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MST: More Worlds Than One; A Mary Sue story being ripped apart.
Topic Started: Oct 9 2008, 08:04 PM (689 Views)
Caranthol
Member Avatar
At Journey's End
Title:MST: More Worlds Than One
Author:Caranthol
Rating: PG-13
Genre:Parody, original story Romance/Humor
Text it is based on: Kuragari91's (of ffnet) More Worlds Than One.
Characters: Sporkers: Faramir, Eowyn, Pippin, Joachim Kraut and Katherina Sturm (OC's). The original story: Most of the LotR characters, OFC.
Summary: An MST of a Legomance with an OFC named Shadow/Shade.
Warnings: None I know of.

MST: More Worlds Than One

Disclaimer: I own only the characters Joachim Kraut, Katherina Sturm and Deusexmachina. All other characters belong to Tolkien Estates or Kuragari91 of ff.net. The story on which this MST is based belongs to the latter.

As soon as the hapless prisoners rushed out of the library they heard Deusexmachina’s voice speaking jovially:

”Nice to see you endured this so well. As a reward I have prepared a banquet for you in the great hall. I hope you will be satisfied by my hospitality. And Master Kraut, I have a surprise for you, hopefully an agreeable one.”

As there was no point in disobeying the prisoners headed for the great hall, with hopeful attitude. Deusexmachina could be weird and mysterious but he also was as good as his word. The Maia had prepared all kinds of activities and the food he gave the prisoners would have made a king enthusiastic. Thus, the prospect of a banquet was more than welcome, since the quartet needed some refreshment after the horror known as Shadowed Past.

They stopped, however, before the door of the hall when they heard two voices speaking in the room. The other voice was Deusexmachina’s, but the other one was clearly a woman’s, speaking in an angry and high-pitched tone:

”For the last time, let me out of here, you weirdo, or I call the police!”

The answer was calm and polite:

”You may try if you wish, miss, but it is to no avail. And for the thousandth time, I wish no ill upon you.”

During this conversation Kraut’s expression had changed from surprise to disbelief to excitement. He flung the great doors open and exclaimed, striding in:

”Kätchen!”

A young brown-haired woman sprang up from her seat, her grey eyes wide with astonishment. For a second nobody moved, but then the woman ran towards Kraut and flung herself on his open arms.

”Oh, Joachim!” she breathed, taking his head between her hands and planting a kiss on his lips.
”What is this? Has that old madman kidnapped you also?”

Kraut nodded, answering:

”Unfortunately, yes. We have no hope of escape.”

Deusexmachina (who was dressed in a black tuxedo with a dazzlingly white vest and gloves) chuckled, breaking in:

”Finally a word of sense. Master Kraut, I must say your fiancée is very charming, but a bit stubborn. I tried to explain my little scheme to her but she refused to believe. Maybe you have more success.”

Kraut said to Kätchen, dejectedly:

”He speaks true. I still don’t know exactly how or why we are here, but Deusexmachina is right.”

Kätchen shook her head, still unsure if she should believe or not. After a moment of silence Kraut released her from his embrace and turned to the others:

”Well, I guess I must introduce you to each other. Guys, this is my girlfriend Katherina Sturm. Käthe, these are Faramir, Eowyn and Peregrin Took.”

Kätchen only stared, dumbstruck by this extraordinary introduction, but Faramir advanced and bowed, remembering his manners:

”I am pleased to meet you, mistress Sturm! I wish we could have been introduced at a happier moment, but pleasure is still all mine.”

Kätchen, who had recovered a bit, extended her hand and shook that of Faramir, trying to make a formal curtsey. Then Eowyn and Pippin stood forth, greeting her with equal courtesy. After these formalities all turned towards the table where the eating utensils already waited. As all took their seats, Pippin scratched his head.

”Silver plates and cups are all fine and dandy, but where is the food? Is this some joke of yours, Deusexmachina?”

The Maia smiled.

”I thought there was no point in letting the food get cold. Don’t worry, you will have your fill soon enough, since I will personally wait on you all.”

With that he made a slight movement with his fingers. Suddenly deep plates full of steaming mushroom soup were before all. Seeing the suspicious expressions of his prisoners, the Maia waved his hand dismissively.

”No reason to worry, I offer only the best quality for my ’guests’. Why would I try to poison you?”

Faramir muttered to Eowyn:

”He has already done that to our minds with those fics.”

Nonetheless, he dipped his spoon into the soup even as he spoke and raised it to his lips. The others did the same and had to admit that the food was delicious. After they had finished the soup, a flicker of hand from the Maia made the plates and spoons to disappear, to be replaced with a main course of beef with fried potatoes and vegetables and a redwine sauce.

The banquet continued thus, the courses following each other, each as excellent than the previous ones. Even Katherina relaxed and the Middle-Earth people saw that she was good-natured and apt to jest, very delighting company indeed. All the while they ate and drank Deusexmachina sat in the head of the table, barely speaking but obviously enjoying himself tremendously as he made his tricks.

After the dessert of strawberry sorbet with chocolate sauce all sighed in contentment, pushing their plates away from them. The supper had been enough even for Pippin, who now burped and searched for his pipe. As if reading his thoughts, Deusexmachina lifted a finger and an expensive pipe and a pouch of pipeweed appeared before the hobbit. Another movement conjured two cigar cases full of ’Monte Cristos’ and ’Black Watches’ before the Maia and Kraut. Deusexmachina looked inquiringly at the others who shook their heads, since they didn’t smoke. With a wave of hand the Maia conjured bottles of wine for them and cognac for the smokers, saying with a smug smile:

”Because all know tobacco ruins the taste of wine.”

After Kraut had smoked half of his cigar in an enjoying silence, he turned towards the Maia, mellowed by the feast and four glasses of cognac:

”Thank you for the supper, master Deusexmachina. Maybe I have erred and you are a passable fellow, after all.”

Deusexmachina shrugged, saying with a dry smile:

”Not so fast, master Kraut. I did this to reward you for the reading of the last fic, but tomorrow you will have a new one.”

Kraut, crestfallen, reverted to his native language as he cursed:

”Scheisse!”

Faramir, however, was less annoyed and asked:

”So, what is it like this time? I hope it’s not about dragons.”

The Maia answered:

”Oh, no. This time it’s a more traditional case, a girl-falls-into-Middle-Earth story.”

Katherina broke in:

”Sounds bad. They are almost never good stories.”

Deusexmachina grinned:

”That’s exactly the reason you will read it.” Then he pulled a golden watch from his vest pocket and said, glancing at the watch:
”Well, it is late and I think I will leave your delightful company for now. Don’t forget to be in the library at noon tomorrow. Do svidanije!”

He disappeared with a bang and a flash, leaving the prisoners half-blinded for a moment. They finished the wine and cognac, but their festive air was quite damped for the evening.

The next day they were punctually in the library, sitting quite comfortably in the big chairs. Faramir and Eowyn whispered to each other, Katherine and Kraut jested merrily and Pippin examined his finger-nails, when they suddenly were interrupted by the sudden appearance of the first words on the screen.

------

More Worlds Than One by Kuragari91

Can a girl from Manhatten have any difference from all the rest?

Faramir: Most probably not.
Kätchen: A very promising start, indeed, if the author can’t even spell ‘Manhattan’ correctly.


How can she have gifts and not know why and how she has them?

Eowyn: Because she is a retard?
Pippin: Why do you ask us, Kuragari? It is you who should know that.


What is it that makes her so unique and how will she figure things out?

Kraut: Probably nothing and she doesn’t figure anything out.

If you don't like this story, don't read it!

Faramir: Oh, if we only had a choice…

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Lord of the Rings!

Kraut: And that’s a good thing for sure.

More Worlds Than One
Chapter 1: My Weird Life
You may think me weird, but for my whole life, everyone has told me that I can do anything.

Kätchen: Well, then they lied.
Kraut: Yeah, flattery doesn’t equal truth.


I don’t know the reason, just that many say I am gifted, but in what kind of way?

Faramir: We don’t know. You tell us.

Is being different cause me to be gifted?

Eowyn: Maybe we could answer if you told us exactly how are you different.

I don’t get that logic.

Pippin (shrugs): Don’t worry, we don’t either.

Well, I’m an ordinary teenager,

Kraut: Huh? What about you being gifted and different and all that?

with dark brown hair and silver-like blue eyes.

Faramir and Pippin: Silver eyes? NOOOOO!
Kätchen: What?
Pippin: Bad memories. Ornjin… Kalan…


I always think of myself as normal, but that, I found, was totally wrong.

Kraut (boredly): Of course.

It was a normal day, not any different from the rest. I had gone to school and come home to a loving family. I had what was called the “perfect life” as some say. I am an only child that, let me say, am spoiled, and I like it that way.

Kätchen: Well, who wouldn’t?

It’s not my fault that I don’t have any brothers or sisters right?

Faramir: Perhaps it is. Maybe your parents decided you are trouble enough.

Okay, I could be less greedy, but still…
The weird thing about myself is that I was born with blonde hair, but it somehow turn brown.

Eowyn: Most of the white babies are born with blonde hair, you dumbass.

How do I know that? Because my hair is freaking BROWN!

Pippin: All right, we get it, okay? Your hair is brown. You can stop shouting.

Okay, I’m calm.

Pippin: Good.

I have heard of many cases where that can happen, and it might happen everyday, but come one, that's freaky! Another weird thing is that I have gone out with a lot of guys, but I haven’t ever fallen in love.

Kraut: That maybe is because you love yourself way too much.

I find that really odd, especially since I’ve gone out with plenty of hot and built guys.

Kätchen: I scent a frustrated fantasy of author’s spilling on the surface here.
Pippin: Sad.


Even some men have asked me out, and that does a lot to make me feel good on some days.

Faramir: She’s a teenager? I never knew they like to be molested by dirty older men.

I think I’m a normal girl because I like music and movies, like Phantom of the Opera. I also like to read. I love romance novels! And yet, I am different from the rest.

Eowyn: Yeah, yeah. Get on with it.

My life, since I can remember, has been weird and yet normal, if that's at all possible,

Pippin: Well, even a normal life is very weird sometimes.

but it's true. I'm not the most skinny girl in school and I don't have the prettiest hair, toes, nails, butt, etc.

Kraut: So how has she attracted those hot guys, then? Not by her personality or attitude at least.

I'm me, and that's all that matters!

Kätchen: And that is exactly what irritates us.

I thought it a regular day in Manhatten, like I’ve already said except the Manhatten part; and I know I’m odd, that’s why I’m telling this story!
All (switch in their chairs, looking bored.)

I was walked past the graveyard

Eowyn (deadpan): Who held the leash? One of those hot guys?
Faramir: Good to see they don’t let her run freely.


when I saw a huge light beam spark from one of the statues. I am very nosy, so I just had to find out
what it was.

Kraut: UFO landing?
Kätchen: A nuclear bomb?
Pippin: The Doomsday?


I crept into the cemetery and found nothing. Not a broken lamp, or someone walking around. What was that?

Faramir: In any case it isn’t your business, so buzz off.

So I started to head out, when I heard someone approach me from behind. I shot around,

Kraut: Wow, she had a handgun!

but no one was there. This really started to freak me out! I walked on, a little faster than last time, and then the sound came again. I turned around, and still NOTHING!

Eowyn (on the top of her voice): NOTHING? REALLY?

So I then ran toward the North Gate, and this time, the thing that was following me kept the same pace.

Kätchen: Even the Martians were wary of her.

I grabbed a stick nearby and swung around. I hit the person! Yes!

Pippin: No!

Do you think it’d be good? No, it wasn’t.

Faramir: Nice to see you have even some sense.

I had hit an old man. He wore a huge pointy hat, and let me just say, grey is not the color that’s in this year,

Eowyn: As if we cared.

and he had a lot of it!
“Oh my gosh! I am so sorry! I thought you were stalking me!”

Kraut (as the old man): Yeah, right! A cemetery is a perfect place for that, as all know.

I explained with a hint of sadness in my voice.
“It’s okay. It’s not a bad thing you aren’t good at hitting people. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have shocked you like that.” The old man replied. Wait a second! He shouldn’t be apologizing, should he?

All: Nope.

“Why are you here sir?” I asked curiously.
“I am here to find you.” The man told.

Kätchen: So much for not stalking her, then.

My heart fell and leapt at the same time that moment.

Eowyn (as the main character): Yes! A dirty old man again! I feel soooo good!
Pippin: Isn’t it odd that after a whole chapter about her oh so speshul life and personality we still don’t know her name?
Faramir: I really don’t care about it. She could be named Hubba Bubba for all that I care.
(All exit.)

"Ha! Wonnige Glut! Leuchtender Glanz!
Strahlend nun offen steht mir die Straße.
Im Feuer mich baden!"
- Siegfried, Act Three, Scene Two.
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Caranthol
Member Avatar
At Journey's End
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Chapter 2: You Have Go to Be Kidding?

Pippin: Exactly my reaction after the first chapter.

“I am here to find you.” The man told. My jaw dropped.
“What!” I almost shouted. The old man covered my mouth.

Eowyn (as the old man): It is not nice to interrupt, young lady.

“Not so loud!” He hissed. I nodded and he let go.
“We must take our leave. I will explain it to you when we’re alone.”

Faramir: The perfect way to build trust, I must say.

The old man took my hand and led me toward the sharp, pointy stakes that kept you out of the cemetery garden.

Kätchen: She didn’t fight him? Is she five or what, to trust strangers so easily?I, at least, would have kicked him at the balls.

“No! You can’t go in…” But he did. Except, it wasn’t in the stakes that we dove into, it was some sort of portal-like black hole.
“O HOLY FUBBERNUGGETS!”

Pippin: What’s a fubbernugget?
Kraut (shrugs): I don’t know and I doubt even Kuragari does.


I yelled as we jumped into the portal, that’s what I’ll call it for now. We, somehow, landed near a house, but no regular house. This house was built into a hill!

Pippin: Sounds homely. Oh, how I miss my hole…

“Wow! I want to know the decorator.” The house was beautiful, but I didn’t know what was inside either. Inside it was even more beautiful. There was a fancy old chandelier, some rugs, and a lot of mahogany wood.

Kätchen: Except that mahogany couldn’t have been used in Middle-Earth, seeing it’s an American tree.
Kraut: Hey, don’t be so picky. They have also potatoes and tobacco, remember?


The man ducked before he walked into the small house, but I am not the smart type,

Faramir: I think it’s obvious by now.
Eowyn: Not smart? But she could do anything, at least according to her friends.
Faramir: Well, lies are lies.


and I didn’t see him do that. I ran into the top part of the outside of the house, and that hurt with a BANG.
“Ow!” I yelled. The old man pulled me into the house quickly.
“Shh! What did I tell you? You have to be secretive!” The man hissed again.

Pippin: If that isn’t suspicious I don’t know what is.

“One, I will not be secretive if I don’t know who the hell you are. Two, why do I have to be secretive?” I whispered.

Kätchen: A bit late moment to demand explanations, hmm?

“Are you done?” The man asked politely. I nodded. I was only goofy when I wanted to be.

Kraut: I wonder who wants to be that.

I was, however, in every honors class in my school.

Faramir: Huh? That cries ‘Mary Sue’ up to the very heaven!

“Okay. Now, sit down. Would you like some tea?” The man asked, as if it were brunch time.

Pippin: Maybe it was. (Stroking his belly) I’m hungry!

“Uh, no. I think I’ll pass.” I replied. The man poured himself some tea as I sat down at the tiny table. This house looked as if it were decorated for dwarves, or as my mother called them, half lings.

Kätchen: Half Lings? Chopped Chinese? Yuck!
Kraut: It was a mortuary!


The man sat across from me. He sipped his tea and began to talk.
“I may be babbling, but you need to hear all of this.” The old man started.
“Wait. First off, what is your name, and where are we?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“I was getting to that. I am Gandalf the Grey,

Eowyn: How come I am not surprised?

and I am a wizard, that’s why I am dressed this way.” He spoke.
“Ha! A wizard? Yeah right!” I laughed. The man kept a straight face.
“You’re serious?” I asked in an unbelievable tone.
“Yes. And I know it’s hard to believe from your time, but it’s true. Will you let me continue?” Gandalf asked. I nodded; I saw that he was getting irritated.

Faramir: As he well could have, after you laughed at his face.

“Okay.

Pippin: Gandalf does NOT use the word ‘okay’.

Now…I have been watching you for some time now. I have noticed that you are very, how you say, unique.

Kraut: Indeed she must be if they have heard of her even in Middle-Earth.

Well, I know you want to know why. Don’t you?” Now I could talk.
“Yes, more than you know.” I answered.
“Well, it’s because you’re an elf.” Gandalf said with no hesitation.

All (stare.)
Faramir: Please, Mithrandir, say that you are jesting…


My eyes opened wide. He had to be telling the truth.

Eowyn: Based on what proof save his own words?

“Wait a minute. You have told me one thing, but this is nuts! I have had no proof you’re a wizard.” I exhaled. Gandalf merely nodded and picked up his staff. He whispered something, and his staff suddenly shown with light.

Kätchen (as Gandalf): These electric torches are amazing nowadays. They come in any shape you could wish.

“Okay, that I now believe, but me and elf?” I questioned.
“Why don’t you see for yourself. There, look into that mirror.” He pointed to the mirror above the mantle. Oh, and the tea was made in a kettle in a fireplace. I slowly stood so my head wouldn’t hit the ceiling and I crouched over to the mirror. The reflection I saw was myself, but my ears were pointed, like an elf.

Kraut: Wow, that’s a fast work from a plastic surgeon!

I reached for my ears and gasped.
“But how?” I flung around in shock.
“When you came into this time, you changed into your true form. Remember the medallion you always wore?"

Pippin: Now that explains everything. Or not.

He questioned. I could only nod gayly,

Kraut (chuckling): Hehehe.
Kätchen (with a sigh): Grow up, Joachim.


shocked from everything that had just hit my brain like a bolt of lightening, although I somehow had the common knowledge to look down and gaze at my medallion. Go figure!

Eowyn: There’s nothing special to figure. I don’t know how it appears to you but usually using the muscles of one’s neck is no great feat.

"The necklace was the key to get you here,

Faramir (confused): If that is so, how did Mithrandir then get in Manhattan?
Pippin: Don’t even try to figure that out. It would only result in serious damage.


and I supposed it held even more powers than I thought. You will understand in time that it is not the necklace that was important, but yourself. I watched you to see if you were our answer, and after, as you call, "stalking" you for a few days, I found that you are the person we need.

Kraut: How about the Fellowship, Rangers, Gondorians and sundry other good peoples from Middle-Earth proper. No one of them could be of use?

But what I found odd about you at first is your hair.” Gandalf retorted.
“What’s wrong with my hair?” I swung around to look into the mirror, but my hair was like normal. I turned to him.
“Nothing, nothing at all! It’s just that elves have mainly blonde hair.” Gandalf explained.

Kätchen: He’s obviously senile or blind in this. Umm, mister Faramir, don’t Elves have a dark hair?
Faramir: That is so.


“Then, why don’t I?” I asked.

Eowyn: Because you are special and stuff.

This all started to make sense.

Pippin: No, it doesn’t.

“I do not know, although I was certain that your hair would have changed when we arrived."

Kätchen: Really, don’t they have better things to discuss about? I don’t think Gandalf dragged her to Middle-Earth just to babble about her hair!

He scratched his chin and shrugged after his moments of thought. "Nothing can be for certain at the moment, but I do know that you need to know that you're in danger here. This world is not like your own. Take heed. You must leave in a few minutes. I must explain to you what danger you will be in if you choose to be a part of this.” Gandalf warned.

Kraut (as Gandalf): Well, you may die from an Orkish arrow or sword, or the Balrog may take you as a snack. Really nothing to be worried about.

“Danger? Into what?” I asked, and my heart told me to be a part in this,

Faramir: Suicidal tendencies seem to run in the blood of these Sues and Stus.

so I knew even if he told me, I’d be willing.
“There is a war between good and evil. There is an evil being trying to get a hold of a powerful ring.

Eowyn (claps her hands): And the award for the Most Vague Description of the Year goes to…
Pippin (imitates a trumpet fanfare.)
Eowyn (as if handing a trophy): Kuragari91!


The ring is being guarded and carried by a close friend of mine. He is a half ling, which here is called a hobbit.

Pippin: Oh.
Kätchen: Halfling, damn it! It’s one word, not two.


This ring, if gotten into the wrong hands, can destroy the world. I want you to help protect the ring and it’s bearer. Will you continue on this quest?” Gandalf requested, slowly and bravely.

Kraut: I think ‘foolhardy’ would be better word for taking a Sue into the Fellowship.

You have to be kidding?,

Eowyn (as Gandalf): Yeah, I am. Isn’t it funny?

I thought, but I nodded nonetheless. What was I getting myself into?

Pippin: Hopefully into an early grave.

I love to write, and this is one of my stories I love that I'm just writing off the top of my head.

Kätchen: And that shows.

Please, please comment!

Kraut: Don’t worry, we will.
Pippin: And after all this drama we still don't know her fricking name!
(All exit.)

"Ha! Wonnige Glut! Leuchtender Glanz!
Strahlend nun offen steht mir die Straße.
Im Feuer mich baden!"
- Siegfried, Act Three, Scene Two.
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Caranthol
Member Avatar
At Journey's End
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Chapter 3: I’m New
“So, now you must come with me.” Gandalf ordered. He took my arm, dragged me outside, and led me to the backyard.

Kätchen (incredulously): Wow, Gandalf is acting more like a rapist than a wizard.
Kraut: Don’t even mention that possibility.


He guided me through a garden and then some kind of farm land. It seemed like forever.
“We’re almost to the point.” Gandalf explained.
“What point?” I asked. He wasn’t holding on to me anymore. I ran after him.
“I must leave you to follow Frodo.”

Faramir: Oh, no! At least Kalan started to mess with the story only after Rivendell.

Gandalf replied. He started to speed ahead of me.

Eowyn: Were they having a running competition or what?

Wait, I was behind an OLD MAN!

Pippin (as the narrator): And realizing that, my ego shattered to pieces.

I to sped up and caught up with him, but once I did, I slammed into his back; he had stopped.

Kraut: Time to buy glasses, sweetie.

“Ow!” I cried.
“Sorry! You should have been warned.” Gandalf retorted.
“Ya think?” I asked eyes wide. He ignored that comment.
“You must head down that road, but stay off of it.” Gandalf heeded.
“Follow the road? Like The Wizard of Oz?” I asked, my blonde moment appeared.

Kätchen: Well, she DID want to be a blonde, didn’t she?

“Uh, I don’t know of what you speak. But you must go, now! Please hurry!” Gandalf pushed me onto the road. And with that, he disappeared into a cloud of smoke.

Faramir (as Gandalf): I knew I should have extinguished my pipe before putting it into my pocket…

His voice flew with the wind.
“You must stay off the road!” And the voice was gone. I jumped off the road and stared at the place the old man once stood.
“What a weird man.”

Eowyn: Indeed. Not a bit like Gandalf.

I said to myself. I looked ahead. “Well, I must do what I said.” I then started to walk on. After what seemed like an hour, a strange gust of wind blew past me and a chill went up my spine. I heard some voices ahead. I ran once I heard even the faintest whisper.
Finally! People!, I thought. I ran ahead to find four short men, and when I mean short, I MEAN SHORT!

All (sigh irritably.)
Pippin: Kuragari, is that your idea of humour? If so, please don’t plan for the career as a comedian.


One was looking to the other direction as the other three scavenged at a tree.
“What an odd thing to do.” I said out loud, not meaning for it to be heard.

Kätchen: Then you should have only thought it.

All of the short men, from what I remembered Gandalf called them hobbits, shot there attention at my direction.
“Who are you?”

Kraut: Actually I would like to know that, too.

One of the one’s at the tree stood. He had blonde hair

Eowyn: Which, from what I have heard, was quite rare among hobbits.
Kätchen: What is this, an Aryan version of Middle-Earth?


and I noticed, another one, that was still sitting, looked similar to him.
“Um…I’m…” But I was cut off by the hobbit that seemed to be like the leader, who shouted,
“Get off the road! GET OFF THE ROAD!” And the hobbits grabbed my arms and pulled me off the road and under a tree. A second later, there was a shrill cry from the distance. This cry made me shake, but not in fear, but in anger.

Faramir: She IS suicidal!
Pippin: Please, miss Sue, do try and fight the Nazgûl. That would make a pleasant ending for this story.
Kätchen: Yeah, for once I would cheer the baddies.


Another minute past and all the hobbits slowly looked up, so I followed their motions. Up above us was a dark and evil figure that wore black, what seemed like rags.

Kraut: ‘Robes’, not ‘rags’.

He, if it was a he, had no face, but a black hole where his hood fell over what was supposed to be his face. I almost screamed, but both blonde hobbits held my mouth.

All (snicker.)
Pippin: Seems no one wants her to talk.
Kätchen: Keep it that way, Kuragari.


I peered over to the leader hobbit, who slowly took a ring on a chain, out from under his shirt. The dark figure jumped off of its horse, which the horse seemed to be dead, and yet it was alive. The leader hobbit was about to put on the ring, as the dark rider, I’ll call him, kneeled down, and was about a foot above me! Talk about scary, and this guy was WAY beyond the scary point.

Eowyn (confusedly): So you were not scared but angry but you still were scared… (Throwing her hands up) I’ll give up!

You know when someone jumps out at you and how your heart stops for a second, well; my heart stayed like that the whole time the dark rider was in my presence.

Kraut: So you are dead. The End.

The other hobbit, the one I haven’t described,

Pippin: Obviously Sam. As a servant and being not cute, he was not worthy of description.

grabbed the leading hobbits hand to stop him from putting on that ring. Once the ring was away from the hobbit’s finger, the dark rider got back on its horse and rode away. A minute later, the hobbits got up and pulled me from under the very tight tree.
The leading hobbit, with the ring that seemed to draw me to it, concealed the ring. All the hobbits faced me, and they were so cute!

All: Awww.

They were half my size.

Faramir: And you were about eight feet tall?

“Who are you?” The one who asked me earlier asked again.
“Aye!” The other blonde one spoke.

Pippin: Since when have I been a Scotsman?
Kraut: Since the movies.


“Um…I’m Shadow.

Kätchen: Hobbits, you heard that. She is an enemy! Kill her!

I was sent here…” But the leading it turned to look the other direction into the woods.

Eowyn (as Frodo): And I am supposed to care?

“You are so bothered? Why so? Oh, you must be Frodo!” I rhymed and didn’t mean to!

Pippin: Don’t plan to become a poet, either.

The hobbit turned my way with a questionable face.

Faramir: If you don’t like Frodo’s face, that’s your business. You don’t have to tell that to us.
Kraut: Er, I think it should be ‘questioning’.


“How do you know my name?” He asked, he had a darkness upon him, and it was a powerful darkness.

Kätchen (singing): Baby light my fire…

“Well, Gandalf sent me.” I explained.
“Gandalf? Why did he send you?”

Eowyn: That’s what we wonder, too.

The other hobbit, the one who stopped the other lead hobbit from the ring asked. I will call that hobbit the fat one.

Pippin (laughing): Yep, it’s Sam!

“I have no on earthly idea. But I do know I’m here to help guard a guy named Frodo and some sort of magical ring.” I answered, in a unknowing kind of tone.

Faramir: I think Gandalf could have chosen better. Maybe someone who has even the slightest clue of what’s going on.

“You? Why you?”

Kätchen (thoughtfully): I must admit that the hobbits ask excellent questions.

The blonde hobbit asked, not the twin one, and the twin one seemed to be the goofy one.
“Hey! I don’t know! Why not me?” I asked in offense.

Kraut: Because you know nothing and are as stupid as a rock.
Faramir (stroking the bridge of his nose): The more I think about it the more I have to wonder why Gandalf didn't go himself if he was in the Shire and knew where the hobbits were.


“You’re a girl!” He replied.

Pippin: Well, that’s a valid point, too.
Eowyn: Ahem!
Pippin (timidly): But you were an exception that proves the rule. No offence.


“So?” I said, I glowered over him.
“I am Frodo. Gandalf must have a reason for this. We must not linger.” Frodo ordered. He started to walk off.
“Wait!” I called after him.
“What?” He asked.
“What are their names?” I asked as if they weren’t there.

Faramir (sarcastically): Which was extremely civil and considerate from you.

“Hey! We can tell you!” The other blonde one shouted, the funny one.

Pippin (frowning): I guess that must be me.
Kätchen: Yup. The portrayal as a hyper-active kid kind of gives it away.
Pippin (mutters): One stupid mistake and what I get? Abuse, only abuse.


“Okay then. What are your names?” I asked.
“I’m Pippin.” The funny one responded.

Kätchen (dryly): What a surprise.

“I am Merry.” The other blonde announced.

Kraut: Lo and behold! See the world’s first Third Reich style hobbits!

“And I am Sam, Samwise Gamgee.” The fat hobbit said, and he offered me his hand. I shook it.
“Nice to meet you all. You may call me Shadow or Shade.” I offered.
“You are most beautiful.” Sam said to me, he stared at me like I was the sky.

Pippin (shaking his head): Sam, Sam, you must hope Rosie doesn’t hear of this…

“Thank you!” I smiled to that. Frodo just walked on. I ran up, or may I say, down to him. Hehehehe!

All (look embarrassed.)
Faramir (boredly): Ha ha ha. So funny, so damn funny.


“Where are we going? I need to be informed. I am new here and all.” I told him. The other hobbits followed.
“What do you mean by new?” Frodo paused.
“Gandalf pulled me through a portal. I’m from some different time.” I explained.

Eowyn (surprised): You seriously think they are going to believe that?
Kätchen: She lies about her name, but tells them she’s from another time or world? Where is the logic?
Kraut: It finally got frustrated and tendered its resignation.


“You’re what!” Frodo asked in surprise.
“Yup! Now, where are we going?” I demanded.
“We are going to the Prancing Pony.” Frodo finally gave in.

Faramir: How about Rivendell, then? I don’t think the point of Frodo’s departure was to have an excuse to drink ale in Bree.

He wasn’t the easiest guy to have a conversation with, or was it me?

Pippin: It was you, believe me.
Kraut: Shadow, if a guy has the fate of the whole world to worry about he probably won’t chat merrily all the time.


I know it's long, but I know this is going to be long.

Kätchen (shuddering): Was that a promise or a threat?

Please review!

All: Hell NO!
(All exit.)
"Ha! Wonnige Glut! Leuchtender Glanz!
Strahlend nun offen steht mir die Straße.
Im Feuer mich baden!"
- Siegfried, Act Three, Scene Two.
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Caranthol
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At Journey's End
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

------

I’m sorry if I miss some scenes.

Faramir: Oh, it’s nothing. At least you don’t ruin them all.

Chapter 4: The Prancing Pony and a Man Named Strider
“How far is it?” I complained.

Eowyn: A bit over a journey of one day, so it’s of no use to get impatient.

I was at the end of the group. There was a sudden gust of wind. A shrill cry came from behind them; when I turned around, not far from them sat a dark rider on his dead horse.

Pippin: The horse was not dead, you know.

“Frodo! Run!” I yelled. All hobbits turned to see the dark rider and they all began to run. They ran, Frodo stumbling. Sam, Merry, and Pippin ran and jumped onto a ferry. I ran in front Frodo to guard him.

Kätchen (dryly): Very smart if the danger was behind Frodo.

“Come on you two! Jump!” Sam called. Merry and Pippin were yelling for them to jump also. Once at the edge, Frodo jumped and the ferry had started to float away. I had to leap far to get onto the ferry. Her lower body landed in the water as she held onto the side.

All (rub their eyes.)
Kraut: I really hate these POV changes.


The dark rider had missed her from not too much. The hobbits pulled me up onto the ferry and I lay on my back panting.
“That was close!” Merry spoke.
“Too close.” I said between breaths. The ferry sailed on until it came upon land. Sam docked the ferry and tied it to the dock. The hobbits jumped onto the dock and I followed.
They walked further on until they came upon a gigantic gate.

Pippin: The Buckland Gate?

“We’re here, stop complaining.” Frodo answered. It was raining and they all wore ponchos.

Kätchen: They are called cloaks, more properly.
Kraut: I'm getting a bit confused. First the hobbits are blonde Aryans and at the next moment they are Mexicans. What next, a turban?


They walked up to the huge gate’s door and Frodo knocked on it. A man opened a peeping slot-hole and saw me, who pointed downward to the hobbits.

Faramir: They are already in Bree? But… The Old Forest, the Barrow-downs… Where did they disappear?
Eowyn: Well, Kuragari said she would miss a scene or two.


The man shut the slot and opened the one at the hobbits’ level.
“Who goes there?” The man called.
“I am Tom Underhill and these are my friends. We are here to meet Gandalf the Grey at the Prancing Pony.” Frodo gave a white lie. The man closed the slot and opened the door.
“Ah! Welcome! Sorry to ask about that, but we have to be extra careful around here if ya know what I’m sayin?” The man told Frodo.

Kätchen (as Frodo): No, I don’t know. Maybe I would if you used proper language.

“Yes, I believe we do. Do you know if Gandalf has arrived yet?” Frodo asked.
“Uh, no. I’ve been stationed out here all night and I have not yet seen him. If he arrives, I’ll tell ‘im you’re here.” The man said. So the hobbits and I ran into the pub.

Pippin: Is everybody in this story training for a marathon?

They slipped off their ponchos and hung them up. Merry and Pippin were delighted to see there were alcoholic beverages.

Kraut (as Pippin): Yes! Now we can drown the memory of the fact we’re in a shitty fanfic!
Pippin (as Merry): Well said! Time to get roaring drunk.


They ran to a table and sat down, watching the others drink their beers and such. Frodo went to the bar and gathered five beers. He brought them to the table where they all sat.
“Wow! Real beer! Nice!” I excitedly said. She had never had beer. Once I gulped some of it, it spewed out of my mouth.

Faramir: Tip for the first-timers: Drink only small gulps at a time, beer really can foam.

“Yuck! This stuff is revolting!”

Pippin: So are you, too.

I spat. The hobbits laughed at me.

Eowyn: As do we.

Frodo ceased his laughing and glanced over the room. In the corner of the room, sat a hooded figure. I saw him too. Once the bartender

Kätchen: Also known as Barliman Butterbur.

came over to ask if they needed anything else, Frodo asked, “Who’s that hooded man?”
“Oh! Many say he’s a rider from the North.

Kraut: Ranger. R-a-n-g-e-r.

Dark man he is. They call him Strider.” The bartender answered and walked back to the bar.
“Wow! He sure is creepy.”

Faramir: Not any creepier than you, miss Mary Sue.

I exclaimed. Merry had gotten up to get and pint of beer. He came and sat back down.
“You’re disgusting!” I growled.

Eowyn (as Merry): Are you my wife or mother? No? Then shut up and let me drink as I please.

Merry took a swig of his drink, and Pippin noticed.
“They have them in pints? I’m gettin’ one.” Pippin trotted over to the bar. I watched as he started to talk to the other men. The subject of the ring had come up.

Pippin: What it didn’t in reality.

Frodo watched Strider as I listened in on Pippin. Suddenly, Pippin started to talk louder.
“Yeah! I know Frodo Baggins! He’s my cousin! He’s right over there.”

Pippin: Hey! I am not an idiot!

Pippin pointed to Frodo who turned to see.
“Pippin, no!” I yelled. I ran to Pippin and pulled him away from the bar. Frodo had pulled out the ring

Kraut (sarcastically): A fine moment to admire bling.

and someone had bumped it out of his hands. Frodo leapt to the ground on his back and the ring slipped on his finger. A group was crowded around him before he slipped on the ring. Frodo disappeared! Strider had been watching the whole time; he had gotten up and grabbed the invisible hobbit.

Kätchen: He is a Nazgûl! How else he could see Frodo?

He dragged Frodo up the stairs in the back. Strider pulled Frodo into a room and slammed the door behind them. Frodo made himself visible again.
“What a reckless thing to do! You exposed yourself!” Strider yelled.

Faramir (as Frodo): I didn’t! I still have my clothes on, haven’t I?

Frodo only stood there.
“You could have been in danger! You probably are now!” Strider said with a calmer voice.
“Who are you?” Frodo asked. There was a sudden knock at the door. Strider walked to the door and opened it to reveal the hobbits and I were holding up what weapons they had.
“You better not hurt Frodo!” Sam bellowed. Strider merely chuckled.
“How brave you all are. Yet you’re in so much danger.” Strider pointed out. He let Frodo’s friends in and shut the door.

Eowyn: Obviously leaving the Sue outside.
Pippin: Strider is the smart one.


He walked over and peered out the window.
“Why would an elf be traveling along with hobbits?”

Kraut: An excellent question.

Strider asked, not looking to me.
“I am on strict business.” I glowered. Strider turned to me.
“Where is Gandalf?” Frodo asked.
“He is not coming. He has had an inconvenience.”

Kätchen: Well, he must have got some bad burns if he ‘disappeared in a cloud of smoke’.

Strider explained.
“Who the hell are you?” I glared at Strider.

Faramir (as Aragorn): Funny, I thought it was I who should ask that from you.

“I am Aragorn. I was sent here for Gandalf’s part.” The man spoke. “We must hurry. The nazgul are coming!” Aragorn rushed them out of the room after making a few preparations.
About an hour later, the hobbits lay in the same bed as I sat on the other side of the room while Aragorn peered out the window. Frodo had gotten up and sat on the edge of the bed. He seemed to stare off in the distance.

Kätchen: Well, it is the movie version of Frodo, after all.

A moment later, a familiar cry came from outside. The riders, or nazgul, weren’t far away.
At the gate, the man opened the slot, but he didn’t see anything more, for the nazgul had trampled over the door and the man was squished underneath it! That poor man!

Kraut: I wouldn’t be too sorry. Harry Goatleaf was a villain, at least in the books.

The nazgul strode into the pub,

Faramir (as Nazgûl number 1): Hey, bartender! A double whiskey and fast!
Eowyn (as Nazgûl number 2): A dry martini for me, please. Shaken, not stirred.
Faramir (as Nazgûl number 1): Snob.
Kätchen (as Nazgûl number 2): My name is Easterling, Khamûl the Easterling.


the bartender hiding, and went up the stairs. The nazgul broke open the door from which the group once was.

All: Huh?
Pippin: Did anybody understand the latter part of that sentence?
Kraut: Nope.


The nazgul saw lumps in the bed that looked as if hobbits were sleeping in it. They surrounded the bad;

Faramir: Why was Shadow in the middle of them?

swords pointed down about the stab the hobbits. Suddenly, they all stabbed the bad, each about three times until feathers appeared instead of blood. Aragorn had saved them! The nazgul cried. Merry, Sam, and Pippin bolted up once they heard the cries.
“I think they’re angry.” I laughed. Aragorn actually smiled to that.

Eowyn (as Aragorn): It’s actually amusing when she tries that badly to be funny.

They ran out of the Prancing Pony and ran back into the darkness. Aragorn then took them out and into the other side-forest.

Pippin: Aragorn guided the Nazgûl? Now that’s an interesting twist to the story.

They were to walk more, which I wasn’t happy about.

I know it's not that great,

Kätchen: It’s nice you realize that. How about you scrapped this thing?

but I haven't seen the movies sense forever!

Kraut: The movies, the movies… Have you heard about books? Those things with paper and letters printed on them?

Please review!

Faramir: No.
(All exit.)
"Ha! Wonnige Glut! Leuchtender Glanz!
Strahlend nun offen steht mir die Straße.
Im Feuer mich baden!"
- Siegfried, Act Three, Scene Two.
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Caranthol
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At Journey's End
Disclaimer: See chapter 1.

Chapter 5: Weathertop

“How far?” I complained. They had been walking for two days now.
“Shade! Stop your complaining! There’s almost a day ahead of us.”

Eowyn: This is some mini-version of Middle-Earth. It was six days from Bree to Weathertop, if I remember the Red Book correctly.

Aragorn replied. I hate walking.

Kraut: Too bad you are in a world without cars. Just live with it, you spoiled brat.

I groaned. The hobbits just smiled at me. They found me very comical.

Kätchen: No wonder in that. Though personally I find you very annoying, too.

For two days, I had been moaning, because I had;

Pippin: No, you hadn’t to. You could always have kept quiet.

tree branches whipped in my face, I tripped over tree roots, I ran into trees, and about every other kind of damage a tree could do to you.

Faramir: Even the trees hate her. Nice.

The hobbits just laughed at me clumsiness.
“I’ve never seen an elf as clumsy as you.” Aragorn had remarked.

Eowyn: And was absolutely right.
Pippin: Shadow, are you sure you really are an elf? Perhaps Gandalf only pulled your leg.


I just rolled her eyes and walked ahead of them. Every few minutes, I mumbled loud enough to hear, “Are we there yet?”

Kraut: And she was a teenager? More like a three-year-old if you ask me.

Frodo became annoyed quickly.

Kätchen: Frodo, we feel your pain.

He was getting bitten by bugs the sizes of footballs, and I would cease to shut up.

Faramir: Bugs of that size or the company of Shadow? Hmmm… The bugs, any day.
Eowyn: Poor Frodo, he has to endure both.


At least they were covered by humongous trees that shaded them; but I found no happiness in running into spider webs

Pippin: Huh? It was an open pine forest in Eriador, not Mirkwood.

that the men had avoided so they could find something to humor themselves with.
“Guys! Stop it!” I grumbled. About a day later, like Aragorn had calculated, they came upon a gigantic rocky, hellish, terrain.
“Ah! Weathertop! It is a sit!” Sam exclaimed.
“Yeah, a sit for the blind! What’s so great about it?” I found nothing beautiful about this Weathertop place.
“It’s amongst the most amazing structural terrains that wasn’t made by humans nor any other creatures.

Kraut: Is this Sam for real? Peregrin, did he show an interest in geology or architecture?
Pippin (shrugs): I doubt he would even know what those words mean.


It’s a wonder!” Sam explained.
“I just see a rocky old hill!” I said, moving on.
“Well, you’ll like it because it’s a resting spot.” Aragorn said, walking ahead of me.
“Now that’s what I call good reason to like this place.” I smiled.
The hobbits laughed, even Aragorn broke a smile.

Kätchen (as Aragorn): Poor retard, we must humour her until we may leave her somewhere.

So they started to climb the mountain-like hill. I had no problems with climbing things, so I just swiftly neared the top. I waited at the top for about thirty minutes before Aragorn finally got there.

Faramir: So first she’s not a great hiker and now she beats a Ranger in climbing?
Eowyn: Maybe she’s a squirrel or something.


“Finally!” I expressed, standing up from where I was sitting. I sat under a cave-like impression, which Aragorn was aiming to go to.
“Be quiet! I paced myself.” Aragorn lied.

Pippin: In reality he wanted to say: “Thirty minutes without your whining is like thirty minutes in Heaven.”

“Uh-huh?” I said, arms crossed.
Merry and Pippin came next; then Sam, which I helped up, and Frodo took up the rear. Frodo looked tired and raged.

Kätchen: Slowly, Frodo, slowly. It’s not worth the trouble to get angry over a moaning Sue.

“Are you okay?” I asked, I was meant to watch out for him after all.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” Frodo just went and sat against the wall. He seemed to fall asleep. Sam had started a fire, as Aragorn went to gather wood and food.

Kraut: Food? What food can you find on a bare, rocky hill?
Faramir: Beetles? Or snakes?
Kraut: Yuck.


Frodo woke up to find the hobbits cooking their vegetables.
“Put the fire out! Put it out!” Frodo yelled.
“Hey! I was cooking those!” Sam griped. I just sat back and watched. Suddenly, a familiar cry filled the air.
“Oh no!” I said, jumping up. The nazgul were coming. I looked across the terrain and saw them heading their way.
“We must get to higher ground! Quick!” I ordered. The hobbits ran ahead of me. The got to the top of Weathertop, and they stood in a circle, backs faced in. They hid Frodo in the back of the group, for that’s what the nazgul were after.
It did not take them long to show themselves either. They came from all around. Aragorn had told her earlier about the nine men who were turned into the walking dead. All nine were there.

Pippin: No, they were not. There were five of them. Or is this after that movie thing again?
Kraut: Yeah.


They all grouped up around the group of friends, the way they grouped up around the bed at the Prancing Pony.

Kätchen: I only wonder how do you know that, Shadow? Were you watching them in Bree or what?

They got ready to fight and lunged at the front hobbits, Merry and Pippin, who gladly lunged right back. Frodo held up Sting,

Eowyn: Wrong. He held the blade from the barrow. Read the book, Kuragari.

his sword that glew blue if orks were around, from what Sam had told her. Sam and I were next. I was given a dagger from Aragorn. I dove at the nazgul, swiping every which-a-way. I smelled the foul, dead smell that lurked upon the nazgul.

Faramir: Seems Sauron paid them badly if they couldn’t afford soap and perfumes.
Pippin: Being an evil henchman can be troublesome at times, it seems.


Frodo looked terrified. He was attacked by the one that wore a crown, which was the King. Aragorn came running up Weathertop and attacked two, while the King threw Frodo’s sword to the ground. He had just cornered Frodo who had appeared from being invisible, when Aragorn caught my nazguls on fire and I bounded to Frodo. The nazgul had bolted his sword at Frodo, when I jumped in front of the blade.

Kätchen (clapping her hands): Keep it up, Shadow! Maybe we’ll get rid of you.
Kraut: She’s stealing Frodo’s role? (Thinking for a while) Now where have I seen that before? (Shudders) Oh crap… Rosa…


“Ahh!” I yelled in pain. The sword felt like fire burning my arm off.

Pippin: Strange, to Frodo it was like being stabbed with ice.

I was laying on cold stone, looking up to see a glorious, friendly face. My eyes searched Frodo for any injuries, and sure enough, the nazgul that had seriously harmed me had somehow cut Frodo's arm.

Faramir: So now you are both injured? Shadow, do you seriously call that ‘looking after Frodo’?

He held is arm as if it were on fire, hissing, but he was at my side. I moaned in pain as I heard Sam, Pippin, and Merry guarded both Frodo and me. This was going all wrong!

Eowyn: Yes, it is. Ever since you came to Middle-Earth things definitely haven’t been right.

I was sent to protect them, not the other way around! I was supposed to help Frodo, not make things worse!

Pippin (curtly): Tough.

I felt hot tears pour down my face as I watched Aragorn scare all the nazgul away with his fire lit torch. Frodo pulled my head onto his lap.
“Shade! Shade! No! Why’d you do that?” Frodo yelled, angry and frightened.

Kraut (as Frodo): Why didn’t you just die?

“I’m your friend. That’s what friends do.” I hissed in pain. Aragorn got rid of the nazgul, and all my friends ran to my side.

Kätchen: Those lying flatterers from Manhattan? Do they also have magical trinkets?
Eowyn: Mistress Sturm, I think she means the hobbits and Aragorn.
Kätchen: Oh. But hey! Since when have they been her friends? I haven’t seen a single sign of anything else but scorn this far.


“Shade!” The hobbits cried. They were scared; I was terrified.

Faramir (as Aragorn): Great, now everyone is panicking and two of them are injured. What should I do? Hmm, what if I just quitted this all and returned to Bree? Let the Sue handle this.

Aragorn picked me up and carried me bridal style through the woods.

Eowyn: Shadow, I hope you understand he already had a fiancée. So no wedding bells for you two.

He ran, with the hobbits trailing behind, when he met up with a female elf.

Kraut (irritated): I wonder what exactly is wrong with Glorfindel? First Peter Jackson cuts him from the movies and now every bad fanfic has Arwen in his stead.
Pippin: Lady Arwen replacing Glorfindel? Who is this Peter Jackson? A runaway from a lunatic asylum?


The hobbits caught up and heard him talk elfish to the woman.
“What are they saying?” Sam asked.
“I don’t know.” Frodo answered. My eyes were clouded and had black seeping into them. Aragorn placed her on top of the elf’s horse and started to talk English

Kätchen: Westron, more likely.
Faramir: Now when I think about it, isn’t it strange how Shadow understands all that is said to her even though she appears to know nothing of Middle-Earth?
Eowyn: Oh well, in any case that is among the smallest problems in this ‘story’.


to the woman when she mounted the horse. I was unconscious, the poison from the blade penetrating her.
“Ride fast Arwen. They will come after you!” Aragorn had smacked the horses behind

Kätchen: I love the TV show “Smack the Pony”!
Kraut: Yeah, you have said so about thousand times.


and said something else elfish as the woman rode off with me.
“No! Where’s she taking Shade?” Frodo yelled.

Pippin (as Frodo): But it was supposed to be me who was taken! Arwen, come back!

“She can save her. We are to go to Rivendell.” Aragorn said, and they started walking in the direction the woman went.

Faramir (sarcastically): That must be the zenith of logic. Arwen just let the Ring-Bearer to rot behind, wounded, and rode off with a clumsy, useless teen? Please.

Arwen, from what Aragorn said, rode on through trees until she heard the shrill cry and the nazgul had caught up to her.

Eowyn: Hey, wait a minute! Why are they trying to catch the Sue? It’s the Ring they want, not a stupid cry-baby.
Pippin (as a Nazgûl): To hell with the orders! I'll kill that annoying Thing before doing anything else! Even my nerves have limits.


She rode on, zigzagging into the trees,

Eowyn: Ouch! Poor horse!
Kraut: Wow, it must have been made from steel if it could go through trees!


as the nazgul tried to grab me. Arwen scrapped her face against a branch, as I looked at one of the, I will start to call them ringwraiths since Aragorn had told me that’s what they were also called, ringwraiths with a homely look.

Kätchen: Homely? Well, there is no accounting of tastes.

Arwen leapt ahead of them and came to a river. She galloped on into the river when the ringwraiths stopped before they hit the water and cried.

Pippin (as a ringwraith): Boo-hoo! I don’t wanna get wet!

Arwen looked around in panic before she thought of something.

Faramir (as Arwen): Maybe I can get away if I throw Shadow to them…

“If you want her, come and claim her!” Arwen yelled. The ringwraiths looked at each other, if there was anything to look at,

All (false, bored laughter.)

and then trudged on after Arwen. She began to recite an elfish incantation. The water came flooding down the river, and it looked as if the water were made of horse spirits. The water flooded over the ringwraiths as Arwen climbed to land. She set me on the ground and called out to me.
“Oh Shade! Don’t leave me! Stay with me! Stay awake.” Arwen called. I saw her coming to me like a dream, but she was glowing and calling to me, and then I blacked out.

Kätchen: For good, I hope.
Kraut: Next stop: Hell. Only oneway tickets available.


I know there might be mistakes in this story,

Kraut: Oh, really?
Pippin: The first and worst mistake being that you ever sat down to write this.


but bear with me. Please review!

Eowyn: Whatever. I, at least, am leaving this room now.
(All exit.)
"Ha! Wonnige Glut! Leuchtender Glanz!
Strahlend nun offen steht mir die Straße.
Im Feuer mich baden!"
- Siegfried, Act Three, Scene Two.
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Caranthol
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At Journey's End
Disclaimer: See chapter 1.

Chapter 6: Rivendell and the Council Meeting

My eyelids were heavy than I had ever felt in my life. I opened them to find too bright of light. I pulled my arm up to guard my eyes from the sun, but that hurt my arm.
"Ow!" I howled.
"Ah, she awakens!" A familiar old voice called out. I blinked, adjusting my eyes to the light.
"Gandalf? Is that you?" I asked,

Kätchen (as the familiar voice): No, it’s me, Santa Claus!

and it truely was, the blurry figure cleared out and there sat Gandalf next to me.
"Aye." Gandalf answered.
"What day is this?"

Kraut (as Gandalf): It doesn’t matter, since it is your last anyway. Say your prayers. Mwahahahaha!

I asked, sitting up slowly. "Don't strain yourself. It is October the twenty fourth if you'd like to know." Gandalf answered.

Pippin: Someone call the Shirriffs! There’s a serial line and role stealer loose!
Faramir (as a Shirriff chief): Shoot to kill!


"So that means I've been asleep for two weeks?

Eowyn: Three days, rather. (Sighing) Tale of Years in the Red Book, not hard to find.

Oh my god!" I said out loud. Just then, Frodo and Sam ran into the room.
"Shade!" They both shouted. They came to my side with wide smiles.
"You're awake!" Sam stated the obvious.
"Yeah, and I'm happy about it."

Kätchen: But nobody else is, be assured.

I looked to Frodo's arm, bandaged and looking normal. "How's your arm?" I asked. Frodo smiled.
"Fine, just fine, Miss Shade. How are you?" He retorted, playing at her as if it were a game.

Kraut: This is turning for worse…
Pippin: Well, this is a romance story, too.


"I think I'm much better now!" I answered smiling. Sam hugged me.

Faramir (as Sam): To hell with Rosie! Shade, I love you!

"Now, now hobbits. Miss Shadow needs her rest. Let's allow her sleep."

Eowyn (as Gandalf): That way she isn’t worrying me to the grave.

Gandalf motioned the hobbits out of the room. I looked around. The room was beautifully crafted. I saw that this place or village she was in was like what she had never seen.

Kätchen: Has she side personalities or what’s this with changing points of view?

The carvings and the draps were all so magnificent!
I slowly stood, holding my left arm with my right. I lifted some draps that led me to a balcony. I stood by the railings to find that I was in a mountianous area with leaves all around. If you've never seen the mountains in autumn, then you're missing something most definantly.

Pippin: I don’t think so. But if you haven’t, you most definitely are missing something.

Nearby there was a waterfall that a rainbow stood over, the colors caressing my eyes like medicine when your eyes are sore.

Kraut: Nice to see Elrond and pals don’t have ever to buy eye drops.

I looked below me to see a group of men riding up on horses. One was ahead of the others. He was most elegant. His hair blonde. I noticed he was an elf, just like me! He dismounted his horse, and looked straight at ME! He smiled and I returned the smile.

Kätchen (horrified): Don’t say this suddenly turned into… into…
Kraut: An Elf’s Love?
Kätchen (holding her ears): Don’t say its name loud!


He was so beautiful, in a manly way I mean! I felt my face blushing and I waved at him. He waved, his smile incresing.

Faramir (as Legolas): Does anybody know who’s that ugly wench who stares oddly at me? Oh, damn, she waved and I can’t anymore pretend I didn’t see.

I then slowly backed away from the side of the balcony and went into my room. I sat down on my bed, smiling. Did he really smile at me?

Eowyn: No, he smiled at a bird.

I've never seen such a cute guy before!

Pippin: Not even when you wasted the time of those ‘hot and built guys’?

I laid on my bed, staring up at the ceiling.
I sighed and drifted off to sleep, dreaming of that man's face. Who was he? Why was he so appealing to me when no other guy had never been?

Kraut: You tell us.
Kätchen: Simple answer. Hormones.


I awoke to a familiar voice. It was Frodo. He also had someone with him. It was an old hobbit, with white hair.

Faramir: Who, being not even as hawt as Sam, doesn’t deserve more description.

"Hello." I said, smiling while rubbing sleep from my eyes. I gently sat up while holding my arm.
"Hello, young mistress. I have heard you saved my nephew here. I thank you." The old hobbit abliged.

Eowyn: Abliged? Does that mean ‘abridged’?
Pippin: ‘Abided’?
Faramir: ‘Obliged’, my dear friends.
Eowyn: Actually it’s a bit sad that even we foreigners know English better than this author.


I shook my head.
"I did my job, as a friend. I didn't even think twice of it.

Kraut (as Shadow): Since compared to me Frodo is not that important.

So, you are Frodo's uncle?" I asked in question.
"Aye. 'Tis a great boy here. I just wanted to thank you. I will be on my way. Oh, and ye need to come to the courtyard with Frodo soon, the council's meeting adjorns.

All: Huh?
Kätchen: Adores? Hmm, that would be stupid.
Pippin: Adorns? Nah, I don’t think the Council was about the wallpapers of Rivendell.
Eowyn: Adjourns? But if it was so, why should they go to a meeting which is already closed?


We all want you there." And with that, the old man left, even without giving me his name.

Faramir: He had already been bothered enough by you.

"What's his name?" I bellowed.
"Oh, did he forget to tell you? His name is Bilbo Baggins. You need to get ready. The elloth tells me that your gown is in the cupboard. Let me fetch it for you."

Eowyn: Since when has Frodo been Shadows chambermaid?

And Frodo got up and retrieved a rather spectacular gown of light purple from the cupboard that held all of what seemed like my new clothes. I gasped.
"It's amazing!" I couldn't keep my eyes off of the smooth fabric.

Pippin: Isn’t it lovely how Shadow gives much more attention to gowns than an old hobbit?

It was like clouds on a windy day.

Kätchen: Which description describes nothing.

He laid it on the side of the bed.
"I will leave and let you get dressed. I will return in ten minutes."

Kraut (laughing): Frodo, you really are an optimist! If there’s a woman who can dress into an evening dress in less than half an hour I would really like to see her.
Faramir (smiling): As would I.
Kätchen and Eowyn (roll their eyes.)
Eowyn: Men. They just don’t understand.
Kätchen: I agree.


And he left. I slowly got up, slow enough not to hurt myself. I lifted up the dress, the cloth even felt like clouds. It slipped on as if it were made just for me, even though I didn't know it was.

Faramir: A lesson in logic: If the dress is made just for you it doesn’t matter if you know it or not. Lesson’s over, you are dismissed.

Just like he said, Frodo appeared at my doorway ten minutes later. I was admiring myself in the long mirror. My arm didn't add any beauty, but I looked elegant at least.

Pippin: We can only hope so.

"Beautiful!" Frodo gazed at my reflection. I smiled.
"The arm doesn't add any beauty,

Eowyn (deadpan): Thanks for repeating it. Now we truly know it’s important for the plot.

but yeah. Thanks."
I giggled.
"Aye, but your beauty shows."

Kraut: I never thought Frodo could be such a gallant gentleman.

And with that, Frodo took my arm and led me down a LOT of stairs until we ended up at a balcony-like floor.

Kätchen: Also known as 'a terrace'.

There were a lot of men there, all in a circle, but not all human. There were elves, humans, dwarves, and hobbits. Some were adorable, but others, not so much.

Pippin: And as such, were unimportant.

Frodo led me to a seat, and before I sat I glanced around and found the blonde elf I had seen earlier. He was sitting directly across from me. I smiled and he returned that. He leaned sideways and pointed me out to his friend right beside him.

Faramir (as Legolas): There’s that irritating wench again! Why didn’t anybody warn me?

I blushed and looked away. Next to me sat Frodo, and on the other side of me was Gandalf. I am so happy that my friends were surrounding me, I hate sitting really close to people I don't know. A very cute, but older elf

Kraut: I really would like to know exactly how can she know their age.

stood. He had brown hair and wore a crown at the top of his head.

Eowyn: What in Arda is Thranduil doing there?
Kätchen: Maybe he came to protect Legolas from Sues.


He must be the ruler, if there is one. Gandalf told me earlier that his name was Elrond.

All: Oh.

"Strangers from distant lands, friends of old. You have been summoned to answer the threat of Mordor. Middle-earth stands upon the brink of destruction. None can escape it. You will unite, or you will fall. Each race is bound this fate, this one doom. Bring forth the Ring, Frodo." The older elf said. Frodo then got up and walked over to a pedistal that stood in the middle of the circle. He took the very familiar, ring that was starting to annoy me,

Kraut: That’s a very strange sentiment. How about lust to possess it? Fear? Even uneasiness? No, you are only annoyed. Please, give me a break.

on the pedistal. Everyone around gasped.
"So it is true." A very cute guy said,

Pippin: There are more adjectives for good looks than ‘cute’. Buy a dictionary, Kuragari.
Eowyn: Plus I think that sort of people as were in the Council wouldn’t be exactly cute. Handsome, maybe, but not cute. At least I always think of bunnies and kittens when I hear that word.


but he had a strange sort of evil glint in his eye.

Kraut: Käthe, want to bet this is Boromir?
Kätchen: No, I won’t waste my money.


"The doom of man." Someone cried out.

Faramir: And was wrong, since the Doom of Men is known as death.

"It is a gift. A gift to the foes of Mordor." The man spoke again. He had a beard, so I will call him beardy at the moment.

Eowyn: Why not to use his name? We would be idiots if we didn’t know who he is.

He stood up. "Why not use this Ring? Long has my father, the Steward of Gondor

Eowyn: What did I just say?

kept the forces of Mordor at bay by the blood of our people are your lands kept safe. Give Gondor the weapon of the enemy. Let us use it against him!"
"You cannot wield it. None of us can. The One Ring answers to Sauron alone. It has no other master." Aragorn said in umph. I smiled and nodded to his statement.

Pippin (as Shadow, stupid voice): Duh-huh, cannot wield… Sauron… That goes beyond me. Best just to nod and smile, it always works.

"And what would a Ranger know of this matter?" Beardy said. That made me mad,

Kätchen: Even though you didn’t even consider if that wasn’t a valid point.

but when I once thought to stand up, Gandalf thrust his arm over my chest. No one noticed this.

Kraut: Was it that common for Gandalf to grab the breasts of teenaged girls?
Kätchen (in a warning tone): Joachim!
Kraut: Oops, sorry. I was only thinking aloud.


Suddenly, the blonde elf spoke.
"This is no mere Ranger. He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You owe him your allegiance."
He had that certain tone

Faramir: That’s rich from an Elf who in reality isn’t supposed to know even Aragorn’s true name let alone his lineage.

that made my heart leap.
"Aragorn? This is Isildur's heir?" Beardy reckoned. Well DUH!

Eowyn: We are letting our lust to affect our judgement a bit, aren’t we?

"And heir to the throne of Gondor." My elf responded.

Pippin: Ah, but he isn’t yours yet. So stay in your pants, Shadow.

I smiled at him, but he was too busy into the conversation to notice. During this, my elf man stood up.
"Havo dad, Legolas." Aragorn said something in elf to my man. His name is Legolas? What a nice-wait, no time to think such things!

Kraut: Indeed. Just keep it that way and all is fine.

I actually understood that phrase for it was easy to figure out, it meant sit down.
"Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king." That ticked me off.

Kätchen: Even though you didn’t know anything of it and it was none of your bloody business anyway.
Faramir (exasperately): Please, Shadow, could you behave like a sensible being for a change?


I almost shot out of my chair if it wasn't for Frodo holding me back now.

Kraut: I know what she needs. A straitjacket.
Eowyn: Amen to that.


"Aragorn is right. We cannot use it." I cooled down for a second and took a deep breath.
"You have only one choice. The Ring must be destroyed." Elrond said.
"What are we waiting for!" The dwarf who said this then shot out of his chair and tried to smash the Ring with his axe, but his axe is shattered into a million pieces and he is thrown backwards. You know that had to hurt.
"The Ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Gloin, by any craft that we here possess. The Ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom. Only there can it be unmade. It must be taken deep into Mordor, and cast back into the fiery chasm from whence it came." Elrond replied to the action. Suddenly, some sort of Black-evil language speaks out

Pippin: Well, I suppose you could express it so.

and makes me shudder.
"One of you must do this." Elrond immediately said.
"One does not simply walk into Mordor. Its black gates are guarded by more than just Orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep. And the great Eye is ever-watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire and ash and dust. The very air that you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly." I hate Beardy at this moment.

Faramir: And I hate you, Shadow. Vehemently.
Eowyn: I reckon it is some sort of even then.


"Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond has said? The Ring must be destroyed!" Legolas retorted.

Pippin (as Boromir): Any ideas as how to accomplish that, pretty boy?

"And I suppose you think you're the one to do it!" The dwarf, known as Gimli spoke.
"And if we fail, what then? What happens when Sauron takes back what is his?" Beardy remarked.
"I will be dead before I see the Ring in the hands of an Elf!" Gimli bellowed. Now that ticked everyone off. All the elves then stood, then the dwarves, and at this point, all people in the circle was standing, except little Frodo.
"Never trust an Elf!" Gimli griped. My face was hot from anger, and yet Gandalf still held me back.
"Do you not understand? While you bicker amongst yourselves, Sauron's power grows! None can escape it! You'll all be destroyed!" Gandalf nearly yells. I take deep breaths to calm myself down. I turned to see Frodo, who had a weird expression on his face, like if he were hearing voices.

Kätchen: He’s finally cracking.
Kraut: He just realized he’s in a really, really shitastic badfic.


Suddenly, in the midst of all the fighting, Frodo jumps up and says,
"I will take it! I will take it!" I look at him with a look that said, you don't know what you're getting into.

Faramir (snorting): As if you, either, had any idea of anything.

Everyone grows silent.
"I will take the Ring to Mordor... Though - though I do not know the way." Frodo speaks the truth. Gandalf walks over to Frodo and puts his hand on his shoulder.
"I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins. As long as it is yours to bear." Gandalf is now standing next to Frodo.
"If by my life or death, if I can protect you, I will." Aragorn walks over and kneels in front of Frodo. "You have my sword." Gandalf then winked at Elrond. I smiled. Legolas then goes and stands next to Frodo.
"And you have my bow." Legolas proudly says, his head high.

Eowyn (as Legolas): Is my hair well? I want to look handsome.

"And my axe." Gimli too walked over beside Frodo, but he was right next to Legolas. Beardy then walks slowly to Frodo and says,
"You carry the fates of us all, little one." Aragorn then places his hand on Frodo's shoulder.
"If this is indeed the will of the Council, then Gondor will see it done." Beardy finished.
"Here!" A familiar voice squeaks, and out of the bushes runs Sam. Aragorn had to lift his hand to let Sam by.
"Mr. Frodo's not going anywhere without me." Sam galiantly said.

Pippin: Is this some weird cross between ‘valiantly’ and ‘gallantly’?
Kätchen: It’s as if the author couldn’t decide between the two.


"No, indeed, it is hardly possible to separate you from him, even when he is summoned to a secret Council, and you are not." Elrond states. Out of nowhere, another familiar voice pipes in.
"Oi! We're coming too!" It was Merry, along with Pippin. They ran from the entrance. Halfway to Frodo he said, "You'll have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us."

Eowyn (as Pippin): Somebody has to see that Shadow doesn’t mess all up.
Faramir: I have a better use for the sack. Tie Shadow inside it and toss it down the rainbow waterfall.


Pippin then burst out, "Anyway, you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission. Quest. Thing." They made their way to Frodo and stood beside him.
"Well that rules you out, Pip." Merry jokes.
"Nine companions." Elrond said. Then everyone was silent. The group then looked directly at me. "And what shall be of you?" Elrond asked, also looking at me.

Pippin (as Elrond): Since you are not going, would you accept a job as a toilet cleaner in Rivendell? That would suit your intellectual capacity and talents admirably.

I was standing in front of the group.
"Oh! I'm sorry! Well, since they are my friends, and it is my duty, I will join this fellowship!"

Kätchen (as Elrond): Too bad it is me who decides that. And I say no.

I elegantly walked over to the group. Everyone made me feel a home, except Beardy.

Faramir (cracks his knuckles, his brow furrowed.)

"So be it! You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring." Elrond announced.
"Great. Where are we going?" Pippin asked innocently. I, along with everyone else laughed. I was happy to be a part of this family,

Kraut: Hey, slow down a bit, Shadow. You just met most of them.

and getting to know some of these people would be even more enjoyable.

Eowyn: Except ‘Beardy’, of course.

Please, please, please review!

Kätchen: I wish we had internet here. Against my customs I would flame this sooo badly!
(All exit.)

"Ha! Wonnige Glut! Leuchtender Glanz!
Strahlend nun offen steht mir die Straße.
Im Feuer mich baden!"
- Siegfried, Act Three, Scene Two.
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At Journey's End
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Chapter 7: The Fellowship's Journey South
Right before we departed from Rivendell, Frodo was given a sword from his uncle Bilbo.

Pippin: Huh? But hadn’t he Sting already at Weathertop?
Kraut: Maybe they are made in serial production.


Frodo told me that the sword would glow blue if an orc comes close. Frodo let me hold the sword, and let me tell you, that sword was as light as a grain of sand!
"Wow! This is amazing! Keep it in good use, Frodo." I responded, and handed back the sword. Frodo sheathed it up, but stood where he was.
"I didn't get to thank you. You saved me. I am grateful." Frodo said, he was brave enough to look into my eyes and say that.

Faramir: Or only minded his manners.

I sensed a great man in that hobbit, and at that moment I knew Frodo could save us all.

Eowyn: Because he just only said what he was expected to say? You really should learn some judgement, Shadow.

So we journied on, Gandalf as lead.
"We must hold to this course, west from the Misty Mountains for 40 days. If our luck holds, the Gap of Rohan will still be open to us. From there our road turns east to Mordor." Gandalf pronounced. At this point, I was so sick of walking, even though it had no effect on me.

Kätchen: So why on Earth does it bother you so much? How lazy can one get?

We had finally stopped for lunch. I watched as Sam ate sausage. He was cute, but not too appealing to me.

Kraut: Of course not. He’s short and doesn’t have pointed ears.
Faramir: Only I wonder if that revelation really has anything to do with the plot.


Beardy, I found out, his real name is Boromir. I found Beardy a better name to call him, but I will call him by his true name to you, but he doesn't know that, wink.

Faramir: Be you a girl or not, it really is better he doesn’t know what you think of him.

Boromir, Merry, and Pippin were swordplaying.
"Two, one, five. Good! Very good." Boromir said during strokes. Aragorn was smoking a pipe.
"Move your feet." Aragorn tipped.
"Hey, now. Their doing quite well. I think they should be pros." I confirmed.

Eowyn; A moral question, folks: Are white lies acceptable?

"Thanks!" Merry and Pippin said in unison.

Pippin: Are we practising for a choir or what?

"Now, now! How would you know how to shield a sword?" Boromir asked, as if I had no clue.

Kätchen: What you probably didn’t have. You should just face it.

He believed that woman were worthless.

Faramir (wearily): He didn’t hate them, he just wasn’t particularly interested in them, having enough to do to fill his days.
Kraut: Try explain that to Suethors.


He was the only person I hated on this trip.
"I know a lot, thank you very much! I'm pretty good, if I do say so myself."

Kätchen (as Shadow): You sexist pig! The fact I haven’t even held a sword in my life doesn’t mean I can’t be as good with it as any man!

Boromir acted like he didn't hear me and still fought the hobbits.
"You look good, Pippin." Merry complimented.
"Thanks." Pippin replied. Boromir then said while striking Pippin's block,
"I will go against you, Shadow, once I finish off these two. Faster." Boromir demanded. I agreed.

Eowyn (brightly): Ah, I am expecting a satisfying scene where the Sue gets beaten to a pulp.
Faramir (gloomily): Don’t be so sure.


"If anyone was to ask for my opinion, which I note they're not, I'd say we were taking the long way round. Gandalf! We could pass through the Mines of Moria. My cousin Balin would give us a royal welcome." Gimli stated.
"No, Gimli. I would not take the road through Moria unless I had no other choice." Gandalf countered. The hobbits had tricked Boromir and tripped him, all three of them landing on the ground laughing. All of us laughed also. They got up, Boromir stood at his opposing side.
"Come, Shadow. Or are you afraid? What could a woman do?" Boromir underestimated me.

Pippin: Rather, correctly estimated.

I got up and retrieved my sword Elrond himself handed to me.

Kätchen: Of which we have heard nothing before now. Who is cute and who is not is more important.

"Oh, you'll see what this woman can bring." I retorted slyly.
"Don't underestimate this woman, Boromir, she has skill." Aragorn warned.

Kraut: Oh, no! Aragorn has caught the Sue-disease!
Faramir: Also known as imbecility.


"Pfft!" Boromir hissed in return. I was now across from Boromir. All watched, even Legolas who sat down to spectate.
"Ladies first." Boromir insisted.
"Oh, and it'll be your funeral!" I then ran at him, fastly swinging my sword, but he blocked it.
"I think not!" Boromir replied. I saw shimmers of sweat on his brow. I knew I could fight. I would not let this pompous jerk

Eowyn: Yourself?

win.
"Don't kill her Boromir." Gandalf pleaded.

Pippin (as Gandalf): At least, not yet. We might try to offer her to the Balrog.

"But Gandalf, you know me better than to loose to a man like this!"

Kätchen: Not to mention that maybe he isn’t interested to be ‘loose’ with you.

I said, Boromir blocked my next move. I spat in his face.

All: Bitch!

That made him angry.
"You wench!" Boromir hissed. I smirked. He came at me with such force, he blew me to the ground.

Kraut: Kill her, Boromir! Go, Boromir, go!

Suddenly, I saw Legolas standing on a boulder, peering out into the sky.
"What is that?" Sam asked.
"Nothing but a wisp of cloud." Gimli responded.
"It's moving fast. Against the wind." Boromir was the stater of the obvious.

Faramir: More so than Legolas? I don’t think so.

I shook my head. Was this how he was going to coward out of this?

Eowyn (coughs): May I remind you who was already down?

"Crebain from Duneland!" Legolas yelled.
"HIDE!" Aragorn screamed.
"Merry!" Boromir cried.
"Frodo! Hurry! Take cover!" Aragorn yelled.
Sam put the fire out, taking the pan of sausages with him, while Frodo, Aragorn, and the others took their cloaks and other belongings, hiding behind the rocks.
"Miss Shadow!" Legolas ran to me, picked me up, and pulled me behind the rock with him.

Kätchen (as Legolas): I knew we shouldn’t have taken her with us! She’s so stupid she can’t even move on her own.

The Crebain come through the area, exploring it thoroughly, as though they know they are there. As Legolas watched the birds fly, I glanced over at him. No, this was not a time to think of such things!

Pippin: May that time never come.

I hurriedly looked away; great timing, Legolas had just turned to look at me. After the birds flew away, we all climbed out of our hiding spots. Legolas was a gentleman and offered me a hand to get up, and I retrieved it. I smiled.
"Thanks! I owe you one." I replied.
"It's quite all right." Legolas said, smiling also.

Kraut (as Legolas): Only, next time move your sorry ass or I’ll leave you to whatever bad guy it is!

"Spies of Saruman. The passage south is being watched. We must take the pass of Caradhras." Gandalf announced. Oh joy, more walking!

Faramir: No pain, no gain.

We had to climb a steep, I mean very steep snowy mountain. All the men made me wear a cloak, even though I couldn't feel the cold.

Eowyn: I think not if you had nine cloaks on.

Legolas was the first to offer his cloak. The weirdest part of climbing the mountain is that I found that I didn't sink into the snow like I had when I was human. Apparently elves have a lot of "enhancements" compared to humans.

Pippin: Unquestionably so.

Frodo fell, tumbling backwards down the snowy slope, but it wasn't too steep at the area at the time.
"Frodo!" Aragorn ran to Frodo and helped him up, placing his hands on Frodo's shoulders as Frodo dusts off the snow covering him. Frodo then notices that he has dropped the ring. Not too far away, the ring lay, on top of the snow. Who better to retrieve it than Boromir.

Kraut: Better than you in any case.

Boromir held the ring by the chain. Aragorn slowly took his hands off Frodo's shoulders and put them on the hilt of his sword.
"Boromir." Aragorn warned.
"Don't be foolish." I whispered to myself.

Kätchen: You should say that more often to yourself. And believe it.

"It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing. Such a little thing." Boromir held the chained ring with his right hand and reached to the ring with his left.
"Boromir! Give the Ring to Frodo." Aragorn ordered. Boromir walked slowly to Frodo and Aragorn. "As you wish." Boromir holds out the ring and Frodo grabs it.
"I care not." Boromir laughed and ruffled Frodo's hair. When he walked off, Aragorn took his handof his sword.

Faramir: It was Anduril, not Handof.
Pippin: But it was a...
Faramir: Yeah, I know, a typo.


Legolas walked slightly ahead of the others, I'm not far behind, but behind us, Gandalf and the others and finding it difficult to walk in the snow. Aragorn and Boromir are holding two Hobbits each, and it seems that without their help, the Hobbits would be blown off the mountain. Then we hear a voice, though we cannot make out the words.
"There is a fell voice on the air." Legolas states.

Eowyn: Speaking of the people stating obvious…
Kätchen: If Shadow thinks Boromir is Captain Obvious, then Leggy must be the General.


"It's Saruman!" Gandalf yells. All of a sudden, boulders tumble over us.

Pippin (as Gandalf): Oops, forgot to keep my voice down.

"He's trying to bring down the mountain! Gandalf, we must turn back!" I hear Aragorn's words flow through the air.
"No! Losto Caradhras, sedho, hodo, nuitho i 'ruith!" Gandalf incantates. The voice still calls over the wind. A bolt of lightning hits the mountain, bringing down snow and rocks. We are all buried in snow. Legolas and I find no difficulty getting out, but the others struggle, but make it.
"We must get off the mountain! Make for the Gap of Rohan! Or take the west road to my city!" Boromir calls.

Kraut: Forgetting that circling the White Mountains would take a year.
Faramir: Well, Boromir was never strong in geography.


"The Gap of Rohan takes us too close to Isengard." Aragorn yelled. Now's not the time to argue!

Pippin: Strider IS the bright one!

"We cannot pass over a mountain. Let us go under it! Let us go through the Mines of Moria." Gandalf gave the retoracle

Kätchen: What’s that supposed to mean?
Eowyn: I doubt even Kuragari knows.


statement. I saw so much fear in Gandalf's eyes at that moment, like he knew something bad lie in Moria.

Faramir: Ten points, Shadow! There indeed is a big baddie, waiting to eat you.

"Let the Ring-bearer decide... Frodo?" Gandalf asked, fearing the answer.
"We will go through the mines." Frodo replied.
"So be it." Gandalf finalized. I was not happy about the waste of time it took to climb the mountain and having to turn back, but what do I have to say in this?

Eowyn: Nothing, so shut up, twit.

I gave Legolas his cloak back after we reached the bottom of the mountain.
"Thanks." I said, truely meaning, I'm crazy about you, but he would never know that.

Kraut: And if he would he would have hard time deciding whether to cry or laugh.

"You're welcome. But I have one question." Legolas summoned. Oh no! I nodded in acception.

Kätchen: Acception? What language is this anyway, since it surely isn’t English?
Pippin: Dutch?
Eowyn: Plain gibberish?


"Why did Gandalf pick you? Is there anything special about you, other than what I can tell?"

Faramir (as Legolas): I mean, other than that you are clumsy, annoying as hell and stupider than a log?

Legolas questioned. Aww! But I never really thought of that.
"Well, I'm an elf, obviously!

Eowyn (as Legolas): Which isn’t a correct answer. Try again.

But, really? I don't know. I just think that Gandalf's dicisions are always wise and correct, so I'd like to think me being here is needed."

Pippin: To quote Celeborn: “At the last Gandalf fell from wisdom into folly.”

I answered him as if I were in college.
"I can't agree any more. At least, you can cheer this deathly bunch."

Kraut (incredulously): And this speaker is supposed to be an age-old Elf, and a prince?
Kätchen: I wonder if the others know this lovely opinion of Legolas’s.


He spoke the truth.

Faramir: Yes, if making all wanting to kill themselves is cheering.

I loved going up to everyone and telling jokes to make them happier. Some jokes they didn't get and I had to explain,

Eowyn: Shadow, if you have to explain a joke, it is bad.

due to the time distance, but I did a great job at it.

Pippin: No excuses, you really suck at it!

"Yeah. I just can't make this trip with everyone all sulky.

Kätchen: Oh, I can just imagine how humorous and cheery I would be if the world was at the brink of its destruction.

I mean, it's a journey of a lifetime, right? Why not make the best of it?"

Kraut: Shadow, come away! It isn’t a holiday in Disneyland, but a serious business. That is, if you understand what serious means.

I replied. Legolas smiled.
"I have to thank Gandalf." Legolas said.
"Why?" I asked, looking to him.
"For bringing you here."

All (grimace.)
Pippin: Kraut, did you remember the bucket this time?
Kraut: Yup. It’s right here. (Pulls the bucket from behind his seat.)
Faramir: Good. Keep it near.


And that made my heart leap. I smiled along with him. He was really starting to soak onto me.

Kätchen (exasperated): Herr Gott im Himmel! Kuragari, could you sound any more like a stupid teen?

Please review!

All (exit without even a comment.)

"Ha! Wonnige Glut! Leuchtender Glanz!
Strahlend nun offen steht mir die Straße.
Im Feuer mich baden!"
- Siegfried, Act Three, Scene Two.
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At Journey's End
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Chapter 8: Into the Darkness
We ended up at this very dark and dreary lace when we came upon a slimy wall.
"The walls of Moria." Gimli announced as if they were coming upon magic grounds.

Faramir: Or maybe he just respected the dwelling-place of his ancestors.
Eowyn: As if Shadow had even heard the word ‘respect’.


"Wow, and I thought the aftermath of parties were bad." I love to joke, I have to say again. Legolas smiled. Everyone else ignored the comment.

Pippin: Because they had even decent sense of humour.

"Well, let’s see... Ithildin. It mirrors only starlight and moonlight." Gandalf then peered up to the moon, which was covered in clouds but they drifted off; then a glowing door appeared.
"Now that's what I call an entrance!" Well, that time that comment was real. Gandalf shook his head but continued.

Faramir (as Gandalf): Note to self: Ignore her and she may finally be quiet.

"It reads: 'The doors of Durin, Lord of Moria. Speak friend and enter.'" Gandalf spoke.
" What do you suppose that means?" Merry asked.
"Oh, it's quite simple. If you are a friend, you speak the password, and the doors will open.
Annon Edhellen edro hi ammen!" Gandalf incantated, but there was nothing. "Ando Eldarinwa a lasta quettanya, Fenda Casarinwa!" Still nothing.
"Mines are no place for a pony. Even one so brave as Bill." Aragorn then hit Bill, who was Sam's horse from the Shire, in the butt and the horse galloped off.

Kraut (as Sam): Umm, Aragorn, shouldn’t you have taken our stuff from Bill’s back first?
Kätchen (as Aragorn): Oh, don’t be such a pedant.


"Bye bye, Bill." Sam called.
"Go on, Bill. Go on. Don't worry Sam. He knows the way home." Aragorn comforted. I smiled to his kindness.

Faramir (clapping): Bravo! She actually noticed someone else than herself or Legolas.

Gandalf now sat on a rock, just staring at the glowing wall.
"Here, let me try. Abrakadabra! Hocus Pockus! Go web go! Um...open sesame! Twinkle, twinkle little star? Well, you can't say I didn't try."

Eowyn (as Gandalf): Oh, shut up! You are not amusing.

I said, collapsing on the rock beside Gandalf.

Pippin: Because Gandalf finally was so ticked off that he struck her.

I noticed Merry and Pippin throwing rocks into the water. Right when Pippin was about to throw another, Aragorn grabbed him by the collar.

Kätchen (as Aragorn, official voice): Throwing stones into the swimming pool is forbidden, young man. Do it again and receive twenty euros fine.

"Do not disturb the water." Aragorn ordered. I turned my attention back to Gandalf who took off his hat.
"Oh, it's useless." Gandalf sighed.
"Don't give up, Gandalf the grey. I know we can figure it out." I soothed. Gandalf merely looked at the door.

Kraut (as Gandalf): Yeah, yeah, whatever. Oh, why do I always forget my brains somewhere in these fics?

"It's a riddle. Speak 'friend', and enter. What's the Elvish word for friend?" Frodo asked.
"Mellon." Gandalf replied. Suddenly, the stone doors opened to reveal a dark cavern-like dwelling.
"By George, I think he's got it! Yay Frodo!" I said, hopping up and down.

Kätchen: Isn’t there some sort of medication for hyper-activeness?

Frodo smiled. We all then walk into the mines.
"Soon, Master Elf, you will enjoy the fabled hospitality of the Dwarves! Roaring fires, malt beer, ripe meat off the bone! This, my friend, is the home of my cousin Balin. And they call it a mine. A MINE!" Gimli said happily.
"This is no mine. It's a tomb." Boromir stated the obvious again.

Kraut: Keep it up, Boromir, and you may be promoted to Major Obvious.
Faramir: It’s still lower than General, though.


Dead corpses were all around, rotting dwarves and orcs, all covered in cobwebs.
"No! Nooo! NOOOO!" Gimli cried.
"Eww! That's nasty!" I whined. Legolas then pulled an arrow from a dead body.
"Goblins!"

Eowyn (deadpan): No, it was the Eagles.

Legolas hissed, immediately dropping the arrow.
"We make for the Gap of Rohan. We should never have come here! Now get out of here! Get out!" Boromir yelled. I didn't have to be tod twice. Right behind me, Frodo is backing up when I hear him scream. I turn to see a giant tentacle wrapped around his leg and it pulled him out of the mines and above the water. It was a giant squid-type creature.
"Oh, holy mother of goblins!" I gulped.

Pippin (gulps): She worships the evil!
Kätchen: Only she is doing even that badly. Morgoth was a ‘he’.


Merry and Pippin both yelled, "Frodo!"
"Strider!" Frodo screeches, himself hovering over the giant creature.
"Strider!" Sam called.
"Legolas!" I yelled in fright.

Kraut (as Shadow): Oh, Legolas, I am so frightened! Never mind Frodo is in trouble, hold me tight!
Faramir (as Legolas): Another time, perhaps. Excuse me, but I have some business to attend to now.


"Help!" Frodo screamed.
"Get off him!" Sam yelled, running towards the creature, but before even I knew it, I ran ahead of Sam, my sword out and ready to attack. I swiftly cut over five of the creature's tentacles.

Eowyn: Were they made of paper, then?
Kätchen: Maybe she has a light-sabre.


"Aragorn!" Merry yelled. Aragorn and Legolas came running; oh, and Boromir too, how could I forget?

Pippin: Easily, since you obviously are drooling over Legolas all the time.

The hobbits slash at the creature with their swords. I finally get close enough to the creature to free Frodo, but as he backs away from the water, many tentacles come out from the water, this time swinging Frodo high up in the air. Legolas ran toward the creature, arrows being shot mainly at the creature.

Kraut: Though three "accidentally" hit Shadow's back.

"Ahh..." Frodo whales.

Faramir (laughing): I don’t remember him being that fat!

"Frodo!" Merry yelled. I was now close to Frodo's tentacle.

All (look uneasy.)
Eowyn: I hope that isn’t an euphemism.
Pippin: Well, it would be better than if Frodo was turned into an octopus.


"Strider! Shade!" Frodo yelled.
Right from behind me, Legolas shoots the tentacles with his bow,

Kraut: Funny, normal people shoot arrows with their bows.

while Boromir and Aragorn enter the water, and slash at the tentacles with their swords. Aragorn cuts off the tentacle that is holding Frodo, and Boromir manages to catch Frodo as he falls. I'm busy slashing at the creature, when I hear Gandalf yell, "Into the mines!"
"Legolas! Into the cave!" Boromir called.

Kätchen (as Boromir): Leave the Sue!

I turned to see Legolas running to me. He shot arrows at the creature's head.
"Shadow, run!" Legolas and I both fight the monster as we back up into the mines. The creature submerges out of the water, but crumbles the stone door. All light was gone, along with the entrance to the mine.
"We now have but one choice." I heard a thump, like wood tapping the ground, when the whole mine lit up, the glowing coming from Gandalf's staff. "We must face the long dark of Moria. Be on your guard. There are older and fouler things than orcs in the deep places of the world.

Kraut (gasping): Tabloid journalists?

Quietly now. It's a four-day journey to the other side. Let us hopw that our presence may go unnoticed." Gandalf explained.
While climbing upwards, I look behind me to see Pippin following me. Pippin then lets some rocks fall, and they fall on Merry.

Pippin (furiously): Kuragari, you damn…! (Somewhat checking himself) I wasn’t that ill-mannered even in my teens! I wish my lawyer was here.

"Pippin!" Merry yelled. I laughed and moved onward.

Eowyn: Because you were too stupid even to tell them to be quiet. The Fellowship needs secrecy, remember?

After some time, we come to an opening, where there are three passages to choose from.
"I have no memory of this place." Gandalf proclaims. Oh goodie! We all stop for a while, now that's good news.
"Are we lost?" Pippin asked.
"No." Merry stated.
"I think we are." Pippin went on.
"Shh. Gandalf's thinking." Merry hissed. After a second of silence, Pippin pops in for more talking again.
"Merry..." Pippin whispers.
"What?" Merry asks.
"I'm hungry." Pippin complained.
"Again? How can you eat so much and not gain a pound? I wish I could do that." I said. Legolas chuckled.
"They're hobbits and hobbits do such." Legolas remarked.

Pippin: Well, he’s right. Who could gain weight if he got not even the six meals per day?

I then hear Frodo say something.
"There is something down there!" Frodo yells.
"It's Gollum." Gandalf merely grunts.

Faramir (as Gandalf): Don’t worry about him. With luck he cuts the throat of the Sue in her sleep.

"Gollum?" Frodo retorted.
"He's been following us for three days." Gandalf replied.
"He escaped the dungeons of Barad-dûr?" Frodo asked.
"Escaped. Or set loose. He hates and loves the Ring. As he hates and loves himself. He will never be rid of his need for it." Gandalf explained.
"It's a pity Bilbo didn't kill him when he had the chance." Frodo stated his opinion.
"Pity? It was pity that stayed Bilbo's hand. Many that live deserve death.

Eowyn: Like Shadow.

Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death and judgement. Even the very wise cannot see all ends. My heart tells me that Gollum has some part to play yet, for good or ill, before this is over. The pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of the Ring." Gandalf was so wise; I wish I were just that one day.

Kraut: Not a shadow of chance to that, miss.

"I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened." I felt sorry for Frodo. This wasn't any of his fault. I turned my head from their direction, but still listened in.
"So do all that come to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world, Frodo, besides the will of evil.

Kraut: Although one may doubt it when seeing the amount and quality of these bad fanfics.

Bilbo was meant to find the Ring. In which case you were also 'meant' to have it. And that is an encouraging thought. Eh - it's that way." Gandalf piped up.
"He's remembered." Merry was also the stater of the obvious.

Kätchen: Well, he may be the Lieutenant Obvious, then.
Pippin: Wow, they have a pretty army before long if this goes on.


Boy!

Faramir: Girl!
Eowyn: Man!
Kraut: Grandmama!


"No, but the air doesn't smell so foul down here. If in doubt, Meriadoc, always follow your nose.
Let me risk a little more light." The light on his staff brightens, and we find ourselves in a great hallway, with tall pillars, as far as the eye can see. "Behold the great realm of the Dwarf-city of Dwarrowdelf."
I gasped. "Wow!"
"There's an eye opener, and no mistake." Sam said.
"Uh-huh." I mumbled, staring dumbfoundedly around the magnificent looking place. "You could say that again."
"There's an eye opener, and no mistake." Sam repeated.

Kätchen: He’s a tape recorder?

I turned to him.
"Here's the deal Sam; when I say you can say that again, it doesn't mean repeat the phrase over, it just means that it's great. Thanks for being so literate, but that's what that means." I explained.

Faramir: Shadow, what if instead of stupid explanations you tried to speak so that the others understood you, too? You are in their world and not vice versa.
Kraut: When in Rome, do as the Romans do.


"You're world is so different from ours." Legolas replied.

Kätchen (springs to attention): Herr General!

"You can say that again." I then looked to him, but he smiled.

Pippin: Since usually he looked at Shadow he looked like he was about to puke.

I returned the smile.

Kraut (as Shadow): This smile doesn’t fit me. I want a refund!

I found this world to be just as great.

Faramir: Good for you.
(All exit.)

"Ha! Wonnige Glut! Leuchtender Glanz!
Strahlend nun offen steht mir die Straße.
Im Feuer mich baden!"
- Siegfried, Act Three, Scene Two.
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At Journey's End
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Chapter 9: The Bridge of Khazad-dûm
We ad been walking for a while when Gimli spots a door to the sid eof us.

All (grimace.)
Faramir: I think grammar and spelling are dead after all this abuse.


It is strewn with the bodies of dead orcs. Gimli runs through the door into a chamber.
"Gimli!" Gandalf cried. We all run after the dwarf. We find him standing in front of some kind of stone coffin.
"No! Oh, no! No." Gimli weeps.
"'Here lies Balin, son of Fundin, Lord of Moria.' He is dead then. It's as I feared." Gandalf read off the coffin. Gimli is knelt on the ground. I put my hand on his shoulder.

Kraut (raising an eyebrow): The Sue comforts a dwarf? The time of miracles is not over.

"I'm so sorry Gimli." I quietly say. Gimli nodded, his head sinking lower.
"Kilmin malur ni zaram kalil ran arag. Kheled-zâram. Balin tazlifi." Gimli prays.
"We must move on. We cannot linger." Legolas spoke to Aragorn. Gandalf then started to read smething out of a book.
"'They have taken the bridge and the second hall. We have barred the gates but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes. Drums, drums in the deep. We cannot get out. A Shadow moves in the dark.

Eowyn (as Gandalf): That’s it, Shadow, it’s of no use to deny anymore! You are a servant of Sauron!
Kätchen (as Shadow): It was not me! Honestly! It was my evil twin!


We cannot get out. They are coming.'" I gulped. Pippin then touched an arrow on a corpse, making the corpse fall into the well it was laying on, along with the bucket it held. It made a LOT of noise.

Pippin (irritated): It was only a stone I threw down, not a fricking corpse!
Faramir: Well, what does it matter if the result was the same?


We all held our breaths for a minute and then exhaled.
"Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time, and rid us of your stupidity." Gandalf hisses. Suddenly, there are drumming noises coming from all around. Frodo unsheaths Sting to find the blade blue. Sam sees it so.
"Frodo!" Sam called.
"Orcs!" Legolas and I say in unison. Boromir runs to the door and two arrows from outside the door are shot, but they barely miss his head.

Eowyn: If Boromir died now, whom could you hate then, Shade?

"Get back! Stand close to Gandalf!" Aragorn yells to the hobbits.
"They have a cave-troll." Boromir helps Legolas and Aragorn pick up a bar, and they bar the door. All of us stand against the coffin, swords and bows out.
"Let them come! There is one dwarf yet in Moria that still draws breath." Gimli proudly states. More arrows shoot through the doors, but Legolas hits the orcs' forheads to kill them. Then, the door came down. Orcs flooded in, and we were fighting. I had killed about five when I looked to the door and saw a HUMUNGOUS

Kraut: We get it that it was big even without shouting.

creature come into the tumb. I think that is the cave troll!

Pippin: No shit, Sherlock!

I had just sliced an orc's head off when I saw it.
"I think I'm getting the hang of this!" Sam yells.

Kätchen: Which was an extremely random line at this point.

"Frodo!" Aragorn screams.
The troll is after Frodo. The troll grabbed Frodo and dragged him.

Faramir (as the troll): Shall we dance?

"Aragorn! Shadow!" Frodo yelled.
"Frodo!" I and Aragorn shout in unison. I make my way over to the troll, about twenty orcs in between me and Aragorn,

Kraut: What were they in, a tomb or an aeroplane hangar? That place must be more crowded than the London Underground.

who is fighting the troll. Aragorn saved Frodo. Aragorn thrusts a spear into the trolls chest, but it does not pierce it's thick hide. Then the troll hits Aragorn, and he is thrown aside. Frodo runs to Aragorn's side and faces the troll. I am two orc away.

Kätchen (deadpan): They use the ‘orkic’ system in Middle-Earth to measure distance.

Suddenly, the orc thrusts the spear at Frodo, who is now pinned against the wall. Merry and Pippin jump on the troll's back.

Eowyn (as the hobbits): Gee! We got a free ride!
Kraut (as the hobbits): Rodeo time! Yeehaa!


"Frodo! FRODO!" Sam yells.
"Frodo!" I then finish off my orcs and head to the troll. I slit the troll's knees and arms. Legolas shoots arrows into the trolls throat, and the troll starts to collapse, with me under it. Legolas throws me a chain, I catch it. He pulls me, as if he were Tarzan, to safety.

Kraut: And banged his chest, yelling on the top of his lungs.
Pippin: “The Manual of Overblown and Stupid Rescue Techniques”, page ninety-two.


The troll collapsed. Aragorn had crawled over to Frodo.
"Oh no." Aragorn whispers. Legolas starts toward Frodo and I follow. Aragorn turns Frodo over.
"He's alive." Sam points out.
"I'm all right. I'm not hurt." Frodo admitts.
"You should be dead. That spear would have skewered a wild boar." Aragorn said in disbelief.
"I think there's more to this hobbit than meets the eye." Gandalf questions. Frodo pulls down the flap of his shirt to reveal a coat of what seemed to be some sort of shiney material. How could that have saved him?

Faramir: That’s what the armour is supposed to do, if you didn’t know.

"Mithril! You are full of surprises, Master Baggins!" Gimli smiles. We hear orcs coming.
"To the bridge of Khazad-dûm!" Gandalf ordered. We run, but the grand hall we had been in before swarms with orcs. Soon, we are all surrounded. Legolas holds his bow out, ready, right in front of me,

Eowyn (hopefully): An arrow-tip against Shadow’s chest?

but soon lowers it.

Eowyn: Darn.

The orcs cower back to wence they came.
"What is this new devilry?" Boromir asked.
"Oh my gosh!" I say under my breath.
"A Balrog.

Pippin (sarcastically): Sounds like fun!

A demon of the ancient world. This foe is beyond any of you. Run!" Gandalf commands. We ran.
"Quickly!" Aragorn yelled. "Gandalf!"
"Lead them on, Aragorn. The bridge is near." Gandlaf orders. He had stumbled and Aragorn was trying to help him, but he pushed Aragorn away. "Do as I say! Sword are no more use here!" We all move on, Legolas shooting at the orcs at the other side of the dwelling,

Kraut: Dozens of miles away? Did he use a field cannon or a cruise missile?

killing most,

Pippin: So he had a cartload of arrows with him. There were hundreds of Orcs at the very least.

but a lot of the stone is breaking. We are climbing down a slone stairwell when we come to a break in the rock. Legolas jumps the gap and stands ready to help the others over.
"Gandalf!" Legolas signals for him to jump the gap. Gandalf jumps and is helped over by Legolas.
"Merry! Pippin!" Boromir grabs hold of the hobbits he called, one of them on each arm, and jumps over with them. Legolas helps them over on the other side. More rock crumbles away as they jumped.
"Sam." Aragorn yells. He then tosses Sam over the gap.
"Nobody tosses a dwarf." Gimli praises.

Eowyn (deadpan): Kuragari, I really admire your knack at choosing words.

He tries to jump the gap, but almost falls into the abyss. Legolas grabs him by his beard. "Not the beard!" Gimli makes in.
"Frodo! Shadow!" Aragorn called. All three of us remain on the other side of the gap. The stone stairs are standing, but seem like they are about to collapse. Aragorn pulls me and Frodo to his chest.

Pippin: If Shadow is so damn good fighter and as good as the men, why doesn’t she prove it and just jump over by herself?

"Steady. Hold on!" Aragorn tells Frodo and me. The rock we are standing on begins to sway. "Hang on!" The top of the stone breaks away from the bottom bit, and falls at an angle. I was only about three feet away from that stone.
"Lean froward." Aragorn called. "Steady."
"Come on! Now!" Legolas calls. Our stone hits against the other stone that the rest of the fellowship are standing on. Boromir catches Aragorn, Gandalf with Frodo, and Legolas caught me.

Kätchen (as Legolas): Yuck! I must touch her!

We stumbled, but made it. We were now to move on.
"Over the bridge! Fly!" Gandalf summons. We move on. We race across a bridge, THE bridge, when Gandalf spins around to face the Balrog, then he sees we are waiting for him. We run across the bridge, and while we continue on, Gandalf remains in the middle of the bridge, facing the Balrog.
"You cannot pass!'' Gandalf hollars.
"Gandalf!" Frodo screams. We all stop.
"I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor! The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udun! Arrghh!

(Laughter.)

Go back to the Shadow!

Faramir (as Gandalf): You both are repulsive and evil. An ideal pair, I’d say. So stop flirting with me and go to her!

YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" Gandalf slams hims staff on the bridge, an easy light surrounding him. The bridge breaks due to Gandalf's magic, causing the Balrog to fall. Gandalf turns to us and sighs,

Eowyn (as Gandalf): Oh crap, now I have to pay for the damages…

but as he does that, the whip of teh Balrog catches onto his ankle, and he is pulled down. He grabs onto the edge of the bridge, but cannot keep his grip. Ther is nothing we can do to save him. Boromir grabs Frodo, to stop him from runnin back onto the bridge.
"No! No!" Boromir urges.

Pippin (with a sigh): Kuragari, it is ‘forbids’ or something like that. The exact opposite of ‘urge’ in any case.

"GANDALF!" Frodo whales.

Kätchen: A strange time and place to go catching sea mammals, I must say.

Legolas keeps hold of my arm, to make sure I don't try to run for Gandalf.

Kraut (as Legolas): With your clumsiness you would only make it worse.

"Fly, you fools!" And Gandalf falls into what is to be my name.

(Bored looks from the audience.)
Faramir: And that was supposed to be a joke?


"NO! NO!" Frodo screams. Boromir carries him away. We all leave, but I turn to see Aragorn still standing into the abyss.

Eowyn (horrified): He finally got enough of the Sue! Aragorn, attempting suicide is not an answer! Believe me, I should know that.

I run back to Argorn. Legolas stops to watch me. I put my hand on Aragorn's shoulder. I hear Boromir call Aragorn's name.
"There's nothing we could have done. I know Gandalf, and he wouldn't have wanted us to mourn." I gently said to Aragorn. Aragorn nodds and we follow the fellowship out of Moria, to find ourselves in brilliant light, in the mountains, where we stopped for a time. Sam casts himself onto the rock, head in hand, while Boromir comforts a shouting Gimli, who struggles, as though meaning to re-enter the mines. Merry consoles a weeping Pippin, with greif and sorrow in his own face. Nearby to me, Legolas stands, wearing a look in disbelief.

Pippin (as Legolas): I can’t believe I’m wearing only my looks. How undignified!

I walk to him and whisper,
"We can not feel mourn. I have felt it once. We are lucky.

Kätchen (as Shadow): Gandalf was not. Tough luck for the old bugger.
Kraut (as Legolas): And that is supposed to be comforting, you unfeeling wench?


We at least must be happy we are alive." I try to smile, but it doesn't work. Aragorn wipes his sword clean in a single stroke, then resheaths it.
"Legolas, Shadow, get them up." Aragorn ordered.
"Give them a moment for pity's sake!" Boromir stands in defense.
"By nightfall these hills weill be swarming with orcs. We must reach the woods of Lothlorien. Come Boromir! Legolas, Shade, Gimli, get them up." Aragorn himself walks over to Sam and helps him up. "On your feet, Sam." He sees Frodo, who has wandered away. "Frodo! Frodo!"
Frodo turns to us. A single tear rolling down his face. I run to him.
"We must move on. I know I didn't know Gandalf like you,

Faramir: Good that she has enough sense to realize that.
Eowyn: Well, according to this her interaction with Gandalf was mainly him dragging her to and fro or ignoring her.


but we must go on, for Gandalf's sake." I said. Frodo then hugged me. I held him. We finally pulled apart. I kneeled to look at my friend's face. "I know you can finish this! I have faith! I'm with you the whole way!"

Pippin (as Frodo): I really hope you are joking.

Frodo nodds. We leave the mountains and make our way to Lothlorien.

You don't know how much I enjoy writing this story!

Kraut: And you don’t know how we hate reading it.

Please review!

(All exit.)
"Ha! Wonnige Glut! Leuchtender Glanz!
Strahlend nun offen steht mir die Straße.
Im Feuer mich baden!"
- Siegfried, Act Three, Scene Two.
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Caranthol
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At Journey's End
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

I'm just telling you right now, this chapter is very heart provoking.

Kätchen: I think she means vomit-inducing.

Please review when done!
Chapter 10: Lothlorien

I had never wished for everyone in the world to be happy until Gandalf died.

Faramir: We have already seen you are an egotistical bitch, so nothing new there.

The hobbits traveled behind on our way to Lothlorien, with even Gimli having a sadness in his eyes.

Eowyn: Shadow, I have a revelation for you. Ugly people do have feelings, too.

I kept a close watch on Frodo. We had traveled for a long time, but finally came upon a forest and entered it.
"Stay close, young Hobbits! They say that a great sorceress lives in these woods. An Elf-witch of terrible power. All who look upon her fall under her spell." Gimli said in the gruff tone of his. After one second, I heard Frodo gasp, not loud enough for the others to hear it though. I slowed down and caught up to Frodo.
"Are you alright?" I whispered. Frodo merely nodded.
"And are never seen again." Gimli loved to tell stories and scare the hobbits. Sam then tried to talk to Frodo, but he seemed to be off in his own world, like me when I daydream.

Pippin: I doubt you daydream of flaming eyes and stuff.

"Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked. I looked back to Frodo, for I had gotten two feet ahead of him, but no more than that.
"Well, here's one dwarf she won't ensnare so easily. I have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox." Gimli said bravely. I shook my head at him.
Kraut: Wow, that’s rich from you, Shadow! You should yourself be in the Guinness Book of Records for your dimness!

All of a sudden, elves are surrounding us. I pulled up my sword in an instant to guard Frodo, but the elves put their bows to my throat and heart.

(Snickers.)
Faramir: Ooh, scary! What are they going to do, beat Shadow with bows?


We were all surrounded.
"Oh..." Gimli huffed. I glared at the elves. Then, a elf, certainly the leader, parted the elves as if they were the Red Sea,

Kätchen: Kuragari, I fear you are confusing Lord of the Rings and the Bible. Haldir is not Moses, you know.
Kraut: Yeah, he hasn’t even a beard, for start.


but let the ones around me still stand at their posts.
"The Dwarf breathes so loud, we could have shot him in the dark." The lead elf said. His voice was like Legolas's, but a little different. His was a little tougher, but still like the wild wind which floated past your ears.

Eowyn: It hummed wordlessly? Interesting.
Kätchen: Nor was Haldir an Ent.


"Haldir o Lórien. Henio aníron, boe ammen i dulu lîn. Boe ammen veriad lîn." Aragorn stated in elvish. Legolas had been teaching me elvish,

Pippin: When? I’d think you couldn’t find time between your moaning about walking and alternatively hating Boromir.
Kraut: If she was an Elf, shouldn’t the language come to her sort of naturally?


so I translated most of it. "Haldir of Lorien...we come for help...we need...protection..."
"To hell we need them!" I growled very loudly.

Faramir (as Haldir): If you don’t need or want our protection, you can crawl under whatever stone you came. Only as a small detail, there are a hundred deadly bows lying in wait for you. Good luck.

The one called Haldir, the lead elf, turned to me and walked in my direction. Legolas looked alarmed, but I just glared at Haldir.
"Who such a woman to speak to me in such a manner?" Haldir asked,

Eowyn: Damn straight!

as if he were king or something!(close to it though)

Pippin (grinning): About as close as I was to being Steward of Gondor when I was a guard.

"I'm Shade, a guardian of friends!" I spat.

Kätchen (deadpan): And such a brilliant job have you done at it.

Haldir looked surprised by my courage.

Kraut: Before his bow sang and released a sharp arrow into her heart.

He smiled and

Faramir: Burst into contemptuous laughter.

turned back to Aragorn.
"Aragorn! These woods are perilous. We should go back." Gimli howled.
"You have entered the realm of the Lady of the Wood. You cannot go back. Come. She is waiting." Haldir lead us into his worldly woods.

Kraut: As opposed to church-going woods.

I was closely guarded by armed elves. Legolas came in the back of the line to me and spoke to the guards.
"i' iirima nessa edainme yestas eresse." And with that, the men backed off. I looked at Legolas as if he were a genius, which I thought.
"What did you say?" I whispered.

Eowyn (as Legolas): That you carry a nasty disease called Sueness.

"That you need some breathing room. How are you?" Legolas asked. I smiled.
"Better. But why do we need the protection of such people?" I asked.

Pippin (as Shadow, little kid-voice): I don’t wanna any protection! I don’t wanna! I am at least as tough as any guy!

"Because these 'people' are royalty and may give us the shelter we need for now. Don't be so valiant, they are very steady people and wouldn't hurt a fly."

Kätchen: Unless it was a servant of Sauron.

Legolas smiled. I looked back to see the guards looking at me as if I were the last food on the planet.

Kraut (deadpan): Then they finally tore their masks away, revealing leering Orc-faces.

"Why are they staring at me?" I said in a creeped out voice. Legolas smiled and chuckled.

Faramir (as Legolas): You just wait for the night… Hehehe! You might find a knife in your throat… Mwhahaha!

"They find you very peculiar, and yet beautiful,

Eowyn: Please, Legolas, you seriously can’t say anyone who has seen Lady Galadriel would stare at a random Sue like that. She isn’t that beautiful.

like I. There aren't many elves with hair the color of yours."

Pippin (as Legolas): Nor many with your lousy co-ordination, horrid behaviour and slow wits.

Legolas explained. I nodded. We continued on, led by Haldir. Out of nowhere, there's a very bright light. I sheild my eyes. When I look again, two people submerge from the light. It is a woman and a man. The woman is amazingly beautiful,

Eowyn: I told you so.

and the man handsome.

Kraut: Not cute? Amazing.

They look like royalty, and seeing the crowns

Kätchen: Which they didn’t have, by the way. Why does every Suethor imagine Elven royalty like it was from a Disney movie?

on thier heads, they must be.
"Eight that there are here, yet nine there were set out from Rivendell.

Faramir: Celeborn clearly failed his math lessons when he was young. There were ten, according to this piece of crap.
Eowyn: Maybe he purposely omitted Shadow? She is just a minor nuisance, after all.
Faramir: A good point.


Tell me, where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with him." The kingly elf asked. The woman looks to Aragorn.
" He has fallen into Shadow. The quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little, and it will fail to the ruin of all." With said that, everyone in the fellowship except myself,

Pippin: Because Galadriel didn’t deign even to test you like she did to us.

Legolas, and Boromir look to the ground. The queen looked to Boromir. "Yet hope remains while the Company is true." The woman looks to Sam. "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Go now and rest, for you are weary with sorrow and much toil. Tonight, you will sleep in peace..."
That woman made me feel at home. We had been led to a place to sleep. It was in front of a water fountain. We all got dressed up in elvish clothing. I danced around with the music that played above our heads. Legolas stood by the fountain and watched me.

Kraut (as Legolas): Oh shit, does she think this is some bloody disco?

"A lament for Gandalf." Legolas said to the others.
"What do they say about him?" Merry asked. The others didn't know what Legolas was looking at, or for what I knew.
"I have not the heart to tell you. For me the grief is still too near." Legolas turned his direction back to me. I looked to him with a graceful movement

Kätchen: Read: With an embarrassing stumble.

and smiled. I kept the dance going.
"Take some rest. These borders are well protected." Aragorn said to Boromir.
"I will find no rest here. I heard her voice inside my head. She spoke of my father and the fall of Gondor. She said to me, "Even now there is hope left." But I cannot see it. It is long since we had any hope." Boromir told. I watched as I danced. I saw Aragorn sit beside Boromir. " My father is a noble man, but his rule is failing. And then our... our people lose faith. He looks to me to make things right, and I, I would do it. I would see the glory of Gondor restored. Have you ever seen it, Aragorn? The white tower of Ecthelion. Glimmering like a spike of pearl and silver. Its banners caught high in the morning breeze. Have you ever been called home by the clear ringing of silver trumpets?"
" I have seen the White City. Long ago." Aragorn answers truthfully.
"One day, our paths will lead us there. And the tower guard shall take up the call: 'The Lords of Gondor have returned.'" Boromir thought of only hope, but then I saw that Boromir looked at me!

Faramir: Most probably he was only wondering why did you stare at him.

I stopped. Legolas soon walked over to me. I sat down on the other side of the fountain where Boromir wouldn't see me.

Eowyn (as Shadow): Let’s play hide-and-seek!

Legolas sat beside me.
"That was magnificent!" Legolas comlimented.

Pippin: Lying grossly.

"Why did you cease?"
"I was getting tired." I lied. I didn't want to lie, but I didn't want to start anything either.

Kätchen (as Shadow): I was staring at Boromir, and do you know what did he do? He… he actually glimpsed at me for a second! How dares he!? *Sob*
Kraut (as the Suethor-version Legolas): This is a grave insult indeed! I will so challenge him!


"Well, you need some rest. You are protected here. I will guard you anywhere you go." Legolas said with a hopeful smile.

Pippin (pales.)
Kraut (hands him the bucket.)
Pippin: Thanks, but it passed already.


I smiled too.
"Thank you!" I said. I had a feeling that I wanted this elf by myside for as long as I could live.

Faramir: Hopefully not for long then.

"You're welcome. So, what is your home like?" Legolas asked, steady not to ask too many questions at once.
"Um...well, it's sort of like this, but it has a lot more complicated things. The skies aren't as free and the grass isn't as green,

Kraut: Grass is always greener at the other side of the fence.

but it's good." I answered.
"What's your family like?" He asked.

Eowyn: So much for not too many questions.

"Well, my sister and aunt can be pains, but my mom is as sweet as can be. My dad yells at me most of the time, so I really don't know what he's like.

Pippin: Hard. Maybe he wouldn’t yell if you were at least commonly civil and obedient, not like you now are.

What about yours?" I asked.
"My father is an evil man

Kraut: Suethor dogma One: Thranduil. Must. Be. Evil.

that locked Gimli's father up. My mother died when I was young. I have an okay life if you look at it in a positive way." I gulped and looked at him with an awe stricken face.

Kätchen (as Shadow): What? People do have real problems? That cannot possibly be!

"Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." I shook my head.
"It's okay. I wanted to know." I explained. I looked away, but Legolas asked me another question. I turned my attention back to him.
"So...did you have any friends back at home?" Legolas asked. I nodded.
"Uh-huh. I had a lot!

Faramir: All of them flattering and lying bastards.

They were great, but I some how didn't fit in and I always knew it. I could never keep a boyfriend."

Eowyn: I do not wonder that after I have read ten chapters about you. Or, master Kraut, do men in your world like women like Shadow?
Kraut (surprised): Uh, well, at least I wouldn’t.
Kätchen (teasingly): You only say so because I am here.
Kraut: No, I’m serious! No guy that I know is masochistic enough to date with that… thing!


I answered. Legolas looked at me starngely, like a hint of jealous blew over him.
"Do you have anyone back at home?" He questioned.
"As in a boyfriend? Oh, no!" I said, shaking my head. I played with the water in the fountain.

Faramir: Kids, don’t go into water without an adult being nearby.

I stroked my hand back and forth. "Amazing."
"What is?" He asked.
"How water can move so elegantly, and yet convert back to it's original form. And how it can make so many colors just by a fragment of light." I replied.

Pippin (dryly): Big deal. That’s the way liquids generally are.

Legolas looked shocked.
"What? Did I say something wrong?" I asked, picking my hand out of the water.
"No. It's just I never thought of you as s very smart young woman."

Faramir (as Legolas): And now I think so even less.

He retorted. I glared at him.
"Oh yeah? Well, don't judge a book by it's cover!" I then splashed Legolas. I soaked his hair.
"You did not just do that!" He growled. I smirked.
"Want to bet?" He then chased me around the water fountain

Eowyn: And there was murder in his eyes.

until I gave in and fell on the ground. I was laying on my back looking up into the dark trees when his appearence casted over me.

Pippin: Holding a nasty, sharp knife.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

Pippin: Damn.
I smirked again, grabbed his shirt, and pulled him down on the ground.

Kraut: Hey, hey, hold your horses! That’s a bit too straightforward if I may say that.

We laughed in unison. We stared up in the trees' abyss.
"It's beautiful here." I said outloud.
"Yeah. If you think this is magnificent, you should come to my home. It's amazing in the fall!"

Kätchen (as Legolas): With the spiders, all-covering darkness and all. Kind of gothic dream and all for free!

Legolas said, lying on his side, his head proped up on his hand.
"That sounds like an invite." I summoned.
"Well, promise me you'll come with me if we finish out our task." He asked. I smiled. He was beginning to grow on me.

All (switch uncomfortably.)
Faramir: They were THAT near each other?


"I promise." I answered. He smiled. He got up and pulled me right off the ground. He swung me around in the air.

Eowyn: And hurled you against the nearest tree. The End.

I spread out my arms and it felt as if I were flying.

Kraut: Someone has seen Titanic lately. Not a wonder a Suethor likes that crappy a movie.
Kätchen (irritably): Hey! I like it, too.
Kraut: Your movie taste is the one thing in you I dislike.
Kätchen: That’s rich, seeing you watch Steven Seagal’s movies!
Pippin (clearing his throat): If I may interrupt for a moment, shouldn’t we concentrate on the business at hand?
Kraut and Kätchen (look embarrassed.)
Kraut: Sorry, Käthe, this fic is just cracking my nerves.
Kätchen: Yeah, mine too.


He finally set me down. I saw how the blue lights from around made Legolas glow. He looked amazing! I smiled. He placed his hand on my cheek and stroked his thumb across my cheek. I held his hand while he caressed my cheek. Out of nowhere, a hoard of fireflies shot out of the trees.

Faramir: Even they were bored and annoyed by this stupid romance scene.

We were surrounded by blue lights. They circled around us, just like magic. I looked from the fireflies to see Legolas peering at me.
"What?" I asked. He placed his finger over my mouth to make me shut up.

Eowyn: Good, Legolas. We still don’t want read her speeches.

My heart throbbed so hard in my chest, I thought it was going to burst out.

Pippin: Which it promptly did, leaving a gaping wound. The end.

He slowly leaned into me, he being taller so he leaned downward. His lips felt like velvety ice cream.

Kraut: Either he has a very bad cold or he’s dead.

It was cold, and so satisfying!

Pippin: It was like beer?

I put my hands on his arms. He laid his head on my forhead.
"Dont' be afraid. I won't hurt you." I then noticed I was shaking. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into him. This feeling, like we were both one, was phenomenal!

Faramir: The cheesiness of this all is phenomenal.

I hestitated the kissing. He leaned his forehead on mine again. "Okay. I'll stop. I know it's too fast.

All: Phew!

I'm sorry." He apologized. I was still shaking. He pulled back to see my face.
"What do you fear?" He asked.
"I don't fear anything. Not Saruman, or anything."

Eowyn (as Shadow): What then if I had an affair with Saruman once? He has no right to be jealous, at least not anymore.

I shook more vilantly. He wrapped one of his arms around my waist and the other hand he put on my neck, which was surrounded by my hair.
"I know you fear nothing of that sort. You shouldn't. You have me. But, why do you shake when I touch you?" He asked, pain in his voice, ready to come out at any moment.

Pippin: Legolas, maybe she’s just excited or timid. Aren’t you overreacting a little?

"It's just...I've never felt this way about anyone before. The first time I saw you I felt this. It's so overwhelming." I laid my head on his chest. I smelled his sweet scent. My shaking was subsiding. He hugged me a little tighter.
"I know the feeling. I'm crazy about you."

Kätchen (Throws up into the bucket.)

He then took my hand with the arm that was wrapped around my waist. He led me around the fountain and to a rug on the ground. It's as if he's planned this.

Kraut: Maybe he had. He thought you to be an easy one, and it seems he didn’t err.

He sat, still holding my hand. He pulled me down. I sat in between his legs, my back pressing agains his thighs. I leaned back and laid on him.

Kraut (makes chicken noises.)

"Tell me if I hurt you." I warned.
"Why would you hurt me?" He asked.
"Well, when I went out with humans in my world, when I tried to get close, I shocked them."

Faramir: By your egotism, your lack of manners, your idiocy or the combination of those three?

I answered. I was now completely against him.

Eowyn: Huh? But they were so lovey-dovey only a moment ago.

He pulled my head back to where it was under his chin and he kissed my forehead, sending a tingling feeling down through my body.
"Never." He whispered.

Pippin (as Legolas): Never will I lay my hands on you again, let alone my lips. What was I thinking?

We sat silently, staring up at the floating fireflies, shining against the darkness of the trees. I soon was sick of the silence.

Kätchen: And we are sick of you.

"Legolas?" I asked.
"Yes?" He replied.
"What do you think will happen?"

Kraut (as Legolas): Between us two? Nothing, if I have any say in the matter.

I wanted to know what he thought. I was scared. Of the future, of the outcome, of loosing my one true love. He sighed and kissed my forehead.
"I believe that Frodo will carry out this journey. I see; you and I riding horses through falling leaves, you standing up on a balcony when I ride from a mission. The most spectaclar thing I see is your back facing me, your hair flowing with the wind, wiping behind at me.

Faramir (as Legolas): ‘Cause then I don’t have to see your face.

You are stroking your stomach. I walk up behind you and place my hands on your stomach. I hear myself whisper, 'How was she today'. I feel the movement in your belly. I stroke your hair back and feel your soft cheeks against mine.

Eowyn (vomits): Ugh.
Faramir (worriedly): Are you better now?
Eowyn: Yes, I think so.


The feeling of something living inside you overwhelms you.

Kraut: Remember Aliens? It might not be a baby…

I kiss you and we dance to our own music upon that balcony; that's what I see." He answered. I then cried silently to myself.
"If only that were to happen."

Kätchen: Too bad it’s not very likely.

I sighed, a tear rolling down my cheek. Legolas then sat up, his stomach against mine. He put his arms over my chest and held me. He then placed one of his hands on my stomach.
"But it is to come." Oh how I wish that were the real outcome. But who would know the real ending of this long journey?

Faramir: Well, for you I will foresee a speedy and painful ending if you go on bungling like this.
(All exit.)

"Ha! Wonnige Glut! Leuchtender Glanz!
Strahlend nun offen steht mir die Straße.
Im Feuer mich baden!"
- Siegfried, Act Three, Scene Two.
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Caranthol
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At Journey's End
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Chapter 11: The Mirror of Galadriel with Fates Untold
I was sitting beside Legolas, who was asleep. I watched as Galadriel walked off and Frodo followed. I kissed Legolas's cheek, and went off to investigate.

Faramir: Curiosity killed the cat, Shadow.

I hid behind trees to follow Frodo and Galadriel to a table with a tray ontop of it. Galadriel walks over to the fountain nearby, a different fountain,

Eowyn: In what way was it different?

and fills a jug of water with it. After gracefully walking over to the table, Galadriel asks Frodo,
"Will you look into the mirror?" Frodo was hesitant.
"What will I see?" Frodo asked.

Kraut (as Galadriel): It depends, but I think it’s time for news broadcast. After that we’ll watch an action movie, okay?

"Even the wisest cannot tell. For the mirror shows many things." Galadriel then fill the tray with the water from the jug. That must be what she means as the mirror, I thought.

Kätchen: Welcome to the Army, Private!

"Things that were, things that are,

Kraut: I told you it’s news broadcast!

and some things that have not yet come to pass." Galadriel spoke. Frodo looked into the mirror. I could not see what he saw, but his face looked in horror. The water then began to steam after Frodo looked up.
"I know what it was that you saw. For it is also in my mind." Galadriel explained. Frodo and Galadriel stood silent for a moment when Frodo asked,
"If you ask it of me, I will give you the One Ring." I was about to squeel,

Pippin (as Shadow): Squee! Galadriel has the Ring, I’m so excited!

but held myself back. Frodo held the ring out to Galadriel.
"You offer it to me freely. I do not deny that my heart has greatly desired this." Galadriel then walked slowly to Frdo, her hand outstretched. "In the place of a Dark Lord, you will have a QUEEN!" She then changes into what seems like a demonic person seems very powerful.
"NOT DARK, BUT BEAUTIFUL AND TERRIBLE AS THE DAWN! TREACHEROUS AS THE SEA! sTRONGER THAN THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE EARTH! ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR." I gasp to myself.

Kätchen (as Shadow): Wow, someone’s Caps Lock key has really stuck!

Galadriel then turns back to normal, breathing heavily as if trying to catch her breath. "I pass the test. I will diminish, and go into the West, and remain Galadriel." I sighed in relief.
"I cannot do this alone." Frodo was like a little child at that moment.

Faramir: He was not. He was still fifty, savvy?

"You are a Ring-bearer, Frodo. To bear a Ring of Power is to be alone. This task was appointed to you. And if you do not find a way, no one will." Galladriel spoke the truth.
"Then I know what I must do. It's just, I'm afraid to do it." Frodo then seemed more innocent. I wanted to jump out and hug him, but I ceased.

Eowyn: Since seeing her, Frodo drew the Sting.
Pippin (as Frodo): By Elbereth and Lúthien the Fair, you shall have neither the Ring nor me!


Galadriel bent down towards Frodo.
"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future." Frodo then closed his hand over the ring.
Frodo walked back to the campsite. I watched as Galadriel went over and filled the jug back up with water. While the jug was filling up, Galadriel spoke outloud,
"You may come from your hiding place, Shadow." I nearly jumped, but did as told. I blushed.
"I knew you were there the whole time. Now, it is your turn." Galadriel said, again filling up the tray. I slowly walked over to the table. Galadriel placed the jug down beside the tray and looked to me. "Do not be afraid."

Kraut (as Galadriel): There’s the horror movie Omen about to begin.

I looked up to her.
"I fear nothing." I bravely said.

Kätchen: More correctly, stupidly said.

"Do you? Even the largest person fears something." Galadriel said, as I looked into the mirror. What I saw, it was heartthrobbing.
I saw everyone dying.

Pippin: Oh, that’s cheery.

Frodo didn't finish his quest. The world which I came to know and love was being destroyed by such evil. After a few seconds of watching my friends suffering for their lives, I slammed my fists into the water.

Faramir (as Galadriel): Don’t touch the water.

The tray flipped back behind me and hit the tree I had hid behind.

Eowyn: Isn’t it nice how her first reaction to most things is violence or talking bullshit?

"That is what will come if you don't try to help. You are greatly needed, even if you think you are not.

Kraut: Yeah, right! Come on, Galadriel, please say you are joking.

The fate of all is in your hands, along with Frodo.

Kätchen (as Galadriel): Uh, yeah, Frodo has something to do, as well, I only don’t remember what. Back to business, that is your supreme importance, Shadow.

Do not give up, for all of our sakes. You will want to be happy, won't you?"

Faramir: ‘Will you not?’ That’s the way Elves talk.

Galadriel had placed her hands on my shoulders as I looked to the ground, tears in my eyes. She lifted up my chin. Tears soaked my cheeks.
"You are very different. I know you, somehow. But I know that you will succeed. I just believe in you, like Legolas does."

Pippin (deadpan): Well, if Legolas thinks so it surely must be true.

Galadriel embraced me, and I her. She patted my back, like a mother. I

Kraut (as Shadow): Burped. Then she changed my diapers and placed me back to the cradle.

pulled back.
"But, why was my fate not shown in the mirror?" I asked.

Kätchen: Because the mirror is canon-friendly.

"That is completely untold. I do not even know the answer.

Eowyn (as Galadriel): Ask Kuragari, she is the person who wrote this.

Only you will find it out. Be brave, Shadow. You will finish what you were brought here to do."

Pippin: I would seriously like to know what exactly that is.
Faramir: Me too.


I nodded, thanked her, and walked back to camp.
Legolas was up, sitting at the fountain. He was tracing his fingers over the water. I walked around the fountain, him looking up and seeing me. He got up, but I held up my hands, showing him to sit back down, which he did. I sat down beside him. My face felt blank, and Legolas saw that.
"Where were you?" He asked, caringly.
"I followed Frodo to another fountain. He was off to think. I comforted him." I partly lied.

Eowyn: Without any good reason whatsoever.
Kätchen: Shadow, that’s called pathological lying.


Legolas smiled.
"You are so caring." He took my hand and kissed it. I smiled partly. Yeah, if only I were as caring as you think, I thought.

Pippin: I can’t see a good future for their relationship if it’s like this. Legolas hasn’t the slightest clue of what a bitch Shadow is.

We elves never slept, hardly. The next few weeks, Aragorn and Legolas were training the hobbits and me. I mainly loved training with Legolas, for vertain reasons. (hehehe)

(Bored, fake laughter.)
Kraut (sarcastically): Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Beats any sitcom I’ve seen.


He taught me how to shoot a bow and arrows.
"Now, shoot for the target." Legolas had given me a bow. I stood dumbfounded, standing straight in front of the target. I looked at him with puppy eyes,

Eowyn (as Shadow): Woof! Woof!

so I wouldn't have to embarass myself.

Faramir (sighing): Once again, no pain, no gain. Shadow, you can’t learn by staring.

He rolled his eyes and walked up behind me.
"Very well. Okay, now keep you body balanced. You will want your elbow to stick out like so." He showed me, holding my elbow out. "And target the arrow where you wish it to go.

Eowyn: Erm, shouldn’t she aim above the target, the angle depending on the distance?
Faramir: Yes.
Kätchen: Kuragari, a bow is not a rifle.


When targeting, close one eye, your left, and aim. Now, pull back the arrow, but don't let go." I did as told. He held my arms up. "Breathe steadily," He held my stomach. "Now, make sure your finger touches your mouth when you are about to let go. And when I say, let go. NOW!" And when he said so, the arrow flew as fast as a bullet

Kraut: An airgun bullet, maybe, and I doubt even that.

and hit near the red dot. I gasped. I jumped up and down.

Pippin: No noticing some elves who were running towards her, holding a straitjacket ready.

"Very well done. Now do it without me." Legolas stepped far back from me, giving me room to adjust myself. I did as he told, but only got it a little a way from where the other arrow landed. I smiled, but I wasn't all that happy.

Faramir: What, did you expect to be a professional at your first try?
Eowyn: Of course she did.


I turned to him, I smiled an evil smile.
"Why are you looking at me like that for?" He looked terrified.

Pippin (as Legolas): Oh, crap, she finally cracked! She’ll shoot me!

I then ran at him, he ran from me. We ran around the archery field. I finally caught him and pulled him to the ground. I was on top of him, holding his wrists to the ground.

Kraut: That’s pathetic. Shadow, you have taken the term ‘chase men’ to new dimensions.

"You caught me." He said, smiling. I nodded.
"Yes I did." I replied.
"What are you going to do with me? Torture?"

Kätchen: Her very existence is a torture to all near her.

He asked. I smiled evilly again.
"I was thinking about something different, but that's an even better idea." Legolas looked terrified. I laughed. "Just kiding." I bent down, my body pressed against his, and kissed him. He took my arms and wrapped them around his neck.

All: Yurgh.
Faramir: Oh, Eru, don’t let them do that!


He searched down my hips, but I pulled back.

Faramir: Phew.

"Whoa now, Mr. Frisky. It's not time for that."

Eowyn: May I remind who started all this?

I said smiling. He smiled back.

Pippin: Which took an effort from him. Shadow, you must be the most frustrating girlfriend ever.

He eskimo kissed me, and then pulled me into him, my breast pressed on him. He rolled over, pinning my wrists to the ground know.
"Ah-hah! Got you!" He said, he then evilly grinned. I grimmaced.
"Oh no! What are you going to do?" I acted like I was a wimpy damsel.

Kraut: Which is better than your normal ways.

"I am going to torture you." He said, still smiling.
"How so?" I asked in my regular voice.
"Like this." He then held both my wrists to the ground with one hand and started to tickle me.
"No! Stop! Legolas! Stop!" I laughed and so did he. He lifted up my shirt

Kätchen (as Legolas, stupid voice): Duh-huh-huh, I wanna see boobs…

and blew on my stomach.
"Hey! That's mine!" I said, pulling his head off my belly.
"Now, it's mine!" He blew on it again. I laughed and pushed him off. But he rebounded and landed on my boobs.
"Ow!" I cried. That really hurt.

All: Yes!

Legolas took himself off my body faster than you could say "I".
"Are you alright?" He asked in sympathy. I reached for my chest, but held my hands to the place between my boobs.
"Now, now. Try to remember I am female, and I can get hurt easily."

Pippin: Too late to use that excuse, miss. Hadn’t you insisted that you were as tough as the guys?

I said in a scientifical voice. He smiled.
"Did I press too hard?" He asked, smiling regularly.

Kraut (as Legolas): Oh, it’s already three o’clock. Time for the daily smile!

I nodded. "I'm sorry." He apologized. I smiled, grabbed his neck, and slowly pulled his lips onto mine.
"I'll fogive you." I said between a kiss. I pulled his waist onto mine slowly. He rolled over and placed me safely ontop. I kissed down his neck and started to open his shirt when he stopped me.

Kätchen (as Legolas): Now it’s my turn to play a prude, you wench!

I looked at him and he pointed up. I looked at what he had pointed at and it was Aragorn.

Faramir: Who was looking horrified and disgusted.

I slid off of him quickly. I blushed. We both shot up off the ground blushing.
"Why didn't I get the word in this? Legolas, why didn't you tell me?"

Eowyn (as Legolas): Because it was none of your business. I am not your boyfriend or anything.

Aragorn asked, placing his arm over my shoulders.
"Ah, but there are some things left to be unsaid." Legolas replied. Aragorn then let go of me and put his arm around Legolas's shoulders.
"Do you mind if I steal him for a second, Shade? We need to talk in private."

Pippin (as Aragorn): No offence but I must talk him out of this… whatever you are having.

I smiled and said of course they could. So they walked off. Once out of sight, I turned around, but jumped back in fear.
A stange elf

Kraut: Haldir?
Kätchen: Celeborn?
Faramir: Ëol?


had been standing behind me, but was now in front of me.
"Hello, wench. Miss me?" He asked.

Faramir (gasping): Judging from speech it’s not an Elf, but…
Eowyn: Suethor version of Boromir? Only a guess.
Faramir: No! It is him!


He grabbed my hair and pulled my face to his. He tried to kiss me, but I bit his lip. He kicked me in the stomach and I fell to the ground!

Pippin: Huh? Boromir would never have treated a woman like this, not even a Sue. Not that she doesn’t deserve a beating…

I coughed in pain. He grabbed my hair again, but pulled harder, pushing my face into the ground.
"Now why would you do such a thing? I just wanted to play.

Kraut: With HER? Kuragari, are you serious?

Now I have to get rough."

Kätchen: Well, what have you been this far, then?

He pulled me up and grabbed my arm. With his other hand, grabbed the back of my thigh, and pressed himself against me.

Faramir (horrified and angry): Kuragari, stop this! Whatever Boromir did, he doesn’t deserve this kind of slander!

I spat in his face.
"How dare you!" I growled, but he only tugged my hair harder. I howled in pain, falling to my knees. He suddenly grabbed my breast, and then ripped my shirt open.

Eowyn: Why do everyone want to see her boobs?

"You are going to pay for that!" Boromir yelled. He punched me,

Pippin: Go, Boromir, go! Forget the rape, just beat the Sue up!

and I all I remember was darkness. Just before I fell into the abyss, I heard a familiar voice scream out my name.

I awoke to find Legolas holding my hand. He had him head laying beside me. I smiled and reached to touch his blonde hair. He was laying his head down, listening to my breathing. When I touched his head, he looked up.
"Shade! You're awake." He hugged me, but I hissed in pain. "Sorry!" He apologised. I nodded. I tried to sit up, but when I did, a HUGE shock of pain shot from my stomach to all around my body.

Kraut: I must be turning sadistic, but I actually like reading of her in pain.
Kätchen: Funny, so do I.


"OWWW!" I yelled. Legolas gently pushed me back onto the pillow I sat upon. Legolas's eyes were full of pain. I then remembered what had happened. "I thought elves can't get hurt?" I asked.

Faramir: Wrong. They can, only they heal faster.

My voice sounded very weak.
"We can. But some are immortal.

Eowyn: All Elves are immortal, you mean.

You don't seem to be.

Pippin (scratching his head): She was a half-Elf?

That's why you are hurt." Legolas answered. His voice was blank, filled with sadness.
"What...did Boromir-" Legolas shook his head. I sighed in relief.

All (sigh in relief.)

"Thank goodness."

Faramir: For once I must agree with Shadow.

"You are seriously injured. You need to stay still." He warned. He brucshed the loose hair out of my face. I leaned my head back and breathed deeply. "Are you okay?" He asked. I nodded. I then heard his breaths get faster.
"Where's Boromir?" I asked, not opening my eyes.
"Far from you." Legolas said. I could feel him looking at me. I lowered my head and looked to him.
"What happened? I just remember blacking out. But there was someone calling before that." I wanted to know.
"Aragorn had taken me a distance away when I heard you scream. I ran and found Boromir ripping off your clothes. I puched him and was going to kill him if it wasn't for Aragorn.

Eowyn (laughing): Kill him? In a one-against-one-fistfight against Boromir Legolas’s chances would have been those of a snowball in Mount Doom.

I ran to you. I carried you here and had a doctor

Kraut: A healer, rather. Or was there something like a General Hospital of Lórien?

look at you. He said you had a broken rib and a fractured wrist. Then you slept here for a couple days." He explained. I then felt tears well up in my eyes. He sighed. "Oh, Shade, don't cry. I swear I'll kill him if he ever tries to get near you again!"

Kätchen: I wonder why he did try that even for the first time.

Legolas yelled, looking from me. I turned his face back to me and smiled. "Why are you smiling? What he did was beyond anything!" Legolas's face grew red. I spoke quietly.
"Don't be mad. I'm alive. I made it. It's alright." I then breathed heavily. It was hard to talk with my chest hurting.

Pippin: Then do us a favour and keep quiet.

"Don't talk. I know it must hurt." He cried. I thought I saw a tear in his eye. I breathed more. I then mumbled,
"Please, stay here with me. I'm scared." I started to sob again.

Faramir (as Shadow): Time for some false tears. Maybe Legolas will comfort me.

He got up and embraced me, more gentle then the last time.
"How could he do such a thing to you!" Legolas whispered. I felt something wet hit my shoulder. "I can't loose you!"

Eowyn: Oh, you could if you came to your senses again.

I knew he was crying. I reached my arm over his back and rubbed it.

Pippin (confusedly): She’s comforting him? But she was the one who was injured?
Kraut: Kuragari must show how sensitive Legolas is. How pansy, that is.


"Shh. I'm here. I won't leave you, ever.

Kätchen: Was that a threat?

I promise." I did want to promise him that, but I didn't know the answer to that. He sighed.
"Alright." He said, his voice quavering. I knew from that moment on that if he lost me, he wouldn't make it.

Faramir: Shadow, you are not the centre of universe. You should learn that.

I had to make it through this journey, that is for certain.

Eowyn: No, it isn’t.
(All exit.)

"Ha! Wonnige Glut! Leuchtender Glanz!
Strahlend nun offen steht mir die Straße.
Im Feuer mich baden!"
- Siegfried, Act Three, Scene Two.
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Caranthol
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At Journey's End
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

I know it's been a while since I've last written, and I apologize. I've been busy with school work! I hope you like this part.

Faramir: I think we won’t, but thanks for the nice words.

Mainly action, but cool, in a way.

Eowyn: Read: Lousy in more ways than one.

The next chapter will be better!

Pippin: That’s excellent if you are serious in saying that.

Chapter 12: Farewell Lorien and Orcs!
We were trained, mainly me, but we soon had to leave. I did not want to leave the enchanted place, which I grew to love, but I had to go on.

Kraut: Oh, no, you hadn’t. Galadriel and Celeborn did offer all the chance to go back.

We set up our boats; the elves gave us this kind of bread that was said to fill a human man’s stomach with just one bite! It was called, lembas bread. OMG! It wouldn’t even surprise you readers that Pippin ate about four lembas breads!

Kätchen (grins): Actually it doesn’t surprise me.
Pippin (defensively): I was a growing boy then.
Kätchen: Come on, you were twenty-nine!
Pippin: Oh, well, I meant horizontally growing.


I tasted it, and it was quite enjoyable. Oh, sorry about the rambling of food!
Galadriel stood in front of our fellowship, everyone in a straight line. She gave gifts to everyone to help out our journey. Aragorn received nothing at all,

Eowyn: Huh? What about Elessar, then?

but was shown what a great gift the star Arwen gave him. I sighed when she said so, and Legolas smiled. Merry and Pippin received the two daggers of the Noldorin.

Pippin: Wrong. We received silver belts.

Galadriel spoke of the swords’ service at war.

Faramir (as Galadriel): You know, the swords are useful and stuff in a fight.

Next, Sam was given some kind of special rope. I held myself to not laugh, when Sam begged for a dagger,

Kraut: I feel bad for Sam. In this story he never gets what he wants.
Kätchen: Indeed. He didn’t even get the little box like in the book.


but trotted off with his rope. I smiled. Then, Boromir. I didn’t listen to what Boromir retrieved, for Legolas took my hand and kept me looking at him. Boromir walked off and then it was Gimli’s turn.
“And what gift would a dwarf ask from elves?” Galadriel asked. Gimli made no eye contact with Galadriel, but asked for nothing. Later I found that he had asked for locks of Galadriel’s hair.

Faramir: Had he done that telepatchically or with sign language if Shadow heard nothing?

After that, was Legolas. He received what Galadriel called, “a bow of the Galadhrim, worthy of the skill of our woodland kin.” He took the sword

Eowyn: Kuragari, was it a bow or a sword?
Pippin: Or a combination of the two?


from her and stepped aside to wait for me. I stepped forward to receive my gift.
“Ms. Shade. I have thought long and hard of what to give you.

Kraut (as Galadriel): And came to a conclusion you don’t deserve anything.

I finally found an answer. You will not retrieve a gift, but two. I give you my necklace of Lothlorien. It stows great powers, so use it carefully.”
She placed the necklace over my neck, perfectly fitting as if it were made for me. It was like Aragorn’s necklace, but it was more feminine.

Kätchen: Come on, that’s just lazy from you, Kuragari! Can’t you even invent anything else but a plagiate of Elessar?

It was GORGOUS!
“And my last gift to you, is the dress of a queen.

Faramir (laughing): Is she going to a ball or to war?

It is made out of the lightest methril that also feels like silk.

Eowyn: Which is not only impossible but also stupid.

I hope you enjoy this dress as my mother did.” Galadriel handed me a silver dress that looked like Frodo’s methril shirt, but when the sun captured its glimmer, it shown as if it were made from a rainbow.

Pippin: Hopefully not if it’s meant to avert arrows and sword blows.

“Oh my! Thank you!” I then hugged Galadriel. At first Galadriel hesitated,

Kätchen: Not knowing if she should push her away or call the guards.

but hugged me too! I smiled to her, took Legolas’s hand, and we started to walk off. Galadriel then said to me,
“Beware of what may lie ahead. Love will take you far, so believe in yourself.” I smiled. Legolas saw me smile and, while walking, asked, “Why are you smiling?”
“Oh, it’s just my guardian angel.” I smiled and walked on. Legolas by my side. He smiled too.

Kraut (singing): Smile tho’ your heart is aching, smile even though it’s breaking…

We both hopped onto the boats, but had to wait for Frodo to go through the next step in our journey. Frodo appeared soon, and got into the boat with Sam and Aragorn. I rode with Legolas and Gimli while Pippin and Merry, bless their hearts,

Pippin: Oh, thank you!

had to ride with Boromir.
We set sail.

Pippin: To point out a small detail, though, the boats didn’t have masts.

I loved to sail! We came upon these humongous statues of two kings that looked as if they were about to start singing, “Stop, in the name of love!”

Kätchen (grimaces): The worst joke ever.
Eowyn: Seems Shadow wasn’t overtly impressed by Argonath then.


They held their hands out at us. I started to sing that song when everyone laughed at me, except Boromir, who rolled his eyes.

Faramir: Because he still had his wits and sense of humour intact.

We finally made it to shore. Legolas helped me off the boat by lifting me up.

Kraut (as Legolas): I told you already at Caradhras: Move your sorry arse!

“We cross the lake at nightfall, hide the boats, and continue on foot. We approach Mordor from the north.” Aragorn announced. I nodded.
“Oh, yes? Just a simple matter of finding our way through Emyn Muil? An impassable labyrinth of razor-sharp rocks? And after that, it gets even better! Festering, stinking marshlands, as far as the eye can see!” Gimli mumbled.
“That is our road. I suggest you take some rest and recover your strength, Master Dwarf.” Aragorn said. I never really got men. Why didn’t they just call each other by name?

Pippin: It is not because of our sex, Shadow, but because of a widespread custom. I don’t expect you to understand that, though, or anything else for that matter.

“Recover my... phfwahh...” Gimli muttered.

Eowyn (as Gimli, stupid voice): Strength? What was that again?

“We should leave now.” Legolas said to Aragorn.
“No. Orcs patrol the eastern shore. We must wait for the cover of darkness.” Aragorn stated.
“It is not the eastern shore that worries me. A shadow and a threat has been growing in my mind. Something draws near. I can feel it.” I nodded.
“I feel it too, Aragorn.” I proclaimed.

Kraut (as Shadow): Time to remind them of my existence. No matter I have nothing intelligent to say.

“Recover strength...” Gimli spoke to Pippin. Pay no heed to that, young Hobbit.”
Merry then asked, “Where's Frodo?” Everyone looked around to find Frodo nowhere, and Boromir too! Oh no, I thought, this isn’t good.
I followed my instinct, the opposite direction of Legolas.

Kätchen: Then why are you heels over head for him?

I walked through the woods, not calling Frodo’s name due to Boromir’s presence.

Faramir: Which was only stupid. Even (swallows hard, muttering) Oh, Eru, I hate saying this… Even if he had once tried to rape Shadow, he surely wouldn’t have been stupid enough to try again with the others so near.

I suddenly heard voices and hid behind the tree I was near.
Up ahead of me were Frodo and Boromir. Boromir seemed to be carrying wood. I saw that they were having a conversation, but one involving Boromir wasn’t a good topic.

Eowyn: Shadow, your prejudice is not necessarily the truth.

Boromir walked towards Frodo, who backed away.
“We're all afraid, Frodo, but to let that fear drive us to destroy what hope we have. Don't you see, it's madness.” Boromir said to Frodo. His voice sent a chill up my spine.
“There is no other way.” Frodo announced.
“I ask only for the strength to defend my people!” Boromir stops angrily and throws down the firewood; he had been collecting, to the ground. “If you would but lend me the Ring…” Boromir is still walking at Frodo.
“No!” Frodo growled, backing away.
“Why do you recoil? I am no thief!” Boromir seemed frustrated.
“You are not yourself!” Frodo warned. Now’s my chance! I thought. I then leaped out from behind the tree, and I was behind Boromir.
“Stop! You will not harm him!” I warned, my voice deep with hatred. Boromir slowly turned to me, with an evil smirk on his face.

Pippin (as Boromir): I need my time to practice that smirk, you know.

“And what is a female supposed to do about it?” He asked, being as sexist as ever.

Faramir (wearily): Which he wasn’t. (Angrily) Stop slandering him!

“I warned you! Now back off!” I yelled, but now Boromir was walking towards me, with hate in his eyes.

Kraut (as Boromir). You have destroyed my character and reduced me to being like this! You will pay for that!

“Now, now. I will not harm him. I just wanted what’s rightfully mine.” Boromir said, still progressing towards me. I was backed up against a tree; the tree I had been hiding behind.

Kätchen: I’m sure that’s very, very important for the plot.

“He will take the ring to Sauron! I can see it!” Boromir yelled.
“No he won’t! You know good and well!” I ran to my right, around Boromir, and stood in front of Frodo. “I know we can do this; he can do it!” I said, my face burning with pride. Boromir was now again coming towards us! I ran to Boromir, grabbed his arms, and wrestled him to not reach Frodo.
“RUN!” I screamed over my shoulder. Boromir then slapped my face and I fell to the ground.

Faramir: How is she supposed to be of any use if she falls every time she’s slightly slapped?
Eowyn: Well, even Galadriel didn’t seem to know that.


I looked up the see Frodo run away.
“Frodo! No! Don’t run! What have I done?” Boromir was now looking at me. I glared at him. I held my now red cheek in pain. My cheek was stinging and burning. “I’m so sorry, Shadow.” I’m not stupid.

Kätchen: I beg to differ.

I won’t fall for it! I thought.
“I’m so sorry!” Boromir was now stumbling to me. I crawled away.
“I don’t believe you! You have caused so much pain!” I yelled, standing up. Boromir’s eyes were full of hurt.

Pippin (as Boromir): No! I am in a badfic! It can’t be true!
Kraut (as Shadow): But it is! Mwhahahahaha!


All of a sudden, a loud horn call was blown, the sound coming from the direction Frodo ran.
“Frodo!” I whispered.
“Orcs!” Boromir called, unsheathing his sword. I unsheathed the sword Aragorn had given me.

Eowyn: Only it was Elrond who gave it to you, dumbass, you said so earlier.
Faramir: Kuragari, proofreading one’s work is not a sin.


“Hide behind me! I will protect you with my life!” Boromir called. I stood in shock for a moment, but shook my head.
“I’m not here for any reason

Pippin: For once, you are exactly right.

I need some action!”

Kraut: Oh my God, she changed into Arnol Schwarzenegger all of sudden!
Kätchen: Yep, that oneliner would have been worthy of him.


I was now, far away, but beside Boromir, ready to fight what came our way. I then hear shouts. The one’s I recognize are the fellowships’. Legolas, Aragorn, Merry, and Pippin.

Faramir: See how conveniently she forgot to mention Gimli and Sam?

They’re all fighting, or so I think. Boromir then runs toward the fighting. I stood in wonder, but caught up. Up ahead of me, I saw Orcs rounding the corner.

Eowyn: They were in a wood, not in a city, if I may give you a little hint, Kuragari.

Merry and Pippin jumped out from behind the trees and the Orcs charged after them. An Orc swings it’s axe at Pippin, but Boromir blocks the attack and kills the Orc. He then kills many others.

Pippin (sarcastically): This action scene is so thrilling with all these fascinating details! I can hardly breathe!

I run up and take charge. Boromir steps aside for a second and blows his horn. I have never killed anyone in my life,

Kraut: How about Moria, Shadow?
Kätchen: Maybe she was undead then or something?


but the moment I did, I heard Boromir’s voice call after the body thudded to the ground,
“Don’t think! Just kill! They’re enemies!” I nodded, and at that instant chopped my next opponent’s head off. I was getting used to this world, when something went terribly wrong!

Faramir: Believe me, Shadow, after you turned up nothing can go wronger!
(All exit.)

"Ha! Wonnige Glut! Leuchtender Glanz!
Strahlend nun offen steht mir die Straße.
Im Feuer mich baden!"
- Siegfried, Act Three, Scene Two.
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Caranthol
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At Journey's End
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Chapter 13: The Departure of Boromir
This is disgusting, and yet, I love it! I thought, chopping off another Orc’s head. I was now on my adrenaline rush and was loving this!

Faramir: Then you are mad or an Orc. I, for one, have fought at many fields and never have I loved killing.

I listened as Boromir told Merry and Pippin to run. I did the same, even though I could hardly hear my own voice. But then, Boromir runs with the hobbits, while I am completely surrounded.

Eowyn (as Boromir): Come on, Hobbits! We may escape and the Sue will die. That’s what I call an ideal situation.

“Boromir! No!” I yelled, cutting my other opponent’s arm off. I saw that they ran ahead, but were cut off by more Orcs. I swiped at my opponents, shoving my sword through three at once.

Pippin (eyes wide): Seriously?
Faramir (deadpan): Saruman had found a way to make Orcs from cardboard. That way they take less space.
Kätchen: Or they were anorexic.
Kraut: Or Shadow had a sword about one and half meters long.


Nice! But then, I heard the most terrible sound you could ever hear. Boromir then got shot with an arrow in the chest.

Faramir (confusedly): But didn’t you hate him?

“Boromir!“ I yelled, killing the rest of the Orcs that surrounded me, but when I did, more came. As if I were surrounded by a hundred of them.

Eowyn: Maybe you were.

I paid no attention to the Orcs surrounding me, but to Boromir. He tries to fight the Orcs, but gets shot by three more arrows. Merry and Pippin tried to fight their way to Boromir, but were picked up by Orcs and carried away.
“Boromir! NO!“ I yelled, but at that moment, an Orc shoved his sword through my leg.

Pippin (to the Orc): You moron! Why didn’t you aim higher?

“Ahhh!” I screamed out in pain. I still don’t mind my own business,

Kraut: Umm, maybe you should if you want to stay alive.

but watch as one Uruk-hai stands in front of Boromir with a bow and arrow at hand. I didn’t notice that I had fallen to my knees, but felt as another Orc swiped my shoulder.

Kätchen: Wow, those Orcs sure are blind! Shadow only kneels there and they can’t even cut her head off.

I hissed in pain, but cut off that Orc’s leg. I looked up, not wanting to see that a member of my family had fallen dead,

Faramir: Your family was there? Who of them was killed?
Eowyn: Dear, I think she means Boromir.
Faramir (snorts angrily): He, and I, are not related to her. I’d be ashamed if I had one drop of the same blood as she.


but I did not see that vision at all. Aragorn leapt to Boromir’s rescue. Seeing Aragorn gave me hope. I slowly got up, cutting Orcs all around. I now only had about eight around me.

Pippin: And they had just stood there, without having killed her? Why on Earth?
Kätchen: Maybe even they didn’t want to touch the Sue.


I hear Aragorn fighting the Orc behind me, when I hear no more fighting going on behind me. I fear to look to see Aragorn dead, but when I looked behind me, I found Aragorn had chopped off the Uruk-hai’s head. I smiled evilly,

Eowyn (as Shadow): Time to change sides! Mwahahahaha!

and got another adrenaline rush. I swiped, chopped, swished, cut, and clopped at the Orcs in front of me.

Kraut (sarcastically): Who apparently had been polite enough to wait for you to kill them.

I had now only two Orcs heading for me. I looked back to see Aragorn tending to Boromir, who was now lying on the ground. My heart dropped. I felt imaginary tears form in my eyes,

Faramir: Shadow, you have already tried the false tears technique.

for I felt heart ache, but couldn’t in this world.

Pippin: Pray tell why not?

I barged toward the Orcs and hacked both heads off. I swung around to hear Boromir’s voice, but it was very raspy. I ran to his side too!
“Boromir!” I yelled in pain.
“Forgive me. I did not see it. I have failed you all.” Boromir merely whispered. I shook my head, anger in my heart. This enemy of ours better fear me by the end of this!

Eowyn: Ooh, so brave again! I bet that when Sauron hears your threat, he wets his pants… from laughter.

“No Boromir. You have fought bravely. You have kept your honor.” Aragorn replied. Aragorn grasped the arrow, about to take it out when Boromir said,
“Leave it. It is over. The world of Men will fall. And all will come to darkness. My city in ruin.”
“I do not know what strength is in my blood. But I swear to you, I will not let the White City fall. Nor our people fail.” Aragorn spoke in confidence. I nodded.
“I too!” I said.

Kraut (as Aragorn): If you haven’t anything intelligent or noble to add, shut up. We are trying to have a heroic last conversation here and you are interrupting.

“Our people. Our people.” Boromir says to Aragorn, but looks over to me. “I am truly sorry. You are a great warrior,

Kätchen: Yeah, she’s great enough to go daydreaming in the middle of the battle and getting wounded.

and will make it, Ms. Shadow.” Aragorn placed his sword in his hands. I then turned to find Legolas and Gimli watching us with Boromir.
“I would have followed you, my brother. My captain. My King.” And with that, Boromir’s soul was out of our reach.

Faramir (as Boromir’s soul): Finally I’m far enough from that disgusting Sue!

I then tuned out everything around. I barely heard Aragorn announce,
“Be at peace, son of Gondor.” I watch through angry and sad eyes as Aragorn kisses Boromir’s forehead. I then felt two hands on my shoulder. I looked back to see Legolas. I then almost jumped into his arms. When I did so thought, a jolt of pain rang through my body. I had wrapped my arms around his neck, but found darkness.

Eowyn (deadpan): Since it was not Legolas she embraced but a disguised Nazgûl.
Pippin: At least that plot twist would make this crap less dull.


Right before I blacked out,

Kraut: Once again.
Kätchen (as Aragorn): If she can’t keep awake, that’s too bad. Let’s leave her here and go on.


I heard Legolas sigh in relief,
“Shade. You’re okay.”

I woke up to find myself lying on a log while the rest of what’s left of the fellowship sends Boromir’s body floating across the water, in a boat. I sat up, ignoring the pain, and watched as Boromir’s body floated over the waterfall. Legolas turns to see me and bounded to my side.

Faramir (incredulously): From the middle of the lake?
Kraut: In the Olympic Games he would be immediately tested for doping.


“Shade! We must leave. May I carry you?” Legolas kindly asked.

Pippin (as Legolas): Great. Since you are so helpless it seems I must take you as my burden. Yet again.

I smiled

Kätchen (singing): Smile through your fear and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow you’ll see the sun come shining through…

and nodded. But he kneeled in front of me and took my hand. “I am sorry. I couldn’t come for you. But I will. I won’t let you fall.” I nodded. I looked to my leg to find it bandaged up. He stood, turned around, bent down, and lifted my onto his back.
“Hurry! Frodo and Sam have reached the eastern shore.” Legolas starts for the woods, but I said,
“Wait Legolas.” He paused. He looked to Aragorn, who looked to the ground. Legolas and I looked to the woods to see Frodo and Sam running off across the river.

Faramir (as Frodo): Yay! We finally got rid of Shadow!
Eowyn (as Sam): Yes, Mr. Frodo! I doubt even Sauron is nastier than she.


Legolas sighed.
“You mean not to follow them.” Legolas stated.
“Frodo’s fate no longer is in our hands.” Aragorn spoke the truth, but something told me we weren’t going to give up quite yet.
“Then it all has been in vain. The fellowship has failed.” Gimli sadly said. I shook my head in disagreement. Aragorn walked over to Legolas, Gimli and I, and put his hands on Gimli and Legolas. He looked to me also, but I knew he wouldn’t leave me out, but that he only had two hands.

Pippin: Lucky for you. If he had a third I bet he would have punched you with it.

I nodded.
“Not if we hold true to each other.” Aragorn boldly said. I nodded. Gimli then placed his hand on Aragorn’s shoulder.
“We will not abandon Merry and Pippin to torment and death. Not while we have strength left. Leave all that can be spared behind. We travel light. Let's hunt some Orc.” Aragorn smiled.
“YES!” I think Gimli loved that thought! Legolas smiled

Kraut (singing): Smile – What’s the use of crying, you’ll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile…

and looked over his shoulder at me. The three men were now looking at me. I nodded for the third time and said,
“Let’s go hunt some Orc!”

Faramir: Oh, no! The line stealer struck again!

They then started into the woods, me being on Legolas’s back. Now, I don’t know what’s to happen in the future, but I wouldn’t mind killing that Sauron guy myself!

Eowyn (snorts): I’d like to see you to try. If I may boast I am made of a bit sterner stuff than you and I still had trouble enough with the Witch-King.

This was only the beginning to a very long journey that I was lucky and happy to be a part of.

Pippin: Sure enough if you hadn’t even use your own legs.

So? What did you think?

Kraut: I’m not sure if you really want to hear it.

I know there are a LOT of errors,

Kätchen (sarcastically): Oh, REALLY?

but if you'd like to edit, then help me out!

Faramir: Kuragari, now you are only downright lazy. Do your own editing.

I also have the second part to this up now, and it's called More Worlds Than One 2!

All (pale.)
Eowyn: Oh, no…
Kätchen: Well at least half of this horror is then over.
Kraut: Small comfort.


I know, I know...very confusing, but hey, that's me!

All (grimace.)
(All exit.)
"Ha! Wonnige Glut! Leuchtender Glanz!
Strahlend nun offen steht mir die Straße.
Im Feuer mich baden!"
- Siegfried, Act Three, Scene Two.
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