and a tight green shirt. Quatre: Oh my Jonas, you’ve become Legolas! You had a HUGE headache and when you felt your head you realized your ears were pointed! Sai: Seriously, you’re that surprised? You must not have read many Mary Sue stories. As you tried to remember what happened last night and how you got to where you were, you Erik: Really regret that last round of tequila shots. turned around and there was Legolas. Octavius: Cue the heavenly light and angelic chorus. He was just sitting on a log staring at you with his beautiful eyes. Remus: Contemplating the best way to kill the Sue. Then everything came back to you. Legolas had come to the door, he said that you were a princess, a daughter of Lord Elrond! Octavius: I’m still waiting for that damn hidden camera reveal! Chapter 2 Sai: Already? Remus: Anyone want a break? Erik: Let’s keep going. You looked over at Legolas hoping that he was started laughing and say "Hahaha just kidding!!" Octavius: Because a dignified Elven prince would do that. but he didn't instead he just looked at you like you were crazy and slowly nodded. You couldn't believe it, You wouldn't believe it. Quatre: So there! This has to be a prank or something. There is absolutely no possible way that you could be in middle earth. Erik: As opposed to Middle earth. Some one had to being playing a prank on you. Mac: Must be. That's it!! A prank!! It had to be a sick joke. No matter what it was it had to be somewhere ...so theoretically if I ran I would eventually run into a wall or human or something right? Octavius: I’m rooting for the wall. You were trying to convince yourself that this wasn't real. So you ran, you ran as fast and as hard as you could. All: Run, Forrest, run! After a while you realized that something wasn't right. You had not found another person, or a wall, a building, or anything but trees and open fields! Mac: Oh my Jonas, you’re in a RURAL area! Erik: Well, she probably would’ve ran into a cow at some point. Legolas POV: Mac: She’s changing POV’s in a SECOND-PERSON STORY? Erik: Break out the charts. You slowly nodded your head as an answer to her question. Quatre: Wait, did she—you—whatever—ask a question. Remus: Who knows? If I pay attention, I may turn suicidal. Fear and doubt entered into her eyes. Then with out any warning at all she ran. You just sat there. She knows its true, I guess she just has to be alone. She will come back when she is ready. Sai: Are when the nice men in white coats return her. The night came and went and Lyra still had not returned. Now you started to worry, the woods could be perilous, what if she got lost or hurt. Erik: We’d party. Finally decided to go out and look for her. All: Aww. Lyra POV: Quatre: POV change! You wore yourself out. You looked behind you and saw no trace that Legolas had followed you so you stopped, and climbed a tree. There you started to cry. Mac: Cheer up, emo kid! You just sat there all night crying, trying to figure out what to do. There was no denying that you were in Middle Earth, you ran all day and didn’t find any hint of the world you knew. Should I go back? Should I just try to find Gandalf or Aragorn? Erik: No neither wants you. Should I go to Lord Elrond or the Shire? Octavius: Well, one is supposedly your daddy and the other doesn’t wish to be tainted with your kind. What the hell am I saying? This doesn't exist! They don't exist. Mac: Joe Jonas! Make up your mind—are you in Middle Earth or not? What can I do? Erik: I can think of things you can do. You finally made up your mind. Remus: After an eternity. You had no idea where you were so you only had one choice. You had to go with Legolas, If you ran to find someone else you would probably get lost. Quatre: You already ran from Legolas, how are you supposed to find him? Mac: Mary Sue intuition. Sure you knew the way around Middle Earth but that didn't help you very much since you had no idea where you were to start with. You stared up at the clouds lost in thought. Then you heard it! Hoofbeats coming closer and closer. Mac: Here comes the cavalry! The you heard your name being called over and over. You hopped down from the tree right behind the horseman. The next thing you knew there was an arrow aimed at your throat. "Relax it's just me!" Sai: And then the archer shot her. Legolas POV: You have been riding forever. You started to head back to camp calling Lyra's name hoping that Lyra had found her way back to camp or she would find you on your way back. The forest was dead silent. Quatre: The crickets prefer to live with me. *Crickets chirp in agreement* This is odd, usually there is an animal around. What is going on? Best be on my gaurd. Erik: Wonder how much better he’d be if he was on his guard? Not a moment after you finished this thought you hear a tree rustle and a small noise behind you. Quick as a flash you had and arrow notched and pointed, with deadly aim, at the source of the noise. Without lowering your arrow you started berideing All: WHAT? Lyra. "What were you thinking! Erik: Question mark. Mac: Oh, berating her! I could have just killed you! Sai: If only we were so lucky. What were you doing up in a tree? Have you been up there the whole time? Why did you run?" Lyra POV: Quatre: I must’ve missed the last one. Remus: Don’t worry. It’s still confusing. You stood there not daring to move while Legolas yells at you, still holding the arrow notched at your throat. "Well, first things first. Can you lower your arrow?" He slowly lowered his arrow. "Now we need to get going I will explain everything on the way." With that he pulled you up on his horse and started riding toward Rivendell. On the way you explained why you had run and what you were planning on doing. Then it was your turn for questions. You asked how come you had been sent to Earth. Why did they just now come and get you. What was the purpose of bringing you back. How did they know exactly where you would be. Mac: Why don’t you use a damn question mark? As you looked at Legolas he seemed to be in deep thought. "Well?!" you shouted "Are you going to tell me or not?" "No" he answered calmly. "It is not for me to tell you. That Remus: And because you’re a bitch. will be up to Lord Elrond." "Well, can you least tell me how long I have been away?" Mac: Well, she’s close to new paragraphs. But not quite there yet. "Yes I suppose I can tell you that much. It has been a little over 5,000 years since you have left." Remus: And what has she been doing the other 4,988 years she’s been on Earth? "And what year is it?" "3080 of the third age." You quickly did the math in your head and realized something. "So I was sent away just before the first war of the ring? All: How convenient. And before Arwen or Elladan and Elrohir were born?" Mac: And before Celebrian and Elrond were even married. "Well, yes. I suppose that would be about right." "So my sister and brothers may not even be aware that I exist?!" Legolas quickly changed the subject and kept riding. "We will be there in two hours." I am guessing that would mean that they don't. Oh great this is going to be awkward. 'Hi I am Lyra I am your older sister!' They were probably going to flip when they find out. Octavius: Ya think? You finally get to Rivendell and you start to get nervous. "Do we have to do this Legolas?" It was kind of a rhetorical question but he nodded at you and nudged you ahead toward the palace. Sai: Rivendell doesn’t have a palace. It’s the Last Homely HOUSE. Mac: Elrond is NOT a king. His daughters would NOT be princesses. "FINE..." you sighed. When you entered the palace the first person you saw was Arwen. She saw you and approached you. Hello Prince Legolas. How have you been? she asked in elvish. Remus: And without quotation points. Then noticing you she asked, still in elvish. Who is your friend Legolas? Oh, I am sorry, I didn't mean to be rude, my name is Lyra. I guess...well I guess I am you older sister. Arwen looked from you to Legolas hoping for someone to explain this to her. Mac (Arwen): Another one? Remus (Legolas): Another one. Mac (Arwen): We’re running out of places to put them. "Where is your father?" said Legolas "He is up in his study but...what is going on?" " Lord Elrond can explain it better then me. Go find Elladan and Elrohir, then meet us in Lord Elronds study." Without a word but a very confused look on her face Arwen left to go find her brothers. Elladans POV: Sai: This girl wouldn’t know punctuation if you hit her over the head with it. You were currently outside having a sword fight with your brother. All the sudden you hear your name being called out and you let your guard down. Ow that hurt! You shouted at Elrohir, who had hit you when you let your guard down. Remus: Hey, did you let your guard down? Sorry. Hey, why did your guard down anyway? Octavius: How many times can she write “your guard down” in less than three sentences? You pointed over your shoulder and saw Arwen running at you with a very confused look on her face. Elladan! Elrohir! Come with me now! We need to go see ada. NOW! Mac: Yes, a millennia old elf who has experienced both the grief of her mother’s passing and the fact she cannot marry her beloved just yet is going to act like that. She turned and started running back toward the palace. You and Elrohir took off running after your sister wondering what was going on. Erik: And when you guys got a palace. By the time you got to the palace you had caught up to Arwen and entered the study together. The first thing you noticed was Legolas sitting in there with some girl that you didn’t know and your father behind his desk looking as if he was seeing a ghost. Ada what is going on? Who is this? It is Lyra, it's your older sister. Lord Elrond said very slowly. Your draw dropped. My what? We don't have an older sister! Added your twin. Octavius: Don’t bother arguing. The Suethor is going to muck up the Lord of the Rings no matter what. Elrond POV: Yes you do boys. Now take a seat and I will explain everything. The twins slowly sat down next to Arwen on a couch across from you and Legolas. Back before the first war of the ring... when Isildur took the ring. You all know that story right? Sai: Please say yes so we’re not subjected to Legolas112890’s *covers Quatre’s ears* fucked up *uncovers his ears* version of it. Everyone nodded and he continued. Well, what I haven't told you about that story is that Your mother and I had another child just before this war. Mac: Despite not meeting yet. Yes, we are just that amazing. and we feared for the child's life and sent her to a parallel universe, to be safe until the war was over. The plan was to go and retrieve her after the war of the ring. However what we didn't plan on was Sauron closing the only way to other worlds. All: D’oh! Apparently Gandalf has been able to open it back up, without telling anyone but Mr. Greenleaf here. Octavius: It took Gandalf 5,000 years to finally figure out how to open up a damn portal? Erik: He was hitting the pipeweed a little too hard. Mac: Okay, Legolas is a prince and would therefore be addressed as such. And Greenleaf is the translation of Legolas. Again he paused and looked at Legolas, who once again nodded. Well I suppose he set this whole thing up, this little family reunion, then right? Yes Lord Elrond. Well, Gandalf in already on the way so there is no point in trying to get a hold of him. Arwen will you please show your sister to a room. Mac (Arwen): How about our imaginary dungeons? Of course ada. Come on Lyra there is an open room next to mine. Remus and Mac: Of course there is! We can make it your room. Arwen said to our eldest child. Lyra smiled and nodded and followed Arwen out of the room. Boys will you please leave me and Mr. Greenleaf All: AUGH! to talk alone. Of course They said simultaneously. Sai: We are all one unit. You followed Arwen to your new room and was AMAZED!! It was gorgeous!! It was a deep blue with beautiful oak dresser and bed. There was a full-length mirror in the corner. The ceiling was curved and straight ahead of you were two beautiful stain glass doors leading out to a balcony that looked over Rivendell. Will this be okay? Arwen asked a little tentatively. It was more magnificent than any room you had ever seen before. You just nodded as shock prevented you from saying anything. She let out a small laugh. You should get ready. The feast starts in an hour. Mac: Anyone else bored out of their freaking minds? *Everyone raises hands* At dinner you sat next to Arwen, who like you, was wearing a beautiful elvish dress, hers pink and yours a baby blue. You had noticed that everyone had arrived earlier that day but had not talked to most of them even though you knew who all of them were and what would happen to them. Quatre: She’s landed prior to the Council! Mac: Oh Jonas, this is going to be a tenth walker fic. Kill me now! After dinner there was a small dance in which Legolas asked you for a dance along with Pippen, Mac: She misspelled Pippin. Boromir, Aragorn and a few of the servants that you had seen around the palace. You finally got away from the dance floor Quatre: Because elves like to boogie down. and you were exhausted! You were raised by your 'mother' to never to say no to the first dance/date. All: WHAT? You tried to sneak out so you could go to bed, but you didn’t get very far. "Lyra, May I have a word with you please?" Noticing it was your father you said. "Oh, hello ada. Sure, what do you need to talk about?" You walked out of the dance hall to a small chamber. "Lyra, I know that you know what is going to happen to the fellowship and I know that you will want to go with to try and help them, but you can't." All: YES! You stood there shocked. How did he know all of that! Then you gave yourself a mental slap, of course he has the 'power of foresight then out loud you said "But ada..." "The answer is no Lyra!! Is that clear?" "Yes ada." You answered reluctantly. You ran to your room and jumped onto your bed willing yourself not to let your emotions get carried away and start crying. Mac: Oh my Jonas, there is no way the author is 22 because, well, I’m pretty sure the 112890 is her birth date which makes her seventeen. And because I’m 22 and Lyra is acting like a teenager, not an adult. You were just deciding what to do when you heard a knock on the door. The person didn't wait for an answer but just came right in. "You remember what we talked about right?" You looked up to see Gandalf there. It took you a minute but you finally remembered what he ment. Remus: But not what he “meant.” "Course. But I can't! I am forbid!" Sai: Forbidden, not forbid. You added a venomous tone to the last word. "Lyra! You must come. Get your brothers to train you without your father knowing. All: WHAT? GANDALF, NO! And about leaving with us just disguise yourself as a man for the council. Mac: Oh yeah, that’s really going to work. Your father will not know until it is too late! Please Lyra we need you to come!" Remus: Raise your hand if you can see Gandalf begging like that. *No one does so.* Thought not. "Fine I will talk to Elladan and Elrohir tomorrow." "Very well. Get some rest. I will see you tomorrow." Mac: And the sad thing is today is Ian McKellen’s birthday. Remus: I highly doubt he would be reading this. Sai: Is it over? Mac: Yes. *Everyone runs out.* |
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You are the music while the music lasts--T.S. Eliot "Stop the damn texting and pick up a book!"--Grandmama, "The Addams Family" (Musical) "Tomorrow will be better for as long as America keeps alive the ideals of freedom and a better life." —Walt Disney "I wake in the loneliness of sunrise When the deep purple heaven turns blue And start to pray As I pray each day That I’ll hear some word from you I lie in the loneliness of evening Looking out on a silver-flaked sea And ask the moon Oh how soon, how soon Will my love come home to me"--"Loneliness of Evening," Cinderella "Thank you, Lord You have brought us Safe to shore Be our strength and protection ever more. A Thiarna dean trocaire A Chriost dean trocaire A Thiarna dean trocaire A Chriost dean trocaire"--Heartland, as performed by Celtic Thunder I'm writing a novel! A Guide to Fanfiction for Dummies! My Little Corner I'm on Book Country! | |
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1:15 AM Jul 11