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MST: Stuck in Middle earth [REVIEW]; Let it all out here, my friends.
Topic Started: Aug 1 2009, 07:22 PM (2,743 Views)
Refia
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Paying Tribute to the Past
Every time I spork a chapter of this monstrosity, I end up wanting to bang my head through the solid brick wall of my house. :headwall:
[align=center]“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”
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MackenzieW
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This one starts out fun, but by the end, you want a drink.

Or a gun.

Either works.
You are the music while the music lasts--T.S. Eliot

"Stop the damn texting and pick up a book!"--Grandmama, "The Addams Family" (Musical)

"Tomorrow will be better for as long as America keeps alive the ideals of freedom and a better life." —Walt Disney

"I wake in the loneliness of sunrise
When the deep purple heaven turns blue
And start to pray
As I pray each day
That I’ll hear some word from you

I lie in the loneliness of evening
Looking out on a silver-flaked sea
And ask the moon
Oh how soon, how soon
Will my love come home to me"--"Loneliness of Evening," Cinderella


"Thank you, Lord
You have brought us
Safe to shore
Be our strength and protection ever more.
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire"--Heartland, as performed by Celtic Thunder


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Ariel
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Drink would be nice, bus alas, I am still too young to drink. Damn you drinking laws in America!
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MackenzieW
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Then you're going to want to take option "B": The gun.
You are the music while the music lasts--T.S. Eliot

"Stop the damn texting and pick up a book!"--Grandmama, "The Addams Family" (Musical)

"Tomorrow will be better for as long as America keeps alive the ideals of freedom and a better life." —Walt Disney

"I wake in the loneliness of sunrise
When the deep purple heaven turns blue
And start to pray
As I pray each day
That I’ll hear some word from you

I lie in the loneliness of evening
Looking out on a silver-flaked sea
And ask the moon
Oh how soon, how soon
Will my love come home to me"--"Loneliness of Evening," Cinderella


"Thank you, Lord
You have brought us
Safe to shore
Be our strength and protection ever more.
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire"--Heartland, as performed by Celtic Thunder


I'm writing a novel!

A Guide to Fanfiction for Dummies!

My Little Corner

I'm on Book Country!
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Refia
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Or "C": Lipton Ice Tea. :P
[align=center]“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”
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MackenzieW
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I'm not sure how potent Refie's Lipton Ice Tea is since the ones I drink are only good for being refreshing during the hot and humid NYC summers, so I'd stick with Option "B".
You are the music while the music lasts--T.S. Eliot

"Stop the damn texting and pick up a book!"--Grandmama, "The Addams Family" (Musical)

"Tomorrow will be better for as long as America keeps alive the ideals of freedom and a better life." —Walt Disney

"I wake in the loneliness of sunrise
When the deep purple heaven turns blue
And start to pray
As I pray each day
That I’ll hear some word from you

I lie in the loneliness of evening
Looking out on a silver-flaked sea
And ask the moon
Oh how soon, how soon
Will my love come home to me"--"Loneliness of Evening," Cinderella


"Thank you, Lord
You have brought us
Safe to shore
Be our strength and protection ever more.
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire"--Heartland, as performed by Celtic Thunder


I'm writing a novel!

A Guide to Fanfiction for Dummies!

My Little Corner

I'm on Book Country!
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Refia
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Oh trust me Mac, for me Ice Tea is very potent. :nod:

Quote:
 
Balian: Bring out the celebrations Sue is dying. Sue wants to die!
Lancelot: *pops champagne*
Galahad: *lowers disco ball*


Take my advice, guys, and stop it. This Sue won't die. Ever. :(

Quote:
 
Ellen: to kill you.
Galahad: to mess up your hair and make-up
Lancelot: To cut up your Legolas/obsession posters
Balian: to find someone prettier than you and better than you and make you watch Legolas or whoever your obsession is marry them.


All of the above. <_<

Quote:
 
Balian: Whose doom? What doom? There is no doom but ours.
Ellen: Well aren’t you cheery today?
Balian: How am I wrong?
*Ellen cannot respond but sips alcohol. Balian takes bottle, Ellen pouts*


Don't be a spoilsport, Balian.

Quote:
 
Ellen: Nice correction Galahad.
Galahad: *grins* I do try.


Now if only it would come true. *sigh*

Quote:
 
Galahad: (as Legolas) Did I not just kill you? Why are you haunting me?
Ellen: (as Sam) Because we are supposed to be together forever Leggy puff. I am your one true love. We are supposed to marry and have tons of children and wild, unrealistic *gagged*. You lot are no fun.


Ugh, please don't do that Ellen. :X

Quote:
 
Galahad: Hear, let me break you more. It will not hurt… for me!


On the contrary, it'll feel good for us! :nod:

Quote:
 
Ellen: Never to late to die.
Galahad: How bloodthirsty are you?
Ellen: I forget.


For this Sue, you can't be bloodthirsty enough.

Quote:
 
Lancelot: Wait, wait, wait! Boromir is her brother?! Boromir did not have a sister. He had one younger brother.
Balian: Sue, Lancelot, Sue. Do not break down like Galahad did after the last MST. I do not want to be mopping up another knight off the floor.


Yeah, just go with it. Boromir adopts Sues left and right.

Quote:
 
Balian: (as Boromir) Yes, we hate you and will want to kill you during the fight. It will leave us in danger during the battle and we don’t want that.
Galahad: We could always claim that a stray orc arrow killed her when we do it.
Lancelot: Too unoriginal, we need something better than that.


Nevermind originality! Just push her off the walls onto the Orc pikes. :evil:

Quote:
 
Lancelot: And sexist, evil Boromir was born. Do not confuse him with confused, noble but led astray Boromir who was seduced by the ring because he thought it would save his people.
Galahad: That guy never exists in Sue stories. Too hard to write him properly when lusting over Legolas and/or Aragorn.


Sadly, you're quite correct.

Quote:
 
Ellen: (angrily) A lot of LOTR is based around cultures that were in Europe during the Dark Ages. Ergo, if your brother was the only male relative around you at the time, you listened, you did as you were told, and you were a secondary citizen. However, the feminist ideals of the 21st century would have told her all are equal and they are. Smart person would have written about the problems that somebody changing would have faced. I mean come on, she could have easily gotten a beating for this and it would have been seen as an acceptable thing to do!
Lancelot: Operative word is smart. Sue is not smart. Sue can bend rules. Sue-author does not care about culture or what not. Stop working yourself into a frenzy; you are only going to do yourself more damage.


I suggest that once we are done with this pile of vomit, we kidnap Shadow08, tie her to a chair and force-feed her the book. Literally. I won't stop until she chewed and swallowed EVERY. SINGLE. DAMN. PAGE. OF. THE. TRILOGY.

Quote:
 
Sporkers: *cheers*
Balian: You are welcome for the nice distraction. *notices Ellen sneaking at the bottle* No alcohol for you! *swigs some before handing it round to the knights*
Ellen: Three freaking months underage!


*hands Ellen a bottle of ICe Tea*

This is much better stuff. Trust me. :)

Quote:
 
Ellen: There is something you can do, DIE! Dying slowly is preferable and recommended.
Lancelot: We will provide the weapons if needs be. Like blunt knives.


Heck, I'd provide her with poison if need be!

Quote:
 
Balian: By trying to protect you? You selfish monster!
Ellen: And that is our moral of the day.


Sad thing is we're supposed to feel sorry for the Sue and think she's right here, not Boromir. <_<

Quote:
 
Ellen: *sardonically* Of course he did love, of course he did.


Just keep telling yourself that.

Quote:
 
Ellen: and it was functioning before? *snorts*


Seriously, who IS she trying to fool here?

Quote:
 
Balian: So do we! In fact we sue the Sue! That is such an odd sentence.
Galahad: Imagine her in court.


Sue: Your honour, don't punish me, I'm the chosen one, Leggy's true luv, Boromir's sister, a special snowflake! I'm so witty and adorable and smart and...!

Judge: *fingers in his ears* AAARGH! I sentence you to death. :angry:

Quote:
 
Lancelot: why did we not think of that before?
Ellen: I think we have gone soft.
Galahad: No, just over the top. It is so simple we forgot. We have not gone soft yet, I hope.
Lancelot: If we have, we are doomed. I feel like manically laughing for some reason.


It's funny how the Sues are often the ones to come up with the nicest ideas to get rid of them.

Quote:
 
Balian: Civilisation does not miss you. In fact it threw a world wide party when you left.
Ellen: nobody wants you back. Civilisation called, it wants you to stay there for it can recover from you. Stay away forever.


Though Civilisation did call and apologise to Middle-earth for dumping you there.

Quote:
 
Balian: Just like you and Boromir had not a while ago. You had an argument about this very same problem.
Ellen: Yes but it was not all lovey-dovey. However, hypocrisy is always in Sues, part and parcel of it I am afraid.


All the more reason to grab the Sue by the head and ram her against the book repeatedly.

Quote:
 
Galahad: (as Sam in a high pitched voice) yeah, I am supposed to wow everybody with my awesome fighting skills and have Legolas fall in love with me. Everybody is supposed to love me! You are not supposed to see through me.


Sums this dumb cunt of a Sue up perfectly. AARGH! :burnmad:

Quote:
 
Lancelot: (as Sam’s brain) This is your brain talking. Self destruction in ten seconds. I cannot take anymore of your stupid words. Good night.


She never had a brain. It refused to take place and grow in the skull of such an abomination.

Quote:
 
Ellen: It is called trying to drum up numbers so Helms Deep does not fall without any sort of resistance. Child soldiers have been used before. However, since you have no brain and obviously hate a) history and  current affairs you would not know this. Your brain hates you for the lack of supplement.
Galahad: It is called trying to look sympathetic and empathic while really looking pathetic.
Ellen: you really love wordings ending in thic don’t you?*Galahad looks at her oddly before looking back at screen*


Well, it has a nice ring to it.

Quote:
 
Balian: Why don’t you both just quieten down? We are almost done. *all cheer*


Only 30+ chapters left to go. :mellow:

Quote:
 
Lancelot: to get away from you. I thought we already said that.


The sue doesn't listen to people unless they're praising her.

Quote:
 
Ellen: (as Haldir) I missed have a running target to practice my archery on.


I wish. :cry2:

Oh I don't wanna spork the next one. I don't wanna. It hurts. It hurts, precious. :cry2: But I have to. Alas.

*mans up*

Chapter 19, I'll be your oponent!

*draws sword and charges*
[align=center]“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”
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MackenzieW
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Quote:
 
Galahad: *lowers disco ball*


Hey, we're not the only ones with a disco ball! *Lowers theirs*

Quote:
 
Galahad: *grins* I do try.


Erik: Isn't it fun? I love changing stories. So does Mackenzie.

Quote:
 
Balian: Our Casanova was coming onto a Sue. I had to put him and use out of our misery.


It was an act of mercy.

Quote:
 
"What's eating you pardner?" I ask frowning.

Ellen: I think you meant partner. However, seeing as English escapes you I will just cane you for ever mistakes.
Lancelot: Don’t bother your arm will die before she does.


Actually, the way she spelled it is acceptable here in America. It's a direct reference to the Western accent, associated with the Old West here in America. Also, in Lancelot's statement, you need a comma to break it up. As it stands now, the flow makes no sense. There needs to be a pause between "bother" and "your".

Quote:
 
I thereby marched off in a huff like any woman with a temper would


Not all women storm off in a huff. Just the immature ones. Or the passive-aggressive ones.

Quote:
 
Ellen: the department for redundancies speaking, how may we help you?


Actually, it's the Department of Redundancy Department but have you taken over Sian's old spot? If so, I'd be glad to know someone next time I call.

Quote:
 
And I completely jacked that last line from fairly odd parents, which if I may say so, rocks the proverbial socks.


Okay, while the Fairly Odd Parents is a pretty good cartoon, it's usually advised to not make such references when writing. It only dates the piece and unless the piece is supposed to be set in that time, it isn't good.

Balian: Civilisation does not miss you. In fact it threw a world wide party when you left.

Speaking of which, I lost the shirt I was wearing at the party while there and Erik lost his cape. If seen, please return to Malfoy Manor.

Quote:
 
Oh fiddlesticks, not another scene of their lovey-dovey ness!


*Erik muffles Mackenzie, tossing her out of the room*

Quote:
 
It was a gift from Mac realising that Ellen went the entire chapter without alcohol thanks to Balian.


Erik: Mackenzie says you're welcome and that no one should go through that sober. We just ask that it gets returned restocked. Oh, and good luck, Refie!

Good work, Rena!


You are the music while the music lasts--T.S. Eliot

"Stop the damn texting and pick up a book!"--Grandmama, "The Addams Family" (Musical)

"Tomorrow will be better for as long as America keeps alive the ideals of freedom and a better life." —Walt Disney

"I wake in the loneliness of sunrise
When the deep purple heaven turns blue
And start to pray
As I pray each day
That I’ll hear some word from you

I lie in the loneliness of evening
Looking out on a silver-flaked sea
And ask the moon
Oh how soon, how soon
Will my love come home to me"--"Loneliness of Evening," Cinderella


"Thank you, Lord
You have brought us
Safe to shore
Be our strength and protection ever more.
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire"--Heartland, as performed by Celtic Thunder


I'm writing a novel!

A Guide to Fanfiction for Dummies!

My Little Corner

I'm on Book Country!
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MackenzieW
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Resident Time Lady
Quote:
 
Mastermind: I cannot believe I am doing this. I’m supposed to be Mastermind here. I pick the fic, you spork it. You’re not supposed to drag me into the sporking!


Hey, even Voldemort has sporked with us.

Quote:
 
I must suck as a writer.


Acceptance is the first step on the road to recovery.

Quote:
 
Mia: It is highly disturbing that Lord Boromir carries around disembodied hands to put on people’s shoulders, even if the person on who he puts it in this case is a Sue


Boromir! You treat Thing with more respect!

Quote:
 
I love this dwarf.


You're one of the few Sues who do.

Quote:
 
We're fighting to the death and it rains, can you say cliché?


Yes. I can also say "plagiarizing from the movie".

Quote:
 
*All yawn.*
Sesshoumaru: Movie script. How incredibly exciting.


Wait! I need to get my script!

Quote:
 
Mia: *clutches forehead* Poncy is not a word, Suethor! Can you at least try to pay attention to what you’re writing?!


Actually, "poncy" is a word. According to dictionary.com, poncy is an adjective that means "ostentatious, pretentious, or effeminate."

Quote:
 
Refia: Well, I thought I’d try this.


Cool! Hey, Erik, we started a trend!
Erik: NICE!

Quote:
 
*The next moment, Mastermind, Ace and Mia all struggle to pin Refia down in her seat as she screams and rages and struggles to get free and lunge at the screen in an attempt to pull Samantha out of it and kill her brutally.*


The guys use sedatives on me.

Quote:
 
Mia: *whacks Refia on the head with her staff, the Lachesis Rule*


That works too.

Quote:
 
get a healer who is perchance Eowyn


Except Eowyn doesn't become a healer until Minas Tirith. She does so after Faramir's love chases away the last of the darkness and decides she wants to heal rather than fight.


Good work, Refie! Bad chapter on the Sue's part. Insulting the king and no one calling her on it...Oh, yeah, she's a bitch.
You are the music while the music lasts--T.S. Eliot

"Stop the damn texting and pick up a book!"--Grandmama, "The Addams Family" (Musical)

"Tomorrow will be better for as long as America keeps alive the ideals of freedom and a better life." —Walt Disney

"I wake in the loneliness of sunrise
When the deep purple heaven turns blue
And start to pray
As I pray each day
That I’ll hear some word from you

I lie in the loneliness of evening
Looking out on a silver-flaked sea
And ask the moon
Oh how soon, how soon
Will my love come home to me"--"Loneliness of Evening," Cinderella


"Thank you, Lord
You have brought us
Safe to shore
Be our strength and protection ever more.
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire"--Heartland, as performed by Celtic Thunder


I'm writing a novel!

A Guide to Fanfiction for Dummies!

My Little Corner

I'm on Book Country!
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Ariel
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Quote:
 
Refia: As is your death, Sue.

*starts sharpening various weapons*

Quote:
 
Ace: The question is who’s hand it is he’s putting there.
Mia: It is highly disturbing that Lord Boromir carries around disembodied hands to put on people’s shoulders, even if the person on who he puts it in this case is a Sue.

Wow, never thought of it that way. Maybe it’s a disembodied goblin hand from Moria.

Quote:
 
more than half my size

‘Half my size’ generally refers to people smaller than the person in question. Is she about to get killed by hobbits?

Quote:
 
Farts

There she goes with her lack of control of her bodily functions.

Quote:
 
We burst out laughing at the stupidity of it all.

Sesshoumaru: This Sesshoumaru is sure the Rohirrim found the situation stupid, instead of being dark and utterly hopeless.

Yes, I’m sure they were. I’m sure they were all shaking their heads and going ‘this is such a stupid fight when we could be at home playing poker, drinking beer, and watching the superbowl’.

Quote:
 
Ugh.
Grossed myself out.
Thank you overly-active imagination!

I am completely confused by this. Is she imagining the Uruks naked? What is she imagining that they look disgusting?

Quote:
 
Oddly enough, Legolas looks incredibly cute when he's drenched with water.

Let me get this straight, she’s in the middle of a battle, people are dying around her, there are arrows flying towards her, AND SHE’S WORRIED ABOUT HOW LEGOLAS LOOKS WHEN HE’S WET? Where is this idiot’s self-preservation?

Quote:
 
Bracing myself I brought Keiko up and sliced cleanly through the first Uruk-hai in front of me.

Mastermind: By simply bringing the sword up? *sighs* Who are you trying to fool here, Shadow08?

Okay, I just looked Keiko up. It’s a whale. A killer whale, but a whale nonetheless. Why the hell does she have a whale with her? Did I miss something? Did she name her sword Keiko? If so, why did she name it after a whale?

Quote:
 
I am woman, hear me ROAR!

I AM A MAN! (Kudos if you recognize the quote.)

Quote:
 
If any of these boys die I'll kill 'em all.

So if one dies, you’ll kill them all? That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?

Quote:
 
Bad move as a particularly vile uruk decides to take advantage of a lady and scalped me.

*cheers*



I just thought of something. We can make a drinking game of this. Drink a bottle of the strongest alcoholic beverage every time she saves someone who is supposed to die.
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MackenzieW
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Quote:
 
I AM A MAN!


*Punch*
You are the music while the music lasts--T.S. Eliot

"Stop the damn texting and pick up a book!"--Grandmama, "The Addams Family" (Musical)

"Tomorrow will be better for as long as America keeps alive the ideals of freedom and a better life." —Walt Disney

"I wake in the loneliness of sunrise
When the deep purple heaven turns blue
And start to pray
As I pray each day
That I’ll hear some word from you

I lie in the loneliness of evening
Looking out on a silver-flaked sea
And ask the moon
Oh how soon, how soon
Will my love come home to me"--"Loneliness of Evening," Cinderella


"Thank you, Lord
You have brought us
Safe to shore
Be our strength and protection ever more.
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire"--Heartland, as performed by Celtic Thunder


I'm writing a novel!

A Guide to Fanfiction for Dummies!

My Little Corner

I'm on Book Country!
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Ariel
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I love that quote.
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athenarena
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Master of the Rings
Refie that was amazing! I loved it!

Everything you wrote was honest, amazing and so funny. I was in bits afterwards!

Quote:
 
I must suck as a writer.

*All nod eagerly.*
Mia: That is a truth if I ever saw one.
Ace: Now if only she’d care that she sucks and stops writing as a result, instead of simply knowing she sucks and not giving a damn.


She will never come to terms with her suckiness. Unfortunately what Ace asks for will never happen. You want me to provide anything?

Quote:
 
Refia: As is your death, Sue.


I want to join in! I have the weapons.

Quote:
 
Mastermind: But he doesn’t love you.


No-one does. No-one does.

Quote:
 
*All eyes turn to Ace, but he’s still sitting in his seat.*
Ace: Sorry people, but no, I didn’t jump in the fic and burned holes in the Sue.


I wish you did Ace, I reall you wish you did. But we can add it to the ways we want to kill the Sue.


Quote:
 
Refia (as Sam): Trying to draw attention to me, durhur!


She always does that but never in a good way.

Quote:
 
Mia: Bitch.
Refia: Idiot.
Ace: Cunt.
Mastermind: Dumbass.
Sesshoumaru: Human.
*The others glare at him.*


Sesshoumaru I hate you but the others I agree with you all.

Quote:
 
Refia: I swear, every time she says that word I’ll make her eat a copy of the book.
Mia: Quite an effective and torturous way to get rid of her: feed her copies of the book until she bursts.
Mastermind: I like it.


I like it too. I want to help. Refie, you are a genius with how you want to kill Sam.

Quote:
 
I'm sorry it's just they look like bastardizations of chimeras. Upright chimeras.

Mia: Does the Suethor even know what Chimeras are?
Mastermind: Given that Chimeras were lion-like monsters with a snake as their tail and two heads – one of a lion, one of a goat – and the Orcs look nothing like that, I’m going to say: no, the Suethor has no clue what Chimeras are.


FUCKING BITCH! How dare she make fun of the greatest citization that has ever lived. I really really hate her. How do you stay sane with her Refie? Nice little MST offside though Mastermind.


Quote:
 
Mastermind: Thank you, Shadow08, for giving me the image of Legolas having wrecking balls on chains for eyes.


Mastermind, I really pity you I really do right now. I did not see that image, thanks for the image Mastermind.

Quote:
 
Ace: Very descriptive, Shadow08. I can so imagine what Legolas was saying.


Ace, less is better in this story trust me.

Quote:
 
All: WE SAID WE DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW!


When do they ever listen?

Quote:
 
Mastermind: By simply bringing the sword up? *sighs* Who are you trying to fool here, Shadow08?


Everybody, that is who they are trying to fool.

Quote:
 
Mia: Funny, I can only hear you bitch and moan and be rude and obnoxious.


That is roaring to her :P

If I continued, we would be here all day as what you wrote was just so FREAKING GOOD!

Please take some rest so that you can continue writing as well as you do. Here is my gift *hands over Lipton Iced Tea*

Great work Refie!
I am currently taking donations, for Everton FC. I am afraid that our chairman has forgotten to cough up. So if you could hand me a penny and I will dance for you :P.

I am the monkey and you hold the box, so be nice with that. I don't want to dance like that!


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MackenzieW
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Resident Time Lady
I will have you know, Ariel, I now have the Atop the 4th Wall theme in my head. Thanks.
You are the music while the music lasts--T.S. Eliot

"Stop the damn texting and pick up a book!"--Grandmama, "The Addams Family" (Musical)

"Tomorrow will be better for as long as America keeps alive the ideals of freedom and a better life." —Walt Disney

"I wake in the loneliness of sunrise
When the deep purple heaven turns blue
And start to pray
As I pray each day
That I’ll hear some word from you

I lie in the loneliness of evening
Looking out on a silver-flaked sea
And ask the moon
Oh how soon, how soon
Will my love come home to me"--"Loneliness of Evening," Cinderella


"Thank you, Lord
You have brought us
Safe to shore
Be our strength and protection ever more.
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire"--Heartland, as performed by Celtic Thunder


I'm writing a novel!

A Guide to Fanfiction for Dummies!

My Little Corner

I'm on Book Country!
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Ariel
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Professional Nutcase
:lol: You're welcome! I have it stuck in my head, but that's more from watching it.
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