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MST: Stuck in Middle earth [REVIEW]; Let it all out here, my friends.
Topic Started: Aug 1 2009, 07:22 PM (2,744 Views)
MackenzieW
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Resident Time Lady
Quote:
 
JULES (almost crying): Oh, God. Oh, God. This…this is gonna suck, I just know it. It's gonna suck ass, isn't it?


Mac: Yeah, it is.
Remus: You have our sympathy.

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ALL: WHAT?!


That's going to be your default setting. But I seriously think the first few sentences were turned in as vocabulary homework.

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JULES: Is this a Shakespeare crossover or something?


That would've been awesome. :D

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*Horrified silence*
JULES: Oh, dear God, is this a Legomance? Tell me this isn't a Legomance. Please?
*another paper falls from the ceiling. Morgoth picks it up*
MORGOTH (reading): "Legolas falls in love with the Sue…"
*Jules screams, before collapsing in her seat and sobbing*


Oh Jonas--you need alcohol?

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BORIS: Suethors, it's not that hard to put the gray lines in!


I've been singing that song for a long time, Boris.

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ALL (deadpan): Mooooooooooo.


Now I got Rent's "Over the Moon" stuck in my head.

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BORIS (as Sam, wimpy voice): I'll punch their lights out, 'cause I'm so strong, like Sailor Moon!


While I'll be the first to admit Sailor Moon made me want to slap her, she's a lot better than Sam.

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Suethor, do you understand feminism AT ALL?!


Suethor? Feminism? :rofl:

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JULES (furious): A farce?! Are you fucking serious?! You're calling the war that could determine the fate of Middle-earth a FARCE?! YOU ASSHOLE! Did you just write this fic to insult Tolkien's story?! BECAUSE YOU'RE DOING A BANG-UP JOB OF IT!


That's it. No one but the eight negative reviews were true fans.

Quote:
 
JULES: My God, she's more annoying than Curtis the Elf, Hubie the Penguin, and Stanley the Troll combined!


Let's also throw in Tommy Wiseau too.

Quote:
 
BORIS: I think Satan is going snowboarding!


Without me?
Quatre: Mac? You have a call! Satan says to meet him in five minutes.
Sweet!

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*the others have to wrestle her as she struggles to reach the screen. Boris hits her on the head with an club and knocks her out cold*


Remus: You have our sympathy. We had to use a sedative on Mackenzie.

Good job with such a bad chapter, Jules!
You are the music while the music lasts--T.S. Eliot

"Stop the damn texting and pick up a book!"--Grandmama, "The Addams Family" (Musical)

"Tomorrow will be better for as long as America keeps alive the ideals of freedom and a better life." —Walt Disney

"I wake in the loneliness of sunrise
When the deep purple heaven turns blue
And start to pray
As I pray each day
That I’ll hear some word from you

I lie in the loneliness of evening
Looking out on a silver-flaked sea
And ask the moon
Oh how soon, how soon
Will my love come home to me"--"Loneliness of Evening," Cinderella


"Thank you, Lord
You have brought us
Safe to shore
Be our strength and protection ever more.
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire"--Heartland, as performed by Celtic Thunder


I'm writing a novel!

A Guide to Fanfiction for Dummies!

My Little Corner

I'm on Book Country!
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jules14
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(Wo)man on a Mission
Refia

Quote:
 
Aah, a wonderful choice of sporkers.  And Semirhage summed it up pretty simply and to the point.


Thank you! This was truly the worst fanfic I've ever done; it was physically painful. Seriously; it took me over a week to finish.

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Get used to it guys, the chapter will be pretty much the same as what you've just read: pointless, ass-sucking drivel.


Same as the other chapters. Of course, my sporkers hadn't read it before, so...

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Good theory there. Morgoth seems to aprove.


Morgoth approves of any insults to Iluvatar. :P

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Simple: nobody in this fic has any common sense or is even 0,00000000000001% in character.


I think that percentage is about right. In fact, the only times in this fic when the canon characters are in character are when they recite lines from the movie script. <_<

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*Pats Jules on the back in sympathy* There, there, just one chapter and you're done. I have to put up with the remaining 30.


Oh, I'm willing to do other chapters. Just don't expect me to post them too soon.

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Girls, you deserve a medal. *hands over a medal for each of em*


Thank you, Refie. At least someone recognizes that sporking this shitfest is a public service.

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*gives Morgoth a suicide pistol*
Help yourself.


MORGOTH: Thanks, but I've tried shooting myself before; it doesn't work. Curse being a fallen Vala!

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Sailor Moon could smite this sue with the polished nail of her little toe!


I don't doubt it. That's why it's so awful that the Sue's comparing herself to her.

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Can we just write a fic "How stuck in middle-earth should have ended?" in which we kill the Sue in every chapter in the most in-canon and brutal of ways? Please?


Sounds like a plan to me! Sign me up! :D

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WHAT INTELLIGENCE?!


Oh, I beg your pardon. Should I have said "intelligence or lack thereof"?

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*Refie's running around in circles screaming his head off and thus can not comment. Pardon us for the inconvenience.*


*Pats Refie's shoulder* There, there. The combination of "gay-assed bastards" and Aragorn/Sauron sex IS horrific.

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*Hopefully:* Maybe they'd die!


That would be good too!

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Nice ones, guys!


Thank you!

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See? See why I hate this fic so goddamn much?!


Oh, yes, I do. I saw it as soon as the chapter started, thanks.

Quote:
 
I'd rather read that than this pile of vomit!


Believe it or not, I would too. And before, I thought "Pride of Boromir" was one of the worst LotR fics ever. At least that author didn't break the fourth wall!

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As bad as the & Phantom's Ange used!


Actually, I think it's worse. It just looks so much stupider!

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WHY DID YOU DO THAT FOR?! LET HER RAGE! THE WORLD MUST KNOW OUR RAGE! WE MUST RAGE AND -

*One of Refie's sporkers hits Refie on the head with a club and knocks him out*

Ace: Why is he getting all worked up? WE are the ones reading this.
Mia: Beats me. I hope you didn't hit too hard.


::rofl::

Quote:
 
*Gives Jules a drink*
Here, you look like you need it.


God bless you, Refia, I sure do!

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Yeowch, that was hard.


But true! Come on, you can't deny it!

Quote:
 
Thanks for doing this chapter, Jules, it was a great read!


Thank you, Refia! Coming from you, that's the ultimate compliment. You can sign me up for the next unclaimed chapter now, though I can't start it for a while.






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jules14
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Mac:

Quote:
 
But I seriously think the first few sentences were turned in as vocabulary homework.


I'm guessing. God knows the Suethor's not smart enough to think of them on her own.

Quote:
 
Oh Jonas--you need alcohol?


YES! YES, YES, YES!

Quote:
 
Now I got Rent's "Over the Moon" stuck in my head.


Oh, wow, I didn't even think of that song. :O_O:

Quote:
 
While I'll be the first to admit Sailor Moon made me want to slap her, she's a lot better than Sam.


I agree. At least Sailor Moon was competent.

Quote:
 
That's it. No one but the eight negative reviews were true fans.


Yep. The other reviews were from Suethors, or dumb girls who only watched the Lord of the Rings movies for Legolas, or both. What's really sad is that only eight true fans bothered to give her bad reviews. I guess everyone else thought it was a lost cause.

Quote:
 
Let's also throw in Tommy Wiseau too.


Good idea! Though at least Tommy Wiseau is annoying in an entertaining way: "Oh, hi, Elrond." "Oh, hi, Frodo." "You are tearing me apart, Arwen!"

Quote:
 
Remus: You have our sympathy. We had to use a sedative on Mackenzie.


BORIS: Good idea! Can we borrow it to use on Jules?
JULES: Hey, what are you talking about?
BORIS: Nothing, nothing!

Quote:
 
Good job with such a bad chapter, Jules!


Thanks Mac! I'll review your latest chapter of "Stranger" as soon as I have time.
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MackenzieW
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Oh, wow, I didn't even think of that song.


That's okay. I'm a musical theatre nerd. Most things make me think of musical references.

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At least Sailor Moon was competent.


And matured over the course of the series.

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I guess everyone else thought it was a lost cause.


I think everyone else thinks the entire section is a lost cause. Did you know they are close to signing Orlando Bloom to reprise his role as Legolas in The Hobbit movies? We're going to have a WHOLE new generation of fangirls out there.

Quote:
 
Good idea! Though at least Tommy Wiseau is annoying in an entertaining way: "Oh, hi, Elrond." "Oh, hi, Frodo." "You are tearing me apart, Arwen!"


:lol:

I was reading most of those lines were dubbed because the original script was much more monologue-y.

Quote:
 
Thanks Mac! I'll review your latest chapter of "Stranger" as soon as I have time.


You're welcome! And no rush!
You are the music while the music lasts--T.S. Eliot

"Stop the damn texting and pick up a book!"--Grandmama, "The Addams Family" (Musical)

"Tomorrow will be better for as long as America keeps alive the ideals of freedom and a better life." —Walt Disney

"I wake in the loneliness of sunrise
When the deep purple heaven turns blue
And start to pray
As I pray each day
That I’ll hear some word from you

I lie in the loneliness of evening
Looking out on a silver-flaked sea
And ask the moon
Oh how soon, how soon
Will my love come home to me"--"Loneliness of Evening," Cinderella


"Thank you, Lord
You have brought us
Safe to shore
Be our strength and protection ever more.
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire"--Heartland, as performed by Celtic Thunder


I'm writing a novel!

A Guide to Fanfiction for Dummies!

My Little Corner

I'm on Book Country!
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jules14
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(Wo)man on a Mission
Quote:
 
That's okay. I'm a musical theatre nerd. Most things make me think of musical references.


I know what you mean. I was a musical theatre nerd for a while; I've gotten a little less interested in it over the years, but I still like it. I haven't seen or listened to "Rent" for a long time, though.

Quote:
 
Did you know they are close to signing Orlando Bloom to reprise his role as Legolas in The Hobbit movies? We're going to have a WHOLE new generation of fangirls out there.


:X Oh, God, seriously? Why, Peter Jackson, why? Isn't it enough that your casting choices ruined the Lord of the Rings fandom before? What role could Legolas even play anyway? It's his father who imprisons the Dwarves; if Legolas has a part at all, it will be just standing around and looking pretty...sort of what he did in the first three goddamn movies! :angry:

I hope Jackson doesn't decide to make all thirteen Dwarves comic relief just to make the Elves look good. The Gimli-bashing makes me sick enough; if fanbrats end up bashing Thorin or Balin I might lose it.

Quote:
 
I was reading most of those lines were dubbed because the original script was much more monologue-y.


Which original script? The Room, or Lord of the Rings? Sorry; I'm a little confused.
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MackenzieW
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Oh, God, seriously? Why, Peter Jackson, why?...What role could Legolas even play anyway? It's his father who imprisons the Dwarves; if Legolas has a part at all, it will be just standing around and looking pretty...sort of what he did in the first three goddamn movies!


I know, I was even confused by that. I could understand bringing back Galadriel, but I couldn't see why they would need Legolas. I know they are going to pad the movies with information from the Appendices and the Silm, but do they really need Legolas?

Quote:
 
Which original script? The Room, or Lord of the Rings? Sorry; I'm a little confused.


Oops, sorry. "The Room." It's why the audio and video don't match up.
You are the music while the music lasts--T.S. Eliot

"Stop the damn texting and pick up a book!"--Grandmama, "The Addams Family" (Musical)

"Tomorrow will be better for as long as America keeps alive the ideals of freedom and a better life." —Walt Disney

"I wake in the loneliness of sunrise
When the deep purple heaven turns blue
And start to pray
As I pray each day
That I’ll hear some word from you

I lie in the loneliness of evening
Looking out on a silver-flaked sea
And ask the moon
Oh how soon, how soon
Will my love come home to me"--"Loneliness of Evening," Cinderella


"Thank you, Lord
You have brought us
Safe to shore
Be our strength and protection ever more.
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire
A Thiarna dean trocaire
A Chriost dean trocaire"--Heartland, as performed by Celtic Thunder


I'm writing a novel!

A Guide to Fanfiction for Dummies!

My Little Corner

I'm on Book Country!
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Refia
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To be fair, give me one reason why Legolas would not be present at his father's side during the battle of the five armies? :unsure:
[align=center]“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”
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jules14
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To be fair, give me one reason why Legolas would not be present at his father's side during the battle of the five armies?


Oh, I wouldn't mind if Legolas was just fighting beside his father in a battle. I'm worried that Jackson will somehow make him a main character by giving him a lot of lines and stunts, and that he'll steal the show from Bilbo and the Dwarves.

Quote:
 
Oops, sorry. "The Room." It's why the audio and video don't match up.


Got it. B)
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Ariel
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When one stops and thinks about it, Legolas doesn't really play an important part in the books. He didn't do anything heroic or awesome like most of the others, he was just along for the ride.

God I hope Jackson doesn't do that to the dwarves, there ridiculed enough by the fanbrats without him making it worse.

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Refia
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Especially since the dwarves in "The Hobbit" are so great. ^^
[align=center]“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”
[/align]
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Ariel
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Yep, although some of them weren't very bright.

Is anyone doing Chapter 18? I really want to take a break from Celebrian, preferably before my eyeballs melt.
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Refia
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You can have chapter 18, Ariel. :nod: Saves me the pain. :wasntme:
[align=center]“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”
[/align]
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Ariel
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*punches air* Yes! Er...I mean, oh no. I have to spork this. :whistle:
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Refia
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You'll be glad it's over once you start. >.<
[align=center]“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”
[/align]
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Ariel
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Oh I dunno, I rather enjoyed sporking the last chapter I did. Of course, the Sue makes it terribly easy to make fun of her so....
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