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Clocks, the MST; Read the story here
Topic Started: Mar 1 2010, 11:02 AM (815 Views)
Maevainwen Adaniel
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Master of the Rings
Title: Clocks, the MST
Author: Maevainwen Adaniel
Rating: T
Genre: MST, Humor
Text it is based on: Clocks by PurplePolkaDots93
Characters: Maevainwen and fellow sporkers, the fellowship, Éomer, Éowyn, and Sue called Aurora.
Summary: First Spork, the team gets a typical Girl falls into middle earth/Legomance.
Warnings: Bad Grammar, Canon Rape and Legolas Lusting.

Clocks

Disclaimer: The story is owned by PurplePolkaDots93 and she is quite welcome to keep it, Jacques-Robert le Balrog de Morgoth belongs to Araloth the Random, Jar Jar Binks belongs to George Lucas, Jareth the Goblin king belongs to Jim Henson and George Lucas, and Erestor belongs to J.R.R Tolkien.



Maevainwen was an average, semi-normal Australian girl, living a normal, boring life. That was until she got out of bed on the wrong side one morning and fell down a hole. She landed on her back in a rocky cave, shrieking loudly. Upon rising, she found herself looking at a Balrog, wearing glasses and a white Lab coat.

“Greetings mortal,” said Balrog boomed, with a distinctly French accent. “My name is Jacques-Robert le Balrog de Morgoth, also known as Bob the Balrog, Mordor’s resident psychologist.”

Mae nodded dumbly.

“Sauron has asked me to test the mental resilience of different races, so I have set up a sporking team. . .”

At this, Mae promptly fainted. She woke on the floor of a cell and sat up clutching her head, groaning and alerting the other three inhabitants to her awakening. These poor prisoners were:

Erestor, the learned, albeit mainly ignored chief councillor of Rivendell:
Erestor: By the Valar child. Calm yourself, please, before you hurt my eardrums.
Jareth the Goblin King, ruler of the Labyrinth:
Jareth: If I ever find out who has done this to me, I will suspend them in the Bog of Eternal Stench for the rest of their miserable lives.
And Jar Jar Binks, Gungan Warrior and Senator:
Jar Jar: How wude! Sorry. Husa are yousa?
Mae: umm. . . I’m Mae.


At the sight of the Goblin king, Mae let out a squee. She was, however, prevented from throwing herself on her lust object by the arrival of Bob the Balrog and his team of orcs.

“I suppose you all know what sporking entails,” he grinned, “so I will let you have until the Morning to prepare. When I am ready for you, I will send an orc to lead you to the theatre.” With that he left.

“I don’t suppose anyone could enlighten me on the subject of this so called ‘sporking’,” asked Erestor.

In response, Jar Jar merely walked over to the wall and started banging his head against it. Jareth clutched his hair and sank into a corner, and Mae stood staring blankly at the door. Erestor cleared his throat and touched her on the shoulder.

Mae turned around and said to him flatly, “Sporking is when we are forced to read badfics and riff them.”

“That does not seem too serious,” the Elf replied cheerfully.

“Urgh, that’s what yousa tink,” Jar Jar muttered before going to a bedroom and closing the door.

“I think we should follow the Gungans example,” said Jareth, walking towards another room. “Good night, my fellow sporkers.”

The next morning, as the Sporkers were gathered wearily around a table eating breakfast, a klaxon sounded suddenly and the room was illuminated by strobe lights.

Erestor jumped, “Sweet Valar, what is that noise?!” He exclaimed, clapping his hands to his ears.

“You got a Badfic sign,” replied the orc who had just entered the room. “Follow me to the cinema.”

The team rose to their feet and stumbled after the orc, armed with cups of coffee. They arrived at the doors of a fully equipped modern theatre. Erestor sighed in relief.

“Padded reclining chairs, just what I need.”

“You’ll be needing a lot more than that by the end of this,” Mae noted glumly and sipped her coffee.

The theatre screen lit up as a keyboard appeared in Jareth’s lap. Words appeared on the screen.

~Clocks~

All: Wha?

A/N:

Erestor: What does A/N mean?
Mae: Authors note.


This is my first ever LOTR fic!

*All groan*

It's a Legomance,

Jareth: NO! Let me out!!

haha.

Jar Jar: Oh, very funny

Please don't judge too harshly, even if I get a small LOTR fact wrong or something.

Mae: Oh don’t worry PPD, we will.
Erestor: PPD?
Mae: It’s easier than saying PurplePolkaDots93.
Erestor: Ah!


Tolkein wrote this,

Jareth: And I’ll bet he is rolling in his grave.
Mae: *Incredulously* She can’t even spell the professor’s name?


I didn't. Italicized words are thoughts from 1st POV.

Mae: Oh Good Lord. Not the ‘thinking, speaking, my thoughts’ thing again.

This is based off the movie version.

Jar Jar: Dis is nutsen.

Disclaimer: All of Tolkein's characters belong to him! I only own my OC.

Erestor: At least there is only one of them.
Jareth: Ah, But Suethors are renowned for their inability to count.
Erestor: Oh.


Chapter 1: Middle-earth
Time flew by as clocks spun constantly.

Mae: :blink:
Jar Jar: Clocks spin?
Erestor: Umm, well they usually tick.


Time could never be taken so lightly, it was always too precious to waste.

Jareth: Which is why we are wasting our precious time here now.
Bob: *Over loudspeaker* You are not wasting time, Master goblin. You are participating in an experiment for the betterment of the Mordor torture chambers.


The teenage girl turned in her bed uneasily as she sat up,

Mae: She could sense the PPC coming after her.

staring at her digital clock. It was two in the morning, and she still couldn't fall asleep.

Erestor: She was wondering what that shiny, white round thing in the sky outside her window was.

Her long beautiful jet-black Indian hair, swept in front of her shoulders.

Jar Jar: Mesa tink she mean ‘was swept in front of her shoulders’.
Mae: Ooh, a stray comma, lets send it to Ara’s collection. Oh, and there some missing commas too.


She impatiently tossed it behind her shoulders.

Jareth: *Sarcastically* Ooh this so exciting!
Erestor: And we want to know this because?


For the past week, this had been happening to her.

Jar Jar: The PPC been stalkin’ hersa looong time now.

Sleep had been hard to achieve.

Jar Jar: Oh.

She decided to stand up, walking across her cream-colored carpet.

Jar Jar: An’ she getten tripped ups an’ she cracken her heads.
Jareth: Jar Jar, are you feeling alright?
Jar Jar: Mesa feelin’ fine. Mesa wanna kill the Sue.


Her big brown doe eyes

Erestor: *Pulls out a random phone* Is this the society for neglected commas?

studied an old charm bracelet, which had the letters of her name on it. It read Aurora.

Jareth: NOOO! Not. Aurora. *Starts hyperventilating*
Erestor: Are you alright Jareth?
Mae: Memories of Angey, hey?
*Jareth nods*
Mae: *Hugs Jareth*


Her petite body

Jar Jar: Oh, no! Dis not good!

moved towards her bed, sitting at the end of it. Something was strange,


Erestor: And that should be a semi-colon.

she felt strange…Her eyes looked towards the center of the room, focusing on a small flash of light.

Jareth: It was a boy scouts signalling mirror.

It was probably a flash from a car that drove down her street. A few moments later, the flash of white light didn't disappear.

Mae: Because it came from the torch her brother was shining in her eyes.

If it was a car, it'd certainly be gone by now.

All: No shit, Sherlock.

What is that? It's getting bigger…

Jareth: It was the PPC! There was no escape for the Sue, mwahahaha.
Jar Jar: Wow, dat nicen evil laugh!


The flash of light grew, growing into a sphere the size of a basketball. She stood up, approaching it.

Jareth: *As Aurora* I’m just, lyke, totally gonna go up a random light, cuz that’s, lyke, just a totally awesome thing to do and it, lyke, shows how, lyke, brave and awesome I am!!LOLZ!!11!!
Erestor: *Winces* Can you please not do that, my friend. As an elf, I have very sensitive hearing.
Jareth: Sorry.


"What is going on?" She asked herself. Her hand curiously reached towards the light, pressing a small finger onto the light.

Jar Jar: ‘ello department of redundancies department.

Nothing happened.

All: Damn.

Her hand pulled away reluctantly, but a moment later, her curiosity guided her hand back towards the light. This time her whole palm touched the light.

Jar Jar: Does mesa gotta call the department of redundancies department again?

A suction noise filled the room as the light began to slowly creep up her arm. She tried to pull her hand away, but couldn't. Her arm shook rapidly, as though she was trying to shake off a spider.

Mae: Then Shelob came out of the light to start a rampage against all things Sue-ish.
Erestor: *Enthusiastically* And she ate the Sue right there and then. Can we have popcorn?
Bob: No!


The light enveloped her as her body began to feel queasy.

Jareth: Come on. . . Die, sue die!

The light absorbed her, showing her a series of colorful lighting. Her body zoomed through a narrow path filled with nothing but color. It was like an everlasting rainbow.

Jar Jar: Mesa tinken she seed lotsa colours.
Mae: Do you really think so?


She closed her eyes out of fear, fear of the unknown.

Mae: Fear of the PPC
Erestor: Fear of Shelob, who had finally began to eat her!
Jareth: Fear of the ghosts of Tolkien and spell check
Jar Jar: Fear of the Trade Federation.


Her body stopped feeling queasy and light, she felt solid again.

Erestor: Because she had inexplicably become insubstantial before.

She slowly opened her eyes. What lay upon her was the most unpredictable thing unimaginable.

Jareth: It was the sword of a ranger.
Mae: That could have very dodgy connotations.
Jareth: *Grins evilly*


She saw nothing but Uruk-hai's

Mae: *Twitch* The plural is Uruk-hai not Uruk-hai’s. The singular is Uruk-hai as well.

running vibrantly

Erestor: How does one run vibrantly?

through a beautiful healthy forest.

Mae: How does she know it’s healthy?
Jar Jar: Da being hereabouts, cawazy!


Aurora looked around, realizing there was actually Uruk-hai's.

Mae: *Twitch*
Erestor: Did she not mention that they were Uruk-hai before?
Jareth: Ah, well. Suethors are also renowned for being inconsistent.


Uruk-hai's

Mae: *Twitches again*

are only in one place….Middle-earth. Middle-earth! This is crazy. "Lord of the rings", is only a book series and movie series.

Jar Jar: Mesa no tink so.

She took another glimpse, hiding herself behind a tree as Uruk-hai's

*Mae twitches yet again*
Jareth: No, Mae. . . don’t leave us alone here. . . *hugs Mae*
Erestor: You can do it Mae. . . there’s not much left.


came running by her. What part in the movie is this? This must be the first one, it looks like it.

Jar Jar: Cause deres no Uruk-hai inna other movies, hmmm?

She stepped out from behind the tree as she began following the Uruk hai's

*Mae twitches again and passes out*
Jar Jar: Dissen berry, berry bad.
Jareth: *Grabs Mae* Mae!! Wake up!! Don’t do this to us!
*Erestor pulls a cup of water out of nowhere and throws it on Mae*
Mae: Gasp!


quietly, trying not to get herself noticed.

Erestor: Does she have any idea how hard it actually is to walk quietly through a forest?

She stopped running as she immediately remembered what part this was.

Mae: She can run quietly through the forest?

Aurora crouched behind a tree as she watched Boromir viciously sever Uruk-hai's.

Jareth: Viciously sever Uruk-hai’s what? I wish PPD would finish her Sentences.

"Oh no.." She whispered to herself.

Jar Jar: The PPC!

A huge Uruk-hai, the leader who was meant to kill Boromir, walked by her. He luckily didn't notice her as she scrambled out of sight from him.

Mae: Because he was blind.

Her eyes widened from fear as she watched him lift up his bow, an arrow was notched in it. The Uruk-hai prepared to let go of the string, to kill Boromir. Aurora squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to see.

Jar Jar: *As Aurora* Oh! Icky icky goo!

Why I'm I just sitting here? I can't let that nasty Uruk-hai kill him. I have to do something….but I shouldn't change the story. This is all insane.

Erestor: Do us a favour and get yourself shot by the bloody Uruk.

Aurora flashed opened her eyes as a new desire came upon her:

All: :blink:
Mae: The desire to glomp Boromir?


the desire to save Boromir's life.

Mae: Oh

She suddenly ran out from behind the tree, running towards the huge Uruk-hai wildly.

Jareth: It’s Kamikaze!Sue.

She jumped up from behind the tall Uruk-hai, grasping onto his back.

Jar Jar: *Gasps* How wude.

He let go of the string, but the arrow hit a tree instead. He growled viciously as Aurora clung to his back, choking him.

Erestor: She was choking an Uruk? By hanging onto his back?!?

Boromir's mouth hung open from shock. Merry and Pipin

Mae: Oops, a mini-Balrog.
*All search for the mini. Jar Jar coaxes him out with a strip of Bacon.*
Jar Jar: Hmmm. Hmmm. Wahhh! Where... Wheres yousa goin? Ugh! Eh, I got ya. Awww yousa cute.


wore a similar expression.

Jareth: *As reporter* Shock. It’s the latest fashion in expressions.

"Die Kill me."

Mae: Thanks Erestor.
*Erestor hands the keyboard back to Jareth*


Aurora hissed viciously as she held on to him, no matter how hard he struggled. He suddenly backed up into a tree,

Jareth: Reducing her to a bubbling, pink smear on the trunk. Mwahahahahaha.

scraping Aurora's body. She screamed in pain, barely hanging on now.

*Erestor pulls out a bag of popcorn*

Boromir came running, clutching his sword tightly. He swung it at the Uruk-hai, grazing some of the beast's skin. The monster spun around, making it difficult for Boromir to aim.

Mae: Don’t you aim a gun rather than a sword?
Jareth: Well, it depends on what sort of sword. . .
*Mae claps her hand over Jareth’s Mouth*


"Get off!" Boromir shouted at her.

Jar Jar: Boromir, yousa listen to mesa. Don’t save da sue.

"NO!" She choked him viciously, strangely enjoying it.

Erestor: She was choking Boromir now?
Jareth: Sadistic little bitch, what.


"Now!" He yelled, swinging his sword.

*Jareth opens his mouth*
*Mae glares at him*
*Jareth shuts his mouth*


Aurora finally listened, letting go. She dropped onto the ground, hitting it hard. She painfully sat up, rubbing her back.
"Like I'm ever going to save you again." Aurora muttered angrily.

Erestor: *Confused* But Boromir just saved your life, why are you angry at him?
Mae: Because everyone’s, lyke, totally gotta LUV her, cuz she’s, lyke, the all perfect sue!!LOLZ!11!
*Erestor winces again.*


Boromir suddenly flew to the ground, landing next to her. His eyes were shut as he had been knocked out.

*Jar Jar holds up a ‘Prevent the Neglection of Commas’ sign*
His sword lay several feet away, where the Uruk-hai stood triumphantly. He bent down, ready to pick up Boromir.

Jareth: Why would the Uruk want to pick Boromir up? Don’t they usually just kill their enemies and leave them?

Aurora watched fearfully, but quickly regained her courage.

Jar Jar: What courage? Shesa have no courage.

"Hey you!" She shouted, "ugly! Why don't you mess with me!"

All: Go Lurtz. Kill the Sue.

The Uruk-hai ignored Boromir as he moved towards her now.

All: *Chanting* Kill the sue, kill the sue, kill the sue.
*Erestor breaks out the popcorn again*


She attempted to reach for the sword, but noticed her leg wouldn't budge. Aurora looked at her leg, noticing her pajama pant leg was caught to the tree.

All: Yesss.
Mae: Wouldn’t that be ‘caught on the tree’?


"Crap…"

Erestor: *Sternly* Watch your language, young Lady.

She mumbled as the Uruk-hai moved closer to her, "so much for my plan."

Jareth: What plan?
Mae: The Kamikaze!sue plan.


"You are so foolish…." The Uruk-hai spoke as he grabbed her by her shirt, lifting her easily, "woman. Women do not belong in the battle field."

Mae: Sexist!

"Yes they do!" She screamed, ferociously struggling. He grew angry, clutching both hands around her throat. His huge hands choked her as the life was slowly draining away from her.

*Everyone eats popcorn and sips their coffees*

Aurora suddenly heard footsteps.

Erestor: It was Shelob who had finally caught up with her prey.

Hopefully it was Gimli or Aragorn.

Jar Jar: Not Boromir?

It couldn't be Legolas; he wouldn't be so loud. He's an elf for crying out loud.

Jareth: And because he is an elf he would walk absolutely silently through a forest, eh.

She struggled to breathe as pain resonated around her neck.

*Pause*
*Everyone laughs*
Mae: So, pain resonates now does it? I thought that was sound?


I'm going to die….Her thoughts were slipping as she was being choked to death. Her body suddenly fell to the ground as the Uruk-hai let go of her.

Erestor: And her spirit went to join her creator, Morgoth, in the void. End of story.

She coughed as she regained oxygen.

Erestor: Oh.

Her eyes looked up to see an arrow piercing through the Uruk-hai's head. He fell down roughly, hitting the ground in death.

Jar Jar: *As eyes* Ooh, looksie an arrow!
Jareth: Hello, department of redundancies department?


"Boromir." Aragorn spoke concernedly as he kneeled next to him. Aurora struggled to stand up, using the tree to assist her. She suddenly felt a pair of strong hands, gripping her shoulders.

Mae: *As PPC officer* Aurora, we arrest you on the charges of being a sue, for the intention of seducing the Fellowship, the murdering of grammar and for Canon rape.

"My lady."

All: Comma

A beautiful voice spoke soothingly. Aurora didn't have to look to see who that was. Only an Elf could have such a beautiful voice.

Jareth: *Sarcastically* Oh of course it did! Only elves can have beautiful voices.
Mae: I think you have a beautiful voice Jareth.
Jareth: Aww thanks Mae *hugs Mae*
*Mae snuggles closer to Jareth*
Erestor: Don’t tell me I need a sickness bag now. Please wait until you are out of my presence before going sappy on each other.


"Where are the hobbits?" Gimli wondered

All: Comma.

as he approached Boromir and Aragorn. He stopped walking as he saw Aurora. His eyes grew wide, shocked to see a lady in the middle of a battlefield.

Erestor: Especially as she was only clad in her nightwear.

"Oh my god." Aurora put a hand to the back of her head, "is Boromir ok?"

Jar Jar: *Yells* Course hesa nots okeyday, idiot Sue! *Breaks down crying*
Erestor: Jar Jar! You’ll be alright. Here, have my coffee.
*Jar Jar sniffs and drinks the coffee*


She pulled her shoulders away from Legolas's grasp as she bent down to check on Boromir. She grabbed Boromir's wrist, checking for a pulse.

Mae: So she’s a bloody doctor now is she?

A pulse sounded throughout his body, which put a smile on her face.

Jareth: I thought she didn’t like Boromir?

I saved Boromir. I can't wait to meet Faramir. He's the hot one….I need to keep my teenage hormones under control.

All: Wha?
Erestor: Argh! Tell me I didn't just read that!
Jar Jar: yousa did.


We're in the war of the ring, not ,"Titanic."

Jar Jar: Titanic?
Mae: We can watch it tonight. Oh, another stray comma.


"He's alive." Aurora announced to them all.

Erestor: As if Aragorn could not tell that himself.

"We must keep moving." Aragorn stood up, eyeing Aurora strangely.

Jareth: He was deciding on the most effective way to kill her.

"My lady." Legolas approached her, but this time he was in front of her. He was beautiful, even more beautiful than Orlando Bloom could portray him.

Erestor: Who is Orlando Bloom?
Mae: He acted Legolas in the LOTR movies.


Her mouth dropped at the sight of him. He was the most beautiful man she had ever laid eyes on.

Jar Jar: Yah. Yousa point is well seen.

"Holy shit."

Erestor: She thinks excrement is holy?

She mumbled as she continually checked out Legolas.

Jareth: Her gaze travelled down his body and came to rest on his co. . .
*Mae covers Jareth’s mouth again*


"What are you doing here my lady?" Legolas asked, "where do you hail from?"

Erestor: Because Legolas calls every random girl he meets ‘my Lady’.

"I hail from Los Angeles, California on planet Earth." She said, "I can't believe I'm in Middle-earth. This is awesome."

Jar Jar: Yousa already told uses that.

She spun around as she eyed the trees with amazement.

Mae: *deadpan* Because there were no trees in Los Angeles for her to eye.
Jar Jar: Shesa was eying off the trees? Wow shesa desperate!!
Erestor: Jar Jar! Get your mind out of the gutter!


Everything looked clean and pure in Middle-earth. This was truly the most unusual thing to ever happen to her.

All: Yes, you already told us that.

Legolas made a puzzled face as so did the rest of them.

Erestor: *As reporter* Get your limited edition puzzled faces today!

He had never seen anyone with a skin tone like hers. A skin tone that was darker than usual.

Jareth: Was she African? Because I’m sure he would have seen tanned skin before. What about those Easterlings?

He didn't know of a Los Angeles or California either.

All: No duh.

"What are these strange lands you speak of?" Legolas questioned.
"My world's a toxic dump, including Los Angeles. That's all you got to know." She said.

Mae: *Angrily* My world is not a toxic dump!! Just because the section that you live in may be a dump, it doesn’t mean that the whole world is!!
Erestor: *pats Mae on the shoulder* Calm down Mae, please.


"We must go after the hobbits." Gimli spoke hastily.

Jareth: For he alone realized the Sues evilness.

"It's no use." Aurora shook her head, "Frodo and Sam have left on their own. Pipin and Merry we're taken by the Uruk-hai. The only thing we can do is track Pipin and Merry."

They all made confused faces.

Mae:*As reporter* Get your confused faces half-price today!

How did she know their names? How did she know of these things?

Jar Jar: Because shesa from da dark side.

"How do you know our names?" Aragorn wondered.

Erestor: He was considering the possibility that she worked for Sauron.

"It's complicated…" Aurora answered, "from where I come from, tons of people know who you are."

Mae: Did she even read that after she wrote it?

Boromir suddenly coughed, interrupting the discussion. He sat up as Aragorn helped him.

Jar Jar: Whaaa?

His eyes looked at Aurora, becoming rather fidgety around her.

Jareth: *As eyes* Urgh, Aurora makes me feel fidgety.

"My lady…." He pointed at her,

Mae: It’s rude to point at a lady.
Erestor: Ah, but I doubt the sue is what one would refer to as a ‘lady’.
Mae: True dat.


"I owe you my gratitude. I've never seen such a ferocious lady,

Jar Jar: :blink:
Jareth: Where was she ferocious?
Erestor: Maybe when she tried to strangle both the Uruk and Boromir.


but nevertheless you saved my life."

Mae: Oh good lord Boromir. She’s a sue! Of course she saved your life.

"You know." Aurora chuckled, "my name isn't, 'my lady,'

All: No shit, Sherlock.

its Aurora."

*Jareth throws his empty coffee cup at Aurora*

"Lady Aurora I am so thankful." Boromir stood to a kneeling position, holding himself on one knee.

Mae: *Wipes blood off her cheek* ARGH, my eyes have started bleeding already!!

He bowed his head at Aurora's feet. She smirked, enjoying this.

All: Of course she did.

Aragorn quickly pulled his sword out,

Jareth: Aren’t you moving a bit fast, Aragorn? You’ve just met her.
Erestor: Jareth! I am shocked!


"Boromir, we must track Merry and Pipin. They were taken."

Mae: So now you remember that!

"What about Frodo and Sam?" Boromir asked as he stood up now.
"They shall be safe."

All: Comma.

Said Legolas.
"What are we going to do with her?" Gimli pointed at Aurora as though she wasn't there.

*Jar Jar holds up a ‘We Love You Gimli’ sign*

"A life is for a life." Boromir said as he turned towards her, "we can not simply leave her."

Erestor: We may get hungry on the way. Then we can make her into roast sue.
Mae: Is this your sadistic side, Erestor?


"She is a lady." Legolas said the obvious, "it is dangerous for a lady to wander in the woods by her lonesome."

Jar Jar: OkeyDay. . .

"I am not your average lady." Aurora angrily said.

Jareth: No, you’re a fricking Sue.

They ignored her, continually talking as though she wasn't there.

Mae: Wow, maybe they are immune to the power of this sue?

"We must take her with us." Aragorn said,

Erestor: No such luck Mae.

"we can leave her in the next safe city we come by."

Jareth: *As Boromir* But what about the roast sue?

"That is what we shall do." Legolas agreed.
Gimli grumpily moaned, "this is a bad idea."

*Everyone raises their refilled coffee cups in a toast to Gimli*

"I'm not a horse or something." Aurora stomped childishly, "I am seventeen year's old,

Erestor: Sweet Eru, she’s acting like a ten year old.

very capable of taking care of myself. You can't decide where to put me."

Mae: Cuz i’ve, lyke, gotta go with you cuz if I don’t, lyke, marry my Leggy-kins, middle-earth will be, lyke, totally lost!!11!!
*Erestor gives Mae the Dagger Stare Of Doom*


"Let's go." Aragorn ignored her as he ran off, starting to track Pipin and Merry.

Jar Jar: Yousa should tink and leave da sue to bees eatin’ by da wildbeests.

"The Uruk-hai

Jareth: Look, my friends. . . She finally spelt it right.
Jar Jar: Whoo, let’s partay
Bob: No partying during the sporking sessions, my dear Gungan.


who took them headed that way." Aurora pointed in the direction she had seen them go last. The little hobbits had been only a passing thought at the time though.

Erestor: Because they weren’t as important to her as ‘checking out’ Legolas was.

She knew they were meant to be ok.
"Very well." Aragorn nodded his head, following the trail.

Jar Jar: Why you listnin’ to hersa. Why, why, why. *starts crying again*
*Mae hugs Jar Jar*


________________________________________
Erestor: What is THAT?
Jareth: A paragraph breaker.


Night had quickly approached, causing the woods to darken.

Mae: Well, night usually does that, dear.

She didn't know how much further it would be to Rohan or to meeting white Gandalf.

Jar Jar: Ooohh, mesa head hurts lotsa now.

She stumbled tiredly as they continually walked. Her and Gimli fell behind, being the shortest out of the group.

Erestor: So being short now means that you are automatically slow.

Now, Middle-earth doesn't seem so fun. Luckily I had a pair of slippers on when I came here, but these slippers are wearing down.

Jareth: She now realised that her bunny slippers were not the best thing to wear to the annual girl scouts hike.

I'm tired, so exhausted. Boromir, Legolas, and Aragorn all seem to have magical endurance though.

Mae: Maybe you are just not as fit as them, or are you super fit!Sue as well.

"They're tired." Boromir turned around as he watched Gimli and Aurora, "we must
stop, stay the night here."

Erestor: *As Boromir* And I’m hungry too, how about we try that recipe for sue pasties that I found in Sam’s pack?
Jar Jar: Horrible...


Aragorn turned his head to see how tired they were,

All: Full stop.
Mae: The mutilation of grammar is killing me. Are my eyes bleeding again?


"alright, we shall stop."
They suddenly stopped;

Erestor: Wouldn’t they have found a suitable campsite first?

Aurora sat on the ground quickly. She rested her legs, feeling so exhausted.

Jareth: *throws a piece of popcorn at the word Aurora* Yes, you told us that last paragraph.

Gimli walked to a rock, sitting down.
"I'll find some wood." Legolas stalked off.

Jar Jar: Wha? Iss Legolas angries, or does shesa mean walked?

"I shall go hunting." Aragorn took off, sprinting into the darkness.

Mae: Wouldn’t he have lit a torch first? Or is this I-can-see-in-the-dark!Aragorn.

"Lady Aurora and Gimli, I will go gather some water so we can boil the sue." Announced Boromir as he walked off.

Erestor: Thank you Jareth.

"Great…" Aurora said, "I'm stuck with you, Dwarf."

Mae: *Nearly in tears* Don’t bag the awesome Dwarf, Aurora. At least he is a Canon character, not some stupid sue.
*Jar Jar pats Mae on the back*


"There is nothing wrong with being a Dwarf." He gruffly spoke,

Jareth: Not the ‘dwarves acting like cavemen’ again.

"I am a proud Dwarf."
"Whatever." She mumbled, "it's so prideful to be short."

All: :blink:
Mae: How is it prideful to be short? I’m short, and no one has ever told me that before.


"I wouldn't be talking lady Aurora; you are not very tall yourself." He commented.

*All toast Gimli Again*

"Hey, we're not talking about how short I am. We're talking about how short you are."

Jar Jar: Don’t be so wude.

After several minutes, Legolas was the first to return. He held onto a bundle of wood, dropping it onto the ground.

*Pause*
Jareth: Did that make sense to anyone?
Erestor: It would seem that Legolas was still holding the wood when he dropped it.


A fire was soon started, quickly adding light to the dark area.

Erestor: Fires do seem to do that PPD.

Aurora scooted herself towards the flames, enjoying the sudden warmness.

Mae: Wouldn’t warmth be a more logical word to use?
Jareth: The word Logic doesn’t seem to be part of a suethors vocabulary, Mae.


Gimli stood up from his rock, sitting next to the fire now.
"Lady Aurora." Legolas took notice of her slippers, "you cannot travel in such weak footwear."

Jar Jar: *As Aurora* Ohhh, noo! Wesa dyin' here! Wesa needs new shoes, otherwise yousa needs to carry my.

"Duh." She rolled her eyes as he took a seat next to her, "it's not like I can go to some shoe store. This is all I have."

Erestor: One should not be so rude to a prince!

"I have a pair of extra Elven boots." He said,

Mae: *Snorts* Coz Legolas always carries spare boots with him on massively long journeys.

reaching for his cloak. He slipped his hand inside a huge pocket within the cloak, pulling out Elven boots. Elves are weird…who keeps shoes in their cloaks?

Erestor: I think that this Legolas is an imposter! None of the elves I know would carry boots in their cloaks.

"Thanks so much." She gratefully took them, slipping off her slippers. She luckily wore warm socks, which she was also grateful for.

Jareth: Yes, ok, we get it!! She was grateful for a LOT of things!!

She put on the very big pair of boots,

Jar Jar: Cause Legolas has biiiig feets.

which didn't fit her properly. At least they were more travel convenient though.

Erestor: How can they be more travel convenient if they are too big for her?
Jareth: Cuz now she has the opportunity to trip and fall into the totally HAWT elf’s arms and twist her ankle so her lust object will have to carry her all the way to Edoras.
*Mae looks thoughtful*
Jareth: No Mae, if you trip and twist your ankle I won’t carry you around.
Mae: Damn.


"I am very curious."

All: Comma.

The Elf confessed, "you spoke of a world, where you call it such names as toxic."

*Mae grinds her teeth*

"Well, everything's always so complicated in my world. There's a lot more dishonest people and bad people."

Jar Jar: How dat mean toxic?

She spoke

Erestor: Said would the proper word there m’dear.
as her big

All: Comma.

brown eyes widened, "for example, most of my friend's parents are divorced."

Mae: Ok. . . I don’t like the idea of divorce, but if a couple divorce it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re dishonest and bad.

"What is divorce?"
"It's when marriage is split, ended."

Jareth: Seriously Aurora, you could have defined it a bit better. Maybe like, it is when a husband and wife decide that they don’t want to stay together, so they leave each other.

"Is it when one of them dies? Then they are left as a widower."

Mae: Or a widow.

Gimli, who had been listening, asked.

Jareth: See? Now you have confused the poor dwarf.

"No, it's no like that." She shook her head, "the couple chooses to end their marriage because they no longer want to be together."

Erestor: You could have just said that in the first place and saved our poor brains from the Horror.

Legolas and Gimli's expressions changed to shock. They had never heard of such things.
"That is unheard of." Legolas muttered.

Jar Jar: Yes, wesa get da point.

"So Legolas."

All: Comma
Mae: I’m getting really tired of this.


Aurora changed the subject, "how old are you actually? I've heard several things. I've heard you're almost three-thousand or that you're seven-hundred."

Erestor: It is not polite to ask an elf what his age is.
Jareth: *Sarcastically* In case you haven’t noticed, the sue is not a very polite person.


His eyes fell to the ground,

Jar Jar: And landed inna puddle.

"I have lived for a very long time my lady."

Erestor: YOU’RE A FREAKING ELF!! OF COURSE YOU HAVE LIVED A LONG TIME!!
Mae: :blink:
Jareth: Wow.
Jar Jar: Yousa bees okeyDay with ussen Erestor.


"Well no shit

*Jar Jar holds up his ‘Prevent the Neglection of Commas’ sign again*

Sherlock."

Erestor: What is this Sherlock that keeps being mentioned.
Mae: He was a fictional detective in the late 1900’s.


She said, "I want to know if you're really in your thousands though."

Erestor: *Wearily* I wish she would be more respectful.

Gimli laughed, "Oh….Elf you are old." Legolas still looked at the ground as his face filled with a light shade of pink.

Jar Jar: Why hesa blushing?
Jareth: Why would he be embarrassed because he is “old”?


"Oh my god." Aurora excitedly said, "you really are old!"

Erestor: Can I now say ‘No shit, Sherlock’?
Mae: Yes.
Erestor: No shit, Sherlock.


"Are you sure you can continue this journey old man?" Gimli teased, "or is it too much for you?"
Aurora and Gimli laughed at poor Legolas.

Jar Jar: Nawww poor Leggy-kins.

Boromir came from the woods, carrying a small pot of water. He watched them curiously, as they laughed at Legolas.

Jareth: Then he grabbed the sue and shoved her into the pot to boil her. Mwahahahaha.

"What is so funny?"

Mae: *As Aurora* The fact that you, lyke, haven’t noticed the ‘Kick my ass’ sign I, lyke, stuck on your back earlier!!LOLZ!!
*Erestor glares at her*
*Mae hides behind Jar Jar*


"Legolas is an old fart." Aurora explained.

Erestor: I beg your pardon?
Jareth: *stretching* It’s just an expression.


"And how old are you lady Aurora?" He wondered as he brought the pot of water closer to the fire, ready to boil it her.

Mae: thanks Jar Jar.

"I'm seventeen."

Erestor: Meaning you are too young for a mature elf like Legolas to fall in love with.

"You are quite young." Boromir commented.

Jar Jar: Well Waddidya expect?

"I'm a year until a legal adult." She looked forward to it.

Mae: Cuz then I can, lyke, totally go and get myself smashed and, lyke, raped on the street an’ all that!!11!! *Hides from Erestor*

________________________________________
Jareth: *Singing* Because you’re mine, I walk the line.

Galadriel nodded her head gently as she listened to the sounds of the Lothlorien Elves singing from afar.

Jar Jar: *As reporter* Get yousas bobble-head!Galadriel today.

She stood in a small beautiful garden that was made in her name.

All: Wha?

She swiftly walked pass beautiful different flowers that smelled so good.

Erestor: And how old is the Author? That sounded like something a primary school student wrote.
Mae: She probably didn’t get through primary school.


She was tempted to pluck a few and take them for their smell.

Jar Jar: OkeyDay. Well, dat smells stinkowiff.

The night sky only caused the garden to glow, making an eerie appearance.

Jareth: I thought the garden looked beautiful, not eerie.

"Lady Galadriel." She heard a familiar voice appear behind her.

Erestor: It was the ghost of Celebrian.
Mae: AAARRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!
Erestor: *Confused* What did I say?
Jareth: Celebrian! One of the most disgusting and perverted fics ever written!


Her head turned to see the familiar face of the king of northern Mirkwoood: King Thranduil.

Jar Jar: Not Celebrian?

She studied his worried face carefully, finding it so interesting to see a king worry over something that had already been practically fixed.

Jareth: Did anyone understand that?
*Crickets chirp*
Jareth: I thought so.


"There is no need to worry Thranduil. She followed the light." She said.

Jar Jar: *As Thranduil* Huh? Aah! Monster's back!

"My lady, has the prophecy surely begun?" He questioned earnestly.

Jareth: *Begins Hyperventilating again* This is becoming very reminiscent of An. . . Ang. . .
Mae: Angey?
Jareth: *Nods*


"Yes, she has arrived."

All: Comma.
Erestor: Do we have to keep doing that?


Galadriel nodded her head, "it was quite difficult for me to pull her from such a far away, and troublesome dimension."

All: Wha?
Jar Jar: Mesa getting’ brain damage here.


"I am most thankful." He bowed to her feet respectively.

Mae: *As Thranduil* Oh, Galadriels feet, I offer you my respect.

"She is accompanying the torn fellowship now." Galadriel mysteriously spoke as she walked behind Thranduil, who still kneeled at her feet,

*Pause*
Erestor: Oh, I get it. She walked around the kneeling king till she stood behind him.
Jareth: Oh, yeah. Wasn’t he bowing just before though?
Mae: Yes Jareth, but that would be consistent, wouldn’t it?


"I believe she shall survive the war of the ring.

Jar Jar: Oh, but she won’t. 'Tis demanded by the gods her life is.

Is it not true that you're son is the greatest archer of the third age?"

Jareth: Of course he was. We couldn’t have the sue couldn’t fall in love with anyone who is less-than-perfect now, could we?

"Legolas is a great archer." Thranduil confirmed, "my son's archery is truly unrivaled."

Jar Jar: *Picks up the phone* ‘ello, Department of Redundancies Department?

"Well, then." She looked at him with an intense stare,

All: Ooh, an intense stare.
Erestor: Did I just see some description?


"the young mortal girl shall be fine. You should not worry any longer."

Mae: Why is he worrying about the sue?
Jareth: Cuz she’s destined to be his sons twu wuv.


"Yes," he stood up, "I shall finally have a peaceful night."

Jar Jar: Good for yousa. *throws his coffee cup at the screen*

A/N: Please Review!

All: NO!

Tell me what you think!

Erestor: Stop writing!
Mae: you’re a load of bullshit!
Jar Jar: Ohhh, noo! Wesa dyin' here!
Jareth: I’ll second all those.


Don't be a nasty mean flamer who shoots hopes down though.

All: Awww, but it’s fun being a flamer.
Mae: Is it over?
Jar Jar: mesa tink so.
Bob: that is all. . .
All: Yay!!
Bob: For today.
All: NOOOOO!!
Bob: Well, go. . .
*All run out of theatre*

Mae: I need something strong at the bar.
Erestor: I think Jar Jar and I will join you m’dear
Jareth: I think I’ll pass. Last time I got drunk there were disastrous results.

*Mae laughs*

Review here!
If I promise not to kill you can I have a hug?

My favorite thing about eating gummy bears is that they don't fight back when bite their heads off

Teddies don't hug back, but sometimes they're all you have...

Joker: You know, there are three kinds of people in this world. The optomistic that find the glass half full, and the pessimistic that see it as half empty. Then there's the paranoid, and they just think someone's drinking out of their glass.

Corrigan: Huh, then which one are you?

Joker: I'm the one who knocks the glass over.
~ The Joker Blogs.
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Maevainwen Adaniel
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Master of the Rings
Mae woke up the next morning to a splitting headache. She couldn’t remember half the events of the previous night, but was sure they were more than mildly embarrassing. Groaning, she pulled herself out of bed and tried to leave the room, but the door was locked. She banged on the door until an extremely tired Erestor came and unlocked it. Mae turned to him,

“What exactly happened last night?” She asked.

Erestor’s face turned a delicate shade of pink as he mumbled, “I am afraid that we let you drink a bit more than you should have. You tried to break into the room inhabited by our esteemed friend Jareth; he transported you to your room and locked the door to prevent a repetition of said events. . .” He trailed off.

“Shit.”

They walked together to the kitchen. Mae, blushing a deep crimson, slunk into her seat. Jareth glared at her,

“No alcohol tonight,” was all he said. Mae nodded.

Jacques-Robert entered the room consulting his notepad. “The Goblin King and the Elf have both shown extraordinary tolerance to the suethors work.” He grinned at Jareth and Erestor, “I think their reactions today will be more than interesting, especially after the events of last night.” His smile broadened as he left the sporkers to eat their breakfast.

An hour later the group of now reconciled prisoners gathered outside the theatre with their supplies of coffee and nachos.

The screen lit up as they sat in the seats.

Chapter 2: Eomer and the Rohan Army

Erestor: Doesn’t Éomer have an accent over the E?
Jar Jar: Yah. But dis iss a sue.
Jareth: Not another addition to the sues harem


A/N: Not everything will be the same as movie/book.

Mae: *shakes fist at the screen* Canon Raper!

Lines from the movie will be changed,

Jareth: No movie script? This might not be so bad after all.

remember….there's two more people accompanying Legolas, Gimli, and Aragorn.

Jar Jar: Urgh, Mebbe it will be.

Oh yeah, thanks for the reviews!

Erestor: Bloody reviewers, I swear I shall hunt them down and kill them.
Jar Jar: Umm, Erestor. . .
Erestor: I had forgotten how much I hate hangovers.
Mae: Whatever happened to a disclaimer?


Aurora uncomfortably tossed and turned in her sleep as bad dreams plagued her.

Jareth: She dreamed that her Leggy-kins was hitting it off with Éowyn and had left her with the dwarf. Mwahahahaha

Her long beautiful jet-black Indian hair turned with her.

Mae: Noo, she removed it for the night and put it in a glass of water by her bedside. . . right next to the jar that held her nonexistent brain, her teeth and the ghosts of all the neglected commas.

"Aurora Shakahr."

*Jareth shudders and throws a corn chip at Aurora*

I heard my full name being said as I stood in my bedroom. It was my demanding uncle who called.

Jar Jar: Hesa was so, lyke, mean cuz hesa only letted my be gettin’, lyke, only ONE whole floor of da housen for mesa self!!11!!
*Erestor moans and covers his ears*


I followed his voice, walking out of my bedroom and down the long woodened stairs.

Mae: What does a woodened stair look like?

I saw my uncle, who gambled like usual, sitting at a table, surrounded by many friends.

Jareth: Can we send that comma to Ara’s collection too?

Many of his friends wore traditional Indian turbans like him, but not all of them were Indians.

All: :blink:

They varied in ethnic backgrounds.
"Aurora, I need money."

All: Comma

My uncle demanded as I approached him.

Erestor: And enter the wicked uncle.

"I don't have any money."

All: Comma
Mae: *Sigh* Not the start of the ‘tragic background’ sequence.


I said defensively because I really didn't have any money.

Jar Jar: *grabs phone* iss dis da Society for neglected commas?

"You have money, now get it. You should have money left over from what your mom and dad

Erestor: Capitalise Mom and Dad.

gave you." He harshly said as he gulped down more beer.

Mae: I feel your pain my friend. Can we throw a party for the awesome, sue-hating uncle?
Bob and Jareth: No!!


I rolled my eyes,

Erestor: Out the door and into the garden.

"I had to spend it on necessities."

Jar Jar: Like a new brain.

I chose to try to walk away,

All: Wha?

but I was suddenly stopped.

Jareth: By the bullet now lodged in her black heart.

One of my uncle's drunken friend's

*Mae twitches*
Jareth: Not already


grabbed my hand roughly.

Jar Jar: How wude!

"You've grown up, haven't you? My, you're a woman now." He eyed me in a perverted manner.

Erestor: Leave her my friend, she is a sue and definitely not worth the effort.
Mae: Cradle-snatcher!


I pulled my hand away sternly.
"Don't touch me." I warned, ready to hit him.

Jar Jar: Ooh, Scary!sue

"Do not be disrespectful little girl." My uncle slurred his words.

Jareth: If he was slurring his words wouldn’t he sound more like “Do not be dishreshpectful widdle girrl”

"Whatever." I muttered,

Erestor: Do not be so rude to your uncle.

taking off running towards the stairs. As I approached the stairs,

Jar Jar: ‘ello, Department of redundancies department?

they started unexplainably getting taller and taller.

Mae: *As Aurora* They told me that Crack would affect my brain. . .
Jareth: What brain?


I climbed each stair, but each would become harder to climb than the next…

Jar Jar: Huh... yousa might'n be sayin dat wit no tense changes so ussens not have bleeding eyes.

Aurora sat up wildly as her eyes flashed open.

Erestor: How does THAT work?
*Jareth tries to flash his eyes open* It doesn’t Erestor.


Luckily, everyone was asleep or so she thought…

Mae: It HAS to be Shelob this time.

"My lady." Legolas's voice spoke softly from behind her.

Erestor: *As Legolas* Why are you still alive?
Jareth: *As Aurora* Why shouldn’t I be alive, you totally hawt hunk of an Elf. . . umm, I mean Leggy.
Erestor: *As Legolas* Because I poisoned your dinner.
Jareth: *As Aurora* But you’re suppose to be, lyke, my twu wuv.


She turned her head, looking to see him sitting up, still awake. That's right; he's supposed to be keeping guard. He's been keeping watch for the last three nights, poor Elf.

Jareth: *Snorts* Poor Elf my arse. Of course, he may decide to sleep if ‘someone’ offered to keep him, ahem, company for the night.
*Erestor sighs*


Aurora knew that tomorrow would be the day that they would run into Eomer and some of the Rohan Army.

Erestor: And how, pray tell, did she know this?

It'd be the day they went to Rohan, and discover Gandalf the gray

Mae: Capital G

had become Gandalf the white.

Mae: And capital W

"Are you alright? It appears to me that you were having a nightmare."

All: *bored* Comma.
Jar Jar: Mesa can’t take dis no more *breaks down crying*
Mae: *Hugs Jar Jar* You’ll be alright Jar Jar.


Legolas said as he sat a couple feet away, resting his body against a rock. Aurora stood up abruptly, wrapping her warm blankets around her.

Erestor: Where did the fellowship get warm blankets from?
Mae: They wished for them from the faerie godmother!!
*The guys look at Mae oddly*
Mae: What? Haven’t you heard of the faerie godmother before?


She approached him slowly.

Jareth: Before throwing herself on him and passionately snogging him as the rest of the fellowship looked on jealously.

"Hey, I can keep watch. I really don't want to go back to sleep. You can sleep." She volunteered.

Mae: Cuz then I can, lyke, spend the rest of the night staring at your totally hawt body without embarrassing myself!!LOLZ!!

He stared at her as his beautiful icy eyes lighted

Jar Jar: Lit

up,

Erestor: And burnt brightly. The sue then grilled sausages on them.

"it is fine. You need your rest, please go back to sleep my lady."

Jareth: Gah *headdesks* Legolas, don’t fall for her. . . please *buries his face in his hands*
Erestor: *Pats Jareth on the back* Don’t give up now, my friend. We need you here.


"I don't think so."

All: Comma

Aurora slowly sat down next to him, "you can't tell me what to do. No one tells me what to do."

Mae: *Rolls Eyes* Oh yes, because you’re sooo perfect aren’t you?

"Is that so?" He smirked, finding her personality entertaining.

Jar Jar: dat Elf must have a dodgy sense of humor.

"Yeah, that is so." She leaned against the rock. It felt strange to actually be around the characters she had watched on the movies.

All: No shit, Sherlock

From far away, it was easy to admire someone as beautiful as Legolas. Up close though; he was an actual person or…Elf.

Erestor: What on earth? Did anyone make sense of that.
Jar Jar: Umm, no.


"Lady Aurora, what was your dream about?" He curiously asked.

Mae: He was wondering what effect the drugs Frodo put in her water were having on her mind.

"Well…" She paused, "I was having a memory from my own world.

Erestor: I was, lyke, dreaming that I was back at my home, lyke, drooling over you in my movie when my ebul uncle, lyke, took away the DVD so I couldn’t, lyke, stare at you for hours on end and, lyke, yeah. He was just so MEAN !!LOLZ!!1!!
Jareth and Mae: :blink:
Jar Jar: Mesa tink yousa not okeyday. Yousa gotten usses Erestor.


I was in my bedroom and my uncle called me.

Jareth: Oh Aurooooraaaaaa. . . you’ve got a ‘customer’.
Mae: Urgh, that doesn’t bear thinking of, Jareth.


I went downstairs and he was gambling with his friends like usual."
"What is gambling?"
"It's a highly addictive game that costs you more money than you earn." She quickly explained, "anyways, they were all drinking too much. And when people drink too much, they get a little out of hand you know.

Jar Jar: And why would Legolas know dis, hmm. Mesa sure dat Elves not bees spendin’ their time getting’ drunked.

My uncle demanded money from me, but I didn't have any.

Mae: Cause she spent it on a brain transplant.

I went to leave, but one of his friends grabbed me in a way I didn't like…." She shifted uncomfortably, remembering how the touch felt.

Jareth: The memory sent pleasurable shivers down her spine and she shifted uncomfortably, lest the Elf see that it was enjoyable for her.
Erestor: I never thought that I would say this but I swear Jareth, your comments are making this story somewhat more bearable.


Legolas's eyes grew wide,

Jar Jar: *As eyes* Come on and grow.

"did he touch you with ill intentions?"

Mae: Well, waddidya think? He didn’t exactly just shake her hand, now did he?

"I think so." She nodded her head,

Jareth: *Incredulously* A guy starts groping her and she only thinks he touched her with bad intentions?!

"he gave me this perverted stare so I pulled my hand away.

Jar Jar: oh you’re so brave, aren’t you.

My uncle got mad at me instead of him,

Erestor: All hail the wicked uncle.

not shocking though. I ran off towards the stairs, but the stairs kept getting taller and taller."

Mae: *As Legolas* Hehehe she’s finally cracked. . . Now we can get rid of her. . .

He was silent for a few seconds, but quickly dispersed of that silence,

All: :blink:

"did you say that your dream was of a memory?"
"Yeah."
"I don't understand."

All: Comma
Jar Jar: Wesa not unnerstand either Legolas.


He shook his head in a confused manner,

Mae: Shouldn’t she have said ‘He shook his head, confused’
Erestor: But that would have been logical, my dear.
Mae: Oh, yeah.


"he is your uncle. How can he be so cruel?"

Jareth: Because he knew that fricking Aurora was a sue, and figured that if he was all nasty to her she may decide to put an end to her oh so miserable life and spare everyone the pain of reading this load of Bullshit *Cries*
*Mae, Jar Jar and Erestor try to comfort the distraught Goblin King*


"That's what it's like in my world." She told him, "people are always cruel to each other.

Erestor: Not always. . . there are actually a lot of nice people in your world. You have obviously just not met them.

Parents leave their children if they want. Kind people are rare."

Mae: What? Not medium or well done? Only rare? Cannibals these days. . .
Jar Jar: Umm Mae?
Mae: Nooooo don’t tell me you like your steak rare too.
Jareth: *Sigh* Hoo boy. . .


She thought about how she would often be shipped between her uncle and parent's houses.

Erestor: Their houses floated on the Bay of Belfalas.

"You're world is a world I would never want to dwell in…" He spoke in his wise Elvish way.

Mae: Huh?
Jareth: What the?
Jar Jar: Huh? Wanga?
Erestor: Oh Sweet Eru.


"Yeah, tell me about it." She lightly chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

Mae: Emphasis on ‘trying’. The author also failed to mention that she failed miserably.

"You are very strange…" He observed,

Jareth: You’ve just noticed?

"does every lady in your world, act in the same manner as you?"

Mae: *Snorts* I don’t think so, I definitely don’t.
*Erestor raises an eyebrow*
Mae: Oh, so I go around seducing the fellowship, raping canon and lusting after Legolas do I?
Jar Jar: No yousa lust after Jareth instead.
*Mae blushes*


"Nah." She laughed, shaking her head, "I'm unique."

Jar Jar: And belong in da mental home wif dose nice mens in white coats.

They continued talking as the dark hours of the night filled the sky.

Erestor: I am not even going to try and riff that.

________________________________________

Jareth: *Singing* I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known.

Aragorn watched closely as they ran into grasslands now.

Erestor: *As Aragorn* Oof, damn those grasslands, I keep running into them.

The sun pierced them all the sue,

Jar Jar: Tanks Jareth
Mae: With its lance and Boromir ended up getting his roast sue after all.
Jareth: Legolas was finally freed from the awful power of the sue.
Erestor: And they all lived happily ever after. The End.


causing all of them to sweat heavily.

All: Damn
Erestor: Why can’t the sue just die *Breaks down and cries*
Mae: Erestor! No! Don’t go! We need you *Hugs Erestor*


The only one who remained in decent condition was Legolas.

Jareth: *Sighs* Yes, we already know that Stu!Legolas is perfect.

"Aragorn." Called Boromir as he ran right behind him,

Jar Jar: *As Boromir* Can mesa roast da sue now? My iss being hungry.

"we mustn't tire ourselves out. We need are strength to continue this search, even well into the night."
Legolas ran ahead, darting his eyes wildly for any sign of the hobbits or Uruk-hai's

Mae: *Twitches and starts headdesking* It’s supposed to be ‘eyes darting wildly’ and IT’S FREAKING URUK-HAI NOT URUK-HAI’S. GET IT RIGHT, PLEASE.
Erestor: Mae, it’s alright. Calm down and take a deep breath.
*Mae takes a shaky breath and calms down*


who had taken them. Poor Aurora and Gimli ran at the same pace, falling behind as usual.

Jar Jar: Shouldn’t dat be poor Gimli for having to run wit da sue?

"Curse tall people." She angrily said.

Jareth and Erestor: Hey, that wasn’t very nice. We can’t help being tall, just like you can’t help being short.

"You can say that again." Gimli agreed.

Erestor: From what I remember, Gimli had nothing against tall people.

"Curse Legolas and his dumb Elf self.

All: :blink:
Mae: She’s going off Legolas?? YESSSSS, LET’S PARTAY.
Jareth: NO! You are not breaking into my room again.


He doesn't have to worry about being too tired and slow.

Erestor: He is an Elf PPD, an ELF.

It's not fair Gimli."

Jareth: Now she’s sounding like Sarah.

She vented her irritation to him, "he's

All: Comma

like

All: Another comma

super gorgeous, with flawless skin, perfect hair, perfect eyes, pretty much perfect everything. Elves are so pretty, I hate it.

Erestor: She must work for Sauron if she is drawn to ugliness instead of beauty.
Jareth: I think my hair and eyes are pretty perfect.
Erestor: You spend enough time in front of the mirror each morning. . .
Jareth: Oh shut up.


People like us have to deal with blemishes and pimples!"

Mae: *As Aurora* And if I, lyke, get a zit on my nose it means I will be, lyke, so unbearably ugly that I’ll have to, lyke, kill myself.
Jar Jar: *As Gimli* Uh Aurora. . . you have a zit on your nose.
Mae: *As Aurora* AARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!


Gimli chuckled, "the Elven folk do have faults too, lady Aurora. No one is perfect."

Jareth: Except for Aurora and Leggy.

Legolas suddenly stopped running, turning around.

Jar Jar: *wiping blood from his eyes* And turned around. Even mesa know dat and mesa naturally talk Gungan speech.

He ran towards Aragorn, speaking to him in frantic Elvish.

Mae: *Ecstatically* A grammatically correct sentence . . . *Faints with delight*
*Jareth throws a bucket of water on Mae*


Aragorn nodded his head in an understanding manner.

Erestor: IT’S UNDERSTANDINGLY, NOT ‘IN AN UNDERSTANDING MANNER’. STOP FOLLOWING ANGEY’S EXAMPLE, PLEASE.
Jareth: *Gulp* Not An. . . Ang. . .
Jar Jar: Angey.
Jareth: Yeah, that one.


He turned towards the group, "quick, we must hide."

Mae: You don’t say.

"Oh yeah, "Aurora mumbled to herself, "the Rohan army. We're going to meet Eomer."

Erestor: It’s Éomer, with an accent over the first E.

Legolas heard her, even though he was quite far away from her. His superb Elf hearing provided him with excellent hearing.

Jareth: Well that’s just more than less than unhelpful.
Mae: You’ve been watching Pirates.
Jareth: So? It’s a good movie.


He walked towards her, looking at her strangely.
"How do you know of such things?" He wondered.

Erestor: I told you, she works for Sauron.

"Well," she explained, "the story of you're

*Mae twitches again* It’s ‘your’ not ‘you’re*, man and I thought I sucked at grammar.

journey is a popular book in my world. So…I know what's going to happen."

Jareth: *As Aragorn* Nooo it’s psycic!sue.

They all stared at her with puzzling faces in response.

Jar Jar: Their faces puzzled her?

"Quick." Aragorn commanded, "crouch behind those rocks."

Mae: *Laughs* I just had a mental image of Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas, Gimli and Aurora all hiding behind a rock with arms and legs hanging out everywhere.

Everyone one listened to him, crouching behind the small warp of rocks.

All: :blink:
Erestor: A small WHAT of rocks?!?


Aragorn crouched himself,

Jareth: Wha? Alright, I live with Goblins who are nearly illiterate, but I can actually understand what they are saying. This so called author is supposedly literate, but I can understand her less than my Goblins.

cautiously watching as the Rohan army became audible.

Jar Jar: Hesa can watch something become audible? Dat iss clever.

The Rohan army rode by, riding rather fast.

Jareth: Lovely bit of Alliteration there.

Aurora took a fast peek, standing up.

Mae: Take me now Éomer, I offer you my. . .
Erestor: You had better keep this clean, young lady.
*Mae pouts*


I love the Rohan army, they're awesome. If I could be from anywhere in Middle-earth, it would so be Rohan. They are the coolest!

Jareth: But I thought she loved the elves?
Jar Jar: But remember, shesa hates dem cuz they’re prettyful.


Aragorn suddenly stood up from his crouching position,

Mae: As he heard the Rohan army come into sight.

calling to the Rohan army.

Erestor: *As Aragorn* Hey Éomer, we have a sue here, could you possibly murder her for us, old chap?

Everyone else stood up, anxiously awaiting

*Mae twitches* Waiting, not awaiting.

as the riders turned around, heading towards them.
"Oh man." Aurora mumbled nervously as the riders came closer.

Jareth: *As Aurora* Not another hawt one, I need to control my, what was it, ‘teenage hormones’ again.

They surrounded them as spears neared them.

Erestor: Who surrounded who as the spears neared who? Please make yourself clearer PPD.

She stumbled backwards, lightly bumping the Elven prince.

Jareth: She turned to him with a look of ecstasy on her face as. . .
*Jar Jar glares*
Jareth: Well you get the point.


"Get behind me, my lady." Legolas whispered as he pulled Aurora behind him.

Mae: Umm, wouldn’t you want her in front of you Legolas. . . for multiple reasons.
Erestor: *Sighs* I’m almost ready to give up on you two.
*Mae and Jareth grin at each other*


Spears were pointed dangerously close into their faces.

Jar Jar: Ar, ar, ar! Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh! Dat gotta hurten.

Boromir looked at the surrounding army, giving a sour stare.

Erestor: He was eating a Lemon.

Aragorn held up his hands in an surrender.

Jareth: What’s ‘an surrender’?
Mae: I think the suethor means ‘a surrender’, although it should just be ‘in surrender’.


Eomer cut through the crowd of horsemen. The spears were immediately lowered.

Jar Jar: As da soldiers falled dead on da ground.

Eomer said, "What business does a Elf, men, dwarf, and…." He paused, giving Aurora a dirty look,

Erestor: For obvious reasons I thought I had better get in here before Mae or Jareth.
*Mae and Jareth glare at Erestor*
Jareth: Why do you insist on depriving us of the little pleasure we get riffing this so called ‘story.’


"a woman have here?"

Mae: *Groans* Not another sexist.

Her mouth parted as she had taken offense to the way he stared at her,

Jareth: *Gags Erestor* If he gave her a ‘dirty look’ she should have taken offence, unless my assumption of her career is correct.
Erestor: Mmph.


"don't give me dirty looks, you don't even know. You jerk." She angrily snapped.

Jar Jar: What doesn’t hesa know, yousas choice of night job?

His eyes widened, completely taken aback for a woman speaking out of place,

Mae: His eyes were taken aback? Wow, he’s got intelligent eyes.

"I suggest that you learn how to control her tongue." He glared at all of the men.

Erestor: I thought there were only two men with this part of the fellowship in the fic. The other two were a Dwarf and an Elf
Jareth: Unless he was talking to all the Rohirrim there as well, they were men too.


"What? Do not tell them to control my tongue. No one controls my tongue."

Mae: Little Miss Attitude, much.

She put her hands on her hips, "I think you need to control your attitude."

Jar Jar: Yousa tink HESA has attitude problems.

Many murmurs sounded in the crowd of the horsemen. The Rohan men

Erestor: The proper term would be ‘Rohirrim’.

couldn't believe she had disrespected Eomer.

Erestor: I can not believe the extent to which you have raped Éomer’s character
Mae: How. Hard. Is. It. To. Put. An. Accent. Over. The. First. Letter.


He stepped off his horse,

Jar Jar: Dismounted hesas horse.
Jareth: Unless he was one of those acrobats who stand on their horses backs. It’s Ebul-Acrobat!Éomer.


walking towards them, "if you were a woman of Rohan, we would surely make sure that your tongue was controlled."

Erestor: That does not sound like the Rohirrim. They may have been a little rough at first glance, but they were not evil and did not mistreat their women. If they did, I am sure that Tolkien would have informed us.

Aurora's eyes filled with sadness,

Jareth: *Singing* I saw my baby, crying hard as babe could cry.
Jar Jar: ‘Till dey overflowed an’ da sadness spilt all over da ground.


not believing how men treated women in Middle-earth.

Mae: Gah, for the last time PPD, not all men in Middle Earth treated women as if they were inferior and worthless. Éomer was always respectful and genteel, HE WAS NOT AN EGOTISTICAL BASTARD.

Legolas felt her emotions radiating off her.

Erestor: *Despairing* They can’t already have a psycic link.

This angered him. I can not believe the audacity of this man.

*Mae breaks down and cries at the Character Rape*

No man mustn't speak to a woman in such a way.

All: :huh:

He pulled an arrow out of his quiver, notching it to his bow quickly.

Erestor: Amazing, she knows the correct terminology. I was expecting something more along the lines of ‘He pulled an arrow out of the holder and put it on his bow’.

Aurora looked at him in disbelief.
"If you did such a thing, I'd surely have your death at my hands."

Jar Jar: ‘On my hands’.

Legolas stated angrily. Spears returned to his face, nearing him closely.

Mae: Hokay. . . I think my brain just bled out of my eye sockets.

Aragorn stopped Legolas, lowering down his bow for him.

Jar Jar: *Sigh* ‘Ello, Department of Redundancies Department *Breaks down over phone*
Mae: *To Erestor* I could make some verrrrry dodgy comments about that, but I won’t, cause I actually do care for your sanity.
Erestor: Thank you m’dear.

________________________________________
Jareth: *Singing* Walking in a straight line.


They rode on horses now, riding towards the huge cloud of smoke where the Uruk-hai's bodies had been burned.

Jar Jar: *Amazed* Dat actually make sense. Shesa used ‘Uruk-hai’s’ right.

Aurora was glad that everything went pretty much similar to how it was supposed to be.

Erestor: Except for the fact that Boromir was still alive, Éomer was an ebul acrobat, there was a sue accompanying the fellowship, Stu!Legolas had fallen for said sue, and canon had been raped.

Nothing important had been altered yet again.

Jareth: The Hell? Does she think that having Boromir alive is NOT IMPORTANT!?!
Jar Jar: Yousa be alright Jareth, trust mesa.


She maneuvered

Mae: *Twitches* It’s spelt ‘manoeuvred’ PPD. Gah I think I’m going to pass out if I come across another mistake.

her horse carefully, not exactly sure how to handle a horse.

Erestor: How could she ‘maneuver’ the horse if she didn’t know how to handle it?
Jareth: Logic Erestor, it doesn’t exist in the suethors vocabulary.


She had only ridden a horse in her life once, and that was when she was eight year's

Mae: AAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!! It’s ‘years’ not ‘year’s’ *Starts rocking back and forth in her chair*
*The guys try help her by offering her coffee and nachos*


old. Legolas and Gimli rode next to her,

Jar Jar: Deys were waitin’ for da chance to push her off da horse and trample hersa to DEATH.

watching her as she had trouble. Gimli laughed at her, finding it unbelievable.
"You can not ride a horse lady Aurora." He pointed a finger at her, laughing.

Erestor: For your information, Gimli was far too well mannered to laugh at a lady in trouble. But of course, I forgot that the sue is hardly a lady.

"Shut up!" She yelled at him, feeling frustrated.

Mae: Neurgh, not another ‘Sue vs Gimli’ plotline. As if the story wasn’t clichéd enough already.

It wasn't as if riding a horse was a necessity in her world. That's why she never knew how to.

Jareth: I thought she rode when she was eight.
Jar Jar: dat would make it consistent.
Jareth: True, true.


The horses continued to run across the grasslands, providing easier transportation.

Erestor: Easier than what?
Mae: The transportation provided by their own feet.


Aragorn and Boromir rode in front, riding close by each other as they spoke.

Jareth: *As Boromir* So Aragorn, can I try that recipe tonight?
Jar Jar: *As Aragorn* Ya, if yousa can catch da sue.
Jareth: *As Boromir* Oh that’s easy. We’ll get Legolas to lure the sue over and then I’ll trap her in a net.
Jar Jar: *As Aragorn* Mesa den trow da sue on da fire an’ wesa cook ‘er.
Jareth: *As Boromir* Good. Then we can eat her *grins evily*


The smoke smell became more apparent as the pile of carcasses were

Mae: WAS, NOT WERE. You have a singular subject, not a plural one.

in sight now. Aurora made a fowl face,

Erestor: Her face morphed into that of a chicken.

not enjoying the smell. Aragorn and Boromir halted their horses skillfully,

Erestor: One ‘l’ in skilfully PPD, not two.

quickly leaping off them.

Jar Jar: *Clutches his ears* DISMOUNTING THEM!!

They both neared the piles of dead bodies, looking for any signs of the hobbits.

Mae: Another grammatically correct sentence *Grins*

Legolas stopped his horse, momentarily staying on.

*The grin fades*
Jareth: He then fell to the ground in an undignified heap.


Gimli immediately jumped off,

Jar Jar: *Screams and promptly collapses*
Erestor: Jar Jar, my friend! No, come back!
When all efforts to revive the Gungan fail, Jar Jar is removed from the theatre and taken to the hospital by the nice men in white coats.
Mae: *Crying* Why, Why. . . poor Jar Jar.
*Jareth and Erestor hug her*


running towards the bodies. Aurora neared the bodies, attempting to stop her horse herself. Pride,

Erestor: And yet another spare comma.

caused her to not ask for help.

Mae: She couldn’t look bad in front of Leggy.

She tried several attempts that she had seen on TV, but the horse kept walking around in circles.

Erestor: You can’t believe everything you see on that box Aurora.

Legolas watched her, a small smirk curving onto his lips.

Mae: As the Joker sliced them open with his knives. Mwahahahaah
Jareth: I didn’t know the Joker did smirks as well.
Mae: He just opened a new line of business.


"Look, you damn horse."

Erestor: Do not blame the horse. It is only through your own incompetence that you cannot stop it.

She spoke to it,

Mae: Maybe she really has snapped. Now she’s talking to animals.
Jareth: Maybe she thought she was in the Narnia fandom.
Erestor: I highly doubt the Animals in Narnia would stoop so low as to talk too this sue.


"stop. Just stop and make my day easier."

Jareth: Die. Just die and make our lives easier.

Legolas approached her as his horse rode obediently and very calmly.

Mae: Until it caught sight of the sue. Then it charged at her, knocked her to the ground and trampled her into a mush.
Erestor: Are you feeling ok Mae?
Mae: *Crying* Of course I’m feeling ok, I’ve never felt better in my life. I WANNA DIE.
Bob: No one dies without my permission. If you want to die you must fill out a permission slip, stating in 50 words your reasons for desiring death. Then you must. . .
Mae: OK. I don’t wanna die.
Bob: Good girl.


"Would you like some help?" He offered.

Jareth: *As Aurora* No! I, lyke, wanna do this myself cuz if you, lyke, see how crap I am with a horse you, lyke, won’t wanna marry me or anything.
Erestor: *As Legolas* But I don’t want to marry you anyway.
Jareth: *As Aurora* NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! You have to, lyke, fulfil the prophesy.


"Look." She snapped at him, "I don't need your help, I can figure this out. This isn't rocket science."

Mae: That it definitely ain’t, but how would Legolas know what rocket science is?

Legolas nodded his head,

Jareth: Get your bobble head Legolas today!

watching intently as her horse continued to walk around in circles. He could tell that her pride was resisting her to ask for aid. I must help her; her pride stands in the way of asking for my aide…

Erestor: So, do you reckon that her pride stands in the way of her asking for his ‘aide’?
Mae: Noooo, where’d you pull that from?


He whispered a brief

All: Comma.

soothing passage for the horse in Elvish, causing the horse to stop. Aurora glared at him, having wanted to stop her horse on her own. She finally slid off her horse,

Jareth: You reckon she was on a horse?
Erestor: No, it was a motorbike.
Mae: :blink:
Erestor: Our esteemed psychologist introduced me to that wonderful invention called the ‘inter-net’.
Jareth: *To Mae* Lets hope he doesn’t come across any porn. I don’t even want to think about his reaction to THAT after seeing what he thought about our ‘comments’.


watching as Aragorn and Boromir angrily kicked around Uruk-hai armor.

Erestor: *As angry Aragorn and Boromir* Why won’t the freaking sue just DIE!

She walked towards Gimli, standing next to him. Legolas stood off on his own, eyeing the sky in his mysterious Elvish way.

Mae: Stu!Legolas was pondering the possibility of the clouds being giants brains.
Erestor: :huh:
Mae: It’s a Norse myth.

________________________________________


Jareth: *Singing* I’m on the highway to hell.


They stood in front of Fangorn forest, preparing to enter.

Erestor: I don’t think I can riff that.

Aragorn had tracked Merry and Pipin's

Mae: It’s P.I.P.P.I.N, With a DOUBLE ‘p’ in the middle.

whereabouts to possibly lurking in there.

Jareth: *Confused* Their whereabouts were lurking in Fangorn?

Aragorn led the way as usual, "we mustn't delay any longer." Everyone followed him, walking into the dark eerie forest that was deprived of any sunlight.

Erestor: If it was dark it would be deprived of sunlight PPD. Besides, Fangorn was not deprived of all sunlight. There are groundcover plants in Fangorn and those plants need sunlight to be able to Photosynthesise, if there is no sunlight the plants cannot create energy. . .
Mae: Noo! Not a biology lecture. . .
Erestor: The sunlight reacts with the Chlorophyll in the leaves to create. . .
Jareth: Erestor! Stop! Please!
*Mae clutches her hair in despair as memories of her bio teacher (who looked like the missing link) rise out of the murky depths of her memory*


Legolas looked around him, knowing the possibility of a white cunning wizard could be in there.

Jareth: The hell? Could someone please explain?
*Crickets chirp*


Gimli walked behind Aurora, being at least a whole head shorter than she was.

Erestor: By the Valar, he was a DWARF. Of course he is going to shorter than a seventeen year old human.

"You know." She turned to him, laughing, and spoke in a whisper, "you can keep up Dwarf."

All: Wha?

He glared at her, his voice rose loudly "and you can certainly--"
"Gimli, we mustn't be so loud." Boromir interrupted him.

Mae: Aww Boromir, I wanted to hear Gimli yell at the sue *pouts*

"It's creepy in here." Aurora whispered to herself,

Jareth: *Cheerfully* Maybe she is cracking; they say the first sign of madness is talking to yourself.

folding her arms for warmth. She was, after all, still in her pajamas.

Mae: *Twitches* Pyjamas, not pajamas.

She walked quietly, looking around at the dense forest.

Erestor: She wasn’t looking at Legolas?

She wasn't paying attention to where she was going, and bumped into a thick tree trunk. Her head hit it square,

Jareth: Cracking and splattering her measly excuse for a brain on the ground.
Mae: *A La Jack Sparrow* Nobody move. . . I dropped me brain. . .
Erestor: *Sigh*


causing her head to throb.

All: No shit, Sherlock.

"Lady Aurora." Legolas approached her, "we must be careful. This forest is very old." He walked off as she glared at him.
"What a hippie.

Jareth: How does saying that a forest is old and warning someone to be careful mean you are a hippie?

I bet the forest is younger than he is." She spoke softly.

Mae: If she had read the book she would have noticed that Legolas said the forest made him feel young again.

Aragorn and Boromir walked closely together, while constantly on guard. Legolas lightly walked ahead; his Elvish eyes

Erestor: They were actually Dwarven eyes, to go with his Orcish nose and Goblin ears.

scanning the perimeter. He suddenly halted, staring around with frantic eyes. Arargorn

Mae: *Picks up the mini from where it appeared in the chair next to her* Nawww another mini, and he’s so cute too *Feeds the mini a strip of bacon* Can I keep him?
Bob: NO! He comes with me after the session.
All: *Disappointed* Awwww


hurried to his side.
"What is it?" Aragorn questioned.
His eyes narrowed in a specific location,

Mae: *Ponders the sentence* So they narrowed in the left hand corner, right. Or maybe in the centre. . .

"an evil creature approaches."

Jareth: It was his sue detector going off.
Erestor: Wouldn’t it have done that already?
Jareth: He just put new batteries in it.


Gimli tightened his grip on his ax,

Erestor: What is an ax, pray tell? Is it another of your world’s inventions Mae, like the inter-net and the Tee-Vee.
Mae: Nope, I think she meant ‘axe’.


ready for the creature. Boromir slowly pulled out his sword, as so did Arargorn.

Jareth: ARGH! *headdesks* She spells Aragorn’s right for most of the fic so far, then she spells it wrong, then right, and now wrong again! Listen to me PPD. There. Is. Nothing. Wrong. With. Consistency.

Legolas quietly notched an arrow; his eyes still searching the forest. Aurora's mouth hung open.

Erestor: So Legolas put an arrow through it and rid us of both the sue and the rest of this story.

This isn't supposed to happen; we're not supposed to run into a creature. We're supposed to find Gandalf! What's going on!

Mae: You tell us! You’re actually in the story, we’re just poor prisoners stuck in a nasty cave and forced to read this. . .
Bob: Stop complaining or you will spork Celebrian next.
*Mae goes white and quits her complaining*


A sudden sound of thrashing in the forest sounded. A piercing growl

Jareth: Never in my life have I heard a ‘piercing growl’ before.

was audible throughout the forest. Legolas held up his bow, prepared to shoot. Aurora gazed to her left and suddenly saw a huge frightening warg, coming at her.

Erestor: A WARG in FANGORN FOREST?!? What the hell was the Author thinking when she wrote this.
Mae: She was probably too busy drooling over Legolas to realise her mistake.


It was still far, so she had time to move.

All: Wargs are fast PPD, very fast.

"My lady." Boromir pulled her, handing her a dagger, "if you must use it, then use it."
She smirked, enjoying the sight of the dagger.

Jareth: Told you she was a sadistic little bitch.

It was lengthy and incredibly jagged. At least she could defend herself now. Gimli turned towards another direction of the forest, attacking another oncoming warg.

Erestor: *Yawns* The action is so intense in this scene.

About four different wargs approached. This isn't supposed to happen! What if something bad happens….

Mae: You don’t have to put an extra full stop after a ‘. . .’

"AHHH!!" Arargorn yelled as he bravely charged at a warg. Boromir ran fast, heading towards Gimli to aide

Mae: *Twitches* Aid.

him. This left only Aurora and Legolas standing next to each other.

Jareth: Oh that’s so sweet, they get to die together.

She watched as an arrow escaped from his bow, landing right in a warg's head. The hyena-like creature, collapsed onto the forest floor.

Erestor: A Warg’s skull is rather thick PPD, though if you hit it in the eye or under the jaw you may kill it.

Aurora held her dagger firmly, running towards Gimli. He was having trouble, now that Boromir deserted him to go to Aragorn's aide

Mae: *Twitches again* It’s AID, NOT AIDE.

instead. She watched as a warg approached behind him. He did not notice, barely finishing up killing another one.
"Behind you!" She shouted, arriving to where he was.

Mae: Wha? She really needs a beta.

She bravely lifted her dagger, stabbing at the warg. The small dagger penetrated the warg's head.

All (including Bob): :blink:
Bob: She stuck a lengthy but small dagger through the skull of a Warg?!? Now I find that very hard to believe.
Erestor: Esteemed master, what are you doing here?
Bob: I wanted to personally see what your reactions to this ‘fic’ were like; I shall spork the rest of the chapter with you.
Jareth: You’re welcome to.
Mae: Eeee *Hugs Bob*
Bob: Umm. . . that’s enough girl, sit.


It stumbled backwards. The dagger was stuck in it's head.

Mae: *twitches* You want ‘its’ there, dear. It’s a possessive, not a contraction.

"Let me at it!" Gimli shouted, lifting his ax

Erestor: She seriously thinks it’s spelt ‘ax’? GAH! This is killing me.
Bob: *raises an eyebrow* Why do you think I chose this ‘fic’.


as he finished it off. The warg fell down, death consuming it.

Jareth: *As Death* Hmm, a little bland. It could have done with some more salt.

The sounds of the vicious creatures died down as they were killed.

Mae: No, it increased as their ghosts came back with reinforcements and murdered Aurora.

Aurora pulled her dagger out of the warg's head. Blood was smeared all over it.

Bob: No it was the tomato sauce that death had put on the creature before consuming it.

"Gimli." She called him.
He came to her, "what is it?"

Jareth: No Gimli, don’t go to her. . . don’t fall for the sue *cries*
*Bob looks at Jareth with interest whilst Mae and Erestor calm him down*


"I need you for a second." She grabbed some of his clothing, using it as a rag to clean her dagger. He made a face, pulling away from her.

Erestor: *Sigh* Yet another ‘Sue hates Gimli’.

"Don't use my clothing!" He yelled, running from her.
She ran after him, "it will only take a few more seconds!"

*Mae starts crying hysterically into Jareth’s shoulder*
Jareth: There, there.
Bob: Hmmm, interesting. . .


Boromir, Legolas, and Aragorn watched them with puzzled faces. Aurora was indeed, very strange. She was still so relaxed, even though they had just faced a flock of wargs.

Erestor: :blink: A FLOCK of Wargs? Where in Valinor did she get that from?
Bob: It is more likely she got it from the Void.


Legolas's eyes blinked as a white wizard suddenly approached.

Jareth: Okay. . .

Only his Elven eyes could see this.

Erestor: I told you, they were Dwarven eyes.

Fear consumed him;

Bob: *As Fear* Urgh, tasts all pink and glittery. . . must be a stu.

he knew he had to say something.

Jareth: *As Legolas* Take the sue as a burnt offering O Great One and let us pass through your lands in safety.

"The white wizard approaches…" Legolas said as he gazed into the eerie forest.

Bob: *snorts* Talk about stating the obvious.

A/N: Please review!!!

All: No!
Bob: Weeell that’s all for today. . . there are still two more extra long chapters.
*Mae cries even harder*
*Everyone leaves the cinema*
Erestor: Now look what you have done Esteemed Master.
Bob: *Sigh* If it is any consolation to the human, she can keep the mini.
Mae: *Sniff* Thanks.
Jareth: I think it’s time we all went to bed. . .
Erestor: I’ll second that.
*All bid goodnight to their captor and retire to their respective rooms*

If I promise not to kill you can I have a hug?

My favorite thing about eating gummy bears is that they don't fight back when bite their heads off

Teddies don't hug back, but sometimes they're all you have...

Joker: You know, there are three kinds of people in this world. The optomistic that find the glass half full, and the pessimistic that see it as half empty. Then there's the paranoid, and they just think someone's drinking out of their glass.

Corrigan: Huh, then which one are you?

Joker: I'm the one who knocks the glass over.
~ The Joker Blogs.
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Maevainwen Adaniel
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Master of the Rings
Mae dragged herself into the kitchen the next morning and burst into tears at the sight of Jar Jar’s once again empty seat. Jareth hugged her and said,
“We are going to have a guest sporker with us today. I just hope they’re not a prude like Erestor.”
Erestor glared at Jareth. “Just because I actually have morals and stick by them. . .”
Mae sighed, “Guys, can’t we just try and get on. We’re stuck here now and can’t do anything about it except hope to hell that PPD doesn’t update again, and I don’t want to be stuck with two guys who are constantly bickering and arguing.”
Jareth and Erestor stared at her. Finally they nodded, and Erestor pulled a bottle of Miruvodka™ out of his pocket.
“Do you think we can take this with us?” he asked. Mae and Jareth looked at each other in glee.
“He didn’t mind last time, I suppose,” said Jareth eventually. Mae nodded as the badfic alarm went off. The mood in the room suddenly plummeted.
Jacques-Robert le Balrog de Morgoth, twirling his impressive fiery moustache, stood at the door and ignored the glares that the others were giving him as they glumly trooped into the theatre. Sitting in one of the rows at the back and scoffing down chocolate was someone they recognised. The girl squealed.
“Mae!”
“Ara!”
The other sporkers heaved a sigh as Mae plonked down next to Ara and they both began frantically babbling in a language that only just resembled English.
“Alright, alright,” sighed Bob the Balrog eventually, rather rudely interrupting the girls’ conversation. “Sporking time. I must now continue my psychological testing on you and I cannot do it if you two will not stop talking!”
“Whatever,” the girls muttered in unison. The other sporkers, ignoring them, sat down at the back, as far away from the screen as possible.

Chapter 3: Edoras

Erestor: Oh, wonderful. She actually knows what ‘Edoras’ is.

A/N: Please review!!!

Jareth: No.

Aurora smirked as she saw Gandalf whistle

Ara: SKANK!
Erestor: I am confused.
Ara: Her dress was obviously blowing up and she enjoyed the attentions of an old man.
Mae: I think you’re going to fit right in Ara.


for Shadowfax.

Jareth: Now he’s whistling at a horse?! Good grief!
Ara: Yep. I’m gonna fit in with you guys real well.


His whistle echoed strangely throughout the grasslands.

Mae: How can his ‘whistle’ echo.
*Jareth and Ara crack up. Erestor glares*


On her initial first meetings with Gandalf; he had looked at her oddly.

Erestor: I do not blame him in the slightest. There was a random semicolon in the sentence when it should not have been there.
Ara: Send it to my Society for the Protection of Random Parts Of Speech!
Jareth: Er, alright. And initial meetings are usually the first ones.


He quickly replaced those feelings with kindness though.

Mae: *confused* Why? She’s a Sue. . .
Erestor: and therefore everyone must love her.


Aragorn had explained her situation, and Gandalf had been very understanding of it all.

Ara: It’s always nice when guys understand that you have your period.
Jareth: Excuse me?
Ara: Sorry. I forgot that there were guys in the theatre.


Now, they were going to head to Edoras.

Mae: ‘Cause she couldn’t wait to get it on with Leggy-poo.
Ara: And especially since she was thinking of all those nice, soft beds they must have in Edoras. . .
Jareth: *Dreamily* Silk sheets. . .
Erestor: *sigh*


A beautiful magnificent white horse came to Gandalf's whistle.

Jareth: Alright. That sounds dodgy beyond belief. I didn’t even think horses had those sorts of urges—
Erestor: Stop. Right. There.
Jareth: *throwing up his hands* Alright, alright! Geez!


Shadowfax galloped towards them, looking so stunning.

Mae: Now she’s going after the horse?! This is getting very reminiscent of Celebrian. . .
Ara: Oh, Valar. Just pass me the brain bleach. I don’t even want to think about Celebrian.


Aurora's mouth dropped at the sight of him.

Jareth: *looking sick* This is becoming vomit-inducing.
Erestor: Most of this story has been of the same quality.
Jareth: Yeah, but especially this stuff about horses. I thought she was after Elves.
Ara: One Elf in particular, technically. It’s all pretty sick. This Sue must just be horny.


That is the most beautiful horse I have ever seen.

Ara: She fit the horseshoe to his shapely hoof. It was a perfect fit. So they lived happily ever after.
Mae: Wouldn’t that be hornily ever after?
Ara: Ah. Of course. *high-fives Mae*
Erestor: Honestly. I thought having just one teenage mortal in the theatre was bad enough.
*Mae and Ara glare at the Elf-lord*


If only Shadowfax could tell my horse to listen to me, since he's the lord of all horses.

Jareth: I’m not sure if you’d like to know what your horse would say about you if he was forced to listen to you.

"This is a beautiful horse." Boromir stared awestruck at Shadowfax.

Mae: Now BOROMIR’S going after the horse too?!
Jareth: This is looking more and more like some sort of bestiality fic.
Ara: *looks revolted* That’s disgusting.
Erestor: As much as I hate to say this, I am in agreement with Jareth. This is looking very dodgy.


"Shadowfax is the lord of all horses." Gandalf explained as he gave the horse a gentle stroke.

Mae: *Grabs a barf bag and retches* Gandalf. Stroked. The. HORSE! *retches again*
Ara: And now Gandalf’s getting in on it too. This looks like fun.
Jareth: Fun?
Ara: Well, not really. Maybe it is for those poor OOC canon characters.


"Shadowfax is so beautiful." Aurora said, admiring the horse's beauty.

Ara and Mae in unison: “Hello? Department of Redundancies Department?”

They quickly hopped onto their horses,

Erestor: Like rabbits, I suppose.
Mae: It certainly sounds like it.
Ara: Maybe a good analogy, judging by the fact that the others may have nearly been going at it like rabbits just before—
Erestor: Ara! Please!
Ara: *ignoring Erestor* Or, technically, like a horse and a human. Or a horse and a Maia. Or a horse and a—
Jareth: A Sue. Now shut up.
Ara: Fine. *sulks*


riding off towards Edoras. Gandalf rode in the lead, riding across the rest of the grasslands.

Mae: Do you think he was riding?
Erestor: Nay.
Mae: That was a really bad horse imitation Erestor.
Erestor *glares* I meant, ‘no’.
Mae: Oooohhhh.
Ara: *happily* I like puns. *shoves chocolate in her mouth*
*Everyone turns and stares at her*
Ara: *muffled* Wha’? I do!


Their horses trampled along, arriving to Edoras shortly.

Jareth: I was under the impression that horses were graceful.
Erestor: They are.
Mae: They should be trampling the Sue, not the poor innocent grass!
Ara: Just what I was thinking.


As they arrived, the many sorrowful faces were noticeable.

Ara: Awkward wording.
Mae: And she told me that MY grammar was bad!


It was the actual first time in Aurora's life that she had seen so many sad people.

Ara: I see sad people. . .they’re everywhere. . .

It was devastating to her.

Ara: So she imploded. The End.
Jareth: Nice.


"They are sad.." Gimli whispered to her the obvious.

Ara (as dumb!Gimli): “Durrggghhh! Dey are saddums. . .”
Erestor: Good Belain.


She only nodded her head in response.

Mae: *groans* Not another bobble-head.
Ara: If I filled my little car with all the bobble-head Sues and OOC canon characters, I wouldn’t be able to see through my window.


They headed up to the palace gates to see

Jareth: A goblin friend of mine.
Erestor: An Orc with its sword drawn.
Ara: Legolas with his other sword out.
Erestor: *sigh* Must you?
Ara: Yes!


Theoden.

Jareth: Ah well. Close enough, eh?
Mae: Did he have his sword out too?
Ara: *turning pale* Gods, I hope not!


Guards stood in the way as expected.

Ara: Well, yeah. Flashing yourself at the palace gates probably isn’t the best example of model citizenship.

Gandalf was wearing a gray cloak to cover up his white one.

Erestor: Why did he get two cloaks? It’s not fair. I only got one *pouts*
Ara: Are you alright, Erestor?
Erestor: No.


Aurora excitedly gave up her dagger

*Ara and Mae crack up laughing*
Jareth: I thought she was female.
Erestor: Apparently we were wrong.


as the guards collected their weapons.

*Ara and Mae crack up again*
Ara: Holy shit. There are so many dodgy connotations in this fic that I can’t even think of anything to say.
Mae: I can think of things to say—
Ara: Do share.
Erestor: DON’T share.
Mae: *glares*—but I don’t want to hospitalise Erestor yet.
Erestor: *flatly* My thanks.
Mae: *cheerfully* You’re welcome.


She really wanted to meet Theoden.

Jareth: That could be dodgy as well. I wonder how well she wants to know him?
Mae: It’s Théoden, with an accent.


He's my favorite king of Middle-earth.

Ara: At least she likes him and doesn’t treat him like some sort of idiot. I have to give a point to the Suethor for that one.
Jareth: But the all-round dodginess of this fic takes that away.
Ara: Fine. Suethor still has zero points.


Theoden just seems so honorable and awesome.

Mae: *as PPD* And, lyke, totally hawt and sexy and. . .
Erestor: An old man?
Ara: Well, she went after the bloody horse before. After that, an old man is nothing.
Jareth: At least he would have a lot of, erm, experience.
Erestor *goes green*
Ara: Hey, we better stop. I don’t want to be sued for ‘loss of enjoyment of life’.
Erestor: Fear not. I would not sue you. I would kill you.
Ara: OI!
Mae: Well, that’s comforting.
Erestor: And you too!
*Mae and Ara death-stare Erestor until he looks away uncomfortably*


Boromir gave the guards an angry look, reluctantly giving up his weapons.

Mae: That’s dodgy as well.
Jareth: How many times can we say that something’s dodgy before it gets old?
Ara: Let me think. Never.
Jareth: Ah. Good. *As Boromir* My line has ended.
Erestor: Pardon?
Jareth: If he had to give up his ‘weapons’ the, erm, consummation of a marriage may prove difficult, to say the least-
Erestor: Stop. Right. There.


"This isn't necessary." Boromir whispered as they were finally allowed in.

Ara: It probably wasn’t necessary to write this drivel, either.
Erestor: That was not very nice.
Ara: Are we supposed to be nice?
Erestor: I suppose not.


Legolas held onto Gandalf,

Mae: And proclaimed his undying love for the Maia.
Jareth: And the Sue died of heartbreak.
Ara: So everyone else lived happily, or hornily, ever after.
Erestor: The End. Now, can we have popcorn?
Bob: No!
Everyone: Dammit.


pretending to help him walk.

Jareth: Thus masking his desires—
Ara: Alright, that was too sick even for me.
Jareth: If you say it’s bad, it must be bad.
Erestor: And it is. Now shut up.


Gimli and Aragorn walked together,

Mae: Gimli/Aragorn?! This is hopeless!
Ara: Gah, I’ll say!


feeling the immediate cold that filled the room.

*Erestor reaches for the barf bags*
Ara: They couldn’t feel the cold unless they were wearing very little.
Jareth: This is turning into one big horrible PWP.
Ara: According to our sick interpretations, anyway.


Aurora's eyes grew wide as she saw Theoden sitting on his throne.

Mae: This has an uncanny resemblance to the opening scene of Celebrian. . .
Ara: Hey, you’re right! I hope there’s no Orc kings around.
*Erestor dry reaches*


He didn't look like his brave, true to his people type.

Mae: What?
Ara: Huh?
Erestor: I beg your pardon?
Jareth: The Hell?


Saruman really did a number on him.

Ara: It was a tattoo of the number five hundred and fifty one.
Jareth: Why that?
Ara: Because it’s random and makes about as much sense as this story.


I can't believe how cold it is in this room.

Mae: Of course you’re gonna be cold if you do a strip tease in a draughty hall.
*Ara cracks up. Erestor glares for the fiftieth time*


Poor Theoden.

Erestor: His Character apparently now resembles the orc king from Celebrian.
Mae: And his accent is missing. Yeah, poor Théoden.


That stupid filthy Wormtongue.

Jareth: He’s so, lyke, evil and I just want to have hot monkey sex with him and-
*Erestor death stares Jareth*


His face is already getting on my nerves.

Mae: *As Aurora’s nerves* Hey, face, get off me.
Ara: Good Lord. Even the nerves are getting it on.
Jareth: I am telling you, this is turning into a huge and quite frankly bizarre PWP.
Ara: Oh, turning into?
Jareth: Alright, it is already.


She glared at Wormtongue as he spoke into Theoden's ear,

Ara: Jealous bitch!

coaching him on how to respond to Gandalf as they conversed.

Erestor: *as Wormtongue* Now, when someone greets you, the polite thing to do would be to greet them back, alright. However, because we are not polite we will blast him into oblivion. Mwah ha ha.
Everyone else: :blink:
Erestor: *shakes his head* Sweet Belain, this fic is having severe effects on my sanity.
Ara: Ya think? Jeez.


"That bastard." She mumbled,

Jareth: You know, Sue, it’s not very nice to insult someone’s parents. You don’t know if they were married or not.

tempted to go pull Grima by his hair and punch him in his face.

Ara: Sheesh, dude. Théoden may be an awesome king, but he’s gotta be at least 50. She must be desperate.

"It is so cold in here." Boromir said, feeling very naked without his weapons.

Jareth: *snorts* I’d feel naked without my ‘weapons’ as well.
Mae: *mumbles, glancing at Jareth’s tights* You wouldn’t look half as good either. Although I have heard that you stuff socks down there . . . according to a few weird Fanfics . . .
Jareth: *Turns slowly to look at Mae* What. Did. You. Say?
Mae: *quickly* Although that’s just something I’ve heard.
Jareth: I think you’ve had more than adequate proof that I do not put socks down there.
Ara: *cracks up* Gush and Lust, anyone?
Jareth: *grins* Do you need proof that ‘it’ is real, Mae?
Mae: *gulps* Um. . .
Bob: Not in the theatre, master goblin.
Jareth: Damn . . .


"It's because of Wormtongue." She pointed at him,

Erestor: Don’t be so rude, young lady.
Ara: We’re used to this shit by now.


not caring if Grima saw or not, "only evil feels this cold."

Mae: I dunno, snow feels pretty cold too. . .
Erestor: What about hail?
Ara: Strip teasing in a draughty hall!
*Erestor glared yet again and finally pulls out his bottle*


"I believe you're right." He agreed.

Jareth: She used the right ‘you’re’. Pass the bottle, Erestor.
Erestor: Why?
Ara: In celebration of the fact that she actually did something right for once. Now pass it down.
*Erestor shrugs and passes the bottle around*


Aurora turned her head

Mae: *drinks* Unscrewing it right off and putting it on the floor next to her!
Jareth: Oh gods, that cannot be affecting you already!
Ara: Evidently you haven’t met her sister—Mae’s sister is far worse.


as she saw some Rohan men

Mae: Rohirrim.

standing behind them.

Ara: *as Aurora* Why are they, lyke, staring at my butt? I only ever let Théoden and that awesome horse of his do that! *drinks*
Erestor: Ara!
Mae: *tipsy* What about that evil, totally hawt Wormtongue!
Ara: *tipsy* Evil wears sexy pants!
Erestor: Sweet Valar can you stop?
Mae and Ara: NO!


She was prepared for when they would attack, clutching her fist tightly.

Jareth: She wanted to make them sing soprano for the rest of their lives.

Legolas studied the cold essence,

Erestor: The Chemical composition of this is 98% Essence of Sue and 2% Essence of Saruman.
Ara and Mae: :blink:
Jareth: Are you alright, my friend?
Erestor: No.


knowing that something of Saruman's doing could only feel this evil. He turned his golden head,

Mae: He was plated in gold? Why gold? I could understand Chocolate sauce and cherries or-
Erestor: I do not want to know Mae.
Jareth: *ignoring Erestor* Caramel is nicer than Chocolate.
Ara: Chocolate.
Jareth: Caramel and Chocolate, a bit like those Caramello bears you eat.
Mae: Those are Koalas Jareth, damn, now I want a Caramello. . .
Jareth: Really? *raises one eyebrow*
Mae: I have my period. I get chocolate cravings.
Jareth: Ahhh . . .


watching as Aurora clutched her fist.

Erestor: Why would she clutch her own fist?
Ara: Because she is mentally deranged.


He knew not what he had been feeling ever since he had met her.

Jareth: It was complete and utter hatred, unlike any he had ever felt before.
Ara: Yeah right. In this fic, it’d be pure and unadulterated lust.


It was all too strange.

Mae: Well considering that elves don’t usually lust after human girls, then it would be strange.

She was all too strange,

Erestor: *Drinks* SHE’S A BLOODY FREAKING SUE!! THAT IS WHY SHE IS SO STRANGE!! Graaaaaahhhh! *throws bottle at screen*
Ara: Please don’t abuse the caps lock key.
Erestor: AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ara: Or the exclamation marks.
Erestor: *Headdesks*


but that only made her more enticing.

All: NOOOOO! Legolas, don’t fall for it! You’re strong!

Legolas wanted to know more about this young mortal woman.

]Jareth: He wanted to explore every oversized curve of her ‘petite’ body and-
Mae: JARETH! *retches* Please. . .
Jareth: Sorry.


He had never been this interested in a mortal before.

Erestor: *tiredly* He is an Elf and therefore immortal. Mortals are Mortal and are inferior to the firstborn of Illuvatar. Therefore Elves are not usually attracted to mortals.

Man or woman.

Ara: Oh, for frick’s sake! *grabs a barf bag and throws up*
Mae: Oh Valar Ara, don’t.
*Everyone Retches*


His ears suddenly twitched as he felt something was about to happen.

Erestor: *indignantly* Our ears do not twitch when we sense danger! *keeps drinking*
Mae: *to Ara and Jareth* He’ll be dead drunk before long. . .
Ara: I wonder what he is like drunk?
Mae: He sings a lot.
Ara: Wha?
Jareth: And his voice is terrible.
Erestor: Is not.
*Mae and Jareth snort*


He turned around to see a flock of Rohan men come at them.

Mae: I didn’t know the Rohirrim came in flocks. If anything I thought it would be herds seeing as they are the horse lords, not the sheep lords.

"Crap." Aurora muttered as one of the Rohan men nearly grabbed groped her.

Erestor: *still drinking* Thanksh Jareth.
Mae: Oh gods, he’s started. *giggles* And I’m tipsy, dammit.


He had not been trying to injure her,

Ara: He was just trying to grope her, and we all know that it ain’t rape if you enjoy it.*hic*
*Jareth and Mae crack up*


but trying to capture her.

Erestor: And roasht her onna shpit to Morgoth. . .
Ara: *chinks bottle with Erestor and giggles drunkenly with him*


She lifted her fist as it collided with that man's nose.

Jareth: Wha? Awkward wording, what.

He stumbled backwards, grabbing his nose in shock.

Ara: She what?
Mae: All because her fist collided with it? Although she did strangle an Uruk by hanging onto its back.
Ara: Ah, true. *chugs more alco*


Aragorn punched several of the men, knocking them down.

Erestor: *Yawns then hiccups*
Ara: Poor little Erestor! Do you need to go beddy-byes now?
Erestor: I feel shleepy!


He used his elbow, hammering it into a man's jaw.

Ara: *flatly* I’m dying of excitement. . .

The man shouted in pain, falling to the ground.

Mae: The action is so intense. *yawns*

Boromir threw around several of the men, shoving some down viciously. He kicked some that were down, making sure they would stay down.

Jareth: That is not very chivalrous Boromir. I thought you were meant to be a gentleman.
Ara: Just like you, Jareth.
Jareth: Yeah! Wait, what?
Ara: Last time you and Mae—er, whatever you guys were doing, it probably wasn’t that gentleman-like.
Jareth: Oh, shut up.
Ara: *chucks popcorn slightly drunkenly in Jareth’s general direction* Oh, youuuuu shut up!
Erestor: Both of ya, shuddup!


"Get off me!" Aurora screamed

Mae: *As Aurora* Only, lyke, Théoden is important enough to touch me for free. You have to, lyke, pay for that privilege. . .
*Everyone else retches again*


as a man grabbed her roughly by her shoulders.

Mae: *A la Jar Jar* How Wude.

She knew how to fight; well sort of…This man was very strong though.

Jareth: Stronger than that Uruk, hey?

Legolas took notice, not liking how the man grabbed her so roughly.

Erestor: He wash jealoush coz he wash lonely *sings* I’m lonely, Oh sho lonely, I got nobody for my oooooooooooo-
Everyone else: SHUT UP!!
Erestor: *huffs* You all jusht jealoush of my shinging voishe. . .


What was wrong with Men?

Ara: They were men?
Mae: Agreed.
Jareth and Erestor: OI!


Especially how some treated women…

Erestor: *singing* I am woman, Here me roar. In numbersh too big too igshnore-
Ara: ERESTOR!! SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
Erestor: :blink: Me wash only shinging. . .
Mae: Precisely Erestor. . .


He approached quietly,

Jareth: Before plunging his sword into her!
*Mae and Ara crack up*
Jareth: Wha – Oh. *laughs*


being that he was an Elf.

Erestor: Elf, Shmelf. We can shometimesh walk shilently, but not becaushe we are Elvesh.

Legolas pulled the man off her,

Ara: What was he doing whilst he was on her?
Mae: *retches* I don’t think we want to know, Ara.
Ara: True. *tips up the bottle and takes a long swig of Miruvodka™*


lifting his fist to da Shuesh fashe, and he punchesh her noshe in.

Erestor: Mwahahahah-hic!
Ara: Lords of the West, Erestor, you’re more out of it than I am! *Hic!*


His fist connected with the man's cheek,

Erestor: Dammit.

causing him to fall down. Aurora uncomfortably stood there,

Mae: She hadn’t wanted Leggy to stop the dude ripping her clothes off.
Jareth: and seeing as she was now only half dressed, it made her feel a bit uncomfortable. . .
Ara: But with her occupation, I doubt that standing around half-naked in a room full of guys would’ve made any difference.
Erestor: *retches*
Ara: Our poor Elf-lord is still a prude even when he’s smashed.


not liking that Legolas had protected her.

Jareth: She was horny. She wanted the attention. . .
Erestor: *Trying to sound threatening* Jaweth. . . Shtop.
*Mae and Ara try not to crack up laughing*


I can protect myself, I don't need anyone….

Mae: Of course you don’t, dear. You just go and get yourself killed like a good little Sue.
Jareth: Pffft. Since when are Sues good?


"Are you alright?" He asked concernedly.

Ara: SHE. IS. A. FREAKING. SUE!!!!!! THEREFORE SHE CAN NOT BE ALRIGHT!
Jareth: Ara, are you feeling quite well?
Ara: *sarcastically* Oh, of course I am. I’ve just been sitting through a huge PWP involving horses, numerous innuendoes and half-dead old men without eating chocolate!


Reaching out for her, but she quickly moved.

Jareth: Onto his drawn sword!
Erestor: That wash dirty Jaweth. . . and naughty. . .
Jareth: *smirks* I know Erestor, but you love it.
Erestor: *frowns* I do?
Ara: *winks* Yes, you do Erestor.
Erestor: Sh’okay then, if I likesh it. . .
Mae: Good Erestor. *pats Erestor on the head and nearly gets her hand snapped off* :blink:


"I'm fine."

All: No you’re not!

She turned towards another direction as her cheeks turned pink.

Jareth: *starts Hyperventilating* Not more blushing and nodding, PPD must have taken writing lessons from Angey.
Erestor: *singing* Angey Pangey puddingsh and piesh. Kished the boysh and makesh dem cry hee hee. . .
Ara: *smacks Erestor upside the head* Calm down, you crazy Elf.


Legolas, the prince

Mae: Capitalise the ‘P’ on prince.

of Mirkwood, was indeed very captivating.

Erestor: She wash capto. . . capli. . .
Ara: Captivated?
Erestor: Yah, dat one. . . by da prinshes troushersh and her hand moved towardsh da bulg-
Mae, Ara and Jareth: ERESTOR!! *vomit*
Erestor: :blink: What?
Ara: *weakly* That’s not the way to try and fit in, mate…


Aurora quickly turned her attention back to Gandalf,

Jareth: Who was eying her half-clad body covetously.
Ara: *holds up nearly empty bottle* Nice alliteration, Jareth.


who had now revealed himself as white Gandalf.

Erestor: *confused* Not Urple?
Ara: NOT Urple.


Wormtongue was on the floor,

Mae: With the Sue on his sword.
Ara: *nearly sprays alcohol everywhere*
Erestor: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Everyone else: :blink:


struggling as Gimli held him in place.

Jareth: *Vomits* Gimli/Wormtongue?!?
Ara: Oh gods. . . *Retches*
Erestor: Well. That’sh not usually a pairing you find often!
Jareth: And thank God for that.


I should help Gimli,

All: *Retch*
Mae: Now it’s a Gimli, Wormtongue, Sue love triangle?
Ara: I hope not.


besides I don't like Grima.

Erestor: But you ish in a love trangle with him. . .
Ara: I think you mean triangle.
Erestor: Datsh wot I shaid. . . tranglil.
Ara: *Facepalms*


I might get a chance to punch him or something. She approached them, glad to be walking away from Legolas.

Erestor: *swaying and singing* I’m a li’l teapot, short and shtout. Here ish my handle, here ish my shpout.
Mae: *Gags Erestor*
Erestor: MMMMMMPPPPHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!


She reached her foot out, stepping on Wormtongue's chest, helping to hold him down.

Mae: She’s stealing Gimli’s role now.
Ara: Either that, or she wants a bit more action.
Jareth: What, than she’s already been getting? I thought all that hot stuff going on with Théoden and Wormtongue would have satisfied her enough!
Erestor: *pulls off the gag and holds up finger wisely* A Shue is never shatishfied.
Ara: A shoe?
Erestor: *waggling his finger at Ara* No, a Shue!


Eowyn came abruptly, trying to run towards her uncle's aide.

Ara: She was trying to run towards Wormtongue?
Erestor: Bwah?
Ara: *sigh* Wormtongue was Théoden’s advisor, or his ‘aide’.
Erestor: Oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Hic!


She was grabbed by Aragorn though.

Jareth: Who was jealous off all the attention Wormtongue was getting.

Everyone watched, mesmerized by how Gandalf lifted Saruman's curse off of Theoden.

Mae: *grinds her teeth* How. Hard. Is. It. To. Put. A. Freaking. Accent. Over. The. ‘E’
Jareth: *hugs Mae* You’ll be alright.
Ara: *passes the chocolate* This’ll solve all your problems.
Mae: *sniff* Thanks guys, though I can’t help but think that Erestor is the only sensible one here.
Ara: Why?
Mae: He got drunk.
Erestor: *drunken grin*


This is so much better in actual person. I can't believe how angelic Gandalf really looks…

Ara: *vomits* Oh gods, she IS going after Gandalf now. . .
Erestor: Gandalf ish a good fwiend. . .


________________________________________

Jareth: *singing* Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time takes you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
Mae: Uh. . .
Jareth: The line looks like a road, and I’m running out of songs about lines.
Mae: Ah.


Grima had been officially kicked out of Edoras. It was truly a marvelous

Jareth: Double ‘L’

sight to see that King Theoden was back.

Erestor: *shudders*Accshent onna ‘e’.

The people of Edoras had immediately become more joyful.

Mae: *As people of Edoras* Ooh, our king has lost his accent, everyone rejoice. *grabs the Miruvodka™ and drinks*
Ara: ‘Ey, give me some o’ that!


It wasn't the saddened sight Aurora had previously witnessed. Eowyn was now escorting her to her private chambers.

Jareth: Because the Golden Hall had no servants. Therefore Éowyn, note the accent, PPD, had to escort visitors to their rooms.
Ara: Where they would pass the time in various creative ways.


Now that Theoden was back, he was more welcoming than ever.

Ara: Good grief. Everyone is way too welcoming for my tastes. Even that horse—
Erestor: Ergh hergh hergh. *drunken laughing*
Ara: *raises eyebrow*


"I can't believe I'm meeting you. I can't believe I'm in Rohan, this is so cool!"

Erestor: *posing* Row-han. . . home of da horshe lor-hic Lordsh. . . *collapses into his seat*
Ara: We really need to do something about him.
Mae: What? I ain’t doing anything.
Ara: Why not?
Jareth: He is much more fun like this.
Ara: *pouts* Fine. But if he sings one more nursery rhyme. . .


Aurora beamed excitedly as her and Eowyn walked down several long halls.

Ara: Jeez. How many bloody halls are there in the Golden Hall?
Mae: If there are really so many wouldn’t it be called the Golden Halls?


"So it's true that you have come from a whole different world?" Eowyn asked,

Ara: *snerk* Oh, she’s from a different world, alright. Try a different planet, Éowyn.

"I can tell that it must be true, certainly from the way you are dressed."

Erestor: She’sh actually dreshed?
Ara: Good onya, Elf-boy.


"I need some new clothes. Pajamas are no way to run around in Middle-earth."

Ara: Yeah, so you ran around Middle-Earth without your clothes on.
Jareth: In order to engage in unsavoury acts with canon characters.


She said as she stared down at her odd clothes.

Jareth: What clothes?
Mae: The ones she didn’t want to run around Middle-Earth in?


"I shall gather you some clothing then."

Ara: *as Éowyn* “Because black lingerie does not pass as modest clothing in Middle-Earth, sweetie.”
Erestor: ‘Speshully not the shtuff from Victoria’sh Shecret.
Ara and Mae: :blink: How do you even know about Victoria’s Secret?
Erestor: Glorfindel shopsh there in hish shpare time, sho I’ve heard.


"Wow, I might actually look like I fit into Middle-earth with Rohan clothes." Aurora thought.

Erestor: *drinks again* I fink dat a flunerlal shroud would looksh perfect onner.
Jareth: Hmmm, I’d have to agree with that.


They walked down the long brick hallways, silence enveloping them now.

Mae: Where the frick did they pull all the bricks from? I thought the Golden Hall was made of wood. . .

Eowyn turned down the hall, walking up a corridor of stairs.

Ara: A corridor of stairs? You mean a flight of steps, right, PPD?

Aurora hurried up and followed, not wanting to fall behind.

Jareth: Sheesh! I’m sure Éowyn would not have let a guest fall behind, Aurora.

"It's beautiful up here." Aurora broke the silence wind as she observed some beautiful portraits of previous Kings of Rohan.

Ara: Hey, nice work, Erestor!
Erestor: Thanksh.
Jareth: I can’t believe he can still use the mouse what with the state he’s in.


The portraits filled the cold stonewalls,

Ara: Medusa looked at them!
Jareth: Who?
Ara: The mythical maiden of Greek legend who could turn things to stone by looking at them. Didn’t dear old what’s-her-beard say that the walls were made out of bricks before?


giving a more vivid feel to the staircase.

Erestor: :blink: The staircase was alive?
Ara: Hey, you’re not slurring anymore!
Erestor: Aye, but I’m not thinking straight and I feel like singing—
Mae: I have a gag, and I’m not afraid to use it.


"Wait until we arrive into your chambers, it is truly beautiful up there." Eowyn said as the staircase finally ended.

Jareth: I’m sure she’d love to see what her chambers looked like. She’ll be spending a fair bit in them, I’d say.
Mae: But she won’t be able to fit the horse in there!
Erestor: *flatly* A pity.
Ara: She’d be too tired to engage in unsavoury activities anyway—she was huffing and puffing her way up those stairs. Go to the gym, ‘Rora.


The staircase led into a large hallway where several woodened doors were aligned on either side of the walls.

Ara: What the frick is with the “woodened”?!
Mae: *sighs* It’s the Suethor trying to sound sophisticated again. . .


Eowyn stopped walking, standing in front of one of the doors.

Ara: *as Éowyn* “Hey, it says ‘Rack off, pseudo-human” on it!
Erestor: Nishe.


"Here is your room."

Jareth: *as Aurora* “But. . .but it’s only the size of a little prison cell! And there’s not even a room service button!”
Ara: *as Éowyn* “That’s because it is a prison cell.”


She opened the door,

Mae: And shoved the sue into the prison cell, laughing manically.
Erestor: *as Aurora* But it only has a single bed!!


walking into a large bedroom that was filled with sunlight from the opened windows.

Everyone: Dammit! Why couldn’t it be a prison cell?
Ara: Because it’s not conducive to nightly activities.


Aurora stared in awe. Being deprived of sleeping on a bed, makes you appreciate them much more. I'm happy I can finally sleep on a bed again.

Jareth: *snorts* I’m not even going to bother making a sick comment.
Mae: Seeing as we could think of nothing less than M or R-Rated to put.


"My muscles have been sore from

Ara: NO! Don’t say it! And I saw that look, Jareth!
Jareth: *closes his mouth*


sleeping on the ground."

Erestor: Are you sure you’re only shleeping?
Ara: *whispers to Mae* He must be still drunk or he wouldn’t be saying stuff like that!


She laughed, "this is great Eowyn."

*Ara and Mae start crying*
Jareth: *in surprise* What’s wrong?
Ara: One sick scene followed by another!
Jareth: You know, I think all of us, Erestor included, need to psychologically alter our minds away from interpreting everything as being sick—after all, PPD never specifically said that Aurora was getting it on with Wormtongue. Or with any of those other dudes.
*pause*
Jareth: Though, I suppose, it does take the fun out of it.


Eowyn turned to leave as her beautiful blonde hair flowed behind her, "dinner shall be served in an hour. I also shall have some new clothes for you." With that last said, she left.
Aurora happily ran to her bed, jumping on it rather childishly with a few other people in it.

"I love beds!"

Ara: Yeah, we know.
Erestor: Though the lack of sleeping apparatus never seemed to stop her before.


She said to herself, hugging her bed in appreciation.

*Complete and utter silence*

She turned, laying on her back as she stared at the ceiling.

Jareth: She must do a lot of that.

It was so relaxing to be by herself.

Mae: Though I don’t think she gets a lot of time to herself.
Ara: Not with all the “visitors” she gets.
*Ara and Mae snicker. Jareth nods in appreciation. Erestor rolls his eyes, evidently beginning to be himself again and sober up.*


For the past few days, I've had to put up with Aragorn's constant beckoning for the group to move faster.

Erestor: Beckoning? This Suethor’s choice of words is very poor.
Ara: Hey! You’re not slurring anymore!
Erestor: The effects of alcohol are short-lived on Elf Lords.
Jareth: But it’s pretty damn funny while it lasts.


Boromir's weird random comments.

Jareth: What about ‘em?

Gimli's small temper and Legolas's Elf strangeness.

Erestor: What Elf strangeness? Elves aren’t strange!
Ara: “Small temper”? I think she means short temper.


She shut her eyes, relaxing her head.

Ara: Oi, Mae—did you know that shutting your eyes is somehow connected to relaxing your head?
Mae: Really? *shuts her eyes* Dammit, my headache ain’t going away.


Maybe she could rest until dinner, take a small nap.

Erestor (exasperatedly): How about we make that small nap a permanent one.
Jareth: :huh: Wow, even Erestor’s losing his cool.
Erestor: I am not losing my cool!!
Ara: Sure about that? You’re abusing exclamation marks too.


A sudden knock sounded on her door. Her eyes flew open.

Ara: *flatly* It was a bomb.
Jareth: The Golden Hall blew up. The End.


I try to go to sleep, but I can't.

Mae: It’s not very nice to fall asleep on your ‘visitors’ Aurora.
Ara: Pfft. Since when is this Sue nice, anyway?


Someone freaking knocks on my door!

Erestor: Well! I am sorry, your highness!

She stood up grumpily, walking to her door. She opened it angrily, finding Legolas standing there.

Ara: The bomb exploded explodingly, causing the Sue’s combustion.
Jareth: “Explodingly”?
Ara: Oh, shut up. It was the only adverb I could think of that would fit PPD’s repeated sentence structure.
Jareth: Nerd.
Ara: Freak with emo hair.
Jareth: You win.
Ara: Thanks.


He stared at her with confused eyes, "why are you so angry?"

Mae: *As Aurora* Coz I was, lyke, getting ready for my guests, and you just, lyke, barge in on me!!LOLZ!!11!! :angry:
Ara: :lol:


"Because I was trying to sleep." She rolled her eyes as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Jareth: Rude little bitch.

"I am sorry for disturbing you." He apologized.

Ara: I think the Sue’s disturbing Legolas, personally.

She felt bad, "look, its fine.

Erestor: *confused* What’s fine what?
Jareth: Her armpits’ fine stench.
Erestor: Er. . .alright.


I'm just grumpy when I'm tired.

Ara and Mae: BULLSHIT!

Actually, that's a lie; I'm grumpy all the time. You don't have to apologize."

Ara: I think PPD’s trying to show us all Aurora’s “flaws”. . .poor thing doesn’t get it. . .

"My lady, I was only wondering if you were well suited in your chambers." He said.

Jareth: Well what?
Ara: Is she wearing her chambers or what?


"Yeah, I have a bed. It so beats sleeping on the ground." Aurora said, feeling like a dork slut.

Erestor: Good Lord!
Ara: Oh, get over it. Aurora deserves it.


It was easy to feel like a dork slut in front of an Elf.

Ara: Every time we come across the word ‘dork’, I’m gonna replace it with ‘slut’! AHAHAHA!
Erestor: :blink:
Mae: I love the way you think, Ara.


"That is very good." He nodded his head.
"So….prince Legolas. I bet this doesn't compare to the royal treatment you're used to." She teased him.
His face grew of immediate embarrassment,

Ara: And once again, little miss Suethor is making no sense whatsoever.

"you do not have to call me a prince. I know that is my birthright, but I do not like to go by the title."

Jareth: I’m with Ara on this one.

"So you're modest?" She folded her arms, leaning against the doorframe.

Jareth: Bet the doorframe appreciated her touching it. . .
Erestor: SHUT UP!
Jareth: :blink: Whoa. Sorry.
Erestor: If you’re going to be sick, at least don’t be explicit!
Jareth: But I wasn’t!


"I am not modest about it.

Mae: No shit Sherlock.

I just would rather not be known as the prince of Mirkwood.

Jareth: So what do you want to be known as? The King of Mirkwood? Or the King of the Sue Harem?
Erestor: *groans*


I would rather be known as just another Elf." He explained.

Ara: You know what? I don’t blame him. I bet half the fangirls are after him because he’s a prince.
*Pause*
Ara: Then again, they’re so stupid that it’s only looks that matter.
Jareth: *flatly* Because money isn’t a shallow motive at all.
Ara: For Sues, it’d be considered critical thinking.


"If I were you." She commented, "I'd be flaunting my royalty title all over."

Mae: Royalty title? Isn’t it just royal title?
Erestor: Bah, who knows?


He smirked, finding what she said funny,

Jareth: *As Dumb!Legolas* Durgh hurgh hurgh! Dat wash funny. . .
*Ara and Mae crack up laughing for about the tenth time (Note from Mae and Ara: And we did that in real life! We couldn’t stop laughing for nearly five minutes after Ara typed that up!
)

"I guess it is a good thing that you are not me."

Ara: Oh, yeah.

"Yeah." Aurora cocked her head in an awkward way,

Mae: :blink: She said something sensible?? Am I dreaming?
Erestor: No you’re not, she did say something sensible!


"I'd be the kind of stuck-up royalty that everyone would hate."

Jareth: Everyone hates you anyway, my dear.

"You do not seem stuck-up to me." He honestly said.

Erestor: *chokes on a mouthful of coffee* Honestly?! What is Legolas’s problem?!

"That's because you don't know me that well."

Ara: Are you sure about that? Are you—ow!
Erestor: Have some chocolate or something but keep your mouth shut!
Jareth: Hey, Mae’s worse!
Erestor: *irritably* Then Mae can have some chocolate too!
Ara and Mae: Gladly.


Legolas stared at her big brown doe eyes,

Erestor: *groans and headdesks*

finding himself in admiration.

Jareth: Where is admiration?
Mae: I dunno, Stu-pidistan.
Ara: *hi-fives Mae*


How is a mortal born with such lovely eyes?

Erestor: Well you see PPD, when two Mortals love each other very much. . .
Jareth: *facepalms* Not another biology lesson.


He then found himself saying,"I wish to know you that well."

Mae: Oh I’m sure you do. . .
Jareth: I thought he already knew her well, what about all those nightly escapades?


She looked taken aback,

Erestor: Why?

but quickly replaced that expression with a smile, "no you don't.

Mae: *As Legolas* Yes I do.
Ara: *As Aurora* No you don’t
Mae: Yes I do.
Ara: Do not.
Mae: Do too.
Jareth: *DYID* SHUT UP!!
*Everyone freezes*
Jareth: Thank God Xaja taught Mae the DYID.


You're just being a polite Elf."

Erestor: Oh really, you don’t say.

"I wish to befriend you.

Jareth: *opens his mouth*
Erestor: *Glares*
Jareth: *Shuts his mouth*


It'd be incredible to befriend a person that hails from a whole different world." Legolas thought as his eyes narrowed on her.

Ara: Wha? Did anyone understand that?
*Crickets chirp*
Ara: Riiight. Okay, well, it’s my custom to translate things we don’t get into Sue-gibberish, so, here goes: This sentence means nothing more and nothing less than, “Nergulity floof herangulous glook herzenstein sheizenhousen.”


"Cool." She nodded her head,

Erestor: *facepalms* Another bobble headed sue.

"I thought of us as friends before, since we were traveling together and all. You're sort of the one I talk to most, well besides Gimli."

Mae: Gah! The spelling! *twitches*

His lips formed a gentle smile, "if you wish for my friendship, then that is what I shall give you."

Mae: That’s just begging for a dirty comment. . .
Erestor: NO!
Jareth, Mae and Ara: But why not?
Erestor: Because it’s revolting!
Ara: I’m gonna make a sick comment anyway. *opens her mouth and says something too R-rated for this MST*
Erestor: …
Jareth: …
Mae: … whoa …
Ara: *looks smug*


"Do you always have to talk so formal?" She randomly asked.

Jareth: HE’S A FREAKING PRINCE!!! OF COURSE HE’S GONNA TALK FORMALLY!! GAAAAHHHHH!!! *Headdesks*

"I speak in the manner that I was taught to speak." He answered her,

All: No shit Sherlock!

"does it bother you?" Legolas questioned.

Ara: Asked, not questioned.

"No." She shook her head, "it's a relief from the way people speak in my world. They speak all grammatically incorrect.

Mae: *winces at the wording* I can see that . . .

Besides, if you spoke any different it'd be weird. You're an Elf; you're supposed to speak all formal and beautiful."

Erestor: Wha?

A quick image of Legolas speaking like a thug from the ghetto suddenly popped into her brain.

Mae: Oh gods . . . she has got to be joking . . .

She imagined him dressed in jeans that were falling off him, his boxers showing,

Jareth: So, in other words, he looks like that Eminem singer that Mae loves?
Mae: OI! Do NOT bag Eminem.
Jareth: *holds up his hands* I wasn’t!
Mae: <_<
Ara: Legolas with his boxers showing…now, is that something Aurora would like, or something that she would cack her pants laughing at?


him having a grill, and him hanging out with a bunch of other thugs. Aurora started laughing wildly. The image was too funny.

Erestor: *falsetto* Lyk, OMG!!1!11! That’s just, lyk, too funny heeheeheeheeheeehee!!11!1!!1!LOLZ!
*Everyone slowly moves away, Ara taking the chocolate with her*


Legolas watched her as she held onto her stomach from laughing so hard.

Mae: *Flatly* He was waiting for it to explode.

He wondered what in the world was she laughing at?

Ara: Ya mum!
Erestor: *sighs*
Ara: Couldn’t resist.


"What is causing your laughter?" He asked, while keeping a serious face.

Jareth: He didn’t want to trade it in for the limited edition clown’s face just yet.

She tried to stop laughing, but laughed even harder at his serious expression. Man, these people in Middle-earth need to lighten up.

Mae:*exasperated* Doesn’t she understand that the people of Middle-Earth are in the middle of a WAR for Eru’s sake! Their whole WORLD was in danger! They’re not likely to be cacking their pants at every single little, insignificant and completely un-funny thing that came oozing out of the ugly mouth of some little SLUT!
Ara: *nods approvingly*


I wonder if Legolas has ever laughed so hard he was about to pee on himself? Probably not.

Ara: *stares wordlessly at the screen* But – wha – I –
Erestor: *pats Ara sympathetically*


"Hold on." She managed to say while chuckling, "I'm sorry; I just got this funny visual of you in my world…"
Aurora slowly regained her composure after laughing so hard. Legolas looked at her as though she was insane.

Jareth: He’s finally getting some sense!
Erestor: *hopefully* You really think so?
Jareth: We can only hope . . .


"So…" Aurora changed the subject,

Mae: *snorts* That is so polite.

"when's dinner going to be done?"

Ara: You’ll grow fat if you eat too much, ya know.
Erestor: Such a trivial concern.
Ara: On the contrary, Lord Erestor. Being the perfect weight and body shape is very important to Sues. Otherwise it might fail to attract dear little Leggie-kins and then they might not be able to…er, do stuff.


________________________________________

Jareth: I’ve run out of songs. *sighs*
Everyone else: Damn!


Aurora awkwardly yanked on her long Rohan dress,

Mae: She would have preferred the thigh-length, see-through night gown she arrived in.

while walking down the long stretch of hallways towards the dining area, wherever that was. She had gotten to take a nap and take a bath, which was very relieving.

Mae: Oh I’m sure it was *eyebrows*
Jareth: I wonder how much company she had there- OW
Erestor: *whacks Jareth*
Jareth: What was that for?
Erestor: *rolls his eyes*


She continued down the hallways, hoping that she was going the right direction. From what she recalled, it seemed like the right way.

Erestor: She didn’t realise that Éowyn had actually pointed her towards the torture chambers . . .

She stopped walking as a large door lay an egg to the right to her.

Erestor: Mae?
Mae: What? *grins*


Maybe that's the dining hall?

Ara: So whenever there’s a large door it’s automatically a dining room?

Aurora opened the door, peeking in to see Aragorn, Gandalf and Theoden talking, while Gimli and Boromir ate. Legolas stood still, watching the conversation intently.

Erestor: The description is so intense!

She walked in, feeling rather self-conscience when they all went silent. They all watched her as though she was the most interesting thing in the world.

Mae: Well, isn’t that a classic example of a Sue, now?
Ara: *sulkily* Complete with shoddy grammar. And nouns replacing adjectives.


It was just like when you were late to school, and when you walked in your classroom, everyone stared at you.

All: Why wouldn’t they?

"Boy." She commented, "do I have a huge pimple on my face or something? Stop staring at me."

Jareth: *groans* I HATE obnoxious little biatches . . .

Theoden, Aragorn, and Gandalf turned there

Ara: *twitches* Their, not there.

attention back to their conversation. Gimli and Boromir laughed at her comment, while Legolas stared at her with wonder.

Erestor: Is it just me, or does this make no sense . . .

"Come on lad, sit down." Gimli invited her to sit.

Mae: HA! She is a guy.*grins*

Aurora sat down between Gimli and Boromir, immediately reaching for a plate.

Erestor: Where are your manners?
Jareth: What manners?
Erestor: True . . .


She began piling loads of food onto her plate,

Mae: She’s not very weight-conscious is she?

having been starving for the past few days.

Mae: Why are they feeding her now then? You should never leave a job half done!

She attacked her chicken first,

All: Run, chicken, run!

eating it fast.

Jareth: One minute of silence for the chicken, please.

Legolas approached the table now, standing by Gimli.
Boromir curiously stared at Aurora, "why do you wear that jewel? Do you wear it because you are betrothed?"

Erestor: *horrified* THAT?!? BETROTHED?!? Sweet Belain . . .
Ara: I pity whoever her fiance is. She’s been all over the place. Then again, that should give her a lot of good experience for the married st—OW! Erestor!


Legolas curiously looked at the jewel, "are you promised to a man?"

Mae: *snorts* If she was promised to a man, she’d have to give up all those nightly activities . . .
Jareth: She would?
Mae: Yeah. *beat* Actually, scrap that. She wouldn’t care.
Ara: She’d still be able to do her nightly activities but only with one person. I mean, lyke, how boring.


"What? No way, I'm too young to get married so I had to become a slut instead." She said through bites of food.

Erestor: Mae . . .
Mae: *grins*


Aurora swallowed her food fast, then said.

Jareth: And then said, “Gee, this chicken tastes like rabbit.”
Ara: *evilly, as Théoden* “It’s the cyanide.”


"This." She picked up the jewel-embedded ring that hung from a necklace, "I got it from my grandma.

Mae: I get it!! It’s one of those suicide rings! The grandma must have seen she was a Sue and planned to murder her with it. *grins*
Erestor: I think I like this grandma.


I wear it as a memory of her. She passed away last year, so I like to wear it all the time."

Jareth: *dreamily* All the while the poison has been seeping into her cells and slowly killing her . . .

Boromir nodded his head in an understanding way, then went back to eating.
Gimli laughed, "who would want to marry you? You are very indecent."

All: *cheer Gimli*
Ara: Boo-YEAH! *scoffs down more chocolate in celebration*


"What?" She became offended, "I'm not indecent. You're the indecent one."

Mae: Uh . . . if anyone understood that could they tell me?
*crickets chirp*
Mae: Dammit.


Gimli gulped down a few drinks as the liquid oozed down his beard, "I am not indecent!"
"Yes you are. You can't even drink properly." She pointed out.
"Well, you can not eat properly."
"I don't care to eat properly!"
"Well I don't care to drink properly!"

Erestor: Oh freaking hell just SHUT UP!!!
All: *edge away from Erestor*
Erestor: *moans* Forgot how much I hate hangovers . . .
Ara: “Indecent” and “lack of table manners” are two very, VERY different things, PPD.


"Fine." She finalized.

Ara: Oh. Right. She finalized. After initiating. And processing.

"Fine." He replied,

Jareth: And that made no sense whatsoever.
Mae: I’m sure Gimli is much more mature than that.


turning his head towards Legolas, "see what happens when we bring a woman along. This is what happens. We get stuck with the worse one."

All: We agree with that!

"Oh, hell no Dwarf. I'm going to stick this chicken in your face." Aurora held up a chicken thigh.

All: What. The. Frick. :blink:
Mae: What is her problem?
Jareth: She’s an obnoxious bitch of a freaking Sue.
Mae: Tru dat.


"She is not that bad." Legolas said,

Erestor: LEGOLAS!! NO! DON’T FALL FOR IT!!! SHE IS THE SPAWN OF MORGOTH!!!

"she is rather unique, but a person who leaves me in bewilderment nonetheless."

Mae: Did that make sense to anyone?
*Crickets chirp*
Mae: *sighs* I thought so.
Ara: There’s been a lot of that going around.


"She is only a woman Gimli. Be polite." Boromir said.

If I promise not to kill you can I have a hug?

My favorite thing about eating gummy bears is that they don't fight back when bite their heads off

Teddies don't hug back, but sometimes they're all you have...

Joker: You know, there are three kinds of people in this world. The optomistic that find the glass half full, and the pessimistic that see it as half empty. Then there's the paranoid, and they just think someone's drinking out of their glass.

Corrigan: Huh, then which one are you?

Joker: I'm the one who knocks the glass over.
~ The Joker Blogs.
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Maevainwen Adaniel
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Master of the Rings
(I had to post in two parts <_< )

Mae: *splutters* Boromir. Was. Not. A. Misogynistic. BASTARD. You.. you.. *Censored for your mental protection*
*Everyone else edges away*


"Hey." Aurora shook her chicken thigh at Boromir, "I am not only a woman, I am a strong woman."

Erestor: *scoffs* I’ll bet even a hobbit could best you in a fight.

"I do not even believe she is a woman. She is a male in disguise. "Gimli commented as he glared at her."

Jareth: Ummmmm, Gimli said that?? Gimli was much too polite to say that . . .

"I am not a transvestite." She said, "I am a natural born woman!"
Legolas gave Gimli a

Ara: Cold chicken leg and whacked him over the head with it.
Jareth: Punch and Judy. Except…Gimli and Legolas.
Ara: With a chicken leg.
Jareth: And they wrestled to the floor.
Ara: Knocking chairs and tables around in the ensuing scuffle.
Jareth: And poking at each other’s eyes with their pieces of cold chicken, hovering it threateningly in the other’s face.
Ara: But alas, the cyanide had taken its course, and even as Gimli was about to shout, “You bastard of an Elf!” he fell convulsing to the floor, Legolas having a similar spazz attack, his blue eyes clouding over with anguish.
Jareth: And they died.
Ara: And so they were woven again into the Circle of Life.
Erestor: *starts singing* “The Circle of liiiiiiiiifffe!”


odd stare, "why must you two be so childish?"

Erestor: I could ask the same question of Jareth and Ara.
Ara: Here’s the answer: It’s fun.


"Because I'm immature." Aurora admitted as she bit into her chicken thigh.

Ara: PPD said to me that her Sue’s being immature was a character flaw. But for it to really work, other characters have to be pissed off by her behaviour. As it is right now, Legolas is tripping over his feet to get to her despite the fact that if they liked each other, it would be like an eighteen-year-old man falling in love with a nine year old.
*beat*
Ara: Okay, serious rant over. Pass me the chocolate.


"I am not childish." Gimli shook his head, "she is the childish one here."
They continued on, talking rather boisterous as they continued eating.
Jareth: Has PPD ever heard of adverbs before?
Ara: *perks up* The Society For the Protection of Parts of Speech would be glad to lend her some! *thinks* That is, if she promises not to mangle them beyond recognition.


Aurora began to enjoy their company more and more. She laughed with them, and had fun arguing with Gimli.

Erestor: Ummmm, that last bit sounded like the work of a 10 year old . . .

________________________________________

Jareth: *raps* I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway
Hey Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?

Erestor: Uh . . .
Jareth: Well as I said before, the line could look like a road . . . and a freeway’s a road . . .


She slowly walked back to her chambers, rubbing her stomach. I ate like a freaking cow today.

Mae: You are a freaking cow, dear.

I feel like a pig. Oh well, I'll feel more healthier

Erestor: Uh, you don’t need to say ‘more healthier’, you just say ‘healthier’.
Ara: Yes, because it is grammatically incorrect to add a word such as “more” to an adjective that is by its nature already comparative.
Erestor: Ara?
Ara: Yes?
Erestor: How did a girl like you ever end up…educated?
Ara: *angrily tips a bucket of popcorn all over him*
Jareth: *gasps* HEY! I was going to eat that!


after we start traveling

Jareth: Travelling has two ‘L’s

around again…
She went down twisted hallways, hoping she wasn't getting lost. Night had approached Edoras fast, and now she wanted to relax in her room for the rest of the night.

Jareth: *eyebrows* Sure she wanted to relax . . . she has a fairly demanding job . . .

"I hope I'm going the right way." She whispered to herself.
A hand suddenly grasped one of her shoulders, "you are going the right way my lady." Aurora freaked, pulling out Boromir's dagger in a swift motion.

*Mae, Jareth and Ara snort and crack up laughing. Erestor glares*
Erestor: Minds. Out. Of. The. Gutter. NOW!!
Everyone else: :rofl: No . . . :rofl:


She pointed it towards where the voice had come from,

*Everyone bar Erestor crack up again*

but know one

Erestor: *grimaces* NO one. Not KNOW one *headdesks repeatedly*

stood there. She turned her head back towards the front, and Legolas stood there smirking.
"What are you doing? You were just there." She pointed behind her, "oh yeah, you're quick because you're an Elf."

All: Wha??

"You should keep your guard up my lady." He spoke playfully.
"I had my guard up; I can't have my guard up against you because you have all these Elf powers."

Erestor: Elf powers? Where did he get powers from?
Jareth: PPD.
Erestor: Ah!


She pointed her dagger at him accusingly.

Jareth: I thought she had Boromir’s dagger?

"I do not have Elf powers."
"Yes you do." She lowered her dagger, putting it back into a loophole that was apart of her dress that was around her waist.

Mae: :blink: Now that’s not very decent.
Erestor: *smacks Mae upside the head*
Mae: OI! It’s true!! I’m sure you wouldn’t do that, unlike Playboy!Legolas!
Erestor: *freezes* What. Did. You. Say??
Mae: *gulps* Nothing?
Erestor: *glares and gags Mae*
Mae: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!


"May I walk you back to your chambers?" He asked gently.

Ara: Er…in mediaeval times, they would have interpreted that as a sign of…gross immodesty in a girl.
Jareth: In other words, she’s a slut. For the ten thousandth time.
Ara: Yeah.


"Yeah, if I can find it." She laughed, "man, I'm such a retard."

Jareth: :blink: She admitted it??
Mae: *Pulls off the gag* YESSSSSSSS! She’s coming out of denial!!!!!!!!! :dance:
Ara: Can I psychoanalyse her and prescribe torturous treatments?
Erestor: Can we have popcorn? *re-gags Mae*
Bob: NO!
All: Dammit. <_<


"It is this way. I shall assist you." He walked forward. She quickly caught up to him.

Jareth: *boredly* Please, don’t tell me they’re playing chasey around the Halls of Edoras.
Mae: Could be kiss chasey.
Ara: Extreme kiss chasey.
Jareth: Ugh.


They were now walking together.

Erestor: I never would have guessed that.

"Dwarves are so mean." She casually said, "Gimli has such a temper for a small man."

Mae: *growls*
Ara: Mae? *hides*


"That is very true." He agreed.

Mae: *grabs the Miruvodka™, but realises she can’t drink with the gag, she headdesks herself into unconsciousness instead*
Jareth: *winces* That’s gonna hurt . . .
Ara: Mae? MAE! *shakes her* You idiot! Why’d you do that for?!
Erestor: Aren’t you two supposed to be best friends?
Ara: Of course we are! That’s why I’m allowed to insult her and you’re not!


"Hey Legolas."
"Yes, lady Aurora." He answered politely.

Ara: Has this chick been reading ‘Twilight’, by any chance?
Jareth: Shoddy sentence structure, boring conversation…
Ara: You’ve read Twilight?
Jareth: Er…


"I really like Middle-earth, it's a cool place. It's way better than my home. I think I don't want to leave here. I think I'll start calling real estate agents and looking for a house in the Shire, after the war of the ring." She joked.

Erestor: Ummmmm . . .
Ara: Don’t ask me, mate.


"What are real estate agents?"

Jareth: *shakes his head* Poor, poor Legolas . . . he must feel just as confused as us now . . .

"Never mind." She said, "anyways, I've only been here for almost a week now. I thought it was just a dream at first, but I guess not…"

Ara: *snorts* No freaking shit!

"After the war of the ring, you should explore Middle-earth. Look for the beauty in our home." He suggested.

Jareth: Oh gods :X

"That sounds like a good idea." She smiled.

All: Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!
Bob: *winces* No abusing the Exclamation mark, please.
All: *headdesk*
Bob: Oh, and if you don’t wake Mae within 30 seconds I will make you spork an Arwen/Edward Cullen fic . . .
All: :o *throw a random bucket of water on Mae*
Mae: *gasp* :cry2: Waddaya wake me up for!!!!! I was having a nice dream . . .
All: *sigh*


They continued walking, speaking casually.

Jareth: How the fuck else would they be speaking?
Erestor: Jareth! Watch your tongue!


A few minutes later, they were standing in front of the door to her chambers. She didn't want to be alone. She felt like talking to Legolas more.

Mae: *cries* And HOW old was the author?
Erestor: She said she was 18 . . .
Ara: *snorts* More like 8!
Mae: *hopefully* Can I sue her for false advertising?
Bob: *smirks* No!
Mae: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US!!!!!
Bob: I enjoy torture. :evil:
Mae: :fade:
Ara: With reference to the story, I think Aurora was looking for a little more than just talking.
Jareth: Lord. We’ve made so many sick innuendoes and dodgy jokes in this chapter.
Erestor: *looks pained* I know.

Ara: It was necessary for the people.
Erestor: WHAT people?
Ara: The ones to whom the voices belonged…
Erestor: Alright. Now you’re scaring me, Mortal girl.


"Thanks for helping me. I would've found my room in an hour if you hadn't helped me." She said gratefully.
"It is no problem." He gently smirked at her,

Jareth: Um, why is he smirking? Did I miss something funny?
Ara: No.


staring at her beautiful long jet-black hair.

Erestor: *screams* CAN. YOU. STOP. SAYING. THAT. I. DON’T. FREAKING. CARE. WHAT. HER. FREAKING. HAIR. LOOKS. LIKE!!!!!!
Everyone else: :blink: He finally cracked . . .


"Do you want to come into my room?" She asked, "hang out for awhile. I'm bored alone…and you're pretty entertaining."

Jareth: :evileyebrow: Oh, I’m sure he is.
Erestor: *groans*


His eyes widened, "if I were to come into your chambers." He paused; staring around at several Rohirrim's

Mae: *twitches yet again* Rohirrim is plural already. :angry:
Ara: *spots stray apostrophe and grins gleefully* I have another apostrophe to add to my collection of abused punctuation and parts of speech!
Erestor: *looks very worried. And hungover.*


who walked by, "many Men would think indecent things about us. I am an Elf, it'd be inappropriate for me to come into a mortal woman's chambers."

Mae: Yes! Especially if that woman was a whore like Aurora. *smiles brightly*
Ara: *rolls eyes* No, PPD. It’s inappropriate not because Legolas is an Elf in a Mortal’s rooms, but because he is a MAN in a WOMAN’s rooms. *mutters about stupid Suethors*


Aurora chuckled, "who cares. You can't live life, caring about what other people think."

Ara: Uh, yes you can. Lots of people do.

"I have never heard such words." His icy blue eyes narrowed on her.
"Well." She smiled, "you're hearing them now."

Erestor: Oh Haha!! She’s so clever and witty.

Aurora opened the door, preparing to walk into her bedroom. Legolas followed her to her surprise pleasure.
"I thought you weren't going to come in here." She walked to her bed, sitting down.

Jareth: *groans* And here the action starts, I suppose . . . :headwall:
Mae: *pulls out a barf bag, just in case*


"Well, I believe your words to be wise.

Erestor: I can’t believe he’s that stupid . . .

I shall not live life, caring what people think." He awkwardly stood there.

Mae: Tell me this isn’t Legolas . . .
Ara: *brightly* This isn’t Legolas!


"You know." Aurora padded the space next to her,

Erestor: She stuffed the space next to her?

"you could sit down if you want."
He turned his head, "it is inappropriate for me sit next to you on a bed."



"Oh god!" She sighed, "you people are so dirty minded.

Ara: Oh, haha. And you’re not, I guess.

Just because a guy and a girl are friends, doesn't mean sitting on a bed will lead to sex."

Jareth: Huh. In your case, it will.

He made a shocked face, his jaw dropping, "you should not say such words. That is a very indecent subject to speak about."

Erestor: Finally! Someone who agrees with me!

"Yeah, yeah." She laughed, laying down on her back, "sex! Sex! Sex! I'll say it all I want. Everyone does it anyways."

Ara: Everyone? Who’s everyone? What the frick? Do you just do something because everyone else does it? You just talk about sex or whatever because everyone else does it? The hell? What the freaking—ARGGGHHH!
Jareth: *edges away*


Legolas grabbed a woodened chair,

Ara: Again! Again with the “woodened”! What the hell?! *is in full rant mode*

moving it closer to the bed. He then sat down, "why must you be so vulgar?"

Erestor: Because everyone else does it, remember?

"Because it's who I am." She answered truthfully, "you are so funny. Are all Elves this modest?"

Jareth: This is boring me to death. Anyone want to muck around with crystal balls?
Mae: Ooh . . . I always wanted to learn how to juggle!!
Ara: With Jareth’s crystal balls? Oh gods, that didn’t sound good.


"We are not modest, we are careful and wise." He said.

Erestor: Yes, wiser than any stupid little Sue will ever be.

She sat up, her eyes gazing at him curiously, "what was your childhood like? I've always wondered what it'd be like to be royalty."

Jareth: Random subject change.
Ara: That was subtle.


"Well." He paused, thinking of what to say, "my childhood felt very brief. Elves mature faster than children of Men.

All: Uh . . .
Erestor: Elves mature a lot slower than men . . .
Jareth: I’m seriously starting to doubt whether she knows anything about LotR apart from names and places.
Ara: She knows all about Leggy. I mean, doesn’t LotR centre around his doings, his hair, what’s in his belly button…


I remember always having duties, very serious duties. My father would put a great deal of responsibilities on my shoulders. He wanted me to become the best king when the time shall arrive. I was taught to be a warrior, and to constantly train. I recall being raised, always reminded of my title. The prince of Mirkwood. My father always wanted me to uphold that title with great dignity and pride. I have always tried to never disappoint him, I am not sure if it has worked though…"

Mae: Did anyone get that?
Ara: It can be summed up in few words. Nerk, thou pebble-headed nook, and eat up thy spaghetti.
Erestor: Where on Arda do you get these words from?
Ara: I pull them out of nowhere. Just like Suethors do with their plots.


"I never thought being a prince would be like that." Aurora said, "I'm sure you've impressed your father. I mean, look at you. You're a brilliant warrior and a polite person."

Mae: *snorts* Maybe the real Legolas was.
Ara: So…his father would be proud of him, because he is a polite person. What is with that?


"Thank you for the compliments my lady. You are very kind." He lowered his head at her in a grateful manner,

Erestor: How would you do that?
Ara: I honestly thought something horrible was coming up at the fact that he lowered his head.
Erestor: Normally, I would shut you up for making such a statement but the fact of the matter is that I did too.


"if I may ask, what was your childhood like?"

All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

"Umm…" She paused, "I grew up with my parents. My childhood was very basic I guess…When I was eight year's old everything changed though. My parents were doing bad things, so they were sent to prison.

All: Awwwwwwwww. Poor little Sue.

I was then sent to live with my grandma, which was a lot better than living with my parents. She was the greatest."

All: Ooooohh.
Ara: The greatest what? The greatest cow? The greatest packet of corn chips? The greatest graffiti artist?


Aurora reached for her necklace, touching it,

Ara: AAAAAGGGHHH! She’s groping the necklace!!
Erestor: Ara!


"anyways, about a year ago she passed away from an illness called pancreatic cancer.

All: *sniff*

After that, my parents both got out of prison. I was sent to live with them again, but I ended up being constantly shipped between my uncle and my parents.

All: *wipe away fake tears*
Jareth: “Shipped”? What, like on a floating transportation device?


My parents will get sick of me, so they'll send me to my uncle's. I hate it there, but I'll eventually get sent back to my parents." She finalized.

Mae: *snorts* I think we can tick ‘Tragic History’ off the list, sheesh. Oh, and appropriate use of tenses.
Ara: I want to know why she thinks that “finalised” is somehow an appropriate word. It seriously sounds like something my computer does.


Legolas was in disbelief of what he had just heard.

Jareth: *groans* Where’s Mac when we need Gertrude . . .
Ara: I wonder if I have an inner grammar Nazi—
All: NO!


How can anyone live within a world where things are so cruel?

Mae: Um, maybe it’s because they don’t have a choice?
Ara: *sigh* I feel for Legolas, I really do. The poor guy doesn’t see that he’s being roped in by this idiot and her sob stories.


I do not understand. I have never heard of such things.

Erestor: I’m sure he had.

He looked at her, then said, "I am very sorry my lady. I do not know what else to say, but I know that somehow you have become a very good personwhore."

Mae: Thanks Jareth :)
Jareth: *smirks and leans back in his seat*


"Thanks, but you don't have to lie to me."

Erestor: I thought she was a good whore though . . .

She smiled. Her and Legolas continued talking, ignoring the sky as it went more darker…

Mae: *twitches violently* ‘DARKER’!! NOT ‘MORE DARKER’!!!!

A/N: Please review!!!! If you're alerting, please review too.
All: NO!!
Ara: I’m off. Gotta spork with Feanor. *hugs Mae* Good luck with whatever else is coming up in this HorriFic, as Tel would call it. *disappears*
Mae: *mumbles* I’ma go get drunk . . . *stumbles to the bar and starts chugging Miruvodka and brain bleach*
Erestor: Bloody . . . freaking . . . hangover . . . night all *slams his door*
Jareth: :huh: *sighs and prepares himself for a long night of solitaire and babysitting a drunk mortal teenager*

If I promise not to kill you can I have a hug?

My favorite thing about eating gummy bears is that they don't fight back when bite their heads off

Teddies don't hug back, but sometimes they're all you have...

Joker: You know, there are three kinds of people in this world. The optomistic that find the glass half full, and the pessimistic that see it as half empty. Then there's the paranoid, and they just think someone's drinking out of their glass.

Corrigan: Huh, then which one are you?

Joker: I'm the one who knocks the glass over.
~ The Joker Blogs.
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Maevainwen Adaniel
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Master of the Rings
Chapter 4 – Horse Rides

Mae: *excitedly* I like horse rides! Once my Mum put 20 cents in a horse at the supermarket for me!
Everyone else: :blink:


A/N: Thanks for the reviews!!! They're so nice! Thanks.

Jareth: What about that review Mae sent her?
Erestor: Obviously that does not count as a review.


Aurora sat in the dining hall, watching as a bunch of Rohirrim's

Yoda: A type of banana, are they?

ate their breakfast. She picked at her food, not liking the breakfast stew

Jareth: It was stewed bananas!
Mae: Ewwwww :X


very much. She was tempted to go dump it on Gimli or Boromir.

Erestor: I thought she didn’t hate him?
Yoda: Mistaken, you apparently were.
Luthi: *pops in* No, he wasn't. Dumping food on someone is a sign of great affection in Aurora's society. *disappears*
Jareth: :huh: Hi Luthi . . . Bye Luthi . . .


Gimli dumped food on himself all the time anyways. That Dwarf needs a bib…

Mae: *angrily* What is it with these Suethors!! Read my lips PPD Dwarves. Are. Not. Cavemen.

She had been in Edoras for three days now, and they were yet to set out for Helm's Deep. She saw Gandalf leaving earlier in the morning, which meant that they would surely depart soon.

Erestor: Sure it did *snorts derisively*

"My lady." Legolas's voice rung in her ears, breaking her thoughts.

Yoda: She can think?!
Mae: *as thoughts* OWWWWW!!
Jareth: The thoughts shattered into a million tiny pieces instantly killing her. The end.


She looked across the table, seeing him sitting there. He looked beautiful and breathtaking as usual.

Yoda: take away her breath, the site did. And died of Asphyxiation, she did!
Jareth: The End. Can we have popcorn now?
Bob: NO!


"Hey." She gave him a small wave.

Erestor: Who brought the surf board?
Mae: How do you know about surf boards?
Erestor: I told you I discovered a wonderful invention, the Inter- Net
*Jareth and Mae look at each other and groan*
Yoda: Inter-Net?
Jareth: Trust me, Master Yoda. You don’t want to know.


It's not like he knows what waving is,

Erestor: He doesn’t know what surfing is either, Idiot sue!

you idiot…

Mae: No you idiot!
Yoda: Talking about herself, she was.
Mae: Oh, hehe.


"Why are you all by your lonesome?" He questioned.

Erestor: Lonesome? I thought they were all having their breakfast together?
Jareth: Also, why would he question her? It’s not like she was getting interrogated by the police!


"Because, I wanted to be." She said honestly, "everyone here is getting on my nerves.

Mae: Why does PPD keep insisting that Aurora is on her own when she isn’t.
Yoda: *as Aurora’s nerves* Off us get, all you people!


Yesterday I was dancing to a song in my head, and these Rohirrim girls were looking at me like I'm crazy.

Jareth: Ah well, truth hurts.

Gimli keeps annoying the hell out of me.

Mae: *Triumphantly* I knew you came from the void!

Man, I thought Middle-earth was going to be a vacation, but it's not." She laid her head

Erestor: Wouldn’t laying your head be a bit hard?

onto the table tiredly.

Erestor: Oh.

Legolas looked unsure of what to say, "please, lady Aurora. Do not be in such a mood.

All: Wha?
Luthi: *pops in again* Sometimes happens around that time of the month! :P *disappears again*


We shall be setting out to Helm's Deep tomorrow morning. Maybe excitement shall find you there."

All: :huh:
Jareth: I thought all those night time activities would have been exciting enough for her.
Yoda: Obviously not.//B]

"Yeah." She scoffed, "more like warg riding orcs."

Mae: *screams*
Yoda: *jumps* Mae?
Mae: *starts crying* Bad mental imagery . . . oh gods no . . .
Yoda: :O_O: See what you mean, I do *pats Mae sympathetically on the shoulder*
Ara: *winces* I’m sorry…my sick influence…


"I do not like to see you in such a terrible mood. Please, come with me." He held out his hand, "we shall find something to do together."

Jareth: oh I’m sure they will . . . they’ll find a nice secluded little corner and- OUCH! *gets wacked by Erestor* OI! You were so much more fun when you were drunk . . .

She suddenly stood up, "you know what. Everything's fine Legolas, a fun idea just popped into my head." She walked away, finding herself heading to the stables.

Jareth: She found herself?! There’s two of them now?!
Mae: *reaches for a barf bag* Not more horse lusting . . . please no more horse lusting . . . :X
Yoda: Horse Lusting? *looks sick*



Jareth: *sings* The Long and winding road. . .

Aurora's horse trotted her towards the huge gates of Rohan.

Yoda: An interesting image, that gives . . .

She knew that there would be a battle tomorrow so she was going to teach herself how to properly ride a horse.

Luthi: *appears again* In one day? ¡Ella esta loca!

"Yeah, Al Bundy."

Mae: Oh. My. Gods. Did she just call the HORSE Al Bundy?!?!?
Yoda: She did.
Mae: Erestor? Please tell me she didn’t . . .
Erestor: *sighs* No Mae, she didn’t call the horse Al Bundy.
Mae: *smacks Erestor upside the head* Don’t lie, it’s bad.
Erestor: :blink: Uh . . . you told me to lie
Mae: Well? You should know better :immature:
Jareth: She’s in a bad mood today . . . just ignore her.
Mae: *gives Jareth the Dagger Stare Of Doom™*


She named her horse, "you better listen to me today. We're going to be having lots of fun."

Mae: *opens her mouth*
Erestor: *glares*
Mae: *shuts her mouth*
Yoda: :huh:
Ara: *has no intention of keeping her mouth shut until she is interrupted*
Jareth: And where the hell did you come from?
Ara: *cryptically* I am everywhere.
Jareth: *rolls his eyes*


She awaited the gates to open patiently,

Luthi: *pops in again* As opposed to opening impatiently? Since when does Edoras have sentient gates?

giving her horse a pat. Some citizens of Edoras watched her closely, finding her so unusual.

Luthi: *as random citizen* Wow- look at that. Did it escape from a travelling circus?
Mae: *as another random citizen* Yeah- it must be that new addition to the House of Freaks.


Aurora noticed, not liking how they gawked at her.
"I swear,

Luthi: Tsk, tsk. Ladies don't swear, Aurora.
Jareth: Ah, but she ain’t a lady.


everyone has a staring problem here." She nearly shouted, "maybe I should give them something to stare at."

Jareth: I thought that last time you tried to flash in Rohan you were arrested?
Mae: Maybe she finds dungeons and chains conducive to her nightly activities :shrugs:
Yoda: Thank you for that image, I do not.
Mae: *beams* Y’welcome, Master!


A galloping of a horse was suddenly audible from afar.

Luthi: Shouldn't that say, "The rapid ambulation of an equine mount was suddenly audible from afar"?

She turned her head to see Legolas riding a white horse, the horse galloping on the narrow paths of Edoras. The horse halted as it stood by her horse.

Erestor: Do you think they had horses?
Yoda: No. Flying X-Wings, they were
Mae: *picks up a random phone* Hello? Department of Redundancies Department?


The Rohirrim now watched more closely, suddenly interested. It wasn't everyday you would see a strange mortal girl, accompanied by an Elf man.

Mae: *twitches* Elf man . . . ELF MAN!! WHAT IN FREAKING HELL IS SHE GOING ON ABOUT!!

"What are you doing?" She asked, a demanding tone filling her voice.

Luthi: *as voice* I've been so empty all these years...

"No lady shall ride alone. I am accompanying you. They are many great dangers beyond the gates." He explained.

Erestor: The PPC, those horrid wargs and Uruk-Hais . . .
Mae: *twitches again*


"I can take care of myself." She retaliated, "I have a sword,"

Jareth: *eyebrows* Oh we know you do.

she lifted a small pouch that was strapped onto the horse, revealing a sword. She had gotten it from a weaponry room she had found yesterday. Aurora could maneuver

Yoda: *spells* M – A – N – O – E – U – V – R – E. *sighs*
Luthi: It's the American spelling coming through, Master Yoda.


it decently. She had taken a few fencing lessons a few months ago. It was apart of a school project she had been doing.

Erestor: *sighs* Of course it was.
Ara: What the hell? Fencing and using real swords are two very different things, PPD! *beat* Although Aurora should have LOTS of experience with swords…
Erestor: ARA!
Ara: What?


The sword she was use to using was a lot lighter than the one she was stuck with now, which would make it difficult to readjust.
"I am still coming." He stubbornly said.
"Fine." She rolled her eyes, "just ruin my morning Legolas. I wanted to be alone."

Mae: *indignantly* What’s up her ass?
Jareth: *opens his mouth*
Erestor: Jareth . . .
Jareth: *pouts*


The gates suddenly opened, granting them entrance into the grasslands of Edoras.
"Stay behind me." She told him, "I want to pretend that you're not here."

Erestor: What is her problem?
Mae: She’s a sue, dear.
Erestor: *raises an eyebrow* Dear?
Mae: *grins*
Jareth: Patronising, much?


She rode ahead, enjoying the sight of the beautiful field. Legolas listened, riding behind her. A great distance separated them.

Luthi: Both literally and figuratively.

She turned her head, not believing that he was actually listening.

Yoda: A prince, he is. Therefore gentlemanly, he will be.

This Elf is unbelievable, I can't believe him.

Ara: And don’t forget, unbelievable was the Elf.
Erestor: Are there any more combinations of those words that we could use?
Ara: We could, but they’d make about as much sense as “bloogh mumph blagh.”


Aurora felt guilty now. I'm so mean to him, but all he's doing is being nice…

Jareth: He’s a Gentleman, of course he’s gonna be nice *is getting annoyed*

She turned her head to take another fast glance at him.

Ara: I didn’t think glances could be anything but fast.

Aurora rolled her eyes, calling to him, "Legolas! Get over here!"

Luthi: *as Aurora* Here, boy! *whistles* Come here! *beat* :rolleyes:

Her horse stopped as she waited for him. His horse galloped, arriving rather fast.

Mae: Noo, you don’t say!

"What is it my lady?" He asked concernedly.
"I…" She attempted to apologize, "I'm sorry. I'm being such a butt. You can ride next to me, okay."

Jareth: *snorts* As if he needs your permission, bitch. *takes closer look at words* Ara?
Erestor: Oh, gods.
Ara: *grins*
Mae: *giggles*
Yoda: *sighs* So mature, you are


He smirked, "thank you my lady. I enjoy your presence much more than the loneliness when I am riding behind you."

Mae: Oh gods *retches*

"Why do you have to be so nice?" She asked, "I just made you ride behind me, but you're still being nice."
The daylight shun

Luthi: It what?

onto Legolas's golden hair, causing him to appear more radiant in the sunlight. Aurora stared at him admirably, finding herself wanting to touch his hair.

Luthi: *as Aurora* We must have the precious!
Ara: She did a good job of staring at him? Wow.
Mae: My shiny!! :hmm?:


"I know that you did not mean what you had said. That is why I am not angry." He explained.
Her stomach filled with slight butterflies

Mae’s Dad: *pops in* What? They were just little butterflies? Oh! And then she imploded. *pops out*
Mae: :O_O: *chokes on her coffee* What . . how . . . but . . .
Bob: I wanted to give him an honory appearance :nod:
Mae: O-kay . . . . . . . . .


as Legolas came closer to her.
"Let's ride." She nervously croaked.

Luthi: *chokes on her soda* In broad daylight?

"I shall help you accomplish a better understanding of riding." He said,

Luthi: *chokes again*
Ara: Sick connotations aside, I’m just wondering why PPD thinks that jamming every long word she knows into a sentence will make her look more intelligent.


galloping a few feet ahead. She caught up with him, barely able to control her horse.

Jareth: *sprays coffee over the screen* :rofl:

"Grab the reins." Legolas instructed, watching as she struggled with it.
"I am, it's not working." She struggled with her horse, ready to give up.
Legolas rode closer to her, reaching for the reins. At that same moment, Aurora had reached for the reins. She grabbed the reins, finally controlling the horse. Legolas did not stop his hand in time, accidentally touching her hand. His body froze;

Luthi: Sent into a state of shock after coming in direct physical contact with a Sue.
Mae: *sighs and starts headdesking*
Yoda: Meant to be a romantic moment, was that?


his hand freezing on top of hers. Aurora's huge eyes became even wider as her stomach filled with fluttering butterflies.

Luthi: She probably shouldn't have eaten all those caterpillars the night before.

Legolas's cheeks slightly reddened as his stomach inflated with uncontrollable knots.

Ara: What the hell does that mean?

He couldn't believe how nervous he felt. After two-thousand years of being around Elven women, mortal women, many women,

Mae: I didn’t know he was a womaniser . . .

he had never felt a woman's touch to have such a great affect on him.

Luthi: It made him want to run away, throw up, and take a nice, hot shower.

He slowly drew his hand away, awkwardly turning his head away. She looked ahead, not wanting to look at him.
"Umm…" She awkwardly broke the silence,

Mae: :o the poor silence! What did it ever do to her!!
Jareth: *sighs*
Erestor: They seem to do a lot of things awkwardly, don’t they?


"let's go."
"Yes, my lady." He nodded his head as they both galloped away, trying to forget what had just happened.

Yoda: Forgetting what has just happened here, I will soon be.

 
Jareth: *is flipping through the songs on Mae’s iPod* Ah! *raps*
But I do know one thing though, bitches, they come they go
Saturday through Sunday, Monday, Monday through Sunday yo'
Maybe I'll love you one day, maybe we'll someday grow
Till then just sit your drunk ass on that fuckin' runway ho'...

Mae: *cracks up*
Yoda: Um . . .
Jareth: Sorry . . . I was just thinking about how much of a bitch Aurora is . . .


Hours later, the afternoon light hit their backs,

Luthi: *as backs* OW!! What was that for?

as they now stood on a looming hill, looking out into the grasslands. Legolas had taught her how to ride properly. Teaching her simple maneuvers that all horses went by.

Luthi: SENTENCE FRAGMENT!!
Others: :huh:
Luthi: Oh... you guys don't do that?


The horse riding was becoming so much easier for her now.
"Thanks so much." She said appreciatively, "I would've been a retard on a horse if you wouldn't have taught me."

Luthi: I'm pretty sure she still is.

"It is no problem." He gave her a gentle smile. A small breeze passed through the hill,

Ara: Wow. That hill must be pretty much non-existent if a breeze can pass through it.

causing her hair to sway with the wind.
"Why can't guys be as nice as you in my world?" She wondered, "they're all jerks. Well, they're Men, but even the Men here are more decent."

Mae: *glares* I happen to know some very nice guys from my world. They’re not jerks in the least. Just because you come from some freaking place where everyone is happy and indecent and it’s all toxic and every guy is a jerk. . .
Yoda: Ok you will be, Mae *pats her on the back*
Mae: *bursts into tears*
Jareth: :unsure: *huggles Mae*


"Not all Men can be so trustworthy." He warned, "not even all Elves."
"I guess it's a good thing I found myself a good Elf here." She patted him on the shoulder, chuckling.

Erestor: *grinds his teeth* talk about patronising.

He stared out into the horizon, finding it beautiful.

Luthi: Compared to Aurora, anything would be beautiful.

It had felt so long since he felt at peace. The war of the ring may have been going on still, but for now, he felt at peace.
"I'm getting off." Aurora announced, trying to slide off her horse. I wish I was taller, it's not fair.

Luthi: Oh, cry me a river.

Legolas slid off his horse first, approaching her.
"May I assist you lady Aurora?" He offered, holding out his hands.
"No." She resisted his help, "I got it." Aurora felt her body slide down roughly, as she was about to practically fall down.

Jareth: uh . . . anyone understand that?
All: . . . . . No?


Legolas was there in less than a second, holding onto her shoulders.
"Now you're seeing my clumsy side." She giggled softly.
"It is alright my lady." He spoke softly, letting go of her shoulders. She stood there awkwardly, feeling like the biggest idiot ever.

Luthi: Newsflash! She is.
Ara: Thank you Luthi.


"So.." Aurora said, reaching for her horse and pulling out the sword that was strapped to it, "how good are you with swords?"

Ara: Aurora, you should definitely know how good Legolas is with swords…I mean, you and he engaged in a lot of swordplay—OW!
Erestor: *puts beer bottle down*
Jareth: OI! Why hit her?
Erestor: Because she is being sick!
Ara: :wacko:
Jareth: *glares at Erestor and pats Ara on the back*


"I am a decent swordsman, but I am a better archer." He admitted.
"That's cool." She held the sword, concentrating on practicing what she recalled.
"Are you a shield maiden?" He wondered curiously, as she swung the sword skillfully.

Yoda: Not Skilfully? *beat* How do you do something skilfully?
Mae: No idea, Master. . . /B]

"Sort of." Aurora smirked, "it's not like I ever actually killed with a sword yet though."
He watched her, seeing that her arm struggled to wield the big sword. She never used a sword this big before.

Luthi: :facepalm:
Ara: PLOT HOLE!!


Legolas suddenly pulled out his blade,

Ara: I’m not saying anything…

swinging it until it collided with Aurora's sword.

Mae: WOAH!!!! Moving a bit fast there, aren’t we?
Jareth: *sniggers*
Ara: Plot development: Aurora is a male.


"Oh, you want to duel pretty boy, let's go." She challenged him. He was taken aback, shocked from her

Luthi: Rude speech. Or high static charge.

will to battle.
"Alright, then we shall battle." He smirked mischievously.

Erestor: Does Legolas have nothing better to do than to go around teaching annoying teenage girls how to use a sword—which she apparently can already do according to her first chapter—in the middle of a Valar-damned war?

Aurora attacked him first, swinging her sword fiercely.

Ara: And landing on her arse.

Legolas moved backwards as she constantly stepped forward in an attempt to get him. He was surprised at how persistent she was, not stopping at all.

Mae: She’s just horny.
Ara: *snerk*


His blade kept colliding with hers as he skillfully dodged her attacks. Her face contorted into a wild expression as she constantly aimed at him.

Jareth: *bursts out laughing* That must have been the most retarded looking battle EVER!!! :lol:

"Come on, aren't you going to attack me!" She said excitedly.

Luthi: And Legolas immediately decapitated her. The End.
Mae: Popcorn? *puppy eyes*
Bob: For the last time. NO!
All: Awwwwww :(
Ara: HEY! I created you, Jacques-Robert le Balrog de Morgoth!
Bob: Erm…
Ara: Popcorn. Now.
Bob: *scuttles off to get popcorn*
Erestor: Since when is Ara scary?
Ara: Since I reminded our Balrog that I invented him in one of my parodies. :D


He moved forward, bringing his blade quickly towards her arm. Aurora quickly dodged it, moving towards her left. He was taken aback once again, but this time it was because of her quickness. He rarely met mortals who were so quick. Most were clumsy and slow.

Jareth: She’s a bloody Sue. Of course she’s better than other mortals.

"You are quick." He spoke as he breathed ligthly.

Yoda: Breathed in an ungrammatical manner, he did.

"And you are." She paused, "too skilled at this."

Mae: ‘Rora, he HAS had 2000 years of swordplay experience behind him . . . OWWW
Erestor: *whacks Mae* That’s for your sick mind.
Mae: *glares*


She continued trying to battle with him, even though she knew that he would have her easily beat. It's my few months of fencing lessons against his two-thousand years of experience. We all know who's going to win.

Ara: Then stop acting like you know everything, you idiot.

"You are very persistent my lady." He commented.

Erestor: ‘Lady’? Elves did not randomly bestow noble titles on stupid teenagers.

"Shut up and let me concentrate!" She shouted at him.

Mae: Aggressive much!
Ara: I can just imagine what would happen if she’d told a Prince to shut up…in front of the King…*relishes thoughts of messy decapitation*


Aurora became too aggressive,

Ara: *nearly falls off chair* Geez! Mae, she read your mind! That’s freaking scary!
Jareth:


letting her sword swing unskillfully now.

Ara: And…why is she doing that?
Mae: She keeps spelling ‘unskilfully’ wrong!
Ara: Probably American spelling, but still.
Erestor: Can someone please explain to me why Araloth, Luthi and Daisy are even here?
Ara: No.


Legolas abruptly clashed his blade onto her sword, bringing her sword down onto the ground.

Yoda: Dodgy connotations, that could have.
Erestor: *groans* You too? You are supposed to be a revered Jedi Master! *beat* Whatever that is.
Yoda: Without a few sick jokes, crappy, life is.
Mae: I like you, Master Yoda. *grins*
Yoda: :blink:


Aurora suddenly came up with a brilliant idea,

Ara: Comma! My comma!
Jareth: What the hell is with you and your commas?


"Legolas stop."

Ara: *sadly* I don’t have a comma anymore.
Erestor: And why is that, young lady?
Ara: I have to insert the comma in that two-word sentence. Which, by the way, PPD or whatever her name is now managed to stuff up.


She halted, making a sullenly face,

Jareth: Well, that’s completely grammatical.

"my neck, it really hurts." She grabbed her neck, rubbing it.

Mae: Until Legolas decided to help her and chopped off her head.
Ara: She’ll really have a sore neck then.
Erestor: I should like to know how she managed to gain a neck injury from duelling. :huh:


He became concerned, feeling as though it was his fault, "I am deeply sorry. I should not have dueled you."

Jareth: He shouldn’t be feeling sorry for her! He’s under this horrible girl’s spell!

He approached her, letting his guard down completely.

Luthi: Um, maybe because she asked him to stop?
Ara: And what kind of strategy was that, anyway? I bet if you said the same thing to an Uruk he’d have no hesitation in chopping your head off.


Legolas put a hand on her neck, touching her supposed sore area.

"I must take a look." He said, lightly touching her neck. She nervously flickered

Ara: Just like a candle. *beat* Maybe we could torch her so that she’d burn like one too. :D

as she slowly brought her sword closer to herself. His touch felt tingly, it felt too desirable for her.

Ara: Oh, that’s just disgusting.
Jareth: I agree.


Aurora ignored those feelings within her, suddenly pulling her sword up. She held the tip of the sword to Legolas's neck. His mouth hung slightly open,

Mae: And queue the lemon . . . :X *grabs a barf bag*
Jareth: Ye gods. *goes green* Thanks Mae . . .
Mae: Sorry *retches*


shocked.

Ara: So his mouth was shocked. What the hell.

"So…" She smiled, "you may be better than me, but I don't know if smarter."

Ara: Smarter than Legolas?! You stupid little @#(*&^^&%()&^&@! That ungrammatical sentence says everything about your intelligence! *throws something at the screen*
Jareth: No! Not the beer!


She paused, as he stayed silent,

Ara: I have another comma again! *is happy again*
Mae: *squees* Nawwww, such a cute little comma!
*Everyone else edges away nervously as they squee over punctuation*


"every swordsman knows to not let an opponent distract you, no matter what."

Ara: And every good writer should know that sentences start with a capital letter, you twit.

"But you were hurt." He muttered in disbelief.

Yoda: This gullible, he is not.
Mae: Sure he is! This is a freaking Suefic!


"It's called acting Legolas.

Ara: And I lost the comma again. *sigh*

I pretended to be injured so you would let your guard down." Aurora pulled her sword back triumphantly, "and, my plan worked perfectly."

Erestor: Legolas would know better than to be defeated by a stupid little wench.
Mae: Bint.
Ara: Twit.
Mae: Bint.
Ara: Twit.
Mae: Twint.
Ara: Bit.
Jareth: Sheesh.
Ara: What?


"You have outsmarted me." Legolas stared at the ground, "you are truly wise lady Aurora."

Luthi: :blink: Please tell me he's being sarcastic.
Erestor: *brightly* He was being sarcastic.
Ara: Wise?! My oesophageal lining is smarter than she is! What a little - *goes into fit of uncharacteristic swearing which has been censored for the protection of your auditory system*


"Yeah, yeah. I know."

Luthi: Arrogant cow.

She smiled, strapping her sword back onto her horse.

Jareth: *blink* She has a detachable sword?!
Ara: *giggles. Then stops and looks grumpy*


"You managed to distract me."
"Well, that was my goal." She approached him, giving his shoulder a light pat, "it's alright. Don't be mad that you got beat by a girl. But not only a girl, a mortal human girl." Aurora rubbed it in his face.

Mae: *bursts into tears* Mortal human . . . AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!
Ara: *miserably pats Mae on the back* Department of bloody Redundancies Department? *sniffles*
Erestor: Good Lord. Bad fanfiction really does make people cry.


He suddenly looked at her,

Ara: COMMA!
Yoda: *sighs* Excited, you should not get. Of that comma, you may be robbed.
Ara: Dammit.


"you did not beat me, you only distracted me."

Erestor: Just as the Suethor was probably distracted by her fantasising enough not to remember to put a capital letter at the start of her sentence.

"But it still worked."

Jareth: For reasons that do not make sense in any shape or form.

"But you did not beat me in our actual duel." He stated, feeling his competitive side whirl up in him.

Mae: What, did it get shoved in a blender?

"But I would've if it were real." She smiled, "just face defeat Legolas."

Mae: *flatly* Defeat, this is Legolas…Legolas, this is defeat. *sighs*
Ara: Legolas, just disembowel her, okay? She’s really pissing me off.
Jareth: *dreamily* Then you can dismember her and decapitate her and break all her fingers and toes and-
Erestor: :X Shut. Up.


"You would have not---"

Ara: Geez, how many dashes does she need?

He suddenly stopped speaking in mid sentence, becoming silent. He could hear footsteps from afar. He could feel a dangerous presence approaching.

Ara: He did this. He did that.

Aurora stayed silent, watching as Legolas's expression constricted to worry.

Erestor: *pulls out a thesaurus and researches the meaning of the word ‘Constricted’* Tense…knotted…taut…rigid…stiff…What in the name of Eru is she trying to say?!?
Ara: That his face wasn’t the only part of him that was rigid and stiff? OW! Erestor!


"What's wrong?" She questioned.

Jareth: What’s wrong, my dear Sue, is that there is a bloody war raging in Middle-Earth.

"We must flee." His blue eyes filled with fear,

Ara: MY COMMA!

"they are approaching. A small Uruk-hai army is approaching."

Mae: Department of redundancies department, please?

"Then let's battle them." Aurora said.

Ara: As bloody if! *snorts*

"No, they are far too many for us to handle. It may be a small army, but they surely outnumber us immensely."

Ara: Someone oughta tell PPD that a thesaurus isn’t for pulling random words out of just to make your writing sound better. “Hey, immensely is a cool word. Don’t know what the frick it means but it sounds cool.” *bangs head on chair in front of her repeatedly*
Yoda: *winces* Hurt badly, that must . . .
Ara: *dramatically* It’s better than the pain that the mangling of the English language bringeth upon me.


He sprinted to his horse, jumping onto it fast. Aurora hopped onto her horse,

Mae: Heyy! It’s Rabbit!Sue

actually not struggling to get on it for once.
"Ride ahead." He instructed,

Ara: MY –
Everyone: Ara! Shut up!
Ara: *sulks*


"I shall stay behind you, make sure the path will stay clear for us."

Erestor: Uh . . . Can someone explain that to me?
Mae: *cheerfully*Nope! Sorry.
Ara: I’ll translate it! Roughly, it has the approximate meaning of, “Have thyself a bloogy malloogy Christmas, thou jiggulous butt.”
Jareth: :huh: Lovely . . . I think . . .


She listened, riding ahead towards Edoras. The wind blew into her face, causing her jet-black hair to fly up rapidly.

Luthi: Thus revealing that she was wearing a wig.

Her stomach became filled with anxiety.

Ara: Hope the digestive juices don’t destroy it.

Anxiety concerning Legolas's well- being, and the well-being of the situation.

Ara: I’m sure the situation doesn’t give a flying frick about its well-being.

Hopefully everything will be okay. She turned her head slightly to see Legolas racing in the distance behind her.

Yoda: Hope I do, that the race, Legolas wins.

Her eyes squinted as a flock of warg riding Uruk-hai

Mae: *screams again* I don’t know if I can handle any more of this! *sniffles*
Ara: *pats Mae on the shoulder* I just wanna know something: are Uruk-hai riding the wargs, or the wargs riding the Uruk-hai?
Mae: *goes green* Thanks Ara :X
Ara: You’re welcome!


enveloped the area.

Jareth: Hey! They should post it to Moist Von Lipwig! I’m sure he’ll deal with the letter!

The danger had come.

Mae and Ara: Along with the PPC!
Jareth: I find it somewhat frightening that you two can read each other’s minds.
*Mae and Ara grin freakily at him*


"I can't leave him." She whispered to herself. With a sudden desperation filled in her,

Jareth: She threw herself on the elf’s- OWWW
Erestor: *whacks Jareth with an empty coke can*


she stopped her horse, turning it around. Aurora reached for her sword, pulling it out of the strap.

Yoda: A scabbard, I think she means.

I have to make sure he's okay. Her horse galloped towards Legolas. He continuously killed Uruk-hai as he knotted arrows into his bow, shooting them.

Luthi: Really? That is one talented horse.
Mae: Knotted Arrows?!? *cracks up*


Wargs ran around wildly as their commanders fell off them, dead.

Yoda: *deadpan* Riveting action, this is.

Aurora went by a warg, stabbing it in the head. A sound of pain came out of its mouth as it collapsed onto the ground.

Ara: Can I just interject here and say something blunt?
Erestor: If you must.
Ara: This is one of the shittiest pieces of writing I have ever had the misfortune to come across. Badly-written, agrammatical, bursting with purple prose and crap characterisation…just…ARGH! *throws Coke can at screen in frustration and then starts running around the cinema ranting madly*
Mae: Woah . . . *grabs Ara and stuffs chocolate in her mouth*
Ara: Mmm…mint…
Jareth: Let me get this straight. She killed an Uruk by stabbing it in the head with a sword? How the fuck does that work?


Legolas noticed her. His eyes expressing disapproval,

Ara: *with chocolate in her mouth* She-ence f’agment! An’ MY CO’A!
Jareth: Meaning?
Ara: *finishes eating at a leisurely pace and turns calmly to Jareth* Sentence fragment. And MY COMMA! *shrieks*


"you must go Aurora!"

Erestor: To Udun, preferably.

She turned her head, not believing that he called her Aurora.

Luthi: He didn't- his eyes did.

It wasn't lady Aurora, it was just Aurora.

Erestor: ‘Lady’ is a noble title, PPD. Lady Arwen was a noble Elf-maiden. Lady Éowyn was a princess. Lady Galadriel was a Queen. Aurora is a WHORE! *starts throwing whatever he can find at the screen and swearing in Elvish*
Ara: Hey! My chocolate!


He had never called her by just her name before.

Jareth: I wonder what he did call her?
Mae: *is thinking of ‘Celebrian’* There’s lots of things he could have called her *nods*
Erestor: And you are NOT going to repeat any of them, are you?
Mae: . . . . . .
Erestor: *scary Elf!Lord glare*
Mae: No…?


A large Uruk-hai abruptly approached them both,

Ara: Without making an appointment?

holding onto a bow and arrow.

Mae: Kinda like a security blanket?

The other Uruk-hai's blocked it, acting as their leader's shield.
"We have to get the leader."

Jareth: *sighs* No shit, Sherlock.

She said to him as she stabbed a

Yoda: An ‘an’, that should be.

Uruk-hai, who had fallen off its warg, in it's chest.

Mae: Did anyone understand that?
*crickets chirp*
Mae: *cries*


Legolas's eyes searched the many Uruk-hai, trying to get a perfect shot at the leader. He held onto his arrow within the bow,

Jareth: *pulls out a random bow and quiver and tries to hold onto an arrow within the bow* Nope, doesn’t work. *sighs and aims the arrow at Aurora’s name*
Bob: If you shoot that arrow, my dear Fae, you can spork one of the many LotR/Twilight fics on FFN.
Jareth: *glares and puts the arrow away*


waiting until he found the perfect shot.

Mae: *as Legolas* She’s just within range . . . :evil:

Several Uruk-hai approached though, providing a distraction for Legolas. He shot them rapidly, pulling out arrows out of his quiver to take care of the next dosage of Uruk-hai.

Luthi: Two Uruks every four hours.

Aurora maneuvered her horse, riding it towards the smaller side of the crowded Uruk-hai.

*Everyone falls asleep*

She mapped out a small opening into the crowd, which led towards the leader. Her sword stabbed several Uruk-hai, even causing wargs to crash into each other. The leader was in complete view, unguarded. A warg darted out of nowhere, biting at her horse's leg though, preventing her from killing the leader. The horse neighed as it struggled against the ferocious warg.
Legolas rode by her, "we must flee!"
"Al Bundy!" She screamed her horse's name, stabbing the warg who held her horse so viciously, several times. It would not let go though, holding on as though it was a pit bull.
Legolas saw the horse, and knew that it would not make it out alive. He reached an arm towards Aurora's shoulder, pulling her to his horse.
"What are you doing?" She asked hastily.
"You must ride with me. Your horse can not survive such a thing." He quickly explained. She cooperated, sliding towards his horse. She now sat in front of him, feeling a sadness resonate in her. My horse….Legolas turned the horse around, heading towards Edoras. Warg's chased viciously, but could not match the speed of his horse.
"They're chasing us!" Aurora kept turning her head frantically, watching as they neared. Legolas began to chant Elvish hurriedly. The horse plunged forward, riding faster.
"We're losing them." She said, watching as they fell behind. Lost in the heaps of the grasslands. The horse still rode fast, causing the wind to rush into their faces. It clouded her ears, making her feel slightly deaf. Aurora couldn't help but feel guilty. It was her idea to go ride out of the gates. How could I be so naïve? I know the story; I know that everywhere is pretty much dangerous. But yet, I let my overconfident impulsive self take control.
"Do not think it is your fault." Legolas suddenly said. It was like he was reading her mind.
"It is though." She nearly shouted out of frustration. Legolas silently nodded his head, understanding that her emotions were overwhelming. She was a human after all.
He changed the subject, reflecting on how she hadn't went on with her horse when he had told her to, "why did you turn back when I had told you to ride ahead?"
"Because." She slightly turned her head, seeing some of his face, "we're comrades, well sort of….I couldn't leave you. It's not right."
"Please." He spoke gently, "if this is to ever occur again, I wish you to leave me. I do not wish for you to fight, unless you must."
"Legolas." She wined childishly, "I won't leave anyone. I don't care how much you wish for me to leave, I won't."
He understood her emotions once again, deciding to stay silent instead of disagree with her. They rode on, heading to Edoras.

Bob: *yells* OI! WAKE UP!!
All: What. The. Frick?

 
Jareth: Where has my muse gone to?!? I can’t think of any songs!!

The sun began to set as Aurora sat on the white placid steps

Yoda: Placid steps?
Erestor: *sarcastically* They weren’t like the vicious ones in the Golden Halls that open up and swallow random people whole.


that led into the dining hall. Middle-earth sunsets looked even more beautiful than the sun-sets she was used to. She took in a deep breath, silently feeling overwhelmed. Tomorrow would be another warg battle, but a much bigger one. I'm already tired of wargs and Uruk-hai's.

Mae: *screams and wipes the blood from her eyes*
Yoda: :blink:


She watched as several Rohirrim men passed by her. They smiled at her, nodding their heads toward her. Aurora looked away, not knowing if their smiles were out of kindest or inappropriateness.

Jareth: *scowls* Why does she think that everyone lusts after her?
Erestor: She is a sue?
Jareth: *slams his head on the chair in front of him*


She turned her head as she heard footsteps come up from behind her. Gimli stood there, making a grumpy face at her. Aurora returned the scowl.
"What is it lad? Why are you looking at me in such a way?" Gimli asked.

Yoda: Why call her ‘Lad’, when a girl she is?
Mae: Obviously because a girl, she isn’t
Yoda: <_< Mocking my speech, you are.
Mae: No!! Mocking it, I’m not . . . oh dammit :A


"Because you're giving me dirty looks." She nearly laughed.

Jareth: You’d think she would be a bit freaked if Gimli was giving her dirty looks . . .
Erestor: Ah, but she is a woman of rather loose morals.
Jareth: Yeah, but he’s a hairy dwarf.
Mae: *glares* Are you bagging Gimli?
Jareth: . . . no?


"You are very strange lady Aurora." Gimli muttered as he walked away. She sat in silence, wondering why so many of the Rohirrim's

Mae: *Screams and headchairs* It’s. Not. Rohirrim’s!! ARGH!!

were constantly looking at her. This whole staring problem thing is really starting to bother me. I don't know what they're looking at. I'm not that exciting to look at.

Luthi: And yet another moment goes by without Aurora noticing the enormous zit on the tip of her nose.

"Lady Aurora." A woman's voice interrupted her thoughts. She looked up to see Eowyn hovering over her.

Jareth: *deadpan* Until her jetpack ran out of battery.

"Hey Eowyn." She greeted her kindly.

Erestor: Uh . . . who greeted who?

"You have not looked so well today.

Luthi: This is different than other days how?

I have been concerned." Eowyn sat down next to her, studying Aurora curiously.

Yoda: *As Éowyn* Wonder, I do, when kill her, that knife in her back will . . .

"The day started out ok, but it went bad when Legolas and I were attacked by warg riding Uruk-hai."

Mae: *shudders again* :X

She explained as she swept an annoying piece of hair out of her face.
"Oh my." Eowyn shook her head, "it is lucky that we are moving out to Helm's Deep tomorrow…"

Yoda: It is?
Jareth: I thought ‘Rora knew what was happening, wouldn’t she warn Théoden about Saruman’s army?
Erestor: No she wouldn’t.
Jareth: True . . .


They both fell silent as Eowyn curiously observed her. She wondered if it would be decent to ask the question that kept pondering her mind. It was pondering most Rohirrim's minds.

Mae: *As Éowyn* Um ‘Rora? Just a question . . . are you really a guy?
Jareth: *As Aurora* OMFG! How could you, lyk, tell!!
Mae: *As Éowyn* Well the fact that you have a sword is a pretty good indication . . .
Jareth: *As Aurora* Oh, hehe.


"Lady Aurora." She broke the silence, "would it be alright if I asked a question that might not be so appropriate?"
"Sure." Aurora laughed, "in my world, everything's inappropriate anyways."

Mae: *yells* NO IT’S NOT!!! JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE A [Censored for your mental protection] DOESN’T MEAN THAT . . . MMMMMMMMMMPHHHHH!!!!! *Erestor gags her*
Erestor: I am shocked, young lady!
Mae: *puppy eyes* Mmph?
Erestor: No.
Mae: :(


Eowyn awkwardly stared, then muttered, "is it true that Elf is courting you?"

Luthi: *as 'Rora* Elf? I don't know anybody named Elf...

Aurora's eyes enlarged from surprise.

Yoda: Very awkward, that wording was.
Jareth: *grumbles* You don’t say . . .


She hesitated to speak, then suddenly laughed. Her and Legolas.

Jareth: *bored* Question mark.

As a couple? I can't believe these people,

Mae: Ooh! A spare comma!! I’ll send it to Ara’s collection!!
Erestor: *rolls his eyes* I don’t understand you mortal girls.
Mae: *grins* That’s why you love us!
Erestor: I do?
Mae: . . . . . Yes?
Erestor: *sighs and shakes his head*
Mae: *face falls* I thought you liked me :(
Erestor: *sighs again* I do like you . . .
Mae: *grins and hugs him* Awwwww, I knew it!!
Erestor: <_<


man, this is hilarious. Legolas is just so serious; I don't know if I could ever be attracted to him….
Her face suddenly turned rigid, halting all laughter.

Jareth: Umm . . .

She thought of when they had accidentally touched hands earlier…
"Is it true then?" Eowyn pestered her, "or are you betrothed to him?"
"No way." Aurora shook her head, "I could never marry Legolas.

Luthi: *as 'Rora* I'd have to give up my slutty ways. However, other things are not out of the question...

He is way too serious. And so not my type…" An image of his beautiful face popped into her mind, and she knew that wasn't true.

Mae: *gasps* LIER!!

Legolas was her type. He was tall, lean, extraordinarily beautiful, kind, and a warrior…

Yoda: Sound like S. Meyers description of Edward, that vaguely does.
Jareth: You’ve read Twilight?
Yoda: . . . No?


"So many Rohirrim's

Mae: *headchairs violently*

have been curious." She informed her, "it is not everyday that an Elf and human are rumored to be courted. It is even more unusual when it is an Elf man and mortal woman."

Luthi: Uh, try never. Tolkien is probably spinning in his grave.

"You know." Aurora laughed, "Legolas is old enough to be my great, great, great, great…..a really old ancestor. He probably has bad hips."

Mae: Uh . . . does this girl know nothing about elves?!? Legolas may be 2000 years old, but that doesn’t mean he’s-
Erestor: Mae . . . she was joking . . .
Mae: Oh :wasntme:


She attempted to humor the situation.
"But the Elves age differently." Eowyn said.

Jareth: Wow . . . Éowyn’s smart . . .

"I know, but the thought is still weird. "
They continued talking as the sun set, darkness enveloping Edoras now.
 
Jareth: *bored* I need to find some more songs . . .
Mae: Do you have to sing about lines?
Jareth: Yes :immature:
Mae: *Facepalms*


Aurora shifted tiredly as she turned in her sleep.

Mae: *sighs* Thou shittest me not.
Yoda: *raises an eyebrow*


Many different dreams of memories filled her head…

I sat on the white colored couch,

Erestor: Uh, you only needed to say ‘the white couch’.
Mae: But then it wouldn’t sound as "sophisticated"


watching as my parents constantly paced repeatedly in the living room.

Jareth: Uh . . .
Mae: *picks up the phone* Hello? Department of redundancies department? OI! BOB! WHEN ARE YOU FIXING THE CONNECTION? RECEPTION’S STILL REALLY BAD!!
Bob: *glares*
Yoda: *sighs and goes into meditation*


I had never really known my parents too well, which had made living with them so awkward.

Mae: Umm . . .

"What are we going to do?" My mother asked,

Jareth: *as the mother* My daughter is a sue, a boy and a horse crazy whore.
Erestor: *as the father* :tsktsk: I’m afraid we will have to call the PPC
Mae: *as Aurora* NOOOOO!!
Yoda: *as the PPC* Aurora. Under arrest, you are.


"my parole officer is coming to check on me in a week. We have to have all of the stuff gone."
I awkwardly crooked my head, wondering what the 'stuff' was. It sounded as though they were talking about drugs, and poorly hiding it from me.


Mae: I think you’d know if your parents were doing drugs, honey *beat* you are rather thick though, aren’t you?

"Hon." My father turned to her, "we can hide it out at my brother's house. We can also ship Aurora off there on the weekend."

Erestor: Oh! So they still live in the Bay of Belfalas.

I blinked twice, in disbelief that they acted as though I was only an item to ship away.

Yoda: Flatter yourself, do not, Aurora.

I stood up, walking away.

Mae: Well you do usually stand up to walk away . . .

"Aurora, where are you going?" My mother questioned.
"I'm going to my room." I answered as monotonous as I could.
"No you are not!" My mother suddenly became angry. I was used to enduring her constant mood swings though.


Jareth: Y’know, I can actually relate to that . . . Mae has awful mood swings.
Mae: OI!
Erestor: And what was the point of that, exactly?
Yoda: Know that, I do not.


"Mom." I tried to say, but she interrupted me.
"Sit down you ungrateful shit!"


Mae: Heyy, I like the mum!! Can we toast her? *chinks coffee cups with everyone*

She pointed a finger at me in a stern manner, as though I did something wrong.

Erestor: You exist. That’s what you are doing wrong.

I sat down cooperative.
My mother continued to rant on, "you ruined our lives! You ruin everything. Your uncle doesn't even like you around, nobody likes you around."


Jareth: *yawns* Can you blame them? I don’t like you around either.

I tried to block out her words, pretend I was somewhere else.

Mae: Trust me honey, that doesn’t work.

Nothing worked against the poisonous words though…Each word became constantly burned into my head.

Yoda: Understand that, I do not :huh:
Erestor: I don’t think anyone did . . .


"You are worthless!" She shouted next, "why don't you do something useful for once?

Mae: Oh I’m sure all her little ‘friends’ would find her quite . . . useful :evileyebrow:

I don't know how your grandmother put up with you…"

Erestor: We don’t either.

Her words invaded my mind, making tears threatening

Mae: Threaten.

to pour out of my eyes. I held them back though, refusing to cry.
"Listen to your mother." My father snarled, "she's right. You're a worthless child."


Yoda: Feel for the sue, I do not.
Jareth: *groans* all the dodgy angst . . . It’s giving me a migraine.


Aurora's eyes fluttered open as she awoke from the dream. The dream of the memory that did not happen too long ago, played into her mind.

Mae: ARGH! The wording!! *headchairs*

She stared at the ceiling, glad to be away from her home environment.

Mae: I wish I could get away from my home environment.
Bob: *rolls his eyes* You are away from your home environment.
Mae: Oh . . . yeah . . . :wasntme:


Even if Middle-earth was filled with orcs and evil,

Erestor: *growls* It was NOT filled with orcs and evil. There was still good. What about the Rohirrim and the Gondorians? Just because they had corrupted leaders it doesn’t mean they were evil! And what about the Elves and Dwarves? They-OW
Yoda: *wacks Erestor on the head with his gimmer stick* Shut up, will you?


it seemed better to her than her parents.

Mae: Uh . . .
Jareth: That’s it?
Bob: Do you want more?
Jareth: No! I meant that was a really stupid place to end . . .
Erestor: So that’s all?
Bob: *grins* No, you still have another four chapters to spork.
Mae: :o Wha . . . But . . . No . . . oh gods . . . *collapses*
Yoda: Leave you now, I must. Good bye and good luck.
Erestor: Thank you, Master Yoda *hoists Mae over his shoulder*
*they exit the theatre*

- The next Morning –

Bob walked into the kitchen, looking rather crestfallen. Jareth was brewing coffee on the stove and Mae was teaching Erestor how to play ‘BlackJack’, they all turned to look at him when the door opened.
Bob sighed, "I have some bad news for you . . ."
Erestor gulped, "What do you mean, Merciful Master?"
I’m afraid the PurplePolkaDots93, or Pearl Primrose, as she now calls herself, has taken down ‘Clocks’."
The team’s jaws all dropped. Erestor tried to talk, but couldn’t form any words. Jareth spilled burning coffee down his sleeve and Mae went into shock. Bob sighed again.
"I am so sorry to have to tell you this . . ." He was cut off suddenly when Mae tackleglomped him.
"Thankyouthankyouthankyou," she burst out, hugging him tightly. Bob blinked and cleared his throat. Mae realised what she was doing and gulped, backing away slowly.
Jareth grinned, "Mae . . ."
Mae stammered "Uh . . . I’m so sorry . . . I really didn’t mean to . . . Please don’t hurt me . . ."
Bob raised an inquisitive eyebrow, "And why would I hurt you, girl?"
Mae mumbled "Because I hugged you . . . and you don’t like being hugged . . . I should have remembered after last time . . ."
Erestor sniggered and turned to Bob "Merciful Master, That was some of the best news you could have given us."
Bob smiled, "Yes it was, but now I can find a new story for you to spork. You have a holiday until I find a story now." He cackled and rubbed his hands together. The team all backed away slowly as Bob turned and left them, slamming the door behind him, which started smoking.
Mae yelped and Jareth and Erestor ran to throw water on the smouldering wood. A few minutes later the prospective fire had been quelled and they were all seated around the table.
"I suppose we should start getting scared?" Erestor asked, nervously.
"Aye, I suppose so," Replied Jareth. Mae sighed and stood up, walking to the wall and bashing her head against it.
The guys both looked at each other helplessly as she sank to the floor, unconscious.

If I promise not to kill you can I have a hug?

My favorite thing about eating gummy bears is that they don't fight back when bite their heads off

Teddies don't hug back, but sometimes they're all you have...

Joker: You know, there are three kinds of people in this world. The optomistic that find the glass half full, and the pessimistic that see it as half empty. Then there's the paranoid, and they just think someone's drinking out of their glass.

Corrigan: Huh, then which one are you?

Joker: I'm the one who knocks the glass over.
~ The Joker Blogs.
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