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| Slipping Backwards!; I'm just so not in the loop! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 26 2010, 06:48 AM (1,174 Views) | |
| Destined Darkness | Apr 26 2010, 06:48 AM Post #1 |
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Master of the Rings
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Title: Slipping Backwards Author: Destined Darkness Genre: Boredom! Or according to fanfiction, adventure/romance Text based on: Slipping Backwards! A fic written by a weird brat Characters: DD, Laura, Thranduil, Beckett, Elrond, Todd, Haldir, Raina, Darken and a guest with appearances from Azula! Summary: Boredom, confusion and all out randomness! Warning: Lack of wine, swearing, dodgy innuendo! Rating: T for torture, B for boredom and F for fail! We return to our Sporkers after yet another deleted fic. The team are slowly losing their minds. “Hello!” Azula’s voice sounds over the speaker “Hi!” 8 voices grumble back “Not very happy I see!” Azula says “Get on with it!” DD sighs “Fine! Ddouble1 you have a new member and a new spork!” “Yay!” Ddouble1 say sarcastically “Raina!” Azula says happily “Wait…!” Darken says as the doors to the living room open and a woman steps in wearing brown leather “Lord Rahl!” Raina says as she bows to Darken “We meet again Raina!” Darken says back “Catch up later! Ddouble12 now!” Azula says Ddouble1 race to the theatre. They enter and Raina looks at the other 4 weirdly “So what exactly are we doing?” Raina asks “Sporking!” the others reply “And that is?” Raina asks “You’ll find out soon enough!” Thranduil replies sitting down. Raina nods and sits down while Elrond, Todd and DD find their beds. Words appear on screen Slipping Backwards Disclaimer: i DD: Is she stealing my slack start? Todd: Maybe! don't own any of JRR Tolkein's All: DEAR LORD! SHE CAN’T EVEN SPELL IT RIGHT! works A/N this story starts out kinda slow, but never fear it picks up after this short chapter. All: *sniff* oooo get excited. DD: You’re gonna die? Todd: I get to slit your throat? Thranduil: You’ll take this story down? Elrond: You’ll OD and die? Raina: You people are crazy! All: Get used to it! Raina: I didn’t say I didn’t like it! I decided to make my story a little different because everyone else has really dramatic sues falling through books and space so mine is more low key. DD: It’s gonna be a sue falling through a movie! Todd: I think maybe! My very first story so please don't bite, but i love constructive criticism. All: We love good writing! ________________________________________ The room was quiet. DD: *as quiet* Hi! I’m a room, my name is quiet! Raina: *edge away from DD* The warm wall colors and many knick-knack items made for a cozy and peaceful atmosphere. At the center DD: I have no idea if that is meant to be centre or not because she’s using the American spelling of words! Todd: I have no idea! The Elves: We’re not even from earth! of the room was a twin sized bed with a sleeping figure tucked gently in. Two plush armchairs were drawn up next to it and were presently occupied by a pair of elderly women. DD: *as woman 1* What in the world are we doing here? Todd: *as woman 2* I have no idea! Let’s leave! "Asleep again?" DD: Who me? Yeah! questioned the plump sitter Thranduil: The what? Elrond: The plump sitter! Thranduil: Okay! on the right. "Yes, but it seems it matters little since she lives in her own world, asleep or awake, nowadays." answered the other solemnly. Raina: I’m bored! DD: Same here! The guys: So are we! But to the white haired woman in the bed the world of her mind was far from fantasy. All: Ohkay? Raina: Should I have worn my red leather? DD: Yes! Raina: I shall remember that next time! Eileen Byrne had lived her life to the fullest and now her mind was beginning to fail her. DD: Minds tend to do that when you get old! She had slipped back into her happiest days of youth and no longer was aware of the present. All: I do that from time to time too! They were memories, DD: No! They were paintings! Of course they were memories! memories as real as life, one day she was ten year old Thranduil: Wait! She could have said ‘She was a ten year old’ or ‘she was ten years old’ and she missed both? *face palm* and walking to the park and the other she was nearly fifteen on her first day of high school, DD: Woah! She started high school when she was 14 almost 15? Shesh! but to the world she was simply a silent, kind-eyed, old woman with Alzheimer's. Raina: Huh?Todd: Not an expert! But that should be ‘but to the world outside of her mind, she was simply a…’ DD: Good enough! Her closest and oldest friends Lisa and Mary had come to visit today and had been told to their dismay that Eileen was fading. Elrond, Thranduil and DD: Is she an elf now? Others: *shrug* ________________________________________ Eileen Byrne was seventeen again and her mind had taken her back to 2010. DD: Well if she was 17 again then her mind wouldn’t need to take her back! What year is she living in anyway? Todd: *shrug* DD: Wait! 2010? She was taken back to 2010? Awesome! That means we survive 2012! She was going to a track meet and had her blue sweatpants and light blue sweatshirt over her track uniform. All: *sigh* We don’t care! She had just spent the night at Lisa's and was toting DD: That sounds funny! I know it’s a word but she could have said ‘carrying’ Others: Agreed! her neon green track bag, a pillow, and her pink Jan Sport backpack. All: We really don’t care! She looked down at her Sperry's All: Her what?Azula: Pass! as she walked over the wet pavement towards the bus and twirled a piece of her light brown hair on her finger, not in an annoying girly girl way just in a subconscious manner. All: Riight! But then something strange happened. Elrond: The sue realized she was a sue! Her world was going dark and she felt very tired like she was a hundred years old. All: *sigh* Thranduil and Elrond: We are over two thousand years old and we didn’t feel tired when we were 100 years old! Still don’t feel very tired now! DD: I believe the sue is human! The elves: Ah! She slipped into darkness, total, utter darkness for what seemed like years. DD: *cry* Raina: I am so bored! Todd: Tell me about it! Thranduil: Where is that damn wine? *is searching the fridges for Dorwinian only to discover that the theatre is clean out* Aww! *sulks* Elrond: *is face palming* Then suddenly a blinding light flashed before her and out of it spoke a voice. All: Ohkay? *laugh* She was able to understand the voice but it did not speak a language instead it spoke with what Eileen could only pin point as love. All: *look at the screen in surprise* What? It made her feel warm and peaceful, she cared for nothing if just to hear that voice and be in the presence of its beholder forever. All: Ohkay! You do that sue! "Welcome Eileen to the end of life and the beginning of eternity, but before you enter I will give you two choices. DD and the elves: *sigh* Of course you will! I know that often in your youth and recently in your remembrances Todd: they are called memories! you have wondered what it would be like to live in a time other than your own. I cannot let you travel back in the time of your own world lest you prevent your existence, All: Party pooper! but I can place you in the entirely different dimension of Arda. Raina: Yes! Because that won’t make her disappear! Because aww no her not being in her own time means she will still exist there! Others except DD: What?DD: Never mind! So here is the choice that lies before you. You can come to your eternal rest now or you can live out another full life in the world of Arda. If you chose DD: *raises eyebrow* Fob! the latter then all of your memory regarding the events of that world will be erased as well as this meeting so it will not alter your decisions, Elrond: *eyebrow raised* huh? you will appear there in the state that your mind previously thought you were in, Thranduil: I am so lost! and if you complete your life there as faithfully as yours on earth then you will be able to enter eternity again. Todd: What is she on about? Make your choice." Raina: Any of you know who is talking? Others: Nah! Raina: Well this author is stupid! Eileen knew what choice she would make and looked towards the light, she could not pass up the last chance for a real adventure. All: *face palm* Of course she couldn’t! Geez! Thranduil: We’re free! Azula: Next chapter is for Ddouble2! And they have a guest! Everyone but Raina: YES!!! *run out screaming and cheering* Raina: *walks out mumbling* I should have worn my red leather! Must remember to wear it next time! Must! Azula: Those poor souls! They have officially lost it! Review here! Don't worry! I lost my mind too! |
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'Do you know how some families fight and shout and curse each other, but at the end of the day they're still your family and you're with them to the end of the world because you love them and they love you?' 'Well, yeah...' 'My family isn't like that.' ~Jareth to Sarah, Roommates Comic by AsheRhyder 'Imagine a sound, too deep to hear, too deep to be anything but felt. Deep enough to shatter worlds. That is the sound of the grief of the people who live in "if," those beautiful, terrible people who can be anything and everything as long as they are Nothing. Imagine what can make "nothing" feel so deeply that it may even transcend to "something."' ~Roommates Comic by AsheRhyder | |
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| Destined Darkness | Apr 29 2010, 08:45 AM Post #2 |
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Master of the Rings
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In the living room. Ddouble1 have managed to fall asleep after an all night party they had. Ddouble2 wasn’t allowed to party as they hadn’t sporked a chapter of ‘Slipping Backwards’ yet! That was about to change! “Ddouble2! Ddouble12! Now! March!” Azula’s voice screams over the intercom “I have a surprise waiting for you! “It’s Zuko!” The team grumble as they run out of the room “Who told you?” Azula asks surprised “You! Just now!” The team reply, Azula grumbles. They enter the theatre to see a young man dressed in red with a scar on the left side of his face (left from his point of view) The stranger: Hello? Team: Hi! The stranger: My name is… Team: Zuko! Zuko: How did you…? Azula: Hello! Brother! Zuko: AZULA! Team: Catch up and kill each other later! Sporking time! *look at each other and scream* We are turning into Azula! Azula: I resent that! All: And let’s start! *look at the screen* Words appear on screen Unfortunately All except Zuko: For us! We are stuck sporking this fic! Zuko: Can’t be that bad! Haldir: *to Azula* Has he always been this naïve? Azula: Pretty much! Yeah! Zuko: I resent that! Azula: You know it’s true! Others: STOP ARGUING! i Laura: Ignore! don't own any of The Lord of the Rings, All: We think TOLKIEN! is happy about that! or any of Tolkein's DD and Tolkien’s ghost: (over the speaker) GAHHHH! TOLKIEN! IE! I before e ‘cept after c! Laura: In this case anyway! DD: I know! *is dragged away from the speaker by Todd* Bye! other works. Tolkien’s ghost: I’m very happy about that! *is dragged back to the Halls of the dead by Mandos* The only things i own are my own characters such as Eileen and Olin. Zuko: Who?Others: No idea! i know so sad. All: I’m not sad! Well I am because I got stuck here, but not because you don’t own TolkIEn’s works A/N i'm mixing it up with the dwarves, who are awesome so its all good. Haldir: Why the hell did she use possession? Laura: *shrug* Beckett: *shrug* Zuko: *shrug* Darken: She’s a sue? All: *murmur their agreement* ________________________________________ The first thing I was aware of was the touch of cool, moist grass underneath my fingers. Upon opening my eyes I was introduced to a sideways view of a world of grass and trees. Darken: Hmm! Zuko: That sounds like a pretty cool world! I was just beginning to regain consciousness of the rest of body All: Does that make sense? Azula: *shrug* Zuko: *whispers* She never did care for literature! Azula: *grumble* For that… Team except Zuko: OH NO! Azula: …you will be the guest Sporker for all the chapters of this story! Team except Zuko: *sigh of relief and start thanking the gods above* Zuko: Ohkay…? as I realized that I had my pink track bag on my left forearm, Zuko: What does this have to do with anything? Others: Nothing! Zuko: Why the hell…? Others: She’s a sue! Don’t ask! Zuko: Ohkay…? Haldir: You’ll learn! Darken: Poor soul! He has no idea what’s coming! Zuko: I’m still here! Darken and Haldir: *ignore* That poor soul!*start mourning the loss of Zuko’s soul* was clutching a pillow under my chest, and my backpack was cutting off the circulation in my right arm. Beckett: (as backpack) DIE ARM! DIE! I KILL YOU! Zuko: Is he okay? Laura: Don’t ask me! My dream is to be eaten and I burn things! Zuko: *moves away from Laura and ends up closer to Darken* Darken: I’m a reformed man-whore and I killed people mercilessly *smile* Zuko: *moves away from Darken, ends up sitting by Beckett and Haldir* Beckett: Eh! Haldir: I’m a Marchwarden! I’m half dead and half alive at the same time! Zuko: These people are weird! Azula: I know! DD: (over speaker) Says the two people who can shoot fire out of their hands at will! Azula and Zuko: *grumble* Darken: I can do that too! Laura: *face palm* Groaning, Laura: Why are you groaning? *wink* Others: *face palm* my muscles screaming in protest as if they hadn't been used in years All: *sigh* so bored! I managed to push myself up into an Indian Style All: *reread* A what?and looked around. All: WE DON’T CARE! Wow… Beckett: I know! It’s amazing how stupid you are! This place was like something out of a nature propaganda film. All: Ohkay…? There were tall, proud oaks and other such trees that I don't know the names of, Laura: Why are they mentioned then? Others: *shrug* with big leafy canopies. I was in a small clearing and off to the right was the most fantastic rock formation I've ever seen. Laura: I’m probably wrong, but that seemed a bit abrupt! Haldir: It did! The grey and white rocks steadily rose to form a ledge and a little right of the center were dark boulders that jutted up. All: *raise eyebrows at the screen* We care why? I walked over for further scrutiny and could hear the gentle sound of water and figured a river or something must be beyond the edge of the rocks. All: *sigh* Zuko: Wow! This is boring! Laura: Yup! Darken: It gets worse! Haldir: Indeed it does! Beckett: *is trying to devise a plan to escape* Azula: *sigh* You’ll never get out of here! Mwahahaha! *said in a monotone* Zuko: ![]() The whole place had a hushed and surreal feeling, All: *sigh* but not scary, just peaceful. Laura: *starts singing* Eeny meeny decca meanie oo wop bop-a-leeny, atchie katchie liberatchie, I love you! Others: Huh? Laura: *ignores them and continues singing* DD: (over speaker) *to all except Laura* I wish you luck! You’ll need it! Others: Why? DD: She can go on for hours! Others: *moan* Well this is by far the best dream I've ever had. All: It’s by far the worst dream we’ve ever had and the sad thing is! WE’RE NOT DREAMING!! I must have blacked out. Laura: We wish you would! Either that or Lisa's mom spiked my orange juice with hallucinogens, Darken and Haldir: WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE DO THAT? Beckett and Zuko: To kill this sue! Laura: YEAH! which isn't entirely out of the question... All: WE DON’T CARE! But something just wasn't right here. Laura: DING, DING, DING! Haldir: The sue has realized! Darken: She’s a sue! Beckett: Congratulations! Azula: She has won; One painful death, one lecture, one torture session! Not in that order! Zuko: Umm! Dreams, as real as they may feel, are lacking in certain major senses like touch and smell. Laura: Do we care? Darken: Shit no! Haldir: Nope! Beckett: Why would we? Zuko: I’m gonna say no! They also have a, well, dreamy feeling to them All: Ah no duh! and this felt ominously real. Laura: That is because I am slowly cutting your head off! Todd: (over speaker) HEY! THAT’S MY JOB! MINE! MY PRECIOUS! Haldir: *face palm* Todd: (over speaker) MINE! MY PRECIOUS! THEY STOLE IT FROM US! *is dragged away by DD* Shaking my head I hurled my track bag and pillow onto the rocks, which may or may not have been a good idea, but hey you try and think rationally in a situation like this. Laura: I would make the most rational decision! DD: (over speaker) Rational to us or to normal people? Laura: Pfft! DD: (over speaker) That’s what I thought! Haldir: I would not even have a track bag! Beckett: Why would I be in Middle Earth anyway? Zuko and Azula: We would just burn the place down! Darken: I’m with the fire guys! This is getting really weird let's All: WHO IS WITH HER? just sit down to collect what is left of my shattered sanity. All: It can’t be as shattered as ours! The old and new members of ‘Low-Rahrr and Tarr-Sharr are the pimp shitz and own you all’: (one voice from theatre and many more from speaker) No one is as bad as us! I touched the rough, warm surface Laura: Dodgy thoughts! Others: Don’t wanna know! of a rock and my head reeled. All: *look at screen, open mouths as if to say something, close mouths as if unsure* This is definitely not a dream no rock feels that real in a dream… All: MOVE ON FROM THAT DAMN DREAM! I must have been drugged and kidnapped. Laura: Who would want to kidnap you? Darken: I wouldn’t mind drugging her with something deadly! Others: We wouldn’t either! Thranduil and Elrond: (over speaker) That won’t work! Remember! She’ll just come back! Others: Damn! *cry* The panic began to rise in my chest as I looked around wildly for my assailant. All: *face palm* And that's about the time when a small furry man chose to emerge through the nearby bushes, grumbling and muttering. All: RUN AWAY SMALL FURRY MAN! THERE IS A SUE AT LARGE! DON’T APPROACH HER! SHE IS DANGEROUS! THE PPC WILL BE ARRIVING SHORTLY! I screamed… more accurately I eyed the little mountain man's rather shiny axe, All: *throw something at the screen* shrieked, and threw the nearest rock at him. All: *face palm and throw something else at the screen* He looked confused at first and then when a rock hit him in the chest he looked angry and started to grumble at me in no doubt his own made language. All: I’m thinking it’s Dwarvish! But it’s just a suggestion! I scrambled to my feet searching for a menacing weapon. Ahh, there you are, it was a little small and had leaves on it, but the stick was sturdy and my best bet now. All: *cry* I was just banking on his axe not being sharpened. Laura: so she has money to bank now? Others: no! Laura: *rolls eyes* "Stay back, I'm warning you I know how to use this." All: You just ruined that saying for me now! Then I swung the branch around for good measure All: Arhh! I’m so scared! Sue with a stick! Arhhh! *said in monotone* He then proceeded to lower his axe and burst out into laughter. All: See! He doesn’t even take her seriously! He waived his hand All: He did what? Laura: *tries to waive her hand at Darken* I’m sorry mate! It won’t disconnect! Darken: Buggar! to me as he put his axe down while babbling some more nonsense. All: *sigh* I scowled at him while trying to pull of All: Umm? Does she mean off? my best Xena the warrior princess face. Laura: Who in the shit does that? Others: *shrug* DD: (over speaker) Her apparently! Azula: *about all the intrusions via speaker* I really need to put a ban on that! It didn't work to well because he was far from terrified, but hey you gotta try. Laura: I think she means ‘But hey! I’m gonna die!’ I meaning her! Others: We got it! Nice! His face was red with laughter as he chuckled at my hostilities, All: We laugh and cry at your stupidity! the impudence, and he ambled over to me. All: Okay? He was weaponless Laura: That’s not good! He’s never gonna have kids! Others: *face palm* now and I could see he was roughly four feet, probably a couple inches taller. All: WE DON’T GIVE A CRAP! At any rate I towered above him at five feet five inches. Laura: *sigh* *starts singing* This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because, this is the song that never ends…*continues singing* DD: (over speaker) *joins in* Azula: NO! DD LEAVE! DD: aww! *is dragged away by Todd* He didn't seem to pose any immediate threat and in fact he struck me as a pretty nice kid All: Kid? HE’S OLDER THAN YOU! YOU FUCKWIT! Ddouble1: (over speaker) *a la Théoden* And so it begins! *about bad language* Azula: Ddouble1! Leave now! I’ll give you a double…! *is cut off* Ddouble1: (over speaker)We’re going! We’re going! *go back to the living room* especially in light of my being stranded. All: *sigh* And man was I lost, completely, utterly lost. All: GO KILL YOURSLEF AND MAKE US HAPPY! I mean where was the nearest forest complete with ancient trees, a full rock formation, a river, and indigenous mountain dwellers? Laura: Umm! Apparently wherever you are sweetie! *said in a sickeningly sweet voice* Others: *move away* No where near my suburban high school that where. All: What? *are dying of laughter* I'd give beardo here a chance, Laura: No idea! But I think that should be a capital B! Others: Who cares anymore? but still keep this branch just in case. All: Oh my gosh! I’m so scared of a branch! It’s going to kill me! Noo! *sarcasm* Azula, Darken and Zuko: We’d burn that shit to the ground! Laura: Same! Haldir: I would shoot the sue and not have to worry about the branch at all! Beckett: Oh yeah! *grabs pistol* Darken: *uses magic on the gun and it disappears* Beckett: What the fuck Darken? Darken: We don’t need you shooting yourself in the head! Beckett: *grumbles* He sensed my relaxation Laura and Darken: Dodgy thoughts! Others: We really don’t wanna know! and began to speak to me. Laura and Darken: Oh! "Do you speak Westron, little lass?" Laura: What is the italics for? Others: He’s speaking some language! I looked blankly at him and shrugged my shoulders. Then I proceeded to ask him "Do you speak English?" over emphasizing each syllable just in case. All: OF COURSE NOT! YOU DUMB BITCH! No response. Laura: Hands up who saw that coming? All: *hands go up* Laura: Thought so! "Sprecken sie Deutsch?" All: What does that mean? Laura: I don’t even know! I think maybe it means ‘do you speak Dutch?’ But I have no idea! Nothing All: OF COURSE NOT! HE’S NOT FROM EARTH! "Parle vous France? Laura and Beckett: I think she means ‘French!’ Espanol? Italiano?" All: NO! HE WON’T KNOW ANY EARTH LANGUAGES YOU FUCKWIT! every language I could think off spurted out of my mouth. All: That’s gonna create a mess! Nada Laura: SPOLIER OF WORDS AND LANGUAGES! Then it was his turn "Blah di blahh blah." Laura: That’s not nice! Darken: She wrote what she said in the correct way sorta! Haldir: Yet she writes his in ‘blah’ verse! Beckett: That is very rude! Zuko: *face palm* Nope not getting it. All: *cry* I shook my head. All: *throw stuff at screen* How long is this damn thing? Azula: There’s not much left of this chapter! Others: *start partying! After a little while of this nonsense All: *stop partying and look back at screen* The partying? It's not nonsense! It's fun! he sighed and pointed to himself. Laura and Darken: Dodgy thoughts! "They call me Olin Laura: Is that a dwarf name? Haldir: I dunno! I don’t study Dwarvish! son of Folin." Laura: What the hell? Haldir: No idea! Then he pointed to me expectantly. Laura and Darken: *open their mouths* Others: *evil glare* Darken and Laura: *close their mouths* Others: *grumble*We’re all thinking about it now! Laura and Darken: *smile triumphantly* From his hand gesture and emphasis on the Olin and Folin part I guessed that was his name. All: It’s not! Well sorta! Though Lord only knows what parent would posses the cruelty to name their child Olin Folin, Laura: Lord only knows why we are stuck here! Beckett: I’ve heard worse names than that! Others: Agreed! To both! but I guess there is a first for everything. Laura: Can we be the first to die of sporking? Azula: I dunno! I don't think so! So I pointed to my self repeating the process. Laura and Darken: OHH! Others: *face palm* "My name is Eileen Byrne," All: And you are on Death Row! MWAHAHAHAHA! Then pointing to him said, "And you are Olin Folin." All: WHAT’S WITH THE UNDERLINING? He nodded excitedly, Laura and Darken: Calm down mate! *said implying a hidden message* Others: Damn you people! oh so cute, Haldir: Did she just call the dwarf cute? Others: Yes! Haldir: Kill me now! Beckett: Sorry! Can’t! Darken stole me gun! though he looked like the type that would murder me if I could communicate those sentiments to him. All: WE ALL WOULD KILL YOU TOO! Darken: FREEDOM! *runs out* Beckett: LIBERTY IS GOLDEN! *dives out of the theatre* Laura: OD TIME! *dances out of the room* Zuko: Do they do that every chapter? Azula: Yup! Pretty much! Zuko: Damn! *walks out calmly* Azula: WAIT! I WAS CHALLENGING YOU TO A DUEL! Zuko: *sigh* (I don’t own the song ‘Eeny meeny decca meanie’ I only know it because Laura sings it from time to time! And anything else that needs disclaiming, I don’t own!) Review the damn thing here! |
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'Do you know how some families fight and shout and curse each other, but at the end of the day they're still your family and you're with them to the end of the world because you love them and they love you?' 'Well, yeah...' 'My family isn't like that.' ~Jareth to Sarah, Roommates Comic by AsheRhyder 'Imagine a sound, too deep to hear, too deep to be anything but felt. Deep enough to shatter worlds. That is the sound of the grief of the people who live in "if," those beautiful, terrible people who can be anything and everything as long as they are Nothing. Imagine what can make "nothing" feel so deeply that it may even transcend to "something."' ~Roommates Comic by AsheRhyder | |
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| Destined Darkness | May 14 2010, 05:13 AM Post #3 |
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Master of the Rings
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In the living room Ddouble2 has successfully managed to sleep, Ddouble1 and Zuko, however, have been restless and are pacing around and around the living room. Raina has decided to wear her red leather for the continuation of her stay. “Theatre Ddouble12 now!” Azula calls in a monotone over the speaker “Yay!” Ddouble1 and Zuko reply in a monotone and make for the theatre. The theatre doors close behind them and they settle in; Raina and DD lounging on the chairs, Thranduil and Elrond lying on their beds and Todd and Zuko playing around with the chairs to make them into couches. Words appear on screen. Once again i DD: Stole DD’s slack story start?! don't own Lord of the Rings, All: Except for the ‘i’ it’s a so far so good! though if i rule the world i will, and contrary to popular belief I have no intent to steal any of Tolkein's great works. Todd: Anyone at all understand that? Zuko: Uh! No! DD: Nope! Thranduil: How ‘bout no? Elrond: Should I have? Raina: I was supposed to be trying to decipher that? DD: And I’m just gonna ignore her misspelling of TOLKIEN! Others: But you just…! DD: MOVING ON! Hope you like this chapter, All: We won’t! Read and Rate, DD: Read and Rate? Todd: I believe she means ‘Read and Review!’ Elrond: I think she misinterpreted the meaning of ‘R&R!’ Thranduil: Agreed! Zuko: *to Azula* They’re less crazy than the other team! Azula: You’re wrong there! Roll call and occupation! Thranduil: Hi! I’m Thranduil, king of Mirkwood, I’m a drunk and I have an obsession with jewels and raging at people! Elrond: Hi! I’m Elrond, Lord of Rivendell, I’m a controlling father and I love to annoy people! Todd: Hi! I’m Sweeny Todd, call me Todd! I used to slit people’s throats and bake them into pies and eat or sell said pies to people! DD: Hi! I’m DD! I’m married to Todd! I see dodgy innuendo, am a Demi god and am pretty much insane! Raina: Hello! I’m Raina! I’m a Mord Sith or Sister of the Agiel! I torture people as a living and I was tortured and trained as a child! Zuko: *moves away* Azula: Told you! things be spicin up. All: Ohkay…? ________________________________________ All: *a la Théoden* So it begins! Olin Folin shuffled over to a flat piece of rock and sat down motioning to me. DD: *raise eyebrow* Okay…? Elrond: *raise eyebrow* I second that! Thranduil: Third it! Todd: *grumbles* I fourth it! Zuko: Umm! I fifth it? Azula: Sixth it! HA! I win! Others: *grumble* Raina: I SEVENTH IT! SHAME! IN YOUR FACE AZULA! Azula: *grumble* Others: *and move away*I eyed him cautiously, Raina and DD: Do we see something coming on here? Others: NO! but he had been really quite kind to me All: WE’LL MURDER HIM! AND THEN KILL HER! through this whole ordeal of finding a random kid in the forest, so I obliged him. DD and Raina: Obliged him to what? *wink* Others: *face palm* I picked up my track bag and pillow in one arm and kept my stick firmly in the other. DD and Raina: *fall to the floor in a fit of laughter* Others: *face palm* NOW WE’RE THINKING IT! I walked over and sat down opposite him. DD and Raina: *recover from their fit, read the line and start laughing again* Others: What is so funny? DD and Raina: *can’t answer as they are dying of laughter* I began to examine him closely DD and Raina: *roll on the ground laughing* Others: *breathe deeply* during our present inactivity DD: *gasps* YOU’RE NOT MAKING IT EASY ON US! and I observed with a little discomfort he was to doing the same to me. Thranduil: Was he really to doing the same to you? Elrond: That’s very interesting! *ignore the two girls rolling on the floor laughing* Already mentioned he was a little guy DD and Raina: Oh tiny guy aye?*laugh* Others: What? DD and Raina: *ignore the guys* and I could now see he was a little chubby, DD: *had recovered from her fit and was drinking some Vodka, sees the line and spits her drink out all over the screen and starts laughing again* Elrond: This sue is stupid! She only now realizes that the Dwarf is chubby? *the screen cleans itself and the story (ahem) torture goes on* but mostly stocky looking. All: *laugh* He had grayish hair that looked to be originally black and dark brown. DD and Raina: I can’t find anything dodgy in that! *pout* Others: Good! We can’t be bothered riffing it! It was bushy and braided and his chest length beard, ya it was lat least a foot long, All: Really? Was it lat long? That’s interesting! *chuckle* was arranged in a similar fashion. Underneath all his hair was a weather-beaten face adorned with scars. DD and Raina: Underneath a…! *are cut off by the others* Others: That’s an awesome face! Todd: *as weather* Take this! And that! That’ll teach you to go on a quest and befriend a sue! He was not mean looking though just tough. Todd: *sigh* He had a kind elderly face Todd: *is reading over notes from the last chapter* Yet last chapter, she called him a kid! DD: *looks at the notes* *laughs* Raina: What? DD: Darken wrote a list of ways to torture the sue! Others: AWESOME! DD: *turns over another note* *laughs* Raina: What? DD: Laura drew a picture of someone slitting the sues throat, then burning the sue, then eating the sue! Others: Nice! with brown smiling eyes All: Those are some pretty talented eyes! and a couple of wrinkles at the corners of them. All: *sigh* I really don’t need to know what this Dwarf looks like! His hands were calloused and tough DD: WAIT! Did she just repeat herself but word it differently? Others: *reread line* apparently! and the tip of his left index finger was missing. DD: *eyes narrow at screen* STEALER! He was to my horror decked out in the mother of all ancient medieval wear. All: To your horror aye? Well that’s just wonderful and all but WE REALLY DON’T FUCKING CARE! His cloak was grayish brown and looked worn Thranduil: I hope it bloody looked worn! If it didn’t than what the hell is this Dwarf wearing? DD and Raina: We can answer that! Thranduil: *face palm* and torn, under that he had an ornate brown and green cloth warrior getup, All: Cloth warrior? AWESOME! and, dare I say, chainmail that peeked out at his elbows and neck. All: What’s scary about that?He had thick, brown leather boots that went up over his shins and leather gloves that exposed his fingers. DD: FINALLY! THE DESCRIPTION OF THE DAMN DWARF IS OVER! Done with my inspection All except DD, who is head chairing: DD SAID THAT! MOVE ON! I looked up at Olin Folin expectantly, wondering why he convened this little meeting. All: Bored! Bored! Bored! DD: *singing* I know a song that’ll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves! I know a song that’ll get on your nerves and this is how it goes…! *continues singing* Others: SHUT UP!! DD: Wow! That was quick! New record! 30 seconds! He started All: STARTED WHAT? "Now let me see lass, they call you Ileen Burn, but that does not explain why you have attired yourself thus queerly, and the manner of your travel gear is most perplexing." All: MY HEAD IS SPINNING! He poked my pink track bag and I snatched it defensively, still having no clue what he was saying in his harsh, strange language. "Ahh, more importantly, how did you get here." He pointed to the ground as he said this. DD: What does the ground have to do with anything? Todd: I believe he is implying ‘here’ DD: Oh! I got that motion and reeled off, DD: Is that a term I should be familiar with? Others: *shrug* forgetting the language barrier. DD: Forgetting that I’m not a ghost! *runs headfirst into the wall, effectively knocking herself out and possibly causing head-trauma* Azula: *grumble* "I have no idea how I got here, All: And quite frankly! WE DON’T CARE! I think I've been kidnapped All: WHO WANTS TO KIDNAP YOU? or something terrible like that. Thranduil: I think I understand what happened! Others: What? Thranduil: Earth didn’t want to have to deal with the sue so they shipped her off to Middle-earth to annoy us! Others: Damn! That’s harsh! You have to believe me, All: WE DON’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING! Azula: Other than spork this fic! All: OTHER THAN SPORK THIS FIC! I know it sounds crazy, Thranduil: No! Not at all! *sarcasm* but the last thing I remember is walking to the school bus and then everything went dark and I woke up in the middle of this place. All: *face palm* Please, help me you're the only one out here in this wilderness and I am terribly lost!!!" All: WE’RE TERRIBLY UNCARING!!! GO FUCKING DIE!!! I was entering hysterics at this point. All: *cry hysterically* He looked baffled. All: BORED! SO BORED! Hmm! Wonder if there is a song called bored! *Thranduil grabs his laptop, which has been hidden under his pillow, and searches Google* Thranduil: *reading from the laptop* Apparently there is a song called ‘I’m bored’ by Iggy Pop! It goes ‘I’m bored, I’m the chairman of the board, I’m a lengthy monologue, I’m livin’ like a dog…! *continues singing* Others: I like it! Oh right can't understand me, All: DUMB BITCH! this is just awful. Todd: For us and poor Middle-earth, yes! For you, not so much! I held my head in my hands and bit my finger Thranduil: *as finger* NOOO! DAMN YOU S… *cuts off* Others: *laugh* willing myself to wake up Elrond: Isn’t she already awake? Others: Pass! Elrond: MY HEAD! Zuko: Umm! Todd would have to cut it off first and I doubt you'd be able to grab it or put it back on afterwards! Elrond: What? Never mind! after having had a bad fall in the parking lot, Thranduil and Elrond: WE HAVE PARKING LOTS? Others: *snicker* DD: *groans and sits up* Wha? Who? What? Elrond: *face palm* but I knew it was hopeless, this was no dream. All except DD, who seems to have a concussion and memory loss: We wish this was a dream! "Alright, you obviously do not speak Khuzdul, All: That’s Dwarvish right? DD: What is happening? Where am I? Azula: *sighs and sends medic in* Medic: To the sickbay with you! *leads DD out of the theatre and to the sickbay* Others: NOOO! TAKE US WITH YOU! *run at the door just as it closes* NOOO! *cry and sit down* and I have tried Westron and fragments of Sindarin and Quenya, All: What the hell is a Dwarf doing knowing Elvish? it is pointless for us to try to communicate at this moment. I will bring you with me and my companion to Radagast the Brown, All: NO! RADAGAST! RUN! maybe he will know your language or at least know what to do with you, poor lost girl Raina: GIRL? THAT? FUCK OFF OLIN! as you are not." Raina: *sighs and puts the keyboard down* Then our pleasant if not pathetic conversation was rudely interrupted. All: Yay! *monotone* "Olin, where the devil Thranduil and Elrond: BUT THEY SHOULDN'T KNOW WHO THE DEVIL IS! are you!" cried a rather intimidating and deep voice from across the bushes, All: AWESOME! those deceitful things looking so innocent… Thranduil: Is she talking about the bushes? Raina: Seems like it! Zuko: What did the bushes ever do to her? Elrond: Apparently they lived! I'm onto you bushes. Todd: WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY DO TO YOU SUE? PISS OFF AND LEAVE THE POOR BUSHES ALONE! Olin I could take, All: *laugh* he may be a little nutty Todd: HE’S THE NUTTY ONE? Thranduil: THIS SUE IS STUPID! Elrond: AREN’T THEY ALL? Raina: NO IDEA! Azula: WHY ARE YOU YELLING? Zuko: BECAUSE WE CAN! but he was nice, this other nutcase All: YOU HAVEN’T EVEN MET HIM YET AND YOU ARE CALLING HIM A NUTCASE! didn't sound so promising. All: GO DIE! PROMISE US YOU’LL DIE! What if it was my kidnapper? Raina: NO ONE WANTS TO KIDNAPP YOU! That was a terrifying notion; All: *face palm* I sprung up and bodily hurled myself behind one of the huge slabs of black stone. All: BORED! Laura: *is thrown into the theatre* Hi all! I got thrown in because DD is in the sickbay! *smiles and sits down* Blast, I forgot my bag and pillow, Laura: I didn’t! *lies down on her bed* but at least my backpack was still snuggly on, Laura: No shit Sherlock! no time to go back now. All: *face palm* I looked tensely from behind the rock. Laura and Raina: *laugh* There was another little hairy man, All: *sigh* but unlike my kind new companion this one did not look so jolly. Raina: He’s about to discover that his friend found and befriended a sue! Why would he be happy? He was younger than Olin Elrond: You can tell that how? with the same mane of hair and beard except in light brown. Thranduil: Oh no! Todd: I sense another description coming on! Others: *cry* He had a stern rough face, All: DAMN YOU! big bushy eyebrows, All: *cry* and a large, crooked nose that looked like it had been broken a couple times, All: Can we brake it again? unlike Olin's rather button-like one. All: What? His clothing was just like Olin's, Thranduil: Maybe! Just possibly! It’s because they’re both Dwarves! but he had the added feature of a helmet Elrond: Shouldn’t they both have helmets? Others: *shrug* and carried a wide sword Thranduil and Elrond: WHAT IS HE DOING WITH A SWORD! Laura: No! No! He’s a guy! Guys have swords! Others: *face palm* and bow Thranduil and Elrond: *cry* Why does he have a bow? *sniff* He’s not supposed to! He’s a dwarf! *break down* Zuko: Never thought I’d see the day when two grown elf-lords broke down in tears! Well that’s ticked off my list! instead of an axe. Thranduil and Elrond: *still having breakdowns* Laura: But he should have an axe! Todd: Agreed! He apparently did not take well to Olin sitting fine and dandy with my track bag because he was yelling at Olin and pointing at it while Olin was desperately trying to calm him. Todd: That was a long sentence! Laura: Oh! I’ll read it! *deep breath* HeapparentlydidnottakewelltoOlinsittingfineanddandywithmytrackbagbecausehewasyellingatOlinandpointingatitwhileOlinwasdesperatelytryingtocalmhim. *big breath* Phew! Others: That’s scary! DD: (over speaker) I’m fine now! And it’s not as scary as you’d think! Others: Why aren’t you back in here? DD: I’ve been told not to leave the sickbay! Others: Oh! It would have been hilarious if I hadn't been about to pee in my pants from fright. All: Whipdeedo! "Olin I have been hunting for food All: Generally! When you hunt! YOU’RE HUNTING FOR FOOD! Zuko: Unless of course! You’re on a treasure hunt, then you’re hunting for treasure, unless you’ve been starving, then food is treasure, unless… Others: WE GET IT! for two hours and come back to an empty camp Todd: But isn’t Olin at this camp? Raina: I can’t remember! Others: Neither! Todd: Well if Olin’s there then it’s not empty! only to find you sitting here with this foreign and possibly enchanted rucksack, All: *sigh* So bored! judging by its unnatural color." All: What colour was it again? Oh right! We can’t remember! "Be calm Furvin. All: *grumble* I can explain, Raina: Well someone had better…! Todd: NOT! I have found a girl Raina: That’s what we used to say when we found a new sister to train! Others: Aha! Raina: Except those girls were actually girls not sues! an-" All: We’re bored! "WHAT! Todd: *sigh* We just said… All: WE’RE BORED! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? Oh, Olin what have I told you Raina: (as Olin)I don’t know! Ask me with a question mark and I’ll answer! our mission is highly secret All: NOT ANYMORE! and we cannot jeopardize Raina: Oh my god! Todd: She spelt it right! Zuko: It’s the end of the world! Laura: The horror! DD: (over speaker) The horror! it by fraternizing All: *are hiding and waiting for the world to end* with strangers. Besides what girl, Raina, DD, Azula and Laura: SUE! NOT GIRL! DON’T YOU DARE CALL THAT THING A GIRL! Guys: *edge away* would be a five week journey from the nearest human settlement? All: This sue apparently! She is probably a spy or a witch." Raina: Oh! Now you’re insulting spies and witches! Nice sue! Nice! "Shhhh, Furvin you will scare her All: Something is missing here! she is only a human-child and she looks perfectly harmless. All: Isn’t that just wonderful! We really don’t give a fuck about it! In fact I have strong reason to believe she has been lost from a caravan of traveling families. Raina: I have strong reason to believe you should be killed! Others: Agreed! Her tongue is extremely strange Laura: Why are you looking at her tongue then? Others: *eyebrow raise* and she cannot wield a weapon DD: Something missing there too! Elrond: *has recovered* She shouldn’t be able to wield a weapon! DD and Laura: *snicker* you should have seen her trying to brandish a branch at me." All: *sigh* Bored! "That may be some trick of Sauron. Raina: Is this still Olin speaking? Todd: Don’t think so! Others: Don’t care! She seems helpless now until the night creeps on," All: Creeps on what? then his voice lowered, Thranduil: Whose voice lowered? Who’s speaking? "and all of Isengard is upon us." DD, Elrond and Thranduil: Then you’re not talking about the work of Sauron! You’re talking about Saruman! Two different people! "Please Furvin. Raina: Can I kill him? Others: It won’t help! Raina: I know! DD: Did you notice that we still don’t know who’s talking? Others: Yep! Calm yourself and just take a look at her, DD, Laura and Raina: ‘Take a look at her’ he says! Others: *face palm* once you see her Laura: Something’s missing! you will understand there is no threat." All: YES THERE IS! YOU IDIOT! THERE IS A THREAT! Olin pointed to my rock and the other mountaineer looked up. All: I ducked behind it quickly. All: *sigh* Ahhh, I gotta get outa DD and Laura: *sniff* she can’t even get that right! It’s ‘outta!’ two ‘t’s! Not one! Two! Thranduil: Is that a tense change? Elrond: I believe so! here before I get murdered by crazy and his dad. All: Umm! I’m so lost now! What is this sue on about? I couldn't stop All: *cry* TENSE CHANGE! thinking about all the places they could bury me after they had axe-murdered me. All: We could murder you right now and no-one would ever find a body! "My lady Ileen Burn, Zuko, Azula and Laura: YES! IT SHALL BURN! Others: *look oddly at the fire guys* Zuko, Azula and Laura: Ummm! please come out and show good Furvin you are no foe." All: Oh but she is! entreated Olin. Thranduil, DD and Elrond: Oh how far the Dwarves have fallen! Oh, Olin. DD: is this sue falling in love with… *points at the name ‘Olin’* Laura and Raina: Maybe! The only one in this wilderness who is not a rock and has been kind to me. All: Umm! Okay…? His voice was gentle and kind, DD: I think this sue is falling for the Dwarf! despite its normal gruff sound. I poked my head out from behind the rock with eyes that must have been as big as tennis balls. All: *sigh* I hope this ends soon! "Olin" I called back shakily. DD: He can’t understand you! He smiled benevolently DD: Okay! These big words are annoying me now! Todd: Agreed! as I looked back terrified. Laura: You’re terrified? Thranduil: Middle-earth should be the terrified ones! "Come on its safe here." He beckoned waving his hand in a "come hither" way. All: *grumble* I glanced at the other who was looking stormy. Raina: The other hand? Or the other Dwarf? Elrond: Good question! "Olin if I come out you have to promise not to let thing two here attack me." Zuko: Brilliant way to get someone to help you! Just go right ahead and insult them! I asked inclining my head to the newcomer. All: SO bored! So, so bored! The other had gasped at my speech, All: *throw something at the screen* which he had clearly never heard before All: NO DUH! and Olin thought I wanted an introduction. All: *roll eyes* He pointed to me "Ileen burn," All: We don’t care! then pointing to the light haired midget said, All: That’s not nice! "this is Furvin son of Durilin." All: *sigh* Well at least Furvin Durilin wasn't as horrible a name as the rhyming Olin Folin, Raina: I’m going to go find someone to torture after this! but it wasn't a far cry I have to admit. Zuko: I’m gonna go find someone to chase! So I have officially stumbled upon two of Snow White's seven dwarves. Azula: I’m gonna make Mai and Ty Lee’s lives terrible! Todd: Thought they were your friends? Azula: They are! Todd: Then what…? Zuko: Don’t ask! I nodded in affirmative to Olin's intro and pointed to Furvin, DD: This is boring! I’m going to plan how I’m going to annoy my brother! "Furvin Durilin." Todd: How many times have we read that damn name in the past minute? Others: Quite a lot! Now Furvin All: *scream* WE GET IT! HIS NAME IS FURVIN! was absolutely fuming, All: I would be too! A sue just spoke his name and repeated it a few times! That’d make anyone angry! though I have no clue why. All: We just explained it! "Olin, what have you done Raina: (as Olin) I told you before! Ask me with a question mark and I’ll answer! she know our names, DD and Laura: FOB! DD: hmm! Flashing back to that butterfly poem! Laura: Flashing back to it now too! what more will you divulge." Thranduil: The fact that this is almost over? Elrond: The fact that we’ll be free soon? Todd: Anything along those lines is fine with me! Then in a hushed tone so I couldn't hear he continued, All: You wouldn’t understand anyway! "Why don't you just tell her that we are seeking Radagast the Brown All: Already told us that! and have been tracking him for 23 days." Zuko: We care why? Azula: You tracked the Avatar for longer than that! Zuko: My point exactly! Olin looked sick DD: Can’t look as sick as I do! at whatever news Furvin had imparted Raina: Could she stop with the big words now? Todd: It’s annoying! to him and was twisting his hands nervously All: HE KNOWS WE ARE AFTER HIM! "Well about that Furvin, DD: *sigh* I have already informed her that we will be visiting the wizard Radagast," All: And we hope Radagast is running! Furvin looked ready to explode so in a ridiculous bout of courage I stepped out to defend my finder because that was probably what he was getting in trouble for. Thranduil: Something or things is defiantly missing there! Todd: Agreed! "Hey, Furvin Durilin, All: Here we go! Sue to the rescue! stop beatin up on poor Olin, All: ALMOST OVER! YAY! he was only being nice Raina: And he shall die painfully for that! Others: Indeed he shall! and I don't bite." All: BUT WE DO! I immediately regretted this outburst as Furvin began to literally growl. All: *growl* "Olin, Raina: Okay! Todd: What happened…? DD: To the italics? Laura: *shrug* Thranduil: No idea! Elrond: They died? now we must take her with us if she is friend or foe for the knowledge you have imparted on her cannot by made known to the enemy." Zuko: Anyone else confused here? Others: *raise hands* Zuko: Okay! I was in for the adventure of a life time and didn't even know it. DD: Just like us when we first started sporking? Raina: Like me when I became a Mord-Sith? Thranduil: Like when I became a father? Elrond: Like when I became the father of twins? Laura: Like when I met my friends? Zuko: Like when I was banished? Azula: Like when I went after Zuko? Todd: Like when I was sent away? All: IT’S OVER! *cheer and run out, except for DD, who had to stay in the sickbay* (Review here) |
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'Do you know how some families fight and shout and curse each other, but at the end of the day they're still your family and you're with them to the end of the world because you love them and they love you?' 'Well, yeah...' 'My family isn't like that.' ~Jareth to Sarah, Roommates Comic by AsheRhyder 'Imagine a sound, too deep to hear, too deep to be anything but felt. Deep enough to shatter worlds. That is the sound of the grief of the people who live in "if," those beautiful, terrible people who can be anything and everything as long as they are Nothing. Imagine what can make "nothing" feel so deeply that it may even transcend to "something."' ~Roommates Comic by AsheRhyder | |
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| Destined Darkness | Jul 3 2010, 05:24 AM Post #4 |
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Master of the Rings
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Ddouble2 and Zuko have been sent to the theater after Azula realized she'd been merciful and hadn't made either team spork anything in a few months! So now we return to the torture cham... I mean theater! Laura: Alrighty then! Let's get started! I own absolutely none of Tolkein's Laura: Did she spell it right this time? Darken: Nope! *sigh* Haldir: What is the world coming too? Zuko: Who knows? It's supposed to end in two years anyway! Others: *murmur their agreement* works no matter how trickily i try to word it so i just gave up. A/N enjoy the new chapter my beloved readers Laura: Aww, beloved? I love you too! Others: I hate the woods Laura: I hate you. Haldir: The woods hate her too! Beckett: Oh it's not just the woods! …and walking. Beckett: Walking is awesome! Haldir: Agreed! Darken: Meh! Used to like them, All: WE NEVER LIKED YOU! but not anymore… maybe tomorrow… maybe. Darken: Maybe you'll die! Maybe Beckett: Don't get my hopes up! Haldir: Yeah! You'll just smash 'em down again! Hey you have to agree that walking for six hours tends to dampen your outlook on them. Zuko: Since when did walking become plural? Others: *shrug* After waking up to the forest floor DD: (over speaker) Forest floors are awesome! I would love to wake up in the forest, preferably in a tent though! Azula: I believe I banned all speaker usage! DD: Right! Sorry! and being kidnapped by a couple of dwarves Haldir: They didn't kidnap you! You won't stop stalking them! They're trying to get rid of you! Darken: Because they realize you're a sue and you should be killed! Beckett: The PPC are after you and they don't want to be caught with you! this day only needed to rain, Haldir: Rain is awesome! I love rain! Don't harsh the rain! but I better not push it with my luck or lack of. All: *sigh* That bugger Durvin had forced me on this death march for reasons unknown to me and as you can imagine I was terrified. All: Not riffing that! If it weren't for Olin being there to protect me Laura: Okay, okay, okay. So.. she does love the dwarf ? Darken: Apparently! Haldir: This sue is weird! Beckett: Agreed! I probably would have run away even if they stabbed me in my retreat. Zuko: Definitely something missing there! Fortunately they had a nice little mule that I could talk to though be assured I received many a judgmental look from Durvin. Naturally they were bent on torturing me so I couldn't ride it, Laura: *stifles laughter* Others: *laugh silently* but at least Olin had taken pity on me Laura: Pity sex. Of course. Darken: Oh yes! Others: GUYS! and let me haul my track bag onto its back. Darken: Wha? Olin sometimes said comforting words, Darken: Alright! I vote we burn him to death! Haldir: I'm half and half! Beckett: I vote we skin her alive then burn her! Zuko: I'm agreeing to both! *all four guys look at Laura* Laura: ...Burn, baby, burn. *evil grin* which baffled me because I couldn't understand him anyways, All: NO DUH! but I guess he was telling me we would see civilization soon, hopefully within the next hour, after all the nearest highway shouldn't have been that far out. Laura: I have no idea how he would have been able to tell her that. *Tries to mime 'We'll see civilization soon, hopefully within the next hour, after all the nearest highway shouldn't have been that far out.'* Haldir: Nice! Darken: You should become a mime! Beckett: What? There's some poor boy dying of a diabetes? What? Laura: *sarcasm* Yes Beckett, yes. Timmy fell down the well and got diabetes. Where was Lassie when he needed her ? "Well my young friend All: *twitch* we should be nearing the bit of forest that Radagast the Brown has been known for studying animas Haldir: *seems excited* Oh! Animas! Awesome! Those things are so awesome! Darken: What are they? Haldir: *serious* No idea! Beckett: *roll eyes* in and after our meeting with him it is only about a four week journey to the human village of Bree." Zuko: Not to sound harsh but, I hope she dies! Others: That's not harsh! Olin began to chatter exitedly Darken: Awesome! How exactly is one 'exitedly'? Others: No idea! to Durvin while making gestures towards me. I stopped wearily to rub my lower Laura: *Pauses* Hehe. Darken: *laughs* Others: *sigh* back before returning to my trek. "Durvin, take pity, the poor lass is exhausted. Come let us make camp now." "Oh very well. Besides, with her sloth pace we are not likely to cover much distance in the next hour." Olin smiled and waived Darken: Not this again! I remember Laura trying to waive at me! It failed! Do your remember that Laura? Laura:*ignores and licks Darken's face.* Darken: *twitch* me over. He was blabbering happily and unloading his gear Laura: Unloading his gear. Hehe. Darken: *tries not to laugh* Others: Why us? in a small clearing. I slung my backpack onto the ground Darken: Umm! Beckett: Okay! Haldir: Not the word I would use but okay! and tossed my "hi hoe asleep" pillow on top. Durvin was relieving Patrick, yes I named the donkey, of his load and he tossed me an ancient, hand woven, looking blanket. Beckett: Can I toss a sparkly, urple sue head around? Haldir: Sure! Why not? I looked at it dumbstruck, good lord, we're in the 21st century they needn't take their mountaineer life so seriously. Laura: Who are you to tell them how to live ? Haldir: She's a sue! Darken: Sues tell everyone how to live! Beckett: And it pisses me off! Zuko and Azula: GONNA BURN THE BITCH! Thinking about that I looked at them skeptically, who wears a foot long beard and chainmail. That's it these guys are completely loony and I'm completely dependent on them. Fantastic. All: *sniff* We're completely loony and it's all because of you! *voice breaks as they say 'you'* Resigned to my horrible fate Darken: Oh honey! We resigned ourselves to our fate ages ago! Haldir: Kinda regretting it now! Beckett: Agreed! I laid out the blanket carefully making sure there were no creases before snagging my pillow and flinging myself down in a fetal position. All: Okay? Olin chuckled and mumbled some more gibberish. Darken: (as Olin) What's this bitch doing now? Haldir: (as Olin) Can't she see we want her dead? Laura: (as Olin) I enjoy long walks on the beach and romantic novels. He took time out of tending to a fire he had produced out of thin air in ten seconds to waddle over with a rough, brown, bread looking substance. Zuko: Not caring! Azula: Really not caring! Darken: Same as the afore mentioned! Haldir: Same! Beckett: I'm with the other four! *all look at Laura* Laura: *Sings F.O.B - I don't care chorus.* He pointed to it "Bread." Ahh, so the mind games have begun, it's on little man. "Bread" I repeated confidently, but the words sounded harsh and strange on my tongue and didn't come out quite right. Olin smiled happily and handed me the stuff which I promptly shoved into my mouth, Laura: *smirks* Does it satisfy your cravings ? Others: That was odd! Laura: *licks Darken's face again.* Darken: ![]() hungry was an understatement for my condition. Haldir: Bad writing is an understatement for this story! Olin had sat down on a rock and after watching me devour the bread he tapped me on the shoulder. Coughing and spluttering a bit I turned to him a little annoyed, he pointed to a tree "tree." Oh not this again, "tree." He proceeded to teach the words in his language for grass, sky, mule, rock, drink, and other such things he could point at and say. He also made a point of my learning what race he called himself, "Khazad," which I guess meant midget or dwarf whichever one was politically correct to him. It was tedious, but there weren't too many words to memorize and I decided I might as well try to breach our communication gap just in case the town they took me to spoke the same language. Besides Olin looked exceedingly happy at my progress and even Durvin was warming up to me. All: *are playing a hand game* "Our new companion has a sharp mind Olin and has an apt appreciation for Khuzdul, but you should probably teach her Westron so she can communicate with those of her own kind." All: *moved on to a word game* Darken: Apple! Haldir: Pie? Darken: Nope! Beckett: Banana? Darken: Nope! "Yes, I know Durvin, but there is something wonderful about sharing your language, it is like your sharing a piece of your culture, your history, yourself. But I think you are right, I will teach her Westron starting tomorrow, today is for amusement." He said with a twinkling eye. Durvin smiled at his old friend who had known him as a wee dwarf boy and had been friends with his father Durilin. Olin was strange, he could act as simple as a tree at first glance, but underneath his bark there was wisdom and deep constant roots. Haldir: Was that dwarf just compared to a tree? Darken: Aha! Haldir: Gonna kill this damn sue! Well after that little dinner Olin taught me some new words Laura: Fuck you. Add that to your vocabulary ! Darken: *jots down on a random piece of paper* 'Fuck you!' Okay! That's added! and the three of us were getting along pretty well. Maybe this wouldn't be so terrible after all. All: Oh! It's terrible alright! Though initially wary I could see that if I won Durvin's trust he would be a constant friend. I could see that he was very loyal to Olin even if he did get cross with him sometimes and their relationship was a strong one. Zuko: They're planning to kill you! I geared up for the long night, Haldir: You're going to sleep! You don't need gear! Laura: That depends if she plans on getting pregnant or not. Others: Riight! I was beginning to trust Olin and even Durvin, but there is no one a lone girl would be comfortable sleeping with two armed men in the wilderness, Darken: Not even going to try to understand that! Haldir: I wasn't trying to understand it in the first place! Laura: All I could picture was a mengae a trois. I don't care of their only four feet tall. Needless to say despite my dire fatigue I only slept about three hours. Beckett: Where the hell are the PPC? Haldir: Sneaking up on her! I would wake up every fifteen minutes to my own despair and have my aching back, neck, and shoulder to contend with before I would slip back into a light sleep. All: FAIL! YOU FAIL AT BEING A TEENAGER! Normally when I go camping we have nice air mattresses or at least some foam to put my sleeping bag on and in the tent I was protected from insects. I thought that sleepovers were the worst way to actually sleep, incorrect. Not really a surprise, but sleeping outside on thee hard ground, Laura: 'thee' ? All: Thee! Lovely! *roll eyes* No need for thee[/e] extra e! no romantic sleeping under the stairs on the moist earth. Darken: I'm confused! Is she in love with both Dwarves now? No, I slept outside with bugs crawling on me and the ground was hard and bumpy, my only comfort was my pillow. Haldir: Oh! Stop being so 'it's all about me! Sleeping on the ground is so unfair!' *is eternally grateful to Laura for helping out with the chapter* Review here |
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'Do you know how some families fight and shout and curse each other, but at the end of the day they're still your family and you're with them to the end of the world because you love them and they love you?' 'Well, yeah...' 'My family isn't like that.' ~Jareth to Sarah, Roommates Comic by AsheRhyder 'Imagine a sound, too deep to hear, too deep to be anything but felt. Deep enough to shatter worlds. That is the sound of the grief of the people who live in "if," those beautiful, terrible people who can be anything and everything as long as they are Nothing. Imagine what can make "nothing" feel so deeply that it may even transcend to "something."' ~Roommates Comic by AsheRhyder | |
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| Destined Darkness | Jul 7 2010, 07:11 AM Post #5 |
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Master of the Rings
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We return to our team, Ddouble1 that is, as they sit awaiting their new chapter! DD: Start the damn thing already! Others: Yeah! *words appear on screen* DD: Thanks! *beat* Not really! I DD: HEY! SHE USED CAPITAL! Todd: That's awesome! STOP YELLING! DD: Sorry! ![]() don't own Lord of the Rings or any of Tolkein's Thranduil: And she got his name wrong! Elrond: AGAIN! works and never will. Zuko: Correct! You will never own them! Ever! A/N had lots of fun writing about the animals Zuko: You mean the animas? Others: The what? Zuko: Animas! Some knew breed of animal I think! and imaging the hut, don't worry more to follow. Finally Eileen will know whats going down. All: Whats going down? I would have said 'What's going down' but okay! Whatever! Oh the horror, i forgot to upload the edited version of this chapter. Here is the good version, many apologies. DD: Can tell ya now! It's still going to be bad! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We had been traveling for three days and let me tell you I was sore, Thranduil: Really don't care! I mean at track I would be sore in places I didn't even know I had muscle, Elrond: Does she means muscles? Others: Who cares? Elrond: Not me! *grabs a random bottle of wine and skulls it* but three days of constant walking left every muscle in my body aching. DD: Hey! I walked around for about 20 hours on a jet-lag because I wasn't allowed to sleep until night time! Don't you complain about being sore! I was reflecting on my situation for the thousandth time and i All: AND THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE GOOD COPY? discovered that my trust in the two dwarves had deepened significantly over the past three day. All: *cry* I had always seen Olin in a good light due to his natural ease and warmhearted nature, but i DD: CAPITAL I! CAPITAL! found that Durvin was just as esteemable, Zuko: What's that? Raina: Although I don't think 'esteemable' is an actual word, I think she means 'worthy of esteem.' Others: Ahh! Raina: *proud face* in his own way of course. He may have been a little wary and gruff at first, but i DD: ALRIGHT! JUST PUT THE FUCKING LOWER-CASE I AT THE START! I DON'T CARE! JUST DON'T PUT IT IN THE FUCKING STORY! Others: *edge away from DD* found him loyal and actually pretty funny. He struck me as an honest kind of person who once their friendship is gained it is not lightly tossed aside. Todd: He shall die painfully for that! Raina: No no no. Don't kill him. Just torture him, until he's begging to be killed. All: *cackle madly* Alas, such ponderous thoughts on my companions could only last so long before my back or feet interrupted them. DD: Is that even possible? Elrond: Not that I know of! DD: That's what I thought! It was in another one of my despondent reflections on the luxury of my bed when we came upon a cozy little hut like the one the three faeries lived in in Sleeping Beauty. All: Of course! This is the town… DD: Statement or question? Raina: ... Woah. I don't know. Todd: *face palm* my face fell. All: *edge away from the word face* I'm not picking it up! We've been walking for three days and the nearest semblance of human life is a hut. DD: ![]() Todd: ![]() Zuko: ![]() Thranduil: Since when! Did a hut become a town? Raina: One hut equals a town ? She needs to get her priorities sorted. Elrond: Indeed she does! This has to be joke. I can't take this. "Alright buddy, where are we, New Zealand? DD: YOU FUCKING MOCKING NEW ZEALAND? ARE YOU? YOU BITCH! I'M GONNA FUCKING SKIN YOU ALIVE AND FEED YOU TO THE FUCKING DOGS! NEW ZEALAND DOESN'T WANT YOUR KIND HERE! SO FUCK OFF! AND LEAVE US ALONE! DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME BITCH? Others: *edge away from DD* There is no way we could have missed a highway by now. Where's the camera, I not playing around." I said angrily. Olin looked highly affronted and Durvin scoffed, "We take her with us to seek the counsel of Radagast the Brown and to the only shelter outside of Rivendell and she is not satisfied. Women." A bunny hopped up to me DD: IS THAT A BUNNY? Others: ![]() DD: Right! *clears her throat* Never mind! *mutters about 'Drag me to Hell!'* Raina: That was totally a 'what the fuck ?!' moment. Others except DD: Totally! and completely diverted me from my rage. "Oh you cute little nugget, Raina: I didn't know they made nuggets from bunnies. DD: Thought they were made of chicken! I hope you don't have rabies. Oh dang where did all those birds come from?" A flock of blue birds had just flown in from a particularly ancient and humongous looking oak tree. One of my weird talents is whistling so I imitated the chirping of the birds and fancied I had a polite conversation with them about the mental capacity of gorillas. All: *scratch their heads* Out of my truly insane thoughts, another whistle broke through and a man who could only fit the description of father time walked out of the hut. "Ahh, I see another enjoys conversing with the birds." He exclaimed delightedly. DD: Oh dear! Thranduil: We told him to run! Elrond: He didn't listen! Todd: He's doomed! Raina: Oh dear ! Zuko: *as if reading a grave stone* 'Here lies Radagast the Brown! The idiot who didn't run when he had the chance!' DD: A moment of silence for the fallen wizard! *the theatre is quiet* I looked him up and down. He was a floor length dress, Thranduil: Since when did Radagast become a dress? Elrond: No idea! He was still a wizard, last I saw him! Then again, he probably could have turned himself into a dress! DD: *is rolling on the floor laughing and in tears* carrying a great big wooden staff, and had long, white, straggly hair. Raina: And when did dresses have hair ?! DD: Unless the dress was made of hair! Raina: Riight! If I thought the other guys were weird I've just met captain insano. DD: CAPITAL! Raina: Tsk tsk tsk. Judging from appearances are we ? Typical sue. He was mad, bloody bonkers. Then I did a double take did I just actually understand what he said, he might have been as loony as a radioactive fish, but I was nearly ready to kiss him. All: SOMEONE GET US OUT OF HERE! Then I thought again, was this all a scam. Did he just screw up and Olin and Durvin, whom I had grown to trust, been lying to me. I eyed him suspiciously. "How come you don't speak their language?" "Oh my you don't speak any language I've ever heard of, but luckily for you I'm not speaking a language." All: Umm! I looked up petrified, I didn't even check to see if his lips were moving. "Oh yes, you see I'm a master of creatures. I do not speak the language of the rabbit, but we can converse because I speak to the mind." All: *sniff* FREAKO! AND WE HAD A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR HIM! Okay this was just starting to sound like some corny Disney write in like when Pocahontas just "listens to her heart" and then can instantly speak perfect English. All: *begin to play a game* "Of, course it does not work on all animals, for not all, such as the snail, have intelligence Raina: Hey! I like snails! DD: Snails rock! Hmm! Wonder what happened to that French teacher that visited at school! *is thinking about other stuff* that is required to speak through the mind, but no doubt you are highly intelligent. I could sense that right away when I talked to you." DD: That sounded like a whole lot of gibberish to me! Maybe it's just because I have a headache! Raina: Notice he called her 'highly intelligent' ? What's this crackpot been smoking ? DD: Weed? Todd: I WON! Thranduil: NA UH! Yousa no win! Elrond: Oh boy! I now decided to test my own mind powers, "Very flattering, but tell me why are you wearing a dress." I laughed a bit at my own humor. All: *sigh* So boring! Why the hell is it so boring? He appeared nonplussed, "This is not a dress it is the robe DD: Ohh! 'The' robe now huh? Not just 'a' robe! It's 'the' robe! Raina: Oh, one hut equals the entire town, so in the entire town there is only one robe, therefore, it is 'the robe'. I have logic powers. *proud face.* Todd: Ohh! Thranduil: That makes so much more sense! and now I would be pleased if you would tell me your name since you no doubt already know mine is Radagast the Brown." I reddened visibly. I had not meant to so cruelly insult the old coot Raina: There you go, insulting him again. no matter how irritated I was. I thought he was just a ventriloquist or something. Things were getting weird. All: I KNOW A SONG THAT'LL GET ON YOUR NERVES! GET ON YOUR NERVES! GET ON YOUR NERVES! *scream at the top of their lungs* "Sorry, I'm not usually so rude it's just this is a little strange to me and I'm terribly lost. My name is Eileen Byrne." Raina: Name change ? I thought it was 'Ileen Burn'. DD: She's a sue remember! They can hardly remember if they have blue eyes or brown! But I think her name is Eileen but who really gives a hut? Todd: I see what you did there! ![]() I needed some answers and needed them fast. Hopefully Radagast would be able to help me since he was the only one I could comprehend. All: BORED! I'M SO BORED! He turned to the dwarves and spoke to them out loud, of course once again in their gibberish language. He was a cheerful old man and was very welcoming, almost bordering on naïve. He didn't interrogate us or anything, lord Laura: *barges in* If you are speaking of God, 'Lord' has a capital L ! He shall smite you for your sins ! *storms back out* All: *look at the door in fear* knows I would have wanted to know why two midgets and a girl were wondering around the forest medieval style, but then again he looked like he was form Thranduil: *speaking as the wise elf he is* Yes! He is in the same form as them at High School! the same cult as Olin and Durvin with his get up and he was probably desperately lonely Raina: So get him to call a dating hot-line, sheesh. DD: Agreed! in the middle of no where. We were ushered into the hut which proved to be much bigger on the inside than it looked. DD: NOOOO! YOU CAN NOT HAVE TIME LORD SCIENCE! I FORBID IT! THAT HUT WILL NOT BE BIGGER ON THE INSIDE! NO! DAMN YOU!! Others: DD! Give us the keyboard and you shall not be harmed! It was also filled with animals: birds, dogs, cats, small creatures, and I noticed that Radagast was taking a keen interest in Patrick. Raina: He's THAT lonely ?! DD: Bestiality!!!!! Others: *edge away from the screen* On looking out the window I noticed the general vicinity was filled with wild life and in his backyard was a small field with hay where several horses and ponies were grazing. DD: And I care why? Todd: Agreed! Being the animal lover I was, I was in heaven and while Olin, Durvin, and Radagast were talking I was far too busy petting the animal and getting way too excited for we went to the backyard and I got to pet the ponies. All: *sigh* That made no sense! At all! I think! I don't know! "Radagst, we bring grave tidings, Saruman has betrayed the forces of good. We were making our way to the Mines of Moria to see how Balin has fared there when a great eagle swooped down and told us of the treachery and how Saruman went so far as to imprison Gandalf." Thranduil: The wizard was mad! Elrond: It's not that far to go! Zuko: Yeah! Raina: Totally. Radagast looked aghast, DD: I see what she did there! I'm on to you sue or Suether! Same thing!"but never fear, DD: Have no fear, Superman is here! Others: *clear throats* DD: Sorry! I did it again, didn't I? Others: Yup! DD: Dammit! that same eagle told us he had personally seen that Gandlaf Thranduil, Elrond and DD: That's all well and good! But I want to know how Gandalf is, not Gandlaf! was taken away from Isengard. We were told to seek you out and inform you so that you too would not be captured." DD: Oh yes! Because Saruman wants the wizard who can talk to animals! I mean animas! *roll eyes* Radagast was silent for minutes then began wearily, "I have been a fool. I thought Saruman would never betray us, I thought I could trust him, him who was my companion from the start. DD: Umm! *is feeling awkward* I have failed you and almost led Gandalf to his death. It was I who told Gandalf that Saruman required him, but I had no idea of his treachery." Durvin looked suspiciously at the old wizard, but Olin could see the truth, "I have seen many traitors in my long life Radagast, and you are not one of them. You served the leader of your order without thought of the blackness festering in his heart. I know this because if you had turned to him these pure creatures would have fled you and instead of squirrels, hens, and canaries your lands would have been infested wit wolves and hawks, creatures of the night that prowl with yellow eyes and forked tongues." Durvin was once again struck by the wisdom of Olin and nodded in agreement. All: *sigh* DD: I'm not fucking reading that! No fucking way! Todd: Agreed! Radagast was tearful, Todd: Sob story coming on here! Thranduil: *pretends to puke* Elrond: *copies Thranduil's lead* Zuko: *egdes away from the Elves* "You who are so good to me. Yes my creatures have always been my constant companions and even stand up for my honor when the cause seems hopeless. But still the weight of my part in dark scheme DD: Is that a new computer game? It should be *dramatic game voice* 'Welcome to Dark Scheme, where the faint-hearted fall and the evil rise! MWAHAHAHA!' Hmm! I like it! falls hard upon me and I cannot help but think what evil may come out of my ignorance." All: NO ONE CARES! REALLY! THEY DON'T GIVE A SHIT! "Enough, of this dark talk, we have delivered our message and it has been successfully imprinted on the receiver. Let us not dwell on actions that cannot be reversed. Let us look to the future which looks bright while we are under your great hospitality." DD: *deadly serious*Go die! Todd: *dead serious*That's a fucking bright future! DD: I know! *is still deadly serious* Durvin commented. Radagst was lightening up and looked happily at an unknowing me Todd: That is getting really annoying! fondling a cute mutt puppy. Raina: ... What ? Others: must be a breed of Animas!"Ahh, yes let us move onto the subject of our new arrival." Olin spoke the thoughts of all three. All: FREEDOM! *run to the door* Review here (Thanks again Laura! )
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'Do you know how some families fight and shout and curse each other, but at the end of the day they're still your family and you're with them to the end of the world because you love them and they love you?' 'Well, yeah...' 'My family isn't like that.' ~Jareth to Sarah, Roommates Comic by AsheRhyder 'Imagine a sound, too deep to hear, too deep to be anything but felt. Deep enough to shatter worlds. That is the sound of the grief of the people who live in "if," those beautiful, terrible people who can be anything and everything as long as they are Nothing. Imagine what can make "nothing" feel so deeply that it may even transcend to "something."' ~Roommates Comic by AsheRhyder | |
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| Destined Darkness | Aug 24 2010, 07:10 AM Post #6 |
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Master of the Rings
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We return to the theatre! Ddouble2 have been dragged in, kicking and screaming! Beckett: SOMEONE KILL ME! Laura: I WILL KILL YOU ALL! Haldir: SOMEONE SHOOT ME! Darken: I HAVE A REALM TO RULE! SAVE ME! Zuko: I WILL MURDER YOU, AZULA! Azula: I don't even wanna be here! and so let's start! Hey Beckett: Go die! another update Darken: (News reporter) We have just received news, there is a new update of Slipping Backwards the deathfic! ![]() and another disclaimer I do not own Lord of the Rings or have any rights to Tolkein's works and the Sound of Music songs are not mine either. Haldir: :mellow: I don't even care anymore! A/N Sorry i forgot to add this earlier but italics are Middle Earth languages, ex Khuzdul, Westron. And Bold is that mind speech thingy that Radagast can do. thank you all that read and my first reviewer Roanie. All: MURDER HER! MURDER HER! KILL HER! KILL HER! Sorry my chapter are so short, they'll probably get longer in the future. Zuko: *dead serious* Kill me now! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I looked up from the adorable puppy I had been scratching to see Olin, Durvin, and Radagast all staring at me. Scariest experience of my life, well besides waking up in the middle of no where, having a midget with an axe approach me, hav-… okay maybe fourth. Azula: *sigh* They all looked eerily curious, but benevolent at the same time so I decided to take some actions. "So… watcha lookin at?" ooh I love mind powers. Darken: They're not that awesome! *wants mind powers* Radagast was the only one who could hear me "I'm not sure what your phrase meant Eileen, but I would very much like to ask you a few questions." Ha, he wants me to ask a few questions, Laura: Now where on earth did you get that idea from? Possibly the fact that that was exactly what he had said? Haldir: Wait! She said that wrong! He wants to ask the questions not her! I on the other hand have about a billion questions for him namely what in the world is he wearing. Darken: I thought we had established this already! He's wearing a robe! Haldir: No! He's wearing the robe Others: Good point! ![]() "Sure, Radagast I'll tell you everything you want to know if you return the favor." Beckett: All that I'm hearing from you, is white noise, white noise. All that I'm hearing from you, is white noise, white noise! Haldir: Okay...! Riight...! "I will be more than glad to" he said cheerily and then turned to the dwarves who were looking bewildered Haldir: (as dwarf) What am I missing? Beckett: (as other dwarf) I have no idea! I'm missing something too! Zuko: (as first dwarf) Epic fail! and I guess he explained our mind conversations. "To start Eileen I would like to know from where you hail, for I have never heard of this Byrne." "Oh, well I don't live in Byrne that's my last name, I live near D.C.," he looked blankly, "you know the capital of America." "I see," he clearly didn't, Laura: I'm sure he has eyes. Darken: Unless! His eyes somehow disappeared and he can no longer see! ![]() Others: That's gotta be it! but I let it slide, "I must admit that I have never heard of this Deecee or the Ameericah." A little honesty is always good, but seriously did he live under a rock. Haldir: No! Apparently he lived in a town that is made up of one hut and he wears the robe! Beckett: That's more than I can say for some people, I'm afraid! Not being snotty or anything, but everyone knows what America is it's a major world power. DD: *appears* FUCK AMERICA! *beat* Unless you're someone I think is awesome. But other then that! AMERICA CAN GO DIE! *clears throat* Thank you! I'm still a bit sour about the Americans ruining one of my favorite shows and them about to ruin another one! *disappears*Haldir: Riiiight...! Azula: I'm going to have to start drugging you people! "I have studied many maps and have never heard of such a land even in the Harad but that can wait. For it seems the real question is how did you get here?" He asked in a patient tone. Darken: We've got plenty of time! *dodgy voice* Others: I don't even wish to think about that!I was a little startled Beckett: But he just said you had plenty of time! Darken: Don't mess it up now, Radagast! Haldir: I will murder you two if you don't stop being dodgy! Beckett and Haldir: *laugh evilly* that he had never heard of America, but judging from the state of him he was probably senile or so far into his fairy tale medieval life that he was completely oblivious to the real world. Laura: I'm thinking you're the crazy one! "I know it sounds weird, but I was just walking to my bus on the way to a track meet when everything just went dark. When I woke up I was in the middle of the woods and that's where Olin found me. I don't even know where "here" is." Haldir: That's because you are crazy! Radagast surprisingly didn't look to unsettled by this "I guessed that things were not what they seemed when I saw you for to be honest my lady you are dressed in a fashion in which no maiden in any land I've seen would dress." Was that a snub? I was a little affronted by that comment, it's the 20th century what's wrong with sweatpants and a t-shirt, but I didn't interrupt. All: Is she really that dense?"You are at this current time deep in the wooded foothills of the Hithaeglir, or in the common tongue the Misty Mountains. The Ford of Bruinen runs nearby and the fabled Elven village of Rivendell is but a four day journey from this very dwelling." Haldir: Rivendell is a village now? Darken: *snicker* Umm! Sure...! Haldir: I was dumbstruck. All: You were already struck by dumb! I'm sorry! You can't get more stupid! If we were really wherever the heck he said we were then how was I going to get home, home wasn't even on the map! "So you say you have never heard of America and what continent did you say we were on." He looked a little bit confused "I do not understand what the meaning of continent is, but the whole land mass is called Arda." Haldir: AHHH! Who's talking? Laura: He's talking to himself! I think! ![]() Haldir: Ohh! What was he talking about Arda, elves, did they resemble those that dwell in the North Pole, All: *crack up laughing* and I couldn't get over his stiff, formal speech. My mind was in an epic battle that most likely involved ninjas and pirates. Laura: Ninjas ftw ! Others: What do Ninjas and Pirates have to do with LotR?I had to trust these people, they were the only ones out here and they had been kind and honest so far… as I knew. Look at them they were ridiculous, come on who dresses like this they could have at least carried wands. Darken: Oh they do! *beat* Unless they aren't really men...! Haldir: *grabs his bow from a random seat and aims it at Darken* Darken: Come on! I look like you, with dark hair! You wouldn't harm me! Haldir: *prepares to fire* Darken: You really wish to do this? Azula: NO FIGHTING IN THE THEATRE WHILE A SPORK IS IN SESSION! Darken and Haldir: *groan and go back to watching the screen* But, then again if this is how they truly lived, and Olin and Durvin had proved to me that they did not have their heads in the clouds they were always active and vigilant, how strange did I look to them. I was not used to sleeping outside, wearing old fashioned clothing, and I certainly had not acquired the life skill of peeing in the woods. All: Charming! *sarcasm* The battle was over, oh man you should have seen it… anyhooo. All: ...? ![]() I realized that I was very far from home, this was not a hoax it was just too natural, and I was not dreaming. The only choice I had was to believe them and accept at least that I was in some remote island and press onwards. Laura: How can you be in some remote island? Haldir: Pchh! Somehow...? Laura: Good enough! Hadn't I always longed for adventure? In my mind I broke out into the Sound of Music song "I Have Confidence." That was needed, confidence boost. All: *remaining very silent* I had forgotten about the others who were looking on me in quiet concern. Darken: Ohh! They're looking on you alright! Just not in the way you're thinking! Haldir: DARKEN! Darken: ... ![]() Oh right, "Ok Radagast, I believe you. I still have no idea were Arda is, but it's clearly no place I've ever heard of so I don't know how I got here either." He looked thoughtful "It is very rare, but not unheard of," Haldir: Umm yes! It is actually unheard of!! he had a mischievous twinkle in his eye that confused me, Laura: Rape-face. o: Darken: *at Haldir* Why do you never explode at her? Haldir: Because I can't kill her! She'll murder me! Laura: ![]() Darken: *mutters* "The valar have been known to send beings into Arda to secure a safe future, though your task is a mystery since you say that nothing was revealed to you before your passing into Middle Earth." Haldir: *is trying to shoot the screen* Wa wa wee wa. Beckett: Wha? Haldir: Fuck knows! Darken: *snickers* Haldir swore! Haldir: I don't care anymore! Did he just say Middle Earth, excuse me this is Earth, plain old Earth, "Do you mean Earth, because that is the planet that I'm from." I said a little warily. Darken: It's not rape if you enjoy it! Haldir: *tackles Darken and they roll around punching and kicking at each other* Azula: STOP FIGHTING! *fire rains down upon the elf and the Lord Rahl* Darken: FIRE! *holds Haldir above him so he doesn't get hit by the fire* Haldir: *gasps* Oww! *jumps off Darken and rolls around to kill the fire* Oww! *winces and lies flat* AZULA! Azula; *sigh* On with the show! "Oh no, I meant exactly what I said young Lady Eileen, but it seems we are finally getting somewhere. You are obviously not from anywhere here. That was clear enough from your close, Darken and Laura: *snicker* Haldir: *moans from where he is still lying flat on the ground* Beckett: Alright guys! Give the elf a break! not to mention your speech." He was looking quite satisfied at his conclusion, Darken: *snorts* Laura: He's satisfied! Darken: Because he finished! but I was in a state of turmoil. But on he pressed, Darken: Ohh! kinky! Laura: Daaamnn! "I think it is clear to assume that you are truly from another land and maybe even space. Laura: *sings*Hey green girl from outer space, nice place you got here - shame about the face! The Valar or even Iluvatar surely had a hand in this." So he basically just told me God had sent me traveling through the galaxy and the angels were probably involved too. Laura: I've actually never read LOTR before ( I know, I fail ), but even so, I never would have gotten God and angels from that. /: Haldir: *sigh* *has not moved and is severely burned* "I don't mean to offend, but is there anyway you can prove this theory, because from my point of view a forest and some people in ancient clothing does not necessarily conclude time travel." Darken: She's seriously messed up! Haldir: A-greed! Darken: You okay there? Want me to heal that? Haldir: No...! Darken: Okay then! *snicker* He thought for a second before his eyes lit up. Laura: Someone has a plan to get laid! Darken: *snicker* And he's pretty sure it'll work! "From your surprise at Olin and Durvin, am I wrong to assume that the only race of peoples in your country is human?" I nodded, well that was a gimme. "In Arda you have just met three beings that are not of the human race." I stared at him dumbly Haldir: We already know you are an idiot! *wince* "Your two companions here Olin and Folin Beckett: I do believe she's missing something! Zuko: I believe you are right! are of the ancient race of dwarves, created before humans at the time of the elves. Haldir: *sobs They have a lifespan over double that of humans, living up to 250 years. And I am a wizard, a being that takes the form of a human but has special powers and immortality like that of the Elven kind." Darken: YOU LUCKY BASTARD! I DON'T GET THAT SHIT AND I'M A WIZARD! ![]() Others: Calm down! I was trying to take in all this information, when I suddenly remembered a way to test this "Can you tell me what Khazad means." I had him, Haldir: *sobbing* Darken: *seething* Zuko: Sure sue! Whatever you want! I knew that was what Olin had told me he was, so it surely meant was along the line of human or small human. He laughed jovially, "You are shrewd! Yes Eileen, I can tell you what Khazad means. It means dwarf in Khuzdul, the language of those people. In fact if the things you have witnessed so far have not proven that you are in fact in Middle Earth then Rivendell will surely put any doubt to rest. For you must surely travel there after your stay here is over and seek the council of Gandalf, a most wise wizard, and Elrond, Half Elven Lord." All: *sigh* Zuko: Nearly there! Just survive! Haldir: *is still sobbing and has not moved* Darken: *sending gusts of wind against the walls* I was stunned, this was way to crazy to be real, but who would put this much effort into a cruel trick and a madman would never be this normal acting. This was the truth, the cold hard truth. Laura: Why does truth always have to be cold and hard ? ): Darken: That's just the way it is! *starts singing* Others: *sigh* I was in another planet possible another time, Haldir: So she's now in a different planet in a small island? Beckett: Apparently! Zuko: Weird! dimension even. I took to studying my beat up Sperry's. All: ![]() "You have learned much in such a short time. Zuko: How 'bout 'no'? Darken: How 'bout 'what the f are you smoking man'? Beckett: Someone's had a bit to much to drink! Haldir: How 'bout 'hurry the fuck up so I can get medical attention'? Laura: How 'bout 'Cookie baking'? Others but Azula: Azula! Azula: Alright! Alright! Moving on! Let us speak again of this tomorrow. Today is for merrymaking to celebrate the arrival of such admirable guests!" Darken: Someone really has been smoking to much pot...! He turned to Olin and Durvin to quickly brief them on my situation. They were both looking as stunned as I was when Radagast left the room to get supplies for the "merrymaking." Laura: The quotes make it sound like something kinky. >:D Haldir: *cry* Darken: We can leave! All but Haldir: *escape* Haldir: Send some medical people in! *beat* Guys? *beat* Guuuuuuuuuyyyyyyys? *passes out* (Review Here! ) |
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'Do you know how some families fight and shout and curse each other, but at the end of the day they're still your family and you're with them to the end of the world because you love them and they love you?' 'Well, yeah...' 'My family isn't like that.' ~Jareth to Sarah, Roommates Comic by AsheRhyder 'Imagine a sound, too deep to hear, too deep to be anything but felt. Deep enough to shatter worlds. That is the sound of the grief of the people who live in "if," those beautiful, terrible people who can be anything and everything as long as they are Nothing. Imagine what can make "nothing" feel so deeply that it may even transcend to "something."' ~Roommates Comic by AsheRhyder | |
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Huh?





)
I don't even wish to think about that!
Is she really that dense?


3:23 PM Jul 11