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[REVIEW] MST: Dreams can come true!; Advice is welcome.
Topic Started: Dec 9 2008, 10:53 PM (566 Views)
Refia
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Paying Tribute to the Past
MST: Dreams can come true!

Read the story here.

Images of the sporkers (click the names to see):
Sesshoumaru (From the anime/manga "InuYasha")
Mia (From the GBA game "Golden Sun")
Refia (From the DS game "Final Fantasy III")
Toa Ignika (From "Bionicle")

Comments? Advice? Anything?
[align=center]“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”
[/align]
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Siany-T
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King of Nothing
Nice MST Refie!

Quote:
 
books, they had food, books,

Erm I think you may have meant something else since you said they had books as well as books.

Quote:
 
this is about Gwen who just wants to get away from the horrible reality and to live in her dreams.

*Mary-Sue alarm goes off* Jack I thought you had disabled that. But I agree I smell a Sue.

Quote:
 
Eye color: Brown with green spots

Because someone had punched her in the head and she was dizzy.

Quote:
 
big boobs ;P.

What's the betting that they will not be the hinderance they really are?

Quote:
 
Sesshoumaru: Nothing happened.

Except a pointless description that could have been woven into the story.
Merlin: Thank you.
Arthur: For what? For lying to my father to save your worthless hide? If you ever put me in that situation again, Merlin, I will clap you irons myself.
Merlin, Series 2


David: Oh and John. My TARDIS... mine. Say sorry.
John: Sorry.
Tonight's the Night: Doctor Who Special


Team Demyx - 'cause that is how I roll!
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MackenzieW
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Resident Time Lady
Quote:
 
Character Info:


Not even the first chapter and the author has already achieved a fail.

Quote:
 
Refia: Ignika’s right. Why should the author have to give us that before the story even starts? I mean, a good writer can tell us this stuff through normal chapters and good writing, right?
Mia: Maybe because the author isn’t a good writer?


DING DING! We have a winner!

Quote:
 
Name: Gwen Stanford

Refia: Now, normally I’d say that isn’t that usual a name,


Actually, that's a pretty usual name.

Has the curves in the right places and big boobs ;P.

Well at least she's not terribly thin, but probably has an A cup so doesn't realize how much big boobs could get in the way.

Quote:
 
Legolas!!! Reading fan fiction, watching anime. Etc


Why do I think this was copied straight out of the author's MySpace profile?

Quote:
 
she lives on her own because her school was in another city but keeps contact with her mother.

Mia: Now, I know I’m seventeen and that I went out on a quest to save the world with a group of people all under the eighteen, but regardless I think eighteen is a bit too young to live on your own, especially when you don’t like to study.
Refia: *shrugs* Different times, different ways, I guess.


Actually, if she's eighteen, she's probably in college. Meaning that "living on her own" is probably a dorm or academic housing. And take it from a girl who dormed, not everyone in the dorms were studious.

Can't wait to see the rest.
You are the music while the music lasts--T.S. Eliot

"Stop the damn texting and pick up a book!"--Grandmama, "The Addams Family" (Musical)

"Tomorrow will be better for as long as America keeps alive the ideals of freedom and a better life." —Walt Disney

"I wake in the loneliness of sunrise
When the deep purple heaven turns blue
And start to pray
As I pray each day
That I’ll hear some word from you

I lie in the loneliness of evening
Looking out on a silver-flaked sea
And ask the moon
Oh how soon, how soon
Will my love come home to me"--"Loneliness of Evening," Cinderella


"Thank you, Lord
You have brought us
Safe to shore
Be our strength and protection ever more.
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire"--Heartland, as performed by Celtic Thunder


I'm writing a novel!

A Guide to Fanfiction for Dummies!

My Little Corner

I'm on Book Country!
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jules14
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(Wo)man on a Mission
I saw this fic on ff.net today. I'm getting some serious troll vibes off it; the "big boobs" bit seems excessively immature even for a Suethor. Still, I'm anxious to read the rest of your MST.
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Refia
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Well Mack, I based all my remarks on life here in Belgium. Gwen isn't really all that common here and 18 people don't live on their own unless they go to university or high school and even then mostly only when school is far away. Granted, that's what the Sue-in-making did, but if I were her mother, and I'd know my daughter doesn't like studying, I wouldn't let her live on her own. Too dangerous.

Siany-T, I noticed that too, I'll fix it as soon as I can. ;)

Yeah, it seems immature alright. Luckily for my MST-team, there's only one chapter so far.

Aside from that, thanks for the comments, guys. ^_^
[align=center]“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”
[/align]
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MackenzieW
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Resident Time Lady
Quote:
 
Granted, that's what the Sue-in-making did, but if I were her mother, and I'd know my daughter doesn't like studying, I wouldn't let her live on her own. Too dangerous.


True, but that's when the mom had three roads to take: The one you're advocating--keeping her at home, nagging at her and never really letting her realize how serious her attitude is. The other two let her go to that other school--it'll give her independence, let her stretch her wings. One scenario shows she learns that no studying=bad grades=getting kicked out of school. The other one is that she realizes that chain and starts to learn some personal responsibility.

Of course, there is the fact this is probably written by a 13 years-old trying to capture the mindset of an 18 years old and will probably glamorize coasting through college.
You are the music while the music lasts--T.S. Eliot

"Stop the damn texting and pick up a book!"--Grandmama, "The Addams Family" (Musical)

"Tomorrow will be better for as long as America keeps alive the ideals of freedom and a better life." —Walt Disney

"I wake in the loneliness of sunrise
When the deep purple heaven turns blue
And start to pray
As I pray each day
That I’ll hear some word from you

I lie in the loneliness of evening
Looking out on a silver-flaked sea
And ask the moon
Oh how soon, how soon
Will my love come home to me"--"Loneliness of Evening," Cinderella


"Thank you, Lord
You have brought us
Safe to shore
Be our strength and protection ever more.
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire"--Heartland, as performed by Celtic Thunder


I'm writing a novel!

A Guide to Fanfiction for Dummies!

My Little Corner

I'm on Book Country!
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Fishpaste
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Rising Again
Length? You don't say someones length? Stupid Suethor. Is height out of fashion now?

Can I keep Sesshoumaru?
Books contain knowledge. Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Corruption is a crime. Crime never pays. So, if I keep reading, Im gonna go broke!

Proud member of the society for the Protection of Neglected Commas (SPNC)
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Refia
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Fishpaste,Dec 10 2008
04:44 PM
Can I keep Sesshoumaru?

Why would you want that? :blink:
[align=center]“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”
[/align]
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~Tio~
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Seer of Visions
Glad to read a new MST from you :) And yay, no Bionicle porn ^^

Btw, you made a little typo: "artefact" - "artifact". Other than that, I love it :)

Refia's understanding of what Ignika means is just 0_o . Meaning weird and funny at the same time.
All the riffs were funny, especially I liked this one:
Quote:
 
Ignika: Yay.
Refia: He’s really becoming good at this, no?
Mia: Indeed. And I like the style of his comments.
Sesshoumaru: Short and to the point. This Sesshoumaru can always appreciate that.
*Ignika beams*

And "This Sesshoumaru" again :lol: I know that it was in the anime, but still cracks me up XD

The ending of the chapter was kinda sudden. I expected the author to write at least something... Well, what can I say, Suethors are Suethors :rolleyes:

Keep up the good work, Refia :)

Edit:
Refia,Dec 10 2008
08:10 PM
Fishpaste,Dec 10 2008
04:44 PM
Can I keep Sesshoumaru?

Why would you want that? :blink:

Looks like we have a new Sesshoumaru fangirl ;) But don't worry, HATI, I'll give you a mini of him once I find one :) (don't know any big scary monsters of the fandom ^^""")
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Fishpaste
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Rising Again
Yay! Mini Sesshoumaru!
Books contain knowledge. Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Corruption is a crime. Crime never pays. So, if I keep reading, Im gonna go broke!

Proud member of the society for the Protection of Neglected Commas (SPNC)
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Refia
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Paying Tribute to the Past
Next chapter is up guys. It's the last one, seeing as this is all there is of this 'story' so far. And I don't know if she will still update or if I will MST it if she does update. Depends on the replies I get for this chapter.
[align=center]“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”
[/align]
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jules14
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(Wo)man on a Mission
*sigh* Why do Suethors always post their fantasies online? I'll admit I have my own escapism fantasies and guilty pleasures, but I keep them locked up where they belong--IN MY HEAD. Because I, at least, realize that no one is interested in them, and that some of them would make people sick to boot.

Also, what is wrong with Suethors, that they would trade in their uneventful but safe lives for the opportunity to be thrown headlong into a dangerous war and almost get killed at every turn?! Honestly, if they want that kind of excitement so badly, they should go fight in Iraq. After barely one hour, they'd be singing a very different tune.

The last irritating thing about the fic is based entirely on my own personal opinions: the fact that Legolas is ALWAYS the one that Suethors go for. I have never been an Orlando Bloom fan, and I think he looks downright awful in his Legolas costume and wig: so effeminate and fruity. But that's just me.
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Refia
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jules14,Dec 11 2008
03:05 PM
*sigh* Why do Suethors always post their fantasies online?  I'll admit I have my own escapism fantasies and guilty pleasures, but I keep them locked up where they belong--IN MY HEAD.  Because I, at least, realize that no one is interested in them, and that some of them would make people sick to boot.

Also, what is wrong with Suethors, that they would trade in their uneventful but safe lives for the opportunity to be thrown headlong into a dangerous war and almost get killed at every turn?!  Honestly, if they want that kind of excitement so badly, they should go fight in Iraq.  After barely one hour, they'd be singing a very different tune.

The last irritating thing about the fic is based entirely on my own personal opinions: the fact that Legolas is ALWAYS the one that Suethors go for.  I have never been an Orlando Bloom fan, and I think he looks downright awful in his Legolas costume and wig: so effeminate and fruity.  But that's just me.

Amen, Jules, Amen.

I agree Legolas is overloved. Hell, if it weren't for Orlandu Bloom I bet no Suethor would have even heard of him.

After MSTing this I'm inclined to say you were right and that this was a troll. Nobody can spell that horrible except on purpose.
[align=center]“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”
[/align]
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~Tio~
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Seer of Visions
Well, nice new chapter and a fast update :) Quite rare, I must say.

However, I've noticed some mistakes:

Quote:
 
Today was just any other day in my life, I wake up go to school, comes home sits
by my computer reading fanfics makes dinner and then some more fanfic reading,

*Everybody looks at the screen with wide eyes.*
Refia: Ooookay… Where did the spelling go?!
Mia: It just committed suicide.


the only different is sometimes I have to shower

Mia: Good, because if your spelling stinks, I can only fear worse for how you smell!

Quote:
 
But still I continue to read fanfics

Mia: I’m no spelling expert, but I wonder why she put an enter here and no point at the end of the sentence.
Refia: Spelling committed suicide, remember?



"Spelling" is how you write words. "Grammar" is word order, tenses, word formation and so on.

Aside from that, good work :) I really like your riffs ;)

Quote:
 
but my favorite fanfics
is those about my favorite elf Legolas Mmmmm Yummy Legolas..

Sesshoumaru: *facepalm*
Refia: *facepalm*
Mia: *facepalm*
Ignika: No words.

:lol: Loved this one.

Quote:
 
Refia: 0_o
Mia: Did she just do something smart and logical?
Sesshoumaru: No, it is probably a trick of our tired minds, we must have misread the sentence.

Indeed. :lol:

And Sesshoumaru + Playstation? LOL XD I'm starting to like him more and more!
Let me guess, you're going to do an FF fic later? Since Sesshoumaru can play one of those on the Playstation?

Anyway, keep up the good work! :)
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MackenzieW
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Resident Time Lady
Quote:
 
*Actions*
“Talking”
Thinking


Looks like someone went to the Angey school of writing.

Quote:
 
Today was just any other day in my life, I wake up go to school, comes home sits by my computer reading fanfics makes dinner and then some more fanfic reading,


Okay, I don't think is so much a case of bad grammar. (I agree with Tio. The spelling is correct, it's the grammar she has problems with) I checked BloodyDragoon's profile. She's from Sweden. This was probably run through the Babelfish translator.

Quote:
 

Why can’t I have that??


Well, usually the people in stories make things happen, not just have it fall in their lap courtesy of their TV.

Quote:
 
celtic like letters


Umm, what's that?

Quote:
 
Ooookey did I just talk to the TV?


I do it all the time. Of course, it usually doesn't talk back. But I did it last night when I found out two of my favorite characters on CSI:NY are going to have a baby...
You are the music while the music lasts--T.S. Eliot

"Stop the damn texting and pick up a book!"--Grandmama, "The Addams Family" (Musical)

"Tomorrow will be better for as long as America keeps alive the ideals of freedom and a better life." —Walt Disney

"I wake in the loneliness of sunrise
When the deep purple heaven turns blue
And start to pray
As I pray each day
That I’ll hear some word from you

I lie in the loneliness of evening
Looking out on a silver-flaked sea
And ask the moon
Oh how soon, how soon
Will my love come home to me"--"Loneliness of Evening," Cinderella


"Thank you, Lord
You have brought us
Safe to shore
Be our strength and protection ever more.
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire"--Heartland, as performed by Celtic Thunder


I'm writing a novel!

A Guide to Fanfiction for Dummies!

My Little Corner

I'm on Book Country!
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